... Blah!
What a sucky weekend… The more you want to do the less you can do due to circunstance… The positive thing about it all was that at least the mage and I got to spend the whole weekend together. The negative things were mainly that we couldn’t do all that was required because of either the weather or ill intended people…
Friday night I simply went home. Placed pictures in a CD so I can send them someday to be revealed. I had rented some movies, but by the time the mage arrived I was completely out of service catching Z’s… I actually woke up by almost 4am, and so we saw one of the movies at that time… ABANDONED: what a crappy movie… Maybe a good idea, a completely lame execution. The idea of the doppelgangers was cool, though… So, at 5:30am we went back to sleep… The friggin birdies were talking too much, so it took me a while but finally zoned out.
Saturday… Midday. We both were kinda in blah mode, so we just watched the DIARY OF ELLEN RIMBAUER: Prequel to RoseRed… I really like RoseRed and the Diary was a nice little compendium of all the reasons why RoseRed exists… Wanted to watch RoseRed afterwards, but the CD of my dear movie would not cooperate… So, by almost 5pm we got out of the house, delivered the movies, got a bucket of Siliconizer and paint and made it in time for church. Father Edwin was really happy to see us, reminded the Mage of the confirmations (which were changed to, guess the date… August 24… Eeeeck!). After mass we went to eat some Chinese mofongo, and then headed home. We watched THE LIBERTINE, which turned out to be a hilarious treat. Gotta LOVE Johny Depp! Since we foresaw getting early to put the Siliconizer on the ceiling, we kinda went straight to bed.
Sunday… Oh we got early… by 8am… Not feeling up to much. I thougt I would just say goodbye to the mage, as it was after all Father’s Day and I expected him to go pick up his little girl and have a day of fun with her… I would simply go to Auntie’s and do the laundry, and come back to sleep… I was feeling beyond drained already, the day was too sunny…
As I went upstairs to get breakfast I saw the mage hanging up his cell, evidently bothered/pissed/you name it. His ex called saying she was not at home or in the area and that the child was with her, so he should not have to pick her up. WTF? The woman excels at being a bitch for the sake of it… She does what she wants when she wants, taking the mage in NO consideration at all in her decisions… not even letting him know out of politeness.
After a small while of me preaching with some anger, he called his ex’s parent’s house, and turns out she has been in a resort since Friday night… Lovely. Too much work on her side to let the mage know what she was up to… I hope he gets the point that either he do something to at least have legal rights, or to accept fate as it comes and not cry over it so much because wanting to be involved is not being involved for real.
Both the mage and I come from divorced parents, we both had difficult experiences based on that… But one thing is certain: a real parent is not an idea, but the one who is there all the time, studying with you, punishing you, wiping your tears, playing with you, pushing you to be all you can be… One day a week doesn’t make a real difference, no matter how you put it. Especially when it is certain that there is really no interest on the other family to actually include you in the child’s life… Either you include yourself by gutsy wits, or you stay away on purpose… Whining and doing nothing doesn’t really solve anything. And in the end, all becomes a big emotional snowball that crashes and melts… and all that stays is regret. True story…
So… the mage wanted to go out, so we went on the road. He drove until we reached Ponce… Not much to see, everything was closed because it was Father’s Day… So, we came back. In the way we decided to try a new route to get home, through 119. And from sunny, dry landscapes we got into rainy rainforest ambience… The wonders of the island… After a longaleer drive, he reached home. Heavy rain followed, then the sun came up as if nothing had happened… Nature, and its lessons… I stayed in the couch with the fan blasting some air, and so we started watching Xena:Season3. In the middle of it all, prepared some dinner, while the mage fought with the flying invaders that began trying to get into the house at nightfall… After 7 episodes, decided it was time to sleep… And so the weekend came to a closure…
Monday morning. The cell rings its alarm. A new day, heralding the new week… heralding work… I feel drained and exhausted, just want to stay in bed for the whole day… But it was only 6:15 and the heat was already rising. I need to put that A/C on the friggin wall… seems that a good night’s rest is stolen by the climate… feels as if I had not slept at all! Nauseous and dizzy, tired and overheated… and I made it to my office. I need to go to Aguadilla, but there’s no transportation available until Wednesday.
I can’t drive like this… so I guess I’m stuck here… in my lovely fridge… Blah… Gotta pay one of the past due finance bank… And gotta find out when the car’s back can finally be fixed.. that needs to be taken care of without further delay. Both things will leave me broke, another usual state that doesn’t help in anything… but well… what else is there to do? Everything is behind… and between that fact and the bad moments that people clash thanks to their stupidity, the shine of the promise of a better day fades… Reality is a blunt bitch that helps the bad and feasts on the flesh of the good. So, nothing changes…
Feeling: Moody, sad, breathless, irritated, angry, bothered, troubled, worried, anxious, concerned, pissed… Wish I could lock myself up in a dark room with A/C, and stay there for a whole week… no people, no facts, no daylight, total alienation… Just food, the mage and me…
10-4
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