Met NoName and his girl yesterday. The event took place at Borders, and they teleported to the Business section just as I found a book named Queen Elizabeth,CEO. I want to get that book later on. :D

Well, the couple is a thrill ride. She is into scrapbooking and knows most if not all the places available for that within the island. She's also very spontaneus and quick witted. And somehow has an ability to make waiters drool. :P

Anyway, they treated me to lunch at Chilli's, and then we went to the scrapbooking store here in my hometown. Oh... There I said hello to the french fries I ate before... Yup, threw up. We went to my small shelter so we could see the scrapbooks of one another... And then throwing up #2,3 and 4 happenned. Well... The burger looked kinda cute... Maybe it was just the way to send a burger to another person within Earth who was hungrier or something... First the bread, then the meat, then even the lettuce... yup, in that order. Gross, huh? LOL

The kitties were shy at first,but after a while they began to show their faces. It was funny to see how NoName was trying not to get cat hair in his clothing...ermmm... helloooo? at my place thats a true mission impossible! LMAO!!!

Ok... Nothing else to do, too late for the Zoo, so we headed to Rincóns lighthouse. It was ok, although the view was not to pretty because it had been raining before... At least the guys learned a bit about the Dome... Yup, Rincón, the radioactive spot of the West... Buahahahahahah...

Final stop, El Mesón. Some mental pictures of NoName jumping on the Dance machine were quite disturbing, but I managed to dig in a quesito. I got a spare one, in case someone showed up at home... Anyway, the outing ended with gasolina and goodbyes. :) Don't worry, Mommy and Daddy, you will know your island by the end of this year, promise! ;)

Arrived at home. Groundel was there, a bit sleepy by the looks of it... He seemed happy to see me... Gave him the quesito as a b-day present as I had no money to get anything else... He explained why he had not come the days before... And after some more talk he left. No, he still won't come back. He's very stubborn. He won't listen to what his heart tells him. And he's killing us both.

Today... Woke up as if I were going to work... Checked the net and Taz was around. Talked with him for a while, its quite a delight exchanging words with him. He is no dumb ass, as most males. Anyway... Cleaned up the house, dyed my hair, and here I am... Let's see what the night brings on...

10-4

Groundel didnt have time to come see me today... It was his birthday, and I waited the whole day for him... The whole day until now... I guess the celebration with his new family must have been something... Must have... For this is the first birthday in the time that we know each other, that we do not pass together... I waited like a foolish brat... All because I believed... So much for being so special... So much for the long talks and sharing... So much for our truth... I guess I am easier to forget now.

Happy Birthday. I love you. I waited.

10-4

Constitution Day. Havent seen the light of the day yet. Been sleeping-waking up, taking meds, sleeping... Last night Tril appeared with orange juice and guava-piña. Left it in the fridge, and left. I don't get it. Seems everyone is leaving food offerings for Gaea! Hmmm... Yup... Another goddess, not me. Either that or they are preparing me for Xmas... If I had known he would leave so fast I would have kept speaking with NoName. Oh, well...

I expected Groundel to pass yesterday night... at least to check on me... I guess he had his hands full with his friends and family. I am not that important anymore. An afterthought, maybe... Today is his birthday. I expected him to be here early to go out and celebrate as usual... As usual... Why I keep kidding myself? Nothing is as usual anymore. He has another place, another family. I am alone... Yeah, things get better allright...

Dont feel like writing more.

10-4

Strike a pose
Strike a pose
Vogue, vogue, vogue
Vogue, vogue, vogue

Look around everywhere you turn is heartache
It's everywhere that you go (look around)
You try everything you can to escape
The pain of life that you know (life that you know)

When all else fails and you long to be
Something better than you are today
I know a place where you can get away
It's called a dance floor, and here's what it's for, so

Come on, vogue
Let your body move to the music (move to the music)
Hey, hey, hey
Come on, vogue
Let your body go with the flow (go with the flow)
You know you can do it

All you need is your own imagination
So use it that's what it's for (that's what it's for)
Go inside, for your finest inspiration
Your dreams will open the door (open up the door)

It makes no difference if you're black or white
If you're a boy or a girl
If the music's pumping it will give you new life
You're a superstar, yes, that's what you are, you know it

Come on, vogue
Let your body groove to the music (move to the music)
Hey, hey, hey
Come on, vogue
Let your body go with the flow (go with the flow)
You know you can do it

Beauty's where you find it
Not just where you bump and grind it
Soul is in the musical
That's where I feel so beautiful
Magical, life's a ball
So get up on the dance floor

Come on, vogue
Let your body move to the music (move to the music)
Hey, hey, hey
Come on, vogue
Let your body go with the flow (go with the flow)
You know you can do it

Vogue, (Vogue)
Beauty's where you find it (move to the music)
Vogue, (Vogue)
Beauty's where you find it (go with the flow)

Greta Garbo, and Monroe
Deitrich and DiMaggio
Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean
On the cover of a magazine

Grace Kelly; Harlow, Jean
Picture of a beauty queen
Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire
Ginger Rodgers, dance on air

They had style, they had grace
Rita Hayworth gave good face
Lauren, Katherine, Lana too
Bette Davis, we love you

Ladies with an attitude
Fellows that were in the mood
Don't just stand there, let's get to it
Strike a pose, there's nothing to it

Vogue, vogue

Oooh, you've got to
Let your body move to the music
Oooh, you've got to just
Let your body go with the flow
Oooh, you've got to
Vogue

-Madonna, Vogue

You abandoned me
Love don't live here anymore
Just a vacancy
Love don't live here anymore

When you lived inside of me
There was nothing I could conceive
That you wouldn't do for me
Trouble seemed so far away
You changed that right away, baby

You abandoned me
Love don't live here anymore
Just a vacancy
Love don't live here anymore

Love don't live here anymore
Just emptiness and memories
Of what we had before
You went away
Found another place to stay, another home

You abandoned me
Love don't live here anymore
Just a vacancy
Love don't live here anymore

In the windmills of my eyes
Everyone can see the loneliness inside me
Why'd ya have to go away
Don't you know I miss you so and need your love

You abandoned me
Love don't live here anymore
Just a vacancy
Love don't live here anymore

-Madonna, "Love Don't Live Here Anymore"

Saturday: The day had drama, action, suspense, romance, horror, sickness and lovelyness. Ended up crying on my pillow… but then what’s new. I wish things were different. Things will get better… I wish I could believe in that as I believe in angels…

Sunday: I finally found some sleep around 4am… woke up at 8am to feed the kitties and have breakfast… went to sleep and woke up at 11am… so I went in a cleaning frenzy… ended up in a bath and lunch at 1pm, then again to sleep… woke up at 5 because the phone rang, then more sleep until 10. What a way to let go off a day… But I feel so tired, my eyes are sunken, my cough is anoying, fever comes and goes and I have no strenght to get up and drive… or simply to get up. Everything hurts, inside out, upside down, physically and emotionally. Oh, well…

Spoke with Mystica today. LOL Yesterday she saw me at the movies but didn’t say hi. Oh well, I don’t bite. :P So, we had a nice conversation. She’s cool. Mr.Noname was also alive and says he’s coming to my side of the island. Lets see if that’s true. Vet! LOL Whatever. I’m feeling moody and unfriendly right now…

Tomorrow, Monday 25th, Constitution Day. Also, Gruendel’s Birthday. Hopefully he will pass by so at least I can say I’m happy he’s alive… I miss him dearly. Wanted to give him a gift, but no cash until Friday… And cannot surprise him because I don’t know where he is anyway… On the 26th it will be one complete month since he left. It has been the worst time in my whole life, and I’ve had plenty of those… He says things will get better… I don’t see how.

Whatever…

10-4

The Island: Loved it. Nice take on clones. Ewan McGregor once again shows his versatile nature as an actor... Thats why he's my favorite. You gotta see this movie!

Ewan McGregor:
Childhood
Ewan Gordon McGregor was born March 31, 1971 and brought up in the "haggis and heather" town of Crieff, Scotland. In other words, Crieff is a small, traditional country town where Ewan enjoyed a happy childhood playing in forests, with horses, and performing Elvis impersonations for his parents and their friends. He caught the acting bug from his uncle, Denis Lawson, an actor who starred in Scottish movies (Local Hero) and West End musicals (Mr. Cinders) and was also in the first three Star Wars films. "He had long hair, beads and a furry waistcoat. I aspired to be as different as he seemed to me," McGregor says of his uncle.

Starting Off
At sixteen, Ewan left Crieff and Morrison Academy, where his father James is a Career Advisor and P.E. Teacher, to gain experience with the Perth Repertory Theatre. His parents encouraged him to leave school and pursue his acting goals rather than be unhappy. Ewan studied drama for a year at Kirkcaldly in Fife, then enrolled at London's Guildhall School of Music and Drama for a three-year course. Right before graduating he snagged the role of Private Mick Hopper in Dennis Potter's 1993 six-part Channel 4(UK) series Lipstick on Your Collar and left to pursue his promising acting career.

Lipstick did not turn out to be the success people had hoped for and Ewan was not turned into an overnight sensation like he had imagined. The phone was not suddenly ringing off the hook with offers so Ewan went from that lead role to the blink and you'll miss him role of Alvarez in Bill Forsyth's Being Human, which turned out to be a huge box office dud for the the film's star, Robin Williams. But hey, Ewan did get to travel to Morocco to film his couple of lines so it wasn't a complete loss. He followed this experience up by hopping over to France to play the lead role of Julien Sorel in Ben Bolt's major three-part BBC adaptation of Stendah's Scarlet and Black. Again, stardom eluded Ewan but that never really was his aim to begin with.

Breakthrough
And then came his breakthrough role as Alex Law in the brilliant Shallow Grave, directed by Danny Boyle, written by John Hodge and produced by Andrew MacDonald. Wicked, dark, hilarious, scary, wonderful: only a few words to describe this amazing film. With the cult success of Shallow Grave, came the opportunity for more work like The Pillow Book and the role that finally created the most attention up to that point for Ewan– Trainspotting, the second film by the Shallow Grave trio. Ewan starred as Mark Renton: heroin addict, hero, anti-hero. The film made waves for its brilliant and refreshingly bold images and for being sick, wacky, fabulously funny, visually arresting and completely innovative. Ewan was the heart of the film. Trainspotting introduced to the world a unique new talent.

Star on the Rise
The success of Trainspotting not only boosted British cinema but allowed Ewan more opportunities, adding plenty of diverse and varied roles to his resume: pigeon keeper Billy in Little Voice, coal miner and horn player Andy in Brassed Off, Glam rocker Curt Wild in Velvet Goldmine, kidnapper Robert in A Life Less Ordinary among many. Ewan also won the coveted role of the young Obi-Wan Kenobi in the three Star Wars prequels. His starring role in the innovative tragic-comic-operatic-musical Moulin Rouge as Christian displayed the ability Ewan has in taking on any type of role and making the character come alive in a way few actors can. Ewan's performance gained many fans and attention from the film world, garnering a Golden Globe nomination for Best Actor. Be sure to check out the Film section of this site for a complete list of all of Ewan's work.

Getting Personal
Ewan is married to French production designer Eve Mavrakis. They met while working on the TV show Kavannagh QC, where Ewan played a young man accused of rape. They married in France in July of 1995 and have two daughters, Clara Mathilde (born in February of 1996) and Esther Rose (born in November of 2001). They currently live in London. Whenever possible, Ewan takes his family with him on location for each movie he makes.

Ewan owns several motorcycles and is involved with a racing team in England. He has quite the passion for motorbikes. Ewan has stated in the past that he is a huge fan of Oasis and had the pleasure of announcing Oasis' act on the 1996 MTV Video Music Awards with Ewen Bremmer (Spud from Trainspotting) and gave out copies of their 3rd CD to members of the crew while filming the first Star Wars prequel. Despite playing a rock star in Velvet Goldmine, he still has dreams of being one. Starring in Moulin Rouge gave Ewan the chance to sing once again. But don't get him wrong, Ewan loves acting and can't imagine doing anything else. He also claims he would never move to Hollywood or back to his hometown as it is not the same as when he was growing up there. Ewan is very close to his parents who have accompanied Ewan to premieres and his older brother Colin, a RAF pilot. His mother Carol has a cameo as one of the would-be tenants in Shallow Grave. She helps handle Ewan's busy schedule and fan mail. Carol is also involved in a program in the UK to offer descriptive audio tracks of movies for the visually impaired. Ewan visits Crieff whenever he can. He's made trips back to Morrison Academy to give a lecture on acting and to participate in the annual Crieff Highland Games. Ewan is also actively involved in numerous charity organizations and causes, doing his part whenever possible.

One thing to be sure of, Ewan does not want to make films he wouldn't watch himself. He chooses his roles because of the director, the cast, and the script. Sometimes, the film doesn't turn out the way it started off. In taking chances, Ewan has taken on roles in films that might and have failed at the box office. He took a risk in forming a production company with good friends Jonny Lee Miller, Sean Pertwee, Jude Law, and Sadie Frost called Natural Nylon which they hoped would make innovative films that they actively participate in and care about. Ewan starred as James Joyce in Nora, a film he co-produced with Natural Nylon's involvement. He recently left Natural Nylon in 2002 however, due to lack of time. He also dabbled in directing a short segment of Tube Tales that Sean and Jude were also involved with. Ewan, in fact, shared an apartment with Jude when they first started out as struggling actors in London after meeting at an audition years ago. They are all part of the recent resurgence of British cinema, with Ewan well on his way to establishing himself as an actor with a long creative career ahead of him unlike any other.

(From the site www.ewanspotting.com, dedicated to him, duh!)

Filmography:
Television
Lipstick on Your Collar (1993)... Private Mick Hopper
Scarlet and Black (1993)... Julien Sorel
Doggin' Around (1994)... Tom Clayton
Kavannagh QC, "Nothing But the Truth" (1995)... David Armstrong
Tales From the Crypt, "The Cold War" (1995)... Ford
Karaoke (1996)... Young Man
ER, "The Long Way Around" (1997)... Duncan Stewart
Nature, "The Polar Bears of Churchill" (2002)... Himself
Solid Geometry (2002)... Phil
"Long Way Round" (2004)... Himself

Theatre
What the Butler Saw (1992)... Nicholas Beckett
Little Malcolm And His Struggle Against The Eunuchs (1998-1999)... Malcolm Scrawdyke
Guys & Dolls (2005)... Sky Masterson

Short Films
Family Style (1993)... Jimmy
Swimming With the Fishes (1996)
Desserts (1998)... Stroller
Anno Domini (1998)

Feature Films
Being Human (1993)... Alvarez
Shallow Grave (1994)... Alex Law
Trainspotting (1996)... Mark Renton
Emma (1996)... Frank Churchill
The Pillow Book (1996)... Jerome
Brassed Off (1996)... Andy
The Serpent's Kiss (1997)... Meneer Chrome
Blue Juice (1997)... Dean Raymond
A Life Less Ordinary (1997)... Robert Lewis
Nightwatch (1998)... Martin Bells
Velvet Goldmine (1998)... Curt Wild
Little Voice (1998)... Billy
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)... Obi-Wan Kenobi
Rogue Trader (1999)... Nick Leeson
Eye of the Beholder (1999)... The Eye
Nora (2000)... James Joyce
Moulin Rouge! (2001)... Christian
Black Hawk Down (2002)... Ranger Spec. Danny Grimes
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)... Obi-Wan Kenobi
Down With Love (2003)... Catcher Block
Young Adam (2003)... Joe Taylor
Big Fish (2003)... Young Edward Bloom
Stay (2005)... Sam Foster
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005)... Obi-Wan Kenobi
The Island (2005)... Lincoln Six-Echo
Stormbreaker (2006)... Ian Rider
Untitled Peter Capaldi/Ewan McGregor Project (2006)

Voice work
Faster (2003)... Narrator
Robots (2005)... Rodney Copperbottom
Valiant (2005)... Valiant
Gnomeo and Juliet (2006)... Gnomeo

Other credits
Tube Tales, "Bone" (1999)... director
Nora (2000)... co-producer

Unconfirmed/rumored projects
Flora Plum (2005)... Jake
The Hellfire Club... John Wilkes
Untitled biopic... Billy Fury

The Land of Opportunity… So many view the United States that way… The escape that promises to at least make a decent living while enjoying the skills you’ve got… Well… I have nothing against people’s desires to cross the border… It just is plain funny that we would do anything to go there and they don’t really want us there…

Porto Ricans are good as cannon fodder at wars, and along with other Latinos they are the first ones that are placed in the front line in combat simply because of the heated aggressive Latino nature. Seems gringos are too pampered and weak to be placed on the first row… Or seems they are considered too valuable to be wasted… We all know the effects of war on people… The soldiers at WW2, the soldiers at Vietnam… the ones at Kuwait… Maybe survivors made it, but their lives are changed forever because they were part of murder, and although you kill in self defense, the clash of duty against morals is quite heavy. Nothing that the government rewards to the soldiers can make up for their dark experience… The act of giving a flag to a family so they remember their son/daughter died in combat, for the sake of so-called freedom is like a laugh in your face…

How many times the theme of the political status arises? Being a commonwealth sounds soooo passé… yet that’s what we are… Porto Ricans in turn have lost their true identity. We are considered an alien country when it leads to political advantage… But then we are considered a state because hey… we do a great part in important things because the people from PR are very well educated and are very intelligent. There are portorricans at NASA. Our scientists are the best… The quality of our work is outstanding. True, there are lazy asses that gives us a bad reputation… The funny thing is that the good people who studies and work and grow are the ones that are ignored when making judgments BECAUSE they don’t scream or dance “perreando”. The US doesn’t want us as a state, but they do need us as a source of human capital. We are quite talented, they know it. But they also fear our culture so that may be the main reason for racism.

Racism… You would think, of course! Gringos are racist towards those Negroes! Well, actually they are racist towards anyone who is related to the isle. White Latinos have more than once gone through that process when they mention they are portorricans. I know I have been a victim of racism, and I am not coal black. It angers me that such ignorance exists… Being coal black or ivory white should not be a base of judgment. Race has nothing to do with attitude, interests, personality. Maybe culture influences a person, as well as family shapes your outlook in life… but the color of the skin is vain… I pity those gringos that may be accidentally burned in a fire, for their skin will stop been ivory and will show red… The same red that shows through a Chinese’s skin, or a German’s skin, or a Latino’s skin, or a black’s skin. We are all a book of blood, when we are opened up we are all red inside.

Cultural differences should be treated as an opportunity, not as a treat. Latinos bring warmth to any gringo environment. We bring colors and tastes and music. Sure, we are loud to gringos’ standards, but the loudness has a myriad of shapes. Sure, you mention Latinos and you think salsa, meringue and bachata. But hey, stop and acknowledge that there are Latinos that hate that music and enjoy techno, industrial, alternative, gothic, classical and world music as well. The mixture of German, Spanish, Portuguese and African blood that all portorricans share is perhaps what makes up so open towards other races and cultures, perhaps that’s what makes us unique… And sadly, many people from this small island has forgotten that those roots are within all of us. We are a balance of ideas and shapes and changes… Unique and beautiful.

A pack of bad apples should not be allowed to be the basis of accepting what Porto Ricans are. Our small island has many things that makes us big, that makes the world look at us even if for an instant. Even our natural wonders reflect our diversity and our roots. We have the longest known subterranean river within the Camuy’s caverns complex, we have the perfect naturally shaped mountains that host the Arecibo’s observatory. We have a rainforest in El Yunque, and a dry forest in Guanica. We have bioluminescence in Vieques and Lajas. We have natural thermal waters with healing properties that even United States President Roosevelt seek out in Coamo. Our beaches enchant every tourist because they are really alive, showing colors that go beyond description. Damnit, people! This island is RICH, is BEAUTIFUL, it is UNIQUE… And its people can be hellish, but they can also be the ones that points out miracles in scientific and technological advances.

So… I say that the land of opportunity is right here, waiting to be explored and deployed. I believe a few can change the destinies of many. I believe that we cannot allow ignorance and hate and misunderstanding to win… Sure, we can go and shine anywhere else… But that’s no real challenge if you truly think about it. The challenge is here. And even if perhaps the cash is not the reward, the reward comes in the shape of personal satisfaction, making a difference, harvesting the seeds you sew.

For the record… I do not believe in being independent. I do not believe in being a commonwealth. I do believe in the ideal of being a state. But I also see that the leaders that rule right now are worthless. Being a state means an equality that US won’t give because it is not in their advantage. And finally, the brain chip of “Spanish only” is hard to remove from some Portorrican human hard drives.

Wow... now THAT's a rant! LOL
10-4

Haven't we met
You're some kind of beautiful stranger
You could be good for me
I've had the taste for danger

If I'm smart then I'll run away
But I'm not so I guess I'll stay
Heaven forbid
I'll take my chance on a beautiful stranger

I looked into your eyes
And my world came tumbling down
You're the devil in disguise
That's why I'm singing this song

To know you is to love you
You're everywhere I go
And everybody knows

To love you is to be part of you
I've paid for you with tears
And swallowed all my pride...

Da-da-da-dum da-dum da-dum da da da-da dum
Beautiful stranger
Da-da-da-dum da-dum da-dum da da da-da dum
Beautiful stranger

If I'm smart then I'll run away
But I'm not so I guess I'll stay
Haven't you heard
I fell in love with a beautiful stranger

I looked into your face
My heart was dancing all over the place
I'd like to change my point of view
If I could just forget about you

To know you is to love you
You're everywhere I go
And everybody knows

I looked into your eyes
And my world came tumbling down
You're the devil in disguise
That's why I'm singing this song to you

To know you is to love you
You're everywhere I go
And everybody knows

I've paid for you with tears
And swallowed all my pride

Da-da-da-dum da-dum da-dum da da da-da dum
Beautiful stranger
Da-da-da-dum da-dum da-dum da da da-da dum
Beautiful stranger

-Madonna, Beautiful stranger

Oh, stupid situation about gasoline! How come a small bunch of truck drivers on strike can create such havok and the government is so mild about it? Well, what to expect... All of them deserve to be burned in oil! Damnit! I won't... repeat, I won't go in a stupid line for more than 10 minutes just to get gas. I rather spend my days walking everywhere. People are unpolite on normal days, imagine how they are now... Even during hurricanes people are not so... compulsive... irrational... illogical... Aint Macondo GREAT?

Yesterday Tril called me at work during the afternoon. He was saying he missed me in an oh-so-sweet way. It could have worked a year ago. Sorry, Tril... But I repeat, call me when you grow up. I cant and wont accept a 3rd or 4th place in anyone's heart. Why? I simply dont feel like it.

Today... My office looks organized (yes, have a heartstroke or at least make an Austin Powers leap... It IS organized!). I'm suppossed to throw a cable and move some pc's... My sinus is getting worst by the hour. Last night slept 6 hours (yay!), thanks to a co-worker I have my medicine pills for diabetes (thank you Eunice!) and the Agua de Azahar really REALLY works. Even a big bad roach didn't disturb my cool last night... LOL...

Plans for tonight and the weekend? Well, for tonight I just have to drop the movies that Joe rented on Mon. Will probably go home and do nothing else... For tomorrow there were plans but don't know if they will be disturbed by the Gasoline Incident. Oh, that would be a pity, I really REALLY wanted to visit Caguana. :( Anyway... Lets see what unfolds...

10-4

Yesterday spent the whole morning and afternoon throwing boxes of computer stuff from the top of the mountain they made, made inventory of all of them, a list of all damaged stuff and sent everything to a guagua. It should have all shipped today at SJ. Finally, I can actually MOVE in my office… Arrived fairly dead at home. Took a long bath, then browsed the net for some natural versions of pills I need to take… Could not pay anything because my Paypal had access limit… Seems someone tried using it, second time. Their security is very good so far.

LightShadow invited me last night to go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. So, took some agua de azahar and went with her at 10pm. By midnight, we were out. It was a funny, sarcastic movie. LS was hungry, as well as one of her friends from work, so she treated us to Dennis. They both went with a big breakfast. I was not in hunger mode, but handled a simple sandwich and French fries… I say handled because I was in pain, plus very sleepy from all these sleepless nights, plus tripping because of the agua de azahar… Who knew? If I had known it would have such an effect I would have taken it weeks ago. I just recall going home by 2am, and falling uncontious until the clock’s alarm startled me. I almost cried… Finally, slept 4 hours in a row! That deserves a Wheeeeeeeeeee!

Today, installed two PC’s so far, created an account for the director, and finally got access to make payments I had overdue. Sooo… I hope to get everything by Sat, so I can be back on track emotionally and physically. I need sleep, so I ordered Valerian pills. I need to take some stress out and be happier, and read that a natural answer is Inositol… Will try both. The bitter melon for my diabetes is on its way too. Yipee! Yes, I rather take natural pills that have NO SIDE-EFFECTS and no addictive effects than to go get more chemicals inside my body. I’ll monitor the experiment to see if things work out fine.

Low tide. Calm. I will go home today, burn some incense, take agua de azahar, and go to sleep very early. I need to get at least 12 hours of rest… No news from anyone else. Not feeling too social anyway… All I know is I need rest. Morphine, anyone? LOL

10-4

Una noche de resaca
al tratar de despertar
noté que por el ombligo me empezaba a desinflar
que mi cuerpo se arrugaba
como un papel vegetal
e iba pasando, que curioso, al estado gaseoso
y tras la metamorfosis
me sentí mucho mejor
era un aire gris oscuro y con bastante polución
se notaba en cualquier caso
que era aire de ciudad
que si bien no es el más sano, lo prefiero al ser humano

Aire, soñé por un momento que era aire,
oxígeno, nitrógeno y argón,
sin forma definida,ah ah, ni color
fuí aire,he he, volador.

Como yo soy muy consciente
hasta en esta situación,
decidí ser consecuente con mi nueva dimensión
y probé a ser respirado,
por la que duerme a mi lado,
sin entrar en pormenores, yo sé hacer cosas mejores
como no me satisfizo
la experiencia sexual,
se me inflaron los vapores, me convertí en huracán
dí unas tres o cuatro vueltas
y a la quinta me cansé
este cuarto es muy pequeño para las cosas que sueño

Aire, soñé por un momento que era aire,
oxígeno, nitrógeno y argón,
sin forma definida,ah ah, ni color
fuí aire,he he, volador.

Y lo siento por mi novia
y el cristal que me cargué
me escapé por la ventana y en picado me lancé
pero tuve mala suerte
y cuando iba a remontar
me volví otra vez humano no falteís al funeral

Aire, soñé por un momento que era aire,
oxígeno, nitrógeno y argón,
sin forma definida,ah ah, ni color
fuí aire,he he, volador.

-Mecano, Aire

Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who takes you there
hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who cares
they
they betray
I'm your only true friend now
they
they'll betray
I'm forever there

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true

You
You're my mask
You're my cover, my shelter
You
You're my mask
You're the one who's blamed
Do
Do my work
Do my dirty work, scapegoat
Do
Do my deeds
For you're the one who's shamed

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
You know it's sad but true

Hate
I'm your hate
I'm your hate when you want love
Pay
Pay the price
Pay, for nothing's fair

Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who took you here
Hey
I'm your life
And I no longer care

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
Sad but true

I'm your truth, telling lies
I'm your reasoned alibis
I'm inside open your eyes
I'm you

Sad but true

-Metallica, Sad but True

Slept one hour if you call that sleeping… I’m falling apart. Came to work out of willpower, but don’t know if I can be of actual help on anything… Raining… Dark pretty day to find death in any corner… Bah, not even it takes me… Feel nothing… better feel rage than nothing… Gotta pin myself with needles to see if the numbness go away… Kitties broke some crystal thing, no real damage done…

The Crying Game: Oldie but goodie… Why is it that old movies have more interesting plots than new ones? Hmmm…

About notes:

Everyone is very mistaken on matters of what I need or what I want. I am not a heartless icy bitch with an iron heart. And what may be seen as tantrums are nothing but the pieces of me melting at the sun's presence. Do not try to measure my needs by your standards, because my needs are based on feelings and emotions, and them both are very alien to you. So your exhibits are not valid in this situation. You don't get it, do you? This toy is broken beyond repair... The attempt to bring in reality into the dephts of my conscience failed. I'm lost, and not even you can see that. Pity may come from lovers, not you. I didn't request that of you. A scorpion could be something else, but his nature shows even in dreams... Bad timing. Bad context. Bad show of force. Sting of the scorpion...

Serial killers and me... the perfect combination.

Today's Quote

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.

-Morris West

Is this a coincidence or what?
10-4

He said "They will someday realize that they didn't know what they were doing"

And she said "Have you considered the possibility that they actually KNOW very well what they are doing?"

Many lives, many possibilities... But when you do something out of complete belief in hurting those you swore love to... you know what you are doing. Regret is the highest of prices. Do not fall into that realm.

Ok, so it seems that some people actually do not get that yes I can get angry with THEM and without taking out on THEM anything else that is happenning in my life. It is ironic, taking me for granted comes so easily to those that claim to care so much for me… to those whom I consider family. My anger is not misdirected, quite the opposite. I take what they give, but how about giving me some time in the real sense, as a real friend? Sometimes I feel like I am just an imaginary friend. I have no need for kindness. In these times of trouble I have not seen a hand to help me get off the ground. So yes, I am angry. And anger leads to many things. I’ve been off paxil for a week now, and although I’ve been highly emotional I’ve also been balancing every act. And I have been able to unleash the anger that I have inhibited for so long. Don’t claim to be my friend if you cannot at least come to the trouble of seeing my face once every three months. Don’t claim to be my friend when I ask of you a favor as family and you turn your back on me because everyone else is more important NOW than me. Don’t claim to care for me when you constantly put me down and give me a 3rd or 4rth place in your life. I am an afterthought. I am the entertaining center for only when boredom strikes is that all of you people remember me. My despair has not called your attention. You have all left me to bleed on my own. Not even an act of charity… Not even out of pity or mercy.

I know all your little minds, I know all your little thoughts and actions… You think so much of yourselves to actually believe I will go on a rampage against everyone just because I can. No. I have reasons. I have years of reasons for every action I take, for every word I speak. So you don’t like my bitter tongue, fuck you. If you are not strong enough to take all of who I am, you don’t deserve to be around the air that I breathe. I am no victim here. I chose to be kind and gentle and polite and nice and even a bit naïve, out of strong feelings for each and everyone of you. Turns out you all view my emotions as my biggest weakness, my sensibility and compassion as a big flaw. Well, I may be sensible and compassionate and emotional and empathic… but I am not stupid. I am not blind. I see all of you for who you are, for whom you want to play the part, the characdes and double lives you live… You all lead lame lives simply because you are not yourselves in happiness or pain. You have all succumbed to humanity, to what people are, to the norm… You all have dismissed your uniqueness and individuality in exchange of money, recognition, and false idols. In the way, you dismissed your soul. All of you. And in my madness and insanity and anger and what you may call rampage, one thing is certain: I am true to myself. I am who I have always been. I haven’t changed my outlook in life, I haven’t sold my soul just because it is more comfortable or leads to material goals… I may have the loneliest of paths, and have no true friends left… but I am myself everywhere I step, everywhere I stand, everywhere I fall and go up again… I have nothing to regret, I haven’t been bought, and I keep on growing if not in the material aspect at least in the spiritual side. You all have become ignorant and weak, and fear what you cannot understand, and spurn me because of that. So be it. I have nothing to prove to anyone, ESPECIALLY you! The three of you deserve each other. Embrace yourselves.

Newsflash people: I am not the problem. Each one of you are.

10-4

The Gift: Powerful acting by Kate Blanchett. Loved it. Esp and suspense. Oh, and a bit depressing. Higly recommended.

Boogeyman: Got tired of watching by the middle of it... 'nuff said.

Fear of the Dark: Not bad, not good. Middlepoint... Iron Maiden's song is much more spooky.

The Shining: Duh! Jack Nicholson. Lovely evil grin. Jack... cherry on top of sunday...

Cirque de Soleil La Nouba: It can only be described with expressions: Wow! (gasp) Wow! It proves humans can do anything... Loved it! Higly recommended!

Illfated attempts to bring Discord into the realms of reality were the display of the day. It all swirled in torment, anger, and so I keep on being slashed again and again and again. But no more. It is in their psyche that tormenting a shadow makes them strong. It is a pretention from my side to think I am so important for all of them, friends and exlovers. I'm a fool for believing and trying to make dreams come true. They all have shredded my belief in them. They all belong to each other. No one has shown compassion for me. No one has stood by my side if only to make me stay on my feet. Everything I have received has been words thrown at me like daggers, piercing my heart and killing my soul. Everything I have been shown is that it has been a parade, a parade in which I have been mocked and laughed at... no mercy at all.

A minion of God's compassion came to me today. An unlikely messenger that did what no one else has... been there with no judgement, and simply holding me for some seconds. It is true, only God is merciful. Only He grants strenght to go on, only His ever presence never leaves you alone. And although His minion went away as suddenly as it arrived, the memory remains bringing a slight smile to these dark days of loss and confusion and death.

___________________________________________________________

I follow the night

Can't stand the light

When will I begin

To live again?


One day I'll fly away
Leave all this... to yesterday...
What more could your Love do for me?
When will Love be through with me?

Why live life from dream to dream?
And dread the day
when... dreaming... ends

One day I'll fly away...
Leave all this... to yesterday...
Why live life from dream to dream?

And dread the day when dreaming... ends...

One day I'll fly away...
Fly,... fly... away

-Nicole Kidman, "One day I'll fly away"

I was a fool to believe . . .
A fool to believe. . .
It all ends today. . .
Yes, it all ends today.

Today's the day when dreaming... ends.

Not much to say. No one has been around... No one close, friend or foe. Last night another fight... The night before, more bitter tears... No understanding, a hardened heart... And this is all death in life. Silence... Out of words.

Thursday: Had a work reunion in San Juan. One of my co-workers is the new Director and the reunion was smooth, to the point. He can do a good job. Thumbs up. I checked openings on HR but no convocatories yet. I'll be pendiente, I want to change my position to one in Marketing or HR or special proyects. We'll see.

No news about the house, will check today in the morning. I think I need a quotation on gabinetes so I'll contact someone for that during the weekend.

Kyonnene is getting go of his masculinity today's morning. Now he can be officially gay. Wheeeeee! Cyric is next, next week. 40 estacas, but they do that plus give a vaccine against parasites and against rabies and viruses. It's worth it. :) Gotta try to take Michita and Roxy for the same vaccine treatment as well. Gotta ask how many years one should way for nex round, so I get Isis, Crow, KAli and Set to take reinforcements as well.

Batman... The movie was perfect. It followed the way the comic spins the tale of Batman's origin, and Gordon was depicted flawlessly. Very cool. No stupid sex scenes. Loved Ra's and Scarecrow. The scene in which he calls his "reinforcements"took my breath away. Just as depicted in so many covers on Detective Comics. Awesome! A MUST see!

Gotta work on a logo for someone's business, maybe I'll start my freelance work with this... Whatever. We'll meet tomorrow to take care of details and to show her some ideas to see which she likes.

Have seen Gruendel Wed & Thu. He sticks to his staying away decision... We've been eating out and visiting Kmart and Pep Boys. And last night we went to see Batman. It's difficult for me to visualize everything from the freinds perspective... I can only be a good sport and play along even if I completely dissagree and dislike it. So... At least we are talking and having fun. The days I haven't seen him or that we haven't met are so boring! Speaking just to kitties ain't funny at all.

Payday! And already everything is gone! Wheeeeee! But it doesn't matter. Who needs money, really?

10-4

Made changes to my Hivequeen site. Check it out and let me know if you think its useful. I still have some additions to make to it, but basically everything that interest me is there. www.geocities.com/hivequeen2000 The link is in the sidebar, just click the Hivequeen icon. :)

This day seems like a busy one... We'll see. Yesterday made some calls about the house matter. We will do things as we were, and file in for the Llave help aid. Then we must wait for THEIR decision on how much cash they will aprove. Happy happy joy joy... Hopefully it will be more than 9 thousand, thats just the limit of the amount I need them to aprove. Fingers crossed. If it is for me, it will happen. If not... a nice voyage in December will be scheduled...

Tropical storm on the horizon... may be a hurricane... only God knows. Emily. Hopefully it won't cross the island... It's bad timing for such a thing...

10-4

Night. Mute. Missing. Tired. Angry. Desperate. Breaking. Empty. Lonely. Alone. Begginning. Ending. Silent. Quiet. Stillness. Death. Change. Dream. Faith. Gone. Love.

Always Love...

Always.

Los suspiros son aire, y van al aire.
Las lágrimas son agua, y van al mar.
Dime, mujer: cuando el amor se olvida,
¿sabes tú adónde va?
-XXXVIII,G.A.Becquer

Mi vida es un erial:
flor que toco se deshoja;
que en mi camino fatal,
alguien va sembrando el mal
para que yo lo recoja.
-LX, G.A.Becquer

¿De dónde vengo?... El más horrible y áspero
de los senderos busca.
Las huellas de unos pies ensangrentados
sobre la roca dura;
los despojos de un alma hecha jirones
en las zaras agudas,
te dirán el camino
que conduce a mi cuna.

¿Adónde voy? El más sombrío y triste
de los páramos cruza:
valle de eternas nieves y de eternas
melancólicas brumas.
En donde esté una piedra solitaria
sin inscripción alguna,
donde habite el olvido,
allí estará mi tumba.
-LXVII, G.A.Becquer

I need more time than what I expected, because things are not working out well. Someone thinks that playing just for friendship is an easy game, and its not. Everything gets to me, everything hurts in every way. I gave it a try. From constant presence to this is almost unbearable. And to know everything was a lie is more than I can bear. My best friend, you cannot help me this time, because you are the source of my pain... and I cannot open my soul to you because you get enraged... You think I am attacking you, and I am not... How can we help each other this way? I wish feelings had a switch, so I could turn them off completely. But they are a big part of me. And right now, I am at a loss... I never expected such a lie from you... I build everything around that lie... Now, I have to internalize a truth that seems so alien, unreal... I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what can survive from this. I don't know how much time will be enough... I just don't know...

Phantom of the Opera: Powerful voyage that I loved dearly. Coriolis was right once more, a striking movie... The misic leaves you on the edge, and wanting more. Although it is sad... Why can't anyone fall in love with the scarred? Why it is such a tale in almost every movie? If I had a Phantom in my life, I wouldn't hesitate to be his. But I guess thats just me, the weird one.

10-4

Movie review for this weekend:

Dark Water: Sucky movie. A bit of suspense, not horror! Why they keep calling mild suspense horror! Damnit!

Inmortal:Egyptian mythos meets futuristic world... sort of... Bast plays monopoly and a horny god wants to leave a child before dying... Interesting, but the mix of live action and CGI doesnt work well.

Alone in the Dark: If I wanted to see an alien I would rent Alien. The creatures are not demons, just a bad rip-off of what an Alien is... Slow motion action movie, weak plot and bad acting... They could have done something better... Worst than QotD.

Infection: A japanese horror flick. In the tradition of how they portray the illnesses of society... A hospital from hell, in which ethics turned dirty ARE the real illness... Cool flick. Highly recommended.

Phantom of the Opera: Will see it tomorrow, but have to say this... I felt insulted when the guy at the video store told me "This is an opera". I said u-huh and he repeated the same sentence. I said I know and he said "Well, since you have 3 horror films... just letting you know"... Ok... So basically, based on our appearance I cannot like operas? Gimme a break!

Washed my hair. Caressed my kitties. Relax-release. I am not trying to be a drama queen here. I just pour my soul here whenever I am angry, sad, frustrated, pissed... even sometimes you can get some happy remarks if you browse carefully... But since my mood the last 2 weeks has been the pits, people... bear with me. I am not suicidal, I am not neglecting myself, I am taking care of my kitties, I'm working and I am continuing my projects. I am not stale or stuck in self pity. I just say what I feel because that is who I am, and in here I can write what my soul feels... and put the words that my mouth dare not say in the proper way... Here my thoughts take a concrete shape, and ideas that were blurred become real. This is my therapy. This is my psychiatrist. This is my psicosis.

I dont hate Groundel for being honest, or for leaving my roof, or for going on with his life without me. But I have a right for complaining about it, 7 years give me that right. And if I feel this is a wrong decision, I have to say it, I have to SCREAM it: THIS IS WRONG!!!! There... And no, I dont feel better because I just screamed it... it solves nothing... but at least I release that energy from myself when noone else can hear me... Because it seems no one can really understand why I am like this... Because it is so hard to believe that YES, I DO LOVE GROUNDEL! SO WHAT! I travelled to try patching things up, which didnt work... And I have put up with many things to try to make things work... But... It takes 2 to tango, and if he doesnt think we can make it THEN we cant make it. ANd GROUNDEL, THIS IS A BIG MISTAKE!!! But, ok... I can be my bipolar self, be proper and nice and polite... No one will ever love you as I do. But of course, you already know that... Anyway... I am your friend forever... Just understand that I dont see you making this decision out of your on will... Somehow others press you into this... And thats what I hate most.

On with the show. I will smile. I have nothing to regret. I have much to do. I wish for love... true love... someday knocks at my door. That matter is in Gods hands, as I will not look for it. I'm tired of looking. I will go on a long hibernation... so I try to heal... and hopefully I will wake up to the truest Spring of my life. I dont know where I am going from now on... But I am fightress and so... I stand to defy the storm. Let it come!

10-4

How I feel, as of today? Alone with myself, with my feelings, with the truth that I still dismiss as a nightmare… Playing charades ain’t easy, because I show what I feel regardless of circunstances. Blunt show off of the strings that are no more is insensible and thoughtless… I get hurt too often for my own taste, although I try to numb emotions and just go with the flow… It is hard… I’ve been asked to accept that what was was a big nothing and it feels unacceptable… irrational… wrong. All I can think of is Why and although my logic says forget and go on, my heart says it cannot be, that it is all lies that he believes himself, that he’s been turned against me by those who hate me. I find no more explanations within my self. I feel lost, and this sickening bleeding wont stop… In letting go, the thorns have taken more than just blood… they have ripped the skin, tearing it from muscles and bones… In letting go, I have killed my heart. I'm expected to smile in spite of tears, to play along as if nothing happenned, to stop feeling because it is as easy as triggering a trap... I'm expected to forget cofee in the morning, playing with the kitties, cuddling up to watch some anime or play the Sims, taking goth pics just because we felt like it, driving through the isle because we could... I'm expected to erase all these years of starting sentences that he ended, of starting thoughts that he predicted, of guiding plans that he executed... I'm expected to be there because I am as strong as a mountain, as maleable as water, as free as the wind... Underneath it all I am fire... and fire is voracious, constantly raging, constatly fueling its thoughts and dreams and desires... And when fire must be contained, it ain't easy... it usually ends up in a fatality... As right now. Some words hurt more than a thousand actions. Some thoughts will never be, as some dreams simply faded as nevermore... Growing old together... The safe haven we shared... The promises to be completed and sustained... The commitment that was broken... I am expected to swallow up everything as it never happenned, as we start from that lovely voyage in which friends decided to help each other... These 7 years never happenned... The tears I have shed never happenned... The love I gave without boundaries never happenned... The truth I gave without thinking twice, never happenned. This is how I feel... as the last years of my life have been mercilessly torn away from me, as they were dissipated without a second thought... I feel I was nothing. I feel I failed to see bare truth in my thirst for belief. I feel used and thrown away as an old toy that lost its luster... I feel abandoned to my fate, because of no other reason but selfishness, because it is very comfortable to run from problems instead of solving them. I feel I was not important enough, I was not woman enough,... I was not enough...

I am to shed tears that only my pillow can caress away. I am to hold on to my shadow and comfort myself with my endless love for me. I am to find strenght from my convictions and dreams and actions... But how... I feel so weak... I feel so battered... I am to cry at night until I have no more tears left, to scream silently until the sound deafens my senses, to bury myself in the world so my corpse can feed the worms and be no more... I want to be no more... My last dissapointment.

Do not even dare to ask how I feel, because I will hit you... I will hit you with all the strenght I have left... And I will draw your blood and feast on it. So in your final seconds, it is me who you see, it is me who you feel... It is me whom you belong. Forever.

10-4

Been trying to solve issues at work and about the house. Why is it that whenever things are lay out simple and clear something ALWAYS happens to make things for me utterly difficult? I mean, in my life, EVERYTHING has been a struggle for me. Nothing has ever come easily or as a reward for my efforts… I know that perhaps it is too much to ask, but why cant things go smoothly just for once? Am I asking for too much? Yup, misery loves company.

I’m slowly falling in place with the current situation. Make lemonade with the lemons. I’m still a bit shaken and shedding hair… but I know I can survive anything. I feel nothing anymore. Seems that what I thought was real was a mirage. Nevermind the drama. Another disappointment for the record. I gave a deadline for things… it’s still on. I know it myself, and that’s enough. I suspect that there’s more to just thinking things on the other side. My trust is lagging again, and the toll of so many days is starting to dig a grave. I thought that at least for one person I meant the world… I was dead wrong. Still waiting, for answers, for a renewal of hope… But each passing day those probabilities get thinner… For whom the bell tolls?

Need a decent sleep… but I guess I can only get THAT when I die. Keep waking up every hour. That sucks. You wake up in the morning even more tire than if you slept 4 consecutive hours… Another weekend approaches… Hurray, hurray… At least the kitties will be happy with the company.

I'm horrifyed about the London bombing. Last year it was Madrid... And there's a menace for Denmark and Italy. Sometimes it seems safer to live in a small spot in the Caribbean... Why so much hate? Why so much destruction? Isn't it enough with the natural horrors like the Tsunami to take so many innocent lives? How can killing be justified as an order from God? It makes me wonder if they REALLY read the Bible, because in any continent... any race, any belief, anyone with common sense even an atheist can tell that if you read the Bible it talks about a God that is just, a God that is LOVE. No nation is better than the other. We are all One. Earth is so small when compared with so many planets, with the Universe! People, don't you know by now? LOVE is the way! Love is the ONLY way!

10-4

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion -
Is nothing new
Flashback - warm nights -
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after -

Sometimes you picture me -
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said -
Then you say - go slow -
I fall behind -
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look - and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows - you're wondering
If I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time -

If you're lost you can look - and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting
Time after time

You said go slow -
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds -

If you're lost you can look - and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after...

-Cindy Lauper, "Time after time"
Dedidacted to Groundel The Ugly, with love.

It is a conspiracy so I don’t sleep. I finally closed my eyes around 2am, and after getting some z’s for a while I felt something in my face. In my dream state I pushed it away, my unconscious self always assuming a cat is around… But I also felt small tiny legs. I woke up suddenly, thinking it was a spider. As I turned on the light, I spotted the intruder. No, not a spider… A big roach. The mother of roaches! I was so disgusted, and mad! My minions spotted the intruder at once, and set themselves on destroying mode. Agent Michita was the first one to persue and strike, hitting the target on the spot. Agent Cyric and Kyonne followed, torturing the victim, dismembering it, until it was no more! Ok, yes, so I enjoyed how my kitties saved me from the big bad roach… So what! Hmph! Well, needless to say… no more sleep… (shrug)

Called Groundel yesterday. He’s alive. Still with ghosts in his head, but alive. Haven’t heard from Coriolis, hope he wasn’t abducted in Ponce… Lucinda mentioned she would appear at home but lost the way… And auntie is still the best cook I know. :D

I’m beyond zombifyed by now… Slept a little, around 2-3 hours each day… It’s an improvement, sort of… Still, I’m VERY tired. Need to catch z’s… but the world doesn’t want me to… Only the good die young…

10-4

Monday. It's been 7 days and 8 hours, but who's counting. Finally took the advice and stopped calling/trying to see me... If he's gonna take such vacations from me it should be all the way not halfway. Anyway... I honestly hope this will be over soon. It is killing me slowly. I absolutely hate not having him around. I miss him dearly.

On Friday LS woke me up to go see War of the Worlds. The movie is viasually stunning, keeps you in the edge of the seat with a feeling of hopelessness... It is ok, but it should not have been called WotW because you just dont get to see the war actually happenning. Tom Cruise's acting is lame ( I persnally think that the only character in which he deserves praise is Lestat). The girl steals the show. And the movie has absolutely nothing to do with the novel. Besides the facts, it's good way to kill time. Much better than Queen of the Damned.

On Sat had the brilliant idea to get some scrapbooking pages... As I did, I left my car's keys inside the car. So... It was an odyssey to get the keys out. 3.5 hours later I got a hold on Lucinda, who drove me to my auntie's to get my spare key. Ok... That was as much excitement as I could handle at the moment... Went to see el calvo so he would get a look at the chandellier and tell me if it is ok. When I arrived home I realized I left my purse at el calvo's home... Ugh! Will try to get it back today.

Sunday I slept a bit during the day (all these days I've been sleeping just 1-2 hours and it's starting to tax me). Went to get some food at auntie's and then headed back home. Didn't felt like handling people, and still feeling nauseous. Scrapbooked until the wee hours of the morning since I had insomnia, again.

Today... I'm supposed to go help the owner of the house paint some unpainted evil spots, so it doesn't look so bad when taking pics of the place. It should be on the morning (yup, that explains why I am here at this time). I should be back home in the afternoon... don't feel like going anywhere, will go to the house painting bash because it's a duty...

Feeling: Sick, nauseous, weak, tired, sleepy. Got a headache, my eyes bother me, and cant eat/drink anything. Emotinally I'm still feeling awful... hurt, isolated, with no understanding of reasons or why... anxious, stressed...

I have many things to do. The problem is I dont feel the will to do anything. Why wont you stop this torment? Ahhh! Whatever.

Nevermore.

10-4

Friday. Beginning of July. Feeling completely mad. Days are passing way too fast for my own taste, my lack of sleep is leaving me with too many mind blanks, and circunstances are disturbing and sucky. I am drained, tired, jaded, fed up, hopeless, zombifyed... I wish he would stop the nonsense and would just go back and face things as he should, not just running away. The easy way out is never the right way out... He is letting days pass in a way that will hurt us forever. And I am suppossed to keep belief in friendship and hope and the like... I've got no illusions left within me. And hope can only be kept with faith and belief... A no-win situation, perhaps... I wish things would not have gone this far, especially thanks to a random event that had no deep meaning. Stubburnness, false freedom, lack of insight... it will only lead us to our doom. But he doesn't see that. He doesn't even think that. Death is inminent.

If I had wings I would go to the lands where Earthmother would nurture me and grant me the warmth of her open arms... If I could breathe fire I would burn all enemies once and for all. If I had the power to wish, I would wish for love. But fantasy and reality are such different things!

Hollow... Empty... A void of dreams and will and thoughts and shades... How I miss the bliss of your presence... the certainty... the strenght... Running in circles is the worst fate that any being can have... And so a pathway towards eternity is spoiled...

10-4

In my office, finally, after the long forced “vacation”… Not much has happened in here. I got to take away all the boxes and equipment since all this dust affects me. Besides that, nothing else of importance.

Got to find 3 quotes for remodeling the house, hopefully by tomorrow. Will help paint what is not right in the weekend. Hopefully, the matter will be done by July.

Groundel will not come back for a long time. It is very unlikely that he will return. His feelings and his thoughts are not with me. He thinks we are too different, and he thinks we have no common ground. Time is the only one that knows what will happen… I guess this is as good as it gets…

Tril called yesterday but I said nothing about everything that is going on. He doesn’t deserve to know. Let him rot in his lies and thoughts.

I feel tired, sad, betrayed, weak… I came to work but can’t move too much because I get dizzy and I’ve had almost no sleep. The sleeping pills didn’t work, I woke up each hour… The lack of sleep is taking a toll on me. And so I’m tired and it shows. Mentally I am destroyed… But I know the show must go on. So… I carry on… I will get the house. I will try to get a part time for the weekends. I will take care of my kitties… And I will take a big break from everyone. I haven’t been alone in say… 15 years… It feels strange. It feels even surreal.

Anyway… Been scrapbooking. The masochist in me wants to finish the first scrapping project that I begun… So that’s how I’ve been killing time. While I’m at it I’ve laughed and I’ve cried… And I see that even if things were bad there were many good things worth the time… worth the effort… Nothing is ever perfect, but we did have a home. Sadly, it’s only my opinion.

Games... I dont know if we will play again. I dont know if the guys will show up or stick around, they were just starting to know us. I dont know if we can cope with a few hours playing without thinking of reality... It is too soon to tell...

Whatever.

10-4

Groundel took his things and went away last night. Its been 2 nights without him at my side, the first 2 nights after 7 years... I waited yesterday for his return until 7am. By then I realized he would not come back. Last night he passed by to get some stuff. He says he needs a break from everything to clear things in his head, between us, in his life... No words I could say were enough. No tears I could spill were enough. In less than 24 hours my heart was killed twice. This seems more than I can bear...

I feel dead. There are no other words to describe it... Dead. Lonely and alone. Buried within 4 walls that act as my tomb. A beautiful mausoleum I built slowly... How fitting...

Thanks to LightShadow and Joe for being there.
Thanks to Coriolis for listening and calling me a bitch.

I am a song waiting to happen... Even in death, I still wait...

Weak. Trying to heal... Trying to make sense... Trying to put the jigsaw together... Blinding rage... Trilogy did his last big deed today. And Gruendel is nowhere to be found. Alone. As I was in the beginning. As my destiny demands.
10-4

The past week has been as if I passed the gates of hell and was locked and chained to a rock... I have only been this sick two other times... the time when I was in a hospital for a whole week and was on the edge of dying... The time when I was alone in Carolina and I spent a whole week without getting off the bed and without been able to communicate with anyone because I had no phone, no doctor, no friends... This time it has lasted three weeks. I've had medicines, I've had a phone... And just when I needed those I love the most around me, just when I am here, so near... Nothing. That week alone in Carolina didn't hurt my spirit as much as these 14 days in my so called hometown.

Nothing much to do besides beeing feverish and watch old reruns on DvD. I went back for a whole week to 20 years ago. I remembered the thrill of watching that show, one hour each week... How I managed to get off my room unnoticed, and get to the living room, and turn on the tv so low that the voices were just whispers... 2am on a school night, ah... and that was perhaps the most wicked thing I did back in my childhood... Sneaking out to my living room just to watch a show that molded my dreams, my writings, my image of how my true mate would be... Beauty & the Beast. A simple, not so simple story... A reminder of what love is, of how it should be grasped and never let go of... A reminder of how strongly you shoud fight for it when you find it, a reminder that love goes beyond life, beyond time, beyond death. I embraced each word as I did back then when I knew nothing of love and I could only dream... How different all the words sound when you know you have tasted them in truth... And yet... Deep inside... It remains the same, the young child who knew nothing of love and who still years for her faceless knight in shining armor... for the one that would fight for her and be hers forever even against any odds... My dream... And thus, my inspiration... And so, I long for a white rose that will never caress my face again... And I bleed red roses as I am reminded of everything in between the lines... I'm dying. My heart is dying. And although my body seems to finally accept healing, my spirit keeps dying... And I am left with no words to explain... And I am left with no music within my soul... And I am left without a candle to guide my darkness...

May I rest in peace.

I was in Emergency yesterday. After some tests turns out I have a Sinusitis virus. The doc gave me the prescription and I got the meds... Back at home, kept coughing like crazy and the runny nose and fever are driving me insane. Its been 3 days without sleeping thanks to the nonstop coughing... Nothing helps that. Last night tried to get through the night watching Beauty & the Beast (the old tv series)... That had almost no effect, the coughing kept going, I keep sweating like crazy, fever wont break and I want my MTV!!!! Ok, I'll try getting a hold of myself... Coriolis called but couldnt speak to him... I see no improvement in the healing department... El Mamut se Jodió... Today so far Ive not been able to lay down and sleep because of the coughing which is increasing... I need to have breakfast but thanks to the coughing I vomited the juice I drank so I aint so confident on eating... And I am suppossed to go work tomorrow... Right...

At work, finally. But that doesn't mean that I am well... I am "putrefacta"... Itchy eyes, runny nose, sore throat, headache, sneezing... Augh! Oh, and fever... last night it was all about fever... I don't get it. The virus just doesn't want to leave me... Groundel is still sick as well... Whatever it is, it came from Fl and it keeps on screwing our lives! I will go to emergency after I get off work today. Maybe they can find out what the heck is so wrong with us.

At work... The big boss is on vacation, the place is a bit empty, and plain stupidity broke two printers. Waiting for an answer on what to do...

I started a blog for Streeya since she's a herald and keeps on scribing in the adventure. It should give some credibility to that side of the character, plus it can serve as a chronology of what is going on in the adventure... of course, from Streeya's point of view. I listed here under AD&D characters on the right column.

I'm beyond hungry but can do nothing about that... Hopefully Lulu will share part of her meal with me, if she is as compassionate as usual. :P Lucinda's dog Cleo is on the edge, she's been sick for some days and will be taken to the vet this afternoon... Another pet disaster for Lucinda... I'm certain she must have eaten something poisoned meant for the cats... Her neighbors are such bastards... I wonder what would they do if their hildren were poisoned... Because animals are like children. Whoever do something bad to an animal, can do anything bad to a human.

Anyway, will drink a medicine and hope that I don't collapse into Ether.

10-4

Last night's game was good. I finally got to play within the others timeframe... Next meeting will be in Cabo Rojo, probably on Fri because I foresee this next week will be rough for Groundel and me. I start my work-comeback tomorrow and I woke up today as sick as the first day... Neverending story, it seems. I am drained and the sore throat is bad... I guess I am to embrace becoming a lich or something... Groundel's sickness has grown from bad to worst. Medicines are not working... I will get today the "mejunje" that I drink when everything else fails... If that doesn't work... Shoot me!

Happy Fathers Day!

Saturday. Damn hot day. I would be singing Good Morning Vietnam if I were over there... Gosh, yes, looks like summer! If nothing goes wrong, should visit my aunt during the afternoon and should play AD&D at night. Maybe tomorrow will visit El Calvo if I get money for the gas...

Meanwhile, here's a look at my favorite ride at Universal... Damn hot day as well...

I was not good company yesterday. I’m trying to mute frustration, anger and helplessness and it turns into unleashing me in a raw, insensitive self. I’m jaded, and have no patience for things that are not of my taste… My tolerance has been tried so many times that it is only a thin line now… I don’t mean to strike… it happens. I cannot shut up, I have a mind and a voice and I will be heard. I was transported by some simple words into the past, where no matter how right I was I was told to shut up as if my opinion didn’t count, and I hated it. It’s a shift that I cant help because its certain tones and certain words that makes me turn to that time, and blinds me. I have this ongoing thoughts that just because Im a woman I am not taken seriously. It may or may not be true, but the thoughts are there and its difficult to keep a neutral attitude with thoughts like that lurking in the mind. It’s no ones fault… It’s my past, my experience, and the voices.

So I act as I think and talk as I think and that can get messy… Lucinda calls it been passionate about my ideals… I guess she is either right or too polite… but then she is one of the few who dares oppose my point of view and yet keeps smiling when she sees me… I guess she understands my inner storms better than I know them myself… Guess she understands my imperfections and let go of them, trading them off with all the good things I am and I believe. LOL It takes twenty two years of knowing someone to accept that person as a whole with the good and the bad… Thanks Lucinda.

Getting paranoic doesn’t help either. This idea that something wicked is coming my way, from everyone around me, is not good… Feel jaded, people has failed me too often for me to keep belief anymore. What can I say… I may be good but I am no idiot, and some things I just let pass because I care… and my caring consumes me.

Whatever…

Friday… The week is over. The sickness wants to prevail, but is slowly receding. I am getting a bit better, a bit stronger… Lets hope I just survive myself.

10-4

Thursday. Singing the song, it should be s-o-u-p day... Actually, soup would be nice... I dont feel like eating much... Called work and everything is ok. I'll call retiro in the afternoon to follow up on the house thing. May do some scrapbooking... depends on weather. Gotta visit my aunt and get some of her magic soup...

I feel sad, deeply sad. On the edge of feeling kinda betrayed, but since it is something I cant ever be sure of, it stays on the edge... Things not going as I expected, how strange... As always I feel hurt... Gotta take more Paxil and forget about everything at all! I wish there could be a new beginning... But a new star? In my life? At this stage? That's a big laugh... Who would like to get involved with someone like me? Gotta be someone reallly suicidal...

Forget spells... Where are they now?

10-4

Its Wednesday... This week the doctors orders are stay away from your office, you had an upper respiratory infection that was more serious than you thought and stay at home resting and getting completely healed. So, no, I wont be going to work on Thu or Fri. I'll just rest and scrapbook a bit and enjoy whatever devilish plan the days offer.

Yesterday met two very interesting guys, whom we shall name Capeman and Demo. They will be playing AD&D with Groundel and me, hopefully for more than 2 months. I definitively was blown away by all the novels they have devoured, and all the information they keep in their minds, especially Demo. It is nice if someone knows Dungeons, but it is a very rare encounter finding a person who reads the novels and puts events based on the novels events. Thats way cool. I hope that there are no misunderstandings or issues... Capeman is goofy and very amicable, extroverted, gothic oriented with a hint of sk8 and surfer, and with lots of personality. Demo is very open, aproachable and has something interesting to say all the time, he knows his worlds, his rules, and roleplays just as even Coriolis would like. I really liked this guy's attitude, and since I relate on the basis of people fearing one just because of rumors I just can't see why would anyone be afraid of him. Well... It's me speaking... I'll never be normal... LOL Whatever.

They went home around 4 and Groundel helped making their characters, and even threw a bit of game. We even got pizza... Ah! The memories! And turns out that yes they know the people we have known all this time, including Tril. LOL Close encounters of the D&D kind, guess... They stayed playing until around 1am. I will play later on, as I was sick and under medication spells and dizziness. The whole idea is truly cool. Finally, the wait for adventure pays off... :D

Today went to see the doc, get more prescriptions and then went back home. I may play the Sims for a while, not feeling like scrapbooking... Actually I'm a bit sleepy and tired... Damned T-Virus! I'll just sign off and get some rest...

10-4

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful;
it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect;
but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away.

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood.

So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

-Corinthians 1, 1-13

Monday. Still stranded at home. My right ear still out of service, my coughing deeply annoying me. But, alive… Seems it’s gonna keep on raining… Cannot stay awake long enough… And I am damn hungry. Tomorrow should be payday, so I can straighten bills and make everything fine. Joe left this morning, hopefully has already arrived safe and sound to whatever his destiny was.

Yesterday, the crew spent the whole afternoon watching movies:
National Treasure… I liked it. But then again, I was under medicines effect…
Shanghai Triad… Why,why,why? Long, so long! For that! Sniff, sniff… I almost fall asleep if not uncontious…
House of Daggers… Liked it very, very much. The bamboo sequences were really anime-like, and that was cool! The battles were beautifully choreographed.
Purple Butterfly… War-intrigue-Japanese invasion… Political, guerrilla… In the middle of the who’s who drama it was better than Shangai, but… Too long, that’s all… too damn long.

Thank God I was already in bed, because I was completely drowsy and in ether mode the whole evening. Nevertheless, thanks to Joe and LightShadow and Groundel the whole dy went away fast. They were thoughtful enough to get movies and watch them in my house instead of following the original plan of going to the movies. Not to mention that the night before, it was LightShadow & Joe who went to get my medicines and food. It’s the little things that counts. Thanks guys! You are really true friends!

Today, called work so they don’t think I abandoned them… and came here to feel a bit human while writing… Thanks to Sara for bringing the med recipe to my house, and thanks to Carlos for listening to my garbage and easing this sick days with some laughs.

Gotta go back to the shadows were I belong…

10-4

In my secret garden, I'm looking for the perfect flower
Waiting for my finest hour
In my secret garden, I still believe after all
I still believe and I fall
You plant the seed and I'll watch it grow
I wonder when I'll start to show
I wonder if I'll ever know
Where my place is
Where my face is
I know it's in here somewhere
I just wish I knew the color of my hair
I know the answer's hiding somewhere
In my secret garden, there's

[Chorus:]
A petal that isn't torn
A heart that will not harden
A place that I can be born
In my secret garden
A rose without a thorn
A lover without scorn

If I wait for the rain to kiss me and undress me
Will I look like a fool, wet and a mess
Will I still be thirsty
Will I pass the test
And if I look for the rainbow, will I see it
Or will it pass right by
'Cause I'm not supposed to see
'Cause the blind are never free
Even at my secret garden
There's a chance that I could harden
That's why I'll keep on looking, for

[Chorus:]
A petal that isn't torn
A heart that will not harden
A place that I can be born
In my secret garden
A rose without a thorn
A lover without scorn

I still believe, I still believe
'Cause after all is said and done
I'm still alive
And the boots have come and trampled on me
And I'm still alive
'Cause the sun has kissed me, and caressed me
And I'm strong, and there's a chance
That I will grow, this I know
So I'm still looking for

[Chorus:]
A petal that isn't torn
A heart that will not harden
A place that I can be born
In my secret garden
A rose without a thorn
A lover without scorn

Somewhere in fountain blue
Lies my secret garden


-Madonna, Secret Garden

I've been delirius. Within the etherworlds of dreamscapes and illusions, I have these voices and people that eagerly encourage me to go ahead with the event coordination thing, and to try implementing the amusement park that I envisioned years ago. I woke up from all the fever and interlaced memories... I am to do what I can to fulfil the mission of event coordination/ park of adventure/ whatever... I need to start my own business, next year... promise.

Health news: I'm still sick. But I am taking my medicines... The antibiotic is really aggressive, I just hear nothing in my right ear, but it doesnt'hurt as painfully as last night. The throat infection is still there, and the runny nose is earning the Olympic medal. Yay! Ugh... I still have body ache, and fever comes and goes, but now is countdown because of the antibiotic... I dont know if I'll be able to work tomorrow, but I should be well by Tuesday. I have been grounded within these 4 walls, logging on and off whenever I wake up... Most time in bed, since the dizzyness and the bad balance due to the ear thing wont allow me to stand... Its been BAD. Its been UGLY. But once again I shall survive so the story is not over, no sir... I hope?

Kitties news: Gotta operate Kyonne and Cyric ASAP. They are marking territory everywhere and I am pissed because of that... literally? Whatever...

Visitor: Got Popu sleeping on my couch. He's staying until tomorrow. He and LS wanted to take me to see High Tension, but I cant even get close to the door... So, Groundel rented some movies and we'll all have a movie afternoon, sort of... I know I will fall asleep somewhere between the lines... Whatever...

Havent been able to call my sister or Texas, but will during the week. Most probably by Fathers day weekend. :D

Hope to develop the pictures during this week. That should be fun to scrapbook in the weekend! :D And the house thing is still going, now under the view for approbation of Retiros big boss... keeps fingers crossed, please?

Im falling to pieces, rotting... too tired to type more... fingers collapsing...
10-4

Friday summary: Looong day. Tummy ache, fever, anything you imagine I had it. Tried to reach my doctor but she was not available today, plus it was raining cats and dogs. High fever, runny nose... Tiresome sickness! At mid afternoon I gave up hope of seeing any human life and I submitted myself to my kitties will. I did some scrapbooking but got tired, and hungry... and no one to call for food... I hate depending on others, I hate feeling so vulnerable!

I've been moody too. Crying for nothing... Thinking and crying... Then stop thinking and crying more... Who can understand... I don't have answers anymore. I don't know what is the best thing for me, in the long run. I don't know which road I should follow... I feel I must do something and I fear that something is too big and overwhelming... And then I cry a bit more...

I'm getting to a point where I think there is nothing more to whatever is going on... Yes, travelling is an option, but everyday shit is always the same. The more one th=ries changing it the more it must stay the same. It is difficult to realize that although you have all this big ideas and abilities, you can't do all you could do before because you are not who you were in matters of body mostly. Diabetes is a drag... And even if i try not to think about it, whenever I get sick it is a major drag because it doubles the time for healing and it makes me slower in everything. And it annoys me and makes me mad. It makes me dependent on people and I cannot allow myself to depend on noone because either no one cares or the ones that care have no brains to handle things as they should...

Call me a supreme narcissistic leader, but I feel noone else can do things as I do... I cannot trust things to people because they just dont do what they must and it causes more stress in me. I expect too much, I ask too much... I dream too much. And I love too much.

I'll work, get a house, go ahead with the business plans, go ahead be an artist... And still it all feels empty... And seems it all will keep on being empty. Being positive has not helped... I am surrounded by friends, and I feel so lonely...

And so I think, and cry... and write... and cry... and try to heal, and cry...

Yesterday had to stay at home during the afternoon... the body ache was too much. I ended up throwing up 5 times... Ok, so soemone really wants me to loose weight or something... It was awful! Got some crackers and 7up and at least I didnt throw that up! Finally slept for 3 hours and woke up with enough strenght to walk and get more crackers. My head keeps spinning, and the body ache stays... Runny nose and watery eyes... And cant talk much... Lovely...

10-4

Whoever put the latest Evil Eye on me worked, because I am definitively sick! High fever, runny eyes, runny nose, body ache, even nausea. I feel terrile! Been on bed since 5pm and seems I ill miss work tomorrow at this pace... Too much rain, had to catch up with me sooner or later... Oh, well...
10-4

PS... Check la historia del Mamut chiquitito... http://www.lopeor.com/bromas/mamut.asp

Went to Lucinda's at 11pm on Sat and stayed until 4 am Sun, basically went to sleep as daylight was inminent... How gothic, huh? LOL Well, went to the Bday bash and Einstein was surprised and had a good time. Plenty of Vader wanna-bes around! The place was packed with smurfs and smurfettes! Sweet! LadyMex was there with the kids and kept her distance... Well, I am a nice dragon, I won't incinerate people just because... Helloo? Oh, well... Whatever she misenterpreted it's her tortuos mind and twisted perspectives. I was just honest. And her being pushy with stupid matters and keeping her mexican gringolas at all times didn't help. When I know potential and I see you are wasting your life I will try to fix that... You don't listen or won't like my help, don't make me waste energy thinking of how to help you. Ok?

Anyway, after the B-Bash, went to see Tril. Incredibly, we didn't fight. That was the good news. No bad news? Now, THAT is weird... but true... LOL

On Monday, the day was long due to traffic... Had to visit San German and Yauco, and since they are fixing the highway, traffic was stopped at many points... From 10am to 3:30pm on the road... Ewww... There is a group from work that plans to take Belly Dancing classes, I might sign up... Tuuuuusssss ojos neeeeeeegrossssss! LOL Anyway, Tril called 'cause he wanted to go to develop some pics, to Borders and ToysRus, so when I got out of work I went to pick him up. Delivered him at his home by 8:30 and finally went home... Checked out some decoration books, and off to bed by 11... I was in no mood to surf the net, my eyes were hurting badly!

Today is Tuesday, Today is Tuesday! Tuesday, green beans...

Anyway... Still thinking of what I'll do today... Gotta take a break after lunch to take aunties TVs to the repairman. Need to sleep, dying here!

10-4

Woke up early to pick up my aunts tv for repair... and the place only works weekdays... Ugh! Ok... So, got a survival grocery spree and looked for the clone wars thinguie I must draw for tomorrows b-day bash for Einstein. Also put an end on boredom with these quizzes... Loved the one saying I'm a song waiting to happen. :D A Saturday that will fly away very, very fast!



Green is your Lightsaber's color.

Green is the color of nature. It symbolizes growth,
harmony, and freshness. Green has strong
emotional correspondence with safety. Green is
also commonly associated with wealth and
happiness, so someone with a green lightsaber
like yourself is a fortunate soul.


What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a
protector.
Yes, you don't like to kill people. That goes
against everything you belive in. It's not that
you are a coward, but your ideals and morals
wouldn't allow it. You are the typical hero, do
the righteous things, get the bad guys and do
it all legally. But just because you don't kill
doesn't mean you can't kick ass. And that is
what you do. You use your brain and your
strenght to do honourable deeds and protect
people you know and love. If an evil guy is
going to take over the world soon, it's you who
will get involved. You hate watching innocents
suffer, and love seeing bad people getting what
they deserve. You are probably also happy and
optimistic and work pretty good in groups. And
the friends you usually make are true ones.

Main weapon: Anything at all
Quote: "You only live once, but if
you do it right, once is enough" -Joe
Lewis
Facial expression: Smile

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla



hug from behind - you like to feel what the other
person is feeling and see things how they see
them. you tend to be serious and emotional.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
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BEAUTIFUL ICE PRINCESS/PRINCE .You need distance
between you and your partner in your
relationship. You are very difficult to get.
You have big requirements and this one you love
must try hard to get you. But after she/he melt
your heart she/he will be the most happy person
in the world. You need someone who shows you
that you are special and it makes you feel
good to see that you are loved. She/He shall
know that you could easily get another
girl/boyfriend but you wont as long as you
love him. when she/he hurts you you will hurt
him too, but in general you dont get hurt. If
your partner cheated you ,you would react cold
and immediately (try to) forget him


~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla


Your Gothic... Maybe even a bit Vampyric... Your
very sensitive, sometimes you can be outgoing
in your own population. Your sometimes Lonely,
but when your alone your much happier. If your
suicidal, it's okay, because your the kewlest
person I know!....well don't actually know you
but yeah!


Are you a Vampire/Goth/Punk/Poser/Emo/ or just a plain PREP!?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are an Enchantress, somewhat an enigma,
you would love to change the world. You hold
strong views and, would love nothing more, to
use your magic to change the world around you.
When in conversation, you listen, take on their
comments, and fantasise how you could improve
things. Quite the idealist, you think you have
all the answers, whether for right or wrong.
You hold your intellect high, and believe you
can change the world! In a relationship, you
need a partner of high intellect.

The world
and you, often seems at odds, with you
frequently seeing things from a different point
of view.

You have a connection with nature,
often stating, that things will take their
natural course. Nevertheless, secretly, you
would like to use nature to your own
ends.

Your good points are that you are
intelligent, instigative and thoughtful and
your bad points are, you can be single-minded,
misled and remorseless.

You feel that your
superior knowledge should astound everyone
around you; and you wish for respect from your
peers.


Are you a Princess, Enchantress, Faerie, Mermaid or Toad? (with pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla




You need understanding.
In your life there has been many people that
could never seem too comprehend your
personality. Now you have either become an out-
cast because of their narrow minds or you have
adjusted yourself to them, and never letting
them see who you are deep inside. You now
think that no one will ever understand you and
you hate that fact. Though you are scared of
what the effects might be if you would decide
to let someone in so you keep a safe distance
that you both curse and bless.


What Do You Need in Your Life? [dark pics]
brought to you by Quizilla




~*~*~*~ LOVING~*~*~*~
Your loving nature makes you wonderful to be
around. You are the type of person that accepts
people for who they are and they in return of
your good heartedness, accept you right back.
You are most likely a romantic at heart. With a
sensitive soul and probably a broken heart from
the past, you don't usually trust people. You
have probably been hurt by someone you love or
loved dearly which makes it hard to confide in
others. Easy going and romantic, fun and
lovable, you have a great personality. You are
very well liked in the general world that
you're in.

Please Rate or message me! Thank you for taking my
quiz! XoXo <3 Lana


You're Beautiful...but why? ( PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla




You are Psalms.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla



Your connection with darkness is through your
interest in vampires. Theese occult beings
fascinates you. Their lives are just something
you would kill for, and if you would have the
opportunity to be sired, you would. Living a
mortal kind of life is just so ordinary and
boring. You aren't necessarly evil just because
of this interest/obsession, you just can
connect with them and their lifestyles. Though
people have a hard time understanding this and
chances are you're a social outcast. Perhaps
you hate your life and therefor developed this
interest, to escape reality.


What is your connection with darkness? (pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

The week in rock… Nah… Just the week… Ok, so basically work has been BORING and as I get home I fall asleep right away. No excitement… And no money to look for excitement. Back to reality, sadly… Well, things could be worst… I guess…

The thing about the house is running well, so I am guessing that it all be done by the 15th… Gotta call Retiro today to check out if there are any other news. People, keep up the good vibes!

Last night LightShadow made an appearance after 9pm. Her visit was a treat. Roxy was very excited about it LOL Thanks for the bichitos! Oh, and I forgot to give you a small something, as well as I forgot to give Joe another… Well, hope he passes by soon so I can give it to you both. :)

Lucinda also made an apparition, at work, yesterday. Left me a couple of black cartulinas so I make something for Einsteins big surprise b-day party on Sun. Let’s see how that turns out, since it will be at the boy’s grandparents house… Ugh!

The phone company made a mistake and cut my line last night, but it will be restores fee-less… we’ll see about THAT. Hmm…

So… TGI Friday! Yay! I need to ponder how I will do things, when and were… Payments, moving, etc… I also need to ponder about some people…

No more news for now, stay tuned…

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