It’s great to see changes everywhere. Joe changed his skin to a new darker self, which is great. It reflects his personality better. And playing hard to catch is fun. Yayyyyy!!!

Yesterday spent my day in Aguadilla. Fixed some things and voila! But my arm is killing me from the driving… That is getting too anoying… Seems that the climate ain’t helping either… I have become an old hag! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

Passed by to check out Trilogy. He was in pissed mode because of a family affair. He needs to get out of that place, but in that I cannot help. It is something he must do on his own, to keep his groth process. At least I gave him some moral support, made him laugh… I hope that at least a bit of company soothed his spirit… Didn’t stay long with him, though. I was too tired, too achy, too sleepy. I went home, took a bath and went to sleep.

In the middle of everything Groundel updated me with his mother’s view of things, which sucks. So out of the blue, I am the bitch, I am a dissapointment and I am taking advantage of… him??? Hellooooooo? Anybody home? He was feeling bad about it, because he KNOWS me, and I was quite pissed because all I’ve done is tell the truth and try to help. If Michelle didn’t cut the expectations, well, SORRY but I am NOT sorry. She sold herself as someone who wanted to actually DO things for herself, move on, start a new life, yadda yadda. And I believed that crap. She arrived and I welcomed her as a sister, with opened arms. Then I realized I had to deal with a 21 year old with the mind of a 14th teenager… Almost mute, didn’t knew what to do, just stayed there playing and breathing. Oh, and following her friends ass making a big fuss over him. So… I tried basic training on her, showed her how to do things, and gave some lessons on business behaviour which she needs desperately because all the things she mentions that she does well, well… Sorry girl, but you suck at them. If that ad not been the case, you would have lasted longer at the jobs you had in NJ… Or you just forgot that each time you got a job it lasted just weeks? I DO remember it was quite frustrating for your mother… That and your overall carelessness… So, don’t even try to bring up crap about your working experience, which is almost nule. After pressuring for a month and a half I stopped doing that because I thought Michelle got the point. But she didn’t. Looking for a job is a continual process, and her continual process was Mauro. She started classes on October at the same institute that Mauro attends… casualty? And then it was a matter of staying camping out in his house every day of the week. And I ask myself… is that responsible behaviour? Is that how she plans to actually make changes in her life? Instead of helping she became a leech, and worst, a very selfish leech. If she is short sighted because of her “loyalty”to Mauro and his family THEN she has a BIG problem… well, among all the others that she has… I pay all bills, I work 40 hours a week, I have work-studied and passed through hardships so I know how it feels like when you REALLY want to do something and noone helps. The problem here is that although I was willing to help, Michelle was not willing of let go of her past, and so she kept tumbling in the mud. I pointed out all the wrong things she did so she would correct them and become the woman she told me she wanted to be… Seems she just lied. She solve things as a child would, sorry for her but I think I am dealing with an adult so I expect to receive feedback as an adult. My house, my rules… I asked little of her. I asked only that she kept things clean and do the dishes. What a fatality! She is plain lazy, and sorry but I cannot afford THAT in my life. I am working with grasping my life back, and being happy. A lazy leech won’t stop me from that.

And for the record: I am NOT racist. I can’t believe Michelle and Nilsa would say I am racist because I said Michelle should not wear black since it is not the best color for her because of her skin tone… Hello? Ever heard about dressing so you take advantage of your best features? Ever heard of fashion and design? If you call THAT racist, my, you are both plainly dumb. I wanted to help Michelle look her best, so she would appear more open and friendlier and to boost her self-esteem. If I were racist my 3 ex-boyfriends would have never been my boyfriends! And my best friend, Sara? She has the same skin color as Michelle and dark hair as Michelle… And she knows she looks best in colors straying from black… And she doesn’t think I am racist because I tell her which colors compliment her better… And what about Kara? She IS black! And she certainly doesn’t think I am racist! What a stupid thing to say when you have nothing ELSE to say! But then, little minds give just that…

And about Mauro: I said he was a bastard. I MEAN he IS a bastard. He uses Michelle psychologically and phisically all the time. He knows he has control over her in every aspect and so he takes advantage of that. Yes, the so-called Pentecostal boy is very true to God… from Friday night to Saturday night, one day out of seven. The rest of the week he curses, he uses everything to his own advantage, he made Michelle feel she was going somewhere with him, he disrespected her and treated her meanly and badly, always telling her what she should or shouldn’t dress, or what she should or shouldn’t do. So… If I called him a bastard… DING! Maybe he IS a bastard. He is a liar and a double-face. But I guess convenience blinds both Michelle and her mother. And yes, it was obvious the guy wanted to fuck Michelle while keeping his girlfriend in NJ. His eyes told me how ashamed he was of things. In the half-hour I spoke-screamed to him in my living room, I SAW his true colors, and while Michelle was crying in the other room she missed all that. The guy KNEW what I was complaining about, the guy is a player. The guy screwed everyone in his church back in NJ, so Hello??? Wake up, smell the coffee? Knock me with a brick if he doen’t deserve to be called a bastard! Because, he IS.

So, the big conclusion is… I am not racist, Mauro is a bastard, I asked Michelle to leave after giving her too many opportunities to make a new life come true, I don’t take shit from no one. If you think I am stupid, well, I’m not. I most of the time allow people to THINK that I am just for the sake of just helping and being happy… but do not mistake goodwill with brain damage. I know where I stand, I have been surrounded by people like Mauro and like Michelle so I know how things can get with them. I am not as young as you think, I am not as wild as you think, I am not as aloof as you think. I have deep grounds in matters of faith, responsibility and friendship. I LIKE heping, but not being taken advantage of. I live a good life, I don’t do drugs, I don’t smoke, I don’t pimp myself out, I have no vices, I don’t trash myself clubbing… I work, I enjoy studying and feeding the mind, I LOVE roleplaying games and e-bay… And I am a witch when it comes to judging people, because I can see their truth and their intentions. I choose to believe I can make a difference. But some things are not worth it. Dealing with Michelle and her mother has been a big waste of time, because they believe in men being on top of them, and so they live their lives like that. If saying the truth and being right on this matter brings on enemies, so be it. I have nothing to loose. I have something they don’t: Self-respect. Instead of saying things as gossip, they should have said things to one’s face, the way it should be. Sadly, they have no guts for that.

I had to write this, to vent it off since I know they won’t read it or know about my feelings on matters in any other way. It makes me so angry when people show their true colors after appearing to be so nice… Hidden agendas, biting a helping hand… People HAVE no CLASS these days… I feel betrayed, because I allowed Michelle to go into MY world without questioning her true intentions. And I know that what I showed her was something GOOD, an opportunity she splat in the wall…

Groundel gave me some support. He tries to be neutral, but is quite mad about the things they think they know about me, and the gossip-circle that they created. They even said I wanted to break-up the family… Yeah, now I am the devil… But then I have always been a dream to some, but a nightmare to others…

I embrace my destiny…