Up and down...

round and round...

Today… A rollercoaster of emotions and feelings… Happyness thanks to my mage’s messages, and outrage thanks to all situations at work… which simply translate to nothing… translating again to staleness, immobility, been tied up inside a car’s trunk waiting for someone to throw the car in the deeper end of the sea… Those who don’t expect much of life get what they want. Since I expect everything of life, and work towards it, I get nothing. And the worst thing you can do to someone who has so much desire to do things is to simply push her inside a dark room and forget she exists. Nothing more to expect in here, nothing else to look forward to. Frustration turned into a hopelessness filled with anger… because no matter what I do or how well I do things, no matter how much one surpasses the norm… one cannot grow.

So I want to leave… And just yesterday an industry layoff 800 people in Cabo Rojo… Industries keep closing. Talented people with BAs and MBAs keep getting off the island to search better luck in Uncle Sam’s territory… What is to become of this society where people are mostly uninterested in progress, where the government keep allowing industries to go away thanks to lack of incentives and stupid useless taxes that in the end are not used for the island’s sake… where younglings keep killing themselves off because of drugs… where the good die alone and in misery, and the bad rule and take all the money and laughs in your face… I can’t stay with crossed arms doing nothing, witnessing insanity and recklessness… Am I to become another statistic of the ones that choose to leave this place because the shit stinks too much? Am I to go and never turn back, because the first to turn their backs to me where family and friends and then government and hypocrites?

This is a land of unsurpassed beauty, and as every Eden there is a curse… Humans… Damn humans that get some luck and want more and more at the expense of anything and anyone, and who will stop at nothing to accomplish those means. Our leaders direct blind sheep that only care about 3 reasons of weight: red, green and blue. Any portorro knows the meaning of these colors… hallowed birds that forecast the end of reason and the doom of progress and equity. Political divisions divide my land in an irreparable way. It is the way that keeps the dumb even dumber, that gives a razzle dazzle to make people believe that leaders are working for the people while masquerading their thefts…And even if they are unmasked, actions mean nothing… colors are the only reason for validation, for power… Colors! No matter the education… no matter the insight… Just colors…

I am fed up with all this. Working in government has left q bitter taste in my mouth… It has been a time where I have rot in an office and where people have confined me to alienation because I actually look forward to earning a living doing the unthinkable… actually working. Frustrated… Angry… Bitter… Merry Xmas to me.

Take work away from me, and then you take away my woes. Personal life is blissfully surreal… Finally that jigsaw puzzle has been solved… The mage cast a powerful spell when he came back from the lands of mists… The soundness and certainty of it all is the greatest gift I could have wished for… If all this has been possible, then something can be done about work… I know that everything has been falling in place, little by little. Time has been diligent and swift and very kind. I ask only for the piece that could make everything perfect… I believe it can be so. I hope it doesn’t take me away from my homeland… But I am realistic in my thoughts and things are going from bad to worst in this Island of Paradise… Let the best option come to me as everything else has… I believe, miracles happen all the time in the most unexpected ways...

So… Sad but happy but hysterical but mad… Oh yes, always the mad witch.

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