I'll be violet for a while, purple pansies fill my heart...

So in honor of my true name which can be kept as Vi for short, and in honor of my hair, I changed the site's look. Still some is in the red mode, but it will be over by Sunday.

Gotta sleep.

10-4

Pissed... Thats the word that may descrbe best how I feel. Seems that my lack of taking my pills in the last 3 days has made me moody and non-tolerant. Whatever. But its the little things that pisses you the most...

When someone says he'll pass by and you wait and wait and he doesn't appear... that pisses you...

When you think you sort out a plan for moving out and then you get a quote of $300 bucks so you definitively must change the plans because there is no way you are paying that much for moving little stuff... that pisses you...

When you go leave the doctor's medicines list at a pharmacy and you are told to come back after midnight because the place is overloaded with requests... that pisses you...

When everyone seems to have a case of "i am studying" and somehow manages to dump their studying proyects on you even when you say you can't do it because you have no time, nothing personal... that pisses you...

When you expect some behaviors and get a cold shoulder... that pisses you...

When kitties keep asking for food and you already fed them! That is friggin pissin!

Waking up at 3am after watching Emily Rose... that pisses you...

When you watch stupid manifestations because of a killer that was murdered, and you see that people forget history and santifies the killer... that pisses!

The car having these constant lapsus of turning off the motor because the battery wires have become loosened on its own... 2 times a day... during traffic... that definitively pisses!

I am in a bad to worst state of pissingness. I need my diabetic pills and my natural stress pills... Dont worry, I'll get them by 3am... Stupid pharmacy! Stupid cats! Stupid friends! Stupid people! Stupid world!

And so, I have become Grumpy Smurf... the femme version...

10-4

Couldnt go work yesterday, had the virus. Seems today I kinda beat it off, work has been a bit gentle... So... Rainy afternoon, looking for a moving crew and for the people of house repairs... Groundel changed litters and made kitties happy. Lucinda... looked pissed on Sat. Tril is pissed in an ongoing, psychotic way. Me, I'm getting over the virus and national stupidity. I just wanna rest.

On Sun, LightShadow and Groundel brought 2 movies...
Dead Birds... Not so good, not so bad. Interesting ghosts in pain. Nice ideas normally executed. Worth the minutes spent on it.

Kun Fu Husstle... or however it is written... I really liked that movie. The fat kung fu lady rocks! I fall for banshees! Wheeeeeee!
10-4

Hurricane Rita is already fucking up New Orleans and the coast of Texas. My father and his family had to leave to San Antonio so they are safe... Hopefully nothing bad or beyond repair will happen to their home... Those houses are made with materials that are not meant to stand a hurricane. And the houses with pretty lakes near them are death traps. Here in Puerto Rico hurricanes have been pretty harmful, and help arrives from the federal government but just the necessary amount... Americans have never known or understood the way to treat a hurricane... Here in the island we withstand them as a necessary evil. Hurricanes are part of our life, we live with them... Bt the climate is changing in the whole world and there is no way for being safe. Just last week there was a sea twister in my hometown... I have never seen something like that. We were lucky that it went away as fast as it came... Nature is taking back what men has taken from her. There is no other way of putting it. It is humans fault after all... The Ozone layer is worst each second, the icebergs are melting, flora and fauna are destroyed by the minute and no one cares... Hurricanes are the beginning of the tangible manifestation of Nature's wrath... And we are responsible for it, because we take Nature for granted and we hurt her constantly... Hurricanes and twisters are but a taste... California should beware, the predictions for a catastrophic earthquake are too obvious.

Anyway... FEMA from the states take puertorrican FEMA agents whenever there is a hurricane emergency because our people KNOW how to prepare and battle the effects of such a monster. It's interesting that this is not highlighted too much... The land of the free still enslaves by racism and ignorance... Well... Time shows them lessons that creates some deep impacts on them. In a way, this is important so they become more aware of the important things in life. The material world is lended. But spirituality is the only true thing we can hold within our grasp. Hopefully this lesson shines through all the despair and pain and death.

10-4

Friday 23:
Grito de Lares
and
Bought my house...

Yay! Im a HOMEOWNER!!! Thanks for all the good vibes, people! :D

The Brothers Grimm: Nice take on storytelling. Loved the twisted version of Snow White, the evil queen looked awesome. Who's the fairest of them all? Awww, the halfling has grown up… In this new character he is the oppossite of Sam, he is cocky and selfish. Anyway, loved the wolf-wolfwere transformation. And loved the huntress, little miss Snow White… cursed one… LOL If you can see it, go. If not, wait for it on dvd.

The newsflash: I'll FINALLY do the house closing on Friday! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Everything else is the same… I'm sad, still… but moving. I should do the big moving out of the apartment either Sunday or definitively next week… Have until Friday the 30th… Kitties are behaving weird… It's like they know change is coming… Big change…

10-4

It is a little bit funny, this feeling inside… I feel sadness and happiness converging into a mixed feeling brew that looks sassy and delicious. I just wrote a long babble about it, but Fate had its first wicked thrust and it was erased… So… I talked about my feelings, a lot about them… I talked about Death. But it was not a bad talk, Death is a cool gal.

“And if I die today I’ll be a happy phantom, and I’ll go chasing the nuns out in the yard…”

LOL Nah, really, I wouldn’t chase nuns… Maybe friends and foes, but leave the nuns to their prayers, ok? Whatever… Mixed feelings… Like a bowl of mixed tropical fruits, yummy… I guess… If I die today it wouldn’t be so bad. If I die today I would be ok with it. I have the memories of tasting the best things in life, Love, Friends, Money, and even 5 seconds of Fame. No complaints. I have been a creative entity, and all my life that fact has been reinforced. Work, play, studies, dreams, hopes, reality, EVERYTHING has evolved around my creative pulsings, and so everything has been good even in its own odd way. I rise in my cloud above the utilitarian day by day of the little people, with hard work I have earned my instruction and my job status, and my hearth shaped golden values that go on against the storms of today’s ignorance and lack of ethics, morals and love.

I have a good life. I am surrounded by love even if it is not the love I want… but it is love and its value shall not me underestimated… I have friends that would take a bullet for me, I have the unconditional love of my 8 feline companions, I have the never-ending love of my aunt, I have tasted True Love and its ramifications, I know that although I may seem to walk alone I'm never alone. I have the mind, the heart, the creativity, the spontaneity, the will, the courage, and the warmth… I have enough material things to live, and to share. I have enough belief and faith to know that my purpose is big and that I may not be aware of what it is but I may be doing just what was fated in a way… I am my own, have not sold my soul or my beliefs to anyone, have not bent my knee for false beliefs or false prophets. I have been patient, and kind, and tough and swift. I have been a warrior at times, pleading mercy for some, bringing justice to others. I am not afraid, never have been and won’t start now… Truth, honor, faith, loyalty, courage… they have all been my shields in battle and so I have not been defeated. In this world of loss and ill thoughts and ill actions and rotten souls, I have survived. I am still innocent in my ways, I still keep hope and belief… I still dream…

So if I die today, I’ll be a happy phantom… Because I lead a good life, with good feelings and good actions… And I would feel compelled to stay and reckon my memory to those who loved me… and to torment with my visage those who wished me ill…

Whooohooo… The time is getting closer…
Whooohooo… The time to be a ghost…

Well, besides all this ghostly crap… The weekend left me strengthless and drained. Worked too much painting and the like… Today I arrived late at work because the blackouts left my clock out of focus… And I owe my life to a hungry kitty… LOL Not that anyone really noticed… Sometimes it is like I’m a ghost already…

Feeling moody. Sad about Groundel. Sad about kitties missing him. Sad about being lonely. Sad about the whole situation. Sad about leaving my Fortress of Solitude. Sad about shitty thoughts. Contempt with the best I could do. Contempt with the house thinguie… Mad it is not over yet… Contempt with friends and family… Contempt about Love, sad about Love, mad about Love… Sad I couldn’t go to SJ to celebrate Coriolis bday, sad I still have much to do and so little time to do it… Sad that help is not coming my way as I want it… Contempt that I breathe thanks to Flonase, that I walk even in sleep, that I can work even if I hate what I do, that I have so much that others lack… Contempt that I know I am blessed with many things, most of them intangible and invisible. Happy that my life is good, have always been throughout storms and shadows… Happy I have not surrendered, I am still my self, my own… Happy I’m still a dream to some, but a nightmare to others!

10-4

Mounted AC on aunties small room, painted half the room... Small room looking good. Kitties and mistress shall be very pleased. Today... hopefully nice social butterfly day, for some kicks.
10-4

You are Mary Bell. At the ripe old age of 10 you
strangled a neighbor boy, afterwhich you carved
your initals into his skin. At his funreal you
laughed. Your next victim was a 3 year old. You
pushed him off the roof, resulting in a broken
skull. After he was found you went to his
mothers house and asked to see him, she replied
tha t he was dead. You smiled brightly and said
'Oh, I know he's dead. I wanted to see him in
his coffin."
You horrid little girl you.
-smacks your hand-


Which Imfamous criminal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Your fated to have a Dark love.
Probably a lover of things gothic, your
artistic and original. Although you're a loner
and independent to a fault, all you will need
is him, and he will feel the same...

Please rate aaaaand... eat chocolate bars?
*cough*rate*cough* ^^

What Love are you Fated for? ~AWESOME anime pics!~
brought to you by Quizilla


You're Albert Einstein! You are incredibly smart,
although, you know that you do make mistakes
like everyone else. You are kind, but you spend
most of your time studying or doing
experiments.


Which famous (or infamous) person are you a reincarnation of?
brought to you by Quizilla


Goth


What Will Your Wedding Dress Look Like (Now With Pics)
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You chose brown eyes.
Brown eyed people are normally very romantic. You
love to daydream, and sometimes you get
confused with your own fantasies over reality.
You are pretty outgoing, but some days, all you
want to be, is alone, reading, or thinking by
yourself. You have many talants, and you will
probably have a very important job when you're
older.


The Eye color personality test
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You will be an author or poet.
You spend most of your time thinking up characters
and situations that sometimes you get caught up
in them. Come back to the real world once in a
while to jot your ideas down.
We have the next JKRowling!
Please rate and message


What is your calling in life? With manga pictures!!!
brought to you by Quizilla


People see intelligence in your eyes. You probably
enjoy reading a good book and are pretty good
at outsmarting people. You like finding the
meaning behind things and you know how to hold
an intellectual conversation. The downside of
this is that people can mistake you for a nerd
or people who aren't as smart as you will get
angry and try to bring you down. Don't let
them, though! You should prize your
intelligence and not worry about what those
people think. Btw...can you help me with my
homework?


What can people see in your eyes?(great ANIME pics)((IMPROVED!!!))
brought to you by Quizilla

Your theme song is Boulavard of Broken Dreams by
Green Day. Maybe you feel you're alone in the
world or just want to be alone. Whatever it is,
it seems your best friend is your shadow.
Whether that's from past experiances or the
fear of future ones, the world may never know.


src="http://www.boomspeed.com/starlight/brokendreams.mid"
loop=100>

src="http://www.boomspeed.com/starlight/mbanner.gif">


What's Your Theme Song?
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Artemis(Diana): goddess of the hunt and virginity.
She was sometimes thought to be the goddess of
the moon. she was born on an island because
Hera, Zeus' wife, was angry because Leto's
children were Zues's. Artemis was born then she
helped her mother deliver Apollo, her twin,
making her also goddess of childbirth. Go you!
Your a strong, independent person with a love
for parties and haing fun. You never let others
push you around and you don't change for
anyone. Please Rate and Message!


Which Goddess Are You?(Girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla


MEDIEVAL ENGLAND
Famous Ruler: King Edward III
Living Quarters: Castles
Hardship: The Black Plague
Who wouldn't want to live in the "fairy
tale-like" days of knights and castles?


What Time Period Do You Belong In? (Updated!)
brought to you by Quizilla

There was no water for quite some hours, so I had no work after 10am. Picked up the A/Cs for my aunties place, delivered dirty laundry, delivered Groundels stuff at his moms, broke a window, visited Home Depot and moved some stuff around... Tried getting a friggin driller to finish up the ACs job but... no driller at aunties and no driller at my mothers... so I guess I will get a driller tomorrow... Im tired of begin for it...

CORIOLIS B-DAY! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Best wishes to a special elvenfolk. :D

I'm very tired... Doind too much within little time... Oh, well... Cannot just rest, I guess I'll sleep when I die. LOL I must keep on going now that I have the fuel, sort of... or at least the motivation or desire...

Finally got the papers for the post-grad test. Will send it JIT to take it in October. I'll try to begin classes in Jan. Finger crossed... Won't run but wont stop... if I dont stop I'll get there.

Friends... Whoever is your friends likes you for who you are not what you've got, needs no explanations just your presence, and trusts you even if you seem misguided.
The code of Thundera must live on in their hearts... Truth, Honor, Loyalty and Justice. Inconditionality 24/7, love always and patience by the gallon... My friends know who they are, what to expect from me, why I exist. They know I mean my deals forever, I keep my word. I belong to another time and place...

Kitties are restless... Will make them behave somehow. :O

10-4

Wednesday. Still sick, but working. Yesterday the day went fast, amen… Rented Sin City and Cursed.

Sin City: Loved the story about the dead hooker. Hated the nudity but I guess it comes with the style of the story… Loved the black and white and special colors… Tarantino’s mark? Nah! LOL

Cursed: Ms.Ricci looks good, and that’s about it. Another stupid mediocre storyline about werewolves that gives nothing new to that ground… At least Underworld shed some good story hints, but this… Aw! Headache!

Today got some serious cleaning up to do, if I gather the strength during the day… Tomorrow I’ll have to go to a meeting at SJ, so it’s gonna be another looong day… Wanted to take Friday free, but thanks to my cold that may not be… depends on my traveling arrival… No further news.

10-4

Ladies and gentlemen… yes, I’m sick again. It is my natural estate by now, so big deal… I earned a sexy voice and an Olympic cathegory nose. So, I should be happy…

Yesterday had to leave work at midday. The coldness of this friggin office is deadly. I went with fever, and as I fall asleep, I had around 4 waking dreams… don’t ask me to recount because my memory has a short fuse… I just recall waking up around 4 to have lunch, sipped 5 times the lovely Lipton soup and left the rest of the plate untouched as I went back to my bed… It is a mix of sinus with physical tireness, I’m certain of it. Around 8 browsed the net for an hour, then back to bed. I didn’t get up in the whole night… I had to go get the 2 ACs for my aunt, which are paid, but couldn’t because of my sickness… Sucky day…

So, today I’m at my office. I’ll go ahead and make some tea to pass through the morning… Gotta pick up the AC’s at midday before the daily rain falls. May have to look for a soup at the pharmacy, as well as sore throat pills or liquid because I feel Hell’s opening gate is in my throat… I look like the demonic gypsy from Abyss… black gypsy flowing skirt, lace shirt, black bandana and round sunglasses… And my getting even more paler skin… Just as if I came out of a Vampire book… LOL… Whatever…

Well… Hopefully a coworker can solve Aguadilla’s problem via VNC, if not I’ll be forced to travel and burn the servers. Saw a lovely figurine that may predict an outcome… but still wondering about the blank tarot card… Hmm…

Groundel is supposed to go job hunting at a local hotel that will be giving interviews for Rooms to Go… if he gets a shirt to do that. That’s about it.

Lucinda wants a dog for Elmira… And so the story repeats itself… LS may have a good candidate… if she can tear it from her mom’s womb…LOL

Coriolis is making real his gay-ish dreams. He has become a complete Gardening and Housekeeping Smurf. Papa Smurf is sooo proud! Yea you bet, bitch! LOL

Joe is surviving hangovers and lack of sleep… Try denying it! LOL You are too old for those games, pal. Its time you realize… And its time you stop winding up the wrong way. The right way is doing whatever it takes for your woman… I’m sorry, but gigs, work and hangovers should be the least of your priorities. Its just a loving advise. LS deserves more than lame excuses. You should drag yourself to her feet even if you are bleeding to death and your back is ripped open and feeding worms and werewolves! Ok, acid trip of the day… But you get the point.

NoName had a baby (luckily) and is hopefully in the recovery room… LOL Nah, seriously, hope your tests run smoothly and you have nothing but an Alien in your spine. :P

Over…

10-4

Thanks to LS I looked for a letter that Anne Rice wrote about New Orleans tragedy. I had looked into her site and was dissapointed to find it with no updates and especially no comments about the event... Well, she wrote an article in NYTimes, and here it is... I should learn She never disappoints. :)


September 4, 2005
Do You Know What It Means to Lose New Orleans?
By ANNE RICE, La Jolla, Calif.

WHAT do people really know about New Orleans?

Do they take away with them an awareness that it has always been not only a great white metropolis but also a great black city, a city where African-Americans have come together again and again to form the strongest African-American culture in the land?

The first literary magazine ever published in Louisiana was the work of black men, French-speaking poets and writers who brought together their work in three issues of a little book called L'Album Littéraire. That was in the 1840's, and by that time the city had a prosperous class of free black artisans, sculptors, businessmen, property owners, skilled laborers in all fields. Thousands of slaves lived on their own in the city, too, making a living at various jobs, and sending home a few dollars to their owners in the country at the end of the month.

This is not to diminish the horror of the slave market in the middle of the famous St. Louis Hotel, or the injustice of the slave labor on plantations from one end of the state to the other. It is merely to say that it was never all "have or have not" in this strange and beautiful city.

Later in the 19th century, as the Irish immigrants poured in by the thousands, filling the holds of ships that had emptied their cargoes of cotton in Liverpool, and as the German and Italian immigrants soon followed, a vital and complex culture emerged. Huge churches went up to serve the great faith of the city's European-born Catholics; convents and schools and orphanages were built for the newly arrived and the struggling; the city expanded in all directions with new neighborhoods of large, graceful houses, or areas of more humble cottages, even the smallest of which, with their floor-length shutters and deep-pitched roofs, possessed an undeniable Caribbean charm.

Through this all, black culture never declined in Louisiana. In fact, New Orleans became home to blacks in a way, perhaps, that few other American cities have ever been. Dillard University and Xavier University became two of the most outstanding black colleges in America; and once the battles of desegregation had been won, black New Orleanians entered all levels of life, building a visible middle class that is absent in far too many Western and Northern American cities to this day.

The influence of blacks on the music of the city and the nation is too immense and too well known to be described. It was black musicians coming down to New Orleans for work who nicknamed the city "the Big Easy" because it was a place where they could always find a job. But it's not fair to the nature of New Orleans to think of jazz and the blues as the poor man's music, or the music of the oppressed.

Something else was going on in New Orleans. The living was good there. The clock ticked more slowly; people laughed more easily; people kissed; people loved; there was joy.

Which is why so many New Orleanians, black and white, never went north. They didn't want to leave a place where they felt at home in neighborhoods that dated back centuries; they didn't want to leave families whose rounds of weddings, births and funerals had become the fabric of their lives. They didn't want to leave a city where tolerance had always been able to outweigh prejudice, where patience had always been able to outweigh rage. They didn't want to leave a place that was theirs.

And so New Orleans prospered, slowly, unevenly, but surely - home to Protestants and Catholics, including the Irish parading through the old neighborhood on St. Patrick's Day as they hand out cabbages and potatoes and onions to the eager crowds; including the Italians, with their lavish St. Joseph's altars spread out with cakes and cookies in homes and restaurants and churches every March; including the uptown traditionalists who seek to preserve the peace and beauty of the Garden District; including the Germans with their clubs and traditions; including the black population playing an ever increasing role in the city's civic affairs.

Now nature has done what the Civil War couldn't do. Nature has done what the labor riots of the 1920's couldn't do. Nature had done what "modern life" with its relentless pursuit of efficiency couldn't do. It has done what racism couldn't do, and what segregation couldn't do either. Nature has laid the city waste - with a scope that brings to mind the end of Pompeii.

•

I share this history for a reason - and to answer questions that have arisen these last few days. Almost as soon as the cameras began panning over the rooftops, and the helicopters began chopping free those trapped in their attics, a chorus of voices rose. "Why didn't they leave?" people asked both on and off camera. "Why did they stay there when they knew a storm was coming?" One reporter even asked me, "Why do people live in such a place?"

Then as conditions became unbearable, the looters took to the streets. Windows were smashed, jewelry snatched, stores broken open, water and food and televisions carried out by fierce and uninhibited crowds.

Now the voices grew even louder. How could these thieves loot and pillage in a time of such crisis? How could people shoot one another? Because the faces of those drowning and the faces of those looting were largely black faces, race came into the picture. What kind of people are these, the people of New Orleans, who stay in a city about to be flooded, and then turn on one another?

Well, here's an answer. Thousands didn't leave New Orleans because they couldn't leave. They didn't have the money. They didn't have the vehicles. They didn't have any place to go. They are the poor, black and white, who dwell in any city in great numbers; and they did what they felt they could do - they huddled together in the strongest houses they could find. There was no way to up and leave and check into the nearest Ramada Inn.

What's more, thousands more who could have left stayed behind to help others. They went out in the helicopters and pulled the survivors off rooftops; they went through the flooded streets in their boats trying to gather those they could find. Meanwhile, city officials tried desperately to alleviate the worsening conditions in the Superdome, while makeshift shelters and hotels and hospitals struggled.

And where was everyone else during all this? Oh, help is coming, New Orleans was told. We are a rich country. Congress is acting. Someone will come to stop the looting and care for the refugees.

And it's true: eventually, help did come. But how many times did Gov. Kathleen Blanco have to say that the situation was desperate? How many times did Mayor Ray Nagin have to call for aid? Why did America ask a city cherished by millions and excoriated by some, but ignored by no one, to fight for its own life for so long? That's my question.

I know that New Orleans will win its fight in the end. I was born in the city and lived there for many years. It shaped who and what I am. Never have I experienced a place where people knew more about love, about family, about loyalty and about getting along than the people of New Orleans. It is perhaps their very gentleness that gives them their endurance.

They will rebuild as they have after storms of the past; and they will stay in New Orleans because it is where they have always lived, where their mothers and their fathers lived, where their churches were built by their ancestors, where their family graves carry names that go back 200 years. They will stay in New Orleans where they can enjoy a sweetness of family life that other communities lost long ago.

But to my country I want to say this: During this crisis you failed us. You looked down on us; you dismissed our victims; you dismissed us. You want our Jazz Fest, you want our Mardi Gras, you want our cooking and our music. Then when you saw us in real trouble, when you saw a tiny minority preying on the weak among us, you called us "Sin City," and turned your backs.

Well, we are a lot more than all that. And though we may seem the most exotic, the most atmospheric and, at times, the most downtrodden part of this land, we are still part of it. We are Americans. We are you.

Anne Rice

Copyright 2005 The New York Times Company

Well, I keep getting movies from my cancelled subscription to an online movie co. service, so here’s a moview review, sort of…

Neverwhere: From Neil Gaiman, his slightly old british Neverwhere may seem a bit corny at first, but considering how it got in the small screen and how the special effects , etc. made the budget, it is a cool flick. Always love Neil’s work on the darker side of the supernatural fantasy.

El Dia que me Amen: A funny mild romantic comedy where a guy has got a psycho behavior thinking he will die if he steps outside his house… When his old playmate from childhood comes back home, the truth is reveiled… He has been like that ever since she went away without notice, as his mother did when he was a child… The guy gets to a Venezolan Mepsi center where he meets a guy that is a hardcore Madonna fan, and where he gets the necessary support to face reality if only it means getting more insane. I liked this flick very very much. Reminded me of someone special.

Wuthering Heights: Wow. I think that sums it all… Wow! I absolutely loved this movie, no wonder it’s a classic… I didn’t expect a ghost right off the start, and the castle/house was gorgeous! The story was powerful and strong, and it grabbed my attention from start to finish. I’ll certainly look for the book, if the movie was that good, the original work should be breathless.

Finally, Friday… At work one of my dearest colleages is having a hard time with the harpies that surrounds her. And I am beyond tired, as usual… but basically because I couldn’t sleep well last night, perhaps thinking too much… Leo wanted to go to the Expo Novias tomorrow, and I’ll try to comply although I know it’s gonna make me feel weird… perhaps sad… Day-0 is almost there for me, I expect to make the whole move on Sunday, if the coallegues from work show up with a pick up and help... I have dual feelings about the whole thing… One side of me knows it is all for the better, that things are happening, that I will get my house and I need to make sacrifices to make it possible… The other side of me feels destroyed, because the idea of home vanishes with this, and more uncertainty steps on me.

I don’t know what to do, what to believe, what choice to make, if it’s the right thing to do… I don’t know what will my destiny be, who will be at my side in the end… if there will be anyone at all… I feel isolated, distanced from those I love most, and it’s a wall that has taken life of its own and gets further and further… I wish I knew my heart of hearts, I no longer have a clear view of what love is. I have forgotten what it feels like to be in love. I feel dry, no wonder, no zest, no desire to do anything special, no desire to dream silly dreams… I feel that nothing fills me or makes me happy, that I have no one to truly share all I am and that makes me feel barren, melancholic, bitter… I hope that the task ahead shakes me up and clears my mind of doubts and shadows… And if love exists, let it be then… and if its only a deceitful illusion, may it fade away forever.

10-4

Well, yesterday I was feeling sick and lousy. At midday had to go pay the rent and give some copies to house owner, but as I reached Hormigueros se rajó la madre de los aguaceros… Damn, I felt like a pocket hurricane was dropped over me! So, I had no umbrella, and I was coughing badly enough… and I decided to go back to the shadows were I belonged… I arrived at work just as the rain was starting to fall. So, wet and hungry, went to my office and pulled out a soup and heated it and enjoyed it… Half an hour later I was running to the bathroom, as I felt the urge to say hello to the soup and friends… I vomited my soul out! After that awful session had enough strength to get to my office and fall unconscious for half an hour or so… Phone calls woke me up, more like made me stop floating around since I was not really asleep… Whatever.

Arrived at home and fall in my bed right away. Woke up by 6:30 or something, and went to take the copies to the lady, since I was “in route” went to get the litter much needed to change the kitties bath. Back home, no messages, bided for flea collars on Ebay, and to bed once more since it all stinks!

Coriolis birthday is next week. Let’s see if we can plan a big b-day bash in the Zoo and then in the Caverns and then in Arecibo or Rincón or Guánica… The 16-18 weekend will be called as Metallica’s song “Wherever I may roam”… LOL If no hurricane arrives here, DAMNIT!

I am planning the big furniture move for this weekend. Living room-bedroom and e/c should be gently dropped at Auntie’s. Let’s see how THAT turns out… I need a pick-up truck and men. Preference… big black bald weightlifters on leather gistros willing to dance the Macarena. LOL

10-4

I feel today as if I had lost everything worth living for. I am beyond sad, I am beyond tired, I feel that once again wishes and goodwill betrayed me… I would like things to be different, but sadly they can’t be. I must be alone, for a time. It’s not about feeling lonely, which I do anyway, but I need isolation. I am in deep need of deep thinking and re-evaluating my goals if there are any left… I am in deep need of healing myself from the world, getting rid of all the dark stuff that tries to get the best of me day by day… I need a break from time and place and space… I need to run away and grasp the simple life, enjoy a sunset once more, spot a butterfly and run after it… I need rejuvenation of spirit and thought. I need a reawakening of all my senses, a re-affirmation of all I am worth.

Last night I had a dream that made me so sad… About white roses and a lake. It is ironic, but the more things change the more they stay the same… in a way. I’ll always love my Knight of the White Rose. Not even in dreams he stays…

Anyway… At work. I feel dizzy, the big headache is driving me crazy, pills doesn’t work and people are driving me insane with their plea for internet… I wanna go home… Sadly, there is no home for me to go to.

10-4

Ok... Seems I'm getting into the "dont have time even to blog" mode that most of those I know have followed for the last couple of months... At least my mode has been for a few days, so no harm done. What have I been up to?

I'm sick. Yup, again. But this time I got sick because I kinda got carried away with the cleaning/moving thing. You'll see what I mean...

Been using my whole brain at work, so getting out completely drained... Well, thats a change. At least I am not getting too bored, I'm actually doing something, you know, workin'for a living... That's great. But since I've been so drained, I get home straight to bed...

Well, on Friday had to take two hours during the morning so I could reach my lawyer and get an affidavit for the home seller swearing that I will pay the bit that I will owe her after the closing date. Yay for that, first mission accomplished. Moved on to next target, deal with the devil... Renewed and got a bit for straightening out all other messy accounts plus getting half the bit for the home seller... Yay for second mission accomplished. Got to my office just in time for a quick dinner and back to work. Called Retiro and the home owner have not sent the cancellation from her bank, so the closing date is stuck until she does that. On my side, everything is done and at least the papers are moving in SJ so the approval is a step further advanced... My stress levels are just in the yellow line. During the night I got 10 green 19gallon bins and 5 green 10gallon bins to start my next mission: Preparing my stuff for the move... Began at 9pm, stayed up until around 2am.

Saturday... Woke up early in the morning. And the mission continued. Filled up the green bins, packed them in my Rav4 and delivered them at my aunt's place 3 times before 1pm. On the 4th voyage packed old bins that I had. So... To my aunts house one last time. I arranged all bins in the "bird's room". Surprisingly they didnt take too much space as I expected... At least I know that my furniture will be ok in there when I move it next week... Back to the present, after the green bin stacking, went to my small room (I have 2 rooms in my aunts house, the small doll's room and the Egyptian room). Didnt know where to start... but grabbed a green box and began stacking Barbie dolls on it. Then Jem & Holograms & Misfits... Then Rainbow Brite & Gang... Baby cry for you, BabyBallerina... RetroDoll... Poochie, and some old plush dolls. After THAT, placed all SheRa dolls inside the Crystal Castle, and closed it so the castle stays neatly creeping on the wall's bookshelf. Then, placed all the Strawberry Shortcake dolls inside the Big Strawberry Shortcake Mansion, including the snail picnic cart and the round ride... LOL Turned around the mansion and it is all neatly packed... The whole point is: I need to make this room Kitty Proof, since this will be the room where my kitties will dwell until I make further decisions, like moving to the house that I'm gonna get... So... After that, decided to paint the old wall behind the bookshelf... and then decided to paint the bookshelf bone white as the wall... then somehow ended up painting the ceiling as well, since it had naughty black patches (ermmm... seems that will be my hobby after I move in, the whole house needs a ceiling painting facewash...). After that, started putting some of the bookshelf stuff back (the things that go in high places), but had to stop. The whole room is crowded and I need to clear it... That will be a big project in itself... Anyway... I think I did more than I expected on one day. So, went back home by 8pm.

After a shower and a nice dinner, my feet were definitively aching BUT I was not sleepy... I guess its the stress or adrenaline pump or whatever... So, had the brilliant idea of begin washing the cats. They still had fleas, and I wont risk bringing fleas to my alma mater dwelling... Soooo... It was 9pm when I began the quest to clean my kitties and battle the screaming fleas again. This time I used Sargeants shampoo first, let it stay for 5 minutes, take it off and then use Hartz shampoo as second bath, let it stay another 5 min and then wash the kitty for a last time... Two baths... A funny, not so funny, amusing, ironic, deadly task. Hmmm... I guess it could have been worst. Began with the heavy-weights: Roxy, Crow and Isis. Roxy wouldnt stop moving, Crow woudlnt stop moaning, and Isis wouldnt stop screaming... Placed Roxy and Isis together in a taxi, and Crow all by himself. Then, the turn for bathing the chiquitos came up... Cyric was a bliss. He seemed clueless to what was going on, and just moved to wherever I placed him. His brother Kyonne was a different story. Kyonne behaved as the kitty that runs from PepeLePuh. LOL But I got both chiquitos bathed and flea-ridden... and in the same taxi they falled asleep. After the 5 kitties I had no strenght left in me... Although I still had 3 more kitties to bath, I just couldnt do anything else... I was beat! Went to sleep at 2am.

Sunday morning... At 9am woke up and had breakfast. Five wet kitties were still jailed, but I couldnt let them wander off without making sure the area was clear... So... Next mission, clean the house so fleas are exterminated for sure. E/C, living room, kitchen and bed was all browsed, inspected, moved, brushed, mopped, sprayed with anti-flea serum and prepped for the 5 mayor havok-makers. One by one I took the bathed kitties, applied the anti-flea liquid behing their heads (it should last a month, we'll see how that works), and so they roamed the house once more. As the taxies were left emptied, the three kitties that had missed bath last night were placed inside: Set was very upset, Kali was enraged and possessed, and Michita was like whatever... Began the bathing session with Kali. I was afraid she would bite me/scratch me again, but things ran smoothly. Michita was blissful, since she has been through hell she has the "I dont care I have been through everything this is nothing" cool attitude... Set was angry, and would attempt to break of my hold using complicated spins combined with diverse back-kick tactics... I was too aware of his tricks, expecting an attact at all times, and so he was subdued and bathed... LOL Left the three amigos caged each one on different taxies. Placed newspaper on the taxies floor so the wetness would be dismissed... Setito wet me with his paw, hilariously vengeful as always... I finally took a long bath, washed my hair and had all the intention to keep up with cleaning my small room at auntie's place... Right... Took off from the apartment by 7pm. Arrived over there, ate something and realized I had a slight coughing that was annoying, and that every muscle and bone in my body ached. So... Decided to leave the room for Monday since it was Labor day and I would be free of work... Right... Went home, took allergy/sinus pills, coughing serum and to sleep... after releasing the prisoners of Askaban and applying the back-neck antiflea serum... Sleep I said? Uh-uh... No way. The coughing became violent and wouldnt let me sleep. I battled it for a long while until I finally surrendered to exaustion.

Monday, Labor day... How fitting... I opened my eyes briefly around 9 but had to go back to sleep because I simply could not will my body to get up. Around midday I was on my feet... Feeling miserable with sinus pressure, runny nose, itchy eyes and hellishly itchy throat... Went in my car, and I recalled I needed to change its oil and filter, so ended up in Pep Boys. That was a good move... The car had almost no oil. It was on the edge of breking up. So... The car was filled up and after taking its vitamins it agreed to run wherever I pleased. So... Went to Hormigueros to try and pay the rent... Awful weather, hellish rain... And the rent could not be paid because the people were not in their office... So... Went to deliver dirty clothing to my mothers dwelling. Granny was there, rain began again and had to make a small camping over there... It was then that I realized how bad I was feeling, I could barely move and felt like walking in clouds... So... Gathered clean bedding & clothing and went to my aunt's for dinner. Arrived there, my mother was there with a friend of hers, and I went straight to bed. Almost fall asleep. Auntie cooked, and so I ate and then went away because I knew that if I stayed I wouldnt be alive for long. Arrived home straight to bed. Slept until 10pm... Woke up coughing, itching... and the sleep wore off... Took meds and nothing. Drank a Sleepytime tea and nothing... So, I am here... Its 1am... And Im trying to get sleepy... Coughing, feeling like crap, have work tomorrow (today), and could not clear my small room as I wanted to because I had no strenght left in me... Ah! Whatever...

I just sighted, so it may mean that I am tired and ready for a nap. I hope so... Well, special thanks to Groundel who was kind enough to help me with moving and cleaning... Seems he may catch something as well, he was sneezing and his eyes were watery... I appreciate your help, always.

LightShadow and Joe were missed. Thanks for the messages, Joe, as you can see I have been quite busy! :) Hope to get in touch with you soon, guys!

Coriolis and NoName, and Gruendel: Ok... Here's an idea... You all have blogs... How about writing something on them, even if its just babling or poetry or quotes? Just anything to signal that you guys are alive. Hey, I check your blogs everyday. I always have time for you. ;) So Blog! Damnit!

Lucinda has been taking flea-control measures of her own... Good luck, you'll need it! LOL

Havent been able to check Trillian or be online to talk with Taz or Zordak. I miss you guys!

Havent heard from Trilogy. He probably had too much work with this long-weekend thing...

Well... Thats the news for my lovely weekend... It went fast, it was too busy for my own health, and it is only the beginning... Shesh! Well... I hope I can update auntie's place while I'm there, the house needs serious work. And I hope that by EOM I get my dwelling so work on it can begin... I am really excited about that. The house has so much potential for being the haunted castle that I have always dreamed of! We'll see... Please send good vibes.

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