Ok, so yesterday was a disturbing day... Daylight brought a good swift bundle of memories and amicable talk... Nightlight brought anger, despair, sorrow, truth, and death... Allright, not physical death but perhaps a humble stage of stasis (picture the worm inside a cocoon)... Groundel and I had a big talk. I tried explaining myself as clear as I could... He knows all this time I have always told him what I do, when I do... And he knows I write here things that are in my mind, in my heart and in my dreams. I am not thinking of Groundel as 2nd plate to Trilogy. My logic and my reason says Groundel is my stability. But one thing is missing... That little beat that makes you flip of joy and do crazy things just because... And that little beat is my Trilogy... While my reason goes to Groundel, my feelings/passion/child... name it as you must... goes to Trilogy. I dream of Trilogy. Yet, I have done for Groundel so many things I wouldn't even have think of doing for Trilogy... Because I believed in Groundel and Kymill. I truly did. I gave it all. But then hell broke loose, and although NOT everything has been hell, the events were quite gargantuan... I did my best to handle the issues, but my sadness was growing... And although I may appear to enjoy sadness, I do not. I needed to unlock my old self, I needed to unchain my feelings and my chaos... I was dying. So, here we are... I am not trying the "go back with fill-the-blank game". I just want to be ME. I have been living for everyone else the last 10 years, and in the way I lost ME. I WANT to be ME, to have my deep feelings, to enjoy each day as if it were the last, to breathe, and look into the sky and count the stars again, and fight dragons and fly in the wind... I LOVE ME. And so, a consequence of being ME is the neverending search for Trilogy... HE brings out my passion, my innocense, my dreams... It is not something I do to bother anyone, but to make myself smile. I hate the fact that in the way I am hurting someone I do care much about... But I HAVE to do this. I cannot marry anyone before being CERTAIN that Trilogy and I were not meant to be... And in order to do that we need to share time, and everyday life... we need to be friends again, and then see if everything else falls in place, if things have change for better or for worse... I need time and space and understanding in order to do that. If love is not enough, I will take my passion and pride and go away from Trilogy, forever. But I MUST take one last chance, and BELIEVE in my dream, and see if it works because I just could not go on through life feeling REGRET. And until now, I regret nothing I have done... I don't want to start that now. It prides me to have a clean concience. And so I am doing what I have to do for MY self. Groundel, you must stay within your cocoon if you want to wait for a true decision from me, but at the same time you must keep your self growth by finishing studying and working... do not rot... You have done great so far, and you can do even MORE... but let me go for a while... If I return to you it will be forever... If I don't then you KNOW we will always be family and I will always be your best friend NO MATTER WHAT.

This is the story of 3 people... trying to live in Puerto Rico...
Let's see how things turn when things stop being polite...
and start getting REAL.
All within the boundaries of love...

God have mercy...

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