Review

How can I describe this past weekend? Well… It was filled with turmoil, drama, anger, distress, deception, loss, suspense, disappointment, hope and love. Many things have happened, and nothing will ever be the same. One truth stands, the truth of who I am and how much I love my people.

Friday: At night visited Lucinda, did some laundry and had a nice chat near Porta Coeli. That was fun, as I had the chance to witness the insanity that El Calvo usually talks about… of the nightlife in the living city… LOL There was a guy crying because his love didn’t appear to meet him at their 3rd monthaverssary… We told him to go home. Then after a while he came back, crying and a bit drunk, as his love left him a letter in his house dumping him… I know, it’s not funny… But it is! Ok, people, it’s dark humor, bear with me… He vanished and appeared later on, druk, with determination in his eyes, he was gonna hunt for a lady even if it were the last thing he’ll do! Then he sits down to cry his woes… Sheesh! Between the intervals of the crying man, a couple of Americans passed by selling stuff made from the wonders of puertorrican nature… They talked a bit advertising themselves of course, in a very undercover and business-friendly way… Time wasted as no money no bologna… So… The encounters continued as a lovely pair of gay men appeared getting into their house… It was hilarious because for unknown reasons they were dressed with the same ugly patterned shirt… The final encounter was the officer that kept teleporting within the territory of the Porta Coeli,hmmm… or was it the spirit of a nun? Buahahahahah…

Saturday: Had to go shower at my mummy’s place since there was no water at home… Then at midday picked up Zordak to go get some goodies for his girl’s b-day. After that, went to see Descent. During the wee hours of the morning, found Lucinda online and chatted for a while… I hope she puts her stuff together.

Descent: The tale of the friends who gather after a tragedy to have some fun and reconnect… and then everything goes wrong. I LOVED the carrie-like scene… the eyes showing all the hatred that a woman in berserking rage can have. Very entertaining, gives a high kick to the lame look-alike movie The Cave.

Sunday: Cleanup day. Groundel passed by and helped with the kitty litter change, and then the main target was going to the video class… But, took a wrong turn and just like the movie, cannibals ate that idea. At least there was no bloodshed… I wish there was a way to make things less painful, as time and events make things look hopeless. I gave all I had, to others, for others. No evil intent, no lies. I hope that means something someday… Anyway… Passed by Zordak’s place and had another long talk… the usual. Went home just in time so I had no further troubles… And so I surrendered to Morpheus will.

So… Summing things up… chaos, pain, crying, deep sadness, bitterness, disappointment… But among it all, a bliss so peaceful and so beautiful that gives me strength to smile, stand, and go on.

For individual thought:

Groundel: I hope you find the right way, I hope that some light comes to you in your current times of darkness. Each time that something happens to you it hurts me so deeply, because I thought I had taught a few good lessons in your life… I thought I made a difference. I know it is difficult to avoid temptation, to live in a world where sin is offered in a silver plate as the only means to survive… The path less traveled is the path that gives much personal reward, and this I showed you over the years. Remember, acknowledge and evolve. Do not dwell on dark thoughts and dark desires, I beg of you… You must believe that you can do everything you should do, because I know you can. In the beginning you were in at all cost, wiling to do everything… But it all is not lost. Keep my memory intact, and tribute it with doing the right things… All these years cannot be of wasted love… the base of our deep friendship. For what it’s worth, I am here if you need me… I take the good and the bad. I may get angry, upset, disappointed… but I always care because that is who I am and how I like it. Do not question me again. I’ll always be there if you need me, I’m always watching over you.

Lucinda: I hope your Times of Trouble strengthens you, turning you into the woman I used to know back in high school… A woman who do not let anything stop her from her goals, with high aspirations and dreams and will to accomplish anything. A woman who many times stated her self by means of her favorite poem… as her own duality is shown within it in open flesh. I see so much potential in you… Over the years you have let the world turn your dreams and beliefs upside down… It is time to re-awaken. It is time to stand for your rights, on your own… for yourself first, and then for the little ones. You have many tools at your grasp so use them. Be unafraid. You are not alone.

Zordak: Thank you, for everything that was, and that is, and that will keep on being forever.

And the wheel keeps spinning…

10-4

True

Colors

You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

-Cyndi Lauper, True Colors

TGIF

Last night went to take the photography course. Tril cancelled when he called me at work, he’s on his ex-bf voyage and so I let him be. So, went to the place on my own. The class is not as full as the video one, only 54 people… At first the techer seemed too stupid for me, but I guess I must put my mind into the fact that he may be putting things at very low level because of the elderly. That’s cool. From the middle on the class was ok. My aura for kids around me worked again, and this mom with 3 kids seated at my side and wouldn’t stop talking to me… She even gave me crackers… Yup, mommy mode alright… Finished at the agreed time. So far, the class seems interesting, let’s see if I learn something new...

Passed by Lucinda’s to check my email and drink the doctor’s potion. By ten had to go… Was feeling really, really sleepy. Zordak called and so stopped by a video store for some kicks… Hilarious. It’s always a treat having him around, he makes me laugh all the time. Realized it was a bit late, and went home straight to bed… Actually slept the whole night through… I guess I was THAT tired…

Today morning passed fairly quickly… There is an activity at Ponce so there is not many people around. Oh, that is soooooo sad! At least no stupidity around… Breezing until its finally time to go…

Feeling: A bit crappy, but overall happy… Someone has made me smile a lot lately…

10-4

Believe

...

I don't believe in trouble
I don't believe in pain
I don't believe there's nothing left
but running here again

I don't believe in promise
I don't believe in chance
I don't believe you can resist
the things that make no sense

I don't believe in silence
cos silence seems so slow
I don't believe in energy
the tension is too low

I don't believe in panic
I don't believe in fear
I don't believe in prophecies
so don't waste any tears

I don't believe reality would be
the way it should
But I believe in fantasy
the future's understood

I don't believe in history
I don't believe in truth
I don't believe that's destiny
or someone to accuse

I believe, I believe!!!

I don't believe in trouble
I don't believe in pain
I don't believe there's nothing left
but running here again

I don't believe in promise
I don't believe in chance
I don't believe you can resist
the things that make no sense

I don't believe in silence
cos silence seems so slow
I don't believe in energy
the tension is too low

I don't believe in panic
I don't believe in fear
I don't believe in prophecies
so don't waste any tears

I believe!!!

I want you to try, try
to needing to know why, why
No kidding, no sin, sin
No running, no win, win
I believe!!!

No angels, no girls, girls
No memories, no Gods, Gods
No rockets, no heat, heat
No chocolate, no sweet, sweet
I believe!!!

I want you to try, try
to needing to know why, why
No kidding, no sin, sin
No running, no win, win
No angels, no girls, girls
No memories, no Gods, Gods
No rockets, no heat, heat
No chocolate, no sweet, sweet

No feeling, no secrets...
The silence you feel...
which hides you from
the real...
I want you to try, try
needing to know why, why
[keeps repeating, becomes blurred & indistinguishable....]

I believe, I believe!!!

-Franka Potente, Believe (Run Lola Run)

Dont let the sun

go down on me

I can't light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white
I'm growing tired and time stands still before me
Frozen here on the ladder of my life

It's much to late to save myself from falling
I took a chance and changed your way of fife
But you misread my meaning when i met you
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light

Don't let the sun go down on me
Although i search myself, it's always someone else i see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

I can't find oh, the right romantic line
But see me once and see the way i feel
Don't discard me just because you think i mean you harm
But these cuts i have, oh they need love to help them heal

Don't let the sun go down on me
Although i search myself, it's always someone else i see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

Don't let the sun go down on me
Although i search myself, it's always someone else i see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

-George Michael & Sir Elton John, Dont let the sun go down

After the storm hits...

Well… Things are mellow… The big storm and its children has left nothing but spoils of war. The barrenness of the landscape seems appalling, but then a slight breeze brings in some leaves to soothe the scarred land. Harshness and nothingness brings forth bliss and everything. Little by little the hidden faces come out of their hidden lairs… And as even Nature requires, after Winter Spring must follow, so after destruction a new world is given a chance to live… What is right shall always take precedence over the easy road. Truth shall always precede good intentions. Faith shall always precede hope.

Now to the news…

Me, well… I’m a lab regular by now…LOL The stomach pain/nausea is controlled thanks to the gizillion of meds I’m taking. Managed a frescatta this morning (although it felt as if eating half a New Yorker!). The crackers diet made me loose the balance of sugar and it sky-rocketted… plus seems I was dehydrated thanks to the gastritis… Ugh! So, now I have to stabilized the blood sugar, and then focus on the stomach/vesicula thinguie…

Tonight is the Photography class. I will try to go… Dislike the idea of going alone but, whatever… It’s not like I didn’t took many classes alone at college… Wanted to share the event with Lucinda or Tril, but one is busy and the other is mad at me… I think I should try taking it since I am so into taking pics. I can learn new stuff, and the people attending are interesting in matter of the things/hobbies I like…

Haven’t seen much of Groundel this week, just slight peeks. He is taking charge of his stuff, and says he feels useful for a very long time. I miss having him around, but I understand that in order for him to grow he must fly solo for a while. Not to say I won’t be around to help, but I’ll just be a witness instead of a main character. Let’s see how this movie unfolds…

Trilogy is still focused on the ex-8track and nothing makes him stray from that thought. It is a pity, he have so much talent and could do so much with his life… But I know he likes what he do, and he wont change. His narrow vision of me leaves much to be desired… If he wants a friend, I can be so… but if he wants to complicate things, I am sorry but I won’t handle things. I can’t anymore. This time, I’m betting on doing things for me first.

Coriolis… began studying, already had some close encounters with classmates… LOL Funny how he always ends up the fifth wheel of the odd group…

Lucinda seems in track on putting everything together. If she achieves that, everything else will fall in place.

Gosh, hope Karah is fine! Her baby comes out any minute! Who knows, it can be happening right now!

Red…an interesting addition to the list, on the microscope for now…

And last but not least, Zordak… being himself as usual, no complaints whatsoever. Coming back after a long gap, with much timing on his side…

10-4

Exciting days

Seems that this is the month to stay in sickbay… following Popu’s trend or something… (BTW, hope his stuff is getting better).

Due to the ongoing stomach pain and cronic running to the bathroom each time I eat anything (and I mean anything) that I battled on for 2 weeks, I finally decided to check things with a professional… On Monday went to the doctor at midday and she gave me some pills and some papers to run some tests as the suspicion is that my “vesicula” is inflamated and will have to be taken out. As I arrived late for the tests, I was taken in by the hospital at ER… The nurse almost didn’t found my vein (as usual) so after twisting & turning the needle she got it. Nice. Spent two hours falling asleep while seated at a chair in the middle of a corridor watching docs joke around… Ugh!

Tuesday morning went for labs and sonogram… Only labs could be performed as I had taken my diabetic pill with apple juice and that broke the “you can eat/drink nothing” rule to take the sonothing… I was really pissed as I woke up early for nothing… Went to work, actually went to Aguadilla and spent the day trying to focus on something else but the stupid pain.

Today, went really early to the sono place, and was second in list. Yay! That was fast. But it hurt a-lot… I am getting the feeling that the probabilities for operation increase… Results next Monday… WTF? So that means I have to keep on with this forsaken pain!!! Ugh!

Can’t eat… gotta keep on a gastritis diet so at least the visits to the bathroom are controlled… Can’t laugh, or the pain will get worst. Seems a slight fever comes and goes… This sucks.

Besides being sick, nothing of further public interest. :P I wanted some excitement but this is ridiculous…

10-4

Shadows

on your side

Shackled and raised for a shining crowd
They want you to speak but the music is louder than
All of their roar with the heat of the planet's core-but

[CHORUS]
The shadows are on your side
As soon as the lights go down
In the darkest place you can find
You belong to the hands of the night

Promises made with a distant friend
Truth should be known it can only bend
To a tune of its own
Hey you'll never hear that voice again
Scandal in white on a tangled vine
With everybody to say that you're having the
Time of your life when your life is on the slide-but

[CHORUS]

Spinning a compass to choose your way
You can run you can dive you can stand and you can soar
Whichever way you can be sure-that

[CHORUS]

Shadows on your side
The shadows are on your side

-DuranDuran, Shadows on your side

Highlights

of the weekend..

-Zordak. May I repeat? Zordak. Yup, the mysterious mage that has always lurked somewhere in the demiplane of dread (my world) for more than 16 years. A precious friend. I certainly wish that his stay within the realms of Valachan is a bit longer this time, although I know he has a hectic life… I didn’t realized how much I missed his unique ways.

-Zordak’s Munchkin. LOL Perverts, that is his little girl. She’s as lovely as her mommy and as smart as her daddy.

-Lucinda and “la raja de aguacate”. Oh, had to go fast because of the course and damnit I really wanted a piece of the avocado… oh well…

-Coriolis’s instant friends, mysteriously transformed into angelic guardians.

-Popu’s adventures of the odd kind, and the foot that wants attention… Wait for his story on his side of the net.

-Groundel stating to one of his friends that I am a friend, too.

-Ohhhs and ahhhs at the video course as Miguel Zayas is the professor… Cool, huh?

So, this weekend was full of mystery, horror, knowledge and a bit of drama. Friday night started out bad, bad, bad... Saturday started too early as I took my car to the doc, and went with the doors guy to my house to check that... and messed with uncle and all... Car is happier, still oil change on schedule, next week.

Coriolis passed by (I can die now) with some friends, and finally he had a chance to check my house. He says he liked the view. I knew he would, falcons gather around to look for prey... ;) After a stop at the nearest Texas, detoured to make a brief visit to EL Calvo. He's alive yet... And then delivered myself home. As I was tired and pissed but not sleepy, the mage made his appearance. That was an unexpected thing that really brought some light into all my dark thoughts.

On Sunday got over the routine of ironing my hair (la-la-la) and then went to meet the mage and his familiar. I may have not shown much emotion ( I don't, plus I have the pain that wont go away damnit), but I had a blast. Plus I got to see a side I never imagined from the mage, he's really grown up. Watching daddy caring for his girl really touched me. Anyway, after the meeting picked up Groundel to go to Lucinda's for a while, and then went to take the video course that began today. I had no idea that the conference guy was the famous local director Zayas (I had no idea who he was, then I was like ohhh and ahhh too). He gave a great briefing on everything, and next week will go in more depht over everything. This will be great to meet people who do comunity work in Cabo Rojo and Hormigueros, that have projects I may be interested. I'll give it a little more time so I see what I can do... I need to involve in something...

Feeling sad... still... but maybe hopeful... just maybe.

10-4

Interrupted

End of week, amen.

Migraine, and then some. Happy happy joy joy. Trying to get out of the chains, out of the straight jacket… But there is no use. Its binds are well tightened, and breathing is harder by the second.

Give me life, give me pain, give me myself again… Love spurns, bites, ravages…
The script has been changed completely, again.

10-4

Yello birk flying
Get shot in the wing
good year for hunter
And Christmas parties
And I hate and I hate
And I hate and I hate
Elevator music
The way we fight
The way I'm left here silent

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
These little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

We danced in graveyards
With vampire till dawn
We laughed in the faces of kings Never afraid to burn
And I hate and I hate
And I hate and i hate
Disintegration
Watching us wither
Black winged roses that safely changed their color

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
These little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

I can't reach you
I can't reach you
Give me life Give me pain
Give me myself again

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
These little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

-Tori Amos, Little Earthquakes

Louder! Damnit!

Hell, yeah!

I know that I will never be politically correct
And I don't give a damn about my lack of etiquette
As far as I'm concerned the world could still be flat
And if the thrill is gone, then it's time to take it back!
If the thrill is gone, then it's time to take it back!

Who am I? Why am I here?
Forget the questions! Someone gimme another beer!
What's the meaning of life? What's the meaning of it all?
You gotta learn to dance before you learn to crawl!
You gotta learn to dance before you learn to crawl!

So sign up all you raw recruits
Throw away those designer suits
You got your weapons cocked and your targets in your sight
There's a party raging somewhere in the world
You gotta serve your country, gotta service your girl
You're all enlisted in the armies of the night

And I ain't in it for the power,
and I ain't in it for my health
I ain't in it for the glory of anything at all,
and I sure ain't in it for the wealth

But I'm in it 'till it's over and I just can't stop
If you wanna get it done, you gotta do it yourself,
and I like my music like I like my life

Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than - everything else!

Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than - everything else!

(wasted youth - wasted youth, ah)
(wasted youth - wasted youth, ah)

They got a file on me and it's a mile long
and they say that they got all of the proof,
that I'm just another case of arrested development
and just another wasted youth
They say that I'm in need of some radical discipline,
they say I gotta face the truth,
that I'm just another case of arrested development
and just another wasted youth

They say I'm wild and I'm reckless
I should be acting my age
I'm an impressionable child in a tumultuous world,
and they say I'm at a difficult stage

But it seems to me to the contrary,
of all the crap they're going to put on the page,
that a wasted youth is better by far
than a wise and productive old age!
A wasted youth is better by far
than a wise and productive old age!
A wasted youth is better by far
than a wise and productive old age!
A wasted youth is better by far
than a wise and productive old age!
A wasted youth is better by far
than a wise and productive old age!

(louder, louder, louder, louder, louder!)

If you want my views of hist'ry,
then there's something you should know;
the three men I admire most
are Curly, Larry and Moe!
If you don't worry about the future,
sooner or later it's the past
And if they say the thrill is gone,
then it's time to take it back
If the thrill is gone,
then it's time to take it back!

So sign up all you raw recruits
Throw away those two-bit suits
You got your weapons cocked and your targets in your sight
There's a party raging somewhere in the world
You gotta serve your country, gotta service your girl
You're all inducted in the armies of the night

And I ain't in it for the power,
and I ain't in it for my health
I ain't in it for the glory of anything at all,
and I sure ain't in it for the wealth

But I'm in it 'till it's over and I just can't stop
If you wanna get it done, you gotta fight for yourself,
and I like my music like I like my life

Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than - everything else!

[Repeat to fade and instrumental coda]

-MeatLoaf, Everything louder than everything else

Unbroken, no fixing, thank-u!

Buahahahahahahaha!

Met by chance an interesting dark entity named Ravyn. In her blog she has one title that got my attention : “Don’t try to fix me, I am not broken”. Hilarious. She’s goth, and narrates how she must struggle against normal people who either try to “help” her or men that have a “savior” complex. Speaking with her I see a kin soul… She has a void nothing can fill, neither love, nor family or success… The sadness that comes up whenever a charade of bliss and happiness becomes tiresome. She tried once to belong to the normal world, but living a whole lie, appearing as you are not, is both burdensome, tiresome, and beyond stupid. So now she shows her true colors within the goth philosophy, which was her way of thinking from the beginning after all… It was odd to hear her complain about feeling everything, being empathic and all emotions-feelings is one of her greatest flaws… and messes up her life… and doesn’t help the void… My, did I relate to that! And yes, one knows love, and still love cannot fill the great void… just patch it up for a while.

My all-feelings, all-emotions being has been responsible for mayor catastrophic events in my life. And I cannot help it… although I’ve tried… I’ve been preached that I must be logical and make sound decisions, but my nature is not logic and cold calculations… My nature is basing actions on feelings… And somehow I can get what people feel as well, adding to me as I absorb everything as a sponge… It is not something I want to do, it is something that happens automatically… Because it is in my nature. Why should I care to have the burden of straightening everything I see and feel is wrong? Simple realization can answer that: If I don’t, no one else would care to do so. And it doesn’t really matters what everyone else does or don’t, what matters is what I can or can’t do… In the end it is me with all my own personalities chatting over coffee and a cinnabun… Even if sadness and ultimate loneliness engulfs me, it feels good to stand for what I believe is important, to go ahead and try fixing all wrongs I encounter… No one said it would be an easy task or that it all would be appreciated… especially by humankind… Whatever you do must be for yourself, for your beliefs, for your will and your own inspiration.

I’ve always done what I felt was right, even if it has been the less logical of all alternatives. I just know that logical is not for me… and would have left me feeling worst. The cruel, icy bitch that most think I am is a mask that I wear without any thoughts about it… Seems that is the only defense mode that I can have… Sometimes it works, as my enemies really think so much ill from me… But somehow even appearing so anti-humankind is nothing compared to the ability I have to attract problem people and allow them to feel they can trust me because I am a tomb. Yup, it’s a “careful with the bitch, she’s daughter of Satan” that comes glued to “but she has a kind heart and you can trust her, so bare your soul to her”… It’s a duality I don’t understand quite well, but that by now I accept… Ah, the empath… The worst is knowing the answers to problems but having to stand by because people wont hear them or have them… Which feeds the sadness on a constant basis… It’s the core truth of being alive in this rotten world: Sadness and pain will come in a constant basis, no matter where you turn… And that feeds the void one feels… It’s not a wanting to feel this way, but a feeling this way because it seems that’s simply what we do… Some of us are dark gifts brought to this world, to make a difference even if it’s small… to initiate things, to act, to fight back… Even against common beliefs, even if against all odds. So nothing will ever be right, because we are over-flooded with so much to do… because this world needs lost of fixing up. So the pain that we feel within our souls fuels our actions… and has a reason of being. The never ending wheel that rolls and rolls… A purpose ruled by the will of the Divine… We are little dark gifts. Humanity, enjoy!

10-4

Three blind (and deaf) mice...

Well, doors are up but they have not finished yet. They still need to place them seamlessly, and the window… But at least that stress is wearing off a bit.

Went to get the shock absorvers, these should be the ones. They offered a specialprice to put them on, and said they will honor it so maybe I’ll do that on Sat morning if I have enough cash left…

Haven’t seen anyone on Mon & Tue, basically confined at home… Yup, sickbay… Of course Coriolis kept my ear occupied on Monday night, and yesterday downloaded some stuff to see if I get some viruses off the system… would HATE to reformat again…

I woke up today with a pinched nerve on my neck-back… Lovely… And I feel sick but I’m not, so I guess I may be? Who can tell… Whatever… Back in my office, ah, the cozy smell of A/C and the lovely sound of servers… And they wonder why I’m growing deaf and blind by the hour…

10-4

Todo a la vez…

Because nothing can come in a single serving…

Today had to do the Yauco travel. On the way, got a call stating that the guy of the doors would pass by during the day to do his job. Yay, but I couldn’t go check because I was on the way to Yauco… So uncle shouldve gone (hopefully)… Got a call from WA stating the shock absorvers appeared… hopefully they will be the right ones this time around… Gotta pick them up after work…Got a call from Tril asking about amusement park accidents. Got a call from Steve stating he had to go with his sis and mom to do something in the afternoon… Stopping in the SG-CAA almost didn’t makeit out since the only guy posted there was bored and kept talking and talking… stating things about how work caused stress that lead to his face arterial burst o algo. Arrived to my office, and as usual people don’t wait until you open the door but launch at you stating all their needs… After work gotta go to WA, then pass by the house to see from outside because I wont have keys… Then home, because I can state that I have a BIG headache right now… Been the whole week with headaches, migraine and tummy pain… Ugh!

Eyes and brain are tired. Please, no biggie just a regular combo without mayo, ketchup or salt… for the go… Whatever…

10-4

Life and some needful things

Well, at least these past days have not been a complete waste. Been quite busy with lots of stuff… Good not to think too much.

Friday night was the pits because of migraine, so basically went to dewll on my cave with lots of ice covering my ice and forehead. Frozen thoughts as a result, best news in months.

Saturday began early, sort of. Groundel invited for breakfast, and from there we went to my house for a cleanup frenzy. No water, but since it rained cats and dogs got the idea to fill up all containers with water from the rain and so… Filling, emptying, filling… gpoing upstairs, cleaning, emptying, going downstairs, filling… You get the idea… Working the whole afternoon, later on I would realize that yes, my arms are definitively there! Tril called for a movie outing, so at least the night was entertaining. Movie and dinner. Wheeeee!

Monster House: Wow! It has been a long time since previews didn’t actually tell what the movie is about… I mean, yes, duh, it’s a monster house literally but the story behind it is so nice! In a Ravenloft kinda way… And the fact that the ending credits has a Siouxie & the Banshees song is the cherry of the sunday. You have this neighborhood in which kids are always out playing around… And as all neighborhoods, there is an old house that looks wicked, and on which lives an old grouch who would not let kids step into his lawn. “Get off my lawn” he would scream, chasing away kids, taking their toys and braking them. Signs of beware and keep off were stuck all around the creepy house… The boy next door (living in front of the house) as every nosy neighbor do, always keeps an eye on the wherabouts of the old guy. He knows that if a toy falls in his land, an unfortunate kid will loose it forever… after receiving quite a good set screaming and kicking too! Well… his best friend appears with a shining new basketball, and while chubby manifests himself the ball lands on the old guy’s lawn. The quest to get the ball begins… and I wont go any further so I don’t spoil it for you. It is a nicely written tale, that keeps girls smart, boys curious and wives evil. ‘Nuff said.

Sunday morning began with washing my hair and then the not so mandatory but what the heck two hours of ironing it so it is silky smooth straight… Awww… Well, gotta keep it neat if I flash the unnatural colors… cannot get away with unkept and unnatural, that’s a zombyfied no-no. Finally tumbled breakfast, and began organizing all the clothing that was outside my closet… The afternoon began with heavy rain. Groundel called after 2 to let me know he was soaking wet while trying to reach my house, stuck in the nearby pharmacy. Went to get him, he looked funny as yes, he was soaking wet, and standing against the wall while staring at the rain as a wet cat would… Mamauuu o algo… LOL Anyway, back home so I would finish my closet and gave the wet cat some dry clothing and breakfast. Didn’t have long pants, so shorty shorts had to do… The results were hazardous for kids but well… At least the shorts were not wet. ;) Anyway, Tril called reaching 5pm but had to decline as I was going out to do the laundry at Raven’s. Duty before fun, but I’ll take a raincheck. At Raven’s the back to school frenzy was in all its glory, and while she scrapbooked the notebooks, laundry was served. By 9:30 had to call for a time out, as migraine striked and had to go home… working Monday was ahead…

Situation at home: Auntie still not talking to me. Actually trying to annoy me with some things but I’m just getting off the way, staying on my confined room. Kitties misbehaving but happy in their own way (Food, drink, toys, human slaves and litter… What else could they want? Freedom? You will see Roxie turning up her nose towards that thought!). Nothing else of note…

House situation: Gotta find an electrician to check thing and the reason why there is no light. Must wait for the next 15th for that matter… Doors should be done next weekend. I need to do a round of bug killer so the bugs get the point that humans are to invade their lair. Then to tear down closets and the rotten cabinets. Need to get dome planks to keep the kitchen’s sink up while tearing down everything else. And after that a final Clorox cleanup to make sure everything is neat. With that done I will try to move almost everything over there. It’s a matter of keeping the chronology moving… Next on the expense lane is the water tank (December 2006) followed by the closet doors (February 2007), followed by the cabinets (December 2007) followed by the floor downstairs (December2008) followed by the upstairs bathroom ( December 2009) followed by downstairs bathroom (December 2010).

Feelings situation: Still sad, but not dwelling on it… What I don’t do no one else will do for me, so there’s no sitting around just wishing. Life goes on.

Friends situations: Groundel should start college next week. Still on a job quest. Raven in back to school mayhem… Houston, we lost her… LOL Coriolis, had me worried for a while but he was just on Outter Planes (does he thinks he is Elminster or something?)… And Trilogy is trying to keep pace with me… Still, he needs to get I don’t run around having fun but actually doing things... I am grown up, even if he doesn’t like it. I wonder if Karah already had her baby… I also wonder about NoName, he is taking the vanishing act seriously! :P

Life situation: Getting info on studies matters, so January is more certain. Too many expenses and too many unsolved mysteries right now. Want to travel but seems that is a wishful thought in itself… Still, need to do so because I need a break from this island and its ongoing sickness.

Work: Need to go to Yauco and Aguadilla but Im stuck because of rain and no gas for the car… No transportation available either… It sucks… But, whatever. Dance to the beat that you are given… While trying to make things better.

10-4

When darkness falls...

Another worthless week passes by. Said some… being told some… Tried doing some… Always swimming against the current, nothing ever goes my way. Hexed from birth, thank you very much. One by one the lords of the council vanish, either stepping out or being murdered by fate. Good? Bad? Who can really tell… I’m out of place. I keep feeling ethereal, as an apparition that people passes by every moment. Transparent, inconsequent, unimportant, taken for granted, ignored, hated, misunderstood, misjudged… So many things the ignorant assume just by looking at you… So many things that friends and family assume as they don’t even bother to ask… I am so tired of people assuming things from me, things that has absolutely nothing to do with who I am and what I believe. Somehow I am expected to be this titanic entity of evil, and seems no matter how much they know you it is all they believe… It is disappointing when you take blames that are not yours, when people insist on you being something that is completely opposite of you.

Facing the world and its challenges is one thing, facing your close ones is another thing. It all has been a waste of time, a waste of hope, a waste of good intentions, a waste of love. It is true, more often than not people deserve what comes to them… but when a constant of bad things happens to the good people one has to wonder where is the justice? Where is the fairness? Is it really true that good things come to those who wait? Is it true that goodness prevails in the end? The only real truth is that only the good die young… and I can see why. The world suffocates any good intention because it either fears it or envies its intent. There are countless reasons for not being good… the most common is ease of living… followed by convenience and personal gain… followed by the wrong definition of what freedom means… followed by hate, anger and fear… followed by raw violence, carelessness and retribution… followed by loss, mundane bliss and carnal awakening… Countless reasons to kill off the idea of what love is, of true friendship, of compassion, of faith, of hope, or the greater good… Why suffer when you can live well… Who cares about a condemned soul, it is not as important as an instant of retribution… Who cares about the concept of good when evil is so delicious? Why think twice when many can benefit of a tainted act?

I don’t presume to be innocent. I have many flaws, and every day I fight many demons to stay in the trail of the Divine. Life and circumstances do not make things easy, a fiery entity as I am is easily taunted and enraged… But I do bind myself to some core rules so I do not regret my actions. I know regret, just one event in my life was enough to teach me regret… enough to make me try by all means to stay away from that path. That is why I may seem so passionate towards good beliefs, so bitchy in the eyes of people… I know that to each person truth may have different shades, but interpretation of truth is one thing and real facts is another. Real facts in black and white are true, no matter if they work against one. And that’s how things should always be. Bending the truth, disguising it, covering it up, saying nothing about it… in the end it all leads to pain and troubles even deeper that the truth would have brought in the first place. It is a simple fact that everyone around me seems to disdain, ignore, dismiss… Lies lead to deep regret as they lead to deep hurt that never heals.

So many good intentions can be misinterpreted as being judgements or opinions… So many words can be misinterpreted as being tactless, mean, accusing… Speaking up is worst than writing things down, as words often flow without the adequate structure… And have the added burden of tone and expressions… When I speak up most people think I am fighting all the time. My warrior speaks in commands and so certain of herself… As mercurial as I am there is no way to avoid being emotional in tone and expressions… And that translates to being bitchy. But a few have been there to witness how soothing my voice can be, so bitchiness is not an innate thing that always happens… It happens as situations deserve it. Is it my fault that most situations ask for it? I will not stand aside and do nothing if I know I can do something or say something about a matter…

Most people dismiss little things as unimportant, when in reality little things can be the most important because they completely deal with the question of who you are and who you believe yourself to be, and who you want to be. I am cursed with seeing the little things that matters, and so I must point them out. People live their lives in such hectic ways, taking for granted so many things… And it makes me think that if I were to miss the little things as a consequence of haste and ignorance, nothing would matter… because the little things were the most important things… Staying true to who you are is important. Living righteously is important. No regrets or fears or anger or choices should hinder who you are in the core as long as you do what is right… No one said that doing what is right is easy, or painless, or self-explanatory… As a matter of fact it is painful, it is difficult, it is mostly NOT appreciated by anyone human… And it can get really lonesome in the process… The world CAN and WILL turn against you. Nothing will be as planned, or as expected… But only one thing will remain: Truth with no regrets.

And so all I have is truth with no regrets… I’m sad, yes. I’m deeply hurt, yes. I wish things were different, yes. I wish I didn’t feel so lonely in this forsaken world, yes. But although I do not have anything material, or anyone really standing at my side looking with me to the future… I have peace of mind. I fight for dead causes, but they are worthy causes. I know who I am even if I don’t know my purpose. I am a survivor, and although I may not get all I want in this lifetime I know that there are plenty of other lifetimes to make up for this one. I am not happy, granted, but I am certain that striving for good against all odds will bring happiness in the end. Wherever that end may be.

Yes, I don’t remember the last time I smiled for a full day. Yes, I don’t recall careless kindness sent my way. I have been so lost that I’ve been looking up the definition of real love everywhere. My sadness brings me down to it. I think I have lost the ability to love, and it seems ironic because all I do is because of love… string-less, unconditional, perennial… My burdens are not just my own, and I don’t mind. I’ve always believed that whoever I love is part of me, and so their lives are part of me forever. Trilogy, Raven, Coriolis, and Groundel… Always my greatest loves. Auntie, my only close family. And when I get the thoughtless sentence “that is not of your business” it simply feels as a slap in the face, because my things are always their business and so their things are mine… because we are one… because love made it so… because our bond gives that right. So it is in my mind and in my heart. I cannot change that. So I cannot stop being hurt by those I love most. I’ve tried to conceal my all-emotions weakness, and it comes stronger than ever. Fate is fickle and has a good sense of humor… which I don’t.

“As long as there is light within, thou shall not fear darkness even if it engulfs you.”
-Nizzré Mrimm, Harpist of Eilistree

10-4

Staying

Alive?


Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a woman's man: no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm.
I've been kicked around since I was born.

And now it's all right - it's O.K. -
And you may look the other way.
We can try to understand
the New York Times' effect on man.

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,
You're stayin alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin' and ev'rybody shakin'
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, Stayin' Alive.

Well now, I get low and I get high
And if I can't get either I really try.
Got the wings of heaven on my shoes
I'm a dancin' man and I just can't lose.

You know it's all right, it's O.K.
I'll live to see another day.
We can try to understand
the New York Times' effect on man.

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,
You're stayin alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin' and ev'rybody shakin'
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, Stayin' Alive.

Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me.
Somebody help, me, yeah.

Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help, me, yeah.
Stayin' Alive

-Saturday Night Fever, BeeGees, Staying Alive

Brainless she-elf

The she-elf at work appeared at the main office while I was at lunch. It was nice to see her, but her news made me so sad… and angry!

As a background: Girl meets boy, boy dumps her, girl meets another boy, girl gets pregnant, girl lost child, girl discovers boy had a lover, boy gets dumped, girl has car accident and scorpion bite. Ok, now, girl goes back to the guy she had dumped and on the first night gets pregnant again. One month later girl is told the news, and that she must be at rest if she intends to go on with the baby… So girl has taken a 3-month leave from work starting tomorrow… And guy will be stuck with all bills and her for the next 3 months (if he stays…)… I never said that this she-elf was bright… Stupidity seems the main trait of common women in this island. This girl is just 18 years old, not studying, was lucky enough to get a permanency at a gov job… and is obsessed with having a friggin baby. All of which makes me upset and nauseous.

Why women are so obsessed with having children when they know that they do not have the environment required to raise them?

Why women want children when they have not finished studying?

Why women want to simply get married to “solve all their problems at home”?

Why women think having kids is such a beautiful thing, the only greatest thing they were meant to do in life?

Why women in the 21st Century don’t get the idea that having kids when you are too young, with no education, with no husband, with no certainty of what you want in life… is not ok?

Why women less than 21 years old don’t get the fact that they will be kids raising kids, that kids are not toys, that they need to have a future to be able to give kids a future?

Why women less than 21 do not protect themselves if they cannot stop the urge of being fucked (sorry but making love is not what is in their minds)?

Kids are forever. You never stop being a mother, not even when they grow up (then you have more things to add as friends, boyfriend, hubby, and more children around! Never ending story, people!). It is not a game. It is a responsibility that should be taken seriously, as the future of the world will be in the hands of our children. Bringing kids to the world (a cursed world as this one is!) is plain wrong if the only motive is an oops, but they are so cute… Are we rabbits? Are we cats? No. We are supposed to be the thinking animals, the ones who know what is good or not… the ones who should be able to learn from mistakes and work towards perfection… We are supposed to know that each child we bring to this world is an extension of ourselves, and so must be molded and taught with discipline in mind and kindness in the heart… and both are NOT easy tasks. How can a teenager with so many problems with so many conflicts in the head be certain she must have a child at all cost, to have a reason in life? Plain wrong.

I guess that by the standards in this island of loss I am a complete loser because I am not married, and have no kids, and I am a 33 year old hag. Kids seem to give you some kind of status in here… “Awww, you have no kids?”, they say with pity and utter sadness… As if women could only have that goal as a base of their living… The mean on this place is that girls just want to marry and have kids… find someone who support them and to dance reggaetón all night long. Great expectations… Where is learning? Where is instruction? Where is culture? Where is getting a good job? A house? A big dog? A pride of cats? Traveling? Success? No. They just wanna get laid and dance and have kids…

If there is alien life out there, PLEASE nuke us!

10-4

Snakes, spiders and cats

Seems that the utter boredom that I usually experience now has been displaced by a lovely concern... There was a slight incident last week on which a snake lost its precious life. No, I am not sorry for the snake... But I'm very sorry for my ass, as it will spend days or even decades in a place filled by these foul creatures (sorry setites everywhere... not in love with Set). Trying to find out more about the lovely fauna of my new house I started browsing some people who will be close to me when I move, asking them about snakes... Oh, yes... there will be harmless snakes, and add to that hairy spiders (which bite), scorpions (locally known as alacranes), and centipedes... The joys of being in the countryside... I'm terrifyed of spiders (and did I mentiones snakes and other creatures under the arachnid cathegory)... More than that, it's an unreasonable phobia that manifests leaving me without air, sometimes completely frozen, sometimes making me walk very slowly backwards and very much away from the critter in question... Woe of woes! How will I survive in such an infested land?

Never fear! Kitties are here! And according to some legends, cats and snakes hate each other because they consume the same food... so they try to avoid each other whenever possible...

My life depends on Michita and the gang... They are 8... They should be able to best anything!!! Do I feel better about it? Call it lack of faith... but... Hell no!

Just an addition to the string of curses that I acquired... And the cherry on top of the sunday... The light people did went to my house, say they put the light... It doesn't work, so either they did something wrong or the contractor's people did something wrong. Now to the quest of finding out... Lovely...

Send me a Great Spirit to take away this curse!!! Damnit!!!

It's not easy

being green...



It's not that easy being green;
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves.
When I think it could be nicer
being red, or yellow or gold...
or something much more colorful like that.

It's not easy being green.
It seems you blend in with
so many other ordinary things.
And people tend to pass you over
'cause you're not standing out
like flashy sparkles in the water
or stars in the sky.

But green's the color of Spring.
And green can be cool and friendly-like.
And green can be big like an ocean,
or important like a mountain,
or tall like a tree.

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why,
but why wonder why?

Wonder, I am green
and it'll do fine,
it's beautiful!
And I think it's what I want to be.

-Kermit the Frog

Thoughts

Mainly, the deep thought of the day...

What is life… but a coffin that keeps you very still while it drags you through hell and beyond, until you finally rot and vanish in the dirt… What is life but the greatest joke that has been played on us… May Death hurry and grant its soothing release, I have nothing left to live for in this cursed place.

Just truth, un-adorned. No space for being nice, or butterflies, or rainbows, or pixies… No space for hope.

10-4

A series of unfortunate events...

Perhaps being simply too stressed up to actually count my blessings… Seems that an ancient evil has risen and so it has cursed my life even more, to make certain that I know what pain is, period, by annoying me to death. And so the unfortunate events continue…


Monday
The idea was to get the car fixed, but Ito was not there. So, to Yauco Plaza and to wait for Raven who was to arrive in a second… or two… or three… or perhaps within an hour, or two… Get the point? A long wait, and so she appears with the Riddler. How cute. So, a small trip to a hardware shop to get some paint, and then to Ponce’s Mall to get completely annoyed. Whatever, long story. Let’s keep this short. Went back home, very tired from all the walking done… Loooong useless day…


Tuesday
Groundels birthday. Yay. Not much to do about it because of lack of fundings… Went to Raven’s lair, Groundel got in the pool with Ravens kids and it all ended with me fighting with Groundel over some old issues… Delivered him, but he called and middlepoints may have been reached… Sort of… And another useless fruitless day passed away…


Wednesday
The morning began with a recount of all the evil things I do for the fun of myself… Or so it is, according to Auntie. She delivered a speech to LS stating basically that I am a lazy ass that lives to be served and that do nothing else of worth… It bothered me, but the Guajataca Trails contented me. Upon arriving from the big adventure, little did I knew that chaos would be unleashed and I was to savor the cup of ultimate annoyance…

Auntie announced in her flamboyant ways that Uncle wanted to reach me, and so the speech of the bitch that won’t answer the phone began. No sense in actually acknowledging that she called all the wrong phones, not my cel… She ended up screaming at the top of her lungs all the descriptive things she said oh so politely to LS in the morning. So, to cool her off (oddly enough I was thinking of Animal Planet’s showing how to tame wild animals when they are deeply upset) I sprinkled her with water. As she turned to throw something at me, the whole glass of water went her way, and so my fate was sealed: I had dared to defile the shrine of an ancient rampage goddess, and so punishment had to fall over me. Flying objects, kicks and punches… Me daring to grab her hands so she would stop hitting me insanely only made things worst as she started screaming in top of her lungs that I was hitting her (WTF?) and that I would not stay another minute in the house.

So, the flying objects went to the outside, where she started throwing my stuff. Trying to ignore the tantrum I simply started to take things from the floor… Oh, the disrespect of that! Later on Uncle called, and her screaming only caused him to warn me that if we both did not stop it he would hang up. Things that makes you go hmmm… I confined myself to my room for a while, all the time she was making the front page on all important newspapers advertising to all what a bitch I am… She was to call my mother to come and take me away (that’s a BIG WTF!!!). I went out to put the car inside the garage, and a shower that began with me being a hypocrite and fresh and conscienceless began. I just put the car in, and went to entomb myself inside my room… I know she called my mother and my granny and other people… Whatever. Barricated the door because she can get really psycho, and tried to sleep on it… A pointless stupid thing that began with my uncle's need to reach me ended up with me being thrown out of the house... It gets better by the second... My aunt cursed me.


Thursday
Had to meet the guy that will do doors and windows for the house, so had to get off the house. My main concern was that, knowing my aunt, she would throw everything outside and close with different locks, locking me out… But, I had to go. Met the guy, Uncle was there too manifesting his machete in the way… 7 doors and moving a window will be $2,000. So that was the big ouch of the month. But, has to be done, I need security first before actually moving things over there…

Lady in the Water: Lovely movie, innocent, a bit refreshing, a bit predictable but entertaining.

At night the locks were intact, so I just sneaked in to take a bath and sleep.


Friday
I dared to have breakfast at home, doing everything myself… Gee, and I don’t just die, sorry Auntie! Still not talking to me, so I guess she expects me to be out by Sunday… We’ll see. Even Uncle wont move me out until there is light at the house and what has to be fixed is fixed… So… She will have to deal with it for a bit longer…

My intention was to start house cleanup, but there was no water. Pissed at that, wandered the mall in search of useful things that vanished because now I am cursed. Great. Went home, confined myself to kittyland and then to sleep. Another useless day had passed…


Saturday
The plan was to go to Yauco early to do my car… Foiled plan, because I keep forgetting I am cursed. The shock absorvers were not the right ones, so after all this time, had to go to WA to try getting the right ones. Because I am cursed there was none available, and so they will try reaching me during the week if they get them… So… Back home, since I was stuck with a keep pain… took a pair of pills and off to bed. There was a mild storm and I didn’t notice… Woke up at night, in time to go grab a burger and visit Raven for a bit. The exciting part was the cops blocking the way to Raven’s lair… LOL That was cool, but as usual, no one stops me… They must feel the goodness when they see my aura and they get so nauseous… Dared to arrive almost at midnight, and everything was deserted but with the right locks… Another useless day survived…


Sunday just arrived… Cannot tell how it all will end up today… I just know that soon I will go off to bed, under a pill spell that will last for 8 hours… After that, please say a prayer for me, so at least half of all curses are lifted, thank-u-very-much… I need peace and quiet to start working on Monday…


And this has been the series of unfortunate events that has been occurring in my small pathetic life simply to make it more annoying than the usual… Hurray, hurray… Sometimes just working and sleeping provides ultimate fun… Who knew…

10-4

Guajataca Trails

The week has been quite a load, in every sense... But I'll try to keep it pleasant, so here goes the only leisure event I have been able to accomplish in weeks. Enjoy!

The Journey
Oh, we all can be so innocent! LS was clever enough to convince the forest guardian to actually give us a trail map so we would not appear in Unsolved Mysteries. Little did we know that the trails were slippery filled with traps and spiders and annoying boy scouts... The way towards the target (the Caves of Wind) was 3.5km to get there... A small oasis in the way allowed for feet delight. The way promised to be long and to torture us with thirst and hunger... It delivered flawlessly. Oddly enough, we spotted a butterfly that after capturing its beauty on the camera, followed us all the way to the cave and then back... Guess that she wanted to appear on more pics, either that or she loved Groundel's perfume...

Arrival
Surprise, surprise... We got to the cave's entrance... It went down and I instantly disliked it because of the darkness it shed towards the outside world... I could only picture spiders crawling over me. But what the heck, after doubting the stairs'stability, down we went... The giant maw that greeted us was simply stunning!



Baby Steps
Oh, stupidity can linger even among gods... We were very willing to go into the cave... but we missed a small detail: We needed light to go deeper into the cave... Just beside the entrance, majestic roots showed off light and shadows... We dared to stumbled in the darkness with the light of a cellular. Somehow we managed to stand in that slippery floor, and went behind some cave rocks and stalagmites for some pics.

Left Side
Hmph! Under a cell light no one can really see what lies ahead... So we dared to follow the light into a safe distance. When the dark shroud completely blinded us we decided to take note on human instinct and return to the cave's entrance.

Right Side
There was what seems to be a rocky shroud of wall... darkness didnt allow us to go deeper into it. The floor seemed filled with water... Maybe an illusion. I just flashed the camera various times to get some cool pics (and if you stare long enough you will actually see a couple making out in the faraway side of the cavern... Umm... Sorry!



Outside
Well, here's a look from inside-out and then at the cave's entrance stairs, for memories... After the encounter with bat poo and natures's bane, we had to head back walking another 3.5km... On the way we took a different trail which featured the lookout area, from where the whole forest can be enjoyed (and a real pain to get there as it is up, up, up, and friggin up!). It was windy (Coriolis would have LOVED it) and nature looked... healthy? Anyway, this time we actually saw all the interpretative stations that we missed at first... Yay!

Farewell
After interpreting our way, and feeling compelled to navigate towards the nearest nourishing station (civilization in the name of the AVO, jejeh), we cheered as we conquered nature (after it screwed us... literally...) and lived to tell the tale...



Abadia, fumbled plan... Again we tried to go see the moat in Isabela. This tima the visiting hours had passed and Little John was guarding the place while listening to raegaetón and talking in the cel... Whatever... We were too tired to complain too much, so off to our hometown after a full day of woodland adventuring...

And so it was that the bard, the elf and the ugly travelled in search of fortune and fame, and returned with a beaten ass... Mother Nature, be proud!

10-4

And rain kissed the car

Midday. Set out the right means to perform the inspired task at hand... clean the car inside out. Vacuumed, clorox-sprayed the vynil rugs, got rid of mud and earth chunks, got rid of stones and trash, got rid of stickers that lost their luster, got rid of old murky tints. Ravage Plunderer lives once more!

Tired but not ready to allow defeat to numb the day... Groundel's pal Big John was around visiting the family (he now lives his life at Tennesee, passed through his hometown because of homesickness I guess)... So, we took him out for dinner at THE favorite BBQ chicken place... It was a damned ride. We arrived after battling insane motorcycles, clueless ambulances and nosy policemen... to find the ATM was not working there... So... The quest for the ATM shrine took us across the deserts and ponds and bayous of the island... Just when there was no hope, there it was... a savior... a haven... Gosh! Big John had to wait for his dinner for almost two hours... But the wait was worth it. We devoured everything and came back to deliver him to his foster home... He's leaving tomorrow, so it was pure luck we found him.

Big John is the only acquaintance from Groundel's past that I am always glad to have around. He's shown me he is not in for bullshit, a hard worker and a man true to his family and friends. Gotta love the big guy.

I'll see if I can do the shock absorvers/water pump change tomorrow during the morning... Lucinda wants to go treasure hunting in the afternoon, let's see if that happens. Guajataca thinguie should be on Wednesday if I do my car (the repairs, pervs!). LS has all the details planned, and it all sounds good. Hopefully, no weddings taking place at the moat... ;)

Tril tried getting in touch at a bad moment, as when I am actually working I completely dislike being interrupted. Well, actually what makes me insane is that the phone rings and rings and rings and noone answers, so I have to leave all I am doing to get it. It is plain stupid from the house dwellers... And it is also stupid to let a phone ring more than 6 times... Hello? Doesn't that tells you there is noone available at the moment? Geesh! I guess he'll be upset for some weeks now, that's what he does...

Gotta catch some Z's, over & out.

10-4

Two down, more to go

Spent the day showing my love for my feline companions... cleaning the whole room so they can breath freely, vacuum cleaning their tower of terror, and providing the greatest kitty pleasers: mandatory liquid of their preference,mandatory sleeping quarters, mandatory human slaves, and sustenance for a happy belly.

Work, work, work... At least the highlight was Mummy taking away the two burdens... She's gonna try actually getting a technician willing to fix it (because he/she will get paid for it or loves his/her job?)...

May checkout the house wherabouts on Sun afternoon...

10-4

Looong weekend ahead!

People who work at local government sites will have a long weekend, as next week has 2 holidays and it is cost effective to give the whole week free to government employees. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

What to do with all that free time! Literally, will have the next 9 days FREEEEEEEEE!!!
Cool, huh?

Let’s see the To Do List, to keep it in perspective:
Finish scrapbooking Animal Kingdom
Clean the car (honestly, it has been more than 6 months… whew!)
Try cleaning the house if there is water available
Check the windows/doors people
Clean the kitties room
Check/repair the dead pc’s so I finally get mummy off my back
Check/repair my pc so I don’t need this laptop at home

Hmmm… 9 days and all that stuff to do… Any fun things?

Groundel’s birthday is on the 25th
Coriolis said he would travel over here, let’s put some candles to saints so that actually happens…
Maybe the Guajataca thinguie can come true now?

Well, besides all this, trying to get Raven and Coriolis in scrapbooking mode. It would be great to have scrapbooking pals. It gets lonesome among the papers…

Working on the Hivequeen’s Lair site, so at least it has some new stuff to show. Created a dream log to keep track of… dreams? And may redo the Artiste site if I get bored enough.

10-4

The Wreck of My Memories

by Janice (B&B tv show)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Wreck of My Memories
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Forever my heart, and my memories sink
Into the depths of my woe.
Forever the light of the fire within
Burns with its terrible glow.

The joy I once knew is all but gone now,
For the only small bit that remains
Is the wreck of my memories sinking within,
And causing my terrible pains.

When will the rue of my lost love be gone?
When will my heart set me free?
When will the life that this poor soul once knew
Be what is was once meant to be?

Forever I'll cling to the shades of my past.
And always my heart will be lost
To the wreck of my memories, now below the fierce sea
Where once my love's ship was tossed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love the 80s

Monday was a freebie day spent doing things… Paying, getting kitty stuff, delivering lamps for checkup, driving, playing Sims, dining at Raven’s, and doing the inevitable mandatory fighting scene. Nothing of further depth…

Pirates of the Caribbean: I don’t know why I read reviews that tore apart the movie… People seem to loose the focus on this being a PIRATE movie, meaning it’s supposed to be FUN first, logical second… and still, it did follow a storyline that was simple and lighthearted but cool. The scenes at the cannibals place were hilarious. The fight at the moat was awesome. The Kraken was breathtaking. I loved Davy Jones. That scene playing the organ was… so Harlock-Phantom of the Opera-like! And the bayou… Oh! The bayou! I absolutely LOVED the witch! The hero take on Sparrow was really nice, and Lizzy behaving in a pirate’s way was believable. I just disliked the way she fought almost like Xena when she had no training whatsoever… but that’s actually the only fault I found in the movie. I found the ending was appropriate, and Barbosa’s return guarantees more fun. Can’t wait for next year’s last delivery!

Browsed some old comedy shows like Wings, Charles in Charge, Designing Women, Golden Girls, I dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, Wonder Years, Night Court… Wings was one of my favorites along with Wonder Years. Also checked some old tv shows that I used to kill for: Young Riders, Battlestar:Galactica, Fantasy Island, Bionic Woman, 6million-dollars Man and Lost in Space.

Ah, the good old 80s…

10-4

Sunday Sensations

Getting stuff here and there, overindulgent but some necessary evils are worth the longtime pain. Yesterday passed by El Calvo's to say hi. It was a long fruitless day in which all I needed to do couldn't be done... Today I've been in numb-lazy mode, so hope tomorrow the right places will be open so I can do the important things first thing in the morning... Yes, tomorrow is a holiday in this land of holiday crap... gov entities shall roam the isle to have fun either drinking themselves to desth or shopping spreeing their souls off.

Friday wasn't so bad after all. Meetings went well, travel went well and chit chat went well. Sunday so far has been eww... feeling eww, and wanting to do nothing else but stay on my bed surfing the net. Got a big headache and I'm insanely hungry... Kitties been roaming the two bedrooms, so they feel they have been free today... Hehe... FREEEEDOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM! Suckers...

10-4

Friday Frolics

The TuTV thinguie looks promising. At the end they give you a certificate, so it is worth the 2 and a half months of labor, starting in August 13. They decided that they will give two courses: Video Production (Sundays 5pm-8pm) and Photography (Thursdays 6pm-9pm). Not such a bad deal, I'm planning on taking both.

Gotta get the leather to complete the first lamp, hopefully the leather-place will be open tomorrow...

Still don't know if I'm going to Arecibo later in the evening, it all depends on Lucinda's communication abilities. The idea was meeting with Riddler, but I don't know if that will be possible... Anyway, she was planning a PotC gathering... Let's see how it all turns out.

The day is pasing too slowly... Not much going on here. System is down and since it all comes from the HQ there is nothing I can do but try being entertained... So, added and tweaked the sidebar of this lovely blog. Check the links, the ones for kitties are cool.

Need to contact UIA to check the courses I need to take as the PhD pre-requisites. Will try taking them at RUM so that goes cheaper... Hopefully things can work out now... My deadline for returning to college is next January. Now or never.

Eyes on the verge of popping out of their sockets...

Later kiddies...

10-4

TUTV and the Pirates are here! Wheee!

sing along...

Hi Ho Hi Ho
A pirate’s life’s for me!


TUTV will give some free courses based on either radio communication, theater, video or pictures… they will decide the actual theme based on attendance and their interests tonight at 6:30 at the Anfiteatro de los Próceres in CaboRojo. Jump in the wagon if you can, it’s a free thing! ;)

Found this place and fall in love with it. If you like landscapes and want to create your own, there is a free program for that called Terragen. Fetch it anf play with it. The site has samples of what you can achieve… Impressive, for any Nature lover.

Ok, the news flash is over. Me, being playing the Sims2 (yup, again… sorry, by now it’s the only thing that has me hooked)(I know what you are thinking, perverts!). Found some kitties blogs and sites that I will add to my links pretty soon. Nothing else of note, just me being very tired and very sleepy. Yesterday was a marathon… Tonight is the TuTV thinguie and may drop by Lucinda’s to get the lamp… Need the leather measurements to get it.

Oh, and tonight begins the Pirates of the Caribbean over here… well, not that I’ll be able to actually go… I just arrived to the office and I feel like crap, with a tiredness and sleepiness that can submit anyone… Maybe tomorrow or Saturday… Damn, that movie had me too excited to wait so long! Grrrr…

10-4

La Saga de La Abuelita

Jesus Christ! It’s incredible the stupidity of some people… My mother is a clueless clone, and granny, well… Runs in the family? I must be adopted, it is certain, as the same blood cannot be running through our veins.

4:30am I woke up. I knew I had to pick up my granny to take her to a doctor’s appointment at 6am. Cool. Whatever. Took a bath, ate, fed the kitties, and off I went to the sound of Dead Can Dance. Beautiful morning. Still dark and the moon was showing all her light… Nature is so breathtaking!

5:30am Arrived at grannys. I only had to open the car’s window to hear the ongoing fight… That house always has the same fighting soundtrack, or so it seems. As I realized that noone was going to notice my car’s honk because of the fighting inside, I breathed in and out and dared to approach the gates… And then the barks of the fight turn into words and sentences that made one fact clear: The medicare and other med cards of my granny were missing… again… Granny comes out, mummy comes out and then both are screaming their cases at me. I just said Shut up! They kept on and I screamed again Shut up! People! Sudden silence. As the mouths began to stir I simply went inside, upstairs and started looking. Plenty of useless papers. Five minutes later the fight went on downstairs… Ugh! Well, in the end the cards are still missing, but I found old ones that at least have the much needed numbers… Downstairs I simply went to the gate and called granny so we could go. Mummy stating that it was an useless action just going without cards… Well, duh, I know, but a least the ones I found would give some percentage to the chance of the meds actually accepting the patient…

6:05am Arrived to the office… Coincidentally in the same building that I work… How nice… And as we get there only one person had arrived. The place opens by 7am. Ok, now I just turned to granny asking why in blazes they made me get up so early. “Oh, the paper said early”. She showed me the paper… it said 7am. Grrr… Of all things I hate most, waking up early is one of them. I am not a morning person… So, breath in breath out again… Think of the moon and Dead Can Dance… Seated on the floor and the long wait began.

7:05am A cuckoo clock sounds from within the office, but it still remains dark. Only 5 people in line. My theory when going to see meds is go as late as possible, you will be on time anyway… Scrutinized the oil paintings of a lawyer office (tacky, tasteless crap)…

7:20am The office crew finally arrives. We all go inside (wheee o algo), and granny is given papers and asked for cards. She hesitated and I just took the papers, smiled, and asked granny to come with me seat down and fill the blanks. Took the papers back with the only card that was not dated. Oh, she needed the medicare card… who knew… I got the old card that I found and they accepted it (the numbers, the numbers!). In my head a big Jah! kept laughing for a while… So much fighting ever since 4am (that’s when their soundtrack began) to have silly me get a stupid old card that actually worked… Maybe it was just a witch’s good luck after a full moon bath… So… Left granny in the office, gave them my numbers so they call me when she’s done so I take her home. Piece of cake.

8:00am I already asked for the time out of work to deliver granny, they haven’t call but should do so in about half an hour. Now, it’s interesting how all of this proves the clueless brain of both mummy and granny. Granny had been calling me for more than 3 weeks to make certain I would take her to the med… but it was only 3 hours before doomsday that she decides to look for the cards… And then you have Mummy… Ugh! Headache! Headache! She simply cannot keep records of anything at all. All that she has around are papers and papers and papers that should land on the trash. No important papers in one specific place. If she knows Granny is clueless, she should have 2 copies of everything: One that she should keep just in case and one that she gives Granny. Is that so hard? Ugh! Migraine! Migraine! Just thinking about it makes my hair frizzy! Damnit!

I know I have a forgetful mind (thanks to Paxil), but that is why I write down EVERYTHING so I don’t forget, so I keep track, so I have evidence of things and actions and thoughts. When you have a problem it is common sense to simply work with it or solve it. The same applies to having a condition, to any environmental threats, to life. Life is about accepting challenges and doing something to be a fighter if not a winner. Sitting down simply to whine and do nothing further is fruitless and pointless.

I see Mummy doesn’t want to take care of Granny or Granpa… And she do everything possible to stir bad karma to everyone involved. That is bad, because although children should not be expected to be caretakers, they should be expected to show sensibility especially when that is exactly what they have received their whole life. If Mummy cannot do any house-sitting, then damnit, hire someone to do it. A nun could stay during the day, feed the old people, bath them, pray with them… Is that so much to ask for? Nights should not be so burdensome… It is in their demeanor that things get heated and fights keep on being constant. If properly fed, properly kept in health, properly cleaned, and properly entertained… it shouldn’t be so hard to keep peaceful nights everyday. Oh, but those are marathonic tasks for Mummy. She has so much to do… Right… I guess common sense is out of the question.

Whatever… Ghouls and goblins eat my heart out… Common sense seems to be the stuff that only gods and goddesses feed of…

Stormy weather, rain, floods, lightning, raging rivers… Cool stuff if you are very into Ravenloft. It was funny that the other day they interviewed the owner of a car that the currents took away. The lady’s eyes were puffed and I said “Damn, she really loved the car!”, then as she explained, she pointed out her cat was in the car, but it was safe now. Somehow that explained it all… Fuck the car, kitty was in there! That’s the stuff that drama is made of, worthy of being mentioned at Animal Planet’s news.

At work people from the capital keep doing things they should ask me to do, but since they keep on thinking I am a brainless entity of darkness they keep doing things themselves. Since January I have had no updates at all about what is going on in the friggin department… I hope I get changed from this crappy, rotting position. I don’t care if it means busting my ass off (bad choice of words) but I need to feel useful… Here it is a matter of so much talent being wasted…

And personal matters keep on being a rocky road. I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way. I’m not sour, I’m a demanding bitch. Deal with it or get off the ship. I cannot be nice when no one is nice to me. I cannot settle for less when I know I deserve all, and I know that people can give all if they only wanted to. I don’t expect a snail to fly, or an eagle to wiggle, or a scorpion to grant hugs… But I expect a snail to keep a certain path, and an eagle to fly high, and a scorpion to bite. It’s what they do. So, I know what to expect from certain people… some are slow but certain, others fly high, others bite… And I don’t expect any less of all of them, as long as they all give the hundred percent of what they got. And I know when that happens… or not. And when the not is certain, that’s when I get really pissed off.

I’ll keep on flying high. How about you?

10-4

To Scrap or not to Scrap, THAT is the question!

Browsing the online magazine of one of my favorite hobbies (scrapbooking), I found this article. It made me think for a while the reasons why I scrapbook... In the meanwhile, here it is for your own enlightment. The original buzz can be found here, at Article on Scrapbook Magazine


WHY I SCRAPBOOK: DOCUMENTING LIFE
By Nicole Stern for Scrapbook Magazine Chatterbox

"The answer to this question has evolved over the years as I have evolved. I use to love creating beautiful layouts for my albums with the latest and greatest products that just arrived at my local scrapbook store, but after a life changing accident a year ago, my prospective drastically changed. I now look at the craft of scrapbooking as “documenting life.”

I went from being a carefree 27 year-old woman to a traumatic brain injury patient in the ICU in a matter of seconds. Faced with a long road ahead of me, I was asked to keep a personal account of my recovery. I have kept journals on and off from my childhood, college and a trip to Europe but to actually write down my true feelings about such a traumatic event was something that I had never done before. I didn’t write…I hated writing…and to write something so personal that someone could read if they just looked seemed so…violating.

As I look back at a year’s worth of thoughts and feelings, I realized that my journal is a piece of me and the life lessons I’ve learned. These lessons are something I can pass on and if I didn’t, my stories would die with me…stories that could possible change my future generations. I have no idea who may need to hear something I’ve said or the way I said it. Hearing my story might be the one thing that gets them through a struggle in their life. Or, they may find comfort through my experiences.

Documenting one’s life story is fairly plain and simple. The most important part is the story. I start the process of my story by writing the thoughts and feelings that are in my heart and in my head down on paper. It could be the story of how I met my husband, something funny that happened during my college years, or a detailed account of a favorite vacation. And, remember to document and write down your stories of not only the happy, funny, joyful times but also those sad moments in life, the struggles, the heartbreak, because that’s real life. Now, I prefer to go to a past journal and read about past struggles or victories and scrapbook them.

Once I have my story or thoughts written down, the next step is deciding on the type of album. What size would work best? Because my focus is the story, my pages may consist of simply putting a picture with photo corners along with only journaling. In the end, I’ve created a meaningful album that not only documents my life at that moment but keeps it uncluttered and finished.

What is my intent with this album? What do I want to convey to the reader? Will my great-granddaughter find this album and read it 50 years from now? What will she think? These are questions I ask myself throughout every album project.

For me, the reason I scrapbook isn’t to look at page after page of professional quality photos and beautiful pattern paper and tons of embellishments. It isn’t about creating that perfect page time and time again. It isn’t about spending hours on one page. It is about the story. The story of my life. How my words can affect those around me. How my words and experiences can live on for generations to come. I want the good, the bad, and the difficult times to show through in my albums. For this is the most important reason I scrapbook."

Sounds like a damn good scrapbooking reason for me!
10-4

Devilette and blackouts

Weekend Review:

Friday: Long day at work, almost no thrill to kill the seconds… Thought I would vanish into the mists towards the jungles of Valachan but no… Home to replenish the belly and then to watch The Devil wears Prada.

The Devil wears Prada: Well, I have to say I felt like watching a spin of Betty la Fea. Of course, Anne Hathaway is far from ugly, she has a classy loveliness mixed with eyes that can melt an iceberg. She reminds me of Sandra Bullock in the beginning… Anyway, her “Andy” was credible, and fun. I felt the same way as her character did almost at the end, when she defends her boss saying “I wonder if she were a man would you still feel that way”. Loved the movie, entertaining and witty… plus fashionable… Hah! Andy kept the boots and the jacket! What a fashion whore! ;)

And it’s true, women in power are always on the spot, and regarded as being a devil because they succeed based on personal sacrifices… Most often than not they do have feelings and they do care, but people have a tendency to mix business with pleasure… a big mistake. It is the same as mixing friends and work, a complete no-no… Acquaintances at work should share camaraderie, but more often than not any relationship that leans towards friendship screws things up (especially in this island). And it’s all because friendship is misinterpreted as an invisible permission to simply avoid unwanted tasks… or being careless… or doing the things one prefers first… That’s why so many friend-on-friend partnership ends up in a big breakup that destroys the previous relationship… It’s a fine line most people don’t really get…

Saturday: If a day could be dedicated to cluelessness and boringness, this is it. From waking up to dusk it was simply… a pointless useless day. At least by dinner things got a bit more interesting. Passed by Lucinda’s Lair and played a round of Sims2 with Diego, under a tree. Then the biggest ebay adventure, and the hunt for the right wire. Watched how Lucinda battled the demons of the lost spears, as well as I got to battle a minion of my own 8-legged demons. Whee!

Sunday: No light since 7am… Woke up by 11something, and since there was no hope for a warm breakfast ran towards the nearest Meson. Wandered zombieland and got a few items needed for auntie’s bathroom. An old computers professor from RUM recognized me and said hi. I didn’t recall him at first then exclaimed in amazement that he had lost weight… The guy didn’t even wit for me to finish the sentence, exclaiming “200 pounds”. LOL That’s a wow! He looks younger and taller than I recalled. That’s to prove things can change in six years or so… Hmmm…

Passed by my house to give some water to the almost dead avocado tree, and to cheer up the other trees… Back home light made its appearance around 5pm. Engaged on a cleaning frenzy and left a spotless bath. The washer is officially broken thanks to yesterday’s blackout, so again it will be a long waiting for the repairman… It’s all been so lovely… At least got the message that one of the lamps is working (amen #1, two to go)… And then some head-aching ideas...

Monday: And here I am… It’s 8something, people are still arriving at work, surely so tired of the weekend… So far, no excitement and no news… The promise of a long day ahead…

10-4

Power of Two

by Indigo Girls

Now the parking lot is empty
Everyone's gone someplace
I pick you up and in the trunk
I've packed a cooler and a 2-day suitcase
Cause there's a place we like to drive
Way out in the country five miles out of the city limit
We're singing and your hand's upon my knee

So we're okay we're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We'll look at them together
Then we'll take them apart
adding up the total of a love that's true
multiply life by the power of two

You know the things that I am afraid of
I'm not afraid to tell and if we'd ever leave a legacy
It's that we loved each other well
I've seen the shadows of so many people
Trying on the treasures of youth
A road that fancy and fast ends in a fatal crash
And I'm glad we got off to tell you the truth

Cause we're okay we're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We'll look at them together
Then we'll take them apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two

All the shiny little trinkets of temptation
(make new friends) something new
Instead of something old (but keep the old)
All you gotta do is scratch beneath the surface
(and remember what is gold) and it's fools gold
Fools gold fools gold (what is gold what is gold)
And now we're talking about a difficult thing
And your eyes are getting wet
But I took us for better
And I took us for worse
And don't you ever forget it
The steel bars between me and a promise
Suddenly bend with ease and closer
I'm bound in love to you the closer I am
So free

So we're okay we're fine
Baby I'm here to stop your crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
I'm stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We'll look at them together
Then we'll take 'em apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two

When in Rome...

Vigilant, digilent, prudent, waiting for the right moment in time. Seems that there are still many battles to end the war. Tiresome, anoying, expected.

Neverland is the same and is completely changed. The sprinkles of magic still linger in the air, giving away that phantom glow that foretells many destinies. The mists have settled in, granting a brief moment of quietness as it brews new poisons.

No sun shines forever, no rain forever weeps...

10-4

Carnivale

Somehow the series go with the mood... Been watching the whole first season, and I am completely wrapped up into it. Love the idea and the way the story develops. 12 chapters, so basically been hybernating for more than 8 hours today... Then to recap on Pirates of the Caribbean,... Yes, getting ready for the second movie, sue me. Nothing else of worth... I thought everything would be closed today, being 4 of July, and turns out it was a normal business day... Go figure... At least us gov workers get the freebie day... Many free days ahead, so hopefully I can get a bit more into moving some stuff to the house if the contractor moves his butt about the doors and windows issue. There should be light by next week... If no hurricane strikes... Or more likely, if the guys find the way to my house.



I'm feeling introspective and ethereal. Not on LSD (I wish!). For now, I'll keep on the watching mode. Nothing like the anti-humans state, feeded by dark series that spread that joy... If only one could actually get some kind of powers... Nah... In my hands just a thought can be dangerous enough, keep away TK and pyro'. Cannot help it, but don't feel like writing much about it. More face-mail and I will definitively actually have an offline life...

Shit! I mean it literally! I just shoed away Isis and she farted on the monitor... Rotten tuna! And shit on my monitor! Ewww! I guess that's her opinion on everything? Damn cat! She certainly knows how to spread her love... (Hmmm, does this means I will get the Loto tomorrow?)

Ok... So now I have to clean up this mess... Ugh! And try going to sleep... Hope that people don't arrive too bipolar tomorrow at work... Not into being too polite...

10-4

The avatar speaks

Many lives, many different paths. But truth is truth no matter where you are, no matter where you stand. It may have different meanings for different people, but it stands its ground on its own. Recent events have shown me how fickle points of view can be, especially when they are molded by and for the eye of the beholder. It is something that I hope I can keep away from…

My greatest sin may be I am very opinionated. I know that. I try controlling that by being quiet, or by writing down everything I think so I can go back and read and make sense of all that happens. But there is a difference between my being opinionated and my taking sides with the black or the white of something. Although I am opinionated, I do let truth rule the outcome of things. Not just my truth, but the truth at it is. It can be quite irritating for me, difficult to digest, but I acknowledge truth on its own. I give voice to it, sometimes against my favor. There is no personal opinion involved on that, although my rage and tone may make it seem so. Just because I may be an “avatar” of truth, doesn’t mean I have no feelings or that I am not human. Quite the opposite, my being able to feel everything from the lives of those I care most, and fighting towards what is right, all that makes me very human.

Sense and sensibility seems blurred by everyday tasks, and I am not to take things for granted. The world is falling apart because people choose to be careless, to ignore the important things in life. Even the tiniest of things can make the big difference. Even the most insignificant of creatures can be responsible for the greatest miracles. Maybe if everyone saw the importance of not destroying the Amazon, or not hunting white wolves, or not killing whales, then the true balance of what humans are meant to do could be achieved… The greatest empires were built, and are still built, with a cement made of blood. Values have been lost from Pandora’s box, leaving Hope all alone… And Hope is beautiful, but by itself it can only bring a weak ray of light in an empire of darkness.

In a world where human nature is coerced into being a technological slave, or a follower of the gods of wealth and fame, everything that matters is stepped over. Knowledge is no longer the source of everything good, or a base for wisdom. Working hard no longer pays off, as the lazy and the joker are the ones that get all the money from the new slaves: the middle class. Old morals are laughed at, respect is shunned, honesty and loyalty stray from each other’s path. And each day someone stops believing in faeries, and a fairy dies.

I choose to see the world with innocence and wonder. I choose to let my inner child rule my heart and emotions, so I always know the perfume of smiles and the brightness of a warm heart. But my mind is ruled by the grown up, taking charge of what must be done and said, for the sake of my inner child. The child and the grown up are two very different entities, but both depend on each other… where one feels, the other knows; where one weeps, the other goes on; where one is defenseless, the other defends.

I may seem to be an emotionless raging machine that only sets out in destroying mode to take the soul of everyone around me and turn them into ashes, for my own diversion. It may be my own fault, for I have done so with true intention in the past to people that deserved no less… and whoever has witness that, knows how real I can be in terms of ripping out the weed from my land. I do not regard my friends as weeds. I do not keep many friends because I only keep the best, those who have been there through thick and thin, through the highest and lowest, through rain and sunshine. So if I ever call you a friend, be certain that I mean it because I do not use that term carelessly. Just because I pierce your life with a truth swarm doesn’t mean I think of you any less, it means I want you to see what is going on, to see that it is not ok, to shake you up so you do something about it. Everything that goes on in the lives of those I care about is my business. It is my reason of living. I am meant to be guardian and protector and to share knowledge and wisdom… to guide. It grants me nothing else in return… but the joy of watching you grow stronger, the joy of living your life to your fullest, on your own.

I know everything I have to know about who I am, and that may be why I may come so strong, as I do not doubt any of my beliefs. I do have empathy for humans, and that is why I can give them the solutions they need… That humans do not like or want those solutions is another story… and in that story fall their choices. I give my support and wisdom, and I point the right way, but you do make your own choices. I am there to say “I told you so” because I should have some fun, it should all not be so grim. I understand that mistakes make you grow, I’ve had my share, but when the number of mistakes grow in abnormal proportions it must stop. I cannot be witness to insanity and do nothing about it. I will always say what you must hear, not what you want to hear. It is my purpose in life, and a big responsibility as a true friend. And it doesn’t mean I belittle any of you, or think I am bigger than you are. It means: Get off the floor of dirt road, and keep moving, because you are not giving it all you’ve got.

Through the years I’ve been a silent guardian and warrior who simply takes care of business and goes on in her path. That was the way for the child when it was in charge. But now is in charge a woman that knows the difference between what should be said and done and what should be just watched politely. I have watched long enough. This was the outcome. I do not love you any less. I simply wish you would see the importance of truth and responsibility on even the smallest of things… You have let the world and its mundane ways take from you the wisdom to know many differences and the strength to make things happen. I am not perfect, I am far from it… but I strive towards perfection and give it all I’ve got. I don’t expect any less from you, because I know what you can give. It hurts me deeply to see so much potential wasted day by day… when I know you where meant for great things.

If you need me, I’m always there. You just need to turn around and see. I have always been there even when you have chosen so many times to ignore my presence… I’ll always be there. Because I love you. Both of you.

Groundel: I hope that you get better from your sickness, and everything else.
Lucinda: I hope you get better, in every way imaginable.

10-4


The weekend movie review:

CARNIVALE: Wow! So far seen chapters 1-4 and I loved it! Very X-files meets the circus... The presence of the giant is awesome, feels as if watching Big Fish... with more magical wonder.

Eight Below: Coriolis, this one is a must see for you. All you would do for your bitches. Nice story.

Zu Warriors: Ugh! Do not even bother (unless you are a Power Rangers fan, because then you will absolutely enjoy its corny special effects, acting and dialogue). Quote on Barbie: We girls can do anything! Sheeesh...

Weekend Ending Knots...

Discussed some things with the lady, none at all with the tramp. Hopefully, the lady gets what bothered me this time... The tramp... Well, not too much to say about that really... He has not cared much to straighten anything, and by now I see no way out of this one. I tried, and I was not the one who failed.

I hope the sun shines bright for everyone, and that good things come out of this chaos.

10-4

Does anybody really fall in love anymore?

by Cher

I walked down the street
People passing me by
They just look me up and down
But they don't look me in the eye
I'm just another stranger
In my own home town
Looking for an angel
But heaven can't be found

I say hey, are you lonely tonight?
Hey, hey, hey I'm gonna make it through
But that don't make it right

Does anybody really fall in love anymore?
Does anybody really give their heart to somebody?
Does anybody really ever open that door?
I know, I know you've got to love somebody
I know, I know I've got to find somebody to love

There's a sad face in the mirror
And I'm sad to say it's mine
Like a ghost up in the attic
Only love can set him free
I've been running around in circles
On this roller coaster ride
There's a lonely world around me
I get sucked in by the tide
I say hey, love ain't no crime
So why is everybody so afraid to cross that line?

Does anybody really fall in love anymore?
Does anybody really give their heart to somebody?
Does anybody really ever open that door?
I know, I know you've got to love somebody
I know, I know I've got to find somebody to love

Hey, hey, hey I'll be all right
'Cause I know that someone somewhere's
Gonna say these words tonight

Does anybody really fall in love anymore?
Does anybody really give their heart to somebody?
Does anybody really ever open that door?
I know, I know you've got to love somebody
I know, I know I've got to find somebody to love