Understand this... And I am not explaining this again. Deirdre existed. And she changed our lives for the better. Our love for her moved mountains. We witnessed miracles, REAL miracles. She is present in our hearts and will always be. A rock is thrown in a pond, and you see the ripples... and then it becomes still again. And life goes on. But just because you don't see the rock in the pond it doesn't mean that it is not there. The rock is now forever part of that pond... The pond will never be the same.
We are not the same people we were 12 years ago. We are better. We have grown. We have strengthened our roots through pain, hardship, the unthinkable, every happening you can imagine... I invite anyone to picture their times with their kids, and then take a random one away of the equation. Would you be the same? Would you forget his or her name? Would you never say you had one more child but he/she died? What is so wrong about recognizing a presence that was, that came to Earth and brought so many blessings and changed the lives of so many just by breathing or looking at people... Why is it so shocking to hear the name of a dead child? Why must someone so important be buried also in memory, actions, present and future just because she is invisible to the eyes? The Holy Spirit is invisible, yet you can feel it if you look for it. The same goes with our precious loved ones. Shame, real shame on whoever doesn't like that I say my daughter's name all the time, DEIRDRE VALERIA. Valkyrie. Warrior angel. Forever our guardian angel. Forever with us. Always in the stars. Always within our hearts.
We are a very tight family that will always be a family of four. Plus two cats. Plus anyone who wants to be part of us. All our life we have been good samaritans open to everyone and anyone, helping and believing and giving second chances. We have looked for those we call friends, and we have looked for them for so long... We keep walking our path, knowing that there is no one but us. We look back, and everyone who pledged eternal loyalty is gone. The phone doesn't ever ring. We gave heart and soul, but everyone within our hands reach only took what they wanted, what was convenient for them, and discarded the rest. We keep a candle shining the darkness of the path that lead to those who were our friends. If someone comes back, will be welcomed. But if not, be mindful of that light that still shines for you. It is a candle lit by true love, fueled by sincerity, built by eternity. The only difference is we are not looking for anyone anymore. We are tired and jaded of that journey. We are willing to share and give it all to those who will care to cross our paths. If you don't cross our path it simply means you are in the past, not in the present or our future.
With that said... I will talk about me. I am not stuck. I am living. I have a reality that I face every morning, and that sleeps with me. I go on enriching myself, making things happen. I don't sit dreaming, I stand up and march, and fight, and conquer. I know when to ask for help because I am not perfect, but I have worked towards everything I am and everything that I have, material and spirit. I am true to myself, to those I love. I am loyal until death, even if I view life in a very Quixotic way and it may be confusing or puzzling. I go on, but like the pond that looks still... I am forever changed. It is my loving duty to remind the world that my dead daughter mattered.
I divide my praise and attention to both Deirdre and Kalisto. There is no difference in that. I have two daughters and I will always talk about them, and to them, whenever I want. If someone doesn't like it because I am too weird (which should not be a surprise because anyone that knows me knows that I AM weird)... Tough cookies. Don't follow me. Unfriend me. If people think I post anything for them, they are wrong. I post for myself. I express what matters most to me, what calls my attention, what I care for. Don't like my hobbies? Don't like so many pictures? Don't like me singing Happy Birthday to my dead daughter? Change the channel. I don't need validation. I don't seek attention. I know who I am, my worth, and what I want from life. Don't mistake my role as mother interfering with my so-many-other-roles in life. I am not letting life pass by. I make things happen. I am so crazy that I make change happen.
So, let the sun burn whoever reaches for it trying to extinguish its light. I have survived the worst cataclysm in life, and climbed out from that hole. Deirdre's life forever inspires me. Her beauty makes me want to be better. She is all around in what I do, in what I say, in what I see. My little world makes so much sense, my little world is a gate to truth, faith, love, honor, justice, courage and beauty. No regrets. And whoever doesn't like it, quoting Conan, "To hell with them!"
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