Donations for Tsunami disaster SURVIVORS
Here is a reliable place in which to give help, World Vision donation's site:
DONATIONS FOR TSUNAMI SURVIVORS click here!!!
If you have any problems accesing that site, try WORLDVISION.org
Or, you may also call toll-free 888-56-CHILD (24453)to make a donation to World Vision's Asia Tsunami Response.
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Begin the New Year giving a gift of Hope and selfless LOVE...
Friday, December 31, 2004
Tsunami... and God
Here is a nice essay about the Tsunami disaster and the role of God… I found that it says many truths, so I am posting it here. The death toll has surpassed 120,000. We should all at least give positive thoughts towards those who died, and those who are struggling to live.
Was God in This Disaster?
Turning to both Judaism and Buddhism for solace, the author meditates on God's role in the tsunami tragedy.
by Rodger Kamenetz
I am trying to connect to this tragedy the best I can. The pictures help a little. I see dead children on the floor, a parent weeping. The little ones look like they are sleeping; it is unimaginable that they are dead. I see a parent holding his dead child. I feel in my body what it is like to hold... that weight. To feel the life gone, and the heaviness of a body that does not have life. It is different from holding a sleeping child, carrying a child to bed for instance. I can feel what this father feels in the photo, can reach in my imagination, and in my memory.
But I can't multiply what I feel by 10,000 or 40,000, or even by ten. We know more than we can feel. And we respond as best we can, I think. This is our situation in a time of instant global communication.
The heart does see from one end of the world to the other, and faster than the internet.
I read that when someone witnessed the huge tidal wave approaching the shore, he thought it was "biblical." The flood story came to his mind, I guess, and behind it the old primitive idea of an angry God, destroying what he once created. Some people still think this way: everything bad that happens is a curse or a punishment and has a reason, even if we don't know what the reason is. I don't buy it.
The children killed didn't have enough time in this life to deserve this death. This kind of disaster opens difficult prospects for the Western imagination. Some would see in it a monstrous demiurge: an all-powerful God who kills innocent children. We hear the bitter words in King Lear: "As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport." Others, seeking to justify God to man, will offer the simple idea that whoever suffers somehow had it coming.
There is a deeper story about suffering in the Talmud. In this story, Moses travels to heaven and sees for himself that Rabbi Akiba is the greatest teacher of Torah. When Moses asks God what Akiba's reward will be, God shows him a vision: Akiba tortured by Romans in the marketplace, his flesh stripped from his body.
Just as it is incomprehensible to us that children, whole families, whole islands could be taken up by a wave and drowned, it is incomprehensible to Moses that a great and good teacher would be "rewarded" with torture.
When Moses asks why, God answers with a riddle, "It arose in thought."
To our own human notion of justice, "it arose in thought" seems cruel and unaccountable. Those who wrote this story must have felt that injustice keenly. But the starkness of this tale shows a kind of maturity of vision we sadly lack in today's religious discourse. God in the story offers no real explanation. There is none at the human level that we could understand. We stand before it stunned and uncomprehending.
At the level of our feelings of right and wrong, we understand there is no explanation for dead children on a beach who were playing and swimming one moment and taken away by a huge wave in the next. I can't accept the answer suggested by the Buddhist idea of group karma, that whatever happens to a group is somehow the result of a previous action of that group, either in this life or in a previous life. I don't accept that explanation in this case.
I don't believe it because this disaster happened to children. They didn't have enough time in this life to deserve this death. And in a previous life? No, that is too abstract for me. The explanation that their acts in a previous life may have warranted this death lacks specificity--and a number of deaths so huge already lacks too much specificity. I need to feel more, not less.
One time I asked the Dalai Lama how he would respond to a parent who had lost a child. And he said--these aren't his exact words--that when you lose a child you are constantly thinking of that child in your imagination. He called the child a "dear one." And he said, "You must know that your 'dear one' does not want you to suffer, to feel so much grief." I found this meditation wholly beautiful. I don't believe in a God who punishes through disaster. The disaster is.
He added that for a Buddhist, suffering is in the nature of things, and so he would try to remind a Buddhist to reflect on that. But, he said, for a Westerner, there would arise the question of meaning. This boils down to the question of Job: Why would a just God allow the innocent to suffer? The question is just as profound for an individual loss as for a mass disaster: It doesn't get more profound, just more inescapable.
I don't believe that a mass disaster, in and of itself, tells us anything about God. I don't believe in a God who punishes through disaster. The disaster is. That is exactly the way I would understand it, without adding my own interpretation, without supplying a meaning or completing the sentence. The disaster is. The tragedy is. And I need to abide with it, and feel it, instead of seeking an answer, because the answers just make me complacent and take me away from the children on the beach, and the father with the dead child in his arms.
There is no God in the disaster.
I think there is God in the response, in the human hearts of those who are feeling and responding to this, the families and neighbors of the victims, and the rest of us, the bystanders, and us, too. The whole world is feeling it.
I used to think that if something unaccountably bad happened to someone, it needed to be compensated by something good. That was my own internal accounting, my own way of repairing my sense of order, of justice. A boy loses his sight, but he becomes a musical genius. A teacher of mine lost his mobility to polio, but he gained the ability to be a blessing to others. One time I said such things in a public talk, and a woman in a wheelchair rolled toward me and said with great seriousness and very slowly, "I would like you to consider that a disability means…absolutely nothing."
I heard her and felt how I had glibly covered over my heart with an easy reaction.
I love what the Baal Shem Tov, the founder of modern Hasidism, said when asked to define equanimity. "If whatever happens you can say, if it's good enough for God, who am I to judge? That's equanimity." And he added, "But that is a very high rung."
It is a very high rung and I cannot say I am standing on it now, and rarely ever. I cannot say that this tsunami is for the good.
It is not for the good, it is not for the bad. It just is.
It is not a blessing, it is not a curse, it just is.
A tectonic plate shifted, and a vast wave spread across the ocean, and took with it many lives.
And now another wave is spreading, and it is also vast, and it spreads through the hearts of those who let themselves feel it.
The disaster is. It happened to a "dear one," someone's "dear one," many dear ones. I open my heart and feel it. The place it touches in me, touches God.
In the New Year,
may your right hand always be stretched out
in friendship,
never in want.
-Irish toast
Was God in This Disaster?
Turning to both Judaism and Buddhism for solace, the author meditates on God's role in the tsunami tragedy.
by Rodger Kamenetz
I am trying to connect to this tragedy the best I can. The pictures help a little. I see dead children on the floor, a parent weeping. The little ones look like they are sleeping; it is unimaginable that they are dead. I see a parent holding his dead child. I feel in my body what it is like to hold... that weight. To feel the life gone, and the heaviness of a body that does not have life. It is different from holding a sleeping child, carrying a child to bed for instance. I can feel what this father feels in the photo, can reach in my imagination, and in my memory.
But I can't multiply what I feel by 10,000 or 40,000, or even by ten. We know more than we can feel. And we respond as best we can, I think. This is our situation in a time of instant global communication.
The heart does see from one end of the world to the other, and faster than the internet.
I read that when someone witnessed the huge tidal wave approaching the shore, he thought it was "biblical." The flood story came to his mind, I guess, and behind it the old primitive idea of an angry God, destroying what he once created. Some people still think this way: everything bad that happens is a curse or a punishment and has a reason, even if we don't know what the reason is. I don't buy it.
The children killed didn't have enough time in this life to deserve this death. This kind of disaster opens difficult prospects for the Western imagination. Some would see in it a monstrous demiurge: an all-powerful God who kills innocent children. We hear the bitter words in King Lear: "As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport." Others, seeking to justify God to man, will offer the simple idea that whoever suffers somehow had it coming.
There is a deeper story about suffering in the Talmud. In this story, Moses travels to heaven and sees for himself that Rabbi Akiba is the greatest teacher of Torah. When Moses asks God what Akiba's reward will be, God shows him a vision: Akiba tortured by Romans in the marketplace, his flesh stripped from his body.
Just as it is incomprehensible to us that children, whole families, whole islands could be taken up by a wave and drowned, it is incomprehensible to Moses that a great and good teacher would be "rewarded" with torture.
When Moses asks why, God answers with a riddle, "It arose in thought."
To our own human notion of justice, "it arose in thought" seems cruel and unaccountable. Those who wrote this story must have felt that injustice keenly. But the starkness of this tale shows a kind of maturity of vision we sadly lack in today's religious discourse. God in the story offers no real explanation. There is none at the human level that we could understand. We stand before it stunned and uncomprehending.
At the level of our feelings of right and wrong, we understand there is no explanation for dead children on a beach who were playing and swimming one moment and taken away by a huge wave in the next. I can't accept the answer suggested by the Buddhist idea of group karma, that whatever happens to a group is somehow the result of a previous action of that group, either in this life or in a previous life. I don't accept that explanation in this case.
I don't believe it because this disaster happened to children. They didn't have enough time in this life to deserve this death. And in a previous life? No, that is too abstract for me. The explanation that their acts in a previous life may have warranted this death lacks specificity--and a number of deaths so huge already lacks too much specificity. I need to feel more, not less.
One time I asked the Dalai Lama how he would respond to a parent who had lost a child. And he said--these aren't his exact words--that when you lose a child you are constantly thinking of that child in your imagination. He called the child a "dear one." And he said, "You must know that your 'dear one' does not want you to suffer, to feel so much grief." I found this meditation wholly beautiful. I don't believe in a God who punishes through disaster. The disaster is.
He added that for a Buddhist, suffering is in the nature of things, and so he would try to remind a Buddhist to reflect on that. But, he said, for a Westerner, there would arise the question of meaning. This boils down to the question of Job: Why would a just God allow the innocent to suffer? The question is just as profound for an individual loss as for a mass disaster: It doesn't get more profound, just more inescapable.
I don't believe that a mass disaster, in and of itself, tells us anything about God. I don't believe in a God who punishes through disaster. The disaster is. That is exactly the way I would understand it, without adding my own interpretation, without supplying a meaning or completing the sentence. The disaster is. The tragedy is. And I need to abide with it, and feel it, instead of seeking an answer, because the answers just make me complacent and take me away from the children on the beach, and the father with the dead child in his arms.
There is no God in the disaster.
I think there is God in the response, in the human hearts of those who are feeling and responding to this, the families and neighbors of the victims, and the rest of us, the bystanders, and us, too. The whole world is feeling it.
I used to think that if something unaccountably bad happened to someone, it needed to be compensated by something good. That was my own internal accounting, my own way of repairing my sense of order, of justice. A boy loses his sight, but he becomes a musical genius. A teacher of mine lost his mobility to polio, but he gained the ability to be a blessing to others. One time I said such things in a public talk, and a woman in a wheelchair rolled toward me and said with great seriousness and very slowly, "I would like you to consider that a disability means…absolutely nothing."
I heard her and felt how I had glibly covered over my heart with an easy reaction.
I love what the Baal Shem Tov, the founder of modern Hasidism, said when asked to define equanimity. "If whatever happens you can say, if it's good enough for God, who am I to judge? That's equanimity." And he added, "But that is a very high rung."
It is a very high rung and I cannot say I am standing on it now, and rarely ever. I cannot say that this tsunami is for the good.
It is not for the good, it is not for the bad. It just is.
It is not a blessing, it is not a curse, it just is.
A tectonic plate shifted, and a vast wave spread across the ocean, and took with it many lives.
And now another wave is spreading, and it is also vast, and it spreads through the hearts of those who let themselves feel it.
The disaster is. It happened to a "dear one," someone's "dear one," many dear ones. I open my heart and feel it. The place it touches in me, touches God.
In the New Year,
may your right hand always be stretched out
in friendship,
never in want.
-Irish toast
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Draining World
All these days I’ve been completely drained. I get out of work and go home and I doesn’t even have the chance to take off my clothing, I just fall in the bed and enter Lord Morpheus realms… I wake up because of the occasional mandatory jump that two or three cats perform over my head… around 9:00pm… and they do that because they grow anxious and want attention… I’m not even checking my mail at home, I am beyond tired for such an endevour… Groundel plays on the PS, the cats run over the Xmas tree, and nobody calls while there is someone in the house. Trilogy has called everyday this week, but I just did not have the energy to get up from my bed and visit him. I don’t get it… I take a bath by 9pm, and by 10pm I’m back to bed, sound asleep. And it is so difficult to wake up in the morning because I just wanna keep on sleeping… So tired…
At work, Candi is leaving us after 30 years of service. Well, she’s doing a-lot on her own, and the agency in reality is a big pain in the whoohoo. May pass by today to Aguadilla’s site so I can give my farewells… She’s going with Año Viejo jijiji.
Everything else very still. Had a bump with LadyMex and she wants to go to the movies tonight, with her kids… I don’t know if I will be enough alive to do so… I guess I’ll leave Gruendel washing clothing and then go make her happy for 2 hours… I know neither Trilogy nor Groundel will want to accompany me. Cannot blame them. She thinks so little of them that it is plain disgusting. That’s basically one of the reasons I am getting anoyed by her. The other is her ability to complain a lot but not to listen to advises because I am not a mother and I do not know how it’s like… Whatever… It’s too early in the morning to have such a headache…
Coriolis has not visited this side of the Land, and every time he calls he has to go and says he’ll call back and he doesn’t. Hmm… Ok… Whatever…
Got the Xmas gift for kitties, a nice 7 feet tall condo. Should arrive next week. :) That's their 3Kings Day gift...
That’s all folks… for now…
10-4
At work, Candi is leaving us after 30 years of service. Well, she’s doing a-lot on her own, and the agency in reality is a big pain in the whoohoo. May pass by today to Aguadilla’s site so I can give my farewells… She’s going with Año Viejo jijiji.
Everything else very still. Had a bump with LadyMex and she wants to go to the movies tonight, with her kids… I don’t know if I will be enough alive to do so… I guess I’ll leave Gruendel washing clothing and then go make her happy for 2 hours… I know neither Trilogy nor Groundel will want to accompany me. Cannot blame them. She thinks so little of them that it is plain disgusting. That’s basically one of the reasons I am getting anoyed by her. The other is her ability to complain a lot but not to listen to advises because I am not a mother and I do not know how it’s like… Whatever… It’s too early in the morning to have such a headache…
Coriolis has not visited this side of the Land, and every time he calls he has to go and says he’ll call back and he doesn’t. Hmm… Ok… Whatever…
Got the Xmas gift for kitties, a nice 7 feet tall condo. Should arrive next week. :) That's their 3Kings Day gift...
That’s all folks… for now…
10-4
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Tsunami
Tsunami death toll over 40,000 in Asia... Just the most awful way to say goodbye to this screwy year. Mother Nature is pretty mad at us, and still she goes on ignored... Here in this tiny weeeny island we should think about it, because the bells are tolling and sooner than we expect something like that will come our way. No, it's not being in catastrophic mode, but it is called being realistic. Our island no longer has the mountains around the chores to protect it. Civilization has left the beaches bare and naked. Once a tidal wave of more than 20 feet comes in, it won't be stopped unless it reaches the Cordillera Central, if it is that small... Every town that keeps beaches will be drowned, yes... we shall all perish that way. I've always had this love affair with El Faro in Combate, and I always dream there is this wave that comes in and while everyone runs away I run towards the lighthouse... Not a dumb thing because although it may be desperation and desire for shelter, the lighthouse is one big peak in miles across Combate and the surrounding areas... It would be the only actual chance to survive... If the Alien mother ship doesn't beam us up before the tide crashes and kills us. LOL Yup, they won't let their specimens vanish without trace, after all, puertorricans are such a special breed...
I arrived beyond tired to my lovely home and sunk in deep sleep. Kitties woke me up at 8 pm because... er... they had no food... So had to go fetch some at Wal's place and came back before they ripped everything out of rage... Then to bed until today. Don't know why I was so beat. Well... Maybe it was Sara's fault, her flan was delicious but I supposse it skyrocketed my sugar... Whatever. That's a once in 2 years episode.
Today, at my office, may or may not go to Yauco... Depends if someone is going. Yesterday went to Sgerman and fixed things there and made people happy. LOL
Another day, another death, another hope...
10-4
I arrived beyond tired to my lovely home and sunk in deep sleep. Kitties woke me up at 8 pm because... er... they had no food... So had to go fetch some at Wal's place and came back before they ripped everything out of rage... Then to bed until today. Don't know why I was so beat. Well... Maybe it was Sara's fault, her flan was delicious but I supposse it skyrocketed my sugar... Whatever. That's a once in 2 years episode.
Today, at my office, may or may not go to Yauco... Depends if someone is going. Yesterday went to Sgerman and fixed things there and made people happy. LOL
Another day, another death, another hope...
10-4
Monday, December 27, 2004
More Pepto, More Pepto!!!!
Pass the Pepto!!! Hurryyyyy!!! More Pepto!!! Argh!!!! Shrine to the Pepto!!! LOL Yup, that's how my Xmas was... 24th and 25th begging for Pepto. That plus in bed with overall body pain due to the Pepto causes, which makes the sugar skyrocket, which didn't help my case... Arrrgh!!! So, a very merry xmas indeed...
On the lighter side, Groundel gave me an undead doll, Captain Bonnie, which looks like an undead Blaze... Loved her. Pewty, pwety, pewty... And a gothic calendar that has all the dates of death of gothic-related people. Trilogy gave me a small framed kitty with the purr's written all over it. And between my aunt and me we bought the Xmas dinner (although I couln't REALLY enjoy it...) Yesterday managed to visit Lucinda, who prepared a cheesecake-sort-of... Yummy! Although cannot eat it on big pieces because it is pure sugar... :( Tried calling my sister but she was not home. And when I finally got home, to bed... I've been too drained to do much these days... My bipolar entities and tummy trouble didn't make things easier... I'm lucky to have people around me to make it all go smoother even if it doesn't seem like it at first sight...
Anyways... Watching a bid for a kitty condo, to see if I get it as 3kings day gift for the kitties. It looks awesome and is 6 feet high. Will put it where the tree is. :)
Gotta run now. Must visit San German and assemble 2 PC's. I'll also see if they have some helechos for sale, so I can put them beneath my little palms, to see if they improve with l;ess direct sunlight... Let's see how the day unwraps...
10-4
On the lighter side, Groundel gave me an undead doll, Captain Bonnie, which looks like an undead Blaze... Loved her. Pewty, pwety, pewty... And a gothic calendar that has all the dates of death of gothic-related people. Trilogy gave me a small framed kitty with the purr's written all over it. And between my aunt and me we bought the Xmas dinner (although I couln't REALLY enjoy it...) Yesterday managed to visit Lucinda, who prepared a cheesecake-sort-of... Yummy! Although cannot eat it on big pieces because it is pure sugar... :( Tried calling my sister but she was not home. And when I finally got home, to bed... I've been too drained to do much these days... My bipolar entities and tummy trouble didn't make things easier... I'm lucky to have people around me to make it all go smoother even if it doesn't seem like it at first sight...
Anyways... Watching a bid for a kitty condo, to see if I get it as 3kings day gift for the kitties. It looks awesome and is 6 feet high. Will put it where the tree is. :)
Gotta run now. Must visit San German and assemble 2 PC's. I'll also see if they have some helechos for sale, so I can put them beneath my little palms, to see if they improve with l;ess direct sunlight... Let's see how the day unwraps...
10-4
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Me: Tired, sad, helpless, dead, undead, unliving shall scorn, the mists of Ravenloft have called to me, and I have obeyed. Always the lonesome wanderer, always a slave of sorrow and pain... Betrayed once more... this time by myself.
Everything and everyone: Merry, jolly, going on, celebrating... whatever... let them eat their Holidays up...
I wish to stop feeling... to be the Ice Queen and vanish into the storm... no trace... no memory... just gone...
This is by far the worst Xmas gift I have received in my whole life. But I accept it, I shall smile politely and accept it. I am to fulfill Coriolis prediction after all...
Everything and everyone: Merry, jolly, going on, celebrating... whatever... let them eat their Holidays up...
I wish to stop feeling... to be the Ice Queen and vanish into the storm... no trace... no memory... just gone...
This is by far the worst Xmas gift I have received in my whole life. But I accept it, I shall smile politely and accept it. I am to fulfill Coriolis prediction after all...
Monday, December 20, 2004
It’s the season to be jolly, sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la… In Perfect… Everyone remembers Everyone, people are kind and thoughtful even with fishes, and there is diabetic angel cake in every corner… But, since there is no Perfect, here we are in the Land of the Lost trying to survive using any or every means possible…
How is this Xmas? Awful. No spirit whatsoever since politics fills the streets and people’s conversations. The idea of peace and love gets buried underneath senseless expenses, as people now translate Merry Xmas into Buy Mindlessly. It’s incredible… It is appalling that a 3-4 yr old kid will end up with a remote controlled car of $120… or clothing from GAP or JC PENNEY… It is plain wrong when you think about it, children destroy the toys they get, o forget about them after 2 days… and their clothing wont fit in 4 months. I don’t get it… People fuss over the wrong things, yet the TRUE meaning of Xmas has died… it was agonizing last year, but somehow managed to survive… This year, WHAM! DEAD! CAPUT! What a shame… Me, I am not a gift fan. I only give a few, and only to the people who are closest to me. And I don’t fall for the expensive train. I give something needed, or practical, or thoughtful. People need to learn the difference between something for show and something that says “You REALLY thought of me!”. I used to make small paintings, but I have no time or patience for that right now… Having 8 cats doesn’t help that case either… LOL Big deal… At least I know that next year things will straighten up in my financial life and I’ll be able to indulge myself and those I love once in a while. For that I am happy.
What else makes me happy? My cats make me very happy. Humans can learn much from them. Also, being able to talk and see and walk makes me quite happy… I have seen so many that lack these blessings… Being alive, able to make decisions, able to do the things that matter to me makes me VERY happy… I have much to do, I have not lived life to the fullest, and that has been the lesson Betsy has taught me with her death: She TRULY lived, and so her death was sad but she did everything she dreamt of… although she had more plans… I have plans, many… And I have postponed TRULY living for so long thanks to the things that one must do… I believe in giving, in helping, in putting others before me… I believe in causes that are almost extinct… I have done my part to keep that flame alive, but I also need to achieve my plans, as soon as possible… If I am to die, I want to die after doing what I was MEANT to do… And I hope it happens that way… So… I am happy I am still alive, so I can do something to make my dreams come true. I am happy I have the few friends I have: Lucinda, Coriolis, Zordak, Groundel… They have been there for me through the good the bad and the Ugly… for more than 10 years. I am very proud of calling them MY FRIENDS… Especially Groundel. He has been more than a friend, always, yet he has been able to put aside feelings for my own happiness. He cares for me in health and sickness, and he is always there to wipe my tears and tell me things will be all right. He has been there with me, making sacrifices, and thrilling on the good times. No one has been there for me as he has, and that weights a-lot in my heart.
It makes me happy going to my auntie’s house and even arguing with her. And it also makes me happy thinking about the family I have in Texas. Working makes me happy, and being able to solve problems and make creative thinguies… Watching the sky meeting the sea at my dear lighthouse makes me happy, as it makes me feel God’s presence all around me… Meeting Coriolis and Joe whenever I go to the Area Metro makes me happy as they fill my life with laughter. Writing, drawing… transmitting my feelings… making those around me happy, sharing all I have with those I love… Dreaming, believing… It all makes me happy. And all of that is without having my happy pill! :)
So… Maybe this Xmas sucks, maybe the environment is not the best, but there are many things that makes me smile and keep hope for a better tomorrow. Thanks to my supporting cast, MERRY XMAS to all, and to all a GOOD life!
10-4
How is this Xmas? Awful. No spirit whatsoever since politics fills the streets and people’s conversations. The idea of peace and love gets buried underneath senseless expenses, as people now translate Merry Xmas into Buy Mindlessly. It’s incredible… It is appalling that a 3-4 yr old kid will end up with a remote controlled car of $120… or clothing from GAP or JC PENNEY… It is plain wrong when you think about it, children destroy the toys they get, o forget about them after 2 days… and their clothing wont fit in 4 months. I don’t get it… People fuss over the wrong things, yet the TRUE meaning of Xmas has died… it was agonizing last year, but somehow managed to survive… This year, WHAM! DEAD! CAPUT! What a shame… Me, I am not a gift fan. I only give a few, and only to the people who are closest to me. And I don’t fall for the expensive train. I give something needed, or practical, or thoughtful. People need to learn the difference between something for show and something that says “You REALLY thought of me!”. I used to make small paintings, but I have no time or patience for that right now… Having 8 cats doesn’t help that case either… LOL Big deal… At least I know that next year things will straighten up in my financial life and I’ll be able to indulge myself and those I love once in a while. For that I am happy.
What else makes me happy? My cats make me very happy. Humans can learn much from them. Also, being able to talk and see and walk makes me quite happy… I have seen so many that lack these blessings… Being alive, able to make decisions, able to do the things that matter to me makes me VERY happy… I have much to do, I have not lived life to the fullest, and that has been the lesson Betsy has taught me with her death: She TRULY lived, and so her death was sad but she did everything she dreamt of… although she had more plans… I have plans, many… And I have postponed TRULY living for so long thanks to the things that one must do… I believe in giving, in helping, in putting others before me… I believe in causes that are almost extinct… I have done my part to keep that flame alive, but I also need to achieve my plans, as soon as possible… If I am to die, I want to die after doing what I was MEANT to do… And I hope it happens that way… So… I am happy I am still alive, so I can do something to make my dreams come true. I am happy I have the few friends I have: Lucinda, Coriolis, Zordak, Groundel… They have been there for me through the good the bad and the Ugly… for more than 10 years. I am very proud of calling them MY FRIENDS… Especially Groundel. He has been more than a friend, always, yet he has been able to put aside feelings for my own happiness. He cares for me in health and sickness, and he is always there to wipe my tears and tell me things will be all right. He has been there with me, making sacrifices, and thrilling on the good times. No one has been there for me as he has, and that weights a-lot in my heart.
It makes me happy going to my auntie’s house and even arguing with her. And it also makes me happy thinking about the family I have in Texas. Working makes me happy, and being able to solve problems and make creative thinguies… Watching the sky meeting the sea at my dear lighthouse makes me happy, as it makes me feel God’s presence all around me… Meeting Coriolis and Joe whenever I go to the Area Metro makes me happy as they fill my life with laughter. Writing, drawing… transmitting my feelings… making those around me happy, sharing all I have with those I love… Dreaming, believing… It all makes me happy. And all of that is without having my happy pill! :)
So… Maybe this Xmas sucks, maybe the environment is not the best, but there are many things that makes me smile and keep hope for a better tomorrow. Thanks to my supporting cast, MERRY XMAS to all, and to all a GOOD life!
10-4
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Packed stores equals stay at home cinema session. So, this week’s reviews:
The Princess Diaries 2: Loved it. Julie Andrews rules!!!
Dracula 3000: Finally, something WORST than Queen of the Damned… Do not even pick it up, PLEASE!
Kaena, the Prophecy: Outstanding music, outstanding animation… lame writing… Ok movie to pass the night…
Hero: I liked it, although the storytelling is slow and the movie is predictable… Loved the play on colors.
Blessed: Another movie about a pregnant woman delivering evil…
The Stepford Wives: Nicole Kidman, would you marry me? LOL I just WORSHIP this woman’s ability to be such a chameleon… She looks different in every movie, and every movie she appears on lately is a very well written one… Loved this re-make not-so-re-make…
Aliens, special edition: Revisited Aliens2 for the 2nd time this month, watched most of the 2 hour special ed documentary of the making of… Damn, it was really HELL for those people making this movie… Knowing that special effects were in the face with no digital touch ups (as the technology was not available by then) gives the viewing experience a whole new dimension… I always thought the alien queen was computer-made… WoW!
Well, I could actually go in the mall and found nothing in any clothing section. At least I got something cute: 2 pairs of socks depicting the evil queens from Sleeping Beauty and Snow White… Yay! And it was simply hilarious watching the Best of What Not To Wear last night… Missed the best of Trading Spaces, I forgot they were gonna show it… Oh, well…
Coriolis and Joe met for a techno dance session... PVC hot pants versus pink tutu... Who shall be the champion? Heeeehaaaa LOL Actually, it was business matters but still I couldn't resist making fun of them. It is my duty. :D (Luv ya guys!)
It is Sunday afternoon, the heat is on and I am hungry… gotta visit Auntie Mae for some supper… Jehjehjeh…
10-4
The Princess Diaries 2: Loved it. Julie Andrews rules!!!
Dracula 3000: Finally, something WORST than Queen of the Damned… Do not even pick it up, PLEASE!
Kaena, the Prophecy: Outstanding music, outstanding animation… lame writing… Ok movie to pass the night…
Hero: I liked it, although the storytelling is slow and the movie is predictable… Loved the play on colors.
Blessed: Another movie about a pregnant woman delivering evil…
The Stepford Wives: Nicole Kidman, would you marry me? LOL I just WORSHIP this woman’s ability to be such a chameleon… She looks different in every movie, and every movie she appears on lately is a very well written one… Loved this re-make not-so-re-make…
Aliens, special edition: Revisited Aliens2 for the 2nd time this month, watched most of the 2 hour special ed documentary of the making of… Damn, it was really HELL for those people making this movie… Knowing that special effects were in the face with no digital touch ups (as the technology was not available by then) gives the viewing experience a whole new dimension… I always thought the alien queen was computer-made… WoW!
Well, I could actually go in the mall and found nothing in any clothing section. At least I got something cute: 2 pairs of socks depicting the evil queens from Sleeping Beauty and Snow White… Yay! And it was simply hilarious watching the Best of What Not To Wear last night… Missed the best of Trading Spaces, I forgot they were gonna show it… Oh, well…
Coriolis and Joe met for a techno dance session... PVC hot pants versus pink tutu... Who shall be the champion? Heeeehaaaa LOL Actually, it was business matters but still I couldn't resist making fun of them. It is my duty. :D (Luv ya guys!)
It is Sunday afternoon, the heat is on and I am hungry… gotta visit Auntie Mae for some supper… Jehjehjeh…
10-4
Friday, December 17, 2004
Yesterday was a baby shower for one of my co-workers… Everyone was surprised I knew how to sing "Arroz con leche", the extended edition… LOL Actually I was the only one who knew all songs… I guess they all thought I had no childhood… :P I thought of Betsy a-lot... :(
And I wished...
I wish things were easy for a change, one gets tired of swimming against the current and fighting alone for the causes that matter…
I wish everyone would make things less complicated, everyone should share love and embrace in brotherhood, and sing along "Cumbaya…"
I wish that people would acknowledge love at all stages and let themselves go of hate… Hate is not worth it… Hate destroys every oportunity of letting your soul smile…
I wish that the people I love most would not disappoint me so often… Just the right amount…
I wish that those I love most had all the time in the world for me… As I have all the time in the world for them…
I wish that fights would stop, and something nice would come to me every day… That would be a grrrrreat change…
I wish I were not taken for granted all the time, just because I am "tough" doesn't mean I have no feelings…
I wish people were not two-face, but genuine and free… and tolerance were the news of the day…
I wish someday I can have a nice, loving family… So I can start traditions, and show my so called wisdom…
So… those are my Xmas wishes… May them come true…
10-4
And I wished...
I wish things were easy for a change, one gets tired of swimming against the current and fighting alone for the causes that matter…
I wish everyone would make things less complicated, everyone should share love and embrace in brotherhood, and sing along "Cumbaya…"
I wish that people would acknowledge love at all stages and let themselves go of hate… Hate is not worth it… Hate destroys every oportunity of letting your soul smile…
I wish that the people I love most would not disappoint me so often… Just the right amount…
I wish that those I love most had all the time in the world for me… As I have all the time in the world for them…
I wish that fights would stop, and something nice would come to me every day… That would be a grrrrreat change…
I wish I were not taken for granted all the time, just because I am "tough" doesn't mean I have no feelings…
I wish people were not two-face, but genuine and free… and tolerance were the news of the day…
I wish someday I can have a nice, loving family… So I can start traditions, and show my so called wisdom…
So… those are my Xmas wishes… May them come true…
10-4
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Well, so much for partying… Yesterday was a conference day at San Germán, and I couldn't go because… Guess what? I was SICK. Damnit! It's all a conspiracy against me having fun or dressing up and going out… I was so pissed about it! Not that I could actually THINK about it until late afternoon… And why I got sick? It's the most stupid thing in the whole world: I was drugged.
Ok, don't think badly about it. It all started on Tuesday night, when Trilogy asked me to pick him up and go eat. So I did. We went to get some pizza, and after a great dinner he went to the powder room and I opened up my purse and my blue pill case to take my diabetes pills. I usually carry my pills and Groundel's pills, plus my depression pills. Well, seems I took one that wasn't mine and one depression pill (which I am supposed to take only once a day and I already took in the morning). Soooo... By the time I left Trilogy in his house I had a headache and extreme sleepiness. I went in, and while he went to get some water I fall completely asleep. An hour and a half later I woke up dazed and confused, my eyes completely sunken. I knew I had to get home or I just would not move for hours. So, I left, driving in what it seems a hazed eternity, went home and fall in my bed without even changing. I woke up at 10 am, when I had the instant urge to throw up. My head was spinning, I was too uncoordinated to move more than 3 feet… Extreme headache/migraine… So basically, got tired of seeing everything spinning and fall asleep again. By 4pm I woke up with headache but at least feeling a bit better… still sleepy but no more dizziness… So, yes… I guess that qualifies as drugged, confused and sick… But not on purpose, and damnit… it was AWFUL!
Trilogy visited for a brief time, late at night. Played with Isis for a bit, stared at the Xmas tree for a bit and then went home… he said he was not going to play at night… he needed to do laundry so he had something to wear to school for today. Whatever. :)
After he went away I logged in to do some Xmas shopping, as it seems that stores around here are just impossible. I rather shop in the net than get pushed and screamed at…
Groundel arrived with a special treat: Hershey's chocolate fudge ice cream and cake… Yummy! That was nice of him. He always tries to cheer me up with food… And it works. :P
Right now at work... I realized I left my office's keys so I had to get the spares at the director's office. Not much to do today… And still feeling sleepy… but at least I am not stepping on clouds or falling over my kitties…
Let's see what else happens…
10-4
Ok, don't think badly about it. It all started on Tuesday night, when Trilogy asked me to pick him up and go eat. So I did. We went to get some pizza, and after a great dinner he went to the powder room and I opened up my purse and my blue pill case to take my diabetes pills. I usually carry my pills and Groundel's pills, plus my depression pills. Well, seems I took one that wasn't mine and one depression pill (which I am supposed to take only once a day and I already took in the morning). Soooo... By the time I left Trilogy in his house I had a headache and extreme sleepiness. I went in, and while he went to get some water I fall completely asleep. An hour and a half later I woke up dazed and confused, my eyes completely sunken. I knew I had to get home or I just would not move for hours. So, I left, driving in what it seems a hazed eternity, went home and fall in my bed without even changing. I woke up at 10 am, when I had the instant urge to throw up. My head was spinning, I was too uncoordinated to move more than 3 feet… Extreme headache/migraine… So basically, got tired of seeing everything spinning and fall asleep again. By 4pm I woke up with headache but at least feeling a bit better… still sleepy but no more dizziness… So, yes… I guess that qualifies as drugged, confused and sick… But not on purpose, and damnit… it was AWFUL!
Trilogy visited for a brief time, late at night. Played with Isis for a bit, stared at the Xmas tree for a bit and then went home… he said he was not going to play at night… he needed to do laundry so he had something to wear to school for today. Whatever. :)
After he went away I logged in to do some Xmas shopping, as it seems that stores around here are just impossible. I rather shop in the net than get pushed and screamed at…
Groundel arrived with a special treat: Hershey's chocolate fudge ice cream and cake… Yummy! That was nice of him. He always tries to cheer me up with food… And it works. :P
Right now at work... I realized I left my office's keys so I had to get the spares at the director's office. Not much to do today… And still feeling sleepy… but at least I am not stepping on clouds or falling over my kitties…
Let's see what else happens…
10-4
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
The past days have been frugal and ecclectic... Enjoying my lovely kitties, appreciating Roxy and Isis and Set and Crow and Kali...and Michita and Cyric and Kyo... for they give love and innocence and expect nothing but food and water and a clean litter in return... Awwwwwww...
FRIDAY: Long day, very very sad... Found out had a reunion in SJ at 8am... Obviously missed it... I got the message at 8:30 am. No comments... Ahhhhhhh!!! Still dazed and confused because of Betsy's thinguie... Miss her a-lot. No one calls me up at work now... she was the only one that did... Long, long day...
SATURDAY: Made a lame attempt to go to the Mall. Argh! Seems that people turned into lepreachuns or something... I tried to get a parking spot for an hour, and gave up. People were unpolite, with seedy eyes and very angry... I don't get it... It looked like 24th of December at 8pm... Geesh! Get a life, people!!! Sooo, rented 4 movies and hibernated. It was the best bet to keep sanity at bay.
The Kingdom: Ok... Not what I expected, it was a haunted hospital flick that lasts for almost 4 hours... Old movie, set in Dannish land... I liked it. It was well written. The outcome of where the ghost girl was surprised me. Cool crazy foreign movie.
Divine secrets of the Ya-Ya sisterhood: Why is it that... whenever there is a nut-brain almost psycho person who is hated by 90% of the people around her in the movie... her name is Viv? Cualquier semejanza es pura coincidencia. :D Ok... liked the movie, predictable... dramatic... was not enough to make me cry so it was just ok. Another Beaches-like friendship, mother-daughter, problems-good times chick flick...
Asylum of Darkness: I won't even bother... Enough to say that they show the demon just before the movie really starts... Crappy... Stupid... Waste of money... Doggies poo.
Aliens:Resurrection: Another take on all-time scary Sigourney Weaver. LOL Stupid crappy movie, only thing that saves it is the nice Aliens collaboration as they act flawlessly. :D
SUNDAY: Woke up early to get to the mall to get the kitty litter so my apartment doesn't smell bad in Xmas... Buahahahaha... Got it, ran away from the mall as fast as I could... It was packed, again... and it was only 11 am... GET A LIFE PEOPLEEEEE!!!! So... afternoon watching the last of Aliens and then to my aunt's house to snatch food. Then home to sleep... 3 days without login into the Net... Wow!
MONDAY: Overall blue but happy. Mixed fruit in my brain... LOL Whatever... Got home and was completely drained so slept from 5 to 10. Small interruption at 7 when Trilogy called... His grandma on the father's side was buried at 2pm. RIP. He seemed to miss me... Whatever... Back to sleep... Then logged to check my mail, and then off to bed by 11...
TUESDAY: And still, I feel sleepy... Here I am, at work... Frustrated with some tools that look like hell... Waiting for a friggin ladder to throw a friggin cable... And feeling a bit blue but trying to kick it off.
So this is what I have been up to, and now, I must tune off...
10-4
FRIDAY: Long day, very very sad... Found out had a reunion in SJ at 8am... Obviously missed it... I got the message at 8:30 am. No comments... Ahhhhhhh!!! Still dazed and confused because of Betsy's thinguie... Miss her a-lot. No one calls me up at work now... she was the only one that did...
SATURDAY: Made a lame attempt to go to the Mall. Argh! Seems that people turned into lepreachuns or something... I tried to get a parking spot for an hour, and gave up. People were unpolite, with seedy eyes and very angry... I don't get it... It looked like 24th of December at 8pm... Geesh! Get a life, people!!! Sooo, rented 4 movies and hibernated. It was the best bet to keep sanity at bay.
The Kingdom: Ok... Not what I expected, it was a haunted hospital flick that lasts for almost 4 hours... Old movie, set in Dannish land... I liked it. It was well written. The outcome of where the ghost girl was surprised me. Cool crazy foreign movie.
Divine secrets of the Ya-Ya sisterhood: Why is it that... whenever there is a nut-brain almost psycho person who is hated by 90% of the people around her in the movie... her name is Viv? Cualquier semejanza es pura coincidencia. :D Ok... liked the movie, predictable... dramatic... was not enough to make me cry so it was just ok. Another Beaches-like friendship, mother-daughter, problems-good times chick flick...
Asylum of Darkness: I won't even bother... Enough to say that they show the demon just before the movie really starts... Crappy... Stupid... Waste of money... Doggies poo.
Aliens:Resurrection: Another take on all-time scary Sigourney Weaver. LOL Stupid crappy movie, only thing that saves it is the nice Aliens collaboration as they act flawlessly. :D
SUNDAY: Woke up early to get to the mall to get the kitty litter so my apartment doesn't smell bad in Xmas... Buahahahaha... Got it, ran away from the mall as fast as I could... It was packed, again... and it was only 11 am... GET A LIFE PEOPLEEEEE!!!! So... afternoon watching the last of Aliens and then to my aunt's house to snatch food. Then home to sleep... 3 days without login into the Net... Wow!
MONDAY: Overall blue but happy. Mixed fruit in my brain... LOL Whatever... Got home and was completely drained so slept from 5 to 10. Small interruption at 7 when Trilogy called... His grandma on the father's side was buried at 2pm. RIP. He seemed to miss me... Whatever... Back to sleep... Then logged to check my mail, and then off to bed by 11...
TUESDAY: And still, I feel sleepy... Here I am, at work... Frustrated with some tools that look like hell... Waiting for a friggin ladder to throw a friggin cable... And feeling a bit blue but trying to kick it off.
So this is what I have been up to, and now, I must tune off...
10-4
Friday, December 10, 2004
I was not going to travel to San Juan, so on Wednesday I went to work and so the day passed... But I was feeling bad about not seeing Betsy. I mean, I know that the long travel makes me almost catatonic when I arrive home... but this would be my last chance to see her. Since I was hesitant, I asked Alex to go send a floral arrangement for her... He made the arrangements during the day. Thank you, Alex! :)
During the afternoon, there was the bad news that one of the supervisor's mother died, and they were preparing the buses to take the people to the funeral and to the cementery. It made me think, hey, all these people are going to see the co-worker's mom... And I am not going to see my friend? I got home and got a call from Alex saying he took care of everything. Then he described the floral thinguie and I couldn't help but burst in tears. He got exactly what I had in mind but didn't mention to him... When I hanged up I guess I had my mind made up... Guess that was the boost I needed to go say my farewells to my dear friend...
I was lucky. I didn't want to go alone, and I asked Joe to go with me. He didn't even thought about it, saying yes right away. So, in the morning, instead of driving to work I drove to Carolina to go pick up Joe. He was still sleeping but got ready in a flash and off we went to find the place... I was told my friend was in one place and turned out she was in another... We almost got lost, sort of... I had no idea where we were all the time, I had too many thoughts crowded in my mind. I was just thinking that I would not make it in time, that I would not see her, and that thought was drilling into my mind... We finally made it. I rushed up the stairs and rushed to the funeral chapel. I hear someone say my name but it was so far that I ignored the voice. I even forgot about Joe following me. I just had to see her, and I thought I was too late. But I wasn't. She was still exposed, charmingly surrounded by flowers.
The coffin was pure white, as the satin interior and her clothing. A veil was covering her exposed face, and it gave her an eerie feel... Over the coffin, a huge floral arrangement made of small red rosebuds embraced her. It look beautiful. The lights on the sides, and the overall placement of all caskets was beautiful. Her mother was there, lost in her sorrow... asking her daughter to take her along, asking why her daughter could not even live long enough to at least see her son. It made my heart feel oppressed. I know the history behind Betsy's mom... She's an old lady, frail, constantly sick... and Betsy was her life... I fear this pain may be too much for her... I looked around looking for Tony, but he was not inside the chapel. So I sat for a while, observing... The whole scene was surreal. Yes, I had to go and see for myself because somehow until that moment I didn't really believe it... I hoped that it was a prank, a jest... But no, it wasn't. I did well on travelling from Mayaguez if only to be there for half an hour. Although I was deeply troubled, my mind went blank and a huge sense of relief came over me. They made the call for the mass, and I went out because I did not intend to stay for that. I knew people would get emotional, and I cannot be around that at least not for too long... I am a sponge for vibes and I know when I am getting overflooded. But I wanted to at least see Tony. As I went back into the chapel to ask for him, I felt a hand in my shoulder. At first I did not recognize him, but there he was... Funny, he found me. He smiled as we hugged. I only got to say "I almost didn't make it". And he answered "But you did". And with that I went to Joe and told him I was done, that we could go.
So... Joe spoke of food and we went to get food. He did his job well, as he made me laugh. Although I was not really thinking... But I guess that comes with the events... I don't know if I would have been able to be calm and serene if he had not been there. I arrived hyper and cranky and anxious, and he worked his magic flawlessly. Thank you, Joe. :) Then I left him at his second home.
Driving back home was like an elven reverie... Images of all that happenned in this almost 5 years that I have known Betsy... when I arrived in MIS, her sweet bitchyness with the guys, her giant attitude for a small body frame, her efficiency at work and her efficiency as a mom... Whenever I needed to stay in San Juan for a reunion or conference or whatever, she always offered her house no matter if it was the small apartment at Carolina or the crowded house in Rip Piedras... I was there at her wedding with Tony... Whenever she travelled she gave me pictures of weird places that reminded her of me (like the Salem witches museum)... Jejeje... And she was going to stay at a Cabo Rojo resort to attend my wedding with all her family. She was there to give me advise, to laugh at my jokes, to get upset at me for not being on time, to preach me, to give me the "Evil Eye", to share her food... good times and bad times, she was ALWAYS there. I guess she must be laughing, she finally made me get the toll tickets that I owed her...
A day after, and the change is visible. At least she got the best end of the bargain, she is now in a better place than we are. And it is not a goodbye, but a see you around... In the end, we will all meet again. A hug, a kiss and a smile. Thanks for everything, Betsy. :)
10-4
During the afternoon, there was the bad news that one of the supervisor's mother died, and they were preparing the buses to take the people to the funeral and to the cementery. It made me think, hey, all these people are going to see the co-worker's mom... And I am not going to see my friend? I got home and got a call from Alex saying he took care of everything. Then he described the floral thinguie and I couldn't help but burst in tears. He got exactly what I had in mind but didn't mention to him... When I hanged up I guess I had my mind made up... Guess that was the boost I needed to go say my farewells to my dear friend...
I was lucky. I didn't want to go alone, and I asked Joe to go with me. He didn't even thought about it, saying yes right away. So, in the morning, instead of driving to work I drove to Carolina to go pick up Joe. He was still sleeping but got ready in a flash and off we went to find the place... I was told my friend was in one place and turned out she was in another... We almost got lost, sort of... I had no idea where we were all the time, I had too many thoughts crowded in my mind. I was just thinking that I would not make it in time, that I would not see her, and that thought was drilling into my mind... We finally made it. I rushed up the stairs and rushed to the funeral chapel. I hear someone say my name but it was so far that I ignored the voice. I even forgot about Joe following me. I just had to see her, and I thought I was too late. But I wasn't. She was still exposed, charmingly surrounded by flowers.
The coffin was pure white, as the satin interior and her clothing. A veil was covering her exposed face, and it gave her an eerie feel... Over the coffin, a huge floral arrangement made of small red rosebuds embraced her. It look beautiful. The lights on the sides, and the overall placement of all caskets was beautiful. Her mother was there, lost in her sorrow... asking her daughter to take her along, asking why her daughter could not even live long enough to at least see her son. It made my heart feel oppressed. I know the history behind Betsy's mom... She's an old lady, frail, constantly sick... and Betsy was her life... I fear this pain may be too much for her... I looked around looking for Tony, but he was not inside the chapel. So I sat for a while, observing... The whole scene was surreal. Yes, I had to go and see for myself because somehow until that moment I didn't really believe it... I hoped that it was a prank, a jest... But no, it wasn't. I did well on travelling from Mayaguez if only to be there for half an hour. Although I was deeply troubled, my mind went blank and a huge sense of relief came over me. They made the call for the mass, and I went out because I did not intend to stay for that. I knew people would get emotional, and I cannot be around that at least not for too long... I am a sponge for vibes and I know when I am getting overflooded. But I wanted to at least see Tony. As I went back into the chapel to ask for him, I felt a hand in my shoulder. At first I did not recognize him, but there he was... Funny, he found me. He smiled as we hugged. I only got to say "I almost didn't make it". And he answered "But you did". And with that I went to Joe and told him I was done, that we could go.
So... Joe spoke of food and we went to get food. He did his job well, as he made me laugh. Although I was not really thinking... But I guess that comes with the events... I don't know if I would have been able to be calm and serene if he had not been there. I arrived hyper and cranky and anxious, and he worked his magic flawlessly. Thank you, Joe. :) Then I left him at his second home.
Driving back home was like an elven reverie... Images of all that happenned in this almost 5 years that I have known Betsy... when I arrived in MIS, her sweet bitchyness with the guys, her giant attitude for a small body frame, her efficiency at work and her efficiency as a mom... Whenever I needed to stay in San Juan for a reunion or conference or whatever, she always offered her house no matter if it was the small apartment at Carolina or the crowded house in Rip Piedras... I was there at her wedding with Tony... Whenever she travelled she gave me pictures of weird places that reminded her of me (like the Salem witches museum)... Jejeje... And she was going to stay at a Cabo Rojo resort to attend my wedding with all her family. She was there to give me advise, to laugh at my jokes, to get upset at me for not being on time, to preach me, to give me the "Evil Eye", to share her food... good times and bad times, she was ALWAYS there. I guess she must be laughing, she finally made me get the toll tickets that I owed her...
A day after, and the change is visible. At least she got the best end of the bargain, she is now in a better place than we are. And it is not a goodbye, but a see you around... In the end, we will all meet again. A hug, a kiss and a smile. Thanks for everything, Betsy. :)
10-4
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
En Memoria de Besynet Maldonado
"Your brother shall rise again."
(John 11:23)
When I was told Betsy passed away, I didn't know what to say... More than a co-worker, she was my dearest friend...
Then I remembered what Jesus said, when He saw Mary and Martha crying
after the death of their brother, Lazarus:
"Your brother shall rise again."
Know that Betsy is in a place of true peace now,
where there is no more pain, neither sorrow, nor crying.
And, as Jesus told Mary and Martha, you shall see her again.
Paul told the Thessalonians they should not grieve
as those who do not have the hope of eternal life,
that those who "fall asleep" in Jesus shall rise again.
We have this hope.
God is supreme and fully in charge of all things.
Nothing takes Him by surprise.
Our job is to trust the Father's wisdom (Father Knows Best).
He really does have the eternal perspective and oversight on such things
and truly does have our best interests in mind.
"All things work together for good ..." (Romans 8:28)
Take care, little lamb.
Many things about tomorrow we don't understand,
but we know Who holds tomorrow ... and I know He holds your hand.
Your Shepherd dearly loves you, Betsy.
Rest in His arms. Tell him how you feel.
He will comfort you and give you peace.
In His never-ending love...
Recordaré siempre con mucho cariño a esta querida compañera y amiga, que siempre dio más del 100% en todo lo que hacía, que siempre pensaba en los demás primero antes que ella misma. Una excelente profesional, una excelente madre y esposa, una excelente amiga.
Betsy: Nos haces falta... Jamás te olvidaremos. Descansa en paz.
"Your brother shall rise again."
(John 11:23)
When I was told Betsy passed away, I didn't know what to say... More than a co-worker, she was my dearest friend...
Then I remembered what Jesus said, when He saw Mary and Martha crying
after the death of their brother, Lazarus:
"Your brother shall rise again."
Know that Betsy is in a place of true peace now,
where there is no more pain, neither sorrow, nor crying.
And, as Jesus told Mary and Martha, you shall see her again.
Paul told the Thessalonians they should not grieve
as those who do not have the hope of eternal life,
that those who "fall asleep" in Jesus shall rise again.
We have this hope.
God is supreme and fully in charge of all things.
Nothing takes Him by surprise.
Our job is to trust the Father's wisdom (Father Knows Best).
He really does have the eternal perspective and oversight on such things
and truly does have our best interests in mind.
"All things work together for good ..." (Romans 8:28)
Take care, little lamb.
Many things about tomorrow we don't understand,
but we know Who holds tomorrow ... and I know He holds your hand.
Your Shepherd dearly loves you, Betsy.
Rest in His arms. Tell him how you feel.
He will comfort you and give you peace.
In His never-ending love...
Recordaré siempre con mucho cariño a esta querida compañera y amiga, que siempre dio más del 100% en todo lo que hacía, que siempre pensaba en los demás primero antes que ella misma. Una excelente profesional, una excelente madre y esposa, una excelente amiga.
Betsy: Nos haces falta... Jamás te olvidaremos. Descansa en paz.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Betsynet, my only friend at work, in San Juan, had some issues while giving birth last week... as of this morning she was diagnosed with brain death. As of today, her baby can go home and is alive and kicking... Her body, waiting for some miracle, or someone to plug off the cable.
This was all a surprise, unplesant of course... Last week was the baby shower but since I was sick I couldn't make it. No one from the office of San Juan told me that she was in the hospital, her so called "colleagues" assumed that perhaps I would use a crystal ball to get the news... I don't even know in which hospital they keep her...
I hope that Tony is strong, I hope he survives as we all know how much he loves her. Now he must be strong for the 3 children that need him. As for Betsy... Her life was short, but fruitful. She did many things, travelled many times, and brought smiles and trust and warmth around her. She was there whenever I needed a helping hand out there in the Metro area, and she was the only "co-worker" whom I dare to call a friend, as she was not a two-face. She carried many roles over her shoulders... I hope that at least the pains stopped. Be at peace, and do not hurry death... let her come gently, as if in a dream...
10-4
This was all a surprise, unplesant of course... Last week was the baby shower but since I was sick I couldn't make it. No one from the office of San Juan told me that she was in the hospital, her so called "colleagues" assumed that perhaps I would use a crystal ball to get the news... I don't even know in which hospital they keep her...
I hope that Tony is strong, I hope he survives as we all know how much he loves her. Now he must be strong for the 3 children that need him. As for Betsy... Her life was short, but fruitful. She did many things, travelled many times, and brought smiles and trust and warmth around her. She was there whenever I needed a helping hand out there in the Metro area, and she was the only "co-worker" whom I dare to call a friend, as she was not a two-face. She carried many roles over her shoulders... I hope that at least the pains stopped. Be at peace, and do not hurry death... let her come gently, as if in a dream...
10-4
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Yesterday... Put together the small Xmas tree for my aunt's living room... That's the "come-mierda" one... It turned out AWESOME. Gotta take a pic of the "Innocense" tree, as I baptized it... Last night visited (por fin!!!) al Calvo. Judith appeared so it turned out to be a fun entertaining evening. Laughed a-lot, had to let go of my kitty choker because I almost strangled myself with laughter! :)
Today... Putting the palms together, tied them so the leaves wont bother anyone, or better say so no one keeps pulling them apart... Hmmm... After that hunted for some decorations for my aunt's big Xmas tree. Went to her house, got some cash for getting the musical lights and went back for showtime... Put together the tree, and it is very very happy... Last year it looked lame, this year it really rocks! Yayyyyyy! The long hours paid off... I still have to put the lights around the fence, but that will be next weeks story... One thing at a time. I ain't that young no more... :P
So, since I've been busy I have snapped of the crying game. It's better just to do what I have, no point in waiting around for things to happen... Especially when I know they just won't.
10-4
Today... Putting the palms together, tied them so the leaves wont bother anyone, or better say so no one keeps pulling them apart... Hmmm... After that hunted for some decorations for my aunt's big Xmas tree. Went to her house, got some cash for getting the musical lights and went back for showtime... Put together the tree, and it is very very happy... Last year it looked lame, this year it really rocks! Yayyyyyy! The long hours paid off... I still have to put the lights around the fence, but that will be next weeks story... One thing at a time. I ain't that young no more... :P
So, since I've been busy I have snapped of the crying game. It's better just to do what I have, no point in waiting around for things to happen... Especially when I know they just won't.
10-4
La Rosa y El Sapo
Había una vez una rosa roja muy hermosa y bella. Que maravilla al saber que era la rosa mas bella del jardín. Sin embargo, se daba cuenta de que la gente la veía de lejos.
Un día se dio cuenta de que al lado de ella siempre había un sapo grande y oscuro y que era por eso que nadie se acercaba a verla de cerca. Indignada ante lo descubierto le ordeno al sapo que se fuera de inmediato; el sapo muy obediente dijo: "Esta bien, si así lo quieres".
Poco tiempo después el sapo paso por donde estaba la rosa y se sorprendió al ver la rosa totalmente marchita, sin hojas y sin pétalos. Le dijo entonces: "Vaya que te ves muy mal. ¿Que te paso?"
La rosa contesto "Es que desde que te fuiste las hormigas me han comido día a día, y nunca pude volver a ser igual".
El sapo solo contesto, "Pues claro, cuando yo estaba aquí me comía a esas hormigas y por eso siempre eras la mas bella del jardín".
Moraleja:
Muchas veces despreciamos a los demás por creer que somos mas que ellos, mas bellos o simplemente que no nos "sirven" para nada..
Dios no hace a nadie para que este sobrando en este mundo, todos tenemos algo especial que hacer, algo que aprender de los demás o algo que enseñar, y nadie debe despreciar a nadie...
No vaya a ser que esa persona nos haga un bien del cual ni siquiera estemos conscientes.
Había una vez una rosa roja muy hermosa y bella. Que maravilla al saber que era la rosa mas bella del jardín. Sin embargo, se daba cuenta de que la gente la veía de lejos.
Un día se dio cuenta de que al lado de ella siempre había un sapo grande y oscuro y que era por eso que nadie se acercaba a verla de cerca. Indignada ante lo descubierto le ordeno al sapo que se fuera de inmediato; el sapo muy obediente dijo: "Esta bien, si así lo quieres".
Poco tiempo después el sapo paso por donde estaba la rosa y se sorprendió al ver la rosa totalmente marchita, sin hojas y sin pétalos. Le dijo entonces: "Vaya que te ves muy mal. ¿Que te paso?"
La rosa contesto "Es que desde que te fuiste las hormigas me han comido día a día, y nunca pude volver a ser igual".
El sapo solo contesto, "Pues claro, cuando yo estaba aquí me comía a esas hormigas y por eso siempre eras la mas bella del jardín".
Moraleja:
Muchas veces despreciamos a los demás por creer que somos mas que ellos, mas bellos o simplemente que no nos "sirven" para nada..
Dios no hace a nadie para que este sobrando en este mundo, todos tenemos algo especial que hacer, algo que aprender de los demás o algo que enseñar, y nadie debe despreciar a nadie...
No vaya a ser que esa persona nos haga un bien del cual ni siquiera estemos conscientes.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Surrounded by insensitive assholes. What to do? It is destiny, it seems... Why is it that no one has CLASS these days? Or plain common sense? Guilt trips doesnt work on me. And thoughtless behaviour just feeds my anger... Anger at every being that doesn't have a tail and doesn't purrs.
No sleep whatsoever... Mindboggling hops of the brainwaves keeping me awake... Uno mata a cuchillo de palo, el otro mata a cuchillo de estupidez.
... nothing to say... just keep all words that I want to scream buried in my throat... just peeking...
No sleep whatsoever... Mindboggling hops of the brainwaves keeping me awake... Uno mata a cuchillo de palo, el otro mata a cuchillo de estupidez.
... nothing to say... just keep all words that I want to scream buried in my throat... just peeking...
Friday, December 03, 2004
I'm a cold heartbreaker
Fit ta burn and I'll rip
Your heart in two
An I'll leave you lyin' on the bed
I'll be out the door before ya wake
It's nuthin' new ta you
'Cause I think we've seen that movie too
'Cause you could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nuthin' done
I said you could be mine
Now holidays come and then they go
It's nothin' new today
Collect another memory
When I come home late at night
Don't ask me where I've been
Just count your stars
I'm home again
'Cause you could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nuthin' done
I said you could be mine
You've gone sketchin' too many times
Why don't ya give it a rest
Why
Must you find
Another reason to cry
While you're breakin' down my back n' I been rackin' out my brain
It don't matter how we make it
'Cause it always ends the same
You can push it for more mileage
But your flaps r' wearin' thin
And I could sleep on it 'til mornin'
But this nightmare never ends
Don't forget to call my lawyers
With ridiculous demands
An you can take the pity so far
But it's more than I can stand
'Cause this couchtrip's gettin' older
Tell me how long has it been
'Cause 5 years is forever
An you haven't grown up yet
You could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nuthin' done
I said you could be mine
You should be
You could be mine
Yeah !
-Guns'n Roses, "You could be mine"
Fit ta burn and I'll rip
Your heart in two
An I'll leave you lyin' on the bed
I'll be out the door before ya wake
It's nuthin' new ta you
'Cause I think we've seen that movie too
'Cause you could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nuthin' done
I said you could be mine
Now holidays come and then they go
It's nothin' new today
Collect another memory
When I come home late at night
Don't ask me where I've been
Just count your stars
I'm home again
'Cause you could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nuthin' done
I said you could be mine
You've gone sketchin' too many times
Why don't ya give it a rest
Why
Must you find
Another reason to cry
While you're breakin' down my back n' I been rackin' out my brain
It don't matter how we make it
'Cause it always ends the same
You can push it for more mileage
But your flaps r' wearin' thin
And I could sleep on it 'til mornin'
But this nightmare never ends
Don't forget to call my lawyers
With ridiculous demands
An you can take the pity so far
But it's more than I can stand
'Cause this couchtrip's gettin' older
Tell me how long has it been
'Cause 5 years is forever
An you haven't grown up yet
You could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nuthin' done
I said you could be mine
You should be
You could be mine
Yeah !
-Guns'n Roses, "You could be mine"
Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the city of angel
Lonely as I am, together we cry
I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills 'cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy
I never worry, now that ain't a lie.
Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way, yeah, yeah, yeah
It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe that I'm all alone
At least I have her love, the city she loves me
Lonely as I am, together we cry
Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way, yeah, yeah, yeah
oh no, no, no, yeah, yeah
love me, I say, yeah yeah
One time
(under the bridge downtown)
(is where I drew some blood)
is where I drew some blood
(under the bridge downtown)
(i could not get enough)
i could not get enough
(under the bridge downtown)
(forgot about my love)
forgot about my love
(under the bridge downtown)
(i gave my life away)
i gave my life away yeah, yeah yeah
(away)
no, no, no, yeah, yeah
(away)
no, no, i say, yeah, yeah
(away)
Here I stay
-Red Hot Chilli Peppers, "Under the bridge"
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the city of angel
Lonely as I am, together we cry
I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills 'cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy
I never worry, now that ain't a lie.
Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way, yeah, yeah, yeah
It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe that I'm all alone
At least I have her love, the city she loves me
Lonely as I am, together we cry
Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way, yeah, yeah, yeah
oh no, no, no, yeah, yeah
love me, I say, yeah yeah
One time
(under the bridge downtown)
(is where I drew some blood)
is where I drew some blood
(under the bridge downtown)
(i could not get enough)
i could not get enough
(under the bridge downtown)
(forgot about my love)
forgot about my love
(under the bridge downtown)
(i gave my life away)
i gave my life away yeah, yeah yeah
(away)
no, no, no, yeah, yeah
(away)
no, no, i say, yeah, yeah
(away)
Here I stay
-Red Hot Chilli Peppers, "Under the bridge"
It takes a lifetime to become the best that we can be
We have not the time or the right to judge each other
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit - one life!
So make sure you like what's in your closet
I am what I am
I don't want praise I don't want pity
I bang my own drum
Some think it's noise, I think it's pretty
And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
Why not try to see things from a different angle
Your life is a sham
Till you can shout out
I am what I am
I am what I am
and what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
It's one life that I want to have a little pride in
My life, and it's not a place I have to hide in
Your life's worth a damn
Till you can shout out
I am what I am
I am what I am
I am what I am
-Gloria Gaynor, "I am what I am"
We have not the time or the right to judge each other
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit - one life!
So make sure you like what's in your closet
I am what I am
I don't want praise I don't want pity
I bang my own drum
Some think it's noise, I think it's pretty
And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
Why not try to see things from a different angle
Your life is a sham
Till you can shout out
I am what I am
I am what I am
and what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
It's one life that I want to have a little pride in
My life, and it's not a place I have to hide in
Your life's worth a damn
Till you can shout out
I am what I am
I am what I am
I am what I am
-Gloria Gaynor, "I am what I am"
Thanks to the high A/C setting at my office I arrived in pretty bad shape to my home yesterday, and was in bed for the rest of the night AND today. I couldn't move. And the coughing was pretty bad... So, today couldn't go to work, like they will weep for that fact... I am so unimportant in that hellish place, they don't even notice when I'm not there, unless of course, the server crashes... Npt even in the fire drills they remember me... Gotta repeat the mantra "2 more years, just 2 more years".
Feeling crappy. Reading about ol' Pops made me recall that 2 days ago I also slipped after getting some water from my fridge. Landed on my right knee... And somehow hurt mt left knee. Yup, add that to my overall sickness... I was walking as the crows from Looney Tunes... In a way, it was funny...
Trilogy called, to say "Oh, you are still sick... When am I gonna see you?". Well, pal... Whenever your cojones make you feel like it. I mean, he aint so desperate to see me if he has to think about it, after 7 days. A whole week, and it is so hard to move that body and walk over to my home. Fuck his stupid reasons, somethings are worth swallowing up a bit of pride, especially when it would actually send a message of "Heck, I care". And then comes the mandatory "I'll call you tomorrow"just 2 seconds after finishing the first sentence... And I have absolutely no reason to get upset... When will a REAL man make me fall in love with him? I guess thats the one that will never happen... Men are scarce, the good ones are taken or are gay... And too many women that would do ANYTHING for a piece of even the lowest scum. So... Thats plainly depressing. I am in love with someone who deserves not even a thought from me, for he do absolutely nothing for me... Some things never change... The only one that actually did something for me, like showing he REALLY wanted to see me and be with me was Joe. I don't get what is so difficult about doing that simple thing... The details that never happen are the ones that hurt most.
Anyway... I'm tired, everything aches, got a big headache, my heart is in pieces and I have no cable... It's the pits...
Feeling crappy. Reading about ol' Pops made me recall that 2 days ago I also slipped after getting some water from my fridge. Landed on my right knee... And somehow hurt mt left knee. Yup, add that to my overall sickness... I was walking as the crows from Looney Tunes... In a way, it was funny...
Trilogy called, to say "Oh, you are still sick... When am I gonna see you?". Well, pal... Whenever your cojones make you feel like it. I mean, he aint so desperate to see me if he has to think about it, after 7 days. A whole week, and it is so hard to move that body and walk over to my home. Fuck his stupid reasons, somethings are worth swallowing up a bit of pride, especially when it would actually send a message of "Heck, I care". And then comes the mandatory "I'll call you tomorrow"just 2 seconds after finishing the first sentence...
Anyway... I'm tired, everything aches, got a big headache, my heart is in pieces and I have no cable... It's the pits...
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Returned to work today... not a pretty sight... should've taken the whole week off as the doctor ordered, but noooooooo, me and my stupid sense of responsability... E-mail turning out to be the most anoying thing, talking about intranet e-mails... Too many people talking about the same thing except the person who NEEDS the job done, and too many people who are NOT your supervisors telling you what to do... Some enemies created because of honesty, and so... the bitchy legends keep on prospering... My bitchy legends... Ah, a tear of proudness falls from my left eye...
I am feeling still sick, whole body aches, but here I am, standing against the face of adversity... trying to do my job even if no one really appreciates it.
During the past few days I was pretty much confined to my house, so I got to see:
The day after tomorrow... cute movie, heart touching, more of the same but entertaining...
Garfield... A movie with no big script, no big visuals, no big desires I guess... But since it is a fat cat movie I must say I liked it...
Spiderman2... Ok, Sam Raimi rules. Loved the intro, loved the movie, loved the script, loved the visuals, loved the action, loved Doc Oct... I can't belive it is a second part movie that actually sticks to the first one and to the comic books... Awesome.
Besides that... Sleeping, checking emails and more sleep... I still feel as if a thousand horses had stepped all over me... Haven't seen Trilogy ever since last Friday, and he called on Tuesday I think... pretty much all that there is to say about his side... Talked to Coriolis this morning... Another weekends he won't come over... Why expect a miracle... Whatever...
And that's all folks...
I am feeling still sick, whole body aches, but here I am, standing against the face of adversity... trying to do my job even if no one really appreciates it.
During the past few days I was pretty much confined to my house, so I got to see:
The day after tomorrow... cute movie, heart touching, more of the same but entertaining...
Garfield... A movie with no big script, no big visuals, no big desires I guess... But since it is a fat cat movie I must say I liked it...
Spiderman2... Ok, Sam Raimi rules. Loved the intro, loved the movie, loved the script, loved the visuals, loved the action, loved Doc Oct... I can't belive it is a second part movie that actually sticks to the first one and to the comic books... Awesome.
Besides that... Sleeping, checking emails and more sleep... I still feel as if a thousand horses had stepped all over me... Haven't seen Trilogy ever since last Friday, and he called on Tuesday I think... pretty much all that there is to say about his side... Talked to Coriolis this morning... Another weekends he won't come over... Why expect a miracle... Whatever...
And that's all folks...
Monday, November 29, 2004
Revisited Aliens, and fell in love once more. Granted, it aint as suspense-like as Alien but hey, it's ok... Sigourney Weaver is always scary. :))
Couldn't go to work. Spent the whole morning with deliriums and high fever. The joy... Argh... Whatever... Feeling a bit better now, still coughing and with runny nose but I guess the chicken soup my aunt gave me will make me better... Those old recipes... They are something!
Mr.Flach still alive and kicking. Hope things turn out as he wants, damnit!
My eyes sting... Gotta go back to the shadows where I belong...
Couldn't go to work. Spent the whole morning with deliriums and high fever. The joy... Argh... Whatever... Feeling a bit better now, still coughing and with runny nose but I guess the chicken soup my aunt gave me will make me better... Those old recipes... They are something!
Mr.Flach still alive and kicking. Hope things turn out as he wants, damnit!
My eyes sting... Gotta go back to the shadows where I belong...
Saturday, November 27, 2004
This is the happy house -- we're happy here
In the happy house -- oh it's such fun
We've come to play in the happy house
And waste a day in the happy house
It never rains
We've come to scream in the happy house
We're in a dream in the happy house
We're all quite sane
This is the happy house -- we're happy here
There's room for you if you say you do
But don't say no or you'll have to go
We've done no wrong with our blinkers on
It's safe and calm if you sing along
This is the happy house -- we're happy here
in the happy house
To forget ourselves -- and pretend all's well
There is no hell
-Siouxie & the Banshees, "Happy House"
In the happy house -- oh it's such fun
We've come to play in the happy house
And waste a day in the happy house
It never rains
We've come to scream in the happy house
We're in a dream in the happy house
We're all quite sane
This is the happy house -- we're happy here
There's room for you if you say you do
But don't say no or you'll have to go
We've done no wrong with our blinkers on
It's safe and calm if you sing along
This is the happy house -- we're happy here
in the happy house
To forget ourselves -- and pretend all's well
There is no hell
-Siouxie & the Banshees, "Happy House"
An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It´s a black fly in your Chardonnay
It´s a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn´t it ironic . . . don´t you think
It´s like rain on your wedding day
It´s a free ride when you´ve already paid
It´s the good advice that you just didn´t take
Who would ´ve thought . . . it figures
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
Well isn´t this nice . . .
And isn´t it ironic . . . don´t you think
It´s like rain on your wedding day
It´s a free ride when you´ve already paid
It´s the good advice that you just didn´t take
Who would ´ve thought . . . it figures
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything´s okay and everything´s going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything´s gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
A traffic jam when you´re already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It´s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It´s meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn´t it ironic . . . don´t you think
A little too ironic . . . and yeah I really do think . . .
It´s like rain on your wedding day
It´s a free ride when you´ve already paid
It´s the good advice that you just didn´t take
Who would ´ve thought . . . it figures
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out
-Alanis Morissette, "Ironic"
He won the lottery and died the next day
It´s a black fly in your Chardonnay
It´s a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn´t it ironic . . . don´t you think
It´s like rain on your wedding day
It´s a free ride when you´ve already paid
It´s the good advice that you just didn´t take
Who would ´ve thought . . . it figures
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
Well isn´t this nice . . .
And isn´t it ironic . . . don´t you think
It´s like rain on your wedding day
It´s a free ride when you´ve already paid
It´s the good advice that you just didn´t take
Who would ´ve thought . . . it figures
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything´s okay and everything´s going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything´s gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
A traffic jam when you´re already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It´s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It´s meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn´t it ironic . . . don´t you think
A little too ironic . . . and yeah I really do think . . .
It´s like rain on your wedding day
It´s a free ride when you´ve already paid
It´s the good advice that you just didn´t take
Who would ´ve thought . . . it figures
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out
-Alanis Morissette, "Ironic"
I´m broke but I´m happy
I´m poor but I´m kind
I´m short but I´m healthy, yeah
I´m high but I´m grounded
I´m sane but I´m overwhelmed
I´m lost but I´m hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything´s gonna be fine fine fine
I´ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I´m sober
I´m young and I´m underpaid
I´m tired but I´m working, yeah
I care but I´m restless
I´m here but I´m really gone
I´m wrong and I´m sorry baby
what it all comes down to
Is that everything´s gonna be quite alright
I´ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
What it all comes down to
Is that I haven´t got it all figured out just yet
I´ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other is giving the peace sign
I´m free but I´m focused
I´m green but I´m wise
I´m hard but I´m friendly baby
I´m sad but I´m laughin
I´m brave but I´m chicken shit
I´m sick but I´m pretty baby
What it all boils down to
Is that no one´s really got it figured out just yet
I´ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other is playing the piano
What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything´s just fine fine fine
I´ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab . . .
-Alanis Morissette, "Hand in my pocket"
I´m poor but I´m kind
I´m short but I´m healthy, yeah
I´m high but I´m grounded
I´m sane but I´m overwhelmed
I´m lost but I´m hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything´s gonna be fine fine fine
I´ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I´m sober
I´m young and I´m underpaid
I´m tired but I´m working, yeah
I care but I´m restless
I´m here but I´m really gone
I´m wrong and I´m sorry baby
what it all comes down to
Is that everything´s gonna be quite alright
I´ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette
What it all comes down to
Is that I haven´t got it all figured out just yet
I´ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other is giving the peace sign
I´m free but I´m focused
I´m green but I´m wise
I´m hard but I´m friendly baby
I´m sad but I´m laughin
I´m brave but I´m chicken shit
I´m sick but I´m pretty baby
What it all boils down to
Is that no one´s really got it figured out just yet
I´ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other is playing the piano
What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything´s just fine fine fine
I´ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxi cab . . .
-Alanis Morissette, "Hand in my pocket"
Runny nose, fever, sore throat… Why is it that whenever I have free days I get sick? The world will never know… Well, seems I am kinda stuck here at home… Medicines keep me in Sleepyland and I guess its better that way so I cool off some thoughts and so I get necessary rest. :D
Finally crossed words with Coriolis but he had to hang up fast because he was approaching the speedway… Ok… At least I know he is alive.
Lucinda is alive at well. She wanted me to head towards her home to paint some Dismey stuff on Elmira’s room… Hold that thought, I can’t… I’m sick… No free food… Bummer…
Trilogy spent Thanksgiving day with his best friend Dak. So when I visited him, he was not there. Talked a bit with his uncle, and oddly enough he made sense in some things he told me… It is funny, Cayo studied with me in PreK and Kinder, and years later he sees me in his house dating his nephew… :P God’s sense of humor… So I was mad at Tril, of course… Back to the no leaving messages and going away with femme friends circle… on a marked day in which I expected to do something nice or fun… Spoke with him yesterday, gave him the femme friends speech # 43, and had to go home because I started having a fever and my eyes where killing me… And so, the rest of the story you already know…
Been tossing and turning and having waking dreams… Maybe I’m the next Moadib… LOL May go back to my sleeping lair just as… right now…
Finally crossed words with Coriolis but he had to hang up fast because he was approaching the speedway… Ok… At least I know he is alive.
Lucinda is alive at well. She wanted me to head towards her home to paint some Dismey stuff on Elmira’s room… Hold that thought, I can’t… I’m sick… No free food… Bummer…
Trilogy spent Thanksgiving day with his best friend Dak. So when I visited him, he was not there. Talked a bit with his uncle, and oddly enough he made sense in some things he told me… It is funny, Cayo studied with me in PreK and Kinder, and years later he sees me in his house dating his nephew… :P God’s sense of humor… So I was mad at Tril, of course… Back to the no leaving messages and going away with femme friends circle… on a marked day in which I expected to do something nice or fun…
Been tossing and turning and having waking dreams… Maybe I’m the next Moadib… LOL May go back to my sleeping lair just as… right now…
Monday, November 22, 2004
Wicked Weekend. Not much happenned, just spending time with kitties and trying to put together a new game and spending time with Trilogy. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! So far, so good… Hopefully I won’t jinx the good vibes… Today it’s 22, so we know what that means… Prrrrrrrrrr #1
Read the 2 whole monster compendiums so refreshed myself with the old monsters for gaming. :P Groundel will be using Nuff, a berserker mule and a femme priestess-adventurer. May start by the surroundings of Mirabar, who knows… Tempted to use Ravenloft hard-core… May do so, been a long time.
Elmira’s b-day was on Saturday, and Lucinda forgot to tell me. Grrrrr! Anyway, she may actually do something 4 her later on…
Coriolis… I guess I won’t see him until he ships himself as a Xmas present or something…
Old Joe seems to be having fun, misbehaving as usual… ;)
Feeling: Happy, happy, with alergy… but happy. :D
10-4
Read the 2 whole monster compendiums so refreshed myself with the old monsters for gaming. :P Groundel will be using Nuff, a berserker mule and a femme priestess-adventurer. May start by the surroundings of Mirabar, who knows… Tempted to use Ravenloft hard-core… May do so, been a long time.
Elmira’s b-day was on Saturday, and Lucinda forgot to tell me. Grrrrr! Anyway, she may actually do something 4 her later on…
Coriolis… I guess I won’t see him until he ships himself as a Xmas present or something…
Old Joe seems to be having fun, misbehaving as usual… ;)
Feeling: Happy, happy, with alergy… but happy. :D
10-4
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Friday, November 19, 2004
No work today, we celebrate the Discovery of Puerto Rico... like the Taínos had not already discovered it before Columbus... Whatever!
Bored. Cleaned up the haven in the morning, and just browsing the net in the afternoon. No one has shown signs of being alive... Whatever...
Argument with Trilogy yesterday. The expected biggie about the same-thing-circle... In the end back to the dunno what to do speech... So his hesitating nature keeps growing, my patience keeps thinning (but is still there, miracle!), and life goes on... When I know what's the outcome I'll let you know, kiddies! Yup, even I am bitting my nails with the mystery...
I'm starting to think Roxie is the encarnation of Kyonnenne the First. She is absolutely into me! Love this kittie! She's always following me around and bringing her paw to my arm or face... Cute lass! At least SOMEONE truly likes me for free... :D
New cabinet at work, so did some work-shop cleaning and started putting up my Xmast tree... need more decos for the little guy... Another cutesy moment in my life... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Out
Bored. Cleaned up the haven in the morning, and just browsing the net in the afternoon. No one has shown signs of being alive... Whatever...
Argument with Trilogy yesterday. The expected biggie about the same-thing-circle...
I'm starting to think Roxie is the encarnation of Kyonnenne the First. She is absolutely into me! Love this kittie! She's always following me around and bringing her paw to my arm or face... Cute lass! At least SOMEONE truly likes me for free... :D
New cabinet at work, so did some work-shop cleaning and started putting up my Xmast tree... need more decos for the little guy... Another cutesy moment in my life... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Out
|
You Are From the Sun |
 Of all your friends, you're the shining star. You're dramatic - loving attention and the spotlight. You're a totally entertainer and the life of the party. Watch out! The Sun can be stubborn, demanding, and flirty. Overall, you're a great leader and great friend. The very best! |
| You are 93% Aries
|
|
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Why live life from dream to dream? The idea is everything, but the effort is worthless. I am tired, tired of doing everything humanly possible, for nothing. I see results, whenever I am the one doing things, or looking for the right people… But no action or results coming form others… I’ve been walking in the clouds for a while, but it has been thanks to my own compromise with myself to make things work and let go of anger and hate and become a Jedi… But it seems I am the only one willing to be a Jedi after all… Pretty words and promises and thoughts are blissful mirages. I am not into words, but actions. I am not into promises, but truth. I am not into changing who I am and what I think, for NO ONE. I am PROUD of who I am, of my code of honor, of my endless faith in goodness, of my dreams and of my actions. There’s absolutely NOTHING I would change from my self, because TRUTH and FAITH and LOVE and COURAGE and ACTION have forged me.
I have been forged by fire and ice, through the good and the bad… And although MY life has not been perfect, it has been HONORABLE and I have given more than my 100% to my friends, to my family, to work and to studying. I have done so far everything that I said that I would do, and I am not stopping. I am an ongoing SOMETHING settling for CHANGE at all times, nothing more nothing less. I cannot and will not be a conformist, especially knowing all I do and wanting to do all I still want to do. If ANYBODY dislikes ANYTHING I do or say or think, from the bottom of my heart: FUCK IT. I am who I am, I know who I am, and I absolutely LOVE who I am. I am not about to change my SELF, body and soul included, just because I could be a hit in the social corner or in any other corner. I do not sell myself short, and I expect things from myself that go beyond the things I expect from people. I am hard with myself, because I have high standards. And I deserve to be surrounded by people who at least can appreciate my standards even if they go way below them.
I can go with the flow, and accept and move on, but do not expect me to try drowning myself in shit because that simply won’t happen. Because of who I am, because before anything or anyone else, I am in love with MYSELF, and I worship MYSELF and I expect great things from the only person that has NEVER failed me… MYSELF. I am my biggest fan, I am my own brigade, I am my own army, I am my own motivation, I am my greatest dream. So I feel sorry for you, the little people, the ones that obey society’s whims and commands without thinking just for the sake of belonging to something. I will always look through the glass that separates us, with contempt and even sadness… But I just can’t and won’t betray who I am for you. No matter how much I feel for you, no matter how deeply I love you… In the end, I love myself the most.
I talked about disappointment before… Yes, it comes from my greatest love as well as from my greatest friend, as well as my greatest hope and as well as from my greatest gamble... Then it goes on with the never-ending ones that are and are not all at the same time. I hate absence. I hate absence especially when it is at your side, in your nose. And then comes the circle of questions that are NONSENSE, which comes from mistrust… When there is no trust, there can be no love. It is a funny thing… Being up front, crystal clear, blunt, simple, straightforward seems to give absolutely no answers to some people… It is almost like they do not listen! They are so focused on their own beliefs and their own fantastic little worlds that when they clash with reality they can only mumble insanely the same words once, twice, and then some… LIGHTEN UP! WAKE UP!
WHAT’s GOING ON?! Whoever truly knows ME knows that I am too honest for my own sake, that I spit the truth either you like it or not. So… No mumbo-jumbo, no tricks, no spells, no illusions… Damnit, DON’T YOU GET IT? No cards up my sleeve, just me and my words and my Shield of Truth and my Sword of Justice… TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! And seems that I bring on such an entertaining show, huh?
No show. I am all I want to be, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. Believe, or not. Trust, or not. Be on my side, or not. There are no middle points. Love me, or not. I am not taking any more shit from anyone. Be, or simply don’t… But then, FACE the CONSEQUENCES, and don’t you WHINE about THEM!
The way of the warrior is cold as steel, is sacrificed, and is despised by many… but it takes comfort on the warmth of the blood that the blade spills, and its core is fueled by honor that many betray. I am a TRUE warrior. I shall never fight you while you turn your back to me, or if you are innocent. But speak with actions of evil, betrayal and deceit, and my sword will not have pity on you. Feelings run deep, but I do excel at my duty… Death before dishonor.
10-4
I have been forged by fire and ice, through the good and the bad… And although MY life has not been perfect, it has been HONORABLE and I have given more than my 100% to my friends, to my family, to work and to studying. I have done so far everything that I said that I would do, and I am not stopping. I am an ongoing SOMETHING settling for CHANGE at all times, nothing more nothing less. I cannot and will not be a conformist, especially knowing all I do and wanting to do all I still want to do. If ANYBODY dislikes ANYTHING I do or say or think, from the bottom of my heart: FUCK IT. I am who I am, I know who I am, and I absolutely LOVE who I am. I am not about to change my SELF, body and soul included, just because I could be a hit in the social corner or in any other corner. I do not sell myself short, and I expect things from myself that go beyond the things I expect from people. I am hard with myself, because I have high standards. And I deserve to be surrounded by people who at least can appreciate my standards even if they go way below them.
I can go with the flow, and accept and move on, but do not expect me to try drowning myself in shit because that simply won’t happen. Because of who I am, because before anything or anyone else, I am in love with MYSELF, and I worship MYSELF and I expect great things from the only person that has NEVER failed me… MYSELF. I am my biggest fan, I am my own brigade, I am my own army, I am my own motivation, I am my greatest dream. So I feel sorry for you, the little people, the ones that obey society’s whims and commands without thinking just for the sake of belonging to something. I will always look through the glass that separates us, with contempt and even sadness… But I just can’t and won’t betray who I am for you. No matter how much I feel for you, no matter how deeply I love you… In the end, I love myself the most.
I talked about disappointment before… Yes, it comes from my greatest love as well as from my greatest friend, as well as my greatest hope and as well as from my greatest gamble... Then it goes on with the never-ending ones that are and are not all at the same time. I hate absence. I hate absence especially when it is at your side, in your nose. And then comes the circle of questions that are NONSENSE, which comes from mistrust… When there is no trust, there can be no love. It is a funny thing… Being up front, crystal clear, blunt, simple, straightforward seems to give absolutely no answers to some people… It is almost like they do not listen! They are so focused on their own beliefs and their own fantastic little worlds that when they clash with reality they can only mumble insanely the same words once, twice, and then some… LIGHTEN UP! WAKE UP!
WHAT’s GOING ON?! Whoever truly knows ME knows that I am too honest for my own sake, that I spit the truth either you like it or not. So… No mumbo-jumbo, no tricks, no spells, no illusions… Damnit, DON’T YOU GET IT? No cards up my sleeve, just me and my words and my Shield of Truth and my Sword of Justice… TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! And seems that I bring on such an entertaining show, huh?
No show. I am all I want to be, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT. Believe, or not. Trust, or not. Be on my side, or not. There are no middle points. Love me, or not. I am not taking any more shit from anyone. Be, or simply don’t… But then, FACE the CONSEQUENCES, and don’t you WHINE about THEM!
The way of the warrior is cold as steel, is sacrificed, and is despised by many… but it takes comfort on the warmth of the blood that the blade spills, and its core is fueled by honor that many betray. I am a TRUE warrior. I shall never fight you while you turn your back to me, or if you are innocent. But speak with actions of evil, betrayal and deceit, and my sword will not have pity on you. Feelings run deep, but I do excel at my duty… Death before dishonor.
10-4
It is a constant dissapointment... People are... Everyone... In every sense... Friends and foes... Family and strangers... Lovers and enemies... Constant dissapointments...
It is not easy ignoring how dumb and stupid people can be with you... It is not easy smiling so the show goes on in this Big Show called Life. It is best not to think, so things are just done, so actions are taken, and there is no bias towards that...
It is sad how good intentions and truth can be bent at will by those you love most. It is sad when you know you give all you've got and even a bit more, to keep on receiving daggers... It is sad to stand strong at all times even when you feel your wounds have taken the best of you, even if you are bleeding to death... and then you realize you stand strong for the wrong cause or people... It is sad, when all you've got is more time in your hands to built, when you thought you already built...
But isn't it good, isn't it grand, isn't it great... To live the life you like... Even if it hurts you every step of the way... Crystals in the floor from so many shattered mirrors can be such a nuisance...
Still, I stand... I walk... I live... The Show must go On.
10-4
It is not easy ignoring how dumb and stupid people can be with you... It is not easy smiling so the show goes on in this Big Show called Life. It is best not to think, so things are just done, so actions are taken, and there is no bias towards that...
It is sad how good intentions and truth can be bent at will by those you love most. It is sad when you know you give all you've got and even a bit more, to keep on receiving daggers... It is sad to stand strong at all times even when you feel your wounds have taken the best of you, even if you are bleeding to death... and then you realize you stand strong for the wrong cause or people... It is sad, when all you've got is more time in your hands to built, when you thought you already built...
But isn't it good, isn't it grand, isn't it great... To live the life you like... Even if it hurts you every step of the way... Crystals in the floor from so many shattered mirrors can be such a nuisance...
Still, I stand... I walk... I live... The Show must go On.
10-4
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Morning's hard coffee's cold
Pretending that the days mean more than getting old
Stale headlines others drenched in pride
Marching to their drum with fear standing beside
But if I close my eyes and throw back my head
I can see his face and I hear the words he said
And my memories ache and my senses burn
Did he dream too late will we ever learn
I, I want to testify
My love still lives and breathes
And my soul is screaming why
The thoughts won't let me sleep
Don't let hearts break
And don't let children cry
Before it gets too late
I want to testify
I take what's said as my daily bread
I turn the page and I turn my head
I pick I choose on the evening news
Cause by cause they fight and one by one they lose
Must I live my days in these concrete ways
Will the fire break through this smoky haze
And I swear tonight I'm gonna find that place
It's not the love that dies but the understanding ways
I, I want to testify
My love still lives and breathes
And my soul is screaming why
The thoughts won't let me sleep
Don't let hearts break
And don't let children cry
Before it gets too late
I want to testify
Rip through the wire that screens in my window
Throw open the shade that covers my mind
I'm going to touch I've got to believe
The bell tolls for me
I, I want to testify
My love still lives and breathes
And my soul is screaming why
The thoughts won't let me sleep
Don't let hearts break
And don't let children cry
Before it gets too late
I want to testify
-Melissa Etheridge, "Testify"
Pretending that the days mean more than getting old
Stale headlines others drenched in pride
Marching to their drum with fear standing beside
But if I close my eyes and throw back my head
I can see his face and I hear the words he said
And my memories ache and my senses burn
Did he dream too late will we ever learn
I, I want to testify
My love still lives and breathes
And my soul is screaming why
The thoughts won't let me sleep
Don't let hearts break
And don't let children cry
Before it gets too late
I want to testify
I take what's said as my daily bread
I turn the page and I turn my head
I pick I choose on the evening news
Cause by cause they fight and one by one they lose
Must I live my days in these concrete ways
Will the fire break through this smoky haze
And I swear tonight I'm gonna find that place
It's not the love that dies but the understanding ways
I, I want to testify
My love still lives and breathes
And my soul is screaming why
The thoughts won't let me sleep
Don't let hearts break
And don't let children cry
Before it gets too late
I want to testify
Rip through the wire that screens in my window
Throw open the shade that covers my mind
I'm going to touch I've got to believe
The bell tolls for me
I, I want to testify
My love still lives and breathes
And my soul is screaming why
The thoughts won't let me sleep
Don't let hearts break
And don't let children cry
Before it gets too late
I want to testify
-Melissa Etheridge, "Testify"
Es por culpa de una hembra
Que me estoy volviendo loco.
No puedo vivir sin ella,
Pero con ella tampoco.
Y si de éste mal de amores
Yo me fuera pa la tumba,
A mi no me mandéis flores
Que como dice esta rumba:
Quise cortar la flor
Más tierna del rosal,
Pensando que de amor
No me podría pinchar,
Y mientras me pinchaba
Me enseñó una cosa
Que una rosa es una rosa, es una rosa.
Y cuando abrí la mano
Y la deje caer
Rompieron a sangrar las llagas en mi piel
Y con sus pétalos
Me las curó mimosa
Que una rosa es una rosa, es una rosa.
Pero cuanto más me cura,
Al ratito más me escuece
Porque amar es el empiece
De la palabra AMARGURA.
Una mentira y un credo
Por cada espina del tallo,
Que injertándose en los dedos
Una rosa es un rosario.
Quise cortar la flor
Más tierna del rosal,
Pensando que de amor
No me podría pinchar,
Y mientras me pinchaba
Me enseñó una cosa
Que una rosa es una rosa, es una rosa.
Y cuando abrí la mano
Y la deje caer
Rompieron a sangrar las llagas en mi piel
Y con sus pétalos
Me las curó mimosa
Que una rosa es una rosa, es una rosa.
Una rosa, es una rosa es
Una rosa, es una rosa es.
Quise cortar la flor
Más tierna del rosal,
Pensando que de amor
No me podría pinchar,
Y mientras me pinchaba
Me enseñó una cosa
Que una rosa es una rosa, es una rosa.
Y cuando abrí la mano
Y la deje caer
Rompieron a sangrar las llagas en mi piel
Y con sus pétalos
Me las curó mimosa
Que una rosa es una rosa, es una rosa.
-Mecano, "Una Rosa es una Rosa"
Que me estoy volviendo loco.
No puedo vivir sin ella,
Pero con ella tampoco.
Y si de éste mal de amores
Yo me fuera pa la tumba,
A mi no me mandéis flores
Que como dice esta rumba:
Quise cortar la flor
Más tierna del rosal,
Pensando que de amor
No me podría pinchar,
Y mientras me pinchaba
Me enseñó una cosa
Que una rosa es una rosa, es una rosa.
Y cuando abrí la mano
Y la deje caer
Rompieron a sangrar las llagas en mi piel
Y con sus pétalos
Me las curó mimosa
Que una rosa es una rosa, es una rosa.
Pero cuanto más me cura,
Al ratito más me escuece
Porque amar es el empiece
De la palabra AMARGURA.
Una mentira y un credo
Por cada espina del tallo,
Que injertándose en los dedos
Una rosa es un rosario.
Quise cortar la flor
Más tierna del rosal,
Pensando que de amor
No me podría pinchar,
Y mientras me pinchaba
Me enseñó una cosa
Que una rosa es una rosa, es una rosa.
Y cuando abrí la mano
Y la deje caer
Rompieron a sangrar las llagas en mi piel
Y con sus pétalos
Me las curó mimosa
Que una rosa es una rosa, es una rosa.
Una rosa, es una rosa es
Una rosa, es una rosa es.
Quise cortar la flor
Más tierna del rosal,
Pensando que de amor
No me podría pinchar,
Y mientras me pinchaba
Me enseñó una cosa
Que una rosa es una rosa, es una rosa.
Y cuando abrí la mano
Y la deje caer
Rompieron a sangrar las llagas en mi piel
Y con sus pétalos
Me las curó mimosa
Que una rosa es una rosa, es una rosa.
-Mecano, "Una Rosa es una Rosa"
Una noche de resaca
al tratar de despertar
noté que por el ombligo
me empezaba a desinflar...
Que mi cuerpo se arrugaba
como un papel vegetal
e iba pasando, qué curioso,
al estado gaseoso.
Y tras la metamorfosis
me sentí mucho mejor...
era un aire gris oscuro
y con bastante polución...
se notaba en cualquier caso
que era aire de ciudad
que si bien no es el más sano
lo prefiere el ser humano
Aire
soñé por un momento
que era aire
oxígeno, nitrógeno y argón
sin forma definida ni color
fui aire volador
Como yo soy muy consciente
hasta en esta situación
decidí ser consecuente
con mi nueva dimensión
y probé a ser respirado
por la que duerme a mi lado
sin entrar en pormenores
yo sé hacer cosas mejores
Como no me satizfizo
la experiencia sexual
se me inflaron los vapores
me convertí en huracán
di unas tres o cuatro vueltas
y a la quinta me cansé
este cuarto es muy pequeño
para las cosas que sueño
Aire
soñé por un momento que era aire
oxígeno, nitrógeno y argón
sin forma definida ni color
fui aire volador
Y lo siento por mi novia
y el cristal que me cargué
me escapé por la ventana
y en picado me lancé
Pero tuve mala suerte
y cuando iba a remontar
me volví otra vez humano
no faltéis al funeral.
Aire
soñé por un momento que era aire
oxígeno, nitrógeno y argón
sin forma definida ni color
fui aire volador
- Mecano, "Aire"
al tratar de despertar
noté que por el ombligo
me empezaba a desinflar...
Que mi cuerpo se arrugaba
como un papel vegetal
e iba pasando, qué curioso,
al estado gaseoso.
Y tras la metamorfosis
me sentí mucho mejor...
era un aire gris oscuro
y con bastante polución...
se notaba en cualquier caso
que era aire de ciudad
que si bien no es el más sano
lo prefiere el ser humano
Aire
soñé por un momento
que era aire
oxígeno, nitrógeno y argón
sin forma definida ni color
fui aire volador
Como yo soy muy consciente
hasta en esta situación
decidí ser consecuente
con mi nueva dimensión
y probé a ser respirado
por la que duerme a mi lado
sin entrar en pormenores
yo sé hacer cosas mejores
Como no me satizfizo
la experiencia sexual
se me inflaron los vapores
me convertí en huracán
di unas tres o cuatro vueltas
y a la quinta me cansé
este cuarto es muy pequeño
para las cosas que sueño
Aire
soñé por un momento que era aire
oxígeno, nitrógeno y argón
sin forma definida ni color
fui aire volador
Y lo siento por mi novia
y el cristal que me cargué
me escapé por la ventana
y en picado me lancé
Pero tuve mala suerte
y cuando iba a remontar
me volví otra vez humano
no faltéis al funeral.
Aire
soñé por un momento que era aire
oxígeno, nitrógeno y argón
sin forma definida ni color
fui aire volador
- Mecano, "Aire"
Sunday, November 14, 2004
Que me gaste yo la vida devorando
Cada pensamiento tuyo,
cada paso
Que se borren tus lunares
y aparezcan en reemplazo
dibujados en tu cuerpo cada beso,
cada abrazo.
Y ahora que estas aqui,
yo de nuevo soy feliz
Pude entender que eras para mi.
Dejame quererte tanto,
que te seques con mi llanto
Que se nuble cada cielo
y que llueva hasta hacer charcos.
Dejame besarte tanto,
hasta que quedes sin aliento
Y abrazarte con tal fuerza
que te parta hasta los huesos.
Y ahora que estas aquí,
yo de nuevo soy feliz
Pude entender que eras para mi.
Quiero excederme,
perseguirte,
pretenderte,
Quiero amarte noche y dia
Quiero gastarme la vida.
Quiero amarrarte a mis - sesenta de cintura
llevarte como un tatuaje
quiero perder la cordura.
Quiero excederme,
perseguirte,
pretenderte,
Quiero amarte noche y dia
Quiero gastarme la vida.
Quiero amarrarte a mis - sesenta de cintura
llevarte como un tatuaje
quiero perder la cordura...
-Shakira, "Quiero"
Cada pensamiento tuyo,
cada paso
Que se borren tus lunares
y aparezcan en reemplazo
dibujados en tu cuerpo cada beso,
cada abrazo.
Y ahora que estas aqui,
yo de nuevo soy feliz
Pude entender que eras para mi.
Dejame quererte tanto,
que te seques con mi llanto
Que se nuble cada cielo
y que llueva hasta hacer charcos.
Dejame besarte tanto,
hasta que quedes sin aliento
Y abrazarte con tal fuerza
que te parta hasta los huesos.
Y ahora que estas aquí,
yo de nuevo soy feliz
Pude entender que eras para mi.
Quiero excederme,
perseguirte,
pretenderte,
Quiero amarte noche y dia
Quiero gastarme la vida.
Quiero amarrarte a mis - sesenta de cintura
llevarte como un tatuaje
quiero perder la cordura.
Quiero excederme,
perseguirte,
pretenderte,
Quiero amarte noche y dia
Quiero gastarme la vida.
Quiero amarrarte a mis - sesenta de cintura
llevarte como un tatuaje
quiero perder la cordura...
-Shakira, "Quiero"
Yesterday was a looooong day. Ended a loan (Yayyy!), and went on a small shopping spree. Got the grrrrreat lovely jacket I always wanted, velvet a furrrrrrr... Today went to see Trilogy, slept for a while and then got some chinese. Slow day, but heck, tomorrow starts working days, and I needed the rest...
Later kiddies...
10-4
Later kiddies...
10-4
Friday, November 12, 2004
Yesterday cleaned up and made a cloud mural in the bathroom. Went to get some celestial stuff in the afternoon with Trilogy as he briefly appeared in my house. That was cool. :) Later on, went with Groundel to get some goodies for the tummy and we hit jackpot... Wrong family order with LOTS of goodies!!! LOL You win some... :D
Went to San Juan today, business no pleasure. Had a reunion... It went ok, and one of the people got some pizza so lunch was served. Ahhhh, the driver left me at my home's gates... And here I am, tired and bored... Got some shoes at ebay, and browsing for some thinguies... Not much going on...
10-4
Went to San Juan today, business no pleasure. Had a reunion... It went ok, and one of the people got some pizza so lunch was served. Ahhhh, the driver left me at my home's gates... And here I am, tired and bored... Got some shoes at ebay, and browsing for some thinguies... Not much going on...
10-4
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
It’s great to see changes everywhere. Joe changed his skin to a new darker self, which is great. It reflects his personality better. And playing hard to catch is fun. Yayyyyy!!!
Yesterday spent my day in Aguadilla. Fixed some things and voila! But my arm is killing me from the driving… That is getting too anoying… Seems that the climate ain’t helping either… I have become an old hag! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
Passed by to check out Trilogy. He was in pissed mode because of a family affair. He needs to get out of that place, but in that I cannot help. It is something he must do on his own, to keep his groth process. At least I gave him some moral support, made him laugh… I hope that at least a bit of company soothed his spirit… Didn’t stay long with him, though. I was too tired, too achy, too sleepy. I went home, took a bath and went to sleep.
In the middle of everything Groundel updated me with his mother’s view of things, which sucks. So out of the blue, I am the bitch, I am a dissapointment and I am taking advantage of… him??? Hellooooooo? Anybody home? He was feeling bad about it, because he KNOWS me, and I was quite pissed because all I’ve done is tell the truth and try to help. If Michelle didn’t cut the expectations, well, SORRY but I am NOT sorry. She sold herself as someone who wanted to actually DO things for herself, move on, start a new life, yadda yadda. And I believed that crap. She arrived and I welcomed her as a sister, with opened arms. Then I realized I had to deal with a 21 year old with the mind of a 14th teenager… Almost mute, didn’t knew what to do, just stayed there playing and breathing. Oh, and following her friends ass making a big fuss over him. So… I tried basic training on her, showed her how to do things, and gave some lessons on business behaviour which she needs desperately because all the things she mentions that she does well, well… Sorry girl, but you suck at them. If that ad not been the case, you would have lasted longer at the jobs you had in NJ… Or you just forgot that each time you got a job it lasted just weeks? I DO remember it was quite frustrating for your mother… That and your overall carelessness… So, don’t even try to bring up crap about your working experience, which is almost nule. After pressuring for a month and a half I stopped doing that because I thought Michelle got the point. But she didn’t. Looking for a job is a continual process, and her continual process was Mauro. She started classes on October at the same institute that Mauro attends… casualty? And then it was a matter of staying camping out in his house every day of the week. And I ask myself… is that responsible behaviour? Is that how she plans to actually make changes in her life? Instead of helping she became a leech, and worst, a very selfish leech. If she is short sighted because of her “loyalty”to Mauro and his family THEN she has a BIG problem… well, among all the others that she has… I pay all bills, I work 40 hours a week, I have work-studied and passed through hardships so I know how it feels like when you REALLY want to do something and noone helps. The problem here is that although I was willing to help, Michelle was not willing of let go of her past, and so she kept tumbling in the mud. I pointed out all the wrong things she did so she would correct them and become the woman she told me she wanted to be… Seems she just lied. She solve things as a child would, sorry for her but I think I am dealing with an adult so I expect to receive feedback as an adult. My house, my rules… I asked little of her. I asked only that she kept things clean and do the dishes. What a fatality! She is plain lazy, and sorry but I cannot afford THAT in my life. I am working with grasping my life back, and being happy. A lazy leech won’t stop me from that.
And for the record: I am NOT racist. I can’t believe Michelle and Nilsa would say I am racist because I said Michelle should not wear black since it is not the best color for her because of her skin tone… Hello? Ever heard about dressing so you take advantage of your best features? Ever heard of fashion and design? If you call THAT racist, my, you are both plainly dumb. I wanted to help Michelle look her best, so she would appear more open and friendlier and to boost her self-esteem. If I were racist my 3 ex-boyfriends would have never been my boyfriends! And my best friend, Sara? She has the same skin color as Michelle and dark hair as Michelle… And she knows she looks best in colors straying from black… And she doesn’t think I am racist because I tell her which colors compliment her better… And what about Kara? She IS black! And she certainly doesn’t think I am racist! What a stupid thing to say when you have nothing ELSE to say! But then, little minds give just that…
And about Mauro: I said he was a bastard. I MEAN he IS a bastard. He uses Michelle psychologically and phisically all the time. He knows he has control over her in every aspect and so he takes advantage of that. Yes, the so-called Pentecostal boy is very true to God… from Friday night to Saturday night, one day out of seven. The rest of the week he curses, he uses everything to his own advantage, he made Michelle feel she was going somewhere with him, he disrespected her and treated her meanly and badly, always telling her what she should or shouldn’t dress, or what she should or shouldn’t do. So… If I called him a bastard… DING! Maybe he IS a bastard. He is a liar and a double-face. But I guess convenience blinds both Michelle and her mother. And yes, it was obvious the guy wanted to fuck Michelle while keeping his girlfriend in NJ. His eyes told me how ashamed he was of things. In the half-hour I spoke-screamed to him in my living room, I SAW his true colors, and while Michelle was crying in the other room she missed all that. The guy KNEW what I was complaining about, the guy is a player. The guy screwed everyone in his church back in NJ, so Hello??? Wake up, smell the coffee? Knock me with a brick if he doen’t deserve to be called a bastard! Because, he IS.
So, the big conclusion is… I am not racist, Mauro is a bastard, I asked Michelle to leave after giving her too many opportunities to make a new life come true, I don’t take shit from no one. If you think I am stupid, well, I’m not. I most of the time allow people to THINK that I am just for the sake of just helping and being happy… but do not mistake goodwill with brain damage. I know where I stand, I have been surrounded by people like Mauro and like Michelle so I know how things can get with them. I am not as young as you think, I am not as wild as you think, I am not as aloof as you think. I have deep grounds in matters of faith, responsibility and friendship. I LIKE heping, but not being taken advantage of. I live a good life, I don’t do drugs, I don’t smoke, I don’t pimp myself out, I have no vices, I don’t trash myself clubbing… I work, I enjoy studying and feeding the mind, I LOVE roleplaying games and e-bay… And I am a witch when it comes to judging people, because I can see their truth and their intentions. I choose to believe I can make a difference. But some things are not worth it. Dealing with Michelle and her mother has been a big waste of time, because they believe in men being on top of them, and so they live their lives like that. If saying the truth and being right on this matter brings on enemies, so be it. I have nothing to loose. I have something they don’t: Self-respect. Instead of saying things as gossip, they should have said things to one’s face, the way it should be. Sadly, they have no guts for that.
I had to write this, to vent it off since I know they won’t read it or know about my feelings on matters in any other way. It makes me so angry when people show their true colors after appearing to be so nice… Hidden agendas, biting a helping hand… People HAVE no CLASS these days… I feel betrayed, because I allowed Michelle to go into MY world without questioning her true intentions. And I know that what I showed her was something GOOD, an opportunity she splat in the wall…
Groundel gave me some support. He tries to be neutral, but is quite mad about the things they think they know about me, and the gossip-circle that they created. They even said I wanted to break-up the family… Yeah, now I am the devil… But then I have always been a dream to some, but a nightmare to others…
I embrace my destiny…
Yesterday spent my day in Aguadilla. Fixed some things and voila! But my arm is killing me from the driving… That is getting too anoying… Seems that the climate ain’t helping either… I have become an old hag! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
Passed by to check out Trilogy. He was in pissed mode because of a family affair. He needs to get out of that place, but in that I cannot help. It is something he must do on his own, to keep his groth process. At least I gave him some moral support, made him laugh… I hope that at least a bit of company soothed his spirit… Didn’t stay long with him, though. I was too tired, too achy, too sleepy. I went home, took a bath and went to sleep.
In the middle of everything Groundel updated me with his mother’s view of things, which sucks. So out of the blue, I am the bitch, I am a dissapointment and I am taking advantage of… him??? Hellooooooo? Anybody home?
And for the record: I am NOT racist. I can’t believe Michelle and Nilsa would say I am racist because I said Michelle should not wear black since it is not the best color for her because of her skin tone… Hello? Ever heard about dressing so you take advantage of your best features? Ever heard of fashion and design? If you call THAT racist, my, you are both plainly dumb. I wanted to help Michelle look her best, so she would appear more open and friendlier and to boost her self-esteem. If I were racist my 3 ex-boyfriends would have never been my boyfriends! And my best friend, Sara? She has the same skin color as Michelle and dark hair as Michelle… And she knows she looks best in colors straying from black… And she doesn’t think I am racist because I tell her which colors compliment her better… And what about Kara? She IS black! And she certainly doesn’t think I am racist! What a stupid thing to say when you have nothing ELSE to say! But then, little minds give just that…
And about Mauro: I said he was a bastard. I MEAN he IS a bastard. He uses Michelle psychologically and phisically all the time. He knows he has control over her in every aspect and so he takes advantage of that. Yes, the so-called Pentecostal boy is very true to God… from Friday night to Saturday night, one day out of seven. The rest of the week he curses, he uses everything to his own advantage, he made Michelle feel she was going somewhere with him, he disrespected her and treated her meanly and badly, always telling her what she should or shouldn’t dress, or what she should or shouldn’t do. So… If I called him a bastard… DING! Maybe he IS a bastard. He is a liar and a double-face. But I guess convenience blinds both Michelle and her mother. And yes, it was obvious the guy wanted to fuck Michelle while keeping his girlfriend in NJ. His eyes told me how ashamed he was of things. In the half-hour I spoke-screamed to him in my living room, I SAW his true colors, and while Michelle was crying in the other room she missed all that. The guy KNEW what I was complaining about, the guy is a player. The guy screwed everyone in his church back in NJ, so Hello??? Wake up, smell the coffee? Knock me with a brick if he doen’t deserve to be called a bastard! Because, he IS.
So, the big conclusion is… I am not racist, Mauro is a bastard, I asked Michelle to leave after giving her too many opportunities to make a new life come true, I don’t take shit from no one. If you think I am stupid, well, I’m not. I most of the time allow people to THINK that I am just for the sake of just helping and being happy… but do not mistake goodwill with brain damage. I know where I stand, I have been surrounded by people like Mauro and like Michelle so I know how things can get with them. I am not as young as you think, I am not as wild as you think, I am not as aloof as you think. I have deep grounds in matters of faith, responsibility and friendship. I LIKE heping, but not being taken advantage of. I live a good life, I don’t do drugs, I don’t smoke, I don’t pimp myself out, I have no vices, I don’t trash myself clubbing… I work, I enjoy studying and feeding the mind, I LOVE roleplaying games and e-bay… And I am a witch when it comes to judging people, because I can see their truth and their intentions. I choose to believe I can make a difference. But some things are not worth it. Dealing with Michelle and her mother has been a big waste of time, because they believe in men being on top of them, and so they live their lives like that. If saying the truth and being right on this matter brings on enemies, so be it. I have nothing to loose. I have something they don’t: Self-respect. Instead of saying things as gossip, they should have said things to one’s face, the way it should be. Sadly, they have no guts for that.
I had to write this, to vent it off since I know they won’t read it or know about my feelings on matters in any other way. It makes me so angry when people show their true colors after appearing to be so nice… Hidden agendas, biting a helping hand… People HAVE no CLASS these days… I feel betrayed, because I allowed Michelle to go into MY world without questioning her true intentions. And I know that what I showed her was something GOOD, an opportunity she splat in the wall…
Groundel gave me some support. He tries to be neutral, but is quite mad about the things they think they know about me, and the gossip-circle that they created. They even said I wanted to break-up the family… Yeah, now I am the devil… But then I have always been a dream to some, but a nightmare to others…
I embrace my destiny…
Sunday, November 07, 2004
Skeletor and Hordak Dance
Ok... go to http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/tribute/ and enjoy... :))
The day went fast and furious, amen. Went to check out my aunt, went to visit Trilogy and things are slowly falling in place...
Groundelette went away happy and spankin' so I guess now she'll be happy with the freedom she'll get. Whatever. Not my concern from the moment she stepped out. Live long and prosper (after you finish studying).
Groundel seems a bit less stressed. He's just mad his mom didn't bless him in the morning when she called his sister... He thinks they will just be pissed at him for how things turned out... Big deal. Not his decision anyway, I was the one giving the brilliant idea of her staying with us in the first place, so it only made sense I ended with the problem. I have a bitch reputation to maintain after all... So, I guess now Groundel can focus more into his own life, be a bit more talkative and go on finishing his BA. He's mentioning a lot that after he finishes studying he'll go to the states... Well, if that's how he feels he should handle things... I like having him around, I value him a lot and he is my best friend, but I guess that in order to prove some things some hurtful actions must take place... He has shown support for me in my decision to date Trilogy and see if we are as True as we think... I know it must hurt him much, but we cannot go on through life wondering about the what if's. I MUST know if my story with my so-called true love is a Neverending Story or if it is the Last Lie. I cannot go on through life regretting not giving Trilogy and me a fair chance. It takes guts from Groundel to let me go and still be there to watch over me. He knows I've not lied to him anytime, and that even if we have many bad times we also have our share of laughs... it is all called sharing LIFE. :)
Trilogy was a bit of a pain since his visit to his psycho... Each time he sees her she puts ideas in his head that may work for some IF I were as normal as everybody else... The woman has no idea of who I am, and I bet that she has a completely wrong vision of my life codes... Well, nevertheless, we have been seeing each other and talking and so far no big fight... Breaking our own record, still! LOL If things stayed like this I would be the happiest... But I know that our thing is still in diapers even if we have a background of 15 years... Being unbiased is labor... Nevertheless, we are trying... That should mean something... ;)
Tired. Must catch zzzzz's for this week will be loooooong, I can foresee that...
10-4
The day went fast and furious, amen. Went to check out my aunt, went to visit Trilogy and things are slowly falling in place...
Groundelette went away happy and spankin' so I guess now she'll be happy with the freedom she'll get. Whatever. Not my concern from the moment she stepped out. Live long and prosper (after you finish studying).
Groundel seems a bit less stressed. He's just mad his mom didn't bless him in the morning when she called his sister... He thinks they will just be pissed at him for how things turned out... Big deal. Not his decision anyway, I was the one giving the brilliant idea of her staying with us in the first place, so it only made sense I ended with the problem. I have a bitch reputation to maintain after all... So, I guess now Groundel can focus more into his own life, be a bit more talkative and go on finishing his BA. He's mentioning a lot that after he finishes studying he'll go to the states... Well, if that's how he feels he should handle things... I like having him around, I value him a lot and he is my best friend, but I guess that in order to prove some things some hurtful actions must take place... He has shown support for me in my decision to date Trilogy and see if we are as True as we think... I know it must hurt him much, but we cannot go on through life wondering about the what if's. I MUST know if my story with my so-called true love is a Neverending Story or if it is the Last Lie. I cannot go on through life regretting not giving Trilogy and me a fair chance. It takes guts from Groundel to let me go and still be there to watch over me. He knows I've not lied to him anytime, and that even if we have many bad times we also have our share of laughs... it is all called sharing LIFE. :)
Trilogy was a bit of a pain since his visit to his psycho... Each time he sees her she puts ideas in his head that may work for some IF I were as normal as everybody else... The woman has no idea of who I am, and I bet that she has a completely wrong vision of my life codes...
Tired. Must catch zzzzz's for this week will be loooooong, I can foresee that...
10-4
You are pure love. Pure and deep. You not only want
to but NEED to find your one true love. You are
not afraid of any challenge for your love, and
it is something to truly treasure.
What kind of love are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Imagination
What Kanji word best suits you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Category VI - The Strange
Attractor
Though you're not quite sure why, people are drawn
to you like moths to a flame. You really
are too cool for words.
What Type of Social Entity are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Ella, one of our most complex characters in
our story. You can rotate your role in life as
you choose, when you want the spotlight, you
bask in it, but you can also back away quickly
and brood in a corner. You love chocolate, and
can be insanely hyper one moment, then serious
as all hell in the next. It is difficult for
you to love someone, since the only person you
really cared for died when you were only three.
You are an EXTREME feminist, and you always
speak your mind. You have power over the water
(but you are afraid of the ocean o.O) and you
have mind powers (screw with someone's head or
read someone's thoughts) and you can steal
people's abilities, making you one tough chick.
If you had a personality disorder, it would be
Klepto and Denial. You deny the fact that you
do love someone, and you can burst out
uncontrollably when you had enough. You steal
people's items and tend to keep them for your
own intention. Overall...you're a cool cat,
and you know it!
If you were a story character, what would your personality be like?
brought to you by Quizilla
Bai Hu - Tiger!
Mythological Background: The tiger is associated
with strength and the desire for a challenge.
It is also associated with hope to win, or
rather, the blooming season. It is also linked
to meandering, or the ability to be in contact
with a lot of aspects. The tiger also stands
for war and soldiers fighting to the end, for
the sake of their country.
Which Chinese Mythological Being Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
to but NEED to find your one true love. You are
not afraid of any challenge for your love, and
it is something to truly treasure.
What kind of love are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Imagination
What Kanji word best suits you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Category VI - The Strange
Attractor
Though you're not quite sure why, people are drawn
to you like moths to a flame. You really
are too cool for words.
What Type of Social Entity are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Ella, one of our most complex characters in
our story. You can rotate your role in life as
you choose, when you want the spotlight, you
bask in it, but you can also back away quickly
and brood in a corner. You love chocolate, and
can be insanely hyper one moment, then serious
as all hell in the next. It is difficult for
you to love someone, since the only person you
really cared for died when you were only three.
You are an EXTREME feminist, and you always
speak your mind. You have power over the water
(but you are afraid of the ocean o.O) and you
have mind powers (screw with someone's head or
read someone's thoughts) and you can steal
people's abilities, making you one tough chick.
If you had a personality disorder, it would be
Klepto and Denial. You deny the fact that you
do love someone, and you can burst out
uncontrollably when you had enough. You steal
people's items and tend to keep them for your
own intention. Overall...you're a cool cat,
and you know it!
If you were a story character, what would your personality be like?
brought to you by Quizilla
Bai Hu - Tiger!
Mythological Background: The tiger is associated
with strength and the desire for a challenge.
It is also associated with hope to win, or
rather, the blooming season. It is also linked
to meandering, or the ability to be in contact
with a lot of aspects. The tiger also stands
for war and soldiers fighting to the end, for
the sake of their country.
Which Chinese Mythological Being Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Dearly Beloved Groundelette:
Ok, so I just don’t want more bull on things, sue me for wanting peace and tranquility… I don’t expect slaves around me, but reciprocity. Translation: I pay light (which skyrocketted last month to 300 bucks…), phone, rent, food… I work until 4:30pm… If you are living your life for free and if you know that you are allowed room to live YOUR life then there is no space for complaints but playing Cinderella and keeping the boss happy. Well, this boss is not happy, and I have had enough. I gambled away my privacy in order to help you, but you follow stupid ideas on matters of whom your loyalty turns to in the end. Your interests demand you stick to your dearly beloved Mauro and family even knowing the use you for their own purposes. It is ironic you speak of not being MY slave, but you are THEIR slave even if their helping you is almost absent. You have a LONG way to learn what REAL friendship is for, and to choose the right people to be around… If you don’t like me or my ways, FUCK IT. But I am crystal clear in my ways and do not lie. Those you try to defend are mere pawns that shrouds themselves in appearances and lies.
Not caring what the world think? Honey, how NAIVE and BRATISH of you! Even when you do not give a fuck on what people think, sometimes you have to play your part in the big theater of LIFE to get what you need. Being mild and passive as you are will make you face many obstacles. You say you are sooooooo experienced and soooooo professional… No one calling you yet, right? Darling, when in Rome do as you are expected in Rome until you have the BELIEFS to truly stand for your own… But trying to gather beliefs to defend your so-called “dearly beloved” friends is uncalled for, and will get you nowhere.
So, since my advises are stupid for you, and since you believe I am not truly a good friend, I demand you take your things and go. Go get the help of those dearly beloved, I set free my personal slave. You have until Sunday to complete taking your things. I am tired of being bitten by the people I try to help. Go get thrashed by life on your own. You NEED the reality check. And by the way, honey, you are my size… so darling, you ARE fat like it or not.
And so concludes entries on Groundelette and Fabio, a big drama that simply sucks.
10-4
Ok, so I just don’t want more bull on things, sue me for wanting peace and tranquility… I don’t expect slaves around me, but reciprocity. Translation: I pay light (which skyrocketted last month to 300 bucks…), phone, rent, food… I work until 4:30pm… If you are living your life for free and if you know that you are allowed room to live YOUR life then there is no space for complaints but playing Cinderella and keeping the boss happy. Well, this boss is not happy, and I have had enough. I gambled away my privacy in order to help you, but you follow stupid ideas on matters of whom your loyalty turns to in the end. Your interests demand you stick to your dearly beloved Mauro and family even knowing the use you for their own purposes. It is ironic you speak of not being MY slave, but you are THEIR slave even if their helping you is almost absent. You have a LONG way to learn what REAL friendship is for, and to choose the right people to be around… If you don’t like me or my ways, FUCK IT. But I am crystal clear in my ways and do not lie. Those you try to defend are mere pawns that shrouds themselves in appearances and lies.
Not caring what the world think? Honey, how NAIVE and BRATISH of you! Even when you do not give a fuck on what people think, sometimes you have to play your part in the big theater of LIFE to get what you need. Being mild and passive as you are will make you face many obstacles. You say you are sooooooo experienced and soooooo professional… No one calling you yet, right? Darling, when in Rome do as you are expected in Rome until you have the BELIEFS to truly stand for your own… But trying to gather beliefs to defend your so-called “dearly beloved” friends is uncalled for, and will get you nowhere.
So, since my advises are stupid for you, and since you believe I am not truly a good friend, I demand you take your things and go. Go get the help of those dearly beloved, I set free my personal slave. You have until Sunday to complete taking your things. I am tired of being bitten by the people I try to help. Go get thrashed by life on your own. You NEED the reality check. And by the way, honey, you are my size… so darling, you ARE fat like it or not.
And so concludes entries on Groundelette and Fabio, a big drama that simply sucks.
10-4
Took the day off to go get the car's inspection, make some deposits, check some stuff at the local mall, visit the post office, get a government loan and smile... all in one day... tiresome! Trilogy went with me on daylight so the dogs wouldn't bite me. ;P At night visited a chain store to gather needful stuff and food. Somewhere between the lines I was reminded that eating is part of life... :D I kinda forgot...
Where is Quevedo? The world may never know...
Where is Quevedo? The world may never know...
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Yesterday was a long day… I need sleep but can’t. After I went away from work I had to make various stops… bring some correspondence to my aunt, then take Groundel to his college, then go to Lucinda’s place to get my pills, then back to Groundel’s college, then grab something to eat on the way back because I was starving… then check some bids which I lose because they ended yesterday and wasn’t home… Grrr… Then FINALLY to bed at midnight… I’m still tired, waking up was not easy today. I was dreaming I was taking a class at my old college and I was arguing with a professor… LOL What an irony, I NEVER argued with them in reality… I think it was The Barbarian… Funny, that’s the absolutely LAST person to argue with, he may take out his two-handed sword and wack your pretty head anytime! Ok… so woke up with a smile in my face (nothing as good as a grrrrrrreat fight even if fake, before breakfast! So I am Aries, and I absolutely fall head over heels for ARES will, sue me! Maybe I should have enlisted in the ARMY or something, I am always planning strategies and seems the art of WAR comes easily to me… Another irony, since I believe so much in the “make Love not War” slogan… Ah, always little bi-polar me…LOL)
Been pretty bored at work… Not much to do… So I’ve been organizing my laptop and getting rid of junk… I also started making some subtle changes in my A&T site, and am building a site dedicated to little old homeland… I am building it as a separate site from the A&T, but it should be linked from there… Want to accomplish this little project… Basically, I should try to travel to a different town or city each weekend so I get pictures of that citie’s main places, parks or historical landmarks, cultural or fun places… Of course, I will begin with the Western area, leaving the rest of the island for later… I think that the West side is always left on the side when it comes to talking about PR in matters of all the attractions it has. So I want to find out each town’s little secrets and let the whole world know about it. My main interest is pictorial, but I’ll try including basic historical highlights, the town’s banner or shield, and the important people born in them… For educational purposes, so any outlander or highlander may experience what it’s like to live in this island and actually see we have NO TRIBES in here (sorry, but seems that people all over the world believe we wear tattered rags that covers just the basics and that we go around being hunting savages or something…), that we are pioneers in TECHNOLOGY (yup, small island has the BIGGEST radiotelescope of the WORLD plus many technologically specialized industries for the pharmaceutical and computer areas), and that our greatest asset is our PEOPLE (most puertoricans have studied, are professionals, are bilingual, and are not as STUPID as the world may think). Of course, outside the educative purpose I want a pictorial guide that any tourist will find appealing. And all this I’ll do for free just because it’s fun… it’s a personal project, a hobby… I want to rediscover my homeland in a way I have not seen it before… Gosh, all this patriotism is making me nauseous! LOL
Hmmm, as a last thought on this matter… It would be fun if Coriolis joined me, after all he bought this amazing and expensive camera to visit the outdoors and he still has not accomplish that idea! Well… not his fault, he’s a corporate slave… But hey, when you decide to have a life, contact me! ;) Maybe we could build this site together, that should be fun.
From what I’ve read Joe’s had used his powers once more and had send a giant lightning bolt towards J… Well, not news really, but she deserves it. I would understand her attitude better if her past relationships had been so meaningful, but they were NOT, so her attitude was appalling. Viewing how he is, I am glad he still talks to me… He hates my guts in many aspects of who I am, but somehow he managed to view me as worth “salvaging”… not letting my ship sink into the never-ending depths of the ocean… I see some parallel lines between J and me in matters of keeping our past in the present, but the differences come from the small detail that I’ve been with my loves for more than 8 years each… I have whole lifetimes to think of, to balance, to grieve for, to try… She had a handful of smoke… Just a thought that popped in my mind… Joe was pretty bipolar with me, but I was pretty bipolar with him… LOL All in all, I’m glad he’s still around to give me a few laughts and some of his completely harsh reality checks on life… Brutally honest yet one of the most thoughtful persons I have met. Somehow I always have this mental image of him waiting in a port, and this blurred gal running towards him, embracing him forever. I think THAT is the one for him, and will always be. Who knows, the world gives many turns, and we ain’t so far from England after all… That would be one of his greatest dreams come true… Ah, why women must be so… complicated… leaning towards stupid? We have our Greatest Love in front of us, and it is when it is lost that we decide to reach for him… And most of the times, that never happens… Depressing, but true.
Out of that bubble, into Disney’s realm… Watched Cinderella last night (for the first time… yup, knew the story, had the LP, knew the songs, just had never seen the actual friggin movie…ok?). So Disney makes all rats alike, all cats alike, all birds alike, all evil ladies with the same face and even hairdo… LOL At least now I can see Shrek again and TRULY understand the jokes that were funny anyway… ;P I’m very into Cheshire Cat, I completely feel attuned with him! Sad it is so hard to get stuff with him on the cover… Anyhow, at least Emily Strange and superhero stuff makes up for the lack of Cheshire around us… :D
Well, I’m supposed to go get Trilogy after work, to take him to the mall to get some needful things for his school… Being with no TV and no internet has been good for him… His feeding his brain feels almost as if he had an expansion chip in his head. LOL Well, it is interesting that now he says he doesn’t believe in ghosts or anything from “afterlife” or religions of any kind… He now thinks that even psychic powers are not real… Well, have to disagree with those thoughts… We have only explored 15% of the human mind, and tha means there’s 85% of misterious forces that any human can develop and actually use. The matter about the afterlife is a bit empty, as I see it it would be completely senseless to believe that you die and that’s it. Plus plain boring. LOL Where’s the opportunity to achieve perfection? Because perfection cannot be reached through one lifetime. It is a process of gathering knowledge and actions throughout years and years, throughout different eras and situations… It doesn’t matter if the belief should be called reincarnation, or just having multiples sides of you at the same time in different universes, or just keeping the concept of Heaven or Hell or Limbo… The important outcome is CHANGE, never-ending transformation that leads towards the perfection which I see as the use of the mind at its 100%… which leads to the seen everything, been everywhere… which leads towards MORE creation… If there were no God, then you would absolutely HAVE to believe that a higher entity with a 100% of capacities and abilities and dreams and actions and achievements BECOMES god and begins another stage of creation on its own… What matters is not the belief in God but the belief in PERFECTION that should be the model for any human behavior. Personally, I believe in God, I believe in His making humans at his own image. Meaning humans have the capacity to become gods as well, if we reach PERFECTION. Meaning creation is endless. And while humans walk towards that goal so very slowly, God keeps on creating other universes and allowing knowledge and guidance and comfort and love to help us as tools towards perfection. If I am insane on believing this, so be it. Believing in no religion is a way of walking backwards… in reality EVERY religion is right. Every religion was born due to certain circunstances in certain historical periods… And all have one main goal: PERFECTION of the soul. The praise of the perfect being God can turn many ways, as we are praising ourself in a perfect stage. And that is not bad, that is great. Different people need different ways of tapping into their self-realization, religion is learned based on where you are born… and then based on what you learn and feel and assimilate and believe… But it all has the same end. And no matter the roads, the end is BEAUTY. And God should be pleased with that.
Ok… I guess that was the deep thought of the week… To be or NOT to be… That is the constant question, the constant choice we have, the constant decision we take… I think we should always be… The world would be a better place if everyone could be…
Next! Back to ranting… LOL Well, Groundel keeps on being as pissed as I am with Groundelette… I am mad because of what she does not do, he is mad because of what she does not ask or let him know. Seems that she and mother keeps their own webspinning of plans and events, and then get shocked when they hear what Groundel plans… sort of… I keep seeing a line there, the divisory line of him being the “laddy that solves things in a hurry when there’s no other choice”, instead of him being treated as a true flesh and blood real brother/son… That has always bothered me, but somehow it’s a matter that feels stingy and stinky on the present. They lack on the “planning things so nothing goes wrong” stage. Groundelette gave absolutely NO follow-up to the matter of the housing places… she has no job still… and if her mother comes to this forsaken island she will loose wellfare and other health benefits and so will only depend on her hubby for support and her hubby earns only a very small amount fron the SS… soooo… Groundelette is supposed to take over on that, if her mom comes here she will have to take care of medical expenses and medicines… and she doesn’t even have a health plan to cover anything… which translates to BIG PROBLEMS if her mom or dad get sick… She was supposed to get a job to get a place so she could also take care of her family issues… but that all faded away because of the giant spell we should call “ever-exhisting Fabio and his clan”. She follows orders, only if very pressed, and still takes no charge of her destiny. She goes to school and she loved it… duh, pretty boys to meet, time to kill, Fabio and clan to meet afterwards… Ah, a life full of oportunities and she takes the ones that gives her NOTHING in return! Instead of taking those opportunities she runs from them. Student counseling gives students tools for getting a job, actually they have a placement section BUT… nothing… And while she keeps on just fllowing pretty boys and Fabio and his clan, she keeps wasting valuable time she should “waste” on jobhunting. She needs to get an attitude, get the proper image, go ask for a job in the right places and give follow-up… She makes no phone calls to any industry… Oh, but she calls her girlfriends or Fabio or her mom everyday… That’s deep jobhunting… Yeah, in five years maybe McD’s will call her… Who knows… Her shyness has been the greatest excuse to do nothing. She is not shy. That’s bull. And her “child-like speech” will also get her nowhere because it helps feed the “this girl has problems” image. She seems not to realize that what she do trying to be playful and cute (or maybe a really lame act of getting attention) has many bad feedback from the people around her. I’ve been asked if she has mental problems, what’s her condition, if she’s “special”, if she has problems… My insisting on her trying to change her behavior and the way she handles herself in public and the way she “sells” herself has COMPLETELY failed. It has been 3 complete months that she has been in my apartment, and no change whatsoever in her attitude or actions. I thought she was outgoing, I though she had real experience working… Fro someone who worked in Victoria’s Secret and in a supermarket she shows she knows nothing of handling customers, handling people, handling her image, handling herself… People treat you as YOU let them treat you, as you let them believe you are. And sadly, here in my hometown that has many many exponential variables… Maybe if she were in Carolina or SanJuan she would not have so many problems, but HERE of all places you MUST sell yourself RIGHT or you will get nowhere.
Three months of preeching her, and she still doesn’t get it. I thought that by watching she would learn, but that has failed too. I am very myself anywhere, everywhere, bitchy, commanding… but I follow the codes I must follow at work. I am assertive and I know that every place requires a different behavior (outside of your own beliefs). I can go out there and get myself any simple job because I look at people in the eye, I know what to say, when to say it, how to give the bait, how to reap the harvest… Although my sentimental life is most of the time sucky, my professional life is good, stable… not peachy but I do have a constant income, I do my job and I do it well. I say what I must if I know I am right, anytime… But I do take care on the words I choose. All she has seen from me is fashion tips and sojourns… She has this “trying to be goth” thing that I really hate because SHE IS NOT GOTH. She doesn’t see beauty in darkness, she doesn’t like the music, she doesn’t like deep thinking, she is very into happy, sparkly, pink bunny fields, she always puts the little girl voice, and I think she just wears black so she thinks she doesn’t look fat because in reality the worst color she can choose for herself taking her looks and skin color… is black… Ah, people! Anyway… Being Goth is a matter of beliefs and lifestyle, not looks. Guess that’s too deep for most people’s understanding…
Out to luch, hungerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
10-4
Been pretty bored at work… Not much to do… So I’ve been organizing my laptop and getting rid of junk… I also started making some subtle changes in my A&T site, and am building a site dedicated to little old homeland… I am building it as a separate site from the A&T, but it should be linked from there… Want to accomplish this little project… Basically, I should try to travel to a different town or city each weekend so I get pictures of that citie’s main places, parks or historical landmarks, cultural or fun places… Of course, I will begin with the Western area, leaving the rest of the island for later… I think that the West side is always left on the side when it comes to talking about PR in matters of all the attractions it has. So I want to find out each town’s little secrets and let the whole world know about it. My main interest is pictorial, but I’ll try including basic historical highlights, the town’s banner or shield, and the important people born in them… For educational purposes, so any outlander or highlander may experience what it’s like to live in this island and actually see we have NO TRIBES in here (sorry, but seems that people all over the world believe we wear tattered rags that covers just the basics and that we go around being hunting savages or something…), that we are pioneers in TECHNOLOGY (yup, small island has the BIGGEST radiotelescope of the WORLD plus many technologically specialized industries for the pharmaceutical and computer areas), and that our greatest asset is our PEOPLE (most puertoricans have studied, are professionals, are bilingual, and are not as STUPID as the world may think). Of course, outside the educative purpose I want a pictorial guide that any tourist will find appealing. And all this I’ll do for free just because it’s fun… it’s a personal project, a hobby… I want to rediscover my homeland in a way I have not seen it before… Gosh, all this patriotism is making me nauseous! LOL
Hmmm, as a last thought on this matter… It would be fun if Coriolis joined me, after all he bought this amazing and expensive camera to visit the outdoors and he still has not accomplish that idea! Well… not his fault, he’s a corporate slave… But hey, when you decide to have a life, contact me! ;) Maybe we could build this site together, that should be fun.
From what I’ve read Joe’s had used his powers once more and had send a giant lightning bolt towards J… Well, not news really, but she deserves it. I would understand her attitude better if her past relationships had been so meaningful, but they were NOT, so her attitude was appalling. Viewing how he is, I am glad he still talks to me… He hates my guts in many aspects of who I am, but somehow he managed to view me as worth “salvaging”… not letting my ship sink into the never-ending depths of the ocean… I see some parallel lines between J and me in matters of keeping our past in the present, but the differences come from the small detail that I’ve been with my loves for more than 8 years each… I have whole lifetimes to think of, to balance, to grieve for, to try… She had a handful of smoke… Just a thought that popped in my mind… Joe was pretty bipolar with me, but I was pretty bipolar with him… LOL All in all, I’m glad he’s still around to give me a few laughts and some of his completely harsh reality checks on life… Brutally honest yet one of the most thoughtful persons I have met. Somehow I always have this mental image of him waiting in a port, and this blurred gal running towards him, embracing him forever. I think THAT is the one for him, and will always be. Who knows, the world gives many turns, and we ain’t so far from England after all… That would be one of his greatest dreams come true… Ah, why women must be so… complicated… leaning towards stupid? We have our Greatest Love in front of us, and it is when it is lost that we decide to reach for him… And most of the times, that never happens… Depressing, but true.
Out of that bubble, into Disney’s realm… Watched Cinderella last night (for the first time… yup, knew the story, had the LP, knew the songs, just had never seen the actual friggin movie…ok?). So Disney makes all rats alike, all cats alike, all birds alike, all evil ladies with the same face and even hairdo… LOL At least now I can see Shrek again and TRULY understand the jokes that were funny anyway… ;P I’m very into Cheshire Cat, I completely feel attuned with him! Sad it is so hard to get stuff with him on the cover… Anyhow, at least Emily Strange and superhero stuff makes up for the lack of Cheshire around us… :D
Well, I’m supposed to go get Trilogy after work, to take him to the mall to get some needful things for his school… Being with no TV and no internet has been good for him… His feeding his brain feels almost as if he had an expansion chip in his head. LOL Well, it is interesting that now he says he doesn’t believe in ghosts or anything from “afterlife” or religions of any kind… He now thinks that even psychic powers are not real… Well, have to disagree with those thoughts… We have only explored 15% of the human mind, and tha means there’s 85% of misterious forces that any human can develop and actually use. The matter about the afterlife is a bit empty, as I see it it would be completely senseless to believe that you die and that’s it. Plus plain boring. LOL Where’s the opportunity to achieve perfection? Because perfection cannot be reached through one lifetime. It is a process of gathering knowledge and actions throughout years and years, throughout different eras and situations… It doesn’t matter if the belief should be called reincarnation, or just having multiples sides of you at the same time in different universes, or just keeping the concept of Heaven or Hell or Limbo… The important outcome is CHANGE, never-ending transformation that leads towards the perfection which I see as the use of the mind at its 100%… which leads to the seen everything, been everywhere… which leads towards MORE creation… If there were no God, then you would absolutely HAVE to believe that a higher entity with a 100% of capacities and abilities and dreams and actions and achievements BECOMES god and begins another stage of creation on its own… What matters is not the belief in God but the belief in PERFECTION that should be the model for any human behavior. Personally, I believe in God, I believe in His making humans at his own image. Meaning humans have the capacity to become gods as well, if we reach PERFECTION. Meaning creation is endless. And while humans walk towards that goal so very slowly, God keeps on creating other universes and allowing knowledge and guidance and comfort and love to help us as tools towards perfection. If I am insane on believing this, so be it. Believing in no religion is a way of walking backwards… in reality EVERY religion is right. Every religion was born due to certain circunstances in certain historical periods… And all have one main goal: PERFECTION of the soul. The praise of the perfect being God can turn many ways, as we are praising ourself in a perfect stage. And that is not bad, that is great. Different people need different ways of tapping into their self-realization, religion is learned based on where you are born… and then based on what you learn and feel and assimilate and believe… But it all has the same end. And no matter the roads, the end is BEAUTY. And God should be pleased with that.
Ok… I guess that was the deep thought of the week… To be or NOT to be… That is the constant question, the constant choice we have, the constant decision we take… I think we should always be… The world would be a better place if everyone could be…
Next! Back to ranting… LOL Well, Groundel keeps on being as pissed as I am with Groundelette… I am mad because of what she does not do, he is mad because of what she does not ask or let him know. Seems that she and mother keeps their own webspinning of plans and events, and then get shocked when they hear what Groundel plans… sort of… I keep seeing a line there, the divisory line of him being the “laddy that solves things in a hurry when there’s no other choice”, instead of him being treated as a true flesh and blood real brother/son…
Three months of preeching her, and she still doesn’t get it. I thought that by watching she would learn, but that has failed too. I am very myself anywhere, everywhere, bitchy, commanding… but I follow the codes I must follow at work. I am assertive and I know that every place requires a different behavior (outside of your own beliefs). I can go out there and get myself any simple job because I look at people in the eye, I know what to say, when to say it, how to give the bait, how to reap the harvest… Although my sentimental life is most of the time sucky, my professional life is good, stable… not peachy but I do have a constant income, I do my job and I do it well. I say what I must if I know I am right, anytime… But I do take care on the words I choose. All she has seen from me is fashion tips and sojourns… She has this “trying to be goth” thing that I really hate because SHE IS NOT GOTH. She doesn’t see beauty in darkness, she doesn’t like the music, she doesn’t like deep thinking, she is very into happy, sparkly, pink bunny fields, she always puts the little girl voice, and I think she just wears black so she thinks she doesn’t look fat because in reality the worst color she can choose for herself taking her looks and skin color… is black… Ah, people! Anyway… Being Goth is a matter of beliefs and lifestyle, not looks. Guess that’s too deep for most people’s understanding…
Out to luch, hungerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
10-4
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