I feel today as if I had lost everything worth living for. I am beyond sad, I am beyond tired, I feel that once again wishes and goodwill betrayed me… I would like things to be different, but sadly they can’t be. I must be alone, for a time. It’s not about feeling lonely, which I do anyway, but I need isolation. I am in deep need of deep thinking and re-evaluating my goals if there are any left… I am in deep need of healing myself from the world, getting rid of all the dark stuff that tries to get the best of me day by day… I need a break from time and place and space… I need to run away and grasp the simple life, enjoy a sunset once more, spot a butterfly and run after it… I need rejuvenation of spirit and thought. I need a reawakening of all my senses, a re-affirmation of all I am worth.

Last night I had a dream that made me so sad… About white roses and a lake. It is ironic, but the more things change the more they stay the same… in a way. I’ll always love my Knight of the White Rose. Not even in dreams he stays…

Anyway… At work. I feel dizzy, the big headache is driving me crazy, pills doesn’t work and people are driving me insane with their plea for internet… I wanna go home… Sadly, there is no home for me to go to.

10-4