Webspinning of the Arcane mixed with a bit of poison, passion, dreaming and humanity...
Friday, February 25, 2005
I feel happy. It’s been quite a while since the last time I felt this way. This whole week has given me something nice and good each day, you know… special little things that when you think about them make you feel you are lucky.
An example: Yesterday I had no money, not even 5 cents. By ten in the morning a co-worker left me a small bag with a “pastelillo”, just because. I couldn’t go have lunch or bring anything from home because I had nothing, and just browsed the net until the time to go back to work. Another co-worker arrived with a bag from a fast food and was in quite a rush. She gave me the bag and went on with her business. Inside, there was a nice Caesar’s salad. So, I had my lunch after all. It is little things like this, that happen even if you do not ask for them, that makes you believe that yes… there is a God, and yes… it pays off to be good.
I am still seeing houses, but mainly prescribing them to two co-workers who are looking, like me, but… somehow… they are a bit stray in matters of getting what they want/need. I strongly believe that the house I fall in love with will be mine, because I dream of it every night. The place gave a feeling of peace that no other has. Someone gave me the idea that when the rented family goes away I could rent until the paperwork for buying is done. That’s clever and good. I’ll suggest that to the realtor as soon as I see her. I know I am getting the loan via Retiro, and that everything will run smoothly… Why? I can’t say why… I just feel it… It’s one of those things you must trust without thinking of logic, because it feels right… If I can help others get their dream come true is a plus. I love trying to help.
I’ve been off the net at nights, trying to rest my eyes and get my proper sleep and having more fun. Everything is about balance, and I want to achieve that little by little. I absolutely enjoy playing with my kitties… At least 10 minutes with each so they all know they are important. It is a good thing.
Groundel is job-hunting for a part-time, odds are looking good. Seems he will end up working as I did in my first job… For me it was ewwww, but who knows… Maybe he will like it… Trilogy will embark to the Dominican Republic today, staying there until Monday, doing his practice for the tourism thinguie-whatever.
Lucinda’s car broke down 2-3 weeks ago, the detail I didn’t knew is that it didn’t turn on at her work, and so… It has been sleeping and living in the parking lot for all this time because she needs to get a truck to get it home… Sheeessssssh. I didn’t know it was illegal to pull a car with another car… Laws are getting more consumer-scavenging by the minute. So… That and her being without a phone for 2 weeks made her vanish into oblivion. I went over her house on Wednesday night, and it was a treat. There was chocolate, KFC chicken, good company and MazingerZ complete series. See? It’s the small things in life that makes the difference.
Coriolis will raid Tuscano and Dancing-Dragon for medieval-Egyptian Hindu décor for his new house. Either that or he will take his making a living with PVC clothing seriously. LOL I’m really happy for him. He finally has a place to call his own, a place where he can be one with… something? Just one with himself. Cheers to that! :)
Well… This weekend I plan to visit Candi in Moca, and if time allows maybe also drop by Sylvia’s home. Candi retired from work after 3osomething years serving here… and she is missed very, very much. Balta has to give her some CD’s, and so I plan to tag along and make a small “bembé”. Let’s see if the plan comes together.
That’s it for the news business… The paladin signs off…
10-4
An example: Yesterday I had no money, not even 5 cents. By ten in the morning a co-worker left me a small bag with a “pastelillo”, just because. I couldn’t go have lunch or bring anything from home because I had nothing, and just browsed the net until the time to go back to work. Another co-worker arrived with a bag from a fast food and was in quite a rush. She gave me the bag and went on with her business. Inside, there was a nice Caesar’s salad. So, I had my lunch after all. It is little things like this, that happen even if you do not ask for them, that makes you believe that yes… there is a God, and yes… it pays off to be good.
I am still seeing houses, but mainly prescribing them to two co-workers who are looking, like me, but… somehow… they are a bit stray in matters of getting what they want/need. I strongly believe that the house I fall in love with will be mine, because I dream of it every night. The place gave a feeling of peace that no other has. Someone gave me the idea that when the rented family goes away I could rent until the paperwork for buying is done. That’s clever and good. I’ll suggest that to the realtor as soon as I see her. I know I am getting the loan via Retiro, and that everything will run smoothly… Why? I can’t say why… I just feel it… It’s one of those things you must trust without thinking of logic, because it feels right… If I can help others get their dream come true is a plus. I love trying to help.
I’ve been off the net at nights, trying to rest my eyes and get my proper sleep and having more fun. Everything is about balance, and I want to achieve that little by little. I absolutely enjoy playing with my kitties… At least 10 minutes with each so they all know they are important. It is a good thing.
Groundel is job-hunting for a part-time, odds are looking good. Seems he will end up working as I did in my first job… For me it was ewwww, but who knows… Maybe he will like it… Trilogy will embark to the Dominican Republic today, staying there until Monday, doing his practice for the tourism thinguie-whatever.
Lucinda’s car broke down 2-3 weeks ago, the detail I didn’t knew is that it didn’t turn on at her work, and so… It has been sleeping and living in the parking lot for all this time because she needs to get a truck to get it home… Sheeessssssh. I didn’t know it was illegal to pull a car with another car… Laws are getting more consumer-scavenging by the minute. So… That and her being without a phone for 2 weeks made her vanish into oblivion. I went over her house on Wednesday night, and it was a treat. There was chocolate, KFC chicken, good company and MazingerZ complete series. See? It’s the small things in life that makes the difference.
Coriolis will raid Tuscano and Dancing-Dragon for medieval-Egyptian Hindu décor for his new house. Either that or he will take his making a living with PVC clothing seriously. LOL I’m really happy for him. He finally has a place to call his own, a place where he can be one with… something? Just one with himself. Cheers to that! :)
Well… This weekend I plan to visit Candi in Moca, and if time allows maybe also drop by Sylvia’s home. Candi retired from work after 3osomething years serving here… and she is missed very, very much. Balta has to give her some CD’s, and so I plan to tag along and make a small “bembé”. Let’s see if the plan comes together.
That’s it for the news business… The paladin signs off…
10-4
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Ok, so I think I have found the place I want to get for myself. It has two beautiful views: One towards Cerro Las Mesas and one towards the seaside. Yesterday I went to see it for the second time, and it was like a spell that definitively is growing stronger. The sunset was stunning. It’s funny, it seems that I am getting to see the place little by little so I don’t get too overwhelmed by it. One acre, beautiful sight that is PERFECT for painting… SPACE the final frontier… Oh, yes, PLENTY of space… I hope I can get it, I will certainly try every mean possible for that purpose. I’ve fallen in love after all… And it feels grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!
Work: Same old
People: Same old
Friends: Same old
Kitties: Same old
Life: Finally getting better…
10-4
Work: Same old
People: Same old
Friends: Same old
Kitties: Same old
Life: Finally getting better…
10-4
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
A dream of you, a thought in blue
Funeral realism in Baco’s withering
A moonstone well shining a spell…
Innocent guilt… A dream of you…
Tattered blessing in impish truth!
Days run away stealing a corpse,
Requiems “ post-morte” stopped in a blur
Whispering moanings calling you forth.
Carnivalesque nightmare, balloons of silver…
Annihilates cherubs that selfishly quiver…
A dream of you, a damn reclusion
Was…, will be…, nevermore… Illusion…
False prophet, visage of lies,
And dreams known, dimensional debris
Wake up! Stand! Shield the bare core!
Eyes sunken in bloody gore…
A dream of you… a thought in blue
Caressing both time and thoughts…
Bewildered on its own premonition…
Collapsing into the ethereal loss…
-Kymill the Bard, Feb 2005
And so, I dream of you… And drift between stasis and realism… Everything is slow, no thrills, no surprise… Prefabricated actions and sequential do’s. Stale, boring, same day-by-day… About to change in a lovely way… Perhaps what was will be once more… Nevermore the past, unknown future comes… Present of slow, of setting and questing… Thoughts deepen the anguish and agony… No answers. More questions. More if’s. More deliberations. More slavery. Eruptions of invisible truth burns the simple life, and so the crackled bones show through.
Wicked.
Paranoid.
Epitomic.
Solipsism
Raging drums foretell the end…
Or beginning…
I’m tired, sad, bored… This job pays the bills but gives absolutely no challenge to me… I hate being between 4 walls, all day long… I need movement, action, mental stimuli… Ah… What’s the use… Nothing interesting appears and although I try to keep myself busy I am not the kind of person that likes simply doing nothing. People tell me read something, sleep… WTF? How about really working? One thing is taking things easy, another is being part of this drama… And then people wonder why gov jobs have bad reputation… 75% are non-motivated and unhappy and doesn’t care anymore… If only you could simply do what you were MEANT to do in life… But that is another story… For me, that is the biggest problem because I like doing so many things… Event coordination seems to be the most rightful thing, painting murals… just painting… web page art, graphic art, advertising… I had so many plans and I was stupid not to do them when I had the major drive to do so. Should have taken advantage of my college years… Oh, well… No point dwelling on that…
Want a place to call home and mean it. To paint, to make my kitties happy and to be. A big challenge, maybe… But I have faith that what is good for me will come.
Lucinda is still missing in action… I hope she is ok. Coriolis appeared from an uncharted island and seems happier than last week at least… I was worried about him… Groundel keeps up the good job with the Sims and with FR:BG. Joe is happy as a bunny with LS. And auntie has been cooking good all these days.
I guess life ain’t so bad after all… Bad and worst give way to creative alternatives, and keeping belief that something good will happen after the thin cows are over is the best remedy… Even if it doesn’t fight the blues away…
10-4
Funeral realism in Baco’s withering
A moonstone well shining a spell…
Innocent guilt… A dream of you…
Tattered blessing in impish truth!
Days run away stealing a corpse,
Requiems “ post-morte” stopped in a blur
Whispering moanings calling you forth.
Carnivalesque nightmare, balloons of silver…
Annihilates cherubs that selfishly quiver…
A dream of you, a damn reclusion
Was…, will be…, nevermore… Illusion…
False prophet, visage of lies,
And dreams known, dimensional debris
Wake up! Stand! Shield the bare core!
Eyes sunken in bloody gore…
A dream of you… a thought in blue
Caressing both time and thoughts…
Bewildered on its own premonition…
Collapsing into the ethereal loss…
-Kymill the Bard, Feb 2005
And so, I dream of you… And drift between stasis and realism… Everything is slow, no thrills, no surprise… Prefabricated actions and sequential do’s. Stale, boring, same day-by-day… About to change in a lovely way… Perhaps what was will be once more… Nevermore the past, unknown future comes… Present of slow, of setting and questing… Thoughts deepen the anguish and agony… No answers. More questions. More if’s. More deliberations. More slavery. Eruptions of invisible truth burns the simple life, and so the crackled bones show through.
Wicked.
Paranoid.
Epitomic.
Solipsism
Raging drums foretell the end…
Or beginning…
I’m tired, sad, bored… This job pays the bills but gives absolutely no challenge to me… I hate being between 4 walls, all day long… I need movement, action, mental stimuli… Ah… What’s the use… Nothing interesting appears and although I try to keep myself busy I am not the kind of person that likes simply doing nothing. People tell me read something, sleep… WTF? How about really working? One thing is taking things easy, another is being part of this drama… And then people wonder why gov jobs have bad reputation… 75% are non-motivated and unhappy and doesn’t care anymore… If only you could simply do what you were MEANT to do in life… But that is another story… For me, that is the biggest problem because I like doing so many things… Event coordination seems to be the most rightful thing, painting murals… just painting… web page art, graphic art, advertising… I had so many plans and I was stupid not to do them when I had the major drive to do so. Should have taken advantage of my college years… Oh, well… No point dwelling on that…
Want a place to call home and mean it. To paint, to make my kitties happy and to be. A big challenge, maybe… But I have faith that what is good for me will come.
Lucinda is still missing in action… I hope she is ok. Coriolis appeared from an uncharted island and seems happier than last week at least… I was worried about him… Groundel keeps up the good job with the Sims and with FR:BG. Joe is happy as a bunny with LS. And auntie has been cooking good all these days.
I guess life ain’t so bad after all… Bad and worst give way to creative alternatives, and keeping belief that something good will happen after the thin cows are over is the best remedy… Even if it doesn’t fight the blues away…
10-4
Monday, February 21, 2005
Weird weekend.
I guess Coriolis wanted to be secluded and all alone as he didnt answer my calls. Kept calling so there are no complaints like " Me muero y me encuentran x la peste" but seems that even if he actually dies that will be the case... He's gone, kaput, vanished... Entered the Twilight Zone? Abducted by aliens? Captive by indonesian monkees? Or maybe just working in a gay bar, wearing a PVC short and caged inside a feathered boa jail? Who knows... He's so weird... LOL
Lucinda maybe, just maybe, had the same fate... She didnt bring her kittie on Thursday and havent heard from her in 4 days... I passed by the doc yeasterday and her car was there but no answer... Is she alive? What is going on? Is this a prank? A weird episode of the Far Side? Hmmm...
No one has blogged in days... including me... Well, a weekend away from computers? People actually having things to do? Wow... Yes, this was a WEIRD weekend...
Me... Looking at houses, visiting pals and eating at aunties and watching TLC shows... Sleeping and caring for my kitties and enjoying Xena and the Sims.
Feeling: Neutral. Zoomed-out. Zoned-out. Bizarre. Curious. Thoughtful. Thinking. Unkind. Bitchy. Cranky.
10-4
I guess Coriolis wanted to be secluded and all alone as he didnt answer my calls. Kept calling so there are no complaints like " Me muero y me encuentran x la peste" but seems that even if he actually dies that will be the case... He's gone, kaput, vanished... Entered the Twilight Zone? Abducted by aliens? Captive by indonesian monkees? Or maybe just working in a gay bar, wearing a PVC short and caged inside a feathered boa jail? Who knows... He's so weird... LOL
Lucinda maybe, just maybe, had the same fate... She didnt bring her kittie on Thursday and havent heard from her in 4 days... I passed by the doc yeasterday and her car was there but no answer... Is she alive? What is going on? Is this a prank? A weird episode of the Far Side? Hmmm...
No one has blogged in days... including me... Well, a weekend away from computers? People actually having things to do? Wow... Yes, this was a WEIRD weekend...
Me... Looking at houses, visiting pals and eating at aunties and watching TLC shows... Sleeping and caring for my kitties and enjoying Xena and the Sims.
Feeling: Neutral. Zoomed-out. Zoned-out. Bizarre. Curious. Thoughtful. Thinking. Unkind. Bitchy. Cranky.
10-4
You Know You're Addicted to Ebay When... |
Every time you go to the grocery store, you offer the cashier one cent more for each item in the cart of the person in front of you. To cut costs, FedEx and UPS are considering relocating their operations centers to your house. Sitting on the floor of your empty apartment, you stare at your fingers and wonder whether they'll sell better individually or as a matched set. Your spouse is loving and caring but you decided to file for divorce because you need the storage space. You're the reason they adopted the "No selling your children's vital organs" policy. ou find yourself searching eBay auctions for milk, eggs and bread. When your wife agrees to have sex with you, you become suspicious and ask how many other bidders there were. Just ask your kids, eRay and eFaye. After a particularly passionate night, you lean over and whisper in your spouse’s ear, "Excellent service, great communication! Would recommend again! AAAA++++" You set your alarm clock for 3 am so you can log on to protect your bid. You've called someone a naughty name for outbidding you at the last second. You've questioned your sanity because of the price you've bid... more than once. You've changed all your clocks to "eBay official time (PDT)." You've bid on something even though the picture doesn't show up correctly. You've purposely run up the bid on something similar for which you paid more. You've rolled your eyes at the word "antique" or "vintage" used on something made in the past decade. You've gritted your teeth each time you've clicked on a description that uses the word "L@@K." You've turned up the volume on your email alert so you'll never miss an Outbid Notice. You've made "My eBay" your default home page. You've emailed a seller to correct their description with accurate dates or details. You've come to rely on "convenience cash" from PayPal and wish you could pay all your bills like that. You've earned a "Shooting Star" Feedback Profile for more than 10,000 purchases! You won't go to estate auctions because they don't take PayPal. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Ebay. |
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Come on baby let’s get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
There’s a chill in my bones
I don’t want to be left alone
So baby you can sleep while I drive
I’ll pack my bag and load up my guitar
In my pocket I’ll carry my harp
I got some money I saved
Enough to get underway
And baby you can sleep while I drive
We’ll go thorough tucson up to santa fe
And barbara in nashville says we’re welcome to stay
I’ll buy you glasses in texas a hat from new orleans
And in the morning you can tell me your dreams
You know I’ve seen it before
This mist that covers your eyes
You’ve been looking for something
That’s not in your life
My intentions are true
Won’t you take me with you
And baby you can sleep while I drive
Oh is it other arms you want to
Hold you the stranger
The lover you’re free
Can’t you get that with me
Come on baby let’s get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
If you won’t take me with you
I’ll go before night is through
And baby you can sleep while I drive
-Melissa Etheridge, You can sleep while I drive
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
There’s a chill in my bones
I don’t want to be left alone
So baby you can sleep while I drive
I’ll pack my bag and load up my guitar
In my pocket I’ll carry my harp
I got some money I saved
Enough to get underway
And baby you can sleep while I drive
We’ll go thorough tucson up to santa fe
And barbara in nashville says we’re welcome to stay
I’ll buy you glasses in texas a hat from new orleans
And in the morning you can tell me your dreams
You know I’ve seen it before
This mist that covers your eyes
You’ve been looking for something
That’s not in your life
My intentions are true
Won’t you take me with you
And baby you can sleep while I drive
Oh is it other arms you want to
Hold you the stranger
The lover you’re free
Can’t you get that with me
Come on baby let’s get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
If you won’t take me with you
I’ll go before night is through
And baby you can sleep while I drive
-Melissa Etheridge, You can sleep while I drive
I took two days off, and adding monday that means 5 days off... I need the rest. I am feeling sick and weak and I need to get better.
In other notes, I am feeling very sad and concerned for a dear friend. He is going through some tough times and I wish I could do more than giving moral support... My heart to you, and my prayers (yes, I do pray) include you so things get back on track and you find a ray of meaning to your life. Do not think that it would be best to die... This is where challenges lay, and true warriors prove themselves worthy by battling each day keeping honor, love, faith and hope intact. You have much to do, for yourself and for others. Your burdens ironically are your blessings... I wish I could have a family that looked up to me... I wish I could have savored such love when I was very young... Your tight spot is just a test, so hang in there, you are strong and you will realize you are even stronger after your weaknesses vanish. Do not ever doubt yourself. You are beautiful, inside out, upside down. You have the mind of an elf, the spirit of a dreamer and the body of a warrior. Your purpose is to achieve perfection, but first there are many lessons and tests that you must overcome... to make you worthy of an ultimate freedom and and ultimate peace. There are things you still have to learn in matters of feelings... And when you finally learn those teachings THEN you will understand even further... It is not stupid to love in every sense of the word... in truth, Love IS the way. Remember... And do not let the star that guides you fade... Do not doubt your spirit and beauty... Do not doubt that in the end you will be happy. I can promise you that. I know.
10-4
In other notes, I am feeling very sad and concerned for a dear friend. He is going through some tough times and I wish I could do more than giving moral support... My heart to you, and my prayers (yes, I do pray) include you so things get back on track and you find a ray of meaning to your life. Do not think that it would be best to die... This is where challenges lay, and true warriors prove themselves worthy by battling each day keeping honor, love, faith and hope intact. You have much to do, for yourself and for others. Your burdens ironically are your blessings... I wish I could have a family that looked up to me... I wish I could have savored such love when I was very young... Your tight spot is just a test, so hang in there, you are strong and you will realize you are even stronger after your weaknesses vanish. Do not ever doubt yourself. You are beautiful, inside out, upside down. You have the mind of an elf, the spirit of a dreamer and the body of a warrior. Your purpose is to achieve perfection, but first there are many lessons and tests that you must overcome... to make you worthy of an ultimate freedom and and ultimate peace. There are things you still have to learn in matters of feelings... And when you finally learn those teachings THEN you will understand even further... It is not stupid to love in every sense of the word... in truth, Love IS the way. Remember... And do not let the star that guides you fade... Do not doubt your spirit and beauty... Do not doubt that in the end you will be happy. I can promise you that. I know.
10-4
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
I feel drained, very very tired… I would have stayed at home sleeping the whole day… Feel like doing absolutely nothing… No news for now…
Yesterday watched some Grrrrrrrrrrrrreat anime:
My Neighbor Totoro: LOL It is one of those happy movies that is completely weird and leaves you wanting more. The cat-bus was hilarious, and Totoro was fun. If u like things like Ranma ½, you will love this movie.
The Cat Lord: I think this is the sort-of sequel for Spirited Away… this time, the voyage of a girl ends up in a land of cats… Loved it. I idn’t knew it was all about cats…LOL
On the oppossite side, watched the movie Koma: A korean suspense-thriller of sorts… based on the fact that there are people out there that abduicts you to take internal body parts and leaves you to your fate (such as kidneys). Nice movie, with the actresses from the Eye 1 and 2.
Lucinda called, saying she’s got the complete Mazinger series. Woah! And might be getting Candi-Candi and Harlock. Me want!!!! Add Thundercats to that list, thank-you-very-mucho... :P
10-4
Yesterday watched some Grrrrrrrrrrrrreat anime:
My Neighbor Totoro: LOL It is one of those happy movies that is completely weird and leaves you wanting more. The cat-bus was hilarious, and Totoro was fun. If u like things like Ranma ½, you will love this movie.
The Cat Lord: I think this is the sort-of sequel for Spirited Away… this time, the voyage of a girl ends up in a land of cats… Loved it. I idn’t knew it was all about cats…LOL
On the oppossite side, watched the movie Koma: A korean suspense-thriller of sorts… based on the fact that there are people out there that abduicts you to take internal body parts and leaves you to your fate (such as kidneys). Nice movie, with the actresses from the Eye 1 and 2.
Lucinda called, saying she’s got the complete Mazinger series. Woah! And might be getting Candi-Candi and Harlock. Me want!!!! Add Thundercats to that list, thank-you-very-mucho... :P
10-4
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!
-Lucy, Peanuts
Well, after a lot of stress making a room turn into a Valentine Bash, the activity just ended and it was a success. Everyone had fun, the ambience was great and I arrived in time to get a nice double dosis of a good meal and cake. Yay!!! Lucinda, rejoice, you have won a nice Alice in Wonderland decoration for Barbie! Jajaja... Well, I will keep the Cheshire Cat, of course. Duh! Besides that, really tired but maybe I'll have enough energy to at least walk a bit in the afternoon...
10-4
-Lucy, Peanuts
Well, after a lot of stress making a room turn into a Valentine Bash, the activity just ended and it was a success. Everyone had fun, the ambience was great and I arrived in time to get a nice double dosis of a good meal and cake. Yay!!! Lucinda, rejoice, you have won a nice Alice in Wonderland decoration for Barbie! Jajaja... Well, I will keep the Cheshire Cat, of course. Duh! Besides that, really tired but maybe I'll have enough energy to at least walk a bit in the afternoon...
10-4
Monday, February 14, 2005
What a weekend! I am exhausted!!! Spent Saturday afternoon hunting for Valentines stuff for the activity, the sun was high and the heat was overwhelming. Joe called as he arrived to my hometown. I went to pick him up to take him to the mall, where his gf works… He was definitely prepared for the weakend and reeeeady for love, as he was visibly protected with a red condom around his head. LOL Ah, men and their fashion statements… LOL I knew that there was a rapper beneath the gloomy gore… ;) Anyway… procrastinated quite a bit in the creative factory and decided to go to sleep early as I was literally drooling over the game control…
On Sunday… Oh, Sunday… Woke up early and started the painting business. Was going to crash Sara’s to paint some more, but decided to make the sketches first. Didn’t realize that it was 6pm… So hunger strikes, and went to auntie’s for a good meal. Then arrived to paint the sketches… Stayed up to 4am… but finished. Nice. I need white paint to finish off some details, but it all came together flawlessly.
Today… Valentine’s day. At work… Everyone giving candy and chocolate and cards. Well… My sugar will be high today, but what the heck, cannot be on healthy-mode forever… :P
To everyone in my cast: HAPPY VALENTINE’s DAY!!!! And to everyone else: Screw you! ;) Nah, I hope that the day is at least bearable for you all. Me… Although sad inside I may be able to survive… After all, I am in zombie mode and I may be hitting my bed by 5pm to never wake up again… Buahahahahahahahah…
Lucinda: Thanks for 19 incredible years of wonder and on your face friendship! Good, bad, ugly and beautiful... Always there no matter what, open, with a warm smile even in distress... Thanks for liking me the way I am, period. It's the kind of friendship that drama movies are made of... :))
Coriolis: Thanks for 12 years of mind-bonding, weirdness and stringless honesty. We shall rule the world someday, Pinky!!! Thanks for teaching me the hardest lessons in life... For listening, supporting, amonesting, warning, spanking and truth... Comment: Can you try being a bit gentler, ppplllleassseeee? Ouch! LOL
Groundel: Thanks for 11 years of friendship and laughs and good and bad... We have grown in many things thanks to each other. And through it all, the constant respect and support and goodwill and laughs are there... It all has NOT been a waste of time. We are better people thanks to everything. Always remember that.
Trilogy: Thanks for 13 years of being a pain in the ass. Through good and bad you always surface and bring rays of joy... Although so many times it is hard not to get biased, I know that you are a loud mouth and that you do not really say in good words what you really mean... I know what lies silent in your heart. And because I know your heart, I understand. Thanks for keeping some promises...
Zordak: 13 years as well... and still with the same halfinglish attitude! :)) Thanks for your listening skills, support and making me laugh.
Joe: Thanks for the understanding and punitive raw truth. Nothing so refreshing as a person who is not a two-face. Count on me always!!!
MrFlach: Thanks for bringing selfless laughter and good advice to this corner of the Caribbean
Kara: Thanks for being there to hear weird rants. Love you, sis!
Vero: Haven't met you in person but find some affinity with you... Hope you get all you deserve. Thanks for being around!
El Calvo: Thanks for being a mentor, a counselor, a friend, an advisor, a decorator, and a person who always push me to be my best against all odds.
Special thanks to La Sombra, SepulcroBlanqueado, Dia-de-Solo, y Nameless y the ConvictedDMess. You all taught me what friends shouldn't do, so you help me to be pickier and less trusting of Humanity in general.
So, I remind you all that although I am not evil I'm still wicked, although I am innocent... I am not naive..., although I am loveable I am devilish, and although I am a saint I'm still a witch...
Who wants to be my Valentine? Who?... Who?
LOL
10-4
On Sunday… Oh, Sunday… Woke up early and started the painting business. Was going to crash Sara’s to paint some more, but decided to make the sketches first. Didn’t realize that it was 6pm… So hunger strikes, and went to auntie’s for a good meal. Then arrived to paint the sketches… Stayed up to 4am… but finished. Nice. I need white paint to finish off some details, but it all came together flawlessly.
Today… Valentine’s day. At work… Everyone giving candy and chocolate and cards. Well… My sugar will be high today, but what the heck, cannot be on healthy-mode forever… :P
To everyone in my cast: HAPPY VALENTINE’s DAY!!!! And to everyone else: Screw you! ;) Nah, I hope that the day is at least bearable for you all. Me… Although sad inside I may be able to survive… After all, I am in zombie mode and I may be hitting my bed by 5pm to never wake up again… Buahahahahahahahah…
Lucinda: Thanks for 19 incredible years of wonder and on your face friendship! Good, bad, ugly and beautiful... Always there no matter what, open, with a warm smile even in distress... Thanks for liking me the way I am, period. It's the kind of friendship that drama movies are made of... :))
Coriolis: Thanks for 12 years of mind-bonding, weirdness and stringless honesty. We shall rule the world someday, Pinky!!! Thanks for teaching me the hardest lessons in life... For listening, supporting, amonesting, warning, spanking and truth... Comment: Can you try being a bit gentler, ppplllleassseeee? Ouch! LOL
Groundel: Thanks for 11 years of friendship and laughs and good and bad... We have grown in many things thanks to each other. And through it all, the constant respect and support and goodwill and laughs are there... It all has NOT been a waste of time. We are better people thanks to everything. Always remember that.
Trilogy: Thanks for 13 years of being a pain in the ass. Through good and bad you always surface and bring rays of joy... Although so many times it is hard not to get biased, I know that you are a loud mouth and that you do not really say in good words what you really mean... I know what lies silent in your heart. And because I know your heart, I understand. Thanks for keeping some promises...
Zordak: 13 years as well... and still with the same halfinglish attitude! :)) Thanks for your listening skills, support and making me laugh.
Joe: Thanks for the understanding and punitive raw truth. Nothing so refreshing as a person who is not a two-face. Count on me always!!!
MrFlach: Thanks for bringing selfless laughter and good advice to this corner of the Caribbean
Kara: Thanks for being there to hear weird rants. Love you, sis!
Vero: Haven't met you in person but find some affinity with you... Hope you get all you deserve. Thanks for being around!
El Calvo: Thanks for being a mentor, a counselor, a friend, an advisor, a decorator, and a person who always push me to be my best against all odds.
Special thanks to La Sombra, SepulcroBlanqueado, Dia-de-Solo, y Nameless y the ConvictedDMess. You all taught me what friends shouldn't do, so you help me to be pickier and less trusting of Humanity in general.
So, I remind you all that although I am not evil I'm still wicked, although I am innocent... I am not naive..., although I am loveable I am devilish, and although I am a saint I'm still a witch...
Who wants to be my Valentine? Who?... Who?
LOL
10-4
Saturday, February 12, 2005
When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me
If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me-e, yeah
Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me
Darlin', darlin', stand by me-e, stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me
-B E King, Stand by me
Dedicated to Coriolis, my best friend. No hard feelings, just more love and respect.
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me
If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me-e, yeah
Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me
Darlin', darlin', stand by me-e, stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me
-B E King, Stand by me
Dedicated to Coriolis, my best friend. No hard feelings, just more love and respect.
I can't stop thinking of you
The things we used to do
The secrets we once shared
I'll always find them there
In my memories
But this heartache isn't going anywhere
In the public eye i act like i don't care
When there's no one watching me
I'm crying
Chorus:
I will always have you, inside of me
Even though you're gone
Love still carries on
Love, inside of me
I keep a picture of you
Next to my bed at night
And when i wake up scared
I know i'll find you there
Watching over me
Bridge:
When my world seems to crumble all around
And foolish people try to bring me down
I just think of your smiling face
And i'm flying
(chorus)
You'll always be inside of my heart
Inside of me
(bridge)
(chorus)
I will always have you, inside of me
Even though you're gone
Love still carries on
Love still carries on
I will always feel you
You'll always be inside of my heart
I'll always have you inside of me
I will always have you
-Madonna, Inside of me
The things we used to do
The secrets we once shared
I'll always find them there
In my memories
But this heartache isn't going anywhere
In the public eye i act like i don't care
When there's no one watching me
I'm crying
Chorus:
I will always have you, inside of me
Even though you're gone
Love still carries on
Love, inside of me
I keep a picture of you
Next to my bed at night
And when i wake up scared
I know i'll find you there
Watching over me
Bridge:
When my world seems to crumble all around
And foolish people try to bring me down
I just think of your smiling face
And i'm flying
(chorus)
You'll always be inside of my heart
Inside of me
(bridge)
(chorus)
I will always have you, inside of me
Even though you're gone
Love still carries on
Love still carries on
I will always feel you
You'll always be inside of my heart
I'll always have you inside of me
I will always have you
-Madonna, Inside of me
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Skipped work today... My eyes feeling better, migraine behaving and tummy back on track. Will begin the deco this afternoon... And will see some houses too (appeared out of nowhere at very tempting prices...)
Spiritually shaken, romantically broken...
Kitties eating my meal... Bad kitties! Bad!
10-4
Spiritually shaken, romantically broken...
Kitties eating my meal... Bad kitties! Bad!
10-4
I do look for happiness. I am not afraid of change. The only thing is that there is noone around me that is worthy of me. No one that interests me. No one that makes me feel like exploring their world.
I whine here, but in my real life I have been posting resumes forever, all the time. It is not my fault that when interviews come they offer less than I earn and that is a no-no. Sorry, but I cannot settle for less because I have to live my life even if its miserable. I gotta pay the bils and eat because no one do it for me. I have been looking for a new job week after week after week. Not stopping. So... Saying I settle for my job is out of line. I am in my job because it is what I have right now. I know my time will come, I have the talents. I just need to find the opportunity.
Friends... In real life I am openning up to some people I have not mentioned here. That is a slow work because I need the stats of trust and truth filled up first before I say they are my friends. So, they shall remain anonimous. Besides these guys and girls that are showing caring and make me laugh, I name only the most important people in my life because that's what they are: The Most Important. My aunt, Pabon, Lucinda, Groundel, Coriolis, Trilogy, Popu, Kara, Michael, Zordak... They are very important to me. Hello, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I DO HAVE OTHER PEOPLE TO SEE AND TALK TO! But they are not that important. And who is important deserve credit. So, here they are, this is my way of saying: THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU, FORGIVE ME IF I DID SOMETHING WRONG and I AM HERE ALWAYS. So... I HATE clubs, not my ambience. I HATE bars, not interested. I go to the movies when there is cash and the same applies to other activities. If it interests me, I do it. If not, no one can make me eat it. This is me, raw. I have my beliefs and tastes and I change what I see is bad, but sadly for many hear this: I LOVE MYSELF, if I could clone myself I would marry ME, I worship my beliefs and my success. I know who I am, where I come from and where I am going. I do not need speeches of self-esteem because I am full of it.
Basically THAT is my problem. Romantically, I need someone that is like me... high achiever, high self-esteem, non-conformist and anarkist. So... Romantically, seems I am veru fucked. But friends, I do have them. And people I know, I do have them. And sincerely, that's more than enough. I KNOW I never walk alone.
So... covered work and friends... Obssessive behavior? I love cats, dragons and sunflowers. So what? That's my vice. And it makes me happy. So, moonie to all who makes fun of my abssessions. MOON YOU ALL!!! LOL
My bitter writing... Yes, bitter... I am bitter... I am insane... I am mad... So what? I am very polite and kind with people BECAUSE I used to be a blunt bitch that care less about people's feelings and that was plain wrong... So, now I say the bad things as they come to my mind HERE. This is MY MIND. This is where I throw all my DIRT. This is where I escape. It has nothing to do with doing NOTHING in my real life. This is not real, really. This is just one side of a many-sided diamond. This is dark-lonely-grim-gritty-unpolite-tired me. But I have many other sides that are not here. Because they don't need to. Because Lawful good Miss V lives in real life, Chaotic Good Lyoness lives in real life, Evil Deirdre lives in real life... So... Mad Witch Vierna lives here.
No, not upset. Just straightening some points because I am soooo easily missunderstood... I am so unbalanced and illogical that ALL of YOU love me for that... and you KNOW it.
Back to the scheduled program...
I whine here, but in my real life I have been posting resumes forever, all the time. It is not my fault that when interviews come they offer less than I earn and that is a no-no. Sorry, but I cannot settle for less because I have to live my life even if its miserable. I gotta pay the bils and eat because no one do it for me. I have been looking for a new job week after week after week. Not stopping. So... Saying I settle for my job is out of line. I am in my job because it is what I have right now. I know my time will come, I have the talents. I just need to find the opportunity.
Friends... In real life I am openning up to some people I have not mentioned here. That is a slow work because I need the stats of trust and truth filled up first before I say they are my friends. So, they shall remain anonimous. Besides these guys and girls that are showing caring and make me laugh, I name only the most important people in my life because that's what they are: The Most Important. My aunt, Pabon, Lucinda, Groundel, Coriolis, Trilogy, Popu, Kara, Michael, Zordak... They are very important to me. Hello, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I DO HAVE OTHER PEOPLE TO SEE AND TALK TO! But they are not that important. And who is important deserve credit. So, here they are, this is my way of saying: THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU, FORGIVE ME IF I DID SOMETHING WRONG and I AM HERE ALWAYS. So... I HATE clubs, not my ambience. I HATE bars, not interested. I go to the movies when there is cash and the same applies to other activities. If it interests me, I do it. If not, no one can make me eat it. This is me, raw. I have my beliefs and tastes and I change what I see is bad, but sadly for many hear this: I LOVE MYSELF, if I could clone myself I would marry ME, I worship my beliefs and my success. I know who I am, where I come from and where I am going. I do not need speeches of self-esteem because I am full of it.
Basically THAT is my problem. Romantically, I need someone that is like me... high achiever, high self-esteem, non-conformist and anarkist. So... Romantically, seems I am veru fucked. But friends, I do have them. And people I know, I do have them. And sincerely, that's more than enough. I KNOW I never walk alone.
So... covered work and friends... Obssessive behavior? I love cats, dragons and sunflowers. So what? That's my vice. And it makes me happy. So, moonie to all who makes fun of my abssessions. MOON YOU ALL!!! LOL
My bitter writing... Yes, bitter... I am bitter... I am insane... I am mad... So what? I am very polite and kind with people BECAUSE I used to be a blunt bitch that care less about people's feelings and that was plain wrong... So, now I say the bad things as they come to my mind HERE. This is MY MIND. This is where I throw all my DIRT. This is where I escape. It has nothing to do with doing NOTHING in my real life. This is not real, really. This is just one side of a many-sided diamond. This is dark-lonely-grim-gritty-unpolite-tired me. But I have many other sides that are not here. Because they don't need to. Because Lawful good Miss V lives in real life, Chaotic Good Lyoness lives in real life, Evil Deirdre lives in real life... So... Mad Witch Vierna lives here.
No, not upset. Just straightening some points because I am soooo easily missunderstood... I am so unbalanced and illogical that ALL of YOU love me for that... and you KNOW it.
Back to the scheduled program...
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Me and a gun…
Seconds muted
blood surfacing
dreams vanishing
hate slipping
faith fading
shadows crouching.
Me and a gun…
life blinking
love laughing
hope shivering
innocence surrendering
angels falling
And demons feasting.
Me… and a gun
nerves distressing
friends weeping
lovers regretting
family crying
Spirit dying
Body revolting…
Me and a gun
Dream and curse
Drop on the floor
Colide the thoughts
Vanish the known
Remember…
Withdraw and reborn.
_Kymill the Bard, Feb 2005
Seconds muted
blood surfacing
dreams vanishing
hate slipping
faith fading
shadows crouching.
Me and a gun…
life blinking
love laughing
hope shivering
innocence surrendering
angels falling
And demons feasting.
Me… and a gun
nerves distressing
friends weeping
lovers regretting
family crying
Spirit dying
Body revolting…
Me and a gun
Dream and curse
Drop on the floor
Colide the thoughts
Vanish the known
Remember…
Withdraw and reborn.
_Kymill the Bard, Feb 2005
It is all my fault. I am a never-ending dreamer that gets crushed as a bug gets crushed with a windshield… because of dreams… because I know what I want but somehow the game turns up in a way so I cannot get it. And I know I deserve it all… But somehow nothing is ever enough… And somehow I am destined to be little, to be killed endlessly, to be ignored and thrashed… I wish I had the skills to be evil, so I could really get what I want. If I were evil, I’ll have it all… But among everything, I choose to be good and have faith and care… And I don’t lie. And spitting out the truth all my life has left me with nothing. Not that I am going to change that… But, it is a fact. I am so beautiful… But what’s the use? No one appreciates me for real. No one will ever see the woman I am. It is my destiny. A warrior princess that got killed in a last battle, and forever remains there as a lovely ghost.
Wednesday… Tired as hell. Yesterday could not sleep, tossing & turning. Decided to get up, wash my hair, and get some fictional air in the living room… I still have not started the deco for the party, I am too depressed even for that… (sigh) I guess that I foresee myself doing the assignment over the weekend. It is too much getting off work and trying to do something in my house… Right now it is almost an impossible task… By 7pm I am catching zzzzz… That’s how it has been the whole week… Am I having a midlife crisis or something? LOL Who knows… I know I am anxious, and even a bit unnerved… And even if I try to put all my shit together, the glue to bind the pieces is missing.
I should not try to buy a house… It makes no sense… I want to change my career because I am drowning in stalement at this fucking job… I am not professionally appreciated, I have no challenges, and each time I have less things to do, less responsibilities and more jobs that should belong to a janitor or a student… I have an MBA for heaven’s sake! And they use it as toilet paper. Government is not for me in terms of the colors fight… PNP vs PPD, who screw who first. It is plain simple, it doesn’t matter just how much you screw yourself doing things right… If you have no friends in the proper places, you are doomed. Until I find a job that makes me happy and positive, I cannot try or even think of getting a house. Another thing from the wish list that I must put on hold.
I was watching pics that I sent to the lady that did my wedding veil… I posed very ironically… It saddens me. It deeply saddens me. I really put all my heart in doing that wedding, for a whole year I did so much and it was the main thing in my head… Now, it seems like a mirage. I still don’t know if I made the right choice putting things on hold. I feel I wasted my time and people’s time and money when I cancelled… I know things went beyond tight monetary speaking… And the uncertainty within me was not helping… But my current whereabouts make me think that perhaps that was the only chance I had to do such a thing. It was one of my dreams after all… Problem is, I want a 100% certification that it will be forever, because I believe marriage should be forever. And how or where should I get such a thing? All is a game of chance. But for me… the girl who wanted to become a nun so many years ago… Failure at marriage would be the ultimate devastation… Why? Because I believe on it, strongly… And it seems that just because of that I will not be able to say “ I do” .
I should have sticked to my original plan, I would have married God and perhaps I would have been happier. But… That was then… This is now. Now I am hurt, I make fun of the whole thing but I am hurt… The people I‘ve loved most have failed me deeply, and have demonstrated I am not their priority. For one is friends, for the other is games, and for the other is himself. No one puts me first. No one puts me in a shrine, no one has details with me, no one hugs me to sleep, no one shares my dreams… And still I give all I have, all my love… And receive nothing… As always… (sight) Love disenchants me. Love disappoints me. Love is mean and hard with me. Love have shredded my self to pieces every time, and have left only ashes. Love has always been my prison, my hangman, my reaper… I wish myself to stop loving, to feel nothing, to be logic and to follow my own instructions… But I am too much of an empath…
I am feelings. I feel everything around me, and I react for everything I feel… I hate it, but it is something that I cannot control, it is a force beyond me… an enslaving waking nightmare. I hate Love. Because it has been indifferent with me, it has spurned me, it has deceived me, it has betrayed me, it has laughed in my face, it has nailed my heart, it has destroyed my hopes and dreams… I hate Love. Kill the little bastard if you find it, for me… Kill it, so I can be free at last…
10-4
I should not try to buy a house… It makes no sense… I want to change my career because I am drowning in stalement at this fucking job… I am not professionally appreciated, I have no challenges, and each time I have less things to do, less responsibilities and more jobs that should belong to a janitor or a student… I have an MBA for heaven’s sake! And they use it as toilet paper. Government is not for me in terms of the colors fight… PNP vs PPD, who screw who first. It is plain simple, it doesn’t matter just how much you screw yourself doing things right… If you have no friends in the proper places, you are doomed. Until I find a job that makes me happy and positive, I cannot try or even think of getting a house. Another thing from the wish list that I must put on hold.
I was watching pics that I sent to the lady that did my wedding veil… I posed very ironically… It saddens me. It deeply saddens me. I really put all my heart in doing that wedding, for a whole year I did so much and it was the main thing in my head… Now, it seems like a mirage. I still don’t know if I made the right choice putting things on hold. I feel I wasted my time and people’s time and money when I cancelled… I know things went beyond tight monetary speaking… And the uncertainty within me was not helping… But my current whereabouts make me think that perhaps that was the only chance I had to do such a thing. It was one of my dreams after all… Problem is, I want a 100% certification that it will be forever, because I believe marriage should be forever. And how or where should I get such a thing? All is a game of chance. But for me… the girl who wanted to become a nun so many years ago… Failure at marriage would be the ultimate devastation… Why? Because I believe on it, strongly… And it seems that just because of that I will not be able to say “ I do” .
I should have sticked to my original plan, I would have married God and perhaps I would have been happier. But… That was then… This is now. Now I am hurt, I make fun of the whole thing but I am hurt… The people I‘ve loved most have failed me deeply, and have demonstrated I am not their priority. For one is friends, for the other is games, and for the other is himself. No one puts me first. No one puts me in a shrine, no one has details with me, no one hugs me to sleep, no one shares my dreams… And still I give all I have, all my love… And receive nothing… As always… (sight) Love disenchants me. Love disappoints me. Love is mean and hard with me. Love have shredded my self to pieces every time, and have left only ashes. Love has always been my prison, my hangman, my reaper… I wish myself to stop loving, to feel nothing, to be logic and to follow my own instructions… But I am too much of an empath…
I am feelings. I feel everything around me, and I react for everything I feel… I hate it, but it is something that I cannot control, it is a force beyond me… an enslaving waking nightmare. I hate Love. Because it has been indifferent with me, it has spurned me, it has deceived me, it has betrayed me, it has laughed in my face, it has nailed my heart, it has destroyed my hopes and dreams… I hate Love. Kill the little bastard if you find it, for me… Kill it, so I can be free at last…
10-4
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
This week has been… stressful. Yesterday I got home and… tadaaaaaa! No phone. Dead. Not even a blip-blip. Grrrrr… Today I arrived to my job and some computers were not going into the network… After assigning static IP’s and sitting down to think (finally) I discovered that for some reason the server was changed from DHCP to static… Sooooo… It was not assigning the IP pool… Amen to that one being solved easily after a 1 ½ stress breakout because users do not understand that unless you ask them, yes, you know there ARE problems and yes YOU are trying to solve them while they keep whining and interrupting… Called PRTC to see if they show up and check the line… And finally had a break to sit, Bubu, sit… (sight) During the afternoon I’ll have to attend an informative meeting about the lame changes that HR implemented in the agency (which left everyone grumpy and with no monetary improvement). What a wonderful world…
On the only highlight of the week, received Xena:Season5 yesterday… So, I’m feeding the vein. Well, today I’ll have to stop on that because gotta do the deco for the Valentine thinguie. And I am NOT using the weekend for that. I also won the bid for a swimsuit that I have been hunting for ever since November… Wheeeee!!!
No sign of my living-dead friends, I guess some are mad at me… Or they just cannot call me up because I have no phone… Soooooo… I’ll be polite and think about the second reason.
Sleepy, unnerved, tired, cranky, misunderstood, misrepresented, missed? LOL Whatever…
10-4
On the only highlight of the week, received Xena:Season5 yesterday… So, I’m feeding the vein. Well, today I’ll have to stop on that because gotta do the deco for the Valentine thinguie. And I am NOT using the weekend for that. I also won the bid for a swimsuit that I have been hunting for ever since November… Wheeeee!!!
No sign of my living-dead friends, I guess some are mad at me… Or they just cannot call me up because I have no phone… Soooooo… I’ll be polite and think about the second reason.
Sleepy, unnerved, tired, cranky, misunderstood, misrepresented, missed? LOL Whatever…
10-4
Monday, February 07, 2005
Waking up can be blissfull... or not. It would be nice to create an environment of happiness and harmony around you, so the burden would be... less... But sometimes no matter how much you try to be nice and positive people around you always conspire against your plans... (sight) What to do, what to do... It is almost hopeless...
Filled up some job postings to see if a miracle happens... I need challenge... This boring situation is beginning to make me tick...
Whatever... It's all in the Master's hand... Hope this game won't suck in the end...
10-4
Filled up some job postings to see if a miracle happens... I need challenge... This boring situation is beginning to make me tick...
Whatever... It's all in the Master's hand... Hope this game won't suck in the end...
10-4
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
and you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter
And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance
Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker
And I'm fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature
What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around... all around
Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?
Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you olong for the next distraction
And all I need now is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no cencept of time other and it is flying
If only I could kill the killer
All I really want is some peace man
A place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice
-Alannis Morissette, All I Really Want
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
and you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter
And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance
Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker
And I'm fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature
What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around... all around
Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?
Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you olong for the next distraction
And all I need now is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no cencept of time other and it is flying
If only I could kill the killer
All I really want is some peace man
A place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice
-Alannis Morissette, All I Really Want
I can remember the very first time i cried
How i wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside
All of my memories - good and bad - that's past
Didn't even take the time to realize
Starin' at the cracks in the walls
Cuz i'm waiting for it all to come to an end
Still i curl up right under the bed
Cuz its takin' over my head all over again
Do you even know who you are?
I guess i'm tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
I want to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
Lyin' awake watchin' the sunlight
How the birds will sing as i count the rings
Around my eyes
Constantly pushing the world i know aside
I don't even feel the pain, i don't even want to
Try
I'm lookin' for a way to become
The person that i dreamt of when i was sixteen
Oh, nothin' is ever enough
Ooh, baby, it ain't enough for what it may seem
Do you even know who you are?
I'm still tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Everybody wants to be
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No
Sorry girl, tell a tale for me
Cuz i'm wondering how you really feel
I'm a lonely girl, i'll tell a tale for you
Cuz i'm just tryin' to make all my dreams come
True
Do you even know who you are?
Oh, yeah, yeah
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Oh, i wanted to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell, i can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
I guess not, oh i guess not
Do you even know who you are?
Oh, i'm tryin' to find
A rising dream or a superstar?
Oh, i have a all these dreams
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No, no
Do you even know what you are?
A rising dream or a fallen star?
Is life good to you or is it bad?
-Pink, Lonely Girl
How i wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside
All of my memories - good and bad - that's past
Didn't even take the time to realize
Starin' at the cracks in the walls
Cuz i'm waiting for it all to come to an end
Still i curl up right under the bed
Cuz its takin' over my head all over again
Do you even know who you are?
I guess i'm tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
I want to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
Lyin' awake watchin' the sunlight
How the birds will sing as i count the rings
Around my eyes
Constantly pushing the world i know aside
I don't even feel the pain, i don't even want to
Try
I'm lookin' for a way to become
The person that i dreamt of when i was sixteen
Oh, nothin' is ever enough
Ooh, baby, it ain't enough for what it may seem
Do you even know who you are?
I'm still tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Everybody wants to be
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No
Sorry girl, tell a tale for me
Cuz i'm wondering how you really feel
I'm a lonely girl, i'll tell a tale for you
Cuz i'm just tryin' to make all my dreams come
True
Do you even know who you are?
Oh, yeah, yeah
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Oh, i wanted to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell, i can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
I guess not, oh i guess not
Do you even know who you are?
Oh, i'm tryin' to find
A rising dream or a superstar?
Oh, i have a all these dreams
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No, no
Do you even know what you are?
A rising dream or a fallen star?
Is life good to you or is it bad?
-Pink, Lonely Girl
A dream.There was this strange reunion at my aunt's house. Coriolis, Groundel and Tril were there, and things were going well. We were all having fun. Then a neighbor appeared and as Coriolis made a smart remark I snapped back. We decided to talk in private, and as I closed the door he started crying and crying and crying histerically. You know, the kind of histeria when there's absolutely nothing more to do... I wanted to comfort him but didn't dare to get near him. I woke up pretty stirred up. Corilis is the kind of person that doesn't show feelings or weaknesses before anyone, but I have been there before to see this happen... And it scared me, deeply. I wish there was a way to make him understand some things in both our lives, because for someone who knows so much he sometimes overlooks what is really important and what is in his face... I feel bad, because I know he is not happy and I wish there was a way I could make him happy. Sounds silly, but in a way that we cannot understand we are attached to each other. I wish I could do more to show support and cheer him up and make him believe in how important he is for me. He is the only one I envision having a real family with. That deep runs my feelings and faith in him. But he never sees beyond the window, he doesn't dare to even touch the curtain to try looking at the dawn... And so I stay there, in the other side of the window... Looking into his life through the small crevices when the wind blows and the curtain moves with it... Looking at glimpses of his life... hurting when I see him hurt... wishing I could do what I simply can't... Witnessing the empty life others offer and whom he even gives chances that are mindless... I shall forever be there, because he changed my life completely... And even if I fail, he knows I am true to my people, there is no evil in my heart. I will always be his friend. It is just ironic that because of years past he still refuses to see... We are both so different from everyone else. We are both driven by the same forces. It doesn't take a genious to do the math... (sight) And I still wish for a miracle... Am I stupid or what...
I've been pretty lazy this weekend... Maybe its just that I am depressed... Maybe it's just that my mind overloaded my senses... Maybe I'm in short circuit and imploding... Whatever. I am tired... I have no more tears to spill so that part is a relief somehow... But I am tired as hell... No desire to go drive visit anyone, or to window shop... Not even to dial the phone... Tired of everything and everyone. Tired of reaching and feeling and believing... Drained. Dying. Holding on to the last shreds of what I always wanted... to my dreams...
Until the end comes and only darkness remains.
10-4
I've been pretty lazy this weekend... Maybe its just that I am depressed... Maybe it's just that my mind overloaded my senses... Maybe I'm in short circuit and imploding... Whatever. I am tired... I have no more tears to spill so that part is a relief somehow... But I am tired as hell... No desire to go drive visit anyone, or to window shop... Not even to dial the phone... Tired of everything and everyone. Tired of reaching and feeling and believing... Drained. Dying. Holding on to the last shreds of what I always wanted... to my dreams...
Until the end comes and only darkness remains.
10-4
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Boredom leads towards exercising your right of being creative and killing time constructively. And so… Alas! The new images for this little corner of the net are born! It took a bit of patience, but I’m finally satisfied with the outcome. In the past images didn’t relate too much, here they all share a common ground and I think that they are more… real? Fire has always been my favorite element, being Aries obligates proving that fact… Fire, both beautiful, warm and volatile… can be of aid as well as it can be of destruction. So, here I am…
These days have gone fast and not a bit furious. Very peaceful, very silent, very dormant… In a way, that has been a nice interlude as everything has been so hurried that I’ve had no time to smell the roses in the past couple of months… This year I shall not worry and I shall just focus on my small goals. Little by little you do more than trying all at once and failing. Quality, not quantity.
A test to begin making a dream come true, then maybe a house, and then everything in its right place... That's the meaning of 2005.
10-4
These days have gone fast and not a bit furious. Very peaceful, very silent, very dormant… In a way, that has been a nice interlude as everything has been so hurried that I’ve had no time to smell the roses in the past couple of months… This year I shall not worry and I shall just focus on my small goals. Little by little you do more than trying all at once and failing. Quality, not quantity.
A test to begin making a dream come true, then maybe a house, and then everything in its right place... That's the meaning of 2005.
10-4