Friday, January 21, 2005

Aguadilla, the whole day... Got home, drop dead into my bed... woke up at 8 and so here I am...

Feeling: Deeply sad, deeply dissapointed (again), deeply angry (again), like reviving a vendetta, like throwing a heavy stone lid to a friggin tomb (his, again), like getting a knife and plunging it into a heart a dozen times... (again)... Moody... Mad... Pissed... Insane...

Ahhh! What's the use... I may feel like a radioactive agent of entropy, but I am a friggin goody-goody-doer and so I am incline, in the Real World, to simply let days pass, forgive, and forget... I am so stupid when I want to be stupid... Been stupid for 15+ years out of... true love... out of obssession... out of belief... out of commitment... I always believed he was truly good for me, because whenever he is around he makes my eyes light up... and his eyes light up... and the world dissipates... I believe in dreams and angels and the destiny that we make happen... But who knows... Maybe not this time... Maybe not in this lifetime...

Groundel has been supportive and kind and a true gentleman all along. I thank him deeply for being true to me, to our promise of friendship and of being there no matter what. If he were not around, I would be very lonely. This is not a coffin BUT a mausoleum... and there is plenty of space for both of us. 'Nuff said.

Watching Groundel playing Silent Hill... cool... He rented Avalon, so I may get to see that tomorrow. Too depressed to say anything else...

10-4





No comments: