GRIMMOIRE

Sad... beyond angry... beyond any feeling whatsoever. The impact, scale and ripples of one single event has no words. Life goes on... but on in an automated way. How to see the colors when now theres not even shades of grey... How I miss you, Sti... Not like Dee but similar in the outcome of blinding grief that no one understands. We shared a bond stronger than friendship or love. I never envision a sudden departure like this... We were supposed to grow old, to complete more D&D missions, to drink coffee with bread in silence listening to the 80s. Now that era has ended. I am alone. I am alone in matters of same line of thought, challenging interests. Sharing jokes only we could understand. The college sci fi brat interested in dungeons and aliens and dragons and cats and paintings phased away as the salt bullet of real life dispelled her. And now, all the questions will remain a mystery, all endings will be unknown... And in a year all of those who swore to keep his spirit and memory alive probably wont... Just like Dee Dee, only a very few fellow knights in armor will keep the quest of keeping the light of what was their lives among mortal lore. The times of the ogre will only be remembered by very few who understood the riddle of fire...

How I feel? I feel I don' feel as all the feeling imploded and took on the force of a hurricane. Empty. Silent sigil. Quiet end. I'm forced to move on, because bills don' wait. I'm forced to be a slave of the machine of progress, with no time to even paint or scrap. I'm tired in spirit and soul... And I go on... And I keep doing... but the tiredness is overwhelming. No wait, no stop, tic tic tic toc...

Focusing on healing the unbearable.
Focusing on mending the shattered.
Focusing on finding the shining... in the darkness.

New chapter on this grimoire... A life, in life, in living shall scorn. Oblivion of so many roads... Tired, empty... but pressed on... One child to make it all make sense? No. One child to focus on... So days turn to weeks, then to months, then to years... So one good day the mighty reaper will ask for a toll and I will really be able to pay. Here I pay in blood, so you will finally take me to those I love the most, forever...