Mad

... at all times, 24/7... And proud of it...

I don't know why I bother trying to gather as much information as I can to give to the right people... or at least to the people that must have the knowledge... I have been wasting my time. When I think I am doing some progress, it is the oppossite. What is the use of trying something when you don't really want it to work? That's basically what I should be asking the doctors... I feel cheated and offended. Trying things out to prove us wrong, just what is that.. People give swift punches with just words. We have been so naive as to believe that getting information from the experts would ease the whole picture... How wrong! We didn't count on a system that works layers within layers, where the patient is a number translated into an institution's desire... How wrong of us to try swimming against the stream... for the sake of belief in progress... Something not so new cannot be exposed simply because it is different. I forgot, doing things differently labels you as insane even if somewhere in the world it is the right thing to do...

I don't feel too rational right now. I have tried being polite and nice, I've been a "sport" and danced to the music played by the people in power. For what? This is not the era of chivalry, of values, of doing good deeds. In this era only the strongest, loudest, meanest, and irreverent survives and gets away with what they want. Why things must be this way? Why there is no thirst for knowledge, for learning, for solving problems putting yourself in the other person's shoes? UGH!!!!

Hospital staff... The doc who wants to try, the doc who desnt and the one who wants to prove us wrong. Lovely picture. Then the therapists that work... and the ones that wonder why the heck they give them more work... And so one wonders what are THEY up to... A HYBRID they say... They want to make a hybrid of their process (safe tracheotomy) and the NIV (too much work for them). It wont work. Really... I dont need an astrologist to tell me that future...

So... Only turn to take, sound prayers to the Allmighty... He knows our hearts, who's been good and who's been not so good... He knows which cause is worthy, and which isn't. So I let Him take charge... Do what You must... Nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide. Do Your magic, as You always do to those pure at heart.

10-4