Went to the PO and got a package from China... Yup, my Disney movies came from China and I didn't wanted to break the packaging... LOL Used a razor to open it. Spent the whole afternoon watching Bambi, Sleeping Beauty, Alice in Wonderland, Lion King. Imagine my mood. :) And since I am feeling happy and pink, my dear Coriolis is feeling doomed, gloom and under the sink... Ah... talking lately about how things never change? Yup, it would take a cosmical catastrophy for us to get in the same mood after all... I guess that it is all about the balance of the Universe... Good vs Evil, Law vs Chaos, Blaze vs Coriolis... LOL We balance each other out. That's the trick of our neverending friendship, one is up to pick the other when the other is down, or one is down to drive the other crazy... :D Some Higher puppeteer is having fun with us at all times...
And as I fall asleep, one day my Prince Charming will wake me up with a kiss... And then we'll both send the dwarves to destroy humanity and build a nice sturdy castle so the Elves can decorate it and we can live happily ever after... LOL We are all allowed to dream, ain't we? And my dreams do not give up on perfection, as perfection can only happen when two halves meant for each other become one whole. And I wish that my other half would understand that little fact... But he's so stubborn that in his denying me, my memory has become frozen inside his heart of stone. I know my own little ghosts and my own little truths... I live my own little life as best as I can, and I build my actions on the base of love... inconditional, endless, timeless, true... And so I love as I do... And I am called mad because of that. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I must live up to my title, no? And a mad witch cannot be taken seriously by any man... or humanoid... Or so the Oracle says... So I guess I'll just go deeper in my madness, keep worshipping my cats and just live my present to the fullest as dreamland is an idea that was not made for me...
Yes, sometimes I get bitter about the things some people tell me... It is mostly that my people get me upside-down. My good intentions are easily misrepresented or misunderstood, and soon it all leads to cinders... I have the will and the desire but not the motivation to do certain things...
Trilogy has failed once more. I expected him to connect with me a bit more, but his lack of "reaching me" is leaving me without any will to do anything in his favor. I feel his words have been empty once more, and now with the excuse of having no time because of school... School never stopped me from seeing him daily years ago... So... Ah! I won't even get started there... I am not a toy that you can use or remember on occassion... I need presence, sharing, mind link, essence, thoughts, will, actions... He's getting over the no-studying phase BUT he's still not into the serious commitment attitude and I am too tired of it. Last time he walked with me from his house to my apartment it was a 2 hour walk of non-stop crying for me... Crying... Bitter crying for things he tells me, things he shows me and all in all how much he hurts me carelessly... As always... And from that night a part of me feels dead inside...
Groundel has been doing his normal stuff, working his ass off... Studying... Playing... Nothing different there. At least he is not arguing with anything... And he has been more supportive with his sister... He still hopes to change my mind, but expects the worst. He knows what's in my mind and heart... Time after...
Mixed feelings with some others, but I won't get there. One is banned from me and the other I choose to be banned from him... No more additions to my drama... Enough of that. Although "If I could turn back time, If I could find the way... You'll stay..." It's too late for second chances that in reality are thirds or fourths... I know how a failure causes an impact in relationships... Especially after Groundel failed me... Nothing was the same... So I know how the One feels... He said he never hated me, I guess I know what he meant... But the feeling that is left burns... Nothing is ever the same... He made the wise choice of ending it soon. If we had tried right away, then we would really HATE each other now. I look back and I still don't know why I failed him as I did, why I had no patience whatsoever... I became what I have always preached against. I can say that now, with the "other" point of view, and it saddens me. Thanks to me our lives were both screwed, he was left with the never-ending search and I was left without him.
The one I choose to stay banned from could be the someone that makes my life happy... But some issues divides us... And it is better to keep our friendship than to hate each other for true... We argue a-lot... But our intense conversations are always worth it. My genius... I wish him happiness...
Love is the greatest deceit created by God so He has fun when He is bored... Love is the thing that means everything to you when you can't have it, and that you take for granted when it's at your side. It is the greatest of joys, and the greatest of dissapointments... Better to feel nothing... But then again, life would be worthless...
Whatever...
10-4
No comments:
Post a Comment