Family is mad at me because I dont look for anyone... Well, maybe I am tired of smiling and behaving like Crazy Glue. If someone wants to speak to me and share some quality time, they know where to find me. So, I have found that my dear sister is only interested in everything about her husband and her hubby's family, and nothing about my aunt or me, so... sorry if I have not been too enthusiastic of visiting her new house to see the new furniture. I mainly do not care much about me, but it bothers me greatly that NO ONE remembers my aunt exists. Especially after SHE has been there to serve and help ALL the rats that makes up my so-called family. My mother and my grandfather used to steal from my aunt... jewelry, adornments, even saws... you name it. Another uncle wanted to take over the house when she divorced because the house needed a "man". To all my aunt has been kind and submissive, and to all I've been the bitch because I do not need a dick to be a "man" and give tough love when needed. So... TO THE PYRE!
Friends are mad at me because they don't find me. I have not been feeling like picking up the phone, and I don't feel like talking, period. If it were for me I would go in a journey to Russia and get lost in the ice-covered mountains. Alone. Coriolis has left many messages, same with Lucinda... even LadyMex... and even Trilogy...Coriolis used his brain and called me up at my aunts, where she answered and passed me the call... thanks auntie... But overall, people, I feel I need to be in a small cave, and mourn there who I am and what I wanna do with my life, sort things out, make some moves, and THEN come out to the Real World and embrace Life... Do you understand? I dont want anyone's opinions biasing me. I dont want anyones advise, I have received too many for nothing. I just want to do what I want, what I feel is right, what I know will make me happy, fucking everyone else's opinion. So, spare and forgive my lack of calling-looking for-greeting-whatever. Don't feel like it, cannot give it.
Even the whole World situation is getting to e. I am a friggin sponge. I feel every pain around me. That's why I wanna be undercover and isolated... I am a sponge and receiving all those bad vibes doesn't improve my psycho self...
To Vero: I had EVERY intention of going to meet you, but the whole thing about Mayaguez is tat EVERY corner has history for/with me. That place where you played used to be a place where someone I know worked, where some situations happened, and around the place is where lay 3/4 of the reasons Trilogy and me were not together for 15 years... his friends... his hanging-out places... the bitches that were with him and with Groundel... I hate the area. HATE. And I thought people had forgotten who I was, but they have not. I have an aura that screams out my name thanks to Trilogy... I HATE that too. I feel bad and humilliated whenever I pass by anywhere in Calle Bosque. SO I deeply apologize for not showing up. It was not about you, but about everyone else. I hope you understand. This, mixed up with my bipolarity the past 2 weeks has not been good. I am trying to get well, but I am not. So, here should come an arrow referring you to the rant about me wanting to be isolated in a cave... And I know about how parents think they are straightening you up, without taking in account you do not NEED to straighten up because you are doing NOTHING bad/wrong. I went through that as well... I was a whore because I was always with guys, for more than 8 hours locked up with them in a room... doing
So, back to my bubble-retreat... in the Twilight Zone.
3 comments:
Need not worry, Kymill. We'll meet some other time, d'accord? Take care and most of all, take some time to disconnect from everything and everyone and spoil yourself. I'm sure it'll do you good. Have a nice week!
Vero
Darling I think it's way past the time that you need to get out of that little bubble of yours. That's one of the things that really pisses the fuck outta me about you. I still wuv you though.
Vero: Glad u ain't mad at me :)
Morituri: Have you ever stop to think that MAYBE, just maybe, I LOVE what you call "my bubble"? I have always been a lone wolf, and I have always enjoyed it. I do what I like, be certain of that. I also live as I believe is right. I do not need to belong anywhere. I am my own colony. I have enough personalities. I don't think there is anything wrong in how I am. I honestly feel I do not need to go on a quest for friends or acquaintances. People are all the same. When I see exceptions, I go ahead and approach, but only if it is an exception... I am not into looking for love anymore. I renounced that last year. I am to surround myself with what I like, and do what I like, and enjoy myself on my own as a first priority. I do NOT need people. In that, I am different from you...
It is always fun to argue about that with you, :P I love you too. :) Always.
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