Here I am, myself, my own… Breathing fire, sulfur and stones… Punishment going deep within my veins, the magma slowly destroying what is within the reins zenith of my core… Rage, and bitter torment… Memories tossing the sands of time to my face, each fragment going skin deep, crawling towards the bones to feed from their hollow mask. How sad when you walk through the woods and the ever sentient poison ivy ensnares you without a warning, without mercy or pity! The screams can echo through the lands, but the voice is empty, silent, void… Mirages that appear too real, but they are only what they can be… Drops fall one by one, dripping in unison, eerie music for the marching souls that straighten up and go on following the leader's signal… Pyres burn in every dark corner, yet the darkness spreads engulfing it with its invisible breath… And so, here I am… Myself… My own.

* * *

Saturday: Gaming during the afternoon. LadyMex called about seeing Aurea, so I called Lucinda to see if she could go too. We stopped gaming at 8:30, Coriolis decided not to go with us because he has a child aversion syndrome… So we went to SanGerman and met a El Calvo's home. He was either absent, sleeping or hiding behind a curtain wishing for strangers to shoo away… LOL So, we passed by Aurea's. She was not there. So… Nothing else to do, right? Seemed like it. I went home, Lucinda was doing the same. And so we expected LadyMex to do the same… Next day I get a message from LadyMex… That she thought our journey to San Germán was a pointless waste of gasoline, and to call her if I wanted her to be part of things. ??????? Hellooooooooo? It's not like we all went there out of an astral travel or a wish or teleport spell… Lucinda went there in her car, I did the same. Why the complaining? We didn’t have money to go anywhere else or do anything else, and we were TIRED. So, what's the point of going around or crashing at someone's house if there's no will to do anything else? It all brings me to the great conclusion that it is better to pay for things than get them for free. Because I am in no mood for stupid attitudes, especially since I have no time to spare, I am constantly on the go, I'm constantly solving issues, and then this girl pours her frustration/anger/whatever it was on me… Shit! I am not the one that always has an excuse for everything, ESPECIALLY using the children as her biggest excuse. That speech of child abuse almost made me puke. Hellooo? I guess that things were easier in Mexico after all, no rules there! Geee! And so, a lovely evening with my beloved friends came to a conclusion… The quest for the Holy Grail made more sense…

LadyMex: Ok, let's put things in a simple way… so you understand… We went to Pabon's house. He was not there. Then we went to Aurea's house. She was not there. So… Oh! There is nowhere else to go to find what we were looking for. Home we go. I think it is quite simple. I do not have Pabóns phone number. I do not have Aurea's phone number. Each time I have to ask Pabón the simplest question, I travel all the way to his cave to get the answer, sometimes it takes 5 minutes betwee hello-question-goodbye. So, spare me your pitiful and lame attempt to make me feel guilty about something I am used to do. If people are not in their houses, and you have no money to go to the movies or to eat out, you go home. It's the sensible thing to do. So, why you MUST make a big issue out of it? You are not a martyr. The times of Crusades are over. The times of Chivalry are over. Men have visited the moon, wars keep on happening, a big storm hit us, and you complain about your having to spend 2 dollars on gas? Woman, you need a better psyquiatrist, the one that attends you is doing NOTHING for you. And spare me the "children" speech. I'm tired of it. Finally, you are part of the wedding if you want to. There is no obligation, and I know you are not thrilled about it. So big deal. If you wanna help when we need you, fine. If not, fine. I am used to do things alone, and I know I am NOT alone. Your self-pity and low self-esteem are appalling!

Lucinda: You were right. Go ahead, say it… You know u wanna say it… I'll play deaf while you say it, though…

Besides the friendly showdown, Sunday gave birth to the bi-monthly showdown that we always expect… Had a biggie with Groundel, again. Frustrating. Tiresome. Bothered. Angry. Why his brain cannot acknowledge common sense? It is so hard to do what you must… be a bit normal, for heaven's sake? Stop playing games, literally, 24/7? Grow up? What I have to do, put a nuclear bomb up your ass and send you to Saturn to implode there? Shheeeeeeshhh!!!

Anyway… It's Monday. Had to go to Aguadilla because the system was down… when I arrived it was up… Ok, so the system is male and reaaaaally loves me. LOL Whatever…

Me: I keep on being sad, but that is ok, I'm used to it by now. I definitively expect nothing from no one. I make my own little bubble around myself, it is gloomy and has no colors and I'll stay there forever and ever. My mind, my world, my problem. LOL Not thinking while working, not thinking while surfin', not thinking while sleeping… Better to be Vierna Darguth, Witch of the North, Great Shamaness who is old and wise and lives all alone in the highest mountain peaks of the Spine of the World… Sometimes solitude is the best remedy to every evil…

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