...
Days are going by slowly. The chilly madness is suddenly replaced by hot days that are unnerving. Some help may come in disguise as we still quarrel for the neverending task of finding THE job… In the meantime, being minions will do… Baby is well, hubby is well. All alive and kicking, I think…
I’m increasingly sad. I dislike the current situation of nowhere to run to nowhere to hide, but much to face and conquer. Played the fight so well, but now the plateau denominated “waiting game”is driving me insane. Looking for something to keep the sanity check, finding solace in beloved Lady of Sorrows and journaling, but still… The uncertainty of it all is beyond frustrating. The living one day at a time means no real control lay in your hands, so you must outwit whatever is thrown your way… Oh, the thrill of the uncertain! For a while it’s nice, but it has its price…
The appreciation of what you have changes. The deliverance from the superfluous to the important is both intoxicating and chaotic. Each morning we face a sunrise hoping a miracle lives on. Each afternoon we guard the miracle and marvel in its radiance, in its defiant truth… Each sunset brings along the belief that must keep burning within our zenith… A belief that struggles against the enemies of despair, of destiny… It is a paradox to look into life and know the imminence of death, up close and personal! It is important the here and now, the making of… the journey. It all is in our face, it all brings the greatest of beauties, and the most terrible of pains. This is our daily truth, our daily conflict, our daily despair, our daily hope… To acknowledge a heart full of lovely sunrises and sunsets, to acknowledge a heart entwined in thorns.
I live the greatness of love. I live the greatest horror. Day by day the rose let go of a petal… One by one a lovely road towards oblivion takes shape… lovely shape, lovely perfumed shape wrapped by mystery and shadows. Nothing else to do, but to trust and go on… to believe and live for real. Fear is the greatest enemy of everything and everyone… Fear destroys hope, destroy possibilities, destroys what can be and has not been yet… It is fear we must battle so we can smile through it all, so the miracle keeps its beauty, so the meaning of life keeps on revealing itself to us. And it is not easy at all… Wondering why is a waste of time. Scheming the end is pointless. The goal must be ongoing, else everything could fall…
When there is too much time to actually think, you realize it is better not to… Because thinking will drive you mad. Sometimes it is better to keep doing… to keep swimming… So strength and will keep on being pillars in your heart. So the journey blinds you with its razzle-dazzle… So an alternate reality can be cast at will.
10-4
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Update
...
Passed drug test so they'll call in the middle of June or something to take orientation thinguie... Should be working in July. Yipee, or something. Grateful about it, don't get me wrong, I just wished I could find something art related, not techie... Eeeeck! Good point: I'll get updated in matters of operating systems and software... which is good. I was in a rot for a while.
Finance places driving me crazy with their neverending calls! Geesh! I explain the same crap almost DAILY... Customer care, my ass! One out of three is trying to work things out... The other two... Not polite. They even mentioned using the fundraising money to pay them. Ok... Where the "it's not my money, and it is for medical baby emergencies" is completely ignored... (Sight) And I'm sorry, but we cannot touch Deedee's money because we KNOW she will need MORE than that!
No clothing yet... (Sight) At least I know I'll have to wear an uniform, which is GREAT! I'm all for uniforms. It makes things easier. Hubby left some laundry at the laundry place by mistake, so I've got even less clothing... I hop that the right boxes arrive soon. Three were delivered last Sunday, all of them by chance had Deedee's clothing and stuff. Nothing for me. Positive side: Deedee has enough until her birthday. Con: I am starting a Ferengi wife clothing line...
House, still an afterthought. The realtor has not moved much, the bank made my life miserable to send me the stupid cancelation balance, and the potential buyer may have changed his mind after a month and a half has passed... And I need to sell in less than a month, May is not paid. We all know what that can mean...
Groundel had an operation yesterday. The doctor cut some bone, did something to his Achiles heel and some insitions in his leg... Night of the Living Dead, take six? (Sight) Talked with him before midnight, he seemed to be bearing with it all... Send good vibes his way, please!
Baby is fine so far, hubby is fine so far, and the dark cold days have been replaced by sunny cold days... Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
10-4
Passed drug test so they'll call in the middle of June or something to take orientation thinguie... Should be working in July. Yipee, or something. Grateful about it, don't get me wrong, I just wished I could find something art related, not techie... Eeeeck! Good point: I'll get updated in matters of operating systems and software... which is good. I was in a rot for a while.
Finance places driving me crazy with their neverending calls! Geesh! I explain the same crap almost DAILY... Customer care, my ass! One out of three is trying to work things out... The other two... Not polite. They even mentioned using the fundraising money to pay them. Ok... Where the "it's not my money, and it is for medical baby emergencies" is completely ignored... (Sight) And I'm sorry, but we cannot touch Deedee's money because we KNOW she will need MORE than that!
No clothing yet... (Sight) At least I know I'll have to wear an uniform, which is GREAT! I'm all for uniforms. It makes things easier. Hubby left some laundry at the laundry place by mistake, so I've got even less clothing... I hop that the right boxes arrive soon. Three were delivered last Sunday, all of them by chance had Deedee's clothing and stuff. Nothing for me. Positive side: Deedee has enough until her birthday. Con: I am starting a Ferengi wife clothing line...
House, still an afterthought. The realtor has not moved much, the bank made my life miserable to send me the stupid cancelation balance, and the potential buyer may have changed his mind after a month and a half has passed... And I need to sell in less than a month, May is not paid. We all know what that can mean...
Groundel had an operation yesterday. The doctor cut some bone, did something to his Achiles heel and some insitions in his leg... Night of the Living Dead, take six? (Sight) Talked with him before midnight, he seemed to be bearing with it all... Send good vibes his way, please!
Baby is fine so far, hubby is fine so far, and the dark cold days have been replaced by sunny cold days... Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
10-4
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
At week's middleground...
Neverland still floats... just like sh...
FAMILY:
Baby doing just fine, with the mask and without it. Hubby behaving pleasantly and limiting his playing time...amen... plus looking for a job. Auntie alive and kicking, mommy as well. Maybe the Texas crew will be here next weekend, if it all goes as they planned. No news from the Olivieris, no new from the Florida Clan.
FRIENDS:
Groundel happily receiving the 5 star treatment at the hospital, as usual. He should ponder getting some shares in there... or getting a job in there... Who knows, since by now they know him so well... :P It all looked very bad the first days, but slightly it all is heading towards same infection he always gets because his half-foot is not sealed... Hopefully nothing new-er. Maybe he'll be out by Father's Day...
LightShadow getting around, doing the amazing things she does with the little time she has... Wow! Talk about magical abilities! (Or the abilities of the undead...
Coriolis still out there in the Twilight Zone... Hello? Echo!!!!!
Just found out about a very old friend that was lost in translation... but that is still alive and doing a very good job at surviving! :P Zolanch, glad to meet you again, and again, and again... It is funny that whenever a major change occurs, she appears. Imagine this: She was even there the day I was born! And she was not even born yet! Talk about synchronicity!
Recently added Lynnette's blog to the little witch's and mine... I always forgot to do so, but hey, FINALLY... And she is someone who always write something interesting! Alas!
ME:
Finally ventured out yesterday, took the bus on my own and didnt get lost. Finally got an interview... High odds that I'll be hired in a very ironic place (LS advises may be called upon)... Got chocolate cake and chocolate ice-cream for Mother's Day, a crystal base with magic beads and a baby going berserk with the diapers. What else could I ask for?
Actually, I could ask for a little more intervention from friendly neighbors... Yup, some interaction would be good... Oh, well. Just got 3 fine art posters that I ordered for the living room: Romeo&Juliet (as the one in my wedding invitations), The Accolade (lady knighting a squire) and The Crystall Ball (witchy fortune lady staring into crystal ball). These are classics paintings, should give some character to the place. Hopefully Lulu will be able to send me my posters from my ex-office, would love Vincent in the room's door... Yup, still a poster person...
Got some poster-papers so I will do some Ariel-Tinkerbell art for Deedee's room. Finally! Yup, it took long to simply find them! That should provide some entertainment for the next 2 days...
Also, got a scrapbooking program. Simple but it will help. La vena me la pide.
I just got very disturbed by Sora singing with Donald Duck and Ariel... I have seen everything now!
10-4
FAMILY:
Baby doing just fine, with the mask and without it. Hubby behaving pleasantly and limiting his playing time...amen... plus looking for a job. Auntie alive and kicking, mommy as well. Maybe the Texas crew will be here next weekend, if it all goes as they planned. No news from the Olivieris, no new from the Florida Clan.
FRIENDS:
Groundel happily receiving the 5 star treatment at the hospital, as usual. He should ponder getting some shares in there... or getting a job in there... Who knows, since by now they know him so well... :P It all looked very bad the first days, but slightly it all is heading towards same infection he always gets because his half-foot is not sealed... Hopefully nothing new-er. Maybe he'll be out by Father's Day...
LightShadow getting around, doing the amazing things she does with the little time she has... Wow! Talk about magical abilities! (Or the abilities of the undead...
Coriolis still out there in the Twilight Zone... Hello? Echo!!!!!
Just found out about a very old friend that was lost in translation... but that is still alive and doing a very good job at surviving! :P Zolanch, glad to meet you again, and again, and again... It is funny that whenever a major change occurs, she appears. Imagine this: She was even there the day I was born! And she was not even born yet! Talk about synchronicity!
Recently added Lynnette's blog to the little witch's and mine... I always forgot to do so, but hey, FINALLY... And she is someone who always write something interesting! Alas!
ME:
Finally ventured out yesterday, took the bus on my own and didnt get lost. Finally got an interview... High odds that I'll be hired in a very ironic place (LS advises may be called upon)... Got chocolate cake and chocolate ice-cream for Mother's Day, a crystal base with magic beads and a baby going berserk with the diapers. What else could I ask for?
Actually, I could ask for a little more intervention from friendly neighbors... Yup, some interaction would be good... Oh, well. Just got 3 fine art posters that I ordered for the living room: Romeo&Juliet (as the one in my wedding invitations), The Accolade (lady knighting a squire) and The Crystall Ball (witchy fortune lady staring into crystal ball). These are classics paintings, should give some character to the place. Hopefully Lulu will be able to send me my posters from my ex-office, would love Vincent in the room's door... Yup, still a poster person...
Got some poster-papers so I will do some Ariel-Tinkerbell art for Deedee's room. Finally! Yup, it took long to simply find them! That should provide some entertainment for the next 2 days...
Also, got a scrapbooking program. Simple but it will help. La vena me la pide.
I just got very disturbed by Sora singing with Donald Duck and Ariel... I have seen everything now!
10-4
Thursday, May 08, 2008
FREE at Last
I may have some strange powers, or something... but as I wrote the latest post, my grandfather died. So, finally he is at peace with his loved ones and without any hurt or pain... Free at last. Just as it was done with his wife, he wont be placed in a funeral place, but cremated today so he'll be taken to the grave in a small urn... No days for people to visit him and mourn him, no days to reminisce on his memory and life... I have nothing against cremation BUT I am completely against doing just that. I think a corpse should be placed in a chapel so family and friends can say goodbye, so prayers can be done properly... then cremation, then burying... ANd then the mandatory rosaries. That choice of simply paying for a mass dedicated to the memory of people is stupid. To me it has no value. To me, praying the rosary while guarding the corpse and afterwards is the real way of bringing light to the spirit. Paying for a mass has no real emotional value. That is my humble opinion, which no one has asked for, I know.
So... I am REALLY worried about Auntie now. I know she is alone over there in the island, and no one else really cares about it. To each with their contience...
Still no news about Steve. I am really worried about him. I hope that someone, ANYONE, is taking care of at least bringing some snacks to him... His " i dont want to bother anyone" themesong places him in the hospital... I know...
If I had the money to do so, I would solve everything. But I dont, so I cant... My thoughts and prayers are with all of those who need me.
10-4
So... I am REALLY worried about Auntie now. I know she is alone over there in the island, and no one else really cares about it. To each with their contience...
Still no news about Steve. I am really worried about him. I hope that someone, ANYONE, is taking care of at least bringing some snacks to him... His " i dont want to bother anyone" themesong places him in the hospital... I know...
If I had the money to do so, I would solve everything. But I dont, so I cant... My thoughts and prayers are with all of those who need me.
10-4
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
AND NOW, A DEFINITE UPDATE
... amen...
FAMILY
In Puerto Rico noone can hear you scream… That should be the slogan for them. Ugh! Sheez! Why? Simple:
Grandfather is almost dying at that home in which he was placed. Not taken good care of. Not living just being barely kept alive. Not recognizing auntie, not opening much his eyes, and doctors are not optimistic about his future… A death foretold. But sincerely, THAT would be the best thing for him. Being forgotten in a home with onle a mandatory visit a month, a quick one, is not worth living. He needs to be with his wife and with his mother and father… Enough is enough.
Auntie: Noone visits her… Noone but LightShadow and Groundel when they go to check the cats, and once a month when my mother shows up to take her to the grocery store. Now she’s missing us. She thinks we’ll be over there soon… I wish. What Deedee needs is not in PR… It is the only thing that truly saddens me, not being able to be there for her as she deserves. Many times I wonder what to do, as I KNOW she needs me. We fight all the time, but we love each other the same way…
Uncle: Undergo an operation which was successful and is recovering in SJ. As usual, I know now but noone said anything about the operation, etc… Communication… None… Nothing changes…
Mother: Not so well, as she and her hubby are STILL with the skin illness, plus diabetic trademarks. But, since one tells them what to do and they don’t do it…
Florida Uncle: Has called various times to check up on Deedee’s status. My cousin has called him also trying to find out wherabouts. That’s surprising.
Everyone else: Haven’t heard much of anyone else. Maybe people got sucked into a black hole or something
FRIENDS
Groundel is in the hospital again. Well, he was off it for 4 months… So I guess it was due. Not taking his insulin and not telling people what he should… What to do, what to do… He’s at Perea, Room 308. Please call/visit him, he needs all the support he can get. And it drives me psycho not being able to be there….
LightShadow: Working/working/working/caring for her mom/ caring for everyone else/ working…
Coriolis: Missing in action. Don’t know what his problem is, and since he won’t tell or call back, I guess I’ll never know. I don’t get such behaviour from someone who used to call me “ best friend”… Guess that’s what happens when you are forced to live in someone’s house for 3 months…
CATS
Being kept plump and happy by auntie. The report from Groundel and LS is that they are ok. I wonder if they miss me… My Kyonene… My Isis, Crow, Set, Kali, Roxy, Michita, Cyric… What to do, what to do…
BABY
Happy, using nasal mask 20 hours a day, mask-free 4-5 hours a day, stable, plump and amazing us day by day
HUBBY
Taking care of baby, looking for a job, filling out forms for government aids, making things happen. I’m proud of my mage, he’s been growing up, coping with things, coping with demanding me. Always keeping the focus of us, of his beloved family, of what is best for Deedee. Circunstance has made a man out of him.
ME
Sometimes hopeful and happy, many times feeling isolated and lonely. Being confined to 4 walls with noone to talk to but baby and hubby… The help is getting here, but it is not the same… Psycho about getting a job, psycho about baby’s care. Hating the weather changes. Hating some people’s cold shoulder. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and this is not a picnic… There is purpose and goal, so the way will reveal itself in time. I wonder about the decisions, about if this was the best choice… But no question about one thing: Baby is better because of the care in here. True friends have been revealed, and hope keeps fueling my will.
Any questions?
FAMILY
In Puerto Rico noone can hear you scream… That should be the slogan for them. Ugh! Sheez! Why? Simple:
Grandfather is almost dying at that home in which he was placed. Not taken good care of. Not living just being barely kept alive. Not recognizing auntie, not opening much his eyes, and doctors are not optimistic about his future… A death foretold. But sincerely, THAT would be the best thing for him. Being forgotten in a home with onle a mandatory visit a month, a quick one, is not worth living. He needs to be with his wife and with his mother and father… Enough is enough.
Auntie: Noone visits her… Noone but LightShadow and Groundel when they go to check the cats, and once a month when my mother shows up to take her to the grocery store. Now she’s missing us. She thinks we’ll be over there soon… I wish. What Deedee needs is not in PR… It is the only thing that truly saddens me, not being able to be there for her as she deserves. Many times I wonder what to do, as I KNOW she needs me. We fight all the time, but we love each other the same way…
Uncle: Undergo an operation which was successful and is recovering in SJ. As usual, I know now but noone said anything about the operation, etc… Communication… None… Nothing changes…
Mother: Not so well, as she and her hubby are STILL with the skin illness, plus diabetic trademarks. But, since one tells them what to do and they don’t do it…
Florida Uncle: Has called various times to check up on Deedee’s status. My cousin has called him also trying to find out wherabouts. That’s surprising.
Everyone else: Haven’t heard much of anyone else. Maybe people got sucked into a black hole or something
FRIENDS
Groundel is in the hospital again. Well, he was off it for 4 months… So I guess it was due. Not taking his insulin and not telling people what he should… What to do, what to do… He’s at Perea, Room 308. Please call/visit him, he needs all the support he can get. And it drives me psycho not being able to be there….
LightShadow: Working/working/working/caring for her mom/ caring for everyone else/ working…
Coriolis: Missing in action. Don’t know what his problem is, and since he won’t tell or call back, I guess I’ll never know. I don’t get such behaviour from someone who used to call me “ best friend”… Guess that’s what happens when you are forced to live in someone’s house for 3 months…
CATS
Being kept plump and happy by auntie. The report from Groundel and LS is that they are ok. I wonder if they miss me… My Kyonene… My Isis, Crow, Set, Kali, Roxy, Michita, Cyric… What to do, what to do…
BABY
Happy, using nasal mask 20 hours a day, mask-free 4-5 hours a day, stable, plump and amazing us day by day
HUBBY
Taking care of baby, looking for a job, filling out forms for government aids, making things happen. I’m proud of my mage, he’s been growing up, coping with things, coping with demanding me. Always keeping the focus of us, of his beloved family, of what is best for Deedee. Circunstance has made a man out of him.
ME
Sometimes hopeful and happy, many times feeling isolated and lonely. Being confined to 4 walls with noone to talk to but baby and hubby… The help is getting here, but it is not the same… Psycho about getting a job, psycho about baby’s care. Hating the weather changes. Hating some people’s cold shoulder. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and this is not a picnic… There is purpose and goal, so the way will reveal itself in time. I wonder about the decisions, about if this was the best choice… But no question about one thing: Baby is better because of the care in here. True friends have been revealed, and hope keeps fueling my will.
Any questions?
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