HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNN!
Well, woke up by midday, and got all dressed up as a vampyre fighter-mage. Since Groundel had no disguise, painted his face so he looked pretty much dead. I painted my chest-scar as if it had been bitten, as well as a bit of blood coming from my mouth. It was all just for the fun of the day. We couldn't do much due to rain and the political havoks... Sooooo I just went to my aunt's place and stayed watching a movie. Afterwards visited Trilogy for some trick-or-treating and then off home... I start working tomorrow, so I need to have a good night's sleep, or so. Whatever...

10-4

I can't light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white
I'm growing tired and time stands still before me
Frozen here on the ladder of my life

Too late to save myself from falling
I took a chance and changed your way of life
But you misread my meaning when I met you
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light

Don't let the sun go down on me
Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

I can't find the right romantic line
But see me once and see the way I feel
Don't discard me just because you think I mean you harm
But these cuts I have they need love to help them heal

Don't let the sun go down on me
Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

Don't let the sun go down on me
Although I search myself, it's always someone else I see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

-Elton John, "Don't let the sun get down on me"
To the ones I love beyond life and death...

You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make u feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shinin' through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all ya can bear
You can call me up
Because u no I'll be there

And I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

I can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors, true colors
True colors are shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
-Cyndi Lauper, "True Colors"
To Joe, Zordak, Lucinda and Coriolis

H
ello? - Remember me? - Who's there? - I got your number!
oh no no! - I'm back to haunt you! - No stay away!

It's Friday night so creepy outside
It's thundering and lightning
there's nobody home cuz I'm all alone
it's scary and it's frightening

The sound of shoes
a shadow that moves
something odd is tic-tac-ticking
someone's in here I'm so full of fear
the telephone is ringing!

Now I can see you - Oh no please no
Now I can touch you - Oh god please don't
I'm right here now - Oh please tell me where
hahahahahaha - I'm in a nightmare
you better run I'm back to hunt you down

Halloween in the dead of the night hear me scream
I'm coming, I'm coming
Halloween is the fear that I fight in my dreams
Keep running, Keep running

Just keep running, oh keep on running girl, just keep running

Hell broke out this Friday night zombies passing deadly
my candyman from bounty land is coming here to get me!

Now I can see you - Oh no please no
Now I can touch you - Oh god please don't
I'm right here now - Oh please tell me where
hahahahahaha - I'm in a nightmare
you better run I'm back to hunt you down

Halloween in the dead of the night hear me scream
I'm coming I'm coming
Halloween is the fear that I fight in my dreams
Keep running Keep running

Just keep running, keep on running girl, just keep running

Squeaking and Creaking I move silent in the night hahaha
could be the boy next door you'll never guess my disguise
Chains and children fight
bloodshed and candlelight
You might be the fearsome one at junoir high tonight!

Halloween in the dead of the night hear me scream
I'm coming I'm coming
Halloween is the fear that I fight in my dreams
Keep running Keep running

Halloweeennnn

Just keep running, oh keep on running girl, just keep running

(Scream)
-Aqua, "Halloween"
Well, somehow this shoe fits... LOL

With the fire from the fireworks up above me
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain at hand
You run for cover in the temple of love
You run for another but still the same
For the wind will blow my name across this land

In the temple of love you hide together
Believing pain and fear outside
But someone near you rides the weather
And the tears he cried will rain on walls
As wide as lovers eyes

In the temple of love: Shine like thunder
In the temple of love: Cry like rain
In the temple of love: Hear my calling
In the temple of love: Hear my name

And the devil in black dress watches over
My guardian angel walks away
Life is short and love is always over in the morning
Black wind come carry me far away

With the sunlight died and night above me
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain inside

You run for cover in the temple of love
You run for another it's all the same
For the wind will blow and throw your walls aside
With the fire from the fireworks up above
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain

You run for cover in the temple of love
I shine like thunder cry like rain
And the temple grows old and strong
But the wind blows longer cold and long
And the temple of love will fall before
This black wind calls my name to you no more

In the black sky thunder sweeping
Underground and over water
Sounds of crying weeping will not save
Your faith for bricks and dreams for mortar
All your prayers must seem as nothing
Ninety-six below the wave
When stone is dust and only air remains

In the temple of love: Shine like thunder
In the temple of love: Cry like rain
In the temple of love: Hear the calling
And the temple of love is falling
Down

In the temple of love: Shine like thunder
In the temple of love: Cry like rain
In the temple of love: Hear my calling
In the temple of love: Hear my name

In the black sky thunder sweeping
Underground and over water
Sounds of crying weeping will not save
Your faith for bricks and dreams for mortar
All your prayers must seem as nothing
Ninety-six below the wave
When stone is dust and only air remains
the only haven you can trust

And the devil in black dress watches over
My guardian angel walks away
Life is short and love is always over in the morning
Black wind come carry me far away

With the fire from the fireworks up above
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain you

You run for cover in the temple of love
I shine like thunder cry like rain
And the temple grows old and strong
But the wind blows longer cold and long
And the temple of love will fall before
This black wind calls my name to you no more

In the temple of love you hide together
Believing pain and fear outside
But someone near you rides the weather
And the tears he cried will rain on walls
As wide as lovers eyes

In the temple of love: Shine like thunder
In the temple of love: Cry like rain
In the temple of love: Hear the calling
And the temple of love is falling
Down

-Sisters of Mercy, "Temple of Love"
To close this show... It kinda sums up how I feel... In a nice way...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, KIDDIES!
10-4

Went with Lucinda to walk around el pueblo and get some stuff she needed for Einstein. I got two ponchos at bargain price, another deal... I am now officially a deal-buster... LOL

Could not see Trilogy on Fri and Sat, have been mostly hibernating and playing around with some software... Today tried to visit el Calvo but my bright idea took me into a caravana Popular, then into a caravana PNP... and reaching my hometown again another caravana Popular... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Groundel feeling bothered by external circunstances, and I understand... I am bothered too... Hopefully things will change soon...

Trilogy went partying last night, but the party was not as good as expected... LOL Oh, well... Asked him why he did not invite me and he said because they went late to Aguadilla... He thinks I follow Burbujita's advice and go to sleep at 9-10pm on a Friday night... Helloooooooo? Fri and Sat are the only days I can actually stay up late because I have no work afterwards, and I do browse the net until the wee hours of the morning... the other days are off limits because I work, you know? Ah, sometimes explaining the logical things takes patience, sometimes I don't get WHY I must explain the basics... Whatever... His friends were playing tonight too, but seemed he was in no mood to go out...

And I was in no mood to go anywhere either, especially after the thing with the caravanas... Grrrrrr... Estoy loca por que llegue ya el próximo viernes, damnit! I absolutely HATE elections time!

The Chicago dvd arrived today, so the afternoon was a bit entertaining. Not much to add...

Off to never-never land...

Today… Well, mostly I just paid some bills, checked the PO and spent some time with Trilogy. There was a costume contest at his school, and of course he got dressed for the occasion… Took a pic of him in his Possessed Mickey the Mage attire, which I posted in my fotolog. That was weird… LOL But I cannot expect any less of him… One day without arguing! Wow! Ok, so there was a full moon, maybe THAT was the reason why… Weird things happen during a full moon… ;) Anyway… Finally got the black shimmery glossy cape I wanted for Halloween. This year I’ll celebrate and go Trick-or-Treating… Letting the kid out to have some fun, after all it is my last day of vacation! :P I hope Coriolis make it to my hometown so we can have a nice game on Sat and/or Sun. Been watching Xena’s season 4, had to buy a remote for the one the dvd had was damaged by my children… Whatever…

About life, feelings and more...

Groundel… Even though he has difficulty controlling his temper, he has been very nice and thoughtful with me so I must give him credit for that. He likes seeing me smiling and happy, and I guess that’s good in a sense… I take for granted many things that he do for me… and it’s not that I do not notice, it’s more that I’m a pampered bitch that thinks everyone must serve me without hesitation just because I’m a goddess… Well, no… Groundel, thank you for the little things you do EVERYDAY no matter if you are angry or sad or tired or pissed at me. You have always been one of my best friends, a good companion and confident… Although we have VERY different ways of seeing things, I am here to bring some light to your shadows, to guide your path and to help you be your BEST. Thank you for your patience and even for your silence… You mean a lot to me.

Coriolis is still in the getting a house and an apartment mode… Hope things work out, in the best interest of both? LOL

Trilogy… Seems to be more thoughtful and focused… Although he can be the epitome of sarcasm, he can still make me smile just because. And that's good. We are not arguing so heatedly lately, and it seems an air of understanding is around… I will try not to jinx it, but heck… It is VERY nice to have him around in my life once more… Time can only tell if our friendship can still blossom, and if anything else should come out of it… Love... Oh, yes... But with the eyes open this time... We'll see... He still hesitates to have me with his friends, and that bothers me. There's still much he has to learn about me... There's time. Everything shall fall into its right place in the end.

Right now I know I cannot be a priority in Trilogy’s life because his priority should be studying. It is the same with Groundel… When they both finish that task, then, and only then, can I start believing in being a priority for either… So, another year must pass… And truth shall be revealed… And time will dance the Last Dance for one and the Forever Dance with the other… Right now I have no outcome, I have no clue on what will happen… I am just enjoying their presence, and watching and learning… I must let them be by themselves so they can grow on their own… I can only be there to witness their growth and their beauty, to give a breath of encouragement and to get my own proof of things… And while they do their own thing, I’ll do mine. I have many plans that need attention, and so they will once again surface… I have myself as center of my life, and from there I am to make my own growth… I believe it is a necessary evil, after all. I must be my own so I can really be someone’s. That’s simple, isn’t it?

I am to watch. I am to learn. I am to grow. I am to bloom. No more stalement, the season changed swiftly towards the greatest season: the season to reap my Self.

10-4

Ok, so I'm feeling romantic today, sue me for that! :D

Let's see... what have I done in these last couple of days? Hmmm... I dyed my hair a light reddish-orangy-pinky colour... Getting used to it. Besides that, I've been hibernating in my house, putting things in order and daydreaming a bit for a change. I'm feeling pink and happy... no happy bunny, thank you. Trilogy has been around, Groundel is not so grumpy and life seems beautiful. Ok... Who abducted me? LOL

10-4

Tus ojos, claro de monte,
como guitarras trovadoras, de San juan
Tus ojos, son mi suplicio
son mi perdon, mi redencion, me despertar

Tus ojos que me arrebata,
son mi locura, son la plena perdicion
tu ojos lo tienen todo
nada me falta porque son mi bendicion

Tus ojos que tienen mi ausencia
como dulce y fresco sereno de mar
tus ojos son mi equilibrio
son mi libertad
mirame, dame fuerza y alivio
mirame, es lo que necesito
mirame, para tenerlo todo,
solo basta quedarme, fundida en tus ojos

Tus ojos, dulce esperanza
remedio y caliz de ese sorbo de tu amor
tus ojos, son mi suplicio
son mi perdon, mi redencion, mi despertar

Tus ojos me llenan el alma
no hay otra riqueza no tengo temor
tus ojos dulces benditos,
son mi devocion

mirame, que es la paz tu mirada
mirame, que mi dicha no alcanza
mirame, que la luz y la calma
que me brindan tus ojos, tranquilizan mi alma

-Gloria Estefan, "Tus ojos"

El amor es un rayo de luz indirecta
una gota de paz,una fe que despierta,
un sumbido en el aira,un punto en la niebla
un perfil,una sombra,una pausa,una espera.

El amor es un suave rumor que se acerca
un timbre a lo lejos,una brisa ligera,una voz en la calma,
un aroma de menta,un despues,un quizas,una vez,una meta.

El amor va brotando entre el aire y el suelo,
y se palpa y se siente y hay quien pueda verlo
y hace que te despiertes y pienses en el
y te llama despacio rozando tu piel.

El amor te hipnotiza,te hace soñar
y sueñas y cedes y te dejas llevar
y te mueve por dentro y te hace ser mas
y te empuja y te puede y te lleva detras.

Y de pronto te alza,te lanza,te quema
hace luz en tu alma,hace fuego en tus venas
y te hace gritar el sentir que te quemas
te disuelve,te evapora,te destruye,te crea.

Y te hace viajar en el filo del tiempo
remontando los siglos de mil universos
y te lleva a la gloria y te entrega a la tierra
y te mira y te ve y piensa y piensa.

Y de pronto el amor es la luz de una llama,
que se empieza a apagar... y se va... y se apaga
es la isla pequeña perdida en la niebla
una gota,un no se,una mancha una mueca

El amor va bajando peldaño a peldaño
con las manos cerradas y el paso cansado
te pregunta quién eres para hacerte saber
que apenas te conoce que ¿qué quieres de él?

El amor te hace burla,se rie de tí
mientras tú sigues quieto, sin saber que decir
y deseas seguirle y decirle que no
que se quede que vuelva que cometa un error

Y el amor desbarata tus grandes ideas,
te destroza te rompe te parte te quiebra
y te hace ser ese que tu no quisieras
y te empuja a ser malo y te deja hecho MIERDA.

Y te arroja de bruces al ultimo infierno
arrancándote el alma,pisándote el cuerpo
y ahogas de ancias de volver a la nada
y de pronto se para... y te ve
y se apiada...

-Yolandita Monge, "El amor"

Todos quieren que me aleje de el
que es de lo peor y no me quiere bien.
Dicen que me envuelve el cerebro
con el fin de enredarse en mi cuerpo.
Debo confesar que cuando el me besa
el mundo da vueltas dentro de mi cabeza
cierro los ojos y siento su aliento
mi sangre quema cualquier pensamiento
y le creo le creo le creo

Le creo cuando dice te quiero
Le creo que su amor sera eterno
Le creo que el es hombre mas bueno
Le creo que la luna es de queso
y si el me diera otro beso
que mas da si me miente
yo le creo

Con los ojos cerrados yo ire tras de el
con los ojos cerrados siempre lo amare
con los ojos cerrados yo confio en el
con los ojos cerrados yo le quiero creer

Con los ojos cerrados ire tras de el
con los ojos cerrados siempre lo amare
con los ojos cerrados yo confio en el
con los ojos cerrados yo le quiero creer
le voy a creer

Ellos dicen que yo no puedo ver
que el amor me ciega cuando estoy con el
no me fijo que no tiene dinero
dicen que el es malo y yo soy su juego

Debo confesar que cuando el me besa
el mundo da vueltas dentro de mi cabeza
cierro los ojos y siento su aliento
mi sangre quema cualquier pensamiento
y le creo le creo le creo

Le creo cuando dice te quiero
Le creo que su amor sera eterno
Le creo que el es hombre mas bueno
Le creo que la luna es de queso
y si el me diera otro beso
que mas da si me miente
yo le creo

Con los ojos cerrados ire tras de el
con los ojos cerrados siempre lo amare
con los ojos cerrados yo confio en el
con los ojos cerrados yo le quiero creer

Con los ojos cerrados ire tras de el
con los ojos cerrados siempre lo amare
con los ojos cerrados yo confio en el
con los ojos cerrados yo le quiero creer
le voy a creer

con los ojos cerrados
con los ojos cerrados

-Gloria Trevi, "Con los ojos cerrados"

Por cruzarme la calle
tuve ya un accidente
y es que no soy cobarde:
voy por la acera de enfrente.
Yo si tengo coraje
y soy muy diferente,
la que quiera atreverse:
que cruce conmigo aqui enfrente

CORO

Que caminen por ahi: las fresas
que caminen por ahi: las ''cuerdas''
que caminen por ahi: las ''feas''
que caminen por ahi: las mensas
que caminen por ahi: barberas y burguesas por ahi
que caminen

que caminen por ahi: las amargadas
que caminen por ahi: las apretadas
que caminen por ahi: las matadas
que caminen por ahi: las aguadas
que caminen por ahi: las castas y calladas por ahi
que caminen

A la que le quede el saco
de lo que he mencionado
siga caminando
del lado equivocado.
Pero todas las fuertes
y las inteligentes
vénganse conmigo
a la banqueta de enfrente.

CORO

Que caminen por ahi: las ''drogas''
que caminen por ahi: ias codas
que caminen por ahi: las tontas
que caminen por ahi: ias ''monjas''
que caminen por ahi: las que hacen la carroña por ahi
que caminen

que caminen por ahi: las tibias
que caminen por ahi: las consentidas
que caminen por ahi: las adictas
que caminen por ahi: las creidas
que caminen por ahi: las frias y santitas por ahi
por ahi que caminen
que caminen por ahi, si
yo por la acera de enfrente
que caminen por ahi si
o por la acera de enfrente!
o camino por aqui si
aqui es la acera de enfrente!

Yo camino por aqui, si
aqui es la acera de enfrente!

-Gloria Trevi, "La acera de enfrente"

Toda la vida coleccionado mil amores
haciendo juegos malabares
Para no amarte en exclusiva.

Toda la vida poniendo trampas al orgullo
tantas historias como estrellas
para no ser esclavo tuyo
Para obtener mi propia música.

Toda la vida descubriendo puertas a escondidas
para escapar de tus heridas
para buscar la aventuras que me liberen de tus besos
Solo por eso, solo por eso.

Toda la vida para olvídate
para perderte y recupérate
y no dormirme en tus sentidos
como un idiota enamorado desmadejado
Aburrido que se conforma.

Toda la vida marcando números secretos
mandando cartas a escondidas
haciendo citas indiscretas
Como un romántico suicida, un suicidas.

Toda la vida sabiendo siempre que me esperas
siempre segura de ti misma
siempre mujer siempre perfecta
y yo buscando mi otra música, mi propia música,
en me música aaah.

Toda la vida pensando siempre en tu egoísmo
y por no ser esclavo tuyo
Soy el esclavo de mi mismo.

Toda la vida tirando amor por por todos lados
dejando beso enganchados
en cada nueva despedida
Y tu al final la mas querida.

Toda la vida.....
Toda la vida.....
Toda La Vida
Toda La Vida

-Emmanuel, "Toda la Vida"

Yup, bored like hell. It has been a long day because it has been SLOW. Watched Spider-Man twice, watched a Xena episode, went to get some stuff for the kitties... took Groundel to the doctor, finally talked to Lucinda... Overall sleepy... Wanted to get a webbed cape or glittery cape for Halloween but it is still too expensive... So, that idea is off-limits until Sat perhaps... Tomorrow will do my hair roots, will get another shade of red (more orangy). That's about all the stirs left for the last week of vacation time... Ah, hopefully the weekend will look-up a bit...

10-4

You came from the darkness. Non-trusting, you most
likely will spend most of your life alone.


Where did you come from?
brought to you by Quizilla



You represent... anger.
Mad at the world, eh? You have a tendency to...
freak out easily. Overly emotional about
everything, you're most prone to bouts of
cruelty and moodiness. Other people may be
afraid of the fact that you explode so easily,
but at least you're honest... even if you're
honest about not liking anything.


What feeling do you represent?
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Your anime hair color is white.


What is your anime hair color?
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You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.


What Kind of Smile are You?
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You are most like Raven. Quiet and usually soft
spoken, you don't like crowds and can be
slightly gothic. You try to repress your
emotions for one reason or another but one of
your most powerful emotions is your anger. Your
temper sometimes gets the best of you and when
that happens those in your way would wish they
weren't. You seem somewhat creepy to others and
you earn a few odd stares but who cares? You
aren't an outdoors person and avoid venturing
outside when you can. You are generally the
smart one and maybe not by trying to, the most
cynical and sarcastic of the bunch which can be
good or bad. You don't like anyone invading
your privacy and you don't seem to be all that
social. But for what it's worth you can be
quite handy in a tough situation. You are drawn
to the darkness or night most of the time. You
appear mysterious and/or potentially dangerous
at times and not everyone trusts you right
away.


Which Teen Titans Character Are You?
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I'm depressed


why is YOUR livejournal annoying?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're Bettie Page!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
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Ok, so THESE have been BUSY days! Some action, FINALLY! LOL ;)

Friday: The day started with the dilemma of a deposit that I made and that was not showing in my bank account… In the end it did show, and although I thought I was late for doing all I wanted to do, I called Trilogy up and we headed towards ill-fated Ponce. We didn’t get lost and we arrived at the Taíno’s ceremonial museum, a.k.a. Tibes. There was a small group of 4 people that were tourists and that had just begun the guided tour, so we joined them. It was a recap of the things I already knew, plus I learned about how Maví and Raíces were brewed by the Taínos… One teaspoon of pure Raíces is used to clean the bloodstream, so imagine how strong that is! Anyway, there are 9 stoned-edged courtyards that were discovered by archeologists. The burial ground is the only one that was placed N-S, the others were placed E-W since their religion was based on praising the Sun god, mainly. There is one courtyard shaped as a sun, and the triangles are very accurate on telling an exact point that happens once a year. It was all very beautiful, as I remembered from elementary school… We visited the small museum that they keep… I recalled many other things… The feds have left almost nothing from all the items that were discovered… For the sake of science we always pay… Then we took a small break at the souvenir store, drank some Raíces and we ended this tour watching the 10-minute movie that they show about the Taínos… Gosh, it’s the same movie that they showed when I was 9 years old… An update should be in process, DAMNIT! Next stop: The Museum of Puerto Rico. Now, trying to get there we REALLY got lost. We passed by other museums and even the Parque de Bombas… LOL We asked a policeman fishy and she gave us directions… So, we spent the rest of the evening admiring paintings and reading their history and making up what the people in the paintings were thinking… LOL I fall in love with a painting in particular. The crucifixion of Christ, but instead of having the body of the Christ hanging from the cross it depicts Jesus as a child, dressed as the Christ, hugging the cross, while standing over 3 male heads, a snake and a skull. It is really powerful and original, and I wish I could find a copy of it… I also had a nervous breakdown because of the “lack of creativity” on the images because ¾ of the paintings ALWAYS had a skull somewhere… I know it means that appearances of physical matters and vanity are not permanent and fade with time… but hey, must EVERYONE use the same allegory? LOL The second painting that I absolutely LOVED is the one showing an old philosopher surrounded by his apprentices… They are writing everything he say, he is dying because he just slit his feet and placed them in water so he has a slow death while he teaches his last lessons to the others… The philosopher was a follower of Plato, and he had been sentenced to death… When the military arrived, he decided to do this and die his way… Cool, huh? Well… After the historical-comemierdistic evening we headed to our hometown. We stopped to eat some calzones and we realized we had a perfect day. When we arrived home we had an argument because of his screaming from the car to a person… saying offensive words… That was the only bad moment of the day, so even if it was a big bang it is an improvement. Trilogy promised to try controlling his vocabulary ESPECIALLY if he’s in my surroundings… We’ll see… And so, Friday finished… I went home and fall to sleep like a rock…

Saturday: Since the wedding was supposed to be today, Groundel’s cousin and aunt and her hubby made it anyway to the island… So, I decided that the least I could do is play the host even if for a short time. So the group was Groundel, Groundelette, Gigik, Vangie and her hubby and PapoSpider and his daughter… and me of course! :) Una de estas cosas no es como las otras… LOL Anyway… We went to the Rincón Lighthouse, even though the day was cloudy and rainy and the end of the political campaigns were all in my hometown (so traffic and people were acting too crazy for my taste). We took some pics, said our hello’s, and then decided we were hungry. So, I had the great idea of going to Aguada to EL Plátano Loco (yup, The Crazy Plantain). It is a local landmark, a famous little restaurant famous because they do EVERYTHING with plantain: from plantain-burger to plantain candy. In order to get there we got REALLY lost because although I knew it was in Aguada I didn’t knew the way and whenever we stopped for directions people would send us in every direction but the right one… LOL We FINALLY made it, and at least we had a GRRRRRRRREAT time in there! I had a plantain-burger, others has an Island (plaintain soup with mofongo in the middle, topped with your choice of meat… that looked yummy!) (I’m a sucker for mofongo, gotta get it next time!). Well, after that we split. Heading towards Mayaguez we had a slight scare because of a group of young stupid people that were arguing and almost started a fight… Police arrived, cars could finally move… Amen… Since it was not too late we decided to rent a few movies and pass the night at home (yup, the street was too unpredictable and with the little scare it was enough excitement for the night). So, we rented Mafalda, Cold Mountain, 50first dates and Ginger Snaps Back. We stayed up until 4am, and then to sleep…

Sunday: Woke up at midday… still tired and sleepy, but after some conferencing with the Circle of Jedis we decided to take Vangi and crew to the Cabo Rojo lighthouse, so they could see the REAL deal. So, we met at the nearest BK and off to the lighthouse we went! LOL We got there, to my surprise the place had Salinas almost everywhere… just one bad way to reach the trail, everything else covered with water… Hmmm… that’s good and that’s bad… At least the flora and fauna are healing, and I guess that’s Nature’s way of protecting herself… Anyway, we hiked up the trail, and arrived at the site. The guests loved it… Duh! It is my absolutely favorite place in the island. And then a little something happened. There we saw this kitty, with yellow and black spots and white tummy and feet… She looked hungry, and one eye seemed to be bad… Yet her fur was shiny and she was very friendly… I fall in love. We played with her, and she followed us most of the trail… So, gave her a hamburger that I had kept in the car and brought her home with me. She’s lovely. I named her Roxy after Chicago’s Roxy Heart. I tried to see if Lucinda wanted to keep her, but she was not home… I had to take my brats off the bathroom so I keep Roxy isolated. :) After all that, I looked for some info for Trilogy and went to see him. He had been depressed the whole afternoon, and still looked sad. I listened to all he had to say, and tried to make him feel better… An almost impossible task. He takes whatever I say too personally, and sometimes I actually MEAN nothing because I am thinking of NOTHING… Damn if I think, damned if I don’t… I hope he can get out of where he lives… It is the only way he can find a little peace… But if he doesn’t get a job, there’s no point in complaining because he won’t have the tools to do ANYTHING at all. He needs to get some stuff for school and his mom had not get him the stuff… but it is as I told him, instead of complaining and being a leech he should get his own stuff… he ain’t no kid no more… At least I made him smile a little… And I didn’t end up crying, so THAT’s a change. LOL And then I went home. Another day, gone.

Monday: Woke up late again… Midday, and I am here… waiting for breakfast. :) And finishing off some ebay deals… Guess today I rest... Gotta find some missing money, hope the kitties did not bury it in the litter! OMG! Grrrrr...

Lucinda: WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Coriolis: DID YOU GET WHAT U WERE GONNA GET? CALL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE And HEY! When are you giving ME your blog's address? Hmph!
Kara: YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYYYYYYYYYYYY! She's finally divorced! FINALLY! Amen! :)
AVO: Hugsssssssssssssssssss!

10-4

Ok, so yesterday was a disturbing day... Daylight brought a good swift bundle of memories and amicable talk... Nightlight brought anger, despair, sorrow, truth, and death... Allright, not physical death but perhaps a humble stage of stasis (picture the worm inside a cocoon)... Groundel and I had a big talk. I tried explaining myself as clear as I could... He knows all this time I have always told him what I do, when I do... And he knows I write here things that are in my mind, in my heart and in my dreams. I am not thinking of Groundel as 2nd plate to Trilogy. My logic and my reason says Groundel is my stability. But one thing is missing... That little beat that makes you flip of joy and do crazy things just because... And that little beat is my Trilogy... While my reason goes to Groundel, my feelings/passion/child... name it as you must... goes to Trilogy. I dream of Trilogy. Yet, I have done for Groundel so many things I wouldn't even have think of doing for Trilogy... Because I believed in Groundel and Kymill. I truly did. I gave it all. But then hell broke loose, and although NOT everything has been hell, the events were quite gargantuan... I did my best to handle the issues, but my sadness was growing... And although I may appear to enjoy sadness, I do not. I needed to unlock my old self, I needed to unchain my feelings and my chaos... I was dying. So, here we are... I am not trying the "go back with fill-the-blank game". I just want to be ME. I have been living for everyone else the last 10 years, and in the way I lost ME. I WANT to be ME, to have my deep feelings, to enjoy each day as if it were the last, to breathe, and look into the sky and count the stars again, and fight dragons and fly in the wind... I LOVE ME. And so, a consequence of being ME is the neverending search for Trilogy... HE brings out my passion, my innocense, my dreams... It is not something I do to bother anyone, but to make myself smile. I hate the fact that in the way I am hurting someone I do care much about... But I HAVE to do this. I cannot marry anyone before being CERTAIN that Trilogy and I were not meant to be... And in order to do that we need to share time, and everyday life... we need to be friends again, and then see if everything else falls in place, if things have change for better or for worse... I need time and space and understanding in order to do that. If love is not enough, I will take my passion and pride and go away from Trilogy, forever. But I MUST take one last chance, and BELIEVE in my dream, and see if it works because I just could not go on through life feeling REGRET. And until now, I regret nothing I have done... I don't want to start that now. It prides me to have a clean concience. And so I am doing what I have to do for MY self. Groundel, you must stay within your cocoon if you want to wait for a true decision from me, but at the same time you must keep your self growth by finishing studying and working... do not rot... You have done great so far, and you can do even MORE... but let me go for a while... If I return to you it will be forever... If I don't then you KNOW we will always be family and I will always be your best friend NO MATTER WHAT.

This is the story of 3 people... trying to live in Puerto Rico...
Let's see how things turn when things stop being polite...
and start getting REAL.
All within the boundaries of love...

God have mercy...

10-4

Two long days... In both I have been cleaning up my little rooms at my aunt's house. I have been book-lifting, and throwing away so many useless papers! Dated from 1985... Why one keeps so much stuff that is sooooo useless? Ah, the physical attachment to memories...

Ok, so I did not throw away my Lyoness notebook cover, or the Darkseid Apocalipse Now cover, or the English class "Stickyfingers" essays... those are too priceless... I still keep the great notebook of eyes... LOL That was my "venting" notebook, each time I was angry I drew eyes all over pages and pages and pages... I found some cool stuff, two stray certificates of achievement that I didn't knew I had, a thank-you letter from the wife of my fisrt boss (?) and a whole bunch of keys that I have not idea where they go or what they do... LOL

But the most priceless things I found were in a small bundle of paper. As I ripped away the papers I found a small notebook that reads "A thousand and one uses for a Gilbert" LOL I was laughing so hard... I made it to seven hundred something... And there were the rings we both shared, my skeleton ring and his skeleton-snake ring (yup, those were our engagement rings back then...) And a book with a dedicatory, a picturebook of The Secret Garden in which came a small key and he dedicated to me... Awwwww... But the cutest of things and maybe the one of more value is one paper that has a long dedicatory talking about trust, that he wrote... The paper is a beautiful, glossy certificate... And it was signed by both of us on 1992. And it says that "It is certified that V and G agree to love each other forever, blah blah... and Cupid is the witness to it". I have completely forgotten about that, it was one of the few things that my first boyfriend gave me back then... I had no idea something like that existed... It seems that when we splited I made a "time capsule" of all the things that were ours, and placed them together in a paper cocoon... It was moving to see the bundle and find things as if I were opening a treasure of golden coins... I have forgotten how thoughtful he could be when he wanted to be so... I so often just focus on the bad things that people have done to me... It still amazes me how, after 15 years of knowing each other, after 12 years of ups and downs, we can still look at each other and stir each other's emotions. Some things are beyond reason, beyond logic, beyond time and place... So many people have come between us, so many events and so many fights and misunderstandings... People and family did everything to separate us, to make us hate us... But what is true always win. Truth prevails no matter the odds. And so, just browsing the time capsule of "us" made me smile. A certificate of being a couple... LOL Damn, we were REALLY into us... And we still are...

Anyway... cleaned up, only a small spot in the closet still awaits for my grasp... Buahahahah... I placed my furrrrred stuffed animals in order, sort of. Will clean up the dolls and move things to create a more "designing" look maybe on Mon or Tue. I've done a lot on my so called "vacation". I think its time to go for the "enjoy yourself a little" weekend starting tomorrow...

May go to the movies tomorrow night. On Friday I'll see if I go to Tibes (indios ceremonial museum place), and at evening Trilogy invited me to a small school activity in a restaurant in Joyuda. Ohhh, our first going out activity in 10 years, the tear is coming down my temple... sniff sniff... LOL

I'll see if I can visit the Mayaguez Zoo on Saturday... haven't been there ever since I was in 5th grade! LOL Shame on me, this is my hometown,you know? :D On Sunday will try to visit El Faro, and later on El Calvo... it's been a while... So that's the master plan... Gotta go tomorrow morning to get my small paycheck to see if I can sponsor my plans, and/or if I need help! LOL

On other news, Groundelette will start school next week... YAYYYYYYYYY!!! She did her matricula today. She told us yesterday, that put me in a good mood. :)

Groundel is mad at me, I guess because I have been talking to/seeing Trilogy... Nothing is perfect.

Trilogy has final tests this week, so he's a bit stressed... But he can handle.

No word from Coriolis... I hope he didn't went to work on a strip joint...

Lucinda is also missing in action...

Ahhhhhh... Pretty tired, sleepy... Gotta do like a good kitty and take a catnap.

10-4

Last night I was REALLY annoyed because I did this looong rant and then I had a computer failure so I lost it... I HATE when I get hit by inspiration and then as easy it goes... Hmmm... Right now I only recall small pieces of what I was writing about... Let's see...

Groundelette: Again, matters of attitude that certainly pisses me off... Yes, I have a clan... But my clan is not about taking advantage of me BUT about sharing daily life one bump at a time... Her clan is all about action-suspence-deceit-drama-gossip-moredrama and most importantly, about using HER. I can't believe someone can be SO blind not to see that little BIG fact! I don't see why she calls them friends, ESPECIALLY that Fabio guy... True friends DO NOT act as her friends do. But I guess that until she gets a true friend then she won't know the difference. In the meantime, her following Fabio's ass one way or the other is starting to be irritating. If she doesn't put her life together, then she better be warned that I won't stand that kind of chaos in MY cave. Even her mom said it, that she was suppossed to come over here leaving all her shit in NJ, to start clean and do things for herself and her family. That has not been what I have seen and tasted. What I see and taste is she came here to get Fabio one way or the other, simply because it's been 3 months and she only moved for one week to get a job, and only because I was insisting on it. I gave her all the tools to do EVERYTHING. She hasn't gone to get government aids, she hasn't look for a job on her own, she doesn't even cooks for herself. All she does is wait around the house the whole day, playing in the PS for hours, cleaning once every week, and waiting until there is nobody home so she talks with Fabio or the guy from Ohio. I am VERY upset with this, because she is just "chuleando" and doing nothing more. All that is in her mind is getting a guy, nothing of more substance really... Studying... Ah... I don't think she will stand it when and if it comes... My belief in what she wanted to do at first is completely gone, as I have seen the true colors of things. She waits for her mother to send her money, and she's living the parasite's life. This is the truth. I asked her mother to send no more money. Geee, the woman has almost NOTHING and from that she spares some for her daughter... And her daughter is healthy, kicking, with 2 hands and 2 legs and can work for a living... I was wrong to say groundel was lazy, he just lacks motivation. But his sister, she IS lazy. And I am getting to the end of my rope BECAUSE the LAST thing I tolerate is lazyness... It brings out the WORST of me. So I hope she shapes up, move and do her thing. If not, I will put her ass in a plane, or she'll make her "dream"come true because she will have to go live at Fabio's house. I have been too nice and too kind, but I see no results on that. I guess that Vierna the Bitch is the only one that everyone hates BUT receives results...

With that off my mind, comes the issue of Trilogy and Groundel. First things first...

Trilogy: The one that keeps on wasting precious time, for he still does not see I am giving him a last chance... I am doing the things I must, but I won't get off my house just because of pretty words or promises. He needs consistency on what he wants. He needs to make time EVERYDAY for me, not just when he remembers. He needs to learn to send me emails just because, and call me just because, and invite me places and ask me to hang out with him... If he doesn't do that, then I won't follow his ass. I am beyong that period of time. I want to be the one followed, won, courted... I want to be treated as the woman I am, I want to feel respect and admiration. I simply do not get that from him. So I think it all should be his effort, if HE really wants to be with me... In the meantime, I am busy doing things that affect me directly like straightening out my own life... No men included on that issue.

Groundel: The more he tries the more he bothers me. I am not complicated, I am quite simple BUT it is just the fact that we are too different and there is no true understanding. Sometimes it is just fine that he's around, but when he start getting anoying I just need a breath of fresh air... He still hopes to gain my trust. That is another story... Maybe we still can be good friends... Maybe things can look up. I still don't know, I am not feeling like trusting ANY man around me.

Coriolis: I hope that he doesn't get mad at me. I am not chasing him, just stating some truths on my side and trying to be as supportive as I can. I expect nothing else but his friendship, and that is perfectly fine with me. Sometimes, when I get blue, I think of our past and I get upset about it but I am allowed to have some feelings! I am all about feelings, ain't I? LOL I hope he sees beyond my words and actions, and I trust he does... He is the only one that REALLY knows me. And I love him for that, and for making my life a better hell. :)

Kara: I hope that she gets to grab her ex by the balls and to tear them apart. That guy deserves jail. I would go to the feds and have him arrested. Girl, think about THAT. He needs a reality check.

AVO: Glad to witness that the trouble in paradise is smoothing out. :)

Zordak: Hope he's still with good vision after the alcohol incident... LOL Already missing you, pal! :)

MrFlach: Missing in action... I wonder if the Pet Rocks kidnapped him...

Well... I recall I ranted about feelings and love and stuff, but I ain't feeling so pink today... I was painting the bathroom and have to give it a second hand... So, I'm out of here...

10-4

Yesterday woke up to the beat of the phone... 11:30... A call from work in the starting days of my so-called vacation... But at least it was not to give bad news, but to remind me of a little extra cash that arrived after 4 months... About time, Damnit!

So, I was awake, called the hojalatero and got the news that my baby was alive and kicking... Zordak called at 1:00 and so he arrived later on to give me a lift. Always the gentleman, always funny. The guy never changes, amen to that. My baby was delivered to me in one piece, and even shiny and glowing! I couldn't believe it! It looked amazing! After a whole year, my car looks perfect. I felt I could kiss the hojalatero, but nah... LOL The other funny moment was that the guy asked Groundelette if she was praying or something, because she was looking to the floor and sooooooo quiet! LMFAO!!! Yup, she stared at him the way she does... But hey, it is the truth. She's got to learn to talk at least "socially"... How can she create some "acquaintances" if she always plays the mute? Ok, whatever...

The second funny thing was that the people at the auto body repair thought Zordak was my boyfriend... Oh, well... Guess he looks like the kind of guy that can wreck a car? LOL Or maybe they saw when he arrived with us at the place... Zordak can be a hazard in the streets! Yup, stick to magic, repeat STICK TO MAGIC... TELEPORT! The safe other way to go... Hmmm... Wrong choice of words...

Soooo... then it was off to the glass place so the car glass could be mounted. We waited for 15 minutes, Zordak and I catched up in some local news. Grundelette kept on being quiet... Guess that one will actually initiate a conversation when pigs fly! Anyway... The baby was delivered in my hands for a second time, and it looked like new. The joy had no description. I felt so happy I invited for a round of ale at the local bar! Ok, so actually I invited for a round of ice cream at BR, but hey it's almost the same delight (so I've been told). Zordak made his choice at once and we had to beat the choice out of Groundelette's mouth. Even for ice cream flavor she won't speak up... SHOOT ME! Finally, after 4 years I got a hold on a Mocha Blast... Yes, it's one of those pleasurable cold thinguies that I just love. I definitively enjoyed the moment. :) We had a nice little time at BR. Laughed a-lot.

Whenever Zordak is around is an instant time capsule... or more like time stops and we are back at were we left off. He's one of the few people I can stop seeing for a while but wish I could see everyday, all the time... And I wouldn't get tired of it. I consider him family. He's been there through good and bad times, listening to me, supporting me and bothering me as well. LOL Duh, only true friends are allowed that PRIVILEGE. ;) I know right now his life is "complicated" as he says it, but hey... don't come around twice a year! You can do a once a week at least, lazy ass! :) It is the daily nonsense that we shared for more than 8 years that bonds us forever. Live up to the memory! Besides, we are worth it. :) Zordak is my pride and joy. He was the one everyone picked on, and the one that moved forward and created his own life (besides myself). He is an example of where there is a will, ANYTHING can be done. He built himself by his own hands. I admire that, as he gained my full respect that way. I am VERY PROUD of my mage! Let the whole world know it! :D

Anyway, that was the Kodak Moment of the month. :) From BR we all departed. Was quite tired when I got home, so had a nice little nap and then went online for a while... Seems AVO is sorting things out with the Hottie. I hope so, the lady is got to realize one way or the other that AVO is very true in his ways, and that he is precious. She better not hurt him or I'll hunt her down and exterminate her! Hmph! ;)

Today, Lucinda's hubby passed by to take my baby for a walk... and so, another day without a car... Well, since boredom leads to creativity, I spent the day painting some walls in yellowish green and made a small mural in the living room. I may do the bathroom tomorrow, if I feel like it... Whatever. Lucinda passed by to take me to my baby, and so the quest is almost over. The car is happy inside-out. Now it just need a change of diapers... er... oil... and a change of shoes... er... tires... And that's about it. I am feeling wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee about that. The car had me stressed-out. At least now I know it is still the #1 dependable entity in my life. Yay!

Trilogy called during the afternoon. Today is the official 30 years of Dungeons & Dragons, and all around the world gamers would unite and play the same 3rd edition special module made for this event... Whatever. I love AD&D but I am an old-school 2nd edition fan, plus I believe in making your own stories and not playing something EVERYONE will be playing... Awwwwww... Dissapointed? Peter? Royal? Trilogy? Do not worry, there's eternity to play Dungeons... my way... ;)

LadyMex called too. She's still on the loop of the last time we went to SanGerman... Ahhhh... Like, move on, girl! And she said something of getting together for Halloween... Ahhhh... Like... You believe in making it a "United Nations" day so kids do not celebrate pagan things... I believe in having fun in a day dedicated to horror... FUN. F-U-N. No devil worshipping, no throwing rotten eggs, but FUN. And I kinda get a bit gothic on the special date... So I don't see how we can get together and celebrate without hindering each other's idea of what the day should be... Anyway... We'll see how THAT turns out... I have nothing against LadyMex, it's just that she makes a big deal out of things that do not require much deep thought... I am not complicated. I go with the flow. But the speech of me not knowing how it feels to have kids kinda pisses me off... It's always in the tip of her tongue... Ahhhhh!!! I do have something called COMMON SENSE. Plus, NEWSFLASH dear LadyMex: I was a kid once, years ago. I handled myself pretty well. I can handle kids as well.

Wow, looks like I have been quiet the whole day, huh? Shut me up! Hit me with a brick! LOL

10-4

The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good- natured, she thought: still it had verylong claws and a great many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect.

`Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. `Come, it's pleased so far,' thought Alice, and she went on. `Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'

`That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.

`I don't much care where--' said Alice.

`Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.

`--so long as I get somewhere,' Alice added as an explanation.

`Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk long enough.'

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another question. `What sort of people live about here?'

`In that direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round, `lives a Hatter: and in that direction,' waving the other paw, `lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad.'

`But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.

`Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'

`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.

`You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'

-Lewis Carrol, "Alice in Wonderland"

My car looks happy. Finally the outside is clean, glossy and damage-free. Amen! The glass was restored and the evil bump was straightened... Tomorrow to finish things off by repairing the internal issues. I'm glad that plan is coming together. :)

10-4

I walked for 1 1/2 hours today, from the hojalatero to my house... Fun long walk under the sun... I feel like a fried chicken, my skin is actually THERE... I may have got a small insolation, had a fever during the afternoon... At least my sickness is gone? LOL Ah, life...ain't it a bowl of cherries? Jah!

Went to the PO and got a package from China... Yup, my Disney movies came from China and I didn't wanted to break the packaging... LOL Used a razor to open it. Spent the whole afternoon watching Bambi, Sleeping Beauty, Alice in Wonderland, Lion King. Imagine my mood. :) And since I am feeling happy and pink, my dear Coriolis is feeling doomed, gloom and under the sink... Ah... talking lately about how things never change? Yup, it would take a cosmical catastrophy for us to get in the same mood after all... I guess that it is all about the balance of the Universe... Good vs Evil, Law vs Chaos, Blaze vs Coriolis... LOL We balance each other out. That's the trick of our neverending friendship, one is up to pick the other when the other is down, or one is down to drive the other crazy... :D Some Higher puppeteer is having fun with us at all times...

And as I fall asleep, one day my Prince Charming will wake me up with a kiss... And then we'll both send the dwarves to destroy humanity and build a nice sturdy castle so the Elves can decorate it and we can live happily ever after... LOL We are all allowed to dream, ain't we? And my dreams do not give up on perfection, as perfection can only happen when two halves meant for each other become one whole. And I wish that my other half would understand that little fact... But he's so stubborn that in his denying me, my memory has become frozen inside his heart of stone. I know my own little ghosts and my own little truths... I live my own little life as best as I can, and I build my actions on the base of love... inconditional, endless, timeless, true... And so I love as I do... And I am called mad because of that. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I must live up to my title, no? And a mad witch cannot be taken seriously by any man... or humanoid... Or so the Oracle says... So I guess I'll just go deeper in my madness, keep worshipping my cats and just live my present to the fullest as dreamland is an idea that was not made for me...

Yes, sometimes I get bitter about the things some people tell me... It is mostly that my people get me upside-down. My good intentions are easily misrepresented or misunderstood, and soon it all leads to cinders... I have the will and the desire but not the motivation to do certain things...

Trilogy has failed once more. I expected him to connect with me a bit more, but his lack of "reaching me" is leaving me without any will to do anything in his favor. I feel his words have been empty once more, and now with the excuse of having no time because of school... School never stopped me from seeing him daily years ago... So... Ah! I won't even get started there... I am not a toy that you can use or remember on occassion... I need presence, sharing, mind link, essence, thoughts, will, actions... He's getting over the no-studying phase BUT he's still not into the serious commitment attitude and I am too tired of it. Last time he walked with me from his house to my apartment it was a 2 hour walk of non-stop crying for me... Crying... Bitter crying for things he tells me, things he shows me and all in all how much he hurts me carelessly... As always... And from that night a part of me feels dead inside...

Groundel has been doing his normal stuff, working his ass off... Studying... Playing... Nothing different there. At least he is not arguing with anything... And he has been more supportive with his sister... He still hopes to change my mind, but expects the worst. He knows what's in my mind and heart... Time after...

Mixed feelings with some others, but I won't get there. One is banned from me and the other I choose to be banned from him... No more additions to my drama... Enough of that. Although "If I could turn back time, If I could find the way... You'll stay..." It's too late for second chances that in reality are thirds or fourths... I know how a failure causes an impact in relationships... Especially after Groundel failed me... Nothing was the same... So I know how the One feels... He said he never hated me, I guess I know what he meant... But the feeling that is left burns... Nothing is ever the same... He made the wise choice of ending it soon. If we had tried right away, then we would really HATE each other now. I look back and I still don't know why I failed him as I did, why I had no patience whatsoever... I became what I have always preached against. I can say that now, with the "other" point of view, and it saddens me. Thanks to me our lives were both screwed, he was left with the never-ending search and I was left without him. Do not bend your knee before dead gods... Fickle, arrogant, wicked... how much he chooses to ignore me, and how much I love him! He talks about his lonelyness and his emptyness, and all I want to do is go over there and just hold him tight... He tells me what he wants and is just the smallest part of what I want to give him. Do not bend your knee before dead gods... Yeah, thats the mental note I must keep for him... to keep my sanity... to have the strenght to fulfill one of my greatest promises... to help him go through his dark times, so he finds happiness. The greatest nothing that ever happenned to me... Ah, depressed ranting... I must stop watching Disney movies...

The one I choose to stay banned from could be the someone that makes my life happy... But some issues divides us... And it is better to keep our friendship than to hate each other for true... We argue a-lot... But our intense conversations are always worth it. My genius... I wish him happiness...

Love is the greatest deceit created by God so He has fun when He is bored... Love is the thing that means everything to you when you can't have it, and that you take for granted when it's at your side. It is the greatest of joys, and the greatest of dissapointments... Better to feel nothing... But then again, life would be worthless...

Whatever...

10-4

Another long day, basically because I was feeling so sick... Woke up with fever and runny nose... My luck... vacation and sickness goes always hand in hand... Anyway, managed to get on my car and go over to the hojalatero to get an estimate for repairing my car's window. That will be tomorrow's morning deal: First stop go and leave my car at the hojalatero's place, then the second dilemma will be the looooong walk to get to my apartment... and wait for a call in the afternoon so I walk all the way back to get the car... We'll see how that turns out... I'll get the window fixed (better say glued) on Friday, so on Friday night I can leave my car with Lucinda so on Saturday her hubby takes it to his repair place and do the motor... So I hopefully will have my car almost complete by Saturday afternoon... After that, it will be a matter of getting the tires and the marbete by the end of month... And then I can safely say my car will be up to more years of punishment. LOL Yup, this is "Feeding the car's ego" week. He deserves it. He has served me for 6 years and has not failed me... and I have travelled through hell and back! I love my car even if I don't show, we have a bond... My precious, the only thing I truly own, the only thing I can call mine... My own... My preciousssssssssssssssssss...

So, basically that's what I've been up to... Finding ways to fix the car, and doing window shopping so I don't just stay at home buried in my bed (that would make me sicker). Next week I hope I can get to paint my room at my aunt's and put things together over there. Can't even think of it right now, she doesn't like me to go visit when I am sick... Funny, huh? So... Maybe I'll just design something in the living room... Who knows, when I get bored and sick it is a dangerous combination... I get to paint the unpaintable and change the unchangeable... Buahahahahah... Plus the Halloween vein needs blood... It's asking for it... And my gothic tendencies ask for retribution as well... I must obey. :)

Kitties misbehaving, everything else quiet... I'm tired and achy, so I shall write no more. Live long and prosper! ;)

10-4

Been quite a day... Woke up with fever. Sent Groudelette to get me some pills since there was nothing here... Slight scare of no water, but then it came back at 10 or so... Then this thing with Favio... Groundelette should not speak to the guy after being so thoughtless and careless about her! Anyway, took her to the mall, and spent the whole afternoon windowshopping (no money no boloni). Came back and after a while Fabio makes an appearance. Took him into a small trip about the real world... I HOPE he gets the POINTS I tried to make him SEE. If not, next time I won't be so civil or polite, because I WAS polite and only speaking the TRUTH. Anyway, off he goes and Groundelette is left crying... After eating, Groundel got up and went to speak with her... Dunno what he said, at least I heard her laughing and she stopped crying . I stayed away, digging myself in some serious cyber-search for slipcovers for my sofas... The cats have been having too much fun lately :)

Being a mother is a tough, nasty job... DAMNIT

On other news, Zordak appeared last night in my cave. It was absolute FUN. We all had a good time. I wish he would drop by more frequently, his company is really precious to me. One of the few people that always puts me in a good mood no matter what. At least some things never change! :)

Trilogy called today saying that he had been calling my work by mistake for the past 2 days... Hmmm... Ok... Then His father appears drunk and he had to hang up... Yup, things that never change... This one sucks... Oh, well...

No word from Coriolis... Must be wandering in the 5th dimension...

And that's about it... I'm still feeling sick but by now I'm used to it. LOL

10-4

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added: "Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses. "You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world." And the roses were very much embarassed. "You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.

And he went back to meet the fox. "Goodbye," he said.

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."

"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

-Antoine de Saint Exupéry, "The Little Prince"

This small book is my favorite book of all times. I read it once each year, and every time it gives insight upon so many things... This part, where the fox gives the lesson of what friendship is, is always my favorite. I dedicate this to my cherished flowers: Lucinda, Coriolis, Groundel, Zordak, Joe and Trilogy. It is the time that I have wasted on you that makes you so important... I love you all. :)

Slow weekend. Have not felt like doing much... Basically hibernated and watched some rented movies... Hidalgo was ok, but horses are not my fav topic for entertainment... Shaolin Soccer was hilarious, reminded me of Ranma 1/2... KillBill2 I really liked, I just LOVE the Bride character (although Umma doesn't really look good or healthy... and from other movies and tv seems the girl is a walking corpse!). Began watching Johny Q on tv but had to go before the movie finished...

Today woke up at 1:30pm... Was raining so I had no option but to play with Fireworks and surf the net for a looooooong while... I sacrificed myself, you know... ;) And here I am... Not sleepy, a bit tired...

Feeling: Confused, psychedout, neglected, forgotten, jealous, contradictory, choice-impaired, random, conglomerate thoughts, contempt, free

Looking: Awesomely ravashingly beautiful

Thinking: About many colorful projects

Wishing: For True Love to be Real instead of such a Dream

Having: Brain damage

10-4

Last day of work, at least for this month. Nothing is THAT perfect! :P Anyway… Been solving some problems… more like gathering information on problems that are not mine to solve… It’s funny, but everyone has the same problems yet somehow the information was biased towards the facts that problems were individual and that they were my fault somehow… Hmmm… Good to see Palas Athenea helping me out with ker Knowledge. Yayyy! And Nike shall prevail! This I command! :)

So what’s the summary up to? Let’s see:

Well, AVO is having the Time of his Life with his Hottie. Hope that things works out. He deserves to get the best gal in the Area Metro, after all he has given enough to Life and it’s time for Life to payback, DAMNIT! LOL Nothing like putting all his talents to play as well… The guy is one of my favorite creators. He has a never-ending knack for raw talent in everything he creates both musically and in writtings. He’s definitively the greatest Diva. :D

Coriolis may be or may be not coming to visit this weekend. It all depends on Fate’s fickleness. Between work, his mom and the house, he’s gotta take a break to breath and live in Dungeons!

Groundelette will spend the weeking taking care of Fabio’s mother since he will go on camp… Yes, the slave obeys the master without any buts… He would not talk to her, but he did came to ask that of her. I simply don’t get WHY WHY WHY she puts up with being used all the time. It drives me insane!!!

Groundel has been working hard this week, and has crossed little words with me. And has been stuck to the playstation daily while not studying… Changing habits… Now THAT would be a fairy tale! Whatever. I just surf the net and then sleep. Not much to do there anyway.

Lucinda has been missing in action… I fear that somehow she got stuck in a cave or maybe a rocky slide finished her life! Right… Our lovely Tomb Raider has been putting up with school, and work, and the kids, and the hubby… So its definitively Understandable, Understandable… Just a bit Reprehensible… ;)

No word from Trilogy, and seems that he denies the fact that it is easier to contact me within the net than trying to get a hold of me at home… I have a saying that If you wanna find ME, YOU will find ME no matter what, where or when. Soooo… Try a little harder. I have done my move in this game of chess. It is your turn…

And so, when the clock turns 4:30pm I will be FREE from the Society Compulsory Obligation of Working for a Living… Until Halloween. Yup, half a month, sort of… It’s the first time I spend so many days in a row, in these four years I always took a week only each three months, so I guess that’s why I don’t feel I’ve been on vacation… Whatever… I’ll be doing some serious house cleaning in the next days. And it will extend to my rooms at my aunt’s house. Some decoration plans, and more… Jejeje… Let’s see how the plans unfold…

My feelings: Contempt, bittersweet, thoughtful, introspective, happy-go-lucky, hopeful, dreamy, tired, compassionate, demanding, battling, courageous, strong, decisive, intuitive, bardic… Take it or leave it.

This is me, how I like to be:
Take it or leave it!

I am free, how I like to be:
Take it or Leave it!

Take it or Leave it!
-Misfits (the Jem kind, ;P)

10-4

“La libertad sólo existe cuando el amor está presente. Quien se entrega totalmente, quien se siente libre, ama al máximo.”
-Paulo Coelho, “Once minutos”

“La otra parte es ni más ni menos que la otra mitad perdida de nosotros mismos, nuestro complemento. Es otro ser imperfecto como nosotros, pero que a nuestro lado y con su luz, hace que todo se perfeccione e ilumine a nuestro alrededor.”

“Somos responsables por reunir nuevamente, por lo menos una vez en cada encarnación, a la otra parte que con seguridad se cruzará en nuestro camino. Aunque sea por unos instantes siquiera; porque esos instantes traen un amor tan intenso que justifica el resto de nuestros días.”

-Paulo Coelho, “Brida”

Got a weird call from Coriolis, at work, saying that I was just calling him... ??? I was not near the phone the whole morning, so I guess my evil twin sister is playing tricks on us? LOL No, I'm not loosing it yet, damnit!

Long day. Thanks to a "huelga" at "Colegio" I wasted 1 1/2 hours of my life in an endless "tapón". Gosh! And in the middle of the rain, my car's windshield broke... I went from Mayaguez to SGerman almost as blind as a bat... Hmmm... Well, the sonar is working pretty well...

Yesterday Trilogy called. He was in the middle of the big adventure of going over to the mall and getting a uniform for his "Turismo" classes... jehjehjeh... Going back to your Boy Scout years, pal? ;P That was quite hilarious, he was not happy about it... I can imagine... Him being the anarkist and all... It will be a nice thing to get to see him in nice pants, long shirt and tie... His good twin brother?

Today, arrived quite beated from work. Had enough energy to just put my boots in order... LOL Like I have this HUGE amount of boots, right? Anyway... Kitties behaving, Groundelette treated us to some chinese food, and strangled time changing the look of my little corner of the net... Trying to amuse the few puppets that read this... Ahem... Friends. :D

Gotta go take a bath and go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep... Oh, yeah! ;)

10-4

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and I could say, "I used everything that you gave me."

- Erma Bombeck


Yesterday had to go to Aguadilla to fix some stuff, no system there... The guy from the phone company turned of the router... No comments... Anyhow, the day went fast and smooth... Had a bit of a heated experience with a call, but hey, a day without one conmotion is not a day... I guess...

Talked briefly with Trilogy. Sounds ok to me. I didn't knew that Groundel and him kinda met on Friday, Groundel didn't told me. Trilogy was scared of calling because he thought that would bring trouble over me... ???? Why? Oh, the little mind... I forget... Men has a way of seeing things, territorial stuff. Whatever. I didn't go too deep on the conversation... Want to take my time with that. Want to see if it's possible to get to know each other again, to have fun and laughs. But time is a key factor. It's gonna be difficult to not assume things, with the big bad baggage of experiences of 15 years in the making... but it is worth the try. It is important to be friends, and that takes patience and compromise... We'll see what happens...

Groundel seems to be on either denial stage or the same "I'll do everything so I get her again" phase... It's always the same. Forgive my lack of joy but I have been there, seen that... After he gets the chance he always cools off and returns to his normal behavior... So forgive me if I don't believe in the imagery or the "pretty picture". Too many chances, too many failures... I hope he gets the reality check soon. I want to be alone. Right now, nothing he can do can change my mind on that. I need to see things from the "fresh" point of view. I need to be in my corner, watching. That's how I feel... like being the silent witness to everything around me. I don't wanna take part in anything... Just watch... And learn...

Coriolis made a sound move towards happiness. I am very proud of him. He may be a bastard to some, but I know the Care Bear inside of him, and the gloves that he was trying to put on simply did not fit him. I am glad he came to realize some things are very important... His mother deserves the prize, that much I do know. Fuck everyone else's opinion.

Lucinda took 4 tests yesterday... Yikes... I remember how tense that was... LOL

Groundelette did the laundry yesterday... Amen to that. I was scared I would get home and she'll run around naked! :O LOL

Back to work... Let's see how the morning unfolds...

10-4

Sunday: Woke up late, and browsed the mall for mandatory goodies. Got a pair of combat boots to cheer me up. Visited auntie dearest and el calvo, and back home to sleep... I am so tired! Work is draining my life-force! LOL Whatever...

No word from Trilogy yet. If he called he never leaves messages, so I cannot tell... I hope that this time he makes time to allow himself to pop-up in daily life and say hello... at least... We'll see what the storm leaves behind...

Groundel still do not get some facts... Some things are tiresome... Whatever... Things happen for a purpose.

Groundelette is trying to accept her facts about Favio, but somehow never gives up...

Coriolis still hunting for a new lair... He almost had one, but saw another and will be investigating today. Good luck with the house-hunt!

Nothing of further interest... Will be on vacation from next week until Halloween... Yay!!! I hope I can do some changes in my rooms at auntie's house. I want to paint the Barbies room, and create a nice display for them. :) Oh, and to finally finish Mistra's place of rest...

10-4

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky as we walk in fieldss of gold

So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of Barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of Barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold

I never mad promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in fields of gold

We'll walk in fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can thell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold

When we walked in fields of gold

When we walked in fields of gold

-Sting, "Fields of gold"

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?

I believe it's meant to be, darling
I watch you when you are sleeping, you belong with me
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Or is this burning an eternal flame?

Say my name, sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely
And then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling, oh

Say my name, sun shines through the rain
A whole life so lonely
And then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling, oh

Close your eyes, give me your hand
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Or is this burning an eternal flame?

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Aah! An eternal flame?

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?
Is this burning an eternal flame?

-Bangles, "Eternal Flame"

Went with my sister (yes, I have a sister... two actually, and two more brothers...thank you very much)to Ponce. It was suppossed to be a day to get what I needed for the wedding, BUT given the current wherabouts it was a day for eating out, shopping and fun. We stopped in Yauco and ate a yummy calzone. Then to Ponce to go near La Guancha and to Plaza del Caribe... I got some stuff at HT and she got some shoes. On the way back we stopped at BK and then at her godmother's to get her hubby. I almost just arrived here... The welcome was not too warm... Basically I felt completely ignored but I guess I should get used to it from now on... Coriolis had called, will try contacting him soon...

Well... Back to reality... All in all... It was a good day. And yesterday was a good night. Hopefully the days from now on will bring a gift, each one... on their own. I am not pushing it.

Already missing Trilogy... my Beast.

10-4

Ok, so this is an insane version of the Village People... Be patient, it is worth the wait. :P http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/tribute/

Ok, after that sidenote... To the daily news. Sort of...

Lucinda called. She was spooked to hear me making funny noises... What? I am suppossed to be screaming or killing people all the time? Well, hate to dissappoint the audience but even sorrowful me takes a break now and then to actually laugh! :) Well... Einstein's dog was killed last night by an unknown car... She was to look for a pet-replacement since she was giving some responsability therapy to the kid using the dog... I highly advised putting a fence before getting yet ANOTHER pet... But hey, who listens to the weirdo?

Then Coriolis called... Another one that complained about me sounding happy... Helloooooo people? Lighten up! Anyway... He and his bitches... Literally... His lady dog had babies last night... He's pondering about creating a blog and a webpage of himself... Finally he got that there's no better way to boost your ego than watching yourself on the web, I guess! LOL Ah, he probably is VERY bored... we all know the truth, don't we?

Well... Went for a long walk after work. Gathered food and visited Trilogy on the way. It was really nice to finally be able to spend some minutes with him, been quite a while since I last saw him. He was not such an ass this time. We actually had a decent quasi-conversation and he showed me some funny funky stuff that he has on his PC. My favorites were the weird artwork, funny thing that Trilogy had not noticed the heart of the "heart" lady. :P Anyway, he walked me home and then went away. Odd not to hear any complaint about walking from his side... Odd not to hear any complaint at all, as a matter of fact. Guess he's really trying to stick to the "no more bull" policy. That's a start, and a change. Let's see for how long it lasts.

Trying to get some movies online... And checking other deals... Feeding the habit...

10-4

It is not that I am an Ice Queen, it is call "protective mode". Complete shutdown to emotions is necessary to take some steps... And it is a big bother when people do not understand that. Sometimes the more they try, the more they fail... Sometimes it is not a matter of failing, but a matter of being annoying... I want to be left alone, is that so hard to understand? I want to be able to breathe the air around me, and enjoy the sound of silence. There's been noise for too long, for too many years... I want to be deaf and blind and mute... I want to become still, and echo the volcanoes when they sleep. I wish a retreat could be easier than it looks, but all has to be slow... In the end everything falls in place, we all go back to the shadows where we belong...

I am not as upset as I expected. I feel relieved of a big burden, because it all took the shape of a great burden. I feel a bittersweet ambience around me... An era is fading away. That much I know. And some just won't let go... This sums up how I feel...



Ah desgraciado si el dolor te abate,
Si el cansancio tus miembros entumece...
Haz como el árbol seco: Reverdece!
O como el germen enterrado: Late!

Resurge, alienta, grita, anda, combate,
vibra, ondula, retruena, resplandece!
Haz como el río con la lluvia: Crece!
Y como el mar contra la roca: Bate!

De la tormenta al iracundo empuje,
No has de balar como el cordero triste
sino rugir como la fiera ruge!

Levántate, revuélvete, resiste!
Haz como el toro acorralado: Muge!
O como el toro que no muge: Embiste!

-José de Diego, "En la Brecha"

10-4

Yesterday was the goodbye to one of the co-workers. I helped decorating, making the mural... The guy was not one of my biggest joys, but I guess I will miss his constant anoying me with "You got to integrate to the group" speech...

Well, people have taken so-so the decision. I guess most expected that, from my writings and from witnessing the behaviors of the ogre and the half-snake. Groundel seems sad, but is not talking about it. He just keeps playing video games, as usual. And working. And "studying". He's never into deep conversations, and he's definitively not into sharing his thoughts... And my crystal ball is too cluttered with many images so I don't wanna look. I need peace and quiet. I need solitude. I need to become untouchable. I need to wander alone in the woods, to hum my mantras and just to be... I would like to visit El Faro and stay up there seated, just watching the sea, just feeling the breeze taking away all my thoughts... But got to fix my car first. I need to get in touch with an old friend that I have missed alot... myself. Gotta do some cleaning, gotta put things in order, gotta do the Great Clean Sweep... And then, gotta try to make my own destiny...

10-4