Movies watched in the past days:
HARRY POTTER & the Half-Blood Prince: A bit dissapointing, I think this movie should not have been divided in two... It left it open to too much slow action. I almost fall asleep. I know, they are just focusing on the changes in the teens but come on... Love Snape, though. And hated seeing so little of Bellatrix.
KNOWING: Surprisingly one of the best movies of late... and still, it is just entertaining... not a wow... It has too much of scenes we have seen in many other movies. That ending reminded me of the big wave coming over the lady hugging her father in front of the lighthouse... after the asteroid crash... Same thing, different element (this time, a devastating sun beam).
ICE AGE 3: Amen. Smart & funny. A MUST see! Can you believe it, much better than anything else playing right now!
This summer has been awful for movies... Lack of "punch" and creativity. Well, what can you expect... If the masses acclaim awful mindless things as Transformers 2, of course there will be a long run with Twilight... Ugh! And no Bitch Slap on sight...
Classes began last week, so that explains my lack of writing everywhere. This is Flash2:Actionscript3.0. Although it doesn't seem too difficult, it is VERY time consuming and little things becomes a nightmare. Now starts week 2, and it means that this week we get to do everything we did in Flash1, in 7 days. Have mercy!
I keep sending out resumes... Up, up, and awayyyyy!!! Nothing so far. Frustrating. And thanks to no job, we couldnt even get to file the adoption papers for the training... So that project is also stuck. No job, everything is stuck... Everything.
Summer finally arrived, and the heat is awful. the cold is terrible, and then the heat is unbearable. You get everything related to heatstroke... EVERYTHING.
Hubby is trying to get the paperwork together to start classes in August, and baby has been misbehaving with the nurses (it is becoming quite obvious she wants just two people to take care of her: mommy and daddy... period).
Update over...
10-4
Monday, July 20, 2009
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
A WISH FADES AWAY
We LOVE our homeland. Yes, many people are VERY anoying, but we LOVE our homeland. I LOVE my little island of wonders and enchantment. I want to go back, so we can have a choice in our everyday life when it comes to having fun, leisure... beaches, forests, caverns... You name it, we have it. At an easy reach. Friends and family are there, good and bad... but they are there. We are tired and jaded and we really need to see familiar faces, and maybe even get into a familiar routine but more into our own 'coqui' tunes...
This weekend we realized we can't go back. Not a realization... Well, it is something that was in the back of our heads, and we were trying to accomodate, and make true... But we knew better, we had hypothesis of how we could cope, how we could make things happen... We have many plans, A-B-C, all leading towards our surprising and triumphant return. We were proven wrong. Everything collapsed.
During the weekend i was contacted by another SMA family, it was peculiar that they were from PR, and they are still there. They have a boy that has a tracheostomy, and for whom they are literally "pasando el Niagara en bicicleta". At least they accomplished one important thing: They took the kid to Santo Domingo and did phase 1 of a stem cells treatment (they are 3 phases). That was no easy task, as each treatment's phase is $30,000, out of pocket, as no insurance covers it. And they began witnessing the fast improvements in their kid thanks to the risk they took. This is uplifting and brings much needed hope.
Now, to the bad part of the story...
PR and it's stupid political/economical/health system. They have the same insurance I did when I worked in the government agency... They must pay deductible of 20% that makes monthly expenses reach $3,5000(equipment, mandatory maintenance supplies, special food, etc). Think about it... In my not so perfect job I earned $2500... which paid all debts leaving just $50 in my bank account. Yes, I foresee our situation really well... Forcing the kid off the plan so la Reforma covers it cuts all services in half, as la Reforma is not accepted everywhere and doesn't cover EVERYTHING. Right now if we go back, Deedee would have to go with it as no insurance will allow her in the plan because of SMA being a fatal congenital illness...
Plus there are NO doctors seeing these kids. The only pulmonologist involved with them is trying not to see them so he pushes the Health department to do something... Gee, that solves everything... Health department don't care about 300 expendable kids on vents. Service providers literally don't have a heart, and if you don't pay they take everything away (thus the cases of dead kids...).
Living off the system won't help either as you would be forced to keep the kid under the very basics, reusing all stuff you are supposed to dispose of, making the food last by thinning it... you name it. And we are talking helping the kid survive... If Deedee has no tracheostomy when we go back, at the first emergency they will do one. PR don't want to handle NIV (non-invasive) even if proof of its benefits is there. And it is funny, because they dont handle well kids with tracheostomy (most end up in eternal hospital stays, getting medicines given by nurses and not seeing by the doctors that prescribes them...)... Until they die.
And SSI seems to be a distant alternative for us too. We have it here, I wonder if they would take it away because they don't want to give it in the island. Disturbing, as last year if you read Social Security notices, SSI is mandatory and of fast processing when fatal cases come into play, and SMA is listed on those exceptional cases. But you must belong to a state... And PR is a commonwealth... Funny, because I know some people get SSI. It is all selective aid.
So... until there is Medicaid, a respiratory center, doctors willing to have these kids in their offices, an ER willing to work with NIV and emphatic medical supply business... there is no going back. No salty weather... no blissful wind... no mango trees... no winter sun... Because Deedee must be there, must live and grow... Must have a true chance... And who knows, maybe even the stem cells will work a miracle if they are finally made accessible... They work with Cerebral Palsy. Hopefully they will work with SMA. And so we must stay until then...
Now what.
10-4
This weekend we realized we can't go back. Not a realization... Well, it is something that was in the back of our heads, and we were trying to accomodate, and make true... But we knew better, we had hypothesis of how we could cope, how we could make things happen... We have many plans, A-B-C, all leading towards our surprising and triumphant return. We were proven wrong. Everything collapsed.
During the weekend i was contacted by another SMA family, it was peculiar that they were from PR, and they are still there. They have a boy that has a tracheostomy, and for whom they are literally "pasando el Niagara en bicicleta". At least they accomplished one important thing: They took the kid to Santo Domingo and did phase 1 of a stem cells treatment (they are 3 phases). That was no easy task, as each treatment's phase is $30,000, out of pocket, as no insurance covers it. And they began witnessing the fast improvements in their kid thanks to the risk they took. This is uplifting and brings much needed hope.
Now, to the bad part of the story...
PR and it's stupid political/economical/health system. They have the same insurance I did when I worked in the government agency... They must pay deductible of 20% that makes monthly expenses reach $3,5000(equipment, mandatory maintenance supplies, special food, etc). Think about it... In my not so perfect job I earned $2500... which paid all debts leaving just $50 in my bank account. Yes, I foresee our situation really well... Forcing the kid off the plan so la Reforma covers it cuts all services in half, as la Reforma is not accepted everywhere and doesn't cover EVERYTHING. Right now if we go back, Deedee would have to go with it as no insurance will allow her in the plan because of SMA being a fatal congenital illness...
Plus there are NO doctors seeing these kids. The only pulmonologist involved with them is trying not to see them so he pushes the Health department to do something... Gee, that solves everything... Health department don't care about 300 expendable kids on vents. Service providers literally don't have a heart, and if you don't pay they take everything away (thus the cases of dead kids...).
Living off the system won't help either as you would be forced to keep the kid under the very basics, reusing all stuff you are supposed to dispose of, making the food last by thinning it... you name it. And we are talking helping the kid survive... If Deedee has no tracheostomy when we go back, at the first emergency they will do one. PR don't want to handle NIV (non-invasive) even if proof of its benefits is there. And it is funny, because they dont handle well kids with tracheostomy (most end up in eternal hospital stays, getting medicines given by nurses and not seeing by the doctors that prescribes them...)... Until they die.
And SSI seems to be a distant alternative for us too. We have it here, I wonder if they would take it away because they don't want to give it in the island. Disturbing, as last year if you read Social Security notices, SSI is mandatory and of fast processing when fatal cases come into play, and SMA is listed on those exceptional cases. But you must belong to a state... And PR is a commonwealth... Funny, because I know some people get SSI. It is all selective aid.
So... until there is Medicaid, a respiratory center, doctors willing to have these kids in their offices, an ER willing to work with NIV and emphatic medical supply business... there is no going back. No salty weather... no blissful wind... no mango trees... no winter sun... Because Deedee must be there, must live and grow... Must have a true chance... And who knows, maybe even the stem cells will work a miracle if they are finally made accessible... They work with Cerebral Palsy. Hopefully they will work with SMA. And so we must stay until then...
Now what.
10-4
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Transformers2, Pelham123, Audition, One Missed Call
Transformers2... Eye candy, but a definitive dissapointment in dialogue/script/story. Gosh... Where are the good writers? Why I didn't became one, and save us all from so much crap? It's so sad... I can't tolerate the stupid way they make the Decepticons. Really... I could bear things if only just Megatron looked as himself... not as a spiked thinguie out of a Giger picture... Ugh!
The Taking of Pelham 123... It was ok. Not wow, too slow in some parts... but at least it was a bit interesting. A good weekend rental.
Audition... The beginning and the middle of it all... a long, LOOONG foreshadowing of the characters, thier specific circumstances, how they meet, how the relationship blooms... And then you see the sack moving behind the phone that rings, and the lovely smile in the girl's face. Well, it is a typical asian horror storyline... but gotta love the last 15 minutes of the movie. It makes the whole longeleer of time that you feel you are falling asleep make it worth the pain... The girl irradiates gullible lovely innocense while cutting the guy's feet... with such delicate demeanors... Granted, the rest of the movie sucked... but those last 15 minutes... Priceless.
One missed call... the american version... It was ok. A bit slow, but at least you keep some interest. Still, can't get over the fact that original is better, no matter how you put it. This movie goes fast, real fast! I found interesting the death in front of everybody leaving people not able to do anything to help, and then the hard candy (jawbreaker?) falling out from the mouth. Nice touch. But really, all the movies must have something related to a hospital in the beginning, middle or end? Come on!
Me: Reading some, creating some, figuring out the latest gifts. In the middle of the chaos and the request to free Toto in PR, life IS good.
10-4
The Taking of Pelham 123... It was ok. Not wow, too slow in some parts... but at least it was a bit interesting. A good weekend rental.
Audition... The beginning and the middle of it all... a long, LOOONG foreshadowing of the characters, thier specific circumstances, how they meet, how the relationship blooms... And then you see the sack moving behind the phone that rings, and the lovely smile in the girl's face. Well, it is a typical asian horror storyline... but gotta love the last 15 minutes of the movie. It makes the whole longeleer of time that you feel you are falling asleep make it worth the pain... The girl irradiates gullible lovely innocense while cutting the guy's feet... with such delicate demeanors... Granted, the rest of the movie sucked... but those last 15 minutes... Priceless.
One missed call... the american version... It was ok. A bit slow, but at least you keep some interest. Still, can't get over the fact that original is better, no matter how you put it. This movie goes fast, real fast! I found interesting the death in front of everybody leaving people not able to do anything to help, and then the hard candy (jawbreaker?) falling out from the mouth. Nice touch. But really, all the movies must have something related to a hospital in the beginning, middle or end? Come on!
Me: Reading some, creating some, figuring out the latest gifts. In the middle of the chaos and the request to free Toto in PR, life IS good.
10-4
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
And the latest movies that I liked...
Liked? No... REALLY liked. Up and Taken.
Up: Bitter-sweet, very nicely done. The idea of completing a dream, the voyage of a character through conflicts and the big adventure of life... Priceless. Loved how they tackled the relationships, loyalty, loss, grief, friendship and what is the real meaning of life. Ellie did not went to South America, physically, but had her adventure with the man she loved. And was with him through everything, although invisible. In the end, she actually helps complete the task of not leaving her hubby alone... Loved this movie. A MUST SEE and a MUST BUY.
Taken: Just by that line in the trailer, you know it is a hunt, and the bad guys are going to get it. I loved the hunt. We watched this on Father's day, very appropriate for the day. Enough action, enough reality... Nice message. This is a good entertaining rental.
Still waiting for BitchSlap!
Up: Bitter-sweet, very nicely done. The idea of completing a dream, the voyage of a character through conflicts and the big adventure of life... Priceless. Loved how they tackled the relationships, loyalty, loss, grief, friendship and what is the real meaning of life. Ellie did not went to South America, physically, but had her adventure with the man she loved. And was with him through everything, although invisible. In the end, she actually helps complete the task of not leaving her hubby alone... Loved this movie. A MUST SEE and a MUST BUY.
Taken: Just by that line in the trailer, you know it is a hunt, and the bad guys are going to get it. I loved the hunt. We watched this on Father's day, very appropriate for the day. Enough action, enough reality... Nice message. This is a good entertaining rental.
Still waiting for BitchSlap!
Exploring possibilities
So what is new in my world? Hmm... Let's see...
Studies: Finished the DB class, perfect score thank-u-very-much. For the summer round I'll have two killer classes from July 13 to August 15. Those will be Advanced Flash and Advanced Web Design. So I foresee very busy days, staying up all night... The usual love-hate-love that I love-hate-love.
Exploring Studies: Been reading from different universities for Rehab Counseling, Special Ed Teaching... and the more I read the more i know I should just do the Media Design & Animation thinguie even if it seems long (3yrs)... simply because it is what I like from the bottom of my heart. Who knows... If the stars align themselves so I can do this... by getting a job...
Jobwise: Well, right now I am a Freelance Graphic/Web Designer for a company. Yup, got the offer and filled up paperwork, but until my first paycheck wont say it is official. It is more like an exploration experiment to see if I really like this... It has all I wanted: Work at Home, login, get the job, get it done, upload, get approved, get paid, next! No fuss, everything online. So I can supervise nurses job, MissD. and study. Let's watch what happens... At the same time the ex-boss who was sort of a boss is back, this time including my hubby in the offer. Let's see what happens in that one as well... I won't commit to anything until my classes from the Web Design diploma are over (September, just 3 more classes to go). After that, and after the experience as being freelance, we'll see what is best.
Exploring family: Well, opening up the home to alternatives of fostering or adopting, more biased towards adoption. It is a lifetime commitment that seems very right, as we have no family tailing us, and it would be a nice thing to have that touch in the house. Not looking for babies, not looking for younglings, focusing on teens and one special case that is 7 years old and drew our attention. But first, we have to pass the study/tests so we get certified for it. It is all a 90 days process. After that, then the state decides if we can do it. Let's watch what happens.
Days flying away, real fast... Many things to do, a few dreams to reach, and just the right amount of time to do it all.
Can't say we have no excitement.
10-4
Studies: Finished the DB class, perfect score thank-u-very-much. For the summer round I'll have two killer classes from July 13 to August 15. Those will be Advanced Flash and Advanced Web Design. So I foresee very busy days, staying up all night... The usual love-hate-love that I love-hate-love.
Exploring Studies: Been reading from different universities for Rehab Counseling, Special Ed Teaching... and the more I read the more i know I should just do the Media Design & Animation thinguie even if it seems long (3yrs)... simply because it is what I like from the bottom of my heart. Who knows... If the stars align themselves so I can do this... by getting a job...
Jobwise: Well, right now I am a Freelance Graphic/Web Designer for a company. Yup, got the offer and filled up paperwork, but until my first paycheck wont say it is official. It is more like an exploration experiment to see if I really like this... It has all I wanted: Work at Home, login, get the job, get it done, upload, get approved, get paid, next! No fuss, everything online. So I can supervise nurses job, MissD. and study. Let's watch what happens... At the same time the ex-boss who was sort of a boss is back, this time including my hubby in the offer. Let's see what happens in that one as well... I won't commit to anything until my classes from the Web Design diploma are over (September, just 3 more classes to go). After that, and after the experience as being freelance, we'll see what is best.
Exploring family: Well, opening up the home to alternatives of fostering or adopting, more biased towards adoption. It is a lifetime commitment that seems very right, as we have no family tailing us, and it would be a nice thing to have that touch in the house. Not looking for babies, not looking for younglings, focusing on teens and one special case that is 7 years old and drew our attention. But first, we have to pass the study/tests so we get certified for it. It is all a 90 days process. After that, then the state decides if we can do it. Let's watch what happens.
Days flying away, real fast... Many things to do, a few dreams to reach, and just the right amount of time to do it all.
Can't say we have no excitement.
10-4
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Ash's new collar & latest events
So, Ash now has a new pink collar so the whole world knows that she is a female. Good intentions, but not so appreciated by kitty, who kept fussing over the jingle bell and tossing and turning for almost an hour.
Yesterday saw Coraline & He's not that into you...
CORALINE: Of course I LOVED Coraline. That's a must get video. Interesting concept about the buttons. Loved the allegories on everything. And it may even motivate me to dye my hair blue... Who knows, let's see if I get that bored...
HE's NOT THAT INTO YOU... not so bad for a Jen Anniston movie (sorry, she'll always be Rachel no matter what she does...). This is more like a rebound of The Breakup... with a happy ending. Loved seeing Drew Barrymore, though. Big fan of her. But this is a once seen barely remembered movie... Too much of same clichés...
FRIDAY THE 13th... I tried. I honestly tried. But couldn't get ANY interest after the first 5 minutes. Sorry. I rather stick to the original.
Well, besides this, just a week and a half more to finish the DB class. Yay! Just 3 more to go... but I'll have a small "vacation" of 2 weeks. That's cool. I will try to get my license over here, and also to work on two websites: One for my landlord's church/community center, and one for Groundel who will soon loose his space in geocities as it is closing. Still job-hunting, and still information-hunting for the next studying project... So far being a Special Ed. teacher is winning over the Rehab Counseling... Let's see what else I find out...
Hubby is excited about something that may bring on the light at the end of the tunnel. Send good karma his way. :)
Thanks to Coriolis for the latest key to making school a happier place. :) Now, don't forget the bank thinguie!
And that's that for the last couple of days...
10-4
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
The weekly news, or something...
Lets see...
Looking up information on two themes for studying:
Ms in Rehabilitation Counseling
Teaching certification for Special Education
So far, the RC is winning based on what I already know and what I should be able to do in the near future. But who knows... I may change my mind based on time and place and grants. For both there are grants. Let's wait and see. First, need to finish this diploma. Next, only time will tell.
Looking up information to be a foster parent. That would actually allow us to survive a bit longer, plus it would give us the opportunity to make a difference for someone else. Only time will tell.
Little Miss D. is in process for the three main stuff she needs: wheelchair, bed and stander. Only time will tell...
Hubby is trying to complete re-admission paperwork for the online INTER curriculum, to finish his degree. Only time will tell...
I've been in contact with some of my people from work and it has been uplifting. At least I know that I made a difference in some people's life. That's always good. It's also good to know that you are not forgotten, and that people actually acknowledge your efforts. It's a feel good thing. Hey, it's good to feel good. Not everything has to be depressing and sad and hard.
I would like to be able to go for at least a weekend over to the isle, too checkup on Auntie and see old faces. But that is a wish. Right now, no money no bologni.
Moviewise, these are my latests exploits:
The Unborn. Liked it. Same repetitive stuff from Asian films, you know she is pregnant (duh)... Reminded me of The Eye 2, many copied ideas.
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Well, knock me over, sedate me, make me watch it... in my sleep so i appreciate it... Bad attempt to do a romantic comedy that rocks... Good idea, bad execution? Watching the wedding version of Scrooged... literally... ain't funny.
Looking forward to Harry Potter, Transformers2, GIJOE... Still thinking that Bitch Slap is an April fool's day joke... Still pondering: Why a Saw VI? Then again, why a remake of Short Circuit?
And that's exactly how it happened...
10-4
Looking up information on two themes for studying:
Ms in Rehabilitation Counseling
Teaching certification for Special Education
So far, the RC is winning based on what I already know and what I should be able to do in the near future. But who knows... I may change my mind based on time and place and grants. For both there are grants. Let's wait and see. First, need to finish this diploma. Next, only time will tell.
Looking up information to be a foster parent. That would actually allow us to survive a bit longer, plus it would give us the opportunity to make a difference for someone else. Only time will tell.
Little Miss D. is in process for the three main stuff she needs: wheelchair, bed and stander. Only time will tell...
Hubby is trying to complete re-admission paperwork for the online INTER curriculum, to finish his degree. Only time will tell...
I've been in contact with some of my people from work and it has been uplifting. At least I know that I made a difference in some people's life. That's always good. It's also good to know that you are not forgotten, and that people actually acknowledge your efforts. It's a feel good thing. Hey, it's good to feel good. Not everything has to be depressing and sad and hard.
I would like to be able to go for at least a weekend over to the isle, too checkup on Auntie and see old faces. But that is a wish. Right now, no money no bologni.
Moviewise, these are my latests exploits:
The Unborn. Liked it. Same repetitive stuff from Asian films, you know she is pregnant (duh)... Reminded me of The Eye 2, many copied ideas.
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Well, knock me over, sedate me, make me watch it... in my sleep so i appreciate it... Bad attempt to do a romantic comedy that rocks... Good idea, bad execution? Watching the wedding version of Scrooged... literally... ain't funny.
Looking forward to Harry Potter, Transformers2, GIJOE... Still thinking that Bitch Slap is an April fool's day joke... Still pondering: Why a Saw VI? Then again, why a remake of Short Circuit?
And that's exactly how it happened...
10-4
Saturday, June 06, 2009
Monday, June 01, 2009
The Daily Picks
Well... Lately we've been watching at least one movie per day to battle off some depressive awareness of life. The latest have been:
Terminator 4:Salvation. Wow. I expected a really bad sequel, but no... It was actually good. Predictable (a big trend for some time now), but I liked the machine giving out his heart to save the human... one of the most human thing to do: self-sacrifice. Enjoyed this one a-lot. From the summer blockbusters, I'll have to say this one is by far my favorite, followed by eye-candy Star Trek (who gets a second place in my list for being a re-make). The new John Connor is more believable than the gleaming hero stereotype he had before. I like this one better. Much more tangible. Skynet... I couldnt help but be transported to the T2 attraction at Universal. They really nailed the corporate Umbrella-like thing.
Wanted. Well, I must say that I thought it would be crap, and I disliked the Matrix-like scenes, but I liked the ending. It was obvious that the hunter was the father, so there... But the ending was ok for this type of movie.
Mirrors. Anoher remake of an Asian movie... But ok, granted, it was bearable. I really liked the concept and the execution was not catastrophic. It actually was entertaining... Predictable, but keeps your attention with the mirror effects. Loved the nun turned devil.
Besides these, been busy with class (duh). So far it's been an easy ride. I know the next two classes will be a pain in the whoohoo... Actionscript3 (Advanced Flash) and advanced PHP. More programming... I'll ask if I can take Illustrator, after all that is the part for which I wanted design on the first place...
Miss D has been doing great, so things have been routine and happy. Wonder Pets galore! And us doing some job hunting. I completed my potfolio site. Since geocities will be goine soon, I'm taking away all the bits I can and revamping the rest. Created a new Artiste & Techie site. Go check it out if you want to see my art and designs. Critiques are welcome.
So... Kitty has been a pain, hubby has been checking up college stuff, I am checking up jobs and college stuff too, and we are all keeping ourselves busy while keeping sanity and taking care of our Deeva. La-la-la.
PS: Friends are welcome. In the last past months we have noticesd that our friends are getting very lazy on us... No phone calls, no messages, no returning messages or calls... Come on, people... This is the only way we can actually feel we have a "social life". Being isolated within 4 walls is NOT easy. Trying to conquer the world behind a computer is fun, but is MORE fun if it's shared. This, in the NOW, is where we need you. We need your support, your being there, your insight as stupid as it can be. Yup, even listening to your daily crap is good, so we take a small break from our situation... We are in for a lifetime. We need to go on. And we need your support or presence or daily crappy babbling to at least have a good laugh a day. Is that so hard?
10-4
Terminator 4:Salvation. Wow. I expected a really bad sequel, but no... It was actually good. Predictable (a big trend for some time now), but I liked the machine giving out his heart to save the human... one of the most human thing to do: self-sacrifice. Enjoyed this one a-lot. From the summer blockbusters, I'll have to say this one is by far my favorite, followed by eye-candy Star Trek (who gets a second place in my list for being a re-make). The new John Connor is more believable than the gleaming hero stereotype he had before. I like this one better. Much more tangible. Skynet... I couldnt help but be transported to the T2 attraction at Universal. They really nailed the corporate Umbrella-like thing.
Wanted. Well, I must say that I thought it would be crap, and I disliked the Matrix-like scenes, but I liked the ending. It was obvious that the hunter was the father, so there... But the ending was ok for this type of movie.
Mirrors. Anoher remake of an Asian movie... But ok, granted, it was bearable. I really liked the concept and the execution was not catastrophic. It actually was entertaining... Predictable, but keeps your attention with the mirror effects. Loved the nun turned devil.
Besides these, been busy with class (duh). So far it's been an easy ride. I know the next two classes will be a pain in the whoohoo... Actionscript3 (Advanced Flash) and advanced PHP. More programming... I'll ask if I can take Illustrator, after all that is the part for which I wanted design on the first place...
Miss D has been doing great, so things have been routine and happy. Wonder Pets galore! And us doing some job hunting. I completed my potfolio site. Since geocities will be goine soon, I'm taking away all the bits I can and revamping the rest. Created a new Artiste & Techie site. Go check it out if you want to see my art and designs. Critiques are welcome.
So... Kitty has been a pain, hubby has been checking up college stuff, I am checking up jobs and college stuff too, and we are all keeping ourselves busy while keeping sanity and taking care of our Deeva. La-la-la.
PS: Friends are welcome. In the last past months we have noticesd that our friends are getting very lazy on us... No phone calls, no messages, no returning messages or calls... Come on, people... This is the only way we can actually feel we have a "social life". Being isolated within 4 walls is NOT easy. Trying to conquer the world behind a computer is fun, but is MORE fun if it's shared. This, in the NOW, is where we need you. We need your support, your being there, your insight as stupid as it can be. Yup, even listening to your daily crap is good, so we take a small break from our situation... We are in for a lifetime. We need to go on. And we need your support or presence or daily crappy babbling to at least have a good laugh a day. Is that so hard?
10-4
Friday, May 29, 2009
Movies... School... Diva... Movies...
Wolverine... Didn't met any expectation whatsoever (thank heaven I had none for it). Entertaining adamantite... Loved Gambit. Still hate Scott. Xavier looked so fake...
Night at the Museum 2... Didn't met any expectation whatsoever (thank heaven I had none for it). Sucked. Will never be remembered anyway. Nothing like the first one.
Star Trek... Didn't met any expectation whatsoever (thank heaven I had none for it, because I actually liked it). This movie actually went way over my expectations (I had none). Kirk was Kirk in every gesture and sentence... I cant get over the thrill of Ceasar being McCoy... And Spock was perfect, Spock Prime even better. Uhura at least had brains... And the website is almost as good as Michelin's website. Very nice. Reminded me of the Andromeda Ascendant.
A Haunting in Connecticut... It was ok... entertaining. Next!
Watchmen... Eye candy. Expected much more... Too long, too few bangs... Didn't like it at all.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button... The story that feels like a mix of Big Fish and Forest Gump... The story that the movie trailers said nothing about... Blew me away. It is always the movie that you underestimate the most... This one really got to me. Gotta have it. Up there with Moulin Rouge and Chicago (although it is not a musical... just a ticking)...
Between this, the Jon & Kate plus 8 fake drama, Wonderpets, House, and re-runs of America's Next top Model... And the weekly dosis of Legend of the Seeker... This is the survivor kit... Sort of...
Taking Database class... I don't get WHY I did not get this one convalidated... Hello!!!! I have a BSBA in IT!!!! But, ok... bearing with it... 3 more classes to get the sheep's skin. Just three more classes...
And maybe then I'll go for the BS Media Design & Animation... Shhhhhhh I said Maybe.
10-4
Night at the Museum 2... Didn't met any expectation whatsoever (thank heaven I had none for it). Sucked. Will never be remembered anyway. Nothing like the first one.
Star Trek... Didn't met any expectation whatsoever (thank heaven I had none for it, because I actually liked it). This movie actually went way over my expectations (I had none). Kirk was Kirk in every gesture and sentence... I cant get over the thrill of Ceasar being McCoy... And Spock was perfect, Spock Prime even better. Uhura at least had brains... And the website is almost as good as Michelin's website. Very nice. Reminded me of the Andromeda Ascendant.
A Haunting in Connecticut... It was ok... entertaining. Next!
Watchmen... Eye candy. Expected much more... Too long, too few bangs... Didn't like it at all.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button... The story that feels like a mix of Big Fish and Forest Gump... The story that the movie trailers said nothing about... Blew me away. It is always the movie that you underestimate the most... This one really got to me. Gotta have it. Up there with Moulin Rouge and Chicago (although it is not a musical... just a ticking)...
Between this, the Jon & Kate plus 8 fake drama, Wonderpets, House, and re-runs of America's Next top Model... And the weekly dosis of Legend of the Seeker... This is the survivor kit... Sort of...
Taking Database class... I don't get WHY I did not get this one convalidated... Hello!!!! I have a BSBA in IT!!!! But, ok... bearing with it... 3 more classes to get the sheep's skin. Just three more classes...
And maybe then I'll go for the BS Media Design & Animation... Shhhhhhh I said Maybe.
10-4
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Remakes: Conan the Barbarian & Red Sonja & StarTrek
Just found these...
Red Sonja (in pre-production) , will be played by RoseMcGowan... At least the cover/poster rocks! Red should be released by 2010...
Conan is in pre-production...
And BitchSlap is coming... Next week on the Cannes festival...
The geek in me had to come out, and pleads you to visit the Star Trek Movie site if you have not done so already... It has the wow factor.
Yup. This was the excitement of the morning.
Monday, May 11, 2009
MOVIES: RSVP? or more RIP?
Yup, that should be for the next good movie coming up... if that ever happens. Three people have been complaining about the latest outrage: Wolverine. Well, yeah... Stan lee had joined George Lucas into betraying the true storylines for money. How strange. It is sad that the newest breed, or as I call them "younglings", become so excited above movies and characters that have been butchered. Wolverine's story was changed, not to the best of his interest... And once again the creative liberties with other characters have achieved atrocities. I love Gambit. I always will love Gambit. But not the Gambit of the movie. And is the same with Wolvie, I will always love Wolvie! The one that is in my comic-book vault... So many Weapon-X comics, so many spotlights... Classic X-men, graphic novels... Every story different yet all of them threaded so a bigger plot would prevail. All got screwed when Cable and so many others appeared.
It is the death of the icing of the cake, as now they just give generic SaraLee cakes... And younglings seem to love those generic cakes... If only they knew that the best cakes were done by old ladies in their homes!
Take Twilight... I still don't understand the big deal about it. The old 90210 had more drama and deep storylines than the stupid storyline that it presents... The movie lacks EVERYTHING, and yet all these younglings throw themselves at the cast and look forward to more Twilight... Nothing like Interview with the Vampire. Even Queen of the Damned (the movie) is better than Twilight (and for me to say that... because QotD really, really sucked... the bad way).
Originality at the movies seems extinct... This is now remake land... Or "bring back the 80s" not understanding that you may mimic anything but it will never be the same. What about creating a different era? Big problem when there is such a big lack of true talent. The only good young actors of note right now is Johny Depp... Now, there's someone who do original work. Besides him... I really can't think of anyone else. The good old ones are getting too old and dying. It is scary, when you think about it...
I look forward to Transformers just to see what else they can do with it. They already screwed the original characters... GIJOE is eye candy in red white and blue, an ode to fighting terrorism... and I only want to see it because of the Baroness. Terminator... I am curious to see what else can they milk from that storyline and how can they succeed without Cali's governor. Remake-land will butcher poor Jason on the next Friday the 13th... And will grant Star Trek's captain Kirk a second chance (maybe this time the actor will actually... act...). It's going to be quite a year... Of more blah... I don't expect anything amazing or original from any of these films. Now is the moment of eye-candy and effects with no stories... That is the food of the new generation.
In the middle of so much blah it is good to find something like Legend of the Seeker. One may think it is like Herc or Xena, but no... The stories are well written and they are not just about the main characters. And they have lots of creativity on them. I'm definitively moved towards reading the books that the series are based upon. Yup, a TV series gives many kicks and blasts to all hype movies currently showing on the theater... talk about saving bucks!
10-4
It is the death of the icing of the cake, as now they just give generic SaraLee cakes... And younglings seem to love those generic cakes... If only they knew that the best cakes were done by old ladies in their homes!
Take Twilight... I still don't understand the big deal about it. The old 90210 had more drama and deep storylines than the stupid storyline that it presents... The movie lacks EVERYTHING, and yet all these younglings throw themselves at the cast and look forward to more Twilight... Nothing like Interview with the Vampire. Even Queen of the Damned (the movie) is better than Twilight (and for me to say that... because QotD really, really sucked... the bad way).
Originality at the movies seems extinct... This is now remake land... Or "bring back the 80s" not understanding that you may mimic anything but it will never be the same. What about creating a different era? Big problem when there is such a big lack of true talent. The only good young actors of note right now is Johny Depp... Now, there's someone who do original work. Besides him... I really can't think of anyone else. The good old ones are getting too old and dying. It is scary, when you think about it...
I look forward to Transformers just to see what else they can do with it. They already screwed the original characters... GIJOE is eye candy in red white and blue, an ode to fighting terrorism... and I only want to see it because of the Baroness. Terminator... I am curious to see what else can they milk from that storyline and how can they succeed without Cali's governor. Remake-land will butcher poor Jason on the next Friday the 13th... And will grant Star Trek's captain Kirk a second chance (maybe this time the actor will actually... act...). It's going to be quite a year... Of more blah... I don't expect anything amazing or original from any of these films. Now is the moment of eye-candy and effects with no stories... That is the food of the new generation.
In the middle of so much blah it is good to find something like Legend of the Seeker. One may think it is like Herc or Xena, but no... The stories are well written and they are not just about the main characters. And they have lots of creativity on them. I'm definitively moved towards reading the books that the series are based upon. Yup, a TV series gives many kicks and blasts to all hype movies currently showing on the theater... talk about saving bucks!
10-4
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
SLEEP KEEPS ON BEING OVERRATED
For some days now it's like I go to sleep at 5am and wake up around 10am... If it's not one thing it's the other... Monday baby had an appointment, Tue & Wed had class mean assignments, today baby had another appointment... Weekend and afternoons have been nurse-less, and Wed&Thu hubby sent day nurse home as she seemed sick... as in ill, people. So... The sleepless drama keeps on. Happy happy joy joy...
Class is ok... could be better if it actually felt there is further interest from the teacher to teach... (what a concept!) The comments made to my classmates and myself are very simple and do not add much to the learning process... Come on, there's only so much you can actually discuss in a forum! What happens when everyone is stuck? And... joys of joys... next course is about db... I need to find out with the counselor if I really have to keep this track courses, as there is another track focused on design and I dont know if in the end we have to take 2 tracks or a choice between them... I didn't get to choose, so... So far, yes, I'm pretty miserable. I hate programming. I'll whine about it through it, and after its over. I HATE PROGRAMMING. I'll get over it, but... I HATE PROGRAMMING. 'nuff said.
I hope this will be all over in August. I want the diploma to actually go in-depth into job search, working at home version... or a hybrid of 2 days in the workplace and the rest at home. I know the right job fit is for me out there. But I need a focus that with classes and baby I simply can't have.
Seacacus was a fiasco. they have same issues as here: Housing list is closed and overcrowded, so we can't get in the waiting list, so our contact can't help us getting priority, so it's all stuck.
The wheelchair and medical bed drama continues... I hope it all can get a happy resolution tomorrow... erm... today?
I FINALLY filed up my Income Tax 2008. Yes, I'm VERY late, especially for someone who doesn't have to pay... I completely forgot about it, the pressure to fill it up in here is not a constant bombardment as in Puerto Rico. But, finally filled it up and will send Saturday. Cannot say Friday as I have a nasty class assignment for Friday...
So this is it for now.
10-4
Class is ok... could be better if it actually felt there is further interest from the teacher to teach... (what a concept!) The comments made to my classmates and myself are very simple and do not add much to the learning process... Come on, there's only so much you can actually discuss in a forum! What happens when everyone is stuck? And... joys of joys... next course is about db... I need to find out with the counselor if I really have to keep this track courses, as there is another track focused on design and I dont know if in the end we have to take 2 tracks or a choice between them... I didn't get to choose, so... So far, yes, I'm pretty miserable. I hate programming. I'll whine about it through it, and after its over. I HATE PROGRAMMING. I'll get over it, but... I HATE PROGRAMMING. 'nuff said.
I hope this will be all over in August. I want the diploma to actually go in-depth into job search, working at home version... or a hybrid of 2 days in the workplace and the rest at home. I know the right job fit is for me out there. But I need a focus that with classes and baby I simply can't have.
Seacacus was a fiasco. they have same issues as here: Housing list is closed and overcrowded, so we can't get in the waiting list, so our contact can't help us getting priority, so it's all stuck.
The wheelchair and medical bed drama continues... I hope it all can get a happy resolution tomorrow... erm... today?
I FINALLY filed up my Income Tax 2008. Yes, I'm VERY late, especially for someone who doesn't have to pay... I completely forgot about it, the pressure to fill it up in here is not a constant bombardment as in Puerto Rico. But, finally filled it up and will send Saturday. Cannot say Friday as I have a nasty class assignment for Friday...
So this is it for now.
10-4
Saturday, April 18, 2009
What's going on so far
It's Star Wars weekend, and so we are chained to re-runs of the first 3 movies and then the three real movies of the 6-part saga. It's both good and bad. Hate the newest version... What were they thinking? Such a character like Darth Vader with such a lame background... ugh!
Well, back to me.
Home: For now things are on track. Some expenses will still be covered by gov aids (amen) and so we can keep focus on caring for baby. Besides that, looking for housing options to see if we can actually qualify somewhere else for Section 8.
Class: Second week of sucky PHP course, almost over! I don't see any learning experience here... all I see is loud mouth people and no comments from the teacher... Don't know what else to expect. Will try to keep on reading and keep on trying to learn by myself. Did I mention I hate programming? Just checking.
Well... building up a class site for my dream of doing a SMA chapter in Puerto Rico. You may go there and browse and critique if you feel like it (it is a work in progress, made the basics in CSS and must apply some php to the forms... This is the 2nd week, so don't expect fireworks... It was a "design a site"week... Next week real programming begins. Wish me good luck).Anyway, hope that this truly ends in August. After getting the diploma I may go forth and do a bachelors in multimedia or graphic design. But that is another story... One thing is certain, so far this was a really good idea. Besides keeping me "sharp" it has also validated my desire for a career change. I REALLY like webdesign. And if I am able to do something about Motion Animation I will be in heaven. I REALLY like motion animation... Hopefully the stars will align and I will be able to get into that trail, follow it, and succeed. I have wasted so many years doing network work... But maybe now the new era has begun.
Friends: Groundel has been busy straightening up parts of his life (yay), Coriolis has been busy with animals and plants and then some computers... (yay?), and Carlos managed calling up and saying hello (yay!). To the surprise of everyone I keep up with everything about beloved little Paradise City, and even got to find this lovely link to savor Puerto Rico in all its splendor! Visit Eye Tour Puerto Rico and you'll see what I'm talking about. They even have a video of my favorite place, Los Morrillos Lighthouse!
Life: Getting summer clothing for little miss D., trying to keep up with the class, caring for miss D., and job hunting, house hunting, services hunting. There's never a dull moment.
10-4
Well, back to me.
Home: For now things are on track. Some expenses will still be covered by gov aids (amen) and so we can keep focus on caring for baby. Besides that, looking for housing options to see if we can actually qualify somewhere else for Section 8.
Class: Second week of sucky PHP course, almost over! I don't see any learning experience here... all I see is loud mouth people and no comments from the teacher... Don't know what else to expect. Will try to keep on reading and keep on trying to learn by myself. Did I mention I hate programming? Just checking.
Well... building up a class site for my dream of doing a SMA chapter in Puerto Rico. You may go there and browse and critique if you feel like it (it is a work in progress, made the basics in CSS and must apply some php to the forms... This is the 2nd week, so don't expect fireworks... It was a "design a site"week... Next week real programming begins. Wish me good luck).Anyway, hope that this truly ends in August. After getting the diploma I may go forth and do a bachelors in multimedia or graphic design. But that is another story... One thing is certain, so far this was a really good idea. Besides keeping me "sharp" it has also validated my desire for a career change. I REALLY like webdesign. And if I am able to do something about Motion Animation I will be in heaven. I REALLY like motion animation... Hopefully the stars will align and I will be able to get into that trail, follow it, and succeed. I have wasted so many years doing network work... But maybe now the new era has begun.
Friends: Groundel has been busy straightening up parts of his life (yay), Coriolis has been busy with animals and plants and then some computers... (yay?), and Carlos managed calling up and saying hello (yay!). To the surprise of everyone I keep up with everything about beloved little Paradise City, and even got to find this lovely link to savor Puerto Rico in all its splendor! Visit Eye Tour Puerto Rico and you'll see what I'm talking about. They even have a video of my favorite place, Los Morrillos Lighthouse!
Life: Getting summer clothing for little miss D., trying to keep up with the class, caring for miss D., and job hunting, house hunting, services hunting. There's never a dull moment.
10-4
Monday, April 13, 2009
Weird Groundel Post below
Since videos did not show in his site, I posted them here just so they are there. Enjoy or something. :P
Friday, April 10, 2009
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE!!!
Yup, on April 8th I turned a year older... and somewhat wiser... The day was not so bad at all. Got phone calls from the right people, and hubby hit jackpot with a lovely victorian-goth dress that really surprised me. And the cherry on top of the sunday: Deedee has been doing great so far, so the three of us were at home. It's as good as it can get. :)
This week my new course began... Introduction to Programming. Not so thrilled about it, as I'm trying to actually run away from programming, but I know it is a necessary evil. This course teaches PHP, which seems to be in vogue. We'll see what happens... I should do good, it is not my first programming course and I dealt with some Oracle and ASP.net... It's just annoying.
And that's what sums all up, for now. I'm feeling very tired and sleepy... Ge, I wonder why...
10-4
This week my new course began... Introduction to Programming. Not so thrilled about it, as I'm trying to actually run away from programming, but I know it is a necessary evil. This course teaches PHP, which seems to be in vogue. We'll see what happens... I should do good, it is not my first programming course and I dealt with some Oracle and ASP.net... It's just annoying.
And that's what sums all up, for now. I'm feeling very tired and sleepy... Ge, I wonder why...
10-4
Sunday, March 29, 2009
CLASSES OVER, AMEN!
This was torture! But finally made it... Created Deirdre's Official website. Visit it and spread the word!
Friday, March 27, 2009
Busy, busy
One site down, one to go... Just 2 more days for this to be over... Gosh, no more double classes, no more!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
TIRED
Stressed, tired, overworked, tired, many things to do, tired... Tired, tired, tired...
Back at home, after a whole month... Tired... And Deeva beeping all the time... No rest for the wicked.
Back at home, after a whole month... Tired... And Deeva beeping all the time... No rest for the wicked.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
SURVIVING WITH FLYING COLORS!
(exhausted? well... duh!)
Classes: Made it to my second week, keeping all my grades at a 100. Yes, people, I am very picky with my grades, especially in the starting weeks (those points will be needed when you are reaching the end). So far, LOVE the Flash course. The manual is refresing the little things I never understood well (hey, I took a Flash4 5-day training back in 2002, bear with me!). Who knows, maybe Foamy will have a competitor soon... LOL For the Dreamweaver course, the dice were rolled, and I will try to build Deedee's website in 4 weeks. If that turns out (I know it will, I have been postponing that project for long), I will get a domain so she has her own adress, to make things even better.
Deeva: Infection out, antibiotics ended today, and plans to come back home stand for tomorrow (today) at 2pm. YAY!!!!! Daddy is in the hospital in double duty, as he has been very supportive of me getting the assignments done. Yeah, we all know the classes are fun but they cost and I better take full advantage of them. Deedee will have her share of fame when I am done with both. After all, this is all for her. Anyway, fingers crossed that we all will finally be together soon. Being in the hospital for so long really sucks!
Everything else has been on hold. Family, friends, postings... I've been in working-production mode and I am really tired and need lots of catching Zs. We'll see how that turns out... Got assignments for everyday, and I dont foresee we will have nurses for the weekend. Well, at least Daddy takes care of business really well. He's been rising SMA awareness at the hospital among the nursing students telling them about it, what to do, and what a client expects. Fun stuff. They also liked our manual, they say we should publish it. Who knows... Maybe when we are extremely desperate?
Running out of fuel...
10-4
Classes: Made it to my second week, keeping all my grades at a 100. Yes, people, I am very picky with my grades, especially in the starting weeks (those points will be needed when you are reaching the end). So far, LOVE the Flash course. The manual is refresing the little things I never understood well (hey, I took a Flash4 5-day training back in 2002, bear with me!). Who knows, maybe Foamy will have a competitor soon... LOL For the Dreamweaver course, the dice were rolled, and I will try to build Deedee's website in 4 weeks. If that turns out (I know it will, I have been postponing that project for long), I will get a domain so she has her own adress, to make things even better.
Deeva: Infection out, antibiotics ended today, and plans to come back home stand for tomorrow (today) at 2pm. YAY!!!!! Daddy is in the hospital in double duty, as he has been very supportive of me getting the assignments done. Yeah, we all know the classes are fun but they cost and I better take full advantage of them. Deedee will have her share of fame when I am done with both. After all, this is all for her. Anyway, fingers crossed that we all will finally be together soon. Being in the hospital for so long really sucks!
Everything else has been on hold. Family, friends, postings... I've been in working-production mode and I am really tired and need lots of catching Zs. We'll see how that turns out... Got assignments for everyday, and I dont foresee we will have nurses for the weekend. Well, at least Daddy takes care of business really well. He's been rising SMA awareness at the hospital among the nursing students telling them about it, what to do, and what a client expects. Fun stuff. They also liked our manual, they say we should publish it. Who knows... Maybe when we are extremely desperate?
Running out of fuel...
10-4
Saturday, February 21, 2009
BETWEEN HOSPITAL & CLASSES
... ermmm... Can I sleep?
So... February has been an interesting mess so far. Never a moment to catch your breath! No way! Action!
Deeva: Got pneumonia and gave us quite a scare early in the week. We had to take her to the hospital on Tuesday, and so far she has been responding to the antibiotics. From dark green brownish icky mucus to crystal clear alien acid, baby improved a lot in just 4 days. Hopefully we'll be home by next Friday. Fingers crossed.
Classes: Well, since I couldnt take Flash in January, now i have to take Flash and Dreamweaver. Got the two hit combo, smashing 5 weeks that will definitively take a lot from me. But since I have so much masochism in me, I know that I will enjoy the high stress. Just for today I need to complete a storyboard, blueprint, two questions... all for one class... and a tutorial and questions for another class. And need to start a gif for tomorrow when I'm done with that, and a storyboard for the other class... All smashed into a nice long night that is just ahead of me. Gotta do that, so I can go take care of my hospital shift tomorrow in the afternoon. Wish me luck.
I was actually gona leave the classes, thinking I couldnt handle that and the hospitalization of baby... Slept on that decision and woke up with the right energy to say "Fuck it, I'm doing it". Reality is that baby will be in the hospital many times, and we need to accept that as our daily bread. We have to adjust things, being positive about it, believing she will respond and be better. There is no space for thinking negative, as those what if's do not improve any situation and actually simply drown us in sadness and depression. We cannot let ourselves drown. We have many things to do, many plans ahead of us, and we must believe that things happen because in a way they fascilitate other roads and makes us stronger.
We travel daily through the road less taken, discovering many paths that have not been walked before. Definitively not the easy road... But you know what? It is the most fullfilling.
So... Just taking a break between assignments to let the world know that yes, I'm alive... I'm still kicking... I've not given up... And the best is yet to come.
Now... Remember Legend of the Seeker...9pm, PIX (Ch11). Hey, it's the only interesting thing on TV right now, gotta milk it!
And kids: I'm not a caller. You wanna talk to me, you gotta call or drop an email. Moodiness keeping the people skills away, focusing on production line mode... Nothing personal. Ok?
10-4
So... February has been an interesting mess so far. Never a moment to catch your breath! No way! Action!
Deeva: Got pneumonia and gave us quite a scare early in the week. We had to take her to the hospital on Tuesday, and so far she has been responding to the antibiotics. From dark green brownish icky mucus to crystal clear alien acid, baby improved a lot in just 4 days. Hopefully we'll be home by next Friday. Fingers crossed.
Classes: Well, since I couldnt take Flash in January, now i have to take Flash and Dreamweaver. Got the two hit combo, smashing 5 weeks that will definitively take a lot from me. But since I have so much masochism in me, I know that I will enjoy the high stress. Just for today I need to complete a storyboard, blueprint, two questions... all for one class... and a tutorial and questions for another class. And need to start a gif for tomorrow when I'm done with that, and a storyboard for the other class... All smashed into a nice long night that is just ahead of me. Gotta do that, so I can go take care of my hospital shift tomorrow in the afternoon. Wish me luck.
I was actually gona leave the classes, thinking I couldnt handle that and the hospitalization of baby... Slept on that decision and woke up with the right energy to say "Fuck it, I'm doing it". Reality is that baby will be in the hospital many times, and we need to accept that as our daily bread. We have to adjust things, being positive about it, believing she will respond and be better. There is no space for thinking negative, as those what if's do not improve any situation and actually simply drown us in sadness and depression. We cannot let ourselves drown. We have many things to do, many plans ahead of us, and we must believe that things happen because in a way they fascilitate other roads and makes us stronger.
We travel daily through the road less taken, discovering many paths that have not been walked before. Definitively not the easy road... But you know what? It is the most fullfilling.
So... Just taking a break between assignments to let the world know that yes, I'm alive... I'm still kicking... I've not given up... And the best is yet to come.
Now... Remember Legend of the Seeker...9pm, PIX (Ch11). Hey, it's the only interesting thing on TV right now, gotta milk it!
And kids: I'm not a caller. You wanna talk to me, you gotta call or drop an email. Moodiness keeping the people skills away, focusing on production line mode... Nothing personal. Ok?
10-4
Monday, February 16, 2009
Plans...
of action, of inaction, of thought, of not...
Finally found a dentist on Saturday (AMEN!). Had a cavity digged under a silver plate, so that's what the problem was. It was a funny visit,well... seems the whole day was about "amateurs". The doctor is an "amatuer"painting artist, and has a fruit bowl painted in a canvas, in the client service room. I asked why the painting had no signature. Then he asked what I thought of it... I just thought it was something done by a daughter, so I said it's good for a beginner. Oh, dear... He smiled and said he had done it, but he didnt like the outcome so he didn't signed it. Umm... I kept thinking of that and it just tickles me. Gosh, at least I didnt say it was crap! He went on to say he used to have a mountains painting that became the topic of conversation with a client... who later on he married, and that it's been 10 years since then. That was a nice Valentine's story. Still, on my way back to the apartment, I kept giggling at my response of "Not bag for an amateur". Artists...
I arrived home, and after a while the girl who took Deedee's pics arrived. I was telling the tale of the dentist and the painting, and we were all merry (mostly my dear hubby and her were merry and baffled because I had a laughing spell). Funny thing is that the girl ended up joking that the pictures were "not bad for an amateur". God, it kinda make me burst even further in laughter... Sometimes truth is weirder and funnier than fiction. Especially when it comes out innocently, and somehow without notice. Oh, the laughing episode grew worst after she went away because... well... in Deedee's case... It is kinda true... I have taken baffling pictures of her spellbinding eyes (which somehow didn't came out in the pictures the girl took... Baby didn't smile and didn't cooperate with her at all).
That's the merry part of it all. The down part: I REALLY felt that drill in my tooth. It was awful. It's been 3 days and I still have the sore side. And I have another appointment for the tooth with temporary filling... Ugh!
A family gave the idea of considering moving to another state. We can't go down as services are absent there... We thought about Madison, isconsin. It had been our first choice when we were to transfer but we had to surrender to NJ due to lack of Medicaid. Perhaps now it would be more feasible... I know that's a very cold place, but quality of life and employment is more than 50% better than Newark. So we will try to see the options over there, and it it all points that way then we will go ahead and do it. We are also finding out of how things are in Secaucus and Jersey City as it seems there are more job offers over there that could mean opportunity for me in particular... So, still in hunting mode.
Courses begin in Thursday, this time will be 2: Dreamweaver and Flash, together. Hopefully won't be a hassle, after all I know the old ways with both. Crossing fingers on not going nuts with so many assignments!
And that is how things are in the land of Far Far Away.
10-4
Finally found a dentist on Saturday (AMEN!). Had a cavity digged under a silver plate, so that's what the problem was. It was a funny visit,well... seems the whole day was about "amateurs". The doctor is an "amatuer"painting artist, and has a fruit bowl painted in a canvas, in the client service room. I asked why the painting had no signature. Then he asked what I thought of it... I just thought it was something done by a daughter, so I said it's good for a beginner. Oh, dear... He smiled and said he had done it, but he didnt like the outcome so he didn't signed it. Umm... I kept thinking of that and it just tickles me. Gosh, at least I didnt say it was crap! He went on to say he used to have a mountains painting that became the topic of conversation with a client... who later on he married, and that it's been 10 years since then. That was a nice Valentine's story. Still, on my way back to the apartment, I kept giggling at my response of "Not bag for an amateur". Artists...
I arrived home, and after a while the girl who took Deedee's pics arrived. I was telling the tale of the dentist and the painting, and we were all merry (mostly my dear hubby and her were merry and baffled because I had a laughing spell). Funny thing is that the girl ended up joking that the pictures were "not bad for an amateur". God, it kinda make me burst even further in laughter... Sometimes truth is weirder and funnier than fiction. Especially when it comes out innocently, and somehow without notice. Oh, the laughing episode grew worst after she went away because... well... in Deedee's case... It is kinda true... I have taken baffling pictures of her spellbinding eyes (which somehow didn't came out in the pictures the girl took... Baby didn't smile and didn't cooperate with her at all).
That's the merry part of it all. The down part: I REALLY felt that drill in my tooth. It was awful. It's been 3 days and I still have the sore side. And I have another appointment for the tooth with temporary filling... Ugh!
A family gave the idea of considering moving to another state. We can't go down as services are absent there... We thought about Madison, isconsin. It had been our first choice when we were to transfer but we had to surrender to NJ due to lack of Medicaid. Perhaps now it would be more feasible... I know that's a very cold place, but quality of life and employment is more than 50% better than Newark. So we will try to see the options over there, and it it all points that way then we will go ahead and do it. We are also finding out of how things are in Secaucus and Jersey City as it seems there are more job offers over there that could mean opportunity for me in particular... So, still in hunting mode.
Courses begin in Thursday, this time will be 2: Dreamweaver and Flash, together. Hopefully won't be a hassle, after all I know the old ways with both. Crossing fingers on not going nuts with so many assignments!
And that is how things are in the land of Far Far Away.
10-4
Saturday, February 14, 2009
HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY!!!
Friendship day, lovers day... o algo...
Me, I have a terrible tooth pain that is driving me insane. Since things are not so easy in this lovely place, I got a date for March 20th... WTF? What am I suppossed to do in the meanwhile? Well... Gotta get some diabetic pills before I actually go to emergency and try solving the issue... I can't wait so long.
Just saw some kitty videos. THANK YOU GROUNDEL!!! I see my babies are big and gorgeous! Prrrrrr!!!
Happy happy joy joy!
Me, I have a terrible tooth pain that is driving me insane. Since things are not so easy in this lovely place, I got a date for March 20th... WTF? What am I suppossed to do in the meanwhile? Well... Gotta get some diabetic pills before I actually go to emergency and try solving the issue... I can't wait so long.
Just saw some kitty videos. THANK YOU GROUNDEL!!! I see my babies are big and gorgeous! Prrrrrr!!!
Happy happy joy joy!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Dissapointed...
One more time? Yup... Actually several times...
As usual, maybe our expectations go beyond the capabilities of the popele around us, or around our little one. Today it was a vendor-show-fitting to select a stupid wheelchair. We took the time to do the proper research, as usual, and had our preferred choice based on Deeva's necessities... The vendor's first attitude was frowning followed by a comment of how we went straight for the best. What? Our baby doesn't deserve the best? What's up with this guy? We'll see about the outcome. The chair is not what we expect, and only do tilting/reclining. The padding should allow her to be straight at least fro an hour. Besides the chair we had the stander info, but that won't be touched until we have an actual hip x-ray that tells them Deeva can use it. Contrary to the doc who just said "have them call me". Whatever...
What bothers? Attitude, attitude, attitude. The people explaining things as if we didn't understand, as if we didn't know implications, and worst: not taking into account Deeva's needs and growth for the next 8 months. Insistence on ordering without taking into account the next 8 months can lead to trouble, as the chair will actually arrive within 7 months... (Next Christmas?)... We will see how useful can that be for her by then... Another thing is the stander thing that is not taken too seriously and other SMA kids have as important part of their thrapy. That and aqwua therapy. They have started as early as 9-10 months. Deeva is 1.5 yrs old, and I dont see why the insistence on putting boundaries that we know she don't have. We have a staff filled with "low impact" people that is NOT cutting edge, dont really think outside the box, and honestly are not doing their job properly or as I expect. And of all people, I can expect because I witness services where i used to work, Vocational Rehabilitation Admin... So I know what is out there, what can be done. And it is the main factor that is so frustrating. If I were an imbecile or ignorant I would be dazzled by everything because everything would seem so magical and right. But I'm not, because of my witnessing things, because of my research on what to do to make Deeva reach her full potential... because we are not average, I am not average... Ugh! And getting comments that leads you to get the point of "why bother? they dont have the money, and is not like the kid can do much" is beyond enraging.
That's about the wheelchair fitting... Now about the nursing company. We are wondering which other company is out there can actully do the job... If that is actually a human target. I mean, we have a stupid manual of care for our baby, we explain everything in a heartbeat, her care is more about being consistent, follow a routine and be aware. No hocus-pocus, no hidden surprises... Well, now we have a star nurse that wont knock and wont call when she arrives because I guess she fears she would break the force field around our house or that it will desintegrate her. Its a big WTF. She comes, ists closed (duh) so she goes. WTF!!! Last week she was annoyed because we sent her home as she was coughing all morning and she seemed sick (gee, excuse us for looking towards Deeva's health). Besides her, no other nurse for no other shift appeared, even if they were scheduled for Friday, Sat and Sun... So, what's up with service? What's up with everything? We asked for our old reliable nurse, and they just did what they wanted (putting her into a case for the night shift) as the opportunity for that came when Deeva fell in the hospital... So they took our nurse to put her in another case... Lovely... I guess they pay more. Its the only reasonable explanation I can think of. They tell us she doesnt want our case anymore. Funny, because I talked to her last week and she sounded quite the opposite when I asked her why she had not come back, that we missed her. The company sucks. That's all i can say about it. They lie to their teeth. And we are getting to the fed-up part. So the drama of the nurses from hell continues... We asked for something, they seemed to hear, and today in the night we have a "meet and greet"with a nurse that, ok at least she showed up, but she is the same as the others that didnt work out... And we wonder, is this it? Its horrible. Its unnerving. Its stressing.
Wheelchair done, nurses done... Getting to the services in matters of therapy. Everything sucks about it. We get the "we will show so you do"and what we think it should be is consistent 3 times a week of coming and doing the actual therapy. We do our part, but somehow we are not impress with the services as it were things we have been done ever since we got all the info and the what to do back a year ago. The only one that contributes something is the communications specialist and we suspect it is because since she works in cerebral parlsey she is exposed to more things related to Deeva's condition... Everyone else is a supporting cast that is good only for keeping us a bit sane with social face to face interaction, that is all. But who knows... Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they DO something, it is just that I'm so used to things (one of my friends is a top physical rehab therapist and she couched me since this started..., maybe that's why I dont see the razzle-dazzle about them.
Maybe it's me, maybe it's us... I keep thinking it must be us, it cannot be that everything is so lame. It cannot be that we actually do a better job at everything we do. We dont have a certificate for the skills as PT, RT, OT, speech, communications, or as doctors... But we DO have beyond the skill and knowledge of these so called professionals, and somehow instead of boosting our confidence it actually depresses us. Yipeee, we know and can do everything... So... How can others help if they suck at everything they are suppossed to be specialized into?
Tonight, after the morning arguing with the nurse agency, after the afternoon at the stupid fitting, after the dumb meet and greet, after having to take a long nap as I was completely out and drained... I woke up, it's 1am, and I just wrote all this... How I feel? Honestly I feel defeated. I feel depressed. I feel sad. I feel we are wasting out time, our lives. Deeva dont have the quality of service we expect, and seems that no matter what we do if we dont do things ourselves it all just sucks. We dont really have a professional supporting staff that is actually interested in going the extra mile and actually tailoring things for Deeva's skill improvement. There are no friends or family to rely on, at least to give us a bit of energy or just to listen to us. No friendly faces at any given moment of the day. It's just us: mommy, daddy, baby. Oh, and kitty. And it is alright, we accept our fate... But when you see goals and purpose bent towards the will of a flaw system and stupid people serving in the system, you start to wonder what is best.
How can we move on to a level where we can actually make our own decisions if we dont get a job? And gosh, NO ONE would hire us! We have tried EVERYTHING! And then when we think we can balance outside job with Deeva's caring, something happens that requires both of us juggling life. And the more days that passes the more certain it is that raising Deeva requires both of us simply because services are there but are just a mirage, a mental placebo. Sure, a helper may appear, but we actually do all the job so it is done RIGHT.
Somehow the opportunities are faded, the outlook on where to go from here is tied up to getting a job, moving where the job is, getting a new supporting cast for services. Problem: It goes in that order, days keep passing and it all seems a neverending story. Staying here in NJ was imposed on us, and we hate it. We want to go back home and we cant. And the ease of people being two face all around us is really heart-breaking... whoever is nice to you has an alterior motive.
Dissapointed... There are no other words to put how we are, how we feel, how things are turning out. In our microcosmos, we stand and we prevail... The trouble is the rest of the world.
As usual, maybe our expectations go beyond the capabilities of the popele around us, or around our little one. Today it was a vendor-show-fitting to select a stupid wheelchair. We took the time to do the proper research, as usual, and had our preferred choice based on Deeva's necessities... The vendor's first attitude was frowning followed by a comment of how we went straight for the best. What? Our baby doesn't deserve the best? What's up with this guy? We'll see about the outcome. The chair is not what we expect, and only do tilting/reclining. The padding should allow her to be straight at least fro an hour. Besides the chair we had the stander info, but that won't be touched until we have an actual hip x-ray that tells them Deeva can use it. Contrary to the doc who just said "have them call me". Whatever...
What bothers? Attitude, attitude, attitude. The people explaining things as if we didn't understand, as if we didn't know implications, and worst: not taking into account Deeva's needs and growth for the next 8 months. Insistence on ordering without taking into account the next 8 months can lead to trouble, as the chair will actually arrive within 7 months... (Next Christmas?)... We will see how useful can that be for her by then... Another thing is the stander thing that is not taken too seriously and other SMA kids have as important part of their thrapy. That and aqwua therapy. They have started as early as 9-10 months. Deeva is 1.5 yrs old, and I dont see why the insistence on putting boundaries that we know she don't have. We have a staff filled with "low impact" people that is NOT cutting edge, dont really think outside the box, and honestly are not doing their job properly or as I expect. And of all people, I can expect because I witness services where i used to work, Vocational Rehabilitation Admin... So I know what is out there, what can be done. And it is the main factor that is so frustrating. If I were an imbecile or ignorant I would be dazzled by everything because everything would seem so magical and right. But I'm not, because of my witnessing things, because of my research on what to do to make Deeva reach her full potential... because we are not average, I am not average... Ugh! And getting comments that leads you to get the point of "why bother? they dont have the money, and is not like the kid can do much" is beyond enraging.
That's about the wheelchair fitting... Now about the nursing company. We are wondering which other company is out there can actully do the job... If that is actually a human target. I mean, we have a stupid manual of care for our baby, we explain everything in a heartbeat, her care is more about being consistent, follow a routine and be aware. No hocus-pocus, no hidden surprises... Well, now we have a star nurse that wont knock and wont call when she arrives because I guess she fears she would break the force field around our house or that it will desintegrate her. Its a big WTF. She comes, ists closed (duh) so she goes. WTF!!! Last week she was annoyed because we sent her home as she was coughing all morning and she seemed sick (gee, excuse us for looking towards Deeva's health). Besides her, no other nurse for no other shift appeared, even if they were scheduled for Friday, Sat and Sun... So, what's up with service? What's up with everything? We asked for our old reliable nurse, and they just did what they wanted (putting her into a case for the night shift) as the opportunity for that came when Deeva fell in the hospital... So they took our nurse to put her in another case... Lovely... I guess they pay more. Its the only reasonable explanation I can think of. They tell us she doesnt want our case anymore. Funny, because I talked to her last week and she sounded quite the opposite when I asked her why she had not come back, that we missed her. The company sucks. That's all i can say about it. They lie to their teeth. And we are getting to the fed-up part. So the drama of the nurses from hell continues... We asked for something, they seemed to hear, and today in the night we have a "meet and greet"with a nurse that, ok at least she showed up, but she is the same as the others that didnt work out... And we wonder, is this it? Its horrible. Its unnerving. Its stressing.
Wheelchair done, nurses done... Getting to the services in matters of therapy. Everything sucks about it. We get the "we will show so you do"and what we think it should be is consistent 3 times a week of coming and doing the actual therapy. We do our part, but somehow we are not impress with the services as it were things we have been done ever since we got all the info and the what to do back a year ago. The only one that contributes something is the communications specialist and we suspect it is because since she works in cerebral parlsey she is exposed to more things related to Deeva's condition... Everyone else is a supporting cast that is good only for keeping us a bit sane with social face to face interaction, that is all. But who knows... Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they DO something, it is just that I'm so used to things (one of my friends is a top physical rehab therapist and she couched me since this started..., maybe that's why I dont see the razzle-dazzle about them.
Maybe it's me, maybe it's us... I keep thinking it must be us, it cannot be that everything is so lame. It cannot be that we actually do a better job at everything we do. We dont have a certificate for the skills as PT, RT, OT, speech, communications, or as doctors... But we DO have beyond the skill and knowledge of these so called professionals, and somehow instead of boosting our confidence it actually depresses us. Yipeee, we know and can do everything... So... How can others help if they suck at everything they are suppossed to be specialized into?
Tonight, after the morning arguing with the nurse agency, after the afternoon at the stupid fitting, after the dumb meet and greet, after having to take a long nap as I was completely out and drained... I woke up, it's 1am, and I just wrote all this... How I feel? Honestly I feel defeated. I feel depressed. I feel sad. I feel we are wasting out time, our lives. Deeva dont have the quality of service we expect, and seems that no matter what we do if we dont do things ourselves it all just sucks. We dont really have a professional supporting staff that is actually interested in going the extra mile and actually tailoring things for Deeva's skill improvement. There are no friends or family to rely on, at least to give us a bit of energy or just to listen to us. No friendly faces at any given moment of the day. It's just us: mommy, daddy, baby. Oh, and kitty. And it is alright, we accept our fate... But when you see goals and purpose bent towards the will of a flaw system and stupid people serving in the system, you start to wonder what is best.
How can we move on to a level where we can actually make our own decisions if we dont get a job? And gosh, NO ONE would hire us! We have tried EVERYTHING! And then when we think we can balance outside job with Deeva's caring, something happens that requires both of us juggling life. And the more days that passes the more certain it is that raising Deeva requires both of us simply because services are there but are just a mirage, a mental placebo. Sure, a helper may appear, but we actually do all the job so it is done RIGHT.
Somehow the opportunities are faded, the outlook on where to go from here is tied up to getting a job, moving where the job is, getting a new supporting cast for services. Problem: It goes in that order, days keep passing and it all seems a neverending story. Staying here in NJ was imposed on us, and we hate it. We want to go back home and we cant. And the ease of people being two face all around us is really heart-breaking... whoever is nice to you has an alterior motive.
Dissapointed... There are no other words to put how we are, how we feel, how things are turning out. In our microcosmos, we stand and we prevail... The trouble is the rest of the world.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
HAPPY 2nd ANNIVERSARY to US!!!!
Just a reminder to the world: Two years ago the Witch and the Mage said "I DO"... And for so many non-believers, well, here we are. The amazing journey has taken many unexpected turns, but still has been the best thing in both our lives.
I LOVE YOU, ZORDAK! "til the end of time.
XOXOXO
I LOVE YOU, ZORDAK! "til the end of time.
XOXOXO
LEGEND OF THE SEEKER
magic-fights-more magic
Ok, Last week I was obssessed with Michael Hurst, finding all the info I could about his wherabouts... Well, he directed episode 10 of this series. Looked it up, HULU-ed it... Well... If you thirst for something reminiscing of Xena and Herc, look no further. Filmed in NewZealand and featuring a cast that you will recognized for those old series, you will enjoy this new series. Finally, a breath of old-fresh air! Music by LoDuca, of course, and executive producers RobTapert and SamReimi. A nice break from so much TV trash! (You know, the only watchable thing right now is House... so this gives another selection to the daily menu). So... Go check out Legend of the Seeker. It's worth it.
Ok, Last week I was obssessed with Michael Hurst, finding all the info I could about his wherabouts... Well, he directed episode 10 of this series. Looked it up, HULU-ed it... Well... If you thirst for something reminiscing of Xena and Herc, look no further. Filmed in NewZealand and featuring a cast that you will recognized for those old series, you will enjoy this new series. Finally, a breath of old-fresh air! Music by LoDuca, of course, and executive producers RobTapert and SamReimi. A nice break from so much TV trash! (You know, the only watchable thing right now is House... so this gives another selection to the daily menu). So... Go check out Legend of the Seeker. It's worth it.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
VISUALS 101
Well, not that I have changed alot. Still the same old twisted happy goth. Loved my layout, but since I was forced to update decided to change from all red/black to a bit of purrrrrrrrrrple in the mix.
Anyway... Found many unexpected things today, 70s and 80s of course. At least today I was not doing anything sewious. Just strangling time.
Anyway... Found many unexpected things today, 70s and 80s of course. At least today I was not doing anything sewious. Just strangling time.
Glamour & Glitter, Fashion and Fame!
And then some...
Gotta get me the complete series... Hmph!
Just for some kicks...
Gotta get me the complete series... Hmph!
Just for some kicks...
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
So many losses...
what a way to start the new year...
I just read that an SMA baby, Cornelious, died on Saturday... He was 10 months and 10 days. Many SMA kids have been VERY sick, and when we got to PICU we found Israel, who has been there for 3 weeks and counting. The weather takes no one for granted.
Last week a friend who was to turn 21 on Jan 13 died, after she was healing and doing well from her transplant the doctor arranged a liver check up, which ended up in malpractice as an artery was broken and no one noticed until everything inside her got paralized. Imagine that...
We are sad. Nothing you do can change the fact that the only ones who take good care of SMA kids are their parents. Everyone else makes stupid mistakes out of carelessness and stupidity. It is so unnerving, as whenever you meet people or doctors, they say "oh, but you have nursing care, right?". Like that settles the issue of bein stress free, free to work, free to do whatever... How? The high anxiety and stress of what a stranger can or cant do is beyond belief. If I count all emergencies that have happened... all have been due to a small stupidity moment of someone else... not us, not our baby... To top things, you go to a hospital and there you find the same... nurses and RTs that shouldn't be there because they barely do their jobs and are lazy... and still getting paid. What is the difference from here and our island? The doctors having a broader knowledge, and more availability of services. Everything else is the same crap: malpractice due to stupidity, malpractice due to laziness, malpractice due to overwork (most work 2 shifts, not that it includes quality of service!).
Its all tiresome, and very very draining. We have no one to turn to, and we know that situation would be the same for us anywhere in the planet... due to our limited family and our limited friends. Groundel,LS and Coriolis are always there, and have been of BIG support, but beyond them... Well, beyond them is all the perfect beautiful familiar strangers on the SMA Support group that have been "virtually" there all the way... and they know how things are and why we have this ongoing desire to live each second to the fullest. Without them, I dont think we would be here at all... I dont think Deedee would be here, period.
Besides this, both Mark & me had to cancel our classes, as they started yesterday and obviously we wont be able to attend until Deedee is back home... which may take up to 2 more weeks if things go well. A small drawback, but our main reason for being here is Deedee, so she is the priority. Mark is more obligued, as he must get a RN (registered nurse) degree for Deedee's own well being. Me, the diploma I'm completing is for keeping sanity and having a real world stress, I need it so I wont go insane being between 4 walls all of the time, and it is not so critical. I'll take classes next month, no problem.
Mark may have a prospect job, but as every other offer it is far... We will see if it is worth it or not. But that has to wait until Deedee is home as well, and they may fill the spot by then... Whatever happens, hope things will fall in place little by little.
Me... I'm fed up with some people, both friends and foes. I'm making sure they get their own "mandá pal carajo" at the right time. I'm tired of bearing the sign of "Pendeja a bordo" or something... That's how it feels. Being good and nice doesnt mean being "pendeja". High stress, high anxiety, high everything... Including high belief in things working out and getting better.
Sing along:
"You take the good, you take the bad,
you mix them both and then you have
the Facts of Life, the Facts of Life..."
10-4
I just read that an SMA baby, Cornelious, died on Saturday... He was 10 months and 10 days. Many SMA kids have been VERY sick, and when we got to PICU we found Israel, who has been there for 3 weeks and counting. The weather takes no one for granted.
Last week a friend who was to turn 21 on Jan 13 died, after she was healing and doing well from her transplant the doctor arranged a liver check up, which ended up in malpractice as an artery was broken and no one noticed until everything inside her got paralized. Imagine that...
We are sad. Nothing you do can change the fact that the only ones who take good care of SMA kids are their parents. Everyone else makes stupid mistakes out of carelessness and stupidity. It is so unnerving, as whenever you meet people or doctors, they say "oh, but you have nursing care, right?". Like that settles the issue of bein stress free, free to work, free to do whatever... How? The high anxiety and stress of what a stranger can or cant do is beyond belief. If I count all emergencies that have happened... all have been due to a small stupidity moment of someone else... not us, not our baby... To top things, you go to a hospital and there you find the same... nurses and RTs that shouldn't be there because they barely do their jobs and are lazy... and still getting paid. What is the difference from here and our island? The doctors having a broader knowledge, and more availability of services. Everything else is the same crap: malpractice due to stupidity, malpractice due to laziness, malpractice due to overwork (most work 2 shifts, not that it includes quality of service!).
Its all tiresome, and very very draining. We have no one to turn to, and we know that situation would be the same for us anywhere in the planet... due to our limited family and our limited friends. Groundel,LS and Coriolis are always there, and have been of BIG support, but beyond them... Well, beyond them is all the perfect beautiful familiar strangers on the SMA Support group that have been "virtually" there all the way... and they know how things are and why we have this ongoing desire to live each second to the fullest. Without them, I dont think we would be here at all... I dont think Deedee would be here, period.
Besides this, both Mark & me had to cancel our classes, as they started yesterday and obviously we wont be able to attend until Deedee is back home... which may take up to 2 more weeks if things go well. A small drawback, but our main reason for being here is Deedee, so she is the priority. Mark is more obligued, as he must get a RN (registered nurse) degree for Deedee's own well being. Me, the diploma I'm completing is for keeping sanity and having a real world stress, I need it so I wont go insane being between 4 walls all of the time, and it is not so critical. I'll take classes next month, no problem.
Mark may have a prospect job, but as every other offer it is far... We will see if it is worth it or not. But that has to wait until Deedee is home as well, and they may fill the spot by then... Whatever happens, hope things will fall in place little by little.
Me... I'm fed up with some people, both friends and foes. I'm making sure they get their own "mandá pal carajo" at the right time. I'm tired of bearing the sign of "Pendeja a bordo" or something... That's how it feels. Being good and nice doesnt mean being "pendeja". High stress, high anxiety, high everything... Including high belief in things working out and getting better.
Sing along:
"You take the good, you take the bad,
you mix them both and then you have
the Facts of Life, the Facts of Life..."
10-4
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Keeping records...
This is the highlight of past week.
Posted in SMA forum, here for "record"purposes. Wouldnt post in baby's blog as this is not too happy. I've been wanting to make heads roll!
Posted on Tuesday night:
"I am beyond upset. Today it turns out that I was branded as a "mom in
denial" because apparently Albuterol is the Holy Grail and the non-
invasive way of dealing with SMA is wrong... the way we do it. Here is
the story:
Pulmonologist gave order for Xopenex & Robinul four weeks ago. Yipee.
Upon giving nebulizers with Xopenex for 3 minutes to Deedee, she
desats to the 50's. This happenned twice, in front of our old nurse,
so she saw that we were not making things up. We discarted the
nebulizer, did treatments each 4 hours for 5 days and Deedee did well
and got her bug off. Fine. This I had already posted here...
So, she gets her vaccines and flu shots, and ended up three days later
with fever and vomiting. So we went to ER, stayed overnight at PICU,
they found nothing of deep interest, BUT the RT, when she went to give
the night treatment, she was going to use Xopenex and we told her what
happenned. She said that then she would use Albuterol, to see if
Deedee did well with it. Three minutes later she had to turn it off as
Deedee's heart rate skyrockted, eyes sollen and she became cold and
pale. She said she would let the doctor make a note as it really seems
that Deedee has a bad reaction to Albuterol.
The week that followed we noticed that Deedee has been with distended
stomach, much constipation, too much gas... from almost no vents now
she needed constant venting and residuals checks... A new nurse
pointed out Rubinol gave gas, so I looked up the side effects and
seems they can be more than just that. Distended stomach,
constipation, dizziness, blurry vision... well, obviously the oh-so-
great benefits of the famed ani-drool somehow lost their luster. We
tested stopping it for a week. And so the problems with being bloaded
and distended like a balloon and with constipation were gone. Heart
rates became normal and baby seems happier. So... What did we learned?
No robinul is best. For us, drool is the same anyway. What's the point
of giving meds that actually works against your child?
So... Today had a cardiologist appointment (a waste of time as in
reality he didnt even did a EKG or check anything about Deedee...
didnt even knew what SMA is... Didnt even touch Deedee! I tell you,
not even 5 minutes after a 50 minutes wait) and also with the
pulmonologist to give Deedee a Synagis shot. I asked for a D/C for the
nurses orders on albuterol/xopenex and robinul, explained why... The
pulmonologist says she spoke with the doctor from Picu and he said
Deedee did fine, since the RT said nothing and put nothing in the
notes and she could not brand Deedee as allergic if she had not seen
any reaction at all. Then the new nurse buts in asking these questions
about oxigen use, about the way we attack desats, that Deedee is in
the 50's (She desated on Friday night because of a plug, a fast going
down and then fast going up to her normal 98, but she emphasized
Deedee stayed in the 50s which was not true). She was also complaining
I wanted to suction while it was her duty to use the ambu, and then
going on with her experience with SMA kids (tpes 2 and 3 and
trached,by the way), and that she felt uncomfortable with how we were
handling her. She went on with explaining we didnt want to use Xonopex/
Robinul, the doctor explained 5 times what a bronchodilator is since I
am stupid and I dont get what it does and the nurse emphasized I didnt
know what I was doing...
In the end I got a PRN for the Xopenex, less dosage, the pulmonologist
pissed at my attitude but giving me a referral to an allergist for
finding out about any allergies Deedee may have (which I had asked in
the first visit since I know I am very allergic to many things and
Deedee is very much like me)... We get home, the nurse keeps her talk
about how SMA kids should be handled, about the right way of handling
desats... you know, she is such and expert... When the shift changed
and the old nurse arrived, new nurse began pushing buttons the same
way she did with the pulmonologist. She started her drilling on the
what ifs, what would we do it Deedee needs a bronchodilator, what
woudl we do... if anything. To make a long story short, I finally
screamed at her and after whining to my husband about this kid "not
gonna become the first one she looses", followed on me being in
"denial" when in the end for the child safety she should be trached...
and then she goes. I made her feel so uncomfortable after all, doing
all these things and procedures that we came up with! Um-hum... The
old nurse told us that in the morning, the new one had called the
agency saying she would not be back in the case (seems that at the
moment we were in the pulmonologist office). So... End of story about
the new nurse that only lasted for 1 week... Still, it does nothing to
make me feel better...
My main upsetting/ pissing off factor is simple: Why is it no one
believes it when you say your child reacts to something? Even with
witnesses! Why it is wrong to follow Non-Invasive when Deedee's lungs
are clear, her stats are 97-100, heart rate is normal ( and we keep a
hourly log for both just in case, to show the doctors). If she doesnt
NEED a medication why should she have it. Even more, if she REACTS to
a medication, why should she have it even as a PRN?!!!!! I have a
manual that seems is made of thin air as nurses dont believe in it. I
have copies of the consensus, of all of Swoboda pages, of any
information RELEVANT to SMA Type 1, and repeat to them Type 2-3-4 is
NOT Type 1! Just because Deedee seems fine doesnt mean she is not
frail. Then we get the stories of rehab and therapy and how it all
worked... Do they get that Deedee's genetic disorder actually
progresses with time and that we must work to actually keep what she
has? It is all a constant fight, a constant questioning of everything
we do... Which is everything you all do... And it is all so
exhausting, unnerving, tiresome, frustrating and angering!!!! Even
more when so-called proffessionals do the oppossite of helping!
We will try getting a hold on DrBach and Lou tomorrow during the day,
to see if they can shed some light upon us if we are so wrong, or upon
them if they dont want to hear us because we dont have medical
degrees. I want to reach DrSchroth to get her opinion and actually get
an appointment (working on that), as I see that with this
pulmonologist we aint really heading anywhere as she follows "standard
rules" for these patients... You know, what I brand as "mass
syndrome". Why things have to be so difficult? Aint them
difficult enough?"
At least the night proved that I'm not alone in this psycho-world, and that exactly is something that SMA parents go through with professionals over and over and over...
The outcome:
Wednesday: We tried to get DrBach in the morning, good timing. He asked why give meds when baby's lungs are fine. Amen. He gave a discontinue to them. In the afternoon nursing company called, as PsychoNurse had stirred the beehive over there, but their tone settled when we simple said "talk to DrBach, his order is discontinue the meds and no O2 unless she's having a respiratory arrest". End of story. Suddenly we are back to being the parents who "care so much and know so much". Um-hm... That's as long as there is a medical order backing us up. Well, apparently everyone thought we just wrote Deedee's care handbook out of divine inspiration... What is there are the facts of what to do for her. We didnt invent it (even if we do have very creative imagination). Everything we do has been following the NIV suggested by DrBach and his books and followed by hundreds of parents that belong to FSMA and believe in the NIV as it does allow for better quality of life on such critical kids (Im talking about SMA Type1 especifically... People get biased by revious experiences with types 2 and 3 especially nurses that think that SMA is the same in all...).
Thursday: Still no afternoon nurse available, but at least the company is working with us again, and communicated with DrBach, and Neverland is happy again. After giving us almost a big heart attack. I was really bad for like 4 days in a row, with a pain in my chest because of the high stress... Felt just as helpless as when we were in our hometown's hospital... I'm very grateful for the SMA forum. Their insight is definitively what keeps us going.
Friday & Saturday: Back to daily routine, I guess... New nurse on Saturday was ok, both were like having Mary Poppins at work.
Me, I have a project semi-final for Sunday night (now) and class ends next Saturday so it is all high intensive work. Plus I must load the prospective boss website so there's something besides the construction warning and I actually get paid.
Will keep venting...
10-4
Posted in SMA forum, here for "record"purposes. Wouldnt post in baby's blog as this is not too happy. I've been wanting to make heads roll!
Posted on Tuesday night:
"I am beyond upset. Today it turns out that I was branded as a "mom in
denial" because apparently Albuterol is the Holy Grail and the non-
invasive way of dealing with SMA is wrong... the way we do it. Here is
the story:
Pulmonologist gave order for Xopenex & Robinul four weeks ago. Yipee.
Upon giving nebulizers with Xopenex for 3 minutes to Deedee, she
desats to the 50's. This happenned twice, in front of our old nurse,
so she saw that we were not making things up. We discarted the
nebulizer, did treatments each 4 hours for 5 days and Deedee did well
and got her bug off. Fine. This I had already posted here...
So, she gets her vaccines and flu shots, and ended up three days later
with fever and vomiting. So we went to ER, stayed overnight at PICU,
they found nothing of deep interest, BUT the RT, when she went to give
the night treatment, she was going to use Xopenex and we told her what
happenned. She said that then she would use Albuterol, to see if
Deedee did well with it. Three minutes later she had to turn it off as
Deedee's heart rate skyrockted, eyes sollen and she became cold and
pale. She said she would let the doctor make a note as it really seems
that Deedee has a bad reaction to Albuterol.
The week that followed we noticed that Deedee has been with distended
stomach, much constipation, too much gas... from almost no vents now
she needed constant venting and residuals checks... A new nurse
pointed out Rubinol gave gas, so I looked up the side effects and
seems they can be more than just that. Distended stomach,
constipation, dizziness, blurry vision... well, obviously the oh-so-
great benefits of the famed ani-drool somehow lost their luster. We
tested stopping it for a week. And so the problems with being bloaded
and distended like a balloon and with constipation were gone. Heart
rates became normal and baby seems happier. So... What did we learned?
No robinul is best. For us, drool is the same anyway. What's the point
of giving meds that actually works against your child?
So... Today had a cardiologist appointment (a waste of time as in
reality he didnt even did a EKG or check anything about Deedee...
didnt even knew what SMA is... Didnt even touch Deedee! I tell you,
not even 5 minutes after a 50 minutes wait) and also with the
pulmonologist to give Deedee a Synagis shot. I asked for a D/C for the
nurses orders on albuterol/xopenex and robinul, explained why... The
pulmonologist says she spoke with the doctor from Picu and he said
Deedee did fine, since the RT said nothing and put nothing in the
notes and she could not brand Deedee as allergic if she had not seen
any reaction at all. Then the new nurse buts in asking these questions
about oxigen use, about the way we attack desats, that Deedee is in
the 50's (She desated on Friday night because of a plug, a fast going
down and then fast going up to her normal 98, but she emphasized
Deedee stayed in the 50s which was not true). She was also complaining
I wanted to suction while it was her duty to use the ambu, and then
going on with her experience with SMA kids (tpes 2 and 3 and
trached,by the way), and that she felt uncomfortable with how we were
handling her. She went on with explaining we didnt want to use Xonopex/
Robinul, the doctor explained 5 times what a bronchodilator is since I
am stupid and I dont get what it does and the nurse emphasized I didnt
know what I was doing...
In the end I got a PRN for the Xopenex, less dosage, the pulmonologist
pissed at my attitude but giving me a referral to an allergist for
finding out about any allergies Deedee may have (which I had asked in
the first visit since I know I am very allergic to many things and
Deedee is very much like me)... We get home, the nurse keeps her talk
about how SMA kids should be handled, about the right way of handling
desats... you know, she is such and expert... When the shift changed
and the old nurse arrived, new nurse began pushing buttons the same
way she did with the pulmonologist. She started her drilling on the
what ifs, what would we do it Deedee needs a bronchodilator, what
woudl we do... if anything. To make a long story short, I finally
screamed at her and after whining to my husband about this kid "not
gonna become the first one she looses", followed on me being in
"denial" when in the end for the child safety she should be trached...
and then she goes. I made her feel so uncomfortable after all, doing
all these things and procedures that we came up with! Um-hum... The
old nurse told us that in the morning, the new one had called the
agency saying she would not be back in the case (seems that at the
moment we were in the pulmonologist office). So... End of story about
the new nurse that only lasted for 1 week... Still, it does nothing to
make me feel better...
My main upsetting/ pissing off factor is simple: Why is it no one
believes it when you say your child reacts to something? Even with
witnesses! Why it is wrong to follow Non-Invasive when Deedee's lungs
are clear, her stats are 97-100, heart rate is normal ( and we keep a
hourly log for both just in case, to show the doctors). If she doesnt
NEED a medication why should she have it. Even more, if she REACTS to
a medication, why should she have it even as a PRN?!!!!! I have a
manual that seems is made of thin air as nurses dont believe in it. I
have copies of the consensus, of all of Swoboda pages, of any
information RELEVANT to SMA Type 1, and repeat to them Type 2-3-4 is
NOT Type 1! Just because Deedee seems fine doesnt mean she is not
frail. Then we get the stories of rehab and therapy and how it all
worked... Do they get that Deedee's genetic disorder actually
progresses with time and that we must work to actually keep what she
has? It is all a constant fight, a constant questioning of everything
we do... Which is everything you all do... And it is all so
exhausting, unnerving, tiresome, frustrating and angering!!!! Even
more when so-called proffessionals do the oppossite of helping!
We will try getting a hold on DrBach and Lou tomorrow during the day,
to see if they can shed some light upon us if we are so wrong, or upon
them if they dont want to hear us because we dont have medical
degrees. I want to reach DrSchroth to get her opinion and actually get
an appointment (working on that), as I see that with this
pulmonologist we aint really heading anywhere as she follows "standard
rules" for these patients... You know, what I brand as "mass
syndrome".
difficult enough?"
At least the night proved that I'm not alone in this psycho-world, and that exactly is something that SMA parents go through with professionals over and over and over...
The outcome:
Wednesday: We tried to get DrBach in the morning, good timing. He asked why give meds when baby's lungs are fine. Amen. He gave a discontinue to them. In the afternoon nursing company called, as PsychoNurse had stirred the beehive over there, but their tone settled when we simple said "talk to DrBach, his order is discontinue the meds and no O2 unless she's having a respiratory arrest". End of story. Suddenly we are back to being the parents who "care so much and know so much". Um-hm... That's as long as there is a medical order backing us up. Well, apparently everyone thought we just wrote Deedee's care handbook out of divine inspiration... What is there are the facts of what to do for her. We didnt invent it (even if we do have very creative imagination). Everything we do has been following the NIV suggested by DrBach and his books and followed by hundreds of parents that belong to FSMA and believe in the NIV as it does allow for better quality of life on such critical kids (Im talking about SMA Type1 especifically... People get biased by revious experiences with types 2 and 3 especially nurses that think that SMA is the same in all...).
Thursday: Still no afternoon nurse available, but at least the company is working with us again, and communicated with DrBach, and Neverland is happy again. After giving us almost a big heart attack. I was really bad for like 4 days in a row, with a pain in my chest because of the high stress... Felt just as helpless as when we were in our hometown's hospital... I'm very grateful for the SMA forum. Their insight is definitively what keeps us going.
Friday & Saturday: Back to daily routine, I guess... New nurse on Saturday was ok, both were like having Mary Poppins at work.
Me, I have a project semi-final for Sunday night (now) and class ends next Saturday so it is all high intensive work. Plus I must load the prospective boss website so there's something besides the construction warning and I actually get paid.
Will keep venting...
10-4
Monday, November 17, 2008
OVERRATED
Same old story...
Sleep? Resting? Quietness? Nah. I'll sleep when I die. So it seems... It's been quite busy the past three weeks. I wanted a job... so I got it. But the being jack-of-all-trades is a bit... tiresome? Being tired? Overrated too.
The projectname: Boss-In-Process Version 4.0
The tasks: Webdesign/CEO Assistant/Anything that comes to mind
The good news: Love it. Creative skills FINALLY put to use. Interesting projects within projects. Looks like my degrees in business can finally get out of the vault of the lost.
The bad news: I need time to do everything I must do, and my other boss is too needy (yup, remember I have Bossy Baby 1.0.2 Revised version. And it is her command that must be obeyed first... so imagine...
I am running towards the whim of Bossy Baby and BIP. And in between, I'm trying to complete a diploma on web design. Insanity rules. Sleeping 2-3 hours... What a waste of time, huh?
Well, I hope that one thing helps the other somehow. Will be using job site as project for my next class, so I will kill 2 birds with one shot. Cannot explore being too creative now, if I want to survive. Hopefully by the second week of December my dearly beloved hubby will be available 24/7 to obey BB and so I will be free to complete everything from Project BIP. Assuming I make it...
Until then... I will survive! (Sing along in a loop so I will believe it)
And in the meanwhile... Trying to get a certain apartment in a so-so place that is at least accessible to some key places for us. It would be good to get it as it would take a big stress off us... the bad thing is actually moving. But until things are really certain, that is just a tale of what if.
10-4
Sleep? Resting? Quietness? Nah. I'll sleep when I die. So it seems... It's been quite busy the past three weeks. I wanted a job... so I got it. But the being jack-of-all-trades is a bit... tiresome? Being tired? Overrated too.
The projectname: Boss-In-Process Version 4.0
The tasks: Webdesign/CEO Assistant/Anything that comes to mind
The good news: Love it. Creative skills FINALLY put to use. Interesting projects within projects. Looks like my degrees in business can finally get out of the vault of the lost.
The bad news: I need time to do everything I must do, and my other boss is too needy (yup, remember I have Bossy Baby 1.0.2 Revised version. And it is her command that must be obeyed first... so imagine...
I am running towards the whim of Bossy Baby and BIP. And in between, I'm trying to complete a diploma on web design. Insanity rules. Sleeping 2-3 hours... What a waste of time, huh?
Well, I hope that one thing helps the other somehow. Will be using job site as project for my next class, so I will kill 2 birds with one shot. Cannot explore being too creative now, if I want to survive. Hopefully by the second week of December my dearly beloved hubby will be available 24/7 to obey BB and so I will be free to complete everything from Project BIP. Assuming I make it...
Until then... I will survive! (Sing along in a loop so I will believe it)
And in the meanwhile... Trying to get a certain apartment in a so-so place that is at least accessible to some key places for us. It would be good to get it as it would take a big stress off us... the bad thing is actually moving. But until things are really certain, that is just a tale of what if.
10-4
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Pondering, pondering
... testing 123...
Let's see...
Housing woes: Well, money is very tight to nothing. Paperwork submitted to an organization that may be the key to finding a home for winter. Potential employer helped a bit, but his search lead to a handicap non-friendly place with tight doorways, so that's a no-no. We expect a call on Wednesday from the lady of the North, hopefully it will have good news... Maybe a senator will help with this quest as she deals with puertorrican affairs. We need a place that is rug free and with wide doors to maneuver Deedee (bath and bedroom).
Webdesign diploma: Hanging in there. Another A for the vault, new course just began. This one is Screen Graphic Design. Hope it helps with the prosective endeavour at hand. It all is going fast, and I am surprise at me actually learning something (and here i thought I knew everything)...
Jobhunt: Well... Prospective something in the air... Got a prospective boss for prospective webdesign and prospective virtual assistant thinguie. Using this month as trial to see where this can lead. No money discussion on the table yet, so testing waters to see if I actually take the plunge. Dont know... main problem is everything is safe until I do something and baby decides she wants more attention than usual, which leads to me with no time to spare as I am beyond tired... But wait! Tired is the new trend! Sleep? Overrated!
Nursing woes: Ok, so our day shift nurse is cooking. But she's having many personal issues so we are trying to be supportive with her (remember, we were born under that star, so it is a circle). Day shift is good, but I am actively involved in everything so I need hubby here at evening so I can study and do prospective experiment... Cannot deal with night therapy assitance, so the bright idea of night nurse comes back to the table. We began this today... goth the owl shift for a nurse, 10pm-6am. We will test this this week... Hubby is not liking it, and me... I dont know, I just know we need a bit of help. Day and me is ok, Night and him should do the trick. Its the only way to balance ourselves out. He's studing, I am too. Let's see how it all turns out. In the end, its the Deeva who decides our fate.
Daddy's affairs: School is working well, he's learned a lot and is putting it all to good use at home. He will begin his practice at a senior nursing home place next week. Hopefully at the end of this he will get a job there, if all starts align for that.
Deeva's will: Well, so far so good. Basically her doc says she is fine, its just that she cant cough. Is that good news? LOL Well... All in all, it is. She cannot move, but she can live with that. The lack of cough is the problem because thats how pneumonia strikes and destroys. So... We are doing a good job at keeping her lungs clean. Pat on the back. Teething woes in sesion but we are handling. The news about her being able to sit a bit is AWESOME. This changes many things in therapy. We'll see what's next... Switch and toy should be here within a week, so that part begins. And her cooing is getting better, as you can see she is actually trying to communicate her own way.
Life: Hectic. We go to bed at 2am most days... to get up at 8am... Not enough rest, not enough sleep, too much stress due to the famous housing/money/job issues tagged along the baby's illness issues. Awareness must be kept 24/7, ability to react 24/7, good disposition... ok, maybe 24/7 (I try, really)? But all in all, we KNOW that we ARE blessed. Someone is REALLY watching over us, over Deedee. We know somehow the way will be put before our eyes so we follow. This time we need to be helped. I cannot handle everything, so I will follow the lead. My energy is almost in zero... need to recharge.
10-4
Let's see...
Housing woes: Well, money is very tight to nothing. Paperwork submitted to an organization that may be the key to finding a home for winter. Potential employer helped a bit, but his search lead to a handicap non-friendly place with tight doorways, so that's a no-no. We expect a call on Wednesday from the lady of the North, hopefully it will have good news... Maybe a senator will help with this quest as she deals with puertorrican affairs. We need a place that is rug free and with wide doors to maneuver Deedee (bath and bedroom).
Webdesign diploma: Hanging in there. Another A for the vault, new course just began. This one is Screen Graphic Design. Hope it helps with the prosective endeavour at hand. It all is going fast, and I am surprise at me actually learning something (and here i thought I knew everything)...
Jobhunt: Well... Prospective something in the air... Got a prospective boss for prospective webdesign and prospective virtual assistant thinguie. Using this month as trial to see where this can lead. No money discussion on the table yet, so testing waters to see if I actually take the plunge. Dont know... main problem is everything is safe until I do something and baby decides she wants more attention than usual, which leads to me with no time to spare as I am beyond tired... But wait! Tired is the new trend! Sleep? Overrated!
Nursing woes: Ok, so our day shift nurse is cooking. But she's having many personal issues so we are trying to be supportive with her (remember, we were born under that star, so it is a circle). Day shift is good, but I am actively involved in everything so I need hubby here at evening so I can study and do prospective experiment... Cannot deal with night therapy assitance, so the bright idea of night nurse comes back to the table. We began this today... goth the owl shift for a nurse, 10pm-6am. We will test this this week... Hubby is not liking it, and me... I dont know, I just know we need a bit of help. Day and me is ok, Night and him should do the trick. Its the only way to balance ourselves out. He's studing, I am too. Let's see how it all turns out. In the end, its the Deeva who decides our fate.
Daddy's affairs: School is working well, he's learned a lot and is putting it all to good use at home. He will begin his practice at a senior nursing home place next week. Hopefully at the end of this he will get a job there, if all starts align for that.
Deeva's will: Well, so far so good. Basically her doc says she is fine, its just that she cant cough. Is that good news? LOL Well... All in all, it is. She cannot move, but she can live with that. The lack of cough is the problem because thats how pneumonia strikes and destroys. So... We are doing a good job at keeping her lungs clean. Pat on the back. Teething woes in sesion but we are handling. The news about her being able to sit a bit is AWESOME. This changes many things in therapy. We'll see what's next... Switch and toy should be here within a week, so that part begins. And her cooing is getting better, as you can see she is actually trying to communicate her own way.
Life: Hectic. We go to bed at 2am most days... to get up at 8am... Not enough rest, not enough sleep, too much stress due to the famous housing/money/job issues tagged along the baby's illness issues. Awareness must be kept 24/7, ability to react 24/7, good disposition... ok, maybe 24/7 (I try, really)? But all in all, we KNOW that we ARE blessed. Someone is REALLY watching over us, over Deedee. We know somehow the way will be put before our eyes so we follow. This time we need to be helped. I cannot handle everything, so I will follow the lead. My energy is almost in zero... need to recharge.
10-4
Monday, October 06, 2008
SICK
...
Ugh! Hate this weather! It is too cold, period! I went on Friday to see the doctor, and all my results are fine. Sugar a bit high (not for my normal self... actually its in 165 so that was something good)... So he made some adjustments to the prescription, minor ones as he doesnt want to screw up anything else. :P Problem: Going there and coming back. Took the bus... transfer... and so so... The wind is too much. My sinus was hit right on target. Spent the weekend feeling miserable and sick... My head is still spinning, so I'll be back to bed if miss high maintenance allows for that...
Also, today starts the Fall session of AIO, so a new class starts. Screen graphics design. Hope to have fun.
Getting ball rolling about paperworks and stuff for Deedee. Hopefully things will look up. We have to stay here in NJ, so... to make lemonade from lemons... Hubby's Avon thinguie is taking wings.
And we have a newcomer in our family, a baby stray kitty that got lucky and found us. He was half dead, but has made a big comeback. He/she was named Ash. Let's see if he copes with us...
Ugh! Hate this weather! It is too cold, period! I went on Friday to see the doctor, and all my results are fine. Sugar a bit high (not for my normal self... actually its in 165 so that was something good)... So he made some adjustments to the prescription, minor ones as he doesnt want to screw up anything else. :P Problem: Going there and coming back. Took the bus... transfer... and so so... The wind is too much. My sinus was hit right on target. Spent the weekend feeling miserable and sick... My head is still spinning, so I'll be back to bed if miss high maintenance allows for that...
Also, today starts the Fall session of AIO, so a new class starts. Screen graphics design. Hope to have fun.
Getting ball rolling about paperworks and stuff for Deedee. Hopefully things will look up. We have to stay here in NJ, so... to make lemonade from lemons... Hubby's Avon thinguie is taking wings.
And we have a newcomer in our family, a baby stray kitty that got lucky and found us. He was half dead, but has made a big comeback. He/she was named Ash. Let's see if he copes with us...
Monday, September 15, 2008
Frustrated...
to say the least...
It is the time to re-evaluate things and make big choices in what to do, what to do... Things are not so simple... Two choice: Moving to Fl, or staying in NJ.
Fl seems like the Holy Grail right now. With the menace of winter around the corner, it glows as it is an environment that is close to PR tropical feel. We are searching the ways to do the move... What about the SSI, Medicaid, Housing... We need to know everything before leaping... And it all has to be within the next two months. We should move by November if we are to do it. Later will be too late. Big problem is daddy taking CNA courses that end in December...
Newark... Ugh! I hate the place. Pollution is very high, and now with the ambience change I can really feel my sinus! Staying here would not make us happy because of snow... which we are not prepared for... The weather is bad for baby. We need to find a cheaper place, and a job (which keeps on an ongoing fruitless task). Money is very low, we are surviving, without much help.
We don't know what else to do... Its like being trapped between the wall and a sword.
10-4
It is the time to re-evaluate things and make big choices in what to do, what to do... Things are not so simple... Two choice: Moving to Fl, or staying in NJ.
Fl seems like the Holy Grail right now. With the menace of winter around the corner, it glows as it is an environment that is close to PR tropical feel. We are searching the ways to do the move... What about the SSI, Medicaid, Housing... We need to know everything before leaping... And it all has to be within the next two months. We should move by November if we are to do it. Later will be too late. Big problem is daddy taking CNA courses that end in December...
Newark... Ugh! I hate the place. Pollution is very high, and now with the ambience change I can really feel my sinus! Staying here would not make us happy because of snow... which we are not prepared for... The weather is bad for baby. We need to find a cheaper place, and a job (which keeps on an ongoing fruitless task). Money is very low, we are surviving, without much help.
We don't know what else to do... Its like being trapped between the wall and a sword.
10-4
Monday, August 25, 2008
Blah days
Blah... Because they have been draining, frustrating and tiresome.
These days have been something… And not something nice and sweet, mainly days full of disgusts and annoyances. I am tired of all the coming and going, of all the opinions and of all the events. This may be the last week of trial and error for nursing service. We will cut the hours. 16 hours is too much. We find that 8 hours are the best option, during daytime working hours. We will try to see if that could really work for us. We need to regain some of our privacy somehow… The circus must end. On weekends… we will see if something may be worked out, because no one actually complied to the hours we wanted. Honestly, just the three of us can do fine for quality family time. But we are trying to keep hours real, as well as allowing for life and whatever may happen.
Within this chaos I managed to have a striking 99.5 in my August class, which deserved a strawberry-banana pancake feast from Ihop. Yay! Just began the new class, and hopefully the work I will put in there will allow me to either update my professional website or create one for baby. So, whatever the choice, it will not be time wasted.
The mage is also having fun with his CAN (Certified Nurse Assistant) courses. He may like it enough to actually finish them in December. The good: a job in January. The bad: out of the house for 9 hours straight. We don’t like it, but it’s all for a good thing. Maybe he’ll get to find a weekend job in the meanwhile. At least that would help.
Baby has some doctors dates ahead between Sept and November… We’ll see how well that turns out. So far, she’s doing great. She’s very sociable. Nothing brings her down, she’s always smiling.
la-la-la
These days have been something… And not something nice and sweet, mainly days full of disgusts and annoyances. I am tired of all the coming and going, of all the opinions and of all the events. This may be the last week of trial and error for nursing service. We will cut the hours. 16 hours is too much. We find that 8 hours are the best option, during daytime working hours. We will try to see if that could really work for us. We need to regain some of our privacy somehow… The circus must end. On weekends… we will see if something may be worked out, because no one actually complied to the hours we wanted. Honestly, just the three of us can do fine for quality family time. But we are trying to keep hours real, as well as allowing for life and whatever may happen.
Within this chaos I managed to have a striking 99.5 in my August class, which deserved a strawberry-banana pancake feast from Ihop. Yay! Just began the new class, and hopefully the work I will put in there will allow me to either update my professional website or create one for baby. So, whatever the choice, it will not be time wasted.
The mage is also having fun with his CAN (Certified Nurse Assistant) courses. He may like it enough to actually finish them in December. The good: a job in January. The bad: out of the house for 9 hours straight. We don’t like it, but it’s all for a good thing. Maybe he’ll get to find a weekend job in the meanwhile. At least that would help.
Baby has some doctors dates ahead between Sept and November… We’ll see how well that turns out. So far, she’s doing great. She’s very sociable. Nothing brings her down, she’s always smiling.
la-la-la
Saturday, August 16, 2008
The BITCH is BACK
(and you thought I've gone soft)
Hmmm... Back to "being pissed off" days... I feel soooo at home!
Ever since Thursday things have been... hectic? Um, kinda... Not really... Stressful? Maybe... I'm looking for the right word to describe the chaotic impulse of just wanting to squeeze necks simply to see the blood coming out of the eyeballs... Ok, so this kind of squeezing will have to be done with a torture device, but hey... A girl can have dreams!
Things to make you go UGH! Starting Thursday:
#1 The middle men thast wont communicate to the employees and client... By now it is simple: I HATE NURSES. I hate even more the lack of communication between their company and them, and then their company and us, and then just between us all. What I see is that the people this company hires are just looking for a stable job with benefits(not this company). Some state their plans up-front. Others do their business and blows it all on your face without giving a fair notice first. So we are ending up with a nurse turnover that is draining, stupid, pointless, a waste of time, a waste of energy. Why? Each time a newbie arrives is the whole process og giving the tour, giving our handbook/booklet on Deedee's care (I made it, 42 pages), explaining what we do, why we do it, and walking through the whole DAY for at least the first 3 days. In the process everything also gets caught in trust issues, especially when one sees details that you know are unforgiveable... If us parents were not around, baby wouldn't be safe, period. So after a week you can get a feel of what you have in store with the nurse... But wait! Sometimes they don't come back. Or they are just doing a part-time for a day to cover another so they don't come back. It is a parade of nurses that is suppossed to be helping us... And it is all actually stressing us and disrupting our daily routine, and baby's routine... especially because everyone do things differently and I MEAN differently. We've had to fight all the styles that they have, and having people tell you "OMG! This is all so wrong! This is not sterile! I won't do this, I wont do that... How could they EVER let you go out of a hospital without a nurse!" and treat us as if we didn't knew what we are doing... It is all BEYOND taxing. Because, all in all, the ones that complaint the most know NOTHING of SMA. We know the details, we know what must be done... And they can't even identify when baby is choking in her own saliva. I am tired of being nice and polite. I am tired of the parade at home, 16 hours of absolutely no privacy and strangers that come in to help trying to manipulate what you do and ponder on your way/style of life. If I didnt knew that we will need them in the future, I would call them off. Really. We can manage baby on our own quite nicely and much safely. The arade can lead to germs getting into the house, brought from strangers and make baby sick. We are trying to make a point of that... Hopefully the newest ones do stay for at least a month... It all has been very disconcerting and a very... rough trip (to say the least). For first shift we now have one that has handled SMA type2, so has been the best so far... We know she is looking for an office job, so I see her going at least within a month. She started out on Monday and has been here 4 days. Wow! I'm amazed! Finally one that actually comes in in time and actually do PT/OT/RT, talks to baby and handles her well. But I don't expect this to last long. The company tells her she's gotta work some hours, then changes them without giving her a notice... Ugh! One will start for the second shift next Monday as the one we had simply decided to leave the company without any further notice. We'll see how it goes with that one... She was suppossed to pass by to meet Deedee, at midday... And it is midafternoon. Coocoo one is gone and she didn't knew about it, yesterday she was surprised as she said until next week and my hubby commented the company had said she was not going to be back. Both funny and unnerving. And still no nursing service for the weekends with the hours we requested... They are suppossed to tailor time to us, but that is NOT working.
#2 The familiar FAMILY cozy gatherings that ends up in a Quixtar demo. We are so stupid as to fall for the nice sitcom-like scene that family arrives and wanna see baby... delivered a package that was for me, yay! Deliver the news that they wont make it to DeeVa's special day... And deliver the news on the lates attempt to recruit moi to the Quixtar thinguie/pyramid/so-called-business oportunity/HEADACHE! Why FAMILY don't get that I am not interested, plus it was a really bad time to bring business into the table? I think that there is a moment for everything, pushing a business like you push an enema is NOT the right way! Especially given OUR situation. We are isolated, we see that FAMILY don't reach us to see us, or see how we are doing, or visit us for the sake of visiting... No. There is always one of two things: Either you are here because a favor is at stake, or you are here for business. People: We don't call to get money or to have you doing "FAVORS" to us. What you do with kindness we do appreciate. But what we get is that no one is around because of us. Family is suppossed to be for showing care, for lifting spirits... There are many things we NEED espiritually, in matters of support in matters of simply being there. Money doesnt cover that. Business proposals up my butt doesn't cover that. What Deedee needs is presence, to feel love. Not ghosts. We are sick and tired of ghosts.
#3 Fire down below... Well, more like fire across the street at 1am... So... Loud noises, buzzing alarms couold be heard as if in the living room, 3 fire trucks, police, ER... You name it. It all ended like in the SIMS... Everyone fades away and the owners or people living there are in front of the wet smelly bulding looking dazed and confuzed, then jumping up and down saying things that a Vodu Queen would love to decode. Lovely way to distress peace and quiet... Wait... What am I saying? peace and quiet is NOT in the vocabulary by now. It is an idea, just like Shangri-La! Sleep? Who needs sleep? This is the city that won't sleep, and won't let you... Period.
The saga continued on Friday...
#4 The therapist that knows it all. LKittle Miss Know-it-all shows up questioning baby's positioning issues and bringing her expertise to the table. She has this vast experience on kids, experience with so many conditions. And she wants baby to sit. And makes a case out of it. And repeats things 3 times because dumb me cannot get what she means. Normally I would let it go, but yesterday... Oh, NOT yesterday. I told her point blank that I am not dumb, then comes the '" no need to get defensive" speech... And then I really went ballistic. The nurse ended up having the professional peptalk with her since it seems I need a degree so I am taken seriously. They met an agreement, and we will have a gathering in September with all therapists to reevaluate where are we going. But really... My solution: Woman, get busy getting to know SMA on Types 1. It's the same mistake: just because you SEE a healthy baby, it doesn't MEAN it is. Just because you WANT baby to achieve milestones it doesn't mean she CAN. Each time baby gets seated, she desats... I'm talking MAYOR desat... Plunging from 98 to 70 or below is NOT acceptable. I know what baby can do or can't. If she is distressed, uncomfortable, things can't be done. I may be speaking chinese. Yup, it's all those asian horror movies' fault. Whatever. She's added to my black list. When she reads and gets the facts on SMA, then we'll have another talk. At least the other PTs are more involved and actually listen without insulting one's knowledge. And they admit they are learning as they've had no kid like Deedee. That's the RIGHT attitude. We are ALL learning. There is NO expert. But we ALL must know the basic facts.
And ends up today...
#5 It is 7am. You think that being Saturday at least you can actually catch up on the sleep that you dindt have... WRONG!!!!! At 7:05 government workers shows up and start drilling on the sidewalk right in front of our bedroom. This is the second time... The first one was last week, on Saturday at 7am as well. The heavy drilling is unbearable. Instant get up, get as far as you can... even if you know there is no escape... Get Tylenol for the headache, get earplugs, get baby away from the room (as her's is also facing the sidewalk)... And wait for 2 hours until they go away. And don't even try whining about it! The excuse is the city has this going on all around, so you are screwed... Government permits, so shut up, go back to your house and who cares about your migraine or an ill baby? This city really REALLY suck! Each day I hate it all more and more.
So... No... These have NOT been breezy days. On top of the stress of coping with all that, there is also the stress of deadlines of assignments for the courses I'm taking. And that adds to the quotation... I'm studying because THAT IS MY WAY OF VENTING. It keeps my mind from getting rusty. It gives me entertainment and drama and suspense. It allows my social score to go up. And these aleatory people that come in and out question why in blazes I got myself into that instead of trying to take it easy and rest, or look for a job... May I scream? Thank you...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I needed that... even if in cyberspace no one can hear me scream... Just let's get one thing straight: I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET A FUCKING JOB EVER SINCE I GOT HERE! Given my situation and my luck, THAT HAS NOT HAPPENNED. I do NOT NEED to get a FUCKING EDUCATION! I already have a BSBA and an MBA to wipe my ass with. I also have experience, plenty of it THANK YOU. I WILL NOT go to work to NY. My place right now is near Deedee, being available to her. I HAVE GOALS. Since I couldn't get a job nearby I know the best bet is to work from home. I know I can make good money with webdesign and it is something I have done in my past, so now I want to UPDATE MYSELF so I know the latest to make myself MARKETABLE and go slice throuats with my creativity. Guess what? To get that diploma I need to take classes for up to a year, not a bad deal. After that when I get asked that stupid question about not having a degree I can take the diploma and make people eat it, along with the rest, and get the job in the way. I
n the meantime, I don't know how it all will flow, but I trust things will flow because we are NOT sitting around just wishing. While I have this masterplan (which was landed on me in the worst way possible, as we NEVER expected baby to have a FATAL disease that would make us uproot the island so fast... Of all places, coming to NJ? We wanted to be in Fl, and were thinking about it... Moving because you HAVE to in the blink of an eye is NOT fun, it is NOT a vacation, and is VERY taxing), my hubby also has a Master Plan too. We are in the state program, and the state is paying his getting a certificate as Nursing Assistant. That is for the next 4 months. By January he will work using that. And later on he may get the license to be an RT or certified nurse and in the long run he can be the actual caregiver for Deedee (and get paid for it). Or later on he will actually get to put his Associate's degree and almost complete BA in computers to work.
His studying keeps us in good standing on the state program, so we get the help we need for food at least. We are worried about rent and utilities... We are doing our best to be savvy and spend just the right amount. Our resources are going low... But we must follow through these plans somehow. Right now there is no other way. With the recession and the elections being so near, no job has been available for any of us. So, these plans make sense. We are NOT rotting and wishing. We are trying our best to get answers, to actually DO something about the bills.
The hounding dogs from financial institutions within the isle are unforgiving and out for blood. I supposse that the mortgage will go into the pack soon, as the fucking house won't sell either. It's no win situations... Being trapped in finacial distress is NOT fun. Especially when you have been RESPONSIBLE your whole life, and then things like this happen, something that implies life or death, and then you find no cooperation... I want to pay... Hell, I will pay! When I am actually working!
I have nothing. I lost everything. Let me at least have the moments that are left to pull myself together, put my life back in track, so I am able to fullfill all obligations! Do I have a history of being irresponsible? NO. Have I ever been without a job? NO. I've been working since 1995, nonstop, making everyone happy. And after all the hard work, everything crumbles... Talk about STRESS!
And on top of it all, you have the ongoing uncertainty of being responsible for a life that needs you more than anything or anyone else!So... We are pushed to our limits of creativity to handle everything. Smile and wave... Follow a plan... And in the way try not to loose sanity. Try to create special moments. Try to remember the important things in life are NOT tangible. Believe in the goodness of people. Believe that God moves everything and allows things with a higher purpose in mind... Breathe in, breathe out, believe... And really LIVE.
I hate when people make me become a bitch out of their own stupidity. I wish things could be smoother... Fighting all the way to get the things baby needs and that we need to live is frustrating, is demanding, is taxing... You have to be in our shoes to understand everything, the bitter-sweet reality of it all.
And so we smile, even if our hearts are breaking. But I am not to smile to stupidity from strangers. Sorry, but I am baby's advocate. And my own. You don't know us. You don't know anything about who we are, our background, our lives... And you really don't care to know. If I am to face you being a bitch, then understand this: I don't care for you either. Go away. Think hard about why would I do such a thing. And if you can't take the heat, get off my kitchen.
10-4
Hmmm... Back to "being pissed off" days... I feel soooo at home!
Ever since Thursday things have been... hectic? Um, kinda... Not really... Stressful? Maybe... I'm looking for the right word to describe the chaotic impulse of just wanting to squeeze necks simply to see the blood coming out of the eyeballs... Ok, so this kind of squeezing will have to be done with a torture device, but hey... A girl can have dreams!
Things to make you go UGH! Starting Thursday:
#1 The middle men thast wont communicate to the employees and client... By now it is simple: I HATE NURSES. I hate even more the lack of communication between their company and them, and then their company and us, and then just between us all. What I see is that the people this company hires are just looking for a stable job with benefits(not this company). Some state their plans up-front. Others do their business and blows it all on your face without giving a fair notice first. So we are ending up with a nurse turnover that is draining, stupid, pointless, a waste of time, a waste of energy. Why? Each time a newbie arrives is the whole process og giving the tour, giving our handbook/booklet on Deedee's care (I made it, 42 pages), explaining what we do, why we do it, and walking through the whole DAY for at least the first 3 days. In the process everything also gets caught in trust issues, especially when one sees details that you know are unforgiveable... If us parents were not around, baby wouldn't be safe, period. So after a week you can get a feel of what you have in store with the nurse... But wait! Sometimes they don't come back. Or they are just doing a part-time for a day to cover another so they don't come back. It is a parade of nurses that is suppossed to be helping us... And it is all actually stressing us and disrupting our daily routine, and baby's routine... especially because everyone do things differently and I MEAN differently. We've had to fight all the styles that they have, and having people tell you "OMG! This is all so wrong! This is not sterile! I won't do this, I wont do that... How could they EVER let you go out of a hospital without a nurse!" and treat us as if we didn't knew what we are doing... It is all BEYOND taxing. Because, all in all, the ones that complaint the most know NOTHING of SMA. We know the details, we know what must be done... And they can't even identify when baby is choking in her own saliva. I am tired of being nice and polite. I am tired of the parade at home, 16 hours of absolutely no privacy and strangers that come in to help trying to manipulate what you do and ponder on your way/style of life. If I didnt knew that we will need them in the future, I would call them off. Really. We can manage baby on our own quite nicely and much safely. The arade can lead to germs getting into the house, brought from strangers and make baby sick. We are trying to make a point of that... Hopefully the newest ones do stay for at least a month... It all has been very disconcerting and a very... rough trip (to say the least). For first shift we now have one that has handled SMA type2, so has been the best so far... We know she is looking for an office job, so I see her going at least within a month. She started out on Monday and has been here 4 days. Wow! I'm amazed! Finally one that actually comes in in time and actually do PT/OT/RT, talks to baby and handles her well. But I don't expect this to last long. The company tells her she's gotta work some hours, then changes them without giving her a notice... Ugh! One will start for the second shift next Monday as the one we had simply decided to leave the company without any further notice. We'll see how it goes with that one... She was suppossed to pass by to meet Deedee, at midday... And it is midafternoon. Coocoo one is gone and she didn't knew about it, yesterday she was surprised as she said until next week and my hubby commented the company had said she was not going to be back. Both funny and unnerving. And still no nursing service for the weekends with the hours we requested... They are suppossed to tailor time to us, but that is NOT working.
#2 The familiar FAMILY cozy gatherings that ends up in a Quixtar demo. We are so stupid as to fall for the nice sitcom-like scene that family arrives and wanna see baby... delivered a package that was for me, yay! Deliver the news that they wont make it to DeeVa's special day... And deliver the news on the lates attempt to recruit moi to the Quixtar thinguie/pyramid/so-called-business oportunity/HEADACHE! Why FAMILY don't get that I am not interested, plus it was a really bad time to bring business into the table? I think that there is a moment for everything, pushing a business like you push an enema is NOT the right way! Especially given OUR situation. We are isolated, we see that FAMILY don't reach us to see us, or see how we are doing, or visit us for the sake of visiting... No. There is always one of two things: Either you are here because a favor is at stake, or you are here for business. People: We don't call to get money or to have you doing "FAVORS" to us. What you do with kindness we do appreciate. But what we get is that no one is around because of us. Family is suppossed to be for showing care, for lifting spirits... There are many things we NEED espiritually, in matters of support in matters of simply being there. Money doesnt cover that. Business proposals up my butt doesn't cover that. What Deedee needs is presence, to feel love. Not ghosts. We are sick and tired of ghosts.
#3 Fire down below... Well, more like fire across the street at 1am... So... Loud noises, buzzing alarms couold be heard as if in the living room, 3 fire trucks, police, ER... You name it. It all ended like in the SIMS... Everyone fades away and the owners or people living there are in front of the wet smelly bulding looking dazed and confuzed, then jumping up and down saying things that a Vodu Queen would love to decode. Lovely way to distress peace and quiet... Wait... What am I saying? peace and quiet is NOT in the vocabulary by now. It is an idea, just like Shangri-La! Sleep? Who needs sleep? This is the city that won't sleep, and won't let you... Period.
The saga continued on Friday...
#4 The therapist that knows it all. LKittle Miss Know-it-all shows up questioning baby's positioning issues and bringing her expertise to the table. She has this vast experience on kids, experience with so many conditions. And she wants baby to sit. And makes a case out of it. And repeats things 3 times because dumb me cannot get what she means. Normally I would let it go, but yesterday... Oh, NOT yesterday. I told her point blank that I am not dumb, then comes the '" no need to get defensive" speech... And then I really went ballistic. The nurse ended up having the professional peptalk with her since it seems I need a degree so I am taken seriously. They met an agreement, and we will have a gathering in September with all therapists to reevaluate where are we going. But really... My solution: Woman, get busy getting to know SMA on Types 1. It's the same mistake: just because you SEE a healthy baby, it doesn't MEAN it is. Just because you WANT baby to achieve milestones it doesn't mean she CAN. Each time baby gets seated, she desats... I'm talking MAYOR desat... Plunging from 98 to 70 or below is NOT acceptable. I know what baby can do or can't. If she is distressed, uncomfortable, things can't be done. I may be speaking chinese. Yup, it's all those asian horror movies' fault. Whatever. She's added to my black list. When she reads and gets the facts on SMA, then we'll have another talk. At least the other PTs are more involved and actually listen without insulting one's knowledge. And they admit they are learning as they've had no kid like Deedee. That's the RIGHT attitude. We are ALL learning. There is NO expert. But we ALL must know the basic facts.
And ends up today...
#5 It is 7am. You think that being Saturday at least you can actually catch up on the sleep that you dindt have... WRONG!!!!! At 7:05 government workers shows up and start drilling on the sidewalk right in front of our bedroom. This is the second time... The first one was last week, on Saturday at 7am as well. The heavy drilling is unbearable. Instant get up, get as far as you can... even if you know there is no escape... Get Tylenol for the headache, get earplugs, get baby away from the room (as her's is also facing the sidewalk)... And wait for 2 hours until they go away. And don't even try whining about it! The excuse is the city has this going on all around, so you are screwed... Government permits, so shut up, go back to your house and who cares about your migraine or an ill baby? This city really REALLY suck! Each day I hate it all more and more.
So... No... These have NOT been breezy days. On top of the stress of coping with all that, there is also the stress of deadlines of assignments for the courses I'm taking. And that adds to the quotation... I'm studying because THAT IS MY WAY OF VENTING. It keeps my mind from getting rusty. It gives me entertainment and drama and suspense. It allows my social score to go up. And these aleatory people that come in and out question why in blazes I got myself into that instead of trying to take it easy and rest, or look for a job... May I scream? Thank you...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I needed that... even if in cyberspace no one can hear me scream... Just let's get one thing straight: I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET A FUCKING JOB EVER SINCE I GOT HERE! Given my situation and my luck, THAT HAS NOT HAPPENNED. I do NOT NEED to get a FUCKING EDUCATION! I already have a BSBA and an MBA to wipe my ass with. I also have experience, plenty of it THANK YOU. I WILL NOT go to work to NY. My place right now is near Deedee, being available to her. I HAVE GOALS. Since I couldn't get a job nearby I know the best bet is to work from home. I know I can make good money with webdesign and it is something I have done in my past, so now I want to UPDATE MYSELF so I know the latest to make myself MARKETABLE and go slice throuats with my creativity. Guess what? To get that diploma I need to take classes for up to a year, not a bad deal. After that when I get asked that stupid question about not having a degree I can take the diploma and make people eat it, along with the rest, and get the job in the way. I
n the meantime, I don't know how it all will flow, but I trust things will flow because we are NOT sitting around just wishing. While I have this masterplan (which was landed on me in the worst way possible, as we NEVER expected baby to have a FATAL disease that would make us uproot the island so fast... Of all places, coming to NJ? We wanted to be in Fl, and were thinking about it... Moving because you HAVE to in the blink of an eye is NOT fun, it is NOT a vacation, and is VERY taxing), my hubby also has a Master Plan too. We are in the state program, and the state is paying his getting a certificate as Nursing Assistant. That is for the next 4 months. By January he will work using that. And later on he may get the license to be an RT or certified nurse and in the long run he can be the actual caregiver for Deedee (and get paid for it). Or later on he will actually get to put his Associate's degree and almost complete BA in computers to work.
His studying keeps us in good standing on the state program, so we get the help we need for food at least. We are worried about rent and utilities... We are doing our best to be savvy and spend just the right amount. Our resources are going low... But we must follow through these plans somehow. Right now there is no other way. With the recession and the elections being so near, no job has been available for any of us. So, these plans make sense. We are NOT rotting and wishing. We are trying our best to get answers, to actually DO something about the bills.
The hounding dogs from financial institutions within the isle are unforgiving and out for blood. I supposse that the mortgage will go into the pack soon, as the fucking house won't sell either. It's no win situations... Being trapped in finacial distress is NOT fun. Especially when you have been RESPONSIBLE your whole life, and then things like this happen, something that implies life or death, and then you find no cooperation... I want to pay... Hell, I will pay! When I am actually working!
I have nothing. I lost everything. Let me at least have the moments that are left to pull myself together, put my life back in track, so I am able to fullfill all obligations! Do I have a history of being irresponsible? NO. Have I ever been without a job? NO. I've been working since 1995, nonstop, making everyone happy. And after all the hard work, everything crumbles... Talk about STRESS!
And on top of it all, you have the ongoing uncertainty of being responsible for a life that needs you more than anything or anyone else!So... We are pushed to our limits of creativity to handle everything. Smile and wave... Follow a plan... And in the way try not to loose sanity. Try to create special moments. Try to remember the important things in life are NOT tangible. Believe in the goodness of people. Believe that God moves everything and allows things with a higher purpose in mind... Breathe in, breathe out, believe... And really LIVE.
I hate when people make me become a bitch out of their own stupidity. I wish things could be smoother... Fighting all the way to get the things baby needs and that we need to live is frustrating, is demanding, is taxing... You have to be in our shoes to understand everything, the bitter-sweet reality of it all.
And so we smile, even if our hearts are breaking. But I am not to smile to stupidity from strangers. Sorry, but I am baby's advocate. And my own. You don't know us. You don't know anything about who we are, our background, our lives... And you really don't care to know. If I am to face you being a bitch, then understand this: I don't care for you either. Go away. Think hard about why would I do such a thing. And if you can't take the heat, get off my kitchen.
10-4
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Update 101
Me... Coping with courses, crammed in one room for almost a week and dealing with nurses coming in and out... Not so sure this can work, but trying to not think too much about it. Finance companies hounding, as usual, very agrressively. No work, no pay, can't do much... maybe go bankrupt... Any ideas?
The Mage... Will start courses next month, job hunting like me, no success yet, handling nurses and being very Mentos about not wanting them around.
Baby... Being her diva self, happy and chatty. If she is ine, everything is fine. That's what matters.
Hopefully things will change for the best somehow... I'm praying we get a job soon, we need it desperately.
10-4
The Mage... Will start courses next month, job hunting like me, no success yet, handling nurses and being very Mentos about not wanting them around.
Baby... Being her diva self, happy and chatty. If she is ine, everything is fine. That's what matters.
Hopefully things will change for the best somehow... I'm praying we get a job soon, we need it desperately.
10-4
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
New endeavour
Moving ahead... Because I can I can I can (just like the little train that could...)
Started a Web-Design diploma degree on AIO, it should take a year or less to complete. I want a work at home job that I like and that pays the bills, and I think I could try this. I actually do web-design but I need to know the new ways of doing things. I have gotten myself in a bad program rot, so I hope this takes care of the issue. I am creative and I just need to be polished. If this project goes well, I may start a media design and animation bachellors degree next year after I finish the diploma. For now, baby steps so I can actually take care of baby and keep on trying to find a part time online that will help until the process ends.
In the brainstorming process about oh-so-many-things, Deedee's 1st birthday comes to mind. August 17th is a very important date, and we hope to accomplish a video-conference birthday so family, friends and DeeVa can truly reunite. LS and Groundel will have some of the spoilers... Hope things pull through. Theme? Sure! Hint, hint... Sing along: Under the Sea...
Mage is battling off the Kirby wars and also heading towards the Cow business... Will explain later on... All in all, also taking care of his little wife as she spent 4 days being really REALLY sick. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww... Can you feel the looooove toooonight....
Baby is braving her new wagon, just watched Spy Kids and is getting ideas in her head... You know, world dominion and the like...
Groundel seems heavenly blessed by his peers, who are getting him moving ahead and at least having some heavenly fun. He got in charge of being the vigilante last week for a group of kids at a summer camp, and now may be venturng in training some people on how to use computers (and not for free). Heads up! Keep the good job, buddy!
Coriolis lost to WOW, yup, we lost him... the security cord was cut and now he ain't never coming back, never, NEVERRRRRRR!!!!! How dramatic! LOL Nah, every now and then he actually use his psionic powers to make contact so everyone knows he's alive and no, no heir to the throne yet.
Lightshadow is FINALLY posting on her blog! I'm fainting, I'm fainting! That one is always scheming something, so now that she's showing signs on being online I fear... Has her cloaking device being busted? Nah, her moves are always coldly calculated...
Facebook mania has gathered the old Redskins class on my profile, it's interesting how things changed... And now the mania is spreading to some workmates... We're allll connnnnneeeeccctttteeeeeddddddd...
Ok, I'm a bit hyper, a bit musicl, a bit out there... Guess I'm happy. Geesh, I am such a nerd that actually having a class makes me this happy... Get a grip, woman!
Now I desperately need to get the whole Adobe thinguie... next project...
10-4
Started a Web-Design diploma degree on AIO, it should take a year or less to complete. I want a work at home job that I like and that pays the bills, and I think I could try this. I actually do web-design but I need to know the new ways of doing things. I have gotten myself in a bad program rot, so I hope this takes care of the issue. I am creative and I just need to be polished. If this project goes well, I may start a media design and animation bachellors degree next year after I finish the diploma. For now, baby steps so I can actually take care of baby and keep on trying to find a part time online that will help until the process ends.
In the brainstorming process about oh-so-many-things, Deedee's 1st birthday comes to mind. August 17th is a very important date, and we hope to accomplish a video-conference birthday so family, friends and DeeVa can truly reunite. LS and Groundel will have some of the spoilers... Hope things pull through. Theme? Sure! Hint, hint... Sing along: Under the Sea...
Mage is battling off the Kirby wars and also heading towards the Cow business... Will explain later on... All in all, also taking care of his little wife as she spent 4 days being really REALLY sick. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww... Can you feel the looooove toooonight....
Baby is braving her new wagon, just watched Spy Kids and is getting ideas in her head... You know, world dominion and the like...
Groundel seems heavenly blessed by his peers, who are getting him moving ahead and at least having some heavenly fun. He got in charge of being the vigilante last week for a group of kids at a summer camp, and now may be venturng in training some people on how to use computers (and not for free). Heads up! Keep the good job, buddy!
Coriolis lost to WOW, yup, we lost him... the security cord was cut and now he ain't never coming back, never, NEVERRRRRRR!!!!! How dramatic! LOL Nah, every now and then he actually use his psionic powers to make contact so everyone knows he's alive and no, no heir to the throne yet.
Lightshadow is FINALLY posting on her blog! I'm fainting, I'm fainting! That one is always scheming something, so now that she's showing signs on being online I fear... Has her cloaking device being busted? Nah, her moves are always coldly calculated...
Facebook mania has gathered the old Redskins class on my profile, it's interesting how things changed... And now the mania is spreading to some workmates... We're allll connnnnneeeeccctttteeeeeddddddd...
Ok, I'm a bit hyper, a bit musicl, a bit out there... Guess I'm happy. Geesh, I am such a nerd that actually having a class makes me this happy... Get a grip, woman!
Now I desperately need to get the whole Adobe thinguie... next project...
10-4
Monday, July 07, 2008
Bussssy beeeee
o algo
Hmph... So... Been out of the apartment to go work... the work was not what I expected, but I beared with it. This week should be the main training... So I called up to get my schedule and I was booked from Tuesday to Saturday, from 12 to 9pm. Insane, since I am suppossed to be PT and they know why...
I can't stay away for that long. Some things can slide for a day, but that's too many days without being there for DeeVa. And that cannot be compromised.
I'll call tomorrow to quit. Better to end it now, not from a hospital on the weekend.
Today, filling up/making letters for my old job, one for a position that I wanted badly but I obviously cannot comply... And the other a thank-u letter for all the help the people gave me.
Job hunting... not that I ever stopped. last night sent for business cards, so I can go in person. They want agressive? Ok, I can play that game. Bitch-mode on!
Everything else... Slow but certain. DeeVa's 1st birthday is aproaching, so fasten your seatbelts for the joyride! You cannot miss it!
10-4
Hmph... So... Been out of the apartment to go work... the work was not what I expected, but I beared with it. This week should be the main training... So I called up to get my schedule and I was booked from Tuesday to Saturday, from 12 to 9pm. Insane, since I am suppossed to be PT and they know why...
I can't stay away for that long. Some things can slide for a day, but that's too many days without being there for DeeVa. And that cannot be compromised.
I'll call tomorrow to quit. Better to end it now, not from a hospital on the weekend.
Today, filling up/making letters for my old job, one for a position that I wanted badly but I obviously cannot comply... And the other a thank-u letter for all the help the people gave me.
Job hunting... not that I ever stopped. last night sent for business cards, so I can go in person. They want agressive? Ok, I can play that game. Bitch-mode on!
Everything else... Slow but certain. DeeVa's 1st birthday is aproaching, so fasten your seatbelts for the joyride! You cannot miss it!
10-4
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