I am so pissed that perhaps there are no words to describe it. Indignation is perhaps what comes up as appropriate. Everyone hates when a good tale goes wrong, and although signals did hint on some things it just baffles me how things can change so much out of lack of vision and stupidity. Yes, MrPopu, this one’s for you.
You know, yes it is not of my business, but I cannot stand aside and be quiet about it. Man, be blunt and be yourself, but of all the people I didn’t expect you to be so stupid and irrational. You always brag about so much wits you have, about your open mindedness, about how you would do ANYTHING for the right person… You actually GET the right person out of sheer chance, and then WHAM! You kick that person out without any contemplation as easy as passing the sugar… Going back to so many lectures that YOU gave ME about distance and stuff, makes me see just how low you can go if there are no real motives for making a decision… and how you only based everything on being physical. It saddens me greatly the whole situation, and in this one I canNOT stand supporting you because of what you showed through all the time you were with her. I didn’t see breathtaking love, but a comfort zone that sometimes deserved a WTF? I saw her doing everything in her hands to see you and make you happy. You would say you’ll meet her then stay up all night and not meeting her at all the next day because you were not feeling well, or were tired, or were sick… Well… You kinda made that situation happen… and so she had to deal with it... without complaining… too many times… But you cannot deal with her stuff? Knowing she doesn’t hop around having a good time as you do? Because don’t give me crap, you go places and have fun while she studies and work… I didn’t see you giving her much support. It was all about YOU. Her supporting you. Her making you feel special. Her multiplying her time to make a stunt and see you. Her trying her best to make you happy…
You say much about others, criticize others, but you seem not to really look at yourself in the mirror. What have you done with your life all these years? Besides fun. Besides joda. Besides attempts to work while making fun your priority. Nothing too serious about it if you point out the things that really matter. So much talent (I still believe you are a genius), so much knowledge, so many skills… And still wasting it all just because you can. You should count your blessings, and be happy and actually strive to change the money/job thing… You sell me SJ as a fucking land of opportunity, but YOU still don’t have the job in which you can say you are happy… So much for being in Area Metro. You know the vanity of life over there, and you disdain it and judge it… but somehow you have assimilated it in your own life as well. Many things brings out character in a person, and in that I thought you excelled… until today. I stand for her on this one because I believed in you and everything you stood for, and somehow it all feels empty right now.
I feel as if I entered the Twilight Zone, or as if this has been a prank of sorts… You know I am not a double-face, and I can be as brutally honest as you. And darling, this is NOT an opinion, as well as this is NOT me pushing my shit in your face. You screwed up big time for the wrong reasons, hurting someone that deserved much more than that. It’s that simple. I feel outraged that you are so cool and casual about it. Makes me want to show up over there and shove tapes (if I had them) with things YOU have REALLY said up your ass. I am passionate towards my beliefs on the people I care lots about. You are one of them. But LS is too, and it all makes you the REAL bad guy after all. Grow up, little boy. You will be 40 next week. Playing the university renegade doesn't suit your style.
It is NOT about insulting you. It is NOT about taking things out on you. It is NOT about being bitchy. Angry-vindictive one, others can be and do and say as thoughtlessly as you do. If you don’t care, we don’t care. It’s plain vanilla.
I was actually happy and content today. I started my vacations yesterday at 4:30pm. I was painting murals today. I was being fed a nice NewYorker overloaded with pepperoni. I will get paid for this job as well… I got my car’s auto parts… I had plans to visit Lucinda and watch a movie and eat some cheesecake and cielito lindo… I got allergy medicine for free… Had no struggles with Groundel… It was a good day... Until I read everything I read when I arrived home. Mad, hell yeah! Disgusted? Hell yeah! Outraged? Hell yeah! Biased? Hell yeah!
10-4
2 comments:
1. no it's not your business, as you began in your rant.
2. no i didn't want or need your approval or support on this. in fact, i haven't asked you to take sides on this since as you stated before, it's not your business. anyhow, i wouldn't ask you to take sides on this matter.
3. you can be as righteous and mad as you want about this and anything in life, but before you launched into this little tirade, maybe you should check the facts and understand that this was a decision made by both of us. us. two people. namely, LS and I. we decided to choose on the lesser of two evils. there were not only issues of distance, but also other issues that i won't go into here, because like you stated when you began your little rant it is none of your business. but for argument's sake i will humor you. i am also fed up with the situation in puerto rico. these recent economic crisis and the lovely possibility of being without a job hit home hard. i've been struggling to get a permanent position at my workplace. things are looking badly. i am thinking of moving stateside in search of a job. unfortunately, LS can't go with me. even after she graduates, she has some family issues she has to deal with and unfortunately we cannot take them with her.
3. yes, i agree with you that this was a good relationship, but i am the first one who states that and also the first one who has doubts on my decision to end it. yes, i think i should've stuck until graduation and take it from there, but LS will be the first to tell you: our conflicts will surely rise again and we don't want this to be a repeat issue.
4. i don't want nor asked for your support. you've got your opinion, fine. be mad. be angry. be blunt. but do not think for a second that all efforts to keep this relationship alive were on one side only. we lasted a year and four months. at least we're mature enough to understand that we cannot be together as a couple, but we remain friends, good friends. we know when things cannot work out between us at the relationship level and even though it's not a good decision, it's the one that is right for us.
5. don't ever think for a second that you can think for me, talk for me, put words in my mouth or assume any positions. even though i consider you a friend, you cannot asume i am cool and casual about this. this hurts me more than hurts her. as a matter of fact, i had a major panic attack today. as in i almost went to the hospital because of it. because this thing hurts a lot. i am hardly cool and casual about it. i'm sorry that this ruined your day. but this has ruined my life since the moment i took this decision.
6. i waited for you when i arrived at home to continue our little chat as i told you. you weren't there. i know you're angry and you're entitled to it. feel free to vent. feel free to be blunt. there are two sides to every story. you know better than that. you have a right to an opinion, but it is best to let me and LS deal with the aftermath of this. i think i've written long and hard about it and the fact that i don't feel good about it.
7. blowjobs are great when properly done. :D
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