Yesterday was a long day… I need sleep but can’t. After I went away from work I had to make various stops… bring some correspondence to my aunt, then take Groundel to his college, then go to Lucinda’s place to get my pills, then back to Groundel’s college, then grab something to eat on the way back because I was starving… then check some bids which I lose because they ended yesterday and wasn’t home… Grrr… Then FINALLY to bed at midnight… I’m still tired, waking up was not easy today. I was dreaming I was taking a class at my old college and I was arguing with a professor… LOL What an irony, I NEVER argued with them in reality… I think it was The Barbarian… Funny, that’s the absolutely LAST person to argue with, he may take out his two-handed sword and wack your pretty head anytime! Ok… so woke up with a smile in my face (nothing as good as a grrrrrrreat fight even if fake, before breakfast! So I am Aries, and I absolutely fall head over heels for ARES will, sue me! Maybe I should have enlisted in the ARMY or something, I am always planning strategies and seems the art of WAR comes easily to me… Another irony, since I believe so much in the “make Love not War” slogan… Ah, always little bi-polar me…LOL)

Been pretty bored at work… Not much to do… So I’ve been organizing my laptop and getting rid of junk… I also started making some subtle changes in my A&T site, and am building a site dedicated to little old homeland… I am building it as a separate site from the A&T, but it should be linked from there… Want to accomplish this little project… Basically, I should try to travel to a different town or city each weekend so I get pictures of that citie’s main places, parks or historical landmarks, cultural or fun places… Of course, I will begin with the Western area, leaving the rest of the island for later… I think that the West side is always left on the side when it comes to talking about PR in matters of all the attractions it has. So I want to find out each town’s little secrets and let the whole world know about it. My main interest is pictorial, but I’ll try including basic historical highlights, the town’s banner or shield, and the important people born in them… For educational purposes, so any outlander or highlander may experience what it’s like to live in this island and actually see we have NO TRIBES in here (sorry, but seems that people all over the world believe we wear tattered rags that covers just the basics and that we go around being hunting savages or something…), that we are pioneers in TECHNOLOGY (yup, small island has the BIGGEST radiotelescope of the WORLD plus many technologically specialized industries for the pharmaceutical and computer areas), and that our greatest asset is our PEOPLE (most puertoricans have studied, are professionals, are bilingual, and are not as STUPID as the world may think). Of course, outside the educative purpose I want a pictorial guide that any tourist will find appealing. And all this I’ll do for free just because it’s fun… it’s a personal project, a hobby… I want to rediscover my homeland in a way I have not seen it before… Gosh, all this patriotism is making me nauseous! LOL

Hmmm, as a last thought on this matter… It would be fun if Coriolis joined me, after all he bought this amazing and expensive camera to visit the outdoors and he still has not accomplish that idea! Well… not his fault, he’s a corporate slave… But hey, when you decide to have a life, contact me! ;) Maybe we could build this site together, that should be fun.

From what I’ve read Joe’s had used his powers once more and had send a giant lightning bolt towards J… Well, not news really, but she deserves it. I would understand her attitude better if her past relationships had been so meaningful, but they were NOT, so her attitude was appalling. Viewing how he is, I am glad he still talks to me… He hates my guts in many aspects of who I am, but somehow he managed to view me as worth “salvaging”… not letting my ship sink into the never-ending depths of the ocean… I see some parallel lines between J and me in matters of keeping our past in the present, but the differences come from the small detail that I’ve been with my loves for more than 8 years each… I have whole lifetimes to think of, to balance, to grieve for, to try… She had a handful of smoke… Just a thought that popped in my mind… Joe was pretty bipolar with me, but I was pretty bipolar with him… LOL All in all, I’m glad he’s still around to give me a few laughts and some of his completely harsh reality checks on life… Brutally honest yet one of the most thoughtful persons I have met. Somehow I always have this mental image of him waiting in a port, and this blurred gal running towards him, embracing him forever. I think THAT is the one for him, and will always be. Who knows, the world gives many turns, and we ain’t so far from England after all… That would be one of his greatest dreams come true… Ah, why women must be so… complicated… leaning towards stupid? We have our Greatest Love in front of us, and it is when it is lost that we decide to reach for him… And most of the times, that never happens… Depressing, but true.

Out of that bubble, into Disney’s realm… Watched Cinderella last night (for the first time… yup, knew the story, had the LP, knew the songs, just had never seen the actual friggin movie…ok?). So Disney makes all rats alike, all cats alike, all birds alike, all evil ladies with the same face and even hairdo… LOL At least now I can see Shrek again and TRULY understand the jokes that were funny anyway… ;P I’m very into Cheshire Cat, I completely feel attuned with him! Sad it is so hard to get stuff with him on the cover… Anyhow, at least Emily Strange and superhero stuff makes up for the lack of Cheshire around us… :D

Well, I’m supposed to go get Trilogy after work, to take him to the mall to get some needful things for his school… Being with no TV and no internet has been good for him… His feeding his brain feels almost as if he had an expansion chip in his head. LOL Well, it is interesting that now he says he doesn’t believe in ghosts or anything from “afterlife” or religions of any kind… He now thinks that even psychic powers are not real… Well, have to disagree with those thoughts… We have only explored 15% of the human mind, and tha means there’s 85% of misterious forces that any human can develop and actually use. The matter about the afterlife is a bit empty, as I see it it would be completely senseless to believe that you die and that’s it. Plus plain boring. LOL Where’s the opportunity to achieve perfection? Because perfection cannot be reached through one lifetime. It is a process of gathering knowledge and actions throughout years and years, throughout different eras and situations… It doesn’t matter if the belief should be called reincarnation, or just having multiples sides of you at the same time in different universes, or just keeping the concept of Heaven or Hell or Limbo… The important outcome is CHANGE, never-ending transformation that leads towards the perfection which I see as the use of the mind at its 100%… which leads to the seen everything, been everywhere… which leads towards MORE creation… If there were no God, then you would absolutely HAVE to believe that a higher entity with a 100% of capacities and abilities and dreams and actions and achievements BECOMES god and begins another stage of creation on its own… What matters is not the belief in God but the belief in PERFECTION that should be the model for any human behavior. Personally, I believe in God, I believe in His making humans at his own image. Meaning humans have the capacity to become gods as well, if we reach PERFECTION. Meaning creation is endless. And while humans walk towards that goal so very slowly, God keeps on creating other universes and allowing knowledge and guidance and comfort and love to help us as tools towards perfection. If I am insane on believing this, so be it. Believing in no religion is a way of walking backwards… in reality EVERY religion is right. Every religion was born due to certain circunstances in certain historical periods… And all have one main goal: PERFECTION of the soul. The praise of the perfect being God can turn many ways, as we are praising ourself in a perfect stage. And that is not bad, that is great. Different people need different ways of tapping into their self-realization, religion is learned based on where you are born… and then based on what you learn and feel and assimilate and believe… But it all has the same end. And no matter the roads, the end is BEAUTY. And God should be pleased with that.

Ok… I guess that was the deep thought of the week… To be or NOT to be… That is the constant question, the constant choice we have, the constant decision we take… I think we should always be… The world would be a better place if everyone could be…

Next! Back to ranting… LOL Well, Groundel keeps on being as pissed as I am with Groundelette… I am mad because of what she does not do, he is mad because of what she does not ask or let him know. Seems that she and mother keeps their own webspinning of plans and events, and then get shocked when they hear what Groundel plans… sort of… I keep seeing a line there, the divisory line of him being the “laddy that solves things in a hurry when there’s no other choice”, instead of him being treated as a true flesh and blood real brother/son… That has always bothered me, but somehow it’s a matter that feels stingy and stinky on the present. They lack on the “planning things so nothing goes wrong” stage. Groundelette gave absolutely NO follow-up to the matter of the housing places… she has no job still… and if her mother comes to this forsaken island she will loose wellfare and other health benefits and so will only depend on her hubby for support and her hubby earns only a very small amount fron the SS… soooo… Groundelette is supposed to take over on that, if her mom comes here she will have to take care of medical expenses and medicines… and she doesn’t even have a health plan to cover anything… which translates to BIG PROBLEMS if her mom or dad get sick… She was supposed to get a job to get a place so she could also take care of her family issues… but that all faded away because of the giant spell we should call “ever-exhisting Fabio and his clan”. She follows orders, only if very pressed, and still takes no charge of her destiny. She goes to school and she loved it… duh, pretty boys to meet, time to kill, Fabio and clan to meet afterwards… Ah, a life full of oportunities and she takes the ones that gives her NOTHING in return! Instead of taking those opportunities she runs from them. Student counseling gives students tools for getting a job, actually they have a placement section BUT… nothing… And while she keeps on just fllowing pretty boys and Fabio and his clan, she keeps wasting valuable time she should “waste” on jobhunting. She needs to get an attitude, get the proper image, go ask for a job in the right places and give follow-up… She makes no phone calls to any industry… Oh, but she calls her girlfriends or Fabio or her mom everyday… That’s deep jobhunting… Yeah, in five years maybe McD’s will call her… Who knows… Her shyness has been the greatest excuse to do nothing. She is not shy. That’s bull. And her “child-like speech” will also get her nowhere because it helps feed the “this girl has problems” image. She seems not to realize that what she do trying to be playful and cute (or maybe a really lame act of getting attention) has many bad feedback from the people around her. I’ve been asked if she has mental problems, what’s her condition, if she’s “special”, if she has problems… My insisting on her trying to change her behavior and the way she handles herself in public and the way she “sells” herself has COMPLETELY failed. It has been 3 complete months that she has been in my apartment, and no change whatsoever in her attitude or actions. I thought she was outgoing, I though she had real experience working… Fro someone who worked in Victoria’s Secret and in a supermarket she shows she knows nothing of handling customers, handling people, handling her image, handling herself… People treat you as YOU let them treat you, as you let them believe you are. And sadly, here in my hometown that has many many exponential variables… Maybe if she were in Carolina or SanJuan she would not have so many problems, but HERE of all places you MUST sell yourself RIGHT or you will get nowhere.

Three months of preeching her, and she still doesn’t get it. I thought that by watching she would learn, but that has failed too. I am very myself anywhere, everywhere, bitchy, commanding… but I follow the codes I must follow at work. I am assertive and I know that every place requires a different behavior (outside of your own beliefs). I can go out there and get myself any simple job because I look at people in the eye, I know what to say, when to say it, how to give the bait, how to reap the harvest… Although my sentimental life is most of the time sucky, my professional life is good, stable… not peachy but I do have a constant income, I do my job and I do it well. I say what I must if I know I am right, anytime… But I do take care on the words I choose. All she has seen from me is fashion tips and sojourns… She has this “trying to be goth” thing that I really hate because SHE IS NOT GOTH. She doesn’t see beauty in darkness, she doesn’t like the music, she doesn’t like deep thinking, she is very into happy, sparkly, pink bunny fields, she always puts the little girl voice, and I think she just wears black so she thinks she doesn’t look fat because in reality the worst color she can choose for herself taking her looks and skin color… is black… Ah, people! Anyway… Being Goth is a matter of beliefs and lifestyle, not looks. Guess that’s too deep for most people’s understanding…

Out to luch, hungerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

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