What I feel? It doesn't really matters, I am used to whatever it is. It is funny when things go smoothly in Paradise it is all smiles and understanding. One cloud and it all turns into a pitch black void without return. Once in the beginning, almost as an omen... and twice in the end.

I have alternate realities within my life's shell, and none of them is shit. It is a real pity that the person you wanted to be with could not see or understand your true colors... and would simply turn his back at the first sign of a storm. That's where true friendship is tested, and as a consequence, true love. I knew something was wrong, felt it in my gut for a time... But I was blinded by the beauty of the Oasis that I failed to see it all was a mirage... When you travel too fast everything becomes blurred and uncertain... exciting, beautiful... but ethereal. I willingly fall in that trap. I was asked to believe, and I did. But time hopping is not one of my special abilities, and so it had to take a human course... I asked only for time. Seems that was a big request. I was put boundaries to my free will, and I am one who won't tolerate boundaries. I don't need them. I do things as I feel them, and speak just the right amount of words each time... throwing out to the world genuine me... I needed not be reminded to be myself... I am myself. Always. For good or bad. For dream or nightmare. I am. My own. I don't comply to what I don't believe in. It's all as simple as that...

So complex to deal with... yet so simple. I don't need guidance, directions, commands... I need understanding and love. I don't need a physical demand 24/7. I need the passionate embrace of souls meeting in dreams if not in flesh. I am beyond some things. A pity those closer cannot appreciate it...

I could reply shit with shit, but I don't have to. I know who I am, and I know what I want. I expect perfection. I expect the best. I am to be worshipped. He who complies will have the same. But try to put boundaries to me, and it all falls down.

What I feel? A good question... with no answer. I am deeply sad, at the mud he tries to throw me, the attitude towards me, the lack of faith and compassion... I understand anger and outrage and even jealousy, but I cannot understand how you can say today "Marry me" and the next day "Have a nice life". Somehow the math doesn't add up. Because I did believe and I did love and I did give a chance... I just needed time.

No regrets. No apologies if my best ain't good enough. I am capable of handling problems. He just runs away from them. And so... Enough about him. Another one who breaks my heart. Although this time it was faster... no less painful.

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