Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Soaring

into the infinite sea of stars...

I understand many things, especially that now more than ever time needs to take precedence over petty feelings. I am speaking of the half-orc, of course. I am very mad at him for the stupid choice he made… There was no excuse for that. Also the news didn’t do anything to make things smooth either… But I also know he understands why I have taken the choices I have… He has seen me happy. Everyone has seen me happy. That is something too strange and alien, maybe one in a million… It is only once in a lifetime that such an opportunity comes along by chance… something not expected, a small surprise from fickle Fate. I just hate it all has to come to the “choosing between acquaintances” phase… Which by the way I find so stupid. I know that it will be very hard to get along at first, but it can be done. Coriolis is the best example of that, and proof that sacrifices, tolerance, understanding and truth has plenty of rewards.

I feel much hurt from the half-orc, and his ill words towards me were too full of anger that just maybe tried to hide some pain. It all made me feel miserable… Wasn’t it enough just to know that all the dreams and plans and hope had shattered for a long time now? Wasn’t it enough to know that the drifting apart was inevitable? He didn’t really took the initiative to try seeing beyond the words, beyond the sadness, beyond the tears… So many chances… And all in all my loneliness increased exponentially… And he just wouldn’t try reaching… because of the demons he has on his own. I could have killed myself, and I guess that he would just have wondered why. As if I didn’t express myself, as if I simply kept quiet… It is a pity all in all… I am not one who takes years for granted, and although darkness surrounds much things, I always did focused on the small positive moments which gave me enough will to go on… It just came to a point where the burden was too heavy for just my shoulders… The wounds have re-opened instead of healing. The pain became unbearable. And there was simply no exit…

No point dwelling on that… It just haunts me, so many things that could have marked a new beginning but that were eradicated with carelessness out of ignorance and sometimes out of his own will… It all saddens me greatly… but… The show must go on.

Right now, I can feel the changes and transitions… they are all overpowering my senses… yet it is a process I am getting to acknowledge in a way that has never happened before. I feel different. I feel no burdens, no ties, no holding back. I feel as if I were a Phoenix and had just began to soar into the sky, following the road of infinite stars to wherever they may take me. I feel complete. I had to die to be reborn. And so, a new flight takes place, following the spells that unknown forces cast around me… There is a certainty on it all that I simply cannot describe, and a soundness that thrills me. The cleansing pyre rises, ever higher… forever true… Fire brought by darkness, fire made by darkness… yet not consumed by it. There is a calmness and warmth that I’ve only known in dreams. There is a quiet silence that brings all the answers, that fills up the spirit with much faith… The soaring Phoenix lives on, thanks to hope... that has always been there, after all...

As followers of the Art know... Drops of blood bring life... in the end...

10-4

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