Damn if you do...

damn if you... do?

I was almost crying because I couldn’t get there… then I almost cried because I did. That summarizes Saturday’s ordeal to get to the new job gathering at a restaurant that is located in Hellville… To reach it, I had to take a bus… that left me at the right spot… then I had to walk for half an hour, not knowing if I was in the right track. I asked, but apparently the longer people are in a place the less they know it… Or simply they were not feeling too helpful. So I got to the restaurant… And I sighted thinking “Amen”. Not too much coordination, very relaxed atmosphere, bloopers and all… In the morning it bothered me to see so many people who should be showing excitement or at least some interest… simply seating there with long faces, not paying attention, looking at their cellphones, and then complaining about the lunch because it was cold. WTF? It is not an obligation to give a welcome meal at a restaurant, but they did to kick off the opening of the store… One guy in my table simply played with the food leaving everything. I noticed many did just that. I guess that living off ramen and the big red Chef is not so common in people’s lives. Well, since it is common in mine I did not complain at all about the meal. In fact I took the ribs in my hands and eat them up voraciously. Sue me for that. One or two were disgusted by my lack of table manners. And guess what? I didn’t give a damn. So much appearance… Such much snobbishness from kids who are still in college and know nothing of what a real job is… Gosh!

But after the meal everyone’s spirits went up. The room was divided and a game of Jeopardy began. Of all things, Jeopardy. Apparently that is a hit with almost everyone as soon it was evident they were enjoying… And how aggressive could they be just because of the “competitive vein”. Gimme a break… I got a big headache, I definitively dislikes those games… So the rest of the reunion was not my favorite deal… As it all closed, I ended up with heavy migraine, topped by the long half hour walk to get the bus, then the long wait for the bus who arrived an hour later. I arrived in time to take a bath and go straight to bed… I was drained, tired, beaten… And completely sad about it all.

Today was the meeting at ground-0, the store’s site. Checking the bus schedule shed some light into my morning… The bus began to pass by at 9:30… and I had to be at the store at 9:00am. So… Had to take the other bus, the one with a 15 minute walk included… a walk through a not so friendly neighborhood. So early in a Sunday morning you get to see a hooker walking by, drunk people sleeping it off in the floor… Lovely. Took the bus, arrived at the right point for another half an hour walk. And there it is, the store… Just getting there drained me. I was not feeling like smiling and I was definitively hot. Whatever. Training/orientation begins… Not too impressed by things… Quite the opposite of the younglings that kept the ohhs and ahhhs…

The day went by… I got migraine from not eating at the right time (gee, really?), but the afternoon was somewhat bearable… Until we got the department gathering so we would know our closest peers. How it all ends up, with my luck? The techie guys, and me. Again. I hope a girl arrives in the week to be with us, because if not I’m gonna scream. And while everyone presented themselves, I finally discover my new job as… counter girl, for my department. I’ll basically be the front face/phone answering/client-friendly face who also perform as secretary to everyone within the department. Yup, I should have a leash ready so everyone keeps things in its right place, and fill out the reports on time. A deep job for someone like me. Oh, but I should not worry, the boys said they would teach me about everything… so I shouldn’t feel overwhelmed. I am so grateful! …

As the supervisor talked to the techies about certain experiences he never looked at me… why should he? I certainly know nothing… Any similarities with old co-workers/supervisors is just a simple coincidence. A server… What’s that? I guess not the same as a waiter… So… The only girl is the client link… I don’t know what to think about it. I felt offended. The demeanor of my peers made me feel really bad, but what do they know? They haven’t read my resume… The hurtful thing is my supervisor had… And I pointed out that same scenario in the interview, that through the years what I disliked most was that whenever I got hired I had to prove to the guys that I knew what I was doing. It is ok, at first… but as years pass by and you are not so young… and that attitude doesn’t change… it becomes completely distressing, unnerving, tiresome… And I was supposed to learn so much… Right.

Part time with the warning of getting a hold on you completely for the Holidays… I m not sold. I will give it a shot to prove myself I at least tried… But it is a recipe for disaster. My mind and heart are with baby and I simply don’t feel right leaving her for more than 8 hours… I know that the now is precious, she may be gone anytime. I also know we need to get bacon to eat. I also know that the stupid part-time will also cut welfare and we’ll get even less than what we are getting if they don’t give me at least 35 hours a week… Which means staying all the time at the job site, getting in and out wasting two hours and half of my life per day just in commuting… to spend a bit of time with baby… at night… Not getting real benefits, trying to smile all the time and be nice and polite for more than 7 hours… What when snow comes in? And my shifts are until closing, then taking the bus. Somehow… I don’t think it is worth it. I will not be taking much part in baby’s life… which is completely wrong at this point.

I am going insane with this… But we need the money… And no other job appears… I have 11 yrs of IT experience and an MBA to wipe my ass with… All to be a counter girl. That’s the best I could do in this place… Lovely. Makes you put things in perspective… I had a not so bad job after all, earned a not so bad salary… Had no so bad things… But the medical care that baby needs cannot be done in the island… I hate this! I really hate this! But I will do as someone said… Just be Clark Kent. Pretend to be Clark Kent. The time for Superman will come. It always does. And I definitively hope that is true. I hope that September surprises me with good interviews for good interesting challenging positions. So I can do my dream career change… or at least put my degree to use… So I can spend more quality time with my greatest love… besides the mage, of course. I keep belief… It is just so frustrating, and so hard…

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