I am so tired! Couldn't sleep at all last night, trying to put together so many different pieces... I feel completely free now, completely at peace. Went to see Trilogy before heading to the chiropractor. The outside intension was simply that he would go with me since I was feeling a bit dizzy... But the inner intension was more serious. I wanted to test myself so I would be certain of what i am doing... of my newest choices. My! I was in for a big surprise. Sort of... There was the usual mess in his house, his grandparents and his father. And he seemed happy to see me. But something is definitively changed inside of me. Since the time was measured I just talked a little, and just went to the chiropractor alone. I live on memories and the house is a time capsule. But I am changed. I am not the raging youth that was a rebel to the bone and that wanted death before anything else. And I am not the raging youth that hated more than loved, and that simply believed in a dream just because... I won't ever accept less than what I deserve. I felt pity... of all things... Pity on him, on how he has let time kill his life and dreams... And pity at me, for waiting aimlessly for someone that in theory loves me but in practice only humilliated and took advantage of me, willingly or not. So I was as cold as ice, as bitchy cold as I can be, and it was not because I wanted but because I felt that way... It was all pity? No. But right now it is. I felt everything for nothing, so now I feel nothing for everything. With him. For him. It is sad. I gave my life for him... with him... But the fire consumed both. The difference is, I am a phoenix. It took a long time... But I am reborn.
Reborn.
Free. Free to fly to any Heaven I chose, not even the Universe a limit... No limits. A lonely flight? Not quite. As an old tale said, changes and flight... always higher... always looking for perfection... always unique...
Reborn. And in this birth just finding out the zest of life, the intoxication of depht, the enchantment of true love.
Yes, I said that...
Am I wrong?
It doesn't matter. I am eternal. I need to find my soulmate in every life... And there are many. I was lucky to find one that filled my past but must still learn some lessons... Now... Luck strikes back and plays with my fooloshness, granting me a precious gift once more...
Forever?
Maybe.
May not.
Another phoenix traces my flight, and its beauty haunts me every day and night.
Forever?
We'll see.
Share my flight, burn with me. Flames should not consume us, but feed us. My equal. My inspiration.
May this be an eternal flame...

Ok... So... Back to how I feel... Part of me deeply sad, part of me relieved... Part of me revived... All of me in love. I am finding the energy to go on and try to conquer the world... One last time... I'll hold on to some dreams for a little while, but others stay in the past. Pieces of the puzzle are falling into place... Given time... Given faith...

I'll give faith. I'll believe. No regrets. No holding back. Just scream it louder than anything else. Jo, thank you for restoring my self... my true self. Take my last breath if I am to die. :)

So, after that vision of perfection... LOL Last night had a long talk with Groundel. He'll try to apply elvish rules to his orcish nature, he must, as he is officially part of the elvish family. No more orcish outrage will be accepted, ok? :P

Got a call from school, so I'll give it one last shot. The counselor convinced me with that: Only 2 more weeks, just post and get it over with. LOL She knows me. I am too transparent. :P

Work: travel-travel-travel-plenty to do. Yesterday was finishing loose ends in Aguadilla. Must go today to SanGermán and tomorrow stay in the office for a while. My 2nd chiro-date is tomorrow's afternoon.

Not bored at all. I'm so tired and so sleepy... But quoting someone who will be famous soon enough, "I'll sleep when I'm dead".

10-4