It is not that I am an Ice Queen, it is call "protective mode". Complete shutdown to emotions is necessary to take some steps... And it is a big bother when people do not understand that. Sometimes the more they try, the more they fail... Sometimes it is not a matter of failing, but a matter of being annoying... I want to be left alone, is that so hard to understand? I want to be able to breathe the air around me, and enjoy the sound of silence. There's been noise for too long, for too many years... I want to be deaf and blind and mute... I want to become still, and echo the volcanoes when they sleep. I wish a retreat could be easier than it looks, but all has to be slow... In the end everything falls in place, we all go back to the shadows where we belong...

I am not as upset as I expected. I feel relieved of a big burden, because it all took the shape of a great burden. I feel a bittersweet ambience around me... An era is fading away. That much I know. And some just won't let go... This sums up how I feel...



Ah desgraciado si el dolor te abate,
Si el cansancio tus miembros entumece...
Haz como el árbol seco: Reverdece!
O como el germen enterrado: Late!

Resurge, alienta, grita, anda, combate,
vibra, ondula, retruena, resplandece!
Haz como el río con la lluvia: Crece!
Y como el mar contra la roca: Bate!

De la tormenta al iracundo empuje,
No has de balar como el cordero triste
sino rugir como la fiera ruge!

Levántate, revuélvete, resiste!
Haz como el toro acorralado: Muge!
O como el toro que no muge: Embiste!

-José de Diego, "En la Brecha"

10-4