Ok, so it seems that some people actually do not get that yes I can get angry with THEM and without taking out on THEM anything else that is happenning in my life. It is ironic, taking me for granted comes so easily to those that claim to care so much for me… to those whom I consider family. My anger is not misdirected, quite the opposite. I take what they give, but how about giving me some time in the real sense, as a real friend? Sometimes I feel like I am just an imaginary friend. I have no need for kindness. In these times of trouble I have not seen a hand to help me get off the ground. So yes, I am angry. And anger leads to many things. I’ve been off paxil for a week now, and although I’ve been highly emotional I’ve also been balancing every act. And I have been able to unleash the anger that I have inhibited for so long. Don’t claim to be my friend if you cannot at least come to the trouble of seeing my face once every three months. Don’t claim to be my friend when I ask of you a favor as family and you turn your back on me because everyone else is more important NOW than me. Don’t claim to care for me when you constantly put me down and give me a 3rd or 4rth place in your life. I am an afterthought. I am the entertaining center for only when boredom strikes is that all of you people remember me. My despair has not called your attention. You have all left me to bleed on my own. Not even an act of charity… Not even out of pity or mercy.

I know all your little minds, I know all your little thoughts and actions… You think so much of yourselves to actually believe I will go on a rampage against everyone just because I can. No. I have reasons. I have years of reasons for every action I take, for every word I speak. So you don’t like my bitter tongue, fuck you. If you are not strong enough to take all of who I am, you don’t deserve to be around the air that I breathe. I am no victim here. I chose to be kind and gentle and polite and nice and even a bit naïve, out of strong feelings for each and everyone of you. Turns out you all view my emotions as my biggest weakness, my sensibility and compassion as a big flaw. Well, I may be sensible and compassionate and emotional and empathic… but I am not stupid. I am not blind. I see all of you for who you are, for whom you want to play the part, the characdes and double lives you live… You all lead lame lives simply because you are not yourselves in happiness or pain. You have all succumbed to humanity, to what people are, to the norm… You all have dismissed your uniqueness and individuality in exchange of money, recognition, and false idols. In the way, you dismissed your soul. All of you. And in my madness and insanity and anger and what you may call rampage, one thing is certain: I am true to myself. I am who I have always been. I haven’t changed my outlook in life, I haven’t sold my soul just because it is more comfortable or leads to material goals… I may have the loneliest of paths, and have no true friends left… but I am myself everywhere I step, everywhere I stand, everywhere I fall and go up again… I have nothing to regret, I haven’t been bought, and I keep on growing if not in the material aspect at least in the spiritual side. You all have become ignorant and weak, and fear what you cannot understand, and spurn me because of that. So be it. I have nothing to prove to anyone, ESPECIALLY you! The three of you deserve each other. Embrace yourselves.

Newsflash people: I am not the problem. Each one of you are.

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