Pissed? Me? Nah!

(what a concept)

So... It is Sunday. The sun came out to shine over my wicked house, and peace and harmony strike back as they should… But the series of unfortunate events from the last week has left a bitter aftertaste. One thing is having emotional flips due to pregnancy raging hormone changes, another thing is when the emotional flips come from people’s lack of consideration. I should be at a blissful, loving home, surrounded by serenity and loving support. Rip off that mask. My life has never been about bliss or happiness or even being contempt. Every rose has not one but many thorns. And do not get me wrong, I would give my life for my roses… but damn, they sting so hard! And there is so much one can take…

About yesterday's baby shower... It didn't happen. Details here... Rosered: A place for a Baby Shower flop.

Beneath my rage and anger and disappointment there is no contempt, there is no settling for puny pieces of what should be… Why is it that the simple things are the ones I cannot have? One moment of joy seems the prize of an endless ethereal quest. It is ok, I can handle anything… I am a fearless warrioress after all… But what happens when the deepest wounds come from the close friends you have… because they carelessly toss your heart to the floor and feast on its blood? I don’t know what to think… how to feel… I value actions over intentions, truth over white lies. I know what lays beneath the flesh and bones of my few acquaintances… And it is quite hurtful that it seems they know nothing about me, about what makes me happy, about what is important to me. No one and nothing makes me cry, but yesterday I did. Yesterday was for me one of the darkest days in many years… Everyone, willingly or carelessly or unknowingly, sunk me deeper in a pit of thorns. Why? It shall remain a mystery.

There are no answers given to me… I guess that was the big surprise after all… You don’t do things like that. People over 30 years old cannot do what a group of teenagers can? People over 30 cannot put aside their differences and work together without egos, being responsible for accepting doing something? Gimme a break. Adults… Right. But it certainly was not one person’s fault. It was everyone’s fault. Each one showed off their Achiles talon. And in the end, it was also my fault for not doing what I always do when I want something… simply doing it myself.

These last days have been a journey that revealed many things… About life, about people, about friends… Everyone is eager to put blames but no one takes responsibility for the broken glass… Groundel mentioned to me today that I should have expected what happened yesterday because I know all the people involved… and they did what they always do. So it was my fault for believing pigs could fly… Loving, encouraging Groundel… always being himself. But he has a point after all. Coriolis will always be himself, Raven will always be herself, and LightShadow will be herself too. Of this trio, the less selfish is LighShadow, who is always trying her best to keeps things happy, always the mediator… But Coriolis and Raven… and even Groundel (sight)… I rather make no comments…

A scorpion asked a swan to take him across a lake for he needed to reach the other side and couldn’t swim. Other animals had said no, but the swan saw no threat in helping him since she figured out that he would not harm her as he needed the ride. And so, the scorpion got on the swan, and she began swimming across the lake… A few moments later, as the swan made a sudden movement to avoid entangling herself in some vines, the scorpion sting her. The swan’s last words were “What have you done? I was helping you cross the lake! Now we will both drown!”. And the scorpion answered “I am sorry, I didn’t mean it. It’s what I do”.

My deepest sympathies to the mage, for he was the target of many attacks in the last couple of days… Some he REALLY deserved, but some he did not. I am truly sorry... I know it all has also been very VERY stressful to you too... And still, you are there for me. Thank you, for everything. I love you, always.

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