Buahahahahahahaha!
Met by chance an interesting dark entity named Ravyn. In her blog she has one title that got my attention : “Don’t try to fix me, I am not broken”. Hilarious. She’s goth, and narrates how she must struggle against normal people who either try to “help” her or men that have a “savior” complex. Speaking with her I see a kin soul… She has a void nothing can fill, neither love, nor family or success… The sadness that comes up whenever a charade of bliss and happiness becomes tiresome. She tried once to belong to the normal world, but living a whole lie, appearing as you are not, is both burdensome, tiresome, and beyond stupid. So now she shows her true colors within the goth philosophy, which was her way of thinking from the beginning after all… It was odd to hear her complain about feeling everything, being empathic and all emotions-feelings is one of her greatest flaws… and messes up her life… and doesn’t help the void… My, did I relate to that! And yes, one knows love, and still love cannot fill the great void… just patch it up for a while.
My all-feelings, all-emotions being has been responsible for mayor catastrophic events in my life. And I cannot help it… although I’ve tried… I’ve been preached that I must be logical and make sound decisions, but my nature is not logic and cold calculations… My nature is basing actions on feelings… And somehow I can get what people feel as well, adding to me as I absorb everything as a sponge… It is not something I want to do, it is something that happens automatically… Because it is in my nature. Why should I care to have the burden of straightening everything I see and feel is wrong? Simple realization can answer that: If I don’t, no one else would care to do so. And it doesn’t really matters what everyone else does or don’t, what matters is what I can or can’t do… In the end it is me with all my own personalities chatting over coffee and a cinnabun… Even if sadness and ultimate loneliness engulfs me, it feels good to stand for what I believe is important, to go ahead and try fixing all wrongs I encounter… No one said it would be an easy task or that it all would be appreciated… especially by humankind… Whatever you do must be for yourself, for your beliefs, for your will and your own inspiration.
I’ve always done what I felt was right, even if it has been the less logical of all alternatives. I just know that logical is not for me… and would have left me feeling worst. The cruel, icy bitch that most think I am is a mask that I wear without any thoughts about it… Seems that is the only defense mode that I can have… Sometimes it works, as my enemies really think so much ill from me… But somehow even appearing so anti-humankind is nothing compared to the ability I have to attract problem people and allow them to feel they can trust me because I am a tomb. Yup, it’s a “careful with the bitch, she’s daughter of Satan” that comes glued to “but she has a kind heart and you can trust her, so bare your soul to her”… It’s a duality I don’t understand quite well, but that by now I accept… Ah, the empath… The worst is knowing the answers to problems but having to stand by because people wont hear them or have them… Which feeds the sadness on a constant basis… It’s the core truth of being alive in this rotten world: Sadness and pain will come in a constant basis, no matter where you turn… And that feeds the void one feels… It’s not a wanting to feel this way, but a feeling this way because it seems that’s simply what we do… Some of us are dark gifts brought to this world, to make a difference even if it’s small… to initiate things, to act, to fight back… Even against common beliefs, even if against all odds. So nothing will ever be right, because we are over-flooded with so much to do… because this world needs lost of fixing up. So the pain that we feel within our souls fuels our actions… and has a reason of being. The never ending wheel that rolls and rolls… A purpose ruled by the will of the Divine… We are little dark gifts. Humanity, enjoy!
10-4
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