Dissapointment, I feel...
Dissapointment tears my heart apart and makes me scream from the top of my lungs: HIPOCRITES! So many say that like a mother there is none... Damn right. My mother calls me insane, crazy beyond recognition, a social disturbance. And that she will have nothing to do with my stupid ideas. APPLAUSE FOR THE HIPOCRECY OF SAYING TO ALL HER FRIENDS HOW MUCH SHE HAS DONE FOR HER TWO DAUGHTERS. She has nerves of steel, doesn't she?

An then, the stage turns all lights towards my real mother, the one that raised me... The one that expresses feelings once every lunar eclipse... One thing is very straight: I am paying for my wedding. It is my business, it will be as I want it to be. But even if I ask for an opinion, the one that raised me and knows me so well just says she can say nothing for she cannot compromise... Money. Always money. A nice word would ie her into giving me money... Thats the big translation... So if she says nothing, and just witness my insanity, what that makes her? A partner in crime with the attitude of trying to step all over me... I am so many things, but a loser. I have so many skills, and I have no addictions, and I am hard-working... Yet, what's the reward? A good feeling? Not words, no words from the people that matters to you... And that simply sucks.

I am scheming my wedding without my family's aid. My mother wont have anything to do with it because she seems to be ashamed of my creativity. My other mom won't take part because she would then "have" to spend money on me. I won the first prize for the greatest and most loved daughter, didn't I?

My friends are my family, the ones I chose right, the ones that know who I am and acept it with a smile in their faces. It just hurts... I now my friends love me. I would just like to hear just once that my blood family is proud of me.

10-4