Back from the grave?

So this is Xmas…

What can I say… These days have been filled with so much contradiction. Everything being so bitter-sweet, everything being a mix of it all. Family behaving as the strangers they are… Friends teleporting every now and then… My dearest being his lovely self all the time… But somehow, deep inside, something seems so sad about it all… The puzzle is never truly completed… There is always something there to remind me…

Mother and auntie are quite disrupted since granny was taken to the hospital two days before Xmas. She had to stay there in intensive care. Her operation was performed yesterday, and took from 5pm to 8pm. The way that modern science try to elongate the inevitable is amazingly pointless… From what people that visited her today said, she was quite happy with everyone, talking a lot… She seemed to be doing better. As I arrived at 7pm, my aunt was in tears because my mother had told her that the doctors just said that granny is in a coma and that all they can do is give her medication to ease the pain… And that’s it. They found a tumor that evidently is malign… She already had cancer in her ovaries thanks to which all her reproductive system had been cast out, and obviously tht wasn’t enough. There was never proper care. Granny did all she could under the circumstances, most of the time not eating at all and expecting medicines to work wonders on an empty stomach. Can’t say that her children took any care whatsoever to make her well. Her son only appeared and called to get the little cents she had… Her daughter couldn’t care less… No food, no paying attention to her complaints, no time… So granny lived the life of a ghost, being remembered only when and if needed.

I cannot say that it all has been different with me. As I already said, my family is synonym of perfect strangers… I can only feel for two people who have always been there showing me unconditionality: my aunt and my uncle. And believe me, their way of showing their love is very hectic… and quite aloof. I am not emotional with whom is in no way attached to me. I may be emphatic… but some people have done so many things along the way that you cannot help but think why should you be compassionate. It is human to wonder such things in such a raw way… and wrong. Our Lord wants us to forgive and forget, and do unto others as you want others to do unto you. And we should cultivate a selfless spirit, being humane and just and fair… It is so hard to follow such teachings when you already have a perception that is backed up with truth… All I can do then is trying to stay neutral… And then I seem so emotionless. No. I just prepare myself to react being a problem solver because I know that things will come in such a way that everyone else will be lost in momentary emotions and noone will be able to actually think or make decisions. The story of my life… I bet my aunt thinks that just because I simply took a bath and locked myself up in my bedroom I am completely ignoring the situation about granny. She must be thinking of all the mistakes she made while raising me, because she created such a monster completely devoid of feelings… Someone who doesn’t follow the expected traditional “ay bandito” talk. I may feel my heart in a knot, but what else can I do… I lament the whole situation. I lament that the people that seem to be concerned are the ones that only wanted to get money from her… My cousin and his wife, my uncle from Florida, even my mother… All of them close to granny on a day by day basis… allof them taking her lifeforce and then showing the world such deep concern… Hypocrites. And they shall be remembered as the ones who cared… I wish it would be so. My belief is so tarnished thanks to so many reality checls…

And so, granny lays in bed waiting for science to give up and for the Reaper to finally take her to a better world. It moves me… But I think that the way she lives in this world is not truly living. Being enclosed in a bubble… erm, house… 24/7… No distractions, no human touch, no purpose… Is that better than being in a coffin? Seeing the cruelty layed on her husband, whose daughter put on a human shelter… erm, elder house… Seeing reality as her own daughter wouldn’t spend time with her for any reason… Seeing the news everyday, a world that is darker by the second, hopeless by a thought… I wonder if love ever reached that heart. I wonder if only once love filled a moment, an action, a smile… because everything I’ve seen is that they all reacted to get something… None of them ever did something out of selfless care. I wonder if she married my grandfather because of an illusion, or because of status. I wonder if she had her children out of true desire or simply because she had to fill the role that society imposses on married women… I wonder if there have ever been a hug just because, a kiss just because, a reching out just because… I wonder so many things… And it all saddens me. This material world that we all try so hard to survive in… how worthless it is! How empty and filthy and shallow and careless it is! And how come so many live their lives to get it all, and they do get it all… and then they find out they may have everything, but nothing can buy a warm hug, a sincere smile, the sweetness of true love…

For whom the bell tolls… Soon, it tolls for all of us soon enough. In the meanwhile, the dreaded silence, the long hours, the wait… The question is: What are you going to do with the time that you’ve cheated from Death? What are you going to do to really live?

So this is Xmas…

Friday: The Xmas gathering at midday at work SUCKED. And I was driven with a strong desire to simply go away from the place… I took the afternoon off, with the aid of my mage I took my small tree and the door garland and placed them in my car. Went to take auntie to the bank, to the grocery place… And then back home I finished putting up lights and stuff. Just as I was going to bed Groundel called, but I sticked with my plan… I was too tired, and wanted to sleep some because the mage wanted to go to the movies at midnight. So… I woke up to my mage’s tune. He arrived a bit later than I expected, and I knew that we would not make it… He had gone to his den to change and make himself ravishing… but the price was missing the movie… Oh, well… He decided to take us to Rincon, and we went there… Nothing to see, all was bad… I guess it was one of those days in which you really want to go out but there is absolutely nowhere to go. Ended up gathering provisions and crashing browsing the net… Cést la vie!

Saturday: Awakened by Michael, who asked if I was gonna do the mission… Oh, yes, I am… but why wake me up before midday, damnit! Well… Went to take Groundel and his stuff back to Lady Death’s den. Big fight because he doesn’t get he has to slow down a bit in life because of his foot… which is not cured completely. In the end, got wet twice (thought I would get sick) and left him at the mall because he was gonna meet some friends… I kept his necessary stuff (bandages & gifts) and tried to calm myself after such a bad tide… So many things to do, so said my list… I was quite upset because of all the people in the street… the rain… situations… The mage took me around, first to eat, then to make sure things were fine, then to wonder why I torture myself so much… then to take me away from this place… and so we ended up in Aguadilla. Nothing deep, just walked around and then we came back… Admiring the few lights that were lit this year… I was quite tired, feeling quite crappy, convinced I was sick… so went home early, and quite sad.

Sunday: Laundry… Gathering stuff to sell… The usual. Auntie told me about granny’s operation due on Tuesday. It all seemed a normal procedure so I really didn’t worry much… Went by the mages den before nightfall. Munchkin already was flapping around her new Dora plush doll, seems Santa was a bit early that day… Munchkin’s mom being in bitchy mode leading to mage being upset. Since it was the night before Xmas, church offers the Rooster Mass LOL So… Went to Groundel’s place to give him his bandages and things he bought the day before. Invited him to accompany us, and he was bored enough to say yes. Lady Death also went with us, after a mandatory change of attire (from sultry vixen to village virgin… Who knew? LMFAO!!!) The church didn’t crumble down at Groundel’s arrival. The mage was still upset, but the happy place and the drama evolving made the night interesting enough for him to dismiss his woes. From the moment I sat, I spotted a woman and an old guy and I told the mage “That is my mother”. He said nah… I mentioned the same to Groundel and he satarted ducking “Your mother! Where? Where!” LOL… Communion showed the mage that I was right… And the hilarious thing was that I was so concerned and it was actually my mother who looked at us as if we were ghosts or the four riders of the Apocalypse… Anyway… The priest never ceases to surprise us, this time he added FX to the ceremony. Everything was planned so as he blessed the altar, all Xmas lights would come up in the church and figures would move. That was lovely! Father Edwin is white and nerdy and proud of it. Yup, he’s one of us. :) As mass finished, there was the long line to kiss baby Jesus, and so we passed by my mother whom I saluted, followed by the mage and LadyDeath. I savored the moment saying “Oh, and over there in that corner is Groundel”… LOL So I sent the minion of Discord to him… I know he just loved that. They were giving asopao and juice outside church, but it was after midnight and we were all tired, so we went away fast. Delivered Groundel and Lady Death (hope that they both had a good time… in a way, this was a special silent night, Holy night). Stayed at the mage’s den for some food and went home… Of course I invited him over. So, as we arrived (and I was disappointed that auntie was sleeping) I turned on all lights and gave the mage Santa’s delivery. We stayed outside talking a lot until it was just too cold for me to bear it. And so, he vanished in the mists… Don’t you just love magic?

Monday: Woke up around midday. Fuss about mommy coming with her friend to eat at auntie’s, so I simply had breakfast and flew away to the mage’s den… with Xena Season 2 in my hands… Watched some episodes, went to get Groundel to take him to Michael’s house so he would get his insulina and in the way he got dinner for all. The mage and Michael seemed to get along well. After nightfall, we all went away… delivered Groundel and back to the mage;s den for more Xena mayhem. Yay! There were chapters that I actually have never seen… Who knew?


Tuesday: First thing in the morning went to take the mage in a paying bills spree. Afterwards found some gifts for some special kids, and went to pick Groundel so we would visit Raven and her children. Spent the afternoon over there, Groundel being quite busy putting together the raft of the lost boys from Neverland. Time went fast, Groundel invited a hearthy fishy dinner, and then I delivered the half orc into Michael’s realm of cards so I could go home to navigate ebay. Found some needful goodies after a long search, as well as the right inspiration for some garments. The mage’s mom will take care of actually making them, soon enough.And so, the mage appeared and the witching hour took us further into the lands of ebay… LOL I was falling asleep, so he left… to keep on with a quest…

Wednesday: The mage sent me a message, he found the missing place where the keepers of the rings lay. Yay! That quest is almost over… Picked up Groundel to go paint some at my house. Spent the whole afternoon priming walls… By nightfall I was too beat. Delivered Groundel, met Raven.. Came home, to find the ghastly news about granny… And so, I’m waiting for the mage to teleport and hold me tight. No news… Clock keeps ticking… I’m tired and sleepy. Life goes on…

Thursday: What's up for tomorrow? Need to go to the lab when I wake up, at 10am must go with the mage and his mom to get the stuff for the wedding, need to take auntie to see granny at 1pm, need to take Groundel to the mall in search for a shoe after 2pm… I foresee a long stressful day full of drama… Whatever. Everything in its right place, as God wills.

2006 has been a year of deep changes, bitter battles, high achievements and mournful losses. It marked my life forever, in every way. May 2007 be more merciful and kind…

10-4

Just 4 more hours...

until Xmas break...

Yes, today is the last day at work before the Xmas closing. We will be off until Jan9 thanks to all the Holiday celebrations we have in this forsaken isle: Xmas day on the 25th, New Year, Three Kings Day on the 6th and to top the cake with icing it will be a local holiday on the 8th thanks to the birth of Eugenio María de Hostos. Of course, the party goes on with the octavitas after 3 Kings Day, but that is another story... Gee, I wonder where the reputation of 'ricans being party animals come from... Capital of rum and high rating on vices... Gotta be sooooo proud of this little isle's party outlook...

Me, I'm taking two garbage bags so I fill it up with the little Xmas tree I put up in my office and the round garland in the door. No, ain't gonna dispose of them, I actually put them to celebrate Jesus birth (gee, what an innovative idea in such a commercialized land!)... I'll take them to auntie's home, in case I have no time to put the big tree over there. My little one is classy, colorful and lovely and so, it deserves to have two more weeks of life. Wheeeeeee, o algo.

Yesterday was the administrative side lunch at Franco. The food was selected for us, and we had to pay almost 8 dollars... for food that to my understanding was not so great. And yes I have eaten at better places, for the record, since it seems people believe I have been a cheap ass all my life. Ever since I was little my uncle took me and my aunt to expensive restaurants, so yes I know about good food... And those were the times of quality and quantity at heavenly prices. These days things you get for 8 dollars are quite crappy... I rather have two chicken crisps and a yogurt at our favorite's red haired lassie's fastfood. With 3 dollars I kill the one who attacks without mercy and I don't stay hungry. I dislike spending so much in food when there are other needs... I dislike how people use these gatherings as masquerades to see who is better than who... But that's me.

Today is the whole Administration and Services lunch, courtesy of the bosses. It will be here in our conference and will be the usual thing... Pork ham, rice and gandures, tembleque and a refreshment... Maybe some typical music... Maybe some games... The mandatory gift exchange (which I decided not to participate as last year, since the first 3 years I actually got no gift). Will try taking the afternoon off since dear auntie wants to celebrate her weekly ritual of bank-grocery today... at evening... a friday on Xmas weekend... Ugh! Double take of ugh for me!

So... Have some plans with the mage tonight and may have some necessary things to do tomorrow... If any of you kiddies need me call me up. And naughty or nice, I am a 3 Kings Day gift giver, so expect only good wishes on the 25th. LOL Yes, I kinda like supporting our true root traditions... Sadly, almost no one else do.

Don't let the Old Red Fat Guy bite you!

10-4

Up and down...

round and round...

Today… A rollercoaster of emotions and feelings… Happyness thanks to my mage’s messages, and outrage thanks to all situations at work… which simply translate to nothing… translating again to staleness, immobility, been tied up inside a car’s trunk waiting for someone to throw the car in the deeper end of the sea… Those who don’t expect much of life get what they want. Since I expect everything of life, and work towards it, I get nothing. And the worst thing you can do to someone who has so much desire to do things is to simply push her inside a dark room and forget she exists. Nothing more to expect in here, nothing else to look forward to. Frustration turned into a hopelessness filled with anger… because no matter what I do or how well I do things, no matter how much one surpasses the norm… one cannot grow.

So I want to leave… And just yesterday an industry layoff 800 people in Cabo Rojo… Industries keep closing. Talented people with BAs and MBAs keep getting off the island to search better luck in Uncle Sam’s territory… What is to become of this society where people are mostly uninterested in progress, where the government keep allowing industries to go away thanks to lack of incentives and stupid useless taxes that in the end are not used for the island’s sake… where younglings keep killing themselves off because of drugs… where the good die alone and in misery, and the bad rule and take all the money and laughs in your face… I can’t stay with crossed arms doing nothing, witnessing insanity and recklessness… Am I to become another statistic of the ones that choose to leave this place because the shit stinks too much? Am I to go and never turn back, because the first to turn their backs to me where family and friends and then government and hypocrites?

This is a land of unsurpassed beauty, and as every Eden there is a curse… Humans… Damn humans that get some luck and want more and more at the expense of anything and anyone, and who will stop at nothing to accomplish those means. Our leaders direct blind sheep that only care about 3 reasons of weight: red, green and blue. Any portorro knows the meaning of these colors… hallowed birds that forecast the end of reason and the doom of progress and equity. Political divisions divide my land in an irreparable way. It is the way that keeps the dumb even dumber, that gives a razzle dazzle to make people believe that leaders are working for the people while masquerading their thefts…And even if they are unmasked, actions mean nothing… colors are the only reason for validation, for power… Colors! No matter the education… no matter the insight… Just colors…

I am fed up with all this. Working in government has left q bitter taste in my mouth… It has been a time where I have rot in an office and where people have confined me to alienation because I actually look forward to earning a living doing the unthinkable… actually working. Frustrated… Angry… Bitter… Merry Xmas to me.

Take work away from me, and then you take away my woes. Personal life is blissfully surreal… Finally that jigsaw puzzle has been solved… The mage cast a powerful spell when he came back from the lands of mists… The soundness and certainty of it all is the greatest gift I could have wished for… If all this has been possible, then something can be done about work… I know that everything has been falling in place, little by little. Time has been diligent and swift and very kind. I ask only for the piece that could make everything perfect… I believe it can be so. I hope it doesn’t take me away from my homeland… But I am realistic in my thoughts and things are going from bad to worst in this Island of Paradise… Let the best option come to me as everything else has… I believe, miracles happen all the time in the most unexpected ways...

So… Sad but happy but hysterical but mad… Oh yes, always the mad witch.

10-4

I'm comin out!

... (ombliguito)

So... The merryness of Xmas is not too evident, but hey... shit happens. I still have not been able to put up the tree at my house and at auntie's house... I may take the one at work, put it in a trash bag and take it home so at least there is something merry in the house... LOL Much bitchiness coming from auntie these days... because everything is my fault. The luck of being the only one there to blame... Whatever.

Got a card from my father with a much appreciated and needed gift. Now the cisterna is a certain thing. Wheeeeeeeeeee! Been taking food to eat dinner at Michael's and spend a bit of time with the ogre. And the mage has been teleporting to my office so at least he gets to see me in daylight... Pass the BBQ. Tomorrow will be a lunchtime activity at Franco... piggy bank must break some... And on Friday they will do a small Xmas gathering at lunch as well... Geesh... Work is such a fun place... Disney, eat your heart out!

ABOUT FRIENDS

The doctor seems happy with the way Groundel is recperating. He has muscle tissue covering what was a hole... Pictures in his Groundel's Fotolog Yeah, it is taking shape. And you cannot see the bone and everything else that was quite raw and obvious before.

Coriolis attacked by the blues, but hanging on. Like all, things pass... Be certain that everything either good or bad must pass. And it all is for the better.

Can't say much about Raven, she's been busy and missing in action. Heard that she might have some days off work... Should try planning something, a Xmas gathering o algo.

LightShadow with only a seminar to graduate, amen to that. The big plan will come together, Hannibal said it. :)

Popu, don't stop taking care of that foot. Glad that you finally got a lair to call your own, nothing like ultimate peace and quiet!

LadyDeath, stay away from white! What's on your Santa wishlist?

And finally, Zordak... Being his thoughtful, kind self... Always making me feel as the queen I am. He's pulling some things together, and all for the best. He never ceases to surprise me, and amaze me...

ABOUT ME

Life: Busy. Too much to do, too little time. Plotting and planning and viewing alternatives for the main event. And plotting and being spontaneus about going around... The noise of people in shopping mode and the city jams are quite annoying... Finding myself in wanderlust through the woodlands listening to Native American Indian music...

Feelings: Soundness, certainty... A bit sad. Much happy. Much optimistic. Much blessed. Good things come to those who wait, and to those who are nice all year round... Sooner or later (or like in this case, much later) there is a big reward... The Grinch cannot take that away.

Well... Not into a deep Xmas spirit, but enough to at least wish you all many blessings, above all peace of mind and quietness in your hearts...

10-4

Of time past...

(how poetic)LOL

Friday: Went to pick up Groundel so we waited at auntie’s until the mage arrived from work to go see Eragon. Hmm… What can I say about the movie? Too fast, no character development and too much “Use the Force Luke”. The acting was terrible, the only interesting thing in the movie was the different shots of the city within the waterfall… And the dragoness sucked. Start by analyzing WHY an egg would look like a Tylenol caplet… They could have done so much better… Seems directors don’t get that there were two periods: Before LotR and After LotR. And “after” demands more attention to detail and plots, not trying to feed a vein with hog food.

Saturday: Was in a bad mood for seeing people, so as soon as I got together with the mage I asked him to boldly go were noone has gone before… o algo… LOL We took the scenic route, to Arecibo and back, through Utuado went to visit Caguana by chance (native Indians ceremonial park…sort of, what is left of it…). Passed by Lares and San Sebastián and got in time for church… It was a good long day. The journey was delightful, so much green and crowdless roads while listening to native American Indian music… The flutes are quite enthralling.

Sunday: Woke up too early for my taste… Cleaned up the kitties room, had to run to get some litter trash bags and return asap… Stayed with the kids while dying my hair, slept a little nap… And finally got out of aunties to meet the mage at night. Bad became just the right amount of great, and so the tale ends happily ever after. Wheeeeeee, or something. Back home, went to sleep quite fast… No message from the ogre, I wonder how things went with his endeavour…

Monday: At work… This should be last week before the 2 weeks shutdown… Yay! Well, we all hope that will come true, at least I know I need a longer break to forget about this cursed place for a while…

This seems interesting for a small read: The Tripple A's of a Great Relationship No pun intended ;)

LadyDeath: Oh, never use Same... It is a bad imitation of what sugar should taste like, plus it is also bad for the body. Trust Splenda, it tastes better and has no long-term side effects. All in all, keep on with the sweets. Have you thought about selling diabetic sweets? That's a great niche, especially here!

10-4

Twilight of the Giants...

o algo...

Tuesday: After a conversation at midday the brilliant idea of asking something to an old DM triggered many emotions… At night, the mage had already taken some steps a bit too fast. Well… Shit happens. At least no harm done, so far…I think that she is playing dumb when she asked what he wanted to tell her… My two cents. Coriolis gave some insight to my clouded thoughts… guess I need some evil thoughts to burst my bubbles. I believe in change and can still fall into naivety… I must be very much aware that some people enjoy evil acts… I have been witness to that since forever. And I should expect anything by now… Whatever. If she plays dumb, hey, that can work.

Wednesday: Afternoon off. Stopped by the mage’s den, then went on to take auntie to the cursed bank and to do the grocery endeavor. Got a message from the orc asking if I wanted pollo, but since the date was already sorted asked him for a raincheck for next day. Went with the mage to dine some fancy fishy… the buttler made us feel so special, he really earned his tip! :P Visited our place to figure nothing new has been done so far thanks to the constant rain. Actually went to sleep by 10pm… I was falling asleep as I talked…

Thursday: Morning at Aguadilla, afternoon at my office, night at Michael’s and LadyDeath’s. She made some arroz con dulce and delivered to some people. It was good enough, just a hint: Splenda and sugar don’t mix. It should be either one taste or another… Adventures of the Palate! On the next… Geraldo! Browsing some fed jobs and some local gov jobs… Felt the urge to go. If only every job offer I read would not seem so pathetic… And if only they were not in the Metro Area…

Friday: Presentation of the demo site for one of the branches, they like, me happy. Midday went with two burritos and nice phone company. Coming back actually got a yahoo im from LadyRyoko… Talk about ghosts reappearing! I guess that news took flight and by now are burning every corner… So, ask if any questions... freely and unafraid. So I’m guessing that finally Trilogy knows for sure. Hopefully things will simply stay as they are. No drama. No troubles. The mage and I do not need any kind of misbehavior from anyone but ourselves. Hopefully will watch Eragon tonight.

10-4

Reverie!

About Bdays and cats and people...

I am deeply sorry to announce that Eiji, Lady Death’s kitty, passed away last night. She had leukemia, and had grown weaker by the day… She will be sorely missed.

Another B-day passed, on Dec 10th... Happy B-DAY RAVEN!!!

Some trouble in Neverland, thanks to some differences of opinions that cannot be easily overcome… But… There is ALWAYS a way. It is all a big pity that people won’t give in to tolerance and reach some middle points. I wish that the different groups that makes up our daily lives would forget about the past and embrace what is now… without distortions of any kind… without misunderstandings… with open communication… I have always disliked the failure to address things to the face and the willingness they all have for doing things behind one’s back. Of all the people, only two speak directly to me even if what they have to say will anger me… and they are Coriolis and Zordak. Everyone else hit around the bush, and they go around it so much that they get lost in the way. Silence is omission, and that is why it is a fault as big as a lie. I believe that if you have something to say, you should just say it. Trust is the main ingredient among friends, and an acceptance of the whole is the cherry of the sundae… We are not clones. We are meant to be different, in every way… And it is beautiful when different cultures, minds, beliefs, opinions, characters and humans can band together for one common goal: Really living.

Once upon a time unlikely people met by chance’s desire to be creative… too creative. Somehow the small snow ball became a big ball of shit that covered us all. We all took sides, separated for good… or for bad… Truth went buried in the process, buried by hate and anger and fear… The Dark Side reigned without boundaries. Now, more than 15 years later, feelings of unease linger… I know who I was for them, and what I will always be. I am very realistic in what to expect from people. I know what they were for me, how deeply I cared and how deeply they backstabbed me. Right here, right now, I feel nothing. As time passed by I even dared to manage a hello and a smile, and they turned their faces. As time passed I realized my so-called hate turned to pity, because I began seeing them as the little people who were troubled because of life’s accidents, because not everyone can survive a battle without scars. Through it all there are lists of bad things that were targeted towards me, things I did not deserve. But I know how they all twisted the truth to make it their own truth… and how some that called themselves my friends became the first ones to encourage such things, such lies. The ball of shit landed on all… No problem for me, it was easy to clean off because I had done nothing bad towards anyone. Indeed, all I tried to do was them understand that we could have worked so well as a tribe of outcasts… that each of us had a defined purpose… that we should not cannibalize ourselves but work for us all… Throw pearls to pigs… They will loose them or eat them. So sad… because those people impacted my life so much, and even if it was in the beginning I did looked up to them. I guess that was the early lesson that I still don’t acknowledge: Get used to disappointment. I don’t need them. I have some fond memories of them all… I have too many bad memories, but choose to let it stay as that. As years pass, you understand that you waste much time in petty fights, in petty beliefs… Big bangs that happen out of meaningless things… And then you understand that the most important thing was surviving… and those who survived with you. Not every man has truly lived…

What an intermission in my history… What a gap in the Matrix… The years of Dungeons and Dragons shall always be one of the fondest memories… I was changed forever. I met the ones who mattered most in my life, for better or for worst. And childhood friends were tested as well… Some failed. Some survived… One childhood friend always remains to remind me of who I was, who I dreamt to be… She always inspired me, made me keep hope. Through ups and downs, through rise and fall… a constant warmth, a giving smile. It’s been 20 years, and although life has been harsh and unkind to her, she still has that giving smile that I admire so much. Many things have come between us, many people of the wrong kind… many misunderstandings due to lack of communication and bountiful assumptions. But somehow she managed to always be there, even if Titanic sank she survived… even if a cataclysm tore the lands apart, she survived. And so far, the fondness and friendship has survived as well… although things are never as I want them to be. I learned the way of the tribe but somehow I am always forced to dismiss it… People regard friends as people. The very few I call my friends are my family. For people I have no right to ask or expect anything, for me I am always responsible for my tribe… my chosen family. For people I worry too much, and I am so controlling… For me, if I don’t worry and move to find answers no one else will. Always clashing perspectives… I wish they could grasp reality in a different way, but their own reality clutters their sight so much they have even lost sight of their fondest dreams… and in that chaos, in the half-truths, in the silent omissions… it all pushes me away… I’ve fought the currents for long, to get to them… It is time they face them for a change. I am tired. I am disappointed. I am hurt. My tribe has forsaken me by choice. It saddens me deeply.

The world keeps spinning, and we all shall meet again… somehow, somewhere. The question is: Who grew up? Who hasn’t? Who holds grudges? Who savors life? Who is true? Who lives a lie? Who is your truest ally? Who is your truest foe? No truth is absolute, but deceit always carries heavy burdens... As of here and now I find solace and strength and courage in my mage. But it doesn’t mean that I forget… or that I ignore… or that I don’t know… I wish I could share the bliss that we bring to each other with the people that matter… It gets tiresome finding so many obstacles… nothing is ever easy… Let go of the evil that is done to you, write it in sand… And keep the good that is done to you, write it in stone… Are we all tough enough?

10-4

Busy bees...

Another weekend that came easy and went easy… Of the myriad of things to do only a few could be done… We are not masters of time, and it is betraying us badly.

SATURDAY

Woke up early and went on to get my eyeglasses… but found they had a defect on the lenses, so had to leave them… They should be ready by Thursday. After that, went on with the mage to get some needful things and big bags of chicken. So… Delivered one bag of chicken to Groundel, delivered the second to the Keeper, and finally went to auntie’s so we could get the A/C and TV so we would get it to our soon-to-be home. On the way, Coriolis called asking where were we… We were to eat something before heading to Hormigueros and so Coriolis appeared to share a few words. Being the comfortable whore he is, when asked to help deliver the A/C he vanished. So much for having muscles… Anyway… Arrived home under the rain, and we kinda unloaded my car… We put the Xmas tree and its décor on the second floor but left the A/C on the first. I could not help the mage bring it up and I didn’t want him to die or something. So… Wrote on the walls so the McGyver guy will know where the ceiling leaks are, and where I want the A/C… We went to Walmart to gather kitty stuff, and then to eat something before mass.

Arrived at church. Before the mass, the priest came to us and joked around with the mage… basically telling him to say “Amen”and not to bite him. I found it hilarious that the priest had a Twilight Zone t-shirt underneath his ceremonial attire. So… The mass went on, and the mage expected to follow my lead when the time arrived… Little did he suspect that the priest would call him alone, announcing his first communion to everyone. I wanted to laugh so badly, since I knew how ackward the moment was for him, he hates being in the spotlight. He walked back to the seat quite serious. Well, I admit I was quite happy and proud of him. A small step for men… The priest was quite in a good mood, later on asking people to give an applause to him. Then he also gave the blessing to a married couple that was celebrating their 33 years… He mused what a life long sentence! And then after blessing he asked for an applause after stating “lets give it for the newlyweds!”. Yes, this priest is quite a happy funny guy… And it is ironic that most of the time he is sick and in pain… But he changes completely when at mass. And at the end, kids always go to him for a blessing. After mass he congratulated the mage and told him to go celebrate… Well… Duh! LOL

We planned going to the theater but since the mage got two movies we simply crashed at his den and watched Phantom of the Opera. I fell in love with that movie when it came out, actually renting it 3 times… A nice way to celebrate, o algo.

SUNDAY

Woke up before midday, and went on to do the laundry and clean up my bedroom. The whole thing took me until almost 5:00pm… Again, the kitties where left for later. Groundel arrived around that time, and so stayed for a while. We had a bit of fun over the net, helped him give a facelift to his MySpace profile, and when the mage arrived we all went to eat something. After we delivered him to Michael’s home, went with the mage to see Apocalypto. The movie had breathtaking attention to detail. They made history quite gruesome and realistic, for that is the way things were… Found it a bit long due to the constant runs… and actually the movie was two hours, not so much… But besides that, it was nicely done.

Arrived at home at midnight, to find that I left the keysin my bedroom… After some moments of despair, the mage went over the house and knocked at the ceiling. That got my aunts attention so she finally opened up… LOL I know she must have had quite a scare…

Today… Will be working on the CAME site… The director needs it for this week, so I will humor her. So… Foresee a busy day.

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B-day!

and then some...

Monday brought LadyDeath’s birthday, so… HAPPY B-DAY!!! LOL Groundel contacted me in the afternoon so we could gather in the night at Lady Death’s home to at least share a dinner. Would have brought cake if I had known they had none, but Groundel still has communication issues… Always the ogre in his blood… Whatever. The mage manifested himself near midnight. And the guy working at our house passed by to give updatesand info. So far, so good. There may be a slight chance that all basics are done by the end of year… Yay!

Tuesday... Spent the whole day working on the intranet site... Took auntie to the grocery store and browsed a sucky home magazine. The mage arrived in time as I was beginning to fall asleep...

Today I should work on the CAME site. The director wants something for next week, so I'll see if I can do something decent as a demo. Tomorrow I have to wake up early to get the bus to SJ, got the interview for the counseling studies thinguie. Wish me success!

Coriolis with a special mission… (You know what). Raven lurking around in the shadows. And ghosts tripping, tossing and turning… Macarena!

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Hectic, fully loaded!!!

And some sleep...Amen!

It was a long weekend… Friday night I basically went home and went to sleep by 8pm… Have a remote memory of the mage calling, since I kept on sleeping. I even missed the morning appointment since there was a power outage and the clock resetted itself… Woke up by 10am. So… Decided to do what I should have done the day before…

Groundel had asked me to get him some medical stuff, so went to the pharmacy to get it all. After the pharmacy went to try finding a plastic box, a small quest since most were priced above $5 and I wouldn’t pay that much… Finally found the perfect box for $2… Wheee o algo. Since I couldn’t find the mage, went on to Michael’s home. At first there was noone, and when I was about to turn around and go away a car arrived with the 4 musketeers… Delivered the stuff, including a small mouse that sings a silly Xmas song… Finally reached the mage by phone, and went to pick him up so we could eat something… On the way to his den, the leather place was open so I bought some brown leather for the old chandelier that needed some fixing up… It should look cool when I do the DIY project… Anyway… Stayed at the den until nightfall, then went home to prepare ourselves for the main event: the mage’s corporate party.

Well… After some procrastination we finally went on to San Germán. We arrived around 9:30pm, and there was no parking space at the place, so we were sent to the company’s parking lot where a shuttle was coming and going. The party was a bit dead, the music choice sucked badly… The food was ok, and the frappe was supper. After a while at the ground floor, we decided to search for a table so we went up. At what can be called the 3rd floor we found the perfect spot. Just when we gave up and decided to go because the party was too boring, some indoors fireworks exploded. That was a cool and lovely fire hazard… nevermind that… people definitively didn’t as they got closer to the source of the fireworks… STUPID. Oh, well… A group made an entrance, and in my opinion they were the best entertainment of the night. Typical, some bomba and plena can liven up anything. They were outstanding… And they presented Manny Manuel, who played afterwards… Ugh! That’s when we left. I dislike that guy… and he was in charge of the rest of the night. So… It was around 2am when we arrived home. Did I mentioned that we both had to wake up at 6:30am on Sunday? Well… what a plan… Logged in to check some mail and 4am arrived. Went to sleep, and the mage woke me up at 6:20am… Creatures of the night should never go into the sunlight…

Sunday morning… early morning… We arrived at PabloXI and the whole closure prenup began officially at 8am. The first conference was cool, of course it was made by Velez Arocho… who had to take a flight by 10am but took the time to be there. The guy doesn’t cease to amaze me. From that, the other conferences kept going downhill… I was too drained and too sleepy and they were too repetitive and too boring. Finally, mass and the end of it all. Visited my doctor to get a prescription and gathered bread and juice for today. By 8pm left the mage at his home and went on to mine, to sign off by 9pm. Finally… Sleep… That was delightful.

Today, the day has gone slowly… Got a call from the guy that is doing things in my house, he’s almost finished with the doors and ceiling sealing stuff and was asking if I needed anything else done in cement. That has been the excitement of the morning… So… Tired, but not sleepy. Next weekend should be putting-up-Xmas-trees weekend… That should be fun.

Later kiddies…

10-4

News, news, news

Just a FYI, so no one gets lost… or stays behind!

ABOUT GROUNDEL:

At Michael’s home, kinda stranded in there for now… At least there is a big TV with a big comfy couch… That’s the life… LOL The home care company began their job yesterday. The head nurse went to give her evaluation and change the diapers… ermm… bandages from the foot. He’s gotta keep the leg raised, walk as little as possible. I FINALLY got to see the wound… It is closing up. I saw only muscles and cel tissue, no arteries or bone or icky stuff showing… Looks like apiece of raw ham… Cool. The nurse said that the doctor did a good job giving Groundel a clean, even cut… and that it is healing nicely. For those of you interested, the boy has a prepaid celphone, so you may call him at (787) 464-6840. He’s got long hours of boredom ahead during the weekdays, so any help on that matter is deeply appreciated. I took his papers to the university, and that is rolling. They told me that he has nothing to worry about, since he is a special case because of the sickness matter he will get a complete down status so he doesn’t have to pay anything this semester. Amen to that. Gotta see if either me or Lady Death get his papers to the Social Security so he gets financial help for his dissability. Also, gotta see if we can get the car permit for handicapped so whenever he is a passenger he gets the easy spots. A cousin of his is getting the transportation for the Hormigueros thing. So… Slowly, it is all coming together. He should go to Vocational Rehabilitation so he gets help with getting a prothesis, and so he gets financial aid if he wants to finish studying or something… they can do a lot if he lets them… if he actually gets interested in progressing.

ABOUT FRIENDS:

Coriolis seems busy this week… surrounded by stupidity as usual.

Raven called me the other day telling me about her dad and his obsession with the painting that I did for him… Gosh! From Father’s Day until now, and the guy keeps going on his awe for the thing… He’s got too much time on his hands… LOL The new thing about me giving it hidden messages or something is hilarious. Why would I do that when it was 3-4am and I was panting in uncontious mode? Was my subcontious speaking? Allegedly, there is a man hidden underneath and a woman… Go ahead and try your best to find them, if you are bored enough. Camuy Caverns: a.k.a. Place for Dead People? ;)

LadyDeath seems to be preparing so she comtinues studying in January. I hope so, and if that is the case GOOD, very very good. Do not waste time.


ABOUT THE MAGE:

Well, yesterday he missed work because he fall asleep. Is that the new syndrome in the western area? LOL Hopefully that will not have adverse effects. Everything else is as peachy as can be… Trying to find out details and who can make the Castlevania white suit… Thinking and dreaming and planning and putting together lots of stuff in his mind. Gotta love the elven candor… Tomorrow morning is the church Communion thing, and at night is the J&J party. Sunday starts early at 7:30am for the whole day closure workshop of the pre-mat courses… Zombiefyed mage on a dish… On the next Geraldo!

ABOUT ME:

At week’s end, amen. I need to rest, but I will whine another day. The weekend will be quite full… But hopefully is the last one that will be so hectic and rushed. Have not been able to put Xmas décor on my house or on auntie’s house… That will be next week’s job. I did put some décor at my office… a nice little Xmas tree on my desk, and candycanes and season’s mints on the door… It looks happy. I was not gonna do any decoration at work, but realized that after all God has been good to me so I better celebrate his birth. Yes, weird thought… Who knows… Maybe Xmas will get to be a happy celebration for me after so many years of mourning it… Plans for next year? Two important things… Marrying the mage is the most important, life changing event... due on the first half of the year. The second should be going back to college during August-October, either for a Master in Counseling, or in Industrial Psychology, or a Doctorate in Business. Nothing else beyond those two main stones… Like I need more… Well… Actually, I wouldn’t mind FINALLY going to the Horror Nights… But that is another story…

I feel things are falling in place, little by little. After the big storm came the big calm… and it is not the eye of the hurricane, but a calm that is marked by bliss and neverending peace. Who knew… I feel empowered and blessed. Nothing can stop me now… Well… All I need now is some time to SLEEP! Please? Just an hour? Some minutes? Anything? Hmm?

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