Talk about long, loooong weeks! I am glad this is FINALLY over. I arrived last night completely beaten. Did all assignments in a rush and went to sleep... wanted to stay at home today, I feel so tired! But, trying not to miss my duties at work...

I got so upset yesterday... People are just so so crappy! I've got to the big conclusion that I need to be a model so I am taken seriously. Yup, that's right. I say I am not feeling well, I have no one being compassionate to me. I was feeling dizzy, I needed to eat something, and my arm and neck were hurting badly... No one cared. One of my workmates, someone who actually doesn't do much, kept complaining the whole conference that her arm was hurting, and everyone was paying attention to her and even offering help. But hey, I am not flirty and I am not thin and I was not wearing anything showing my complete cleavage... Sooooo... Even one of my dear teammates said "You better not fall because you'll stay in the floor". Nice joke. Very thoughtful... So I stayed quiet thinking "Qué cojones".

It doesn't matter how much you are good to your workmates, or how much you give at work, there always comes the issue of an implicit "you are not the standard beauty that we praise, so get off my face..." Also, since I am big and fat that means I am strong and can do everything and more, so If I don't go and do my "job" is because I don't want to. My male workmates are not ready to offer help to me. The only help I get comes from the drivers at Aguadilla and Mayaguez... They are the only ones with a conscience, I guess... So, I felt even worse by the attitude my workmates give me... It's a matter of being appreciated... Only 3 people appreciate me in the department, the secretary (a femme), one of the technicians (the older one), and one of the programmers (another femme). Everyone else just kept backstab after backstab... and based on lies or superficial things. One of the girls always mind me because I don't drink beer or talk as if I were on the street. That's so stupid! Especially since you are supposed to be a professional... you are working in an office, not at the local bar. And then comes the issue that I'm always in black. Ah, well... if you actually saw me everyday you would know I don't wear black all the time... sad but true :P And then comes the issue of my hair... Ah! If my boss doesn't mind, I care even less what anyone else thinks... Just wait until I dye my hair in violet. TSK TSK. And last but not least, my workmates are mad at me because I have an MBA and YEARS of experience... Can you believe that? I am the big competition; I am the enemy... They try to throw mud at me but I won't get stained... That's such an unhealthy attitude and environment, especially when you should do teamwork to succeed... It gets me angry. It gets me moody. It makes me want to quit. I know eventually I will, I cannot get stuck on this shit... not even if it can get comfortable...

Ah, the "I'm not a model" issue is quite a sensation... LOL It is annoying to watch men drooling over the secretaries, and it is worst to watch how girls that actually don't even know their jobs get permanency and get everything they ask just because they show all their attributes without much care but with all intention. Ok, so that's what you do when you have no other assets, I guess... For them I am the black sheep... If I wanted to I could be a very sexy bitch. Damnit, I am after work hours. But at work I believe there should be a respect and a professional environment... Being friends with workmates seem to hinder that... People do not understand that friendship is one thing, business another. I can be your best friend, but I won't cover you at work or lie for you. I believe people should shine by their own light, period.

Bottomline, I don't care what they think about me. It does hurt that I do give and care for even the ones that backstab me, but I can take it. One day they will learn. I know who I am and what I am and so, I need not prove anything to anyone. My standards for beauty go deeper than theirs, and even then I know I could be a nice Goth model. If I wanted to, there's plenty I could show off, but I rather do private sessions. ;) I am a goddess, very much in love with myself, thank you!
It just sucks that you get alienated for not following the rules of society.

As Coriolis used to sing... "It sucks to be youuuuuuu". :P