As I got in the car to work, I was pissed. Very pissed. I get annoyed when I get a blame for something I didn’t do… so what? Anyway, as I was on the crossroad near my apartment, something went on my car’s ceiling. The noise gave me the answer: A dove. And the stupid dove wouldn’t get off the car. So, I thought that when the light changes and the car move then it would go away. Nope. The noise again. And this time it was followed by the dove getting on the car’s spare tire. Ok… The dove started to annoy me… So as the car moved again, it tried to fly, but got stuck on the tire’s chain. The sound of the wings against the window was not amusing. Seems that the dove was trapped by a leg and couldn’t take off. On the next light seems it managed to set free, and again, she went to the car’s ceiling. No, this is not a crappy TV comedy show… As the car moved again, I saw a shadow dropping to a side, and looking through the mirror I saw that the dove fall on the other street way, looking around, and ready to choose its next target…

So, finally I had to laugh. As mad as I was, seems that God went through a small trouble to make me smile… And so, I arrived at work… Luckily, the dove didn’t print… :P


Ok, and now to the printing thingie, so you actually GET the joke…


Two days ago, it was 4:25 pm and I was ready to sign the human resource’s list when one of my colleagues comes to me and says very seriously: “Vivian, I have a problem. I cannot print”. I stared as her and the world stopped. I don’t know why but this strange thought came to my mind: “Why is she telling me this?”. Then I came back to reality and looked at her face, as she was wondering WHY I didn’t answer her. She repeated the question and I started laughing. I burst in laughter, and just couldn’t stop. I went away, took the elevator, got into my car, and I was still laughing. I couldn’t move the car for almost 10 minutes because I was laughing so hard I was crying. Groundel was at my side, in the car, staring with a scared look in his face. Since he didn’t understand why I was crying and laughing nonstop, he thought someone did something at work… I tried to calm down, started to explain and burst in hysterical laughter again. I gave up. Got home, and whenever I thought of the printing business I laughed. Yesterday, first thing in the morning, as I was signing my arrival, I saw the girl again. Bad thing, I burst in laughter again. She came to me, concerned. “But Viv, what is it? You get that request that often?” I answered: “Nope, but you should get some castor oil if you keep having THAT problem”.

Next! ( The sad thing, this is a true story… LOL)

10-4

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Okkkk... I will TRY not to take these personal... Buahahahah :P

Friday: Worked on the site for a 3rd day. Tired. Looking good.

Saturday: TRIP TO ARECIBO’s OBSERVATORY.

Ok, so the trip getting there had excitement on its own since it was a bit long and kinda going into the mountains making the crew believe that we were actually going where no one else had gone before… LS and Groundel and I, all of us, were in “jodeína mode”. We watched Meaíto trees, and Flamboyanes and Trinitarias and Big Houses and pesky birds and rocky roads, and it all was fun. When we got to the place, using my osmosis sense for getting to places and pleased at the miracle of not getting lost, we sighted in glee as the place was not closed and the sun was not too hot.

Stairs lead the way up, and some famous words were read “500 steps from here to the top”… and then the famous phrase followed “What is the big deal about 500 steps?” Oh, boy… LOL Had to stop to catch my breath several times… I guess THAT was the big deal about it… So, we all get to the top in one piece… Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! And we got the tickets… And as I though, they have ATM over there, I mean, such a techie place MUST offer that simple techie thing, no? Good rationalization. Einstein would be proud. Anyway, went in to see the interactive exhibitions… WAY COOL. Loved the fog thinguie, and the electricity demo and the informationals about galaxies and stars and asteroids and… gosh… THE movie! LOL

It was a hilarious 20 min informational-movie that depicted, literally, a DAY in LIFE at the Observatory. Man, the employees MUST be very happy, they eat like gods! The emphasis on the food was… strange… Perhaps it is the main thing ALIENS love about us… who knew? Anyway, it was as nice as the shots of people working OVER the radio-telescope… EWWWW… That’s friggin HIGH. After the movie, the doors open to show a lookout that is a balcony standing right next to the radio-telescope… AMAZING. No words can describe the beauty of the place, the poetic duality of raw nature versus iron and technology. And so, one of my life-goals came to an end. I have always wanted to go see the Observatory and today I did. A new milestone was reached. And I loved every minute of it. The place is very nice, very clean, so unlike places of value in this forsaken island. Took some pics, grabbed the moment, rain poured freely, and we all went back to the road. Our next target: FOOD.

Ok, so following my osmosis-sense I decided to follow the roads leading to Lares. Old habits die hard, and I knew the way from Lares to San Sebastian fairly well… I knew… Notice the past tense? LOL Ok, so it was a VERY good thing that I bought a map… but… There is always a big but. To reach our destiny, Aguadilla, we needed to take the 111 road and stick to it. Problem: the damn road is NOT completed, so there are diverse detours and dead ends… one dead end was the backyard of a house! The detours took us through curved narrow roads with bad, deep chasms on one or each sides… a small problem when you are driving and you are afraid of heights but nothing too serious… :P The 111 road has a new meaning for us, a phantom road that is wicked and enjoys being random and careless… Ironically it is the road that I have always travelled to get to Moca and San Sebastián… I didn’t knew that was the number… LOL After an hour and a half we arrived at Aguadilla Mall and attacked the food court. Mission accomplished.

From Aguadilla to Mayaguez the road was smooth and kind, the rain stopped, jokes flowed and the arrival at home was flawless. Nice day full of fun and adventure. I refreshed my memory of where the Camuy Caverns are, where the Moca’s Mundillo Museum is, Moca’s castle, and of course, the Guajataca forest… Mental notes to visit them soon. Taking pics to see if I can start my Western side “Porta del Sol” project… Me and my hobbies…

Anyway, enough about tourism… Back to the cave…

10-4

Tummy toruble and dizziness made me stay at home today. Just great... Seems I was forced to rest. Well, I needed to do that anyway...

Monday: Trying to put all my data in order because I seem to have too many loose flopies and cd's without names or content indexes. Got rid off many useless floppies, and transferred to cd the ones that worked, since my laptop has no floppy drive. At night, played the Sims, this time using Pabón's household. LOL Judy seems to get along with Sara, and they are always playing Sacare. Funny as hell. Groundel brought The Urbz to try it, and although the whole concept is VERY different from the Sims (plenty of eye candy and bright colors and music… marketed towards young people) it is fun, in a Parappa-kind-o-way. Will try BloodRayne2 tonight.

Tuesday: Here, at work, waiting for a car to take me to do an update at RUM. I will be stranded there for only God knows how many hours… Oh, well… Cést la vie! Seems that I'll get all papers together for the house-thinguie, and will go to SanJuan on Friday. Another trip… Ewwww…

I hope I can count with Coriolis and LightShadow for Saturday's Gilligan Isle thinguie. Don't know if Lucinda can make it early… gotta check with her. Zordak? Candy? Anyone else?

Next week is my so-called B-day… May travel to El Faro to get in touch with my druidic side… It all depends. I may also go North to help the elf in distress with his Fortress of Solitude… Seems he has some ISSUES with Space, the final Frontier! Well… Elf: It is all a matter of illusion, the art of disguise, creating focal points, creating a FOYER, YOU GOTTA PUT YOURSELF TOGETHER (that's the first thing). What? You thought that home-ownership was an easy-do-it-yourself task? Not for beginners! Remember: Baby steps! You'll see, your elven castle will make it to your standards, and the space will be just the right amount. Trust the half-breed!

Doodle doodle dee… wagga wagga wagga… 10-4

Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"

April
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret.Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their luver can see.


Ok… Nice thing about April is that it signals springtime, rebirth and nature’s clock unwinding again. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Ok… Took Joe to his interview on Saturday morning. The road was smooth, the singing was cool and the men were… asleep. It was fast and beautiful. Got to Plaza and met Coriolis, who was dressed in white for the sacrifice. He had this kenderish outlook… which became obvious as he talked about the house and as he showed the thingies he wants for it. So, we headed to the Mines of Moria in Caguas, and the long journey revealed a beautiful spot that he calls his new home. Nice lair. After the changes he wants to accomplish, the place will be a nice Fortress of Solitude, sort of… LOL I suspect that if he keeps his bonding with the neighbors the place will be anything but lonely.

Anyway… Had to go back home. In the way I took some pics a task that I have, and then finally arrived home. Dyed my hair, Wildfire this time… And fall to sleep Like a Rock. I slept for 14 hours nonstop. Yup, that tired…

On Sunday Lucinda called me up, and then Stepmom. Yay! Three graduations on daddy’s family, that’s awesome! I will probably head towards Texas in May. We’ll see how THAT goes. Lucinda passed by my dwelling, so we took pics of some clothing she wants to sell, and watched the Clone Wars and Shark Tale. Liked them both. So… night came in and I FINALLY made it to my aunt’s house. Ate, watched some tv, got a news update and then went home to sleep. Gosh, days are flying lately!!!

This week, I need to do cd backups of everything I have on floppies and arrange drawings, pics and stuff so everything is properly classified. I also need to go to Retiro for the home loan. And I also need to make a tropical demo for the realtor. Yup, the week is full, and it is just starting… I am getting old.

I’m planning a get-together at Isla de Gilligan next Saturday, so gather up your thingies and make an appearance! Let me know so I have a headcount. :P

10-4

Movie galore...
Ginger Snaps 1 & 2... Like the Canadian flicks, so two thumbs up
Fate... I can only say Why? and Sorry!
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind... Sorry to be against all critics, but I think the movie was too plain and sucked. I saw nothing deep on it, just the same old play on destiny's wicked sense of humor.
The Incredibles... Loved it. Absolutely 2 thumbs up and a big wave.

Last night saw The Ring2. It was a different story from Ringu2. Nice, but still does not top the Japanese originals.

These have been busy days. Although I had a "free" week, it was not so free at all. Let's make a small mind-blast to the past...

Monday: After work, went to pick up Trilogy. Went to Walmart to get some goodies and some kitty stuff. His kitty Gimli has worms, so I must give him the dewormer I have... Mental note for THAT.

Tuesday: Basically "Play the Sims Day". Also, our gust star Popu made an appearance. He would stay until Saturday so he spends some happy time with his LS and some movie-fun-arguing time with Groundel and me.

Wednesday: Slept late, until 2 something in the afternoon.Went to get my hair colors and tried getting a good deal at the mall. Finally the Beaty and the Beast 56 chapters tv series appeared in my PO, yup, finally... so spent the night watching episodes 1-2 after playing with the Sims.

Thursday: Oh... What a Headache Day! The plan was: Go get tomatoes and lettuce, go to Lucinda's place, go either beaching or backyard pooling and then go home. Well, since we DO NOT live in perfect, this is what happenned: Fight because MexLady was gonna be there and Groundel didn't wanna see her... Joe was not thrilled about that either. After some debate, we went through the Joyuda way to see if I could get some pics in the way for a site that I'm making... Arrived at Lucinda's to let her know I was coming later because of the snapping business... Anyway, LS needed to have breakfast so we stopped at BK to eat something before taking pics... That was fun. But, as we got near my car I realized my keys were inside. Headache lights turned on. Maria and José took me to my aunt's place, but it was one of those strange days that she was NOT home. So, had to head towards my apartment to wait. I was REALLY pissed. Well... Turned out it was good that we went there because Groundel had an interview call he needed to answer asap, and Joe had left his cellular by mistake and he also had an interview call. Coincidence? Fate? Well, after the guys made their calls, I called auntie and FINALLY my mother had arrived with her to the house. So... LS took me there, I got the spare keys, I got some cake and we all headed back to BK to get my car. LS had to go work, so we splitted up. I went with Groundel to Lucinda's pool party... An hour and a half of arguments and pushed silence because of some anoying things, until the afternoon waned and LadyMex went away. Then the fun began. I got in the pool, the kids did, Lucinda did, even Cleo did. When the night became really evident and we all were tired enough, we left. As I arrived home Joe told me Coriolis and Trilogy had called... And that LS would wait for us at 9:30 to go see the Ring2. And so we went to see the Wizard... Afterwards, she treated us all to a Dennis meal-breakfast. Thank-u, thank-u, thank-u. That was really nice of her. And then, home... to sleep... Dead sleep.

Friday: Good Friday. We all woke up at noon, had breakfast, and waited for LS to arrive. When she did, we watched some Sirens play and then the werewolf movies. Went out to grab a pizza, showed Joe and LS where the soon-to-be-mine dwelling is, and came back to watch the second werewolf movie and then a bad blast from the 80's movie. I almost fall asleep, woke up enough to write this... but will soon be back into my cave because I am friggin sleepy.

Saturday: Well, planning ahead... Tomorrow I must get up early to take Joe to SJ where he has a job interview. There I should meet with Coriolis so I travel to the mines of Moria and finally meet his beloved new dwelling. Will probably help paint some furniture and catch up on some stories of the old and the new. And then the journey back to the Shire. It will be a long day...

Sunday: Will work on the site I promised to deliver this next week or so. Will also meet the old Dwarf so he doesn't feel neglected, need to give him the dewormer for Gimli. We'll see how THAT turns out.

So... the chronicles shall continue, just as the stupid fires that are all over the island. Crappy thing, smoke everywhere... Almost as if Ravenloft has taken the Island... Mordor's volcanoes are reaching us, it seems...
10-4

At work. Tomorrow and Thu and Fri will be FREEEEEEEEEE so it will be a lovely, short week. Yesterday did some shopping, out-line and on-line. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Visited my aunt, watched some tv (milagro, milagro!) and sleeping by 10pm.

I'm hungry. Me want cookie. COOKIIIEEEEE!!!!

This week was quite busy and LONG. My whole body aches, and I suspect I may be a bit sick but seems that the vitamins are holding the sickness on the line… LOL Well… Let’s give a recount… Total recall of a very busy week…

Monday: The counselors’ brunch. Everyone cooperated, everyone bought what they promised so the food was excellent and the initiation of the week was a success. The bettas were delivered, and people even gave them names. At least the fishy spirit was arisen.

Tuesday: Looking for the right information to prepare presentations for Thursday activity. Spent the whole day searching sites and reading, reading, reading… So, I made a file of stories and info that would be useful for at least 5 more activities.

Wednesday: I chose the info that I wanted to present in Thu, also looked for the events that happened on the date of birth of each counselor, the meaning of their names and the saint that belongs to their birth date. Also, took some pics from an archive and personalized each page for them. When I got home, made 6 PowerPoint presentations for next day…

Thursday: The Counselor’s lunch and afternoon activities. Again, everyone brought what they promised, even the boss was surprised that THAT was a good idea because we had more food than if we had bought a catering… Buahahahahahah… Early in the morning, I chose 4 victims to give some of the presentations and they studied the whole morning as good little students, then practiced with me. Awwwww… After lunch I began the presentations, they took over and I finished with another presentation. I hope that the message that I wanted to bring across about helping each other and giving EVERYTHING at job at least made them think a bit… Who knows… I have decided to try to make a difference at work, to try and make all of them work together, to try and change the negative attitude that prevails… Hey, I always trust that miracles DO happen when you believe strong enough…

Friday: Went to San Juan with Manolo, Prapra and a client. It was a fun voyage. I left something at Nivel Central, then went to Retiro. Damn, the lady nailed me. I needed 7 items that I didn’t have, so I could not submit the papers… But I gained a better view of why I needed them and she was very helpful. So… Arrived at home at night, to bed!

Saturday: Woke up early, so went to the post office, to Home Depot, to my aunt’s house and then to Lucinda’s place to pick her up and her kids, to go to Ponce because Einstein had an appointment… Afterwards, we went to Plaza del Caribe, Barbie gave some stinky manifestations of babyhood, we walked and walked and walked… Until it was 8pm and we decided to wrap the night up. So, headed back, I passed by my “house” to show Lucinda where it is and to check the weekend environment in the neighborhood. Then, left Lucinda & co. at her home sweet home, and headed back to my apartment to fall uncontious in my bed…

Sunday: Woke up, and here I am… My whole body aches, I feel “chupá” and hopefully today the day will be slow and kind… I need energy for the week ahead… Damn… everything is going so fast I have no time to do a double take! :P

10-4

Go to this link, and enjoy! :)

Opera Baby, dedicated with love to Barbie :P

Long, long, LONG weekend… Well, actually, too little time to do too many things. Right now I KNOW I will crash my bed at 5 and LA MADRE pa’l que me despierte, COÑO.

Friday Afternoon. Had to travel to Aguada in a rush to get 15 kids… Bettas… Then to Pitusa to get 15 bowls, food and the anti-chlorine. Back into my office before the day ended… after leaving the kids at home… with 8 cats… Insane, huh?

Friday night… So creepy outside, so busy inside… Put fishies on the bowls… That was fun, and so made the fishies and me grow closer to each other. I rechecked all pics from demo site for realtor, and posted a fairly decent design for show purposes by midnight… Went to bed by 1AM and woke up at 8 something to get ready and visit the realtor by 10. Ran a bit late since I had to check the post office. Well, went over her place, we reviewed papers, did some paperwork and then went to see the first floor of the house. After that, visited my doc to get some medicines and prescriptions. Went with Lucinda to get something to munch, and then went to the mall to pick up a co-worker and go in an unexpected expedition…

So… (blurred picture) I am coordinating some activities at work, two of them are this week. One brunch, one lunch with complete activities and blah blah. I needed some fruits and stuff, and this girl volunteers to get some with the condition that someone drives her up to where the farm is. So, I volunteered. But little did I know that in order to get to the farm, an adventure would unfold. The little elven lass knows the names of places from heart since she grew up over there, in Rivendale. As a nice wood elf, she showed off the natural water fountains and even made me stop the car so she could pick up berries… and yes, they were good… good berries… Yummy. :) We went to the hidden castles at the peaks near Monte del Estado, and we met the local high elves. They welcomed us with glee, giving us enough provisions for a week’s journey. They almost didn’t want us to go, but nightfall approached and I had other things to do… besides, I was getting hungry. So, we picked up the trail and went to a pincho’s seller and ate until we could burst. After all that, the elf said her farewells to Rivendale and so she was teleported back to the Wastelands of Mayaguez… Her adventure ended there, but mine continued…

After the Rivendale escape, went to my aunt’s house to give her some plantains and oranges. It was a quickie, but she managed to remind me of something I forgot with all the things I had going on in my head… Her B-day was in the 11th, and I forgot… Shame on me! Since I had nothing for her and really had to go, went away feeling bad about it. Ok… So I went home to get to bed because I was exhausted. Then the lights were suddenly turned on, and a raid of orcs invaded my realm. Joe and LightShadow were there, as Groundel knew that they would because Joe had called but since I was sleeping I had missed the call… So… Started talking and ended up quite awake. Made fun of Joe, as usual, and the logged in the net to check some info on Akita’s and Rottie’s. The fishies got some hard times surviving Joe’s body language, but hey, they made it. Thank goodness for TLC. :P Around 2am I started getting sleepy and surrendered to Morpheus… damn, who wouldn? LOL

Woke up at 9something because kitties went berserk and even attacked Joe. So… Fed them, fed the resident evils that were temporarily living in my bathroom (15 of them… Long story)… then kinda talked/joked/whatever with Joe and kitties and Groundel and wheeeeeeeeeee! LOL Went into the net until Lady LS arrived to pick up her manly man, and then I got ready for my next mission: Find El Calvo or burst!.

So… Went to HT just to get awake. Got a nice bargain at the clearance section. Then headed towards San Germán. Slight stop at a sandwich store, the at the hair store and then straight to El Calvo’s. He was there, or so his sis said. The funny moment was when we were waiting outside and she screamed “Métete Gorda!” I waws like… WTF? LOL She was referring to the bitch… Ok, she was referring to the female dog, thank-you-very-much. It was funny. Anyway, we stayed at Pabón’s for a while… updated him with the house newsflash and yadda yadda… Asked him to give a conference on Thu (to what he seems to be looking forward). He fed us, and was happy about everything. So, he also gave me some ribbon for the fishy bowl deco… And off I went to get a birthday cake. Took it to my aunt’s, she was like “:You shouldn’t have”with the same grace as a little girl. LOL She blew the candle, we all ate cake and ice cream, and then off I went to get home and start working on the fishy business. Got a message from Balta that he was gonna make a big change… I hope it is what he should have done ages ago… Nuff said.

Fishy business 101: Putting ribbons so fishes look cute is a pain in the u-know-what. But, did it. Afterwards, placed the bowls into boxes so that would be ready in the morning (WTF, it was 2am already…) Then began working on the letter for the counselors and the invitation and the “How to keep a Betta alive page. In the meanwhile, I had bleached my hair and colored it Lava red. So, when the paperwork was done, washed my hair and finally went to bed at 4:30AM. The alarm clock made me wake up at 7AM to get up, get breakfast, get the fishes, run to my car, get fishes in the car, get the car with the fishes in the bowls full of water to my work place… Drive at 5MPH so the water wouldn’t spill… much… (sight) Arrived JIT. So, took fishes up, prepared fishy table, and got recluits to prepare the food for the Brunch activity. While some where preparing sandwiches and oranges, I browsed some reflections and found 4 people to read them. Out of the blue made a small schedule in my little green notebook, stating the agenda. Went to the director’s office, got the Go on things and called upon all counselors and slaves to join the Dark Side at the conference room. They all went, I made my Don Francisco impersonation and everything had a nice flow. The food was excellent, the people were happy and so I finally got one stress off myself… Just 3 more to go…

At midday went home and threw myself over the bed… Roxy was there at my side, always faithful and patient and sleepy. And then I decided to go back to work because I should leave days for the days before and after I get the house.

So… Here I am… Finally taking a breath, sitting down taking off my shoes and smiling because as Hannibal used to say: I LOVE IT when a plan comes together! It was a BUSY weekend… I need to rest today, because of the days to come… the lunch on Thu, the Holy Week meditation next week, the Easter get-together, and then the monthly self-help sessions that I plan to give to put my grain of salt in matters of making a better work environment. :) Ok… Who am I and what have I done with Viv? LOL Nah… It’s just that my humane side has somehow been triggered these past couple of weeks and seems that it is making me do and say things so people get the idea of what helping and doing the right thing is. You know, my Mother Theresa mode… The mode you love to hate, or you hate to love.

Sleepy.
Itchy.
Yummy.

10-4

DEMO site for Annie

I had this big headache-migraine yesterday! I fall in my bed as soon as I got home, and forgot about the world until today. I just hate that… Anything else I can stand but anything about my eyes-head-neck simply sucks because it leaves me dizzy, nauseous and finally unconscious. The bright side is that I got to rest all I have not been able to rest because of insomnia due to someone who doesn’t understand me. Oh, well… Cannot dwell on that, because then I will end up as a human wreck and a goddess cannot afford to become that. Each passing second my belief in love wanes even more, and my belief that it is simply not meant for me grows. Maybe the main reason for my existence is to help others be, to take on lost causes, but to do so all by myself. I don’t know… I wish someone would give me such a big surprise that sweep me off my feet… that would be like the omen I have been looking for, the signal of the one that I should take on forever… But until now… nothing… nothing but emptiness, nothing but disappointment… Love is the biggest facade there is… (sight) Anyway… I won’t let the only thing that sucks in my life suck my life away. I am in love with myself, and find that I have to change nothing in my ways or thoughts. I live a good life and so I can face anyone, proud, without straying my sight. I have many things to accomplish. I have many plans and goals. If I must do so alone, so be it.

Today is International Women’s day, so Congratulations to EVERY girl OUT THERE! Wheeeeeeeee! :)

10-4

Quizilla Time...

WHITE


??Which colour of Death is yours??
brought to you by Quizilla


Cocktail


?? Which Alcoholic Drink Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla


The Goddess of Fire and Happiness. You are a ball
of energy. Always compassionate and full of
life, you can make anyone feel happy and you
are exceptionally uplifting. You are an
individual beauty.


Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla



In your eyes, people can't seem to see anything
because your eyes are covered up by tears! You
are constantly hurt and depressed... No one
seems to understand how you feel because
everyone is scared to get close to you... You
long to be able to reach out and tell someone
everything, and all of your problems... But you
have no one to tell, or they just don't seem to
want to hear what you have to say. You've been
hurt many times that you don't seem to have any
tears left to shed, or if you do, they're an
endless river flowing... You've started to hide
and bottle up all or your problems and
feelings, hoping that maybe they just will go
away... You want company, but at the same time,
you're scared of it. Your sanctuary is your
room where you can just be alone and try to
throw away all of your aching pains. You're
dark and mysterious and people like you for
that reason. Even if you think you're all by
yourself in the dark, someone is always there
with you. Your special someone wants to admit
and show their feelings towards you, but
they're afraid of how you'll take it. Get out
more and enjoy life because, it is far too long
to frown your way through :)


What Lies Behind Your Eyes? (With Pics, See All Results!)
brought to you by Quizilla


You are a cat woman. You are independant and very
self-rigious. You have a mind of your own and
are not afraid to show it. You tend to hide
your true feelings and get frustrated (easy).


Who are you inside????? (LOTS OF RESULTS)girls only
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Relaxed


You have this constant feeling inside that says
that everything will be alright. Calm cool, you
invented the Chill Pill! (WHAT?!)Whenever
there's a problem you don't spaz out, that's
why people come to you for advice because
you're really reliable. Not many people have
the aura of calmness that follows wherever you
go. Whenever people are around you, they loosen
up, relax, just by being near you! Your motto
is 'Sit back and relax'. Stay the way you are,
because you rarely get stressed out!


Please Rate and Message!


What's The Girl Inside of You? .:BEAUTIFUL Anime Pics AND Music!:. (UPDATED!)
brought to you by Quizilla


You are 'Gregg shorthand'. Originally designed to
enable people to write faster, it is also very
useful for writing things which one does not
want other people to read, inasmuch as almost
no one knows shorthand any more.

You know how important it is to do things
efficiently and on time. You also value your
privacy, and (unlike some people) you do not
pretend to be friends with just everyone; that
would be ridiculous. When you do make friends,
you take them seriously, and faithfully keep
what they confide in you to yourself.
Unfortunately, the work which you do (which is
very important, of course) sometimes keeps you
away from social activities, and you are often
lonely. Your problem is that Gregg shorthand
has been obsolete for a long time.


What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


You're Bettie Page!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
src="http://images.quizilla.com/R/Riptide/1068089465_SeanRaven2.jpg" border="0" alt="Raven">
You are most like Raven. Quiet and usually soft
spoken, you don't like crowds and can be
slightly gothic. You try to repress your
emotions for one reason or another but one of
your most powerful emotions is your anger. Your
temper sometimes gets the best of you and when
that happens those in your way would wish they
weren't. You seem somewhat creepy to others and
you earn a few odd stares but who cares? You
aren't an outdoors person and avoid venturing
outside when you can. You are generally the
smart one and maybe not by trying to, the most
cynical and sarcastic of the bunch which can be
good or bad. You don't like anyone invading
your privacy and you don't seem to be all that
social. But for what it's worth you can be
quite handy in a tough situation. You are drawn
to the darkness or night most of the time. You
appear mysterious and/or potentially dangerous
at times and not everyone trusts you right
away.


Which Teen Titans Character Are You?
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you represent the dark feelings in life. you are
sad and lonely and also keep to yourself.


What part of life do you represent? ( AWESOME anime pics ^_^)
brought to you by Quizilla

It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them.

-Agatha Christie

Friday: It was a draining day, by the time I got home I took a shower and just crashed in my bed. I fall completely numb until the next day… And thank God I rested… Saturday was long, long, LONG! But fun, fun, FUN!

Early in the morning Lucinda called, but I was sleeping and didn’t answer the phone. A little later, kitties woke me up, and staring at the clock I recalled: Ponce. I get up and the phone rings… It was Balta. So I recalled: Moca. Ohhhhhh… And then I recalled: Realtor. Hmmm… Well, took a shower, brushed my teeth, combed my hair and off I went to pick up Lucinda at her office. She needed to take Einstein to a doc’s appointment at Ponce and had no car, so I volunteered. That’s what friends are for. So, it was a smooth ride, we arrived by 2pm, ate some at the corner’s McD and stayed in the doc’s office for an hour. It went fast, plenty of magazines and a tv showing a movie that reminded me of JasonX… Don’t know why but it did, ok? Anyway… After that, we all went to Plaza del Caribe to comply with the official invitations to HT and ON. It was 5:30 when I recalled the Moca appointment… so off we went…

Arrived at Mayaguez by 7pm, stopped at my house to pick up some goods and then we went on the road again. We arrived in Moca by 8:30. Met Balta and Daisy and got a bit lost getting to Candy’s home… I though HE knew how to get there. Thanks to my weird photographic subconcious, we got there. Candy was very happy to see us. Balta left her some books for the library that Candy made for the locals at Sector Limón. But as he got out the box with box, the box broke and the books were all scattered in the floor. I spotted a book about Myths and browsed it, then threw it back to the floor bundle. LOL Balta shrieked: Why you throw that instead of picking them up! Sheesh! LOL I didn't realize I did that... I fugured that he would pick them all by himself, being such a manly man... LOL Anyway, the library is very very cool. She has put her heart into it and it shows. Her son, Ogy, looks thinner by the year, damnit! Well, we had some fun for a bit, I discover Bitter Melon is translated as the wild cunda-amor… or cundiamor as we natives call it… Sheeshhhh… LOL Whatever. We gave our goodbyes at 10pm and off we went to deliver Lucinda and kids to Cabo Rojo. We got there by 11pm… As promised, she arrived save and sound on the same day ;) And then, FINALLY got home after all that driving.

Well, washed my hair, made and attempt to dye it purple, but that new brand I tried, Special Effects, sucks. I had to put Manic Panic’s pyrebox red and then mix into it the SE Joyride purrple so at least I got some puple highlights on my red hair… Mostly, it looks like MP’s Vampire Red. Yup, that’s the color that’s next on my list of buying stuff on next payday. Or maybe I’ll try MP’s purple, for some reason MP’s products works better on my hair. Whatever… Fall asleep, woke up at 5am to wash my hair and then fall asleep again… And it’s 11:45 and here I am… I feel tired, still, but grrrrrrrrrrrreat. Love my hair, love the Slitherins shirt I bought at HT bargains side and love the fact that little by little I’m gtting closer to getting my true home. Got a check from AIO that will serve its purpose for Hacienda and the closing deal, and got money from mommy dearest for the option. Selling stuff was a good idea, so now I’ll have money to eat this week. So… Small pieces makes uo the big plan, makes it whole. I think things are starting to look up in my life… Finally. Hard work and good heart DO pay off.

Today: Crash at my aunt’s, visit Tril, visit mommy dearest, and go to sleep Oh Yeah.

10-4

And to close the night, Ladies and Apes...

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality
Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see,

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,
Because I'm easy come, easy go,
Little high, little low,
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me...

Mama just killed a man,
Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama, ooh, Didn't mean to make you cry,
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters

Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time
Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go,
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth

Mama, ooh, I don't want to die,
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all
I see a little silhouetto of a man,

Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very fright'ning me

(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo figaro

Magnifico I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family,
Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let me go) Will not let you go
(Let me go) Will not let you go (Let me go) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(Oh mama mia, mama mia) Mama mia, let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here

Nothing really matters, Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters,
Nothing really matters to me
Any way the wind blows

-Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody

And just because I can...


Friday night it's party time
feeling ready looking fine,
viene diego rumbeando,
with the magic in his eyes
checking every girl in sight,
grooving like he does the mambo
he's the man alli en la disco,
playing sexy felling hotter,
he's the king bailando et ritmo ragatanga,
and the dj that he knows well,
on the spot always around twelve,
plays the mix that diego mezcla con la salsa,
y la baila and he dances y la canta

Chorus:
aserejŠ ja de jŠ de jebe tu de jebere seibiunouva,
majavi an de bugui an de buididipi,
aserejŠ ja de jŠ de jebe tu de jebere seibiunouva,
majavi an de bugui an de buididipi

many think its brujeria,
how he comes and disappears,
every move will hypnotize you,
some will call it chuleria,
others say that its the real,
rastafari afrogitano

he's the man alli en la disco,
playing sexy felling hotter,
he's the king bailando et ritmo ragatanga,
and the dj that he knows well,
on the spot always around twelve,
plays the mix that diego mezcla con la salsa,
y la baila and he dances y la canta

Chorus:
aserejŠ ja de jŠ de jebe tu de jebere seibiunouva,
majavi an de bugui an de buididipi,
aserejŠ ja de jŠ de jebe tu de jebere seibiunouva,
majavi an de bugui an de buididipi

-Ketchup girls, The Ketchup song

Enjoy! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I am in no mood of facing some people because I could kick some ass. Breathed in and out, and decided to just fuck it. No sense in worrying about what cannot be solved, not my problem anyway. Yesterday was a very different view than today. I see that Suicidal guy wants to keep screwing Bad4You girl, so, let the bee be bee. But I will not let them give me ANY shit. I help, I am tolerant, but I aint stupid. I am not Bad4You's friend, so I dont care about her opinion. She has mental problems anyway. But Suicidal guy is a good friend and he could do much better if only he were not so horny, DAMNIT. Mr... YOU ARE MARRIED! Get it? It is something nice and simple... MARRIED. Meaning of that: Faithfulness, Truth, Tolerance, mutual help, and many oter things THROUGH GOOD AND BAD until DEATH TEARS YOU APART. Meaning: No screwing around, translation NO GIRLFRIENDS, NO CHEATING, NO LYING. Kapish? Necesitas mapita? Jesus! Why people get married and stay married if they are not willing to commit forever? Why if they cant tolerate each other they keep holding on to the status, not the life? STUPID. Mr, you would not be so suicidal if your conscience were clean. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

I'm ok. I was pissed, but spoke with Candy and lightened up. She always makes me laugh... Ola de mierda ataca Moca!!! LOL Too bad there are no pictorials as mementos... LOL Anyway, glad to hear things have been busy, because that means you still aint old. :D

No word from Tril, Groundel is studying and Coriolis doesn't answer... I just need to be asleep so people call me. Isn't it ironic?
I Can't Stand It I Know You Planned It
But I'm Gonna Set It Straight, This Watergate
I Can't Stand Rocking When I'm In Here
Because Your Crystal Bal Ain't So Crystal Clear
So While You Sit Backand Wonder Why
I Got This Fucking Thorn In My Side
Oh My, It's A Mirage
I'm Tellin' Y'all It's a Sabotage
So Listen Up 'Cause You Can't Say Nothin'
You'll Shut Me Dow With A Push Of Your Button?
But I'm Out And I'm Gone
I'll Tell You Now I Keep It On And On
'Cause What You See You Might Not Get
And We Can Bet So Don't You Get Souped Yet
You're Scheming On A Thing That's A Mirage
I'm Trying To Tell You Now It's Sabotage
Why; Our Backs Are Now Against The Wall
Listen All Of Y'all It's A Sabotage
I Can't Stand It, I Know You Planned It
But I'm Gonna Set It Straight This Watergate
I Can't Stand Rockin' When I'm In This Place
Because I Feel Disgrace Because You're All In My Face
But Make No Mistakes And Switch Up My Channel
I'm Buddy Rich When I Fly Off The Handle
What Could It Be, It's A Miracle
You're Scheming On A Thing; That's Sabotage
-Beastie Boys, Sabotage

Cosas que molestan pero que desafortunadamente no se pueden cambiar:
Gente doble-cara.
Gente oportunista.
Gente cabrona.
Gente que salta a conclusions sin saber nada.
Gente que no sabe nada de ti y te juzga como quiera.
Gente ignorante.
Gente en el trabajo.
Gente que quiere suicidarse y que no piensa que sus problemas son pendejos y son causados por ellos mismos.
Gente que no toma riendas de su vida.
Gente que te pide consejos y no los escucha.
Gente que se cree que sabe mucho y no saben tres carajos.
Gente que se las dan de sabios y en realidad comen mierda.
Gente que ríen pero se están consumiendo por dentro.
Gente que fingen interés y simplemente quieren manipularte.

En fin, compañeros de trabajo y gente que se dicen ser seres humanos y al fin y al cabo son menos que estiércol de tiburón. En verdá en verdá, cada día me convenzo más de que mientras más sé sobre la raza humana, más deseo ser animal.

Oh, yes, I am mad and pissed. I busted my ass helping a bitch so she would simply turn into her psycho self against me. Ok… That deserved a WTF but hey… Madness strikes whenever… wherever… Sooo… I am REALLY pissed at Balta, who tried to kill himself yesterday. Why? Depression… Like, I am SURROUNDED by depressed people, and I kinda have to deal with it… and my own depressions…. Well… I asked reasons why he did what he did, and all of them are absurd and so stupid! He, of all the people, with so many skills… (sight) All the big problems have been caused by himself, and only himself can fix them. But finding a permanent solution to not so permanent problems is stupid… STUPID!!!! And then he goes to take advise and support to the person who has half the fault of his biggest problems… Who can understand men? The girl manipulates him, and is actually happy about being his “savior” and his confident… And he believes she is a true friend… I don’t get people… I don’t get how he can be so blind. I don’t get why kill himself over stupidities… And I even don’t get why I bother to care when it is plain simple that he rather trust the double-face than trust me. C’est la vie. I hope I don’t have to go to bury another close friend…

After all you put me through
You'd think I despise you
But in the end I wanna thank you
'cause you made me that much stronger

When I, thought I knew you
Thinking, that you were true
I guess I, I couldn't trust
'Cause your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side
Always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mmhmm

After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Oh, ohh

Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you're going around
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh

After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to see the truth
You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself
Through living in denial
But in the end you'll see
YOU WON'T STOP ME

I am a fighter and I (fighter and I)
I ain't goin stop
There is no turning back
I've had enough

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Thought I would forget but I
I remember
Yes, I remember
I remember

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

-Christina Aguilera, Fighter

Took the morning off to go seek for some papers I needed for the motgage submission. Only one step left from the things I needed, gotta get the things from the realtor and then get the money for the check that must accompany the submission. I hope I can get everything for next week, so I can take everything to Retiro next week's Thursday. Fingers crossed, I feel very possitive about the whole thing. The change will be great. It will be a sort of milestone for me... Oh, yes...

So... back to work... Gotta get some cables to their right destination... To infinity and beyond!

Went to Retiro yesterday, and got all the papers that must be filled for the home loan. Yay! Got a message from the realtor saying she has everything I need. Yay! Groundel had a dream that he was surrounded by clorox cleaning up the house, all alone. Yay!!! LOL Life is good.

Saturday went fast, Mr. Joe and Lasy LS passed by and we had some talkative fun. Sunday I woke up early and got my bitter melon in Aguadilla. Crashed at my aunt's, ate great food and watched TV for hours. Then home to sleep, because of the voyage to SJ on Monday...Yesterday finished posting the thinguies that I'm selling on Ebay... Need cash for getting my house, so everything goes! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Well, not everything... Duh!

Today: At work. Will be taking the Planilla to its proper place, and filing so I get some of the house paperwork done... Gov junk stuff... Ewwww... But the storm trooper must face any challange so the Force gets to him. Whatever...

You are The Cheshire Cat


A huge grin constantly plastered upon your face,
you never cease to amuse. You are completely
confusing and contradictory to most everyone.


What Alice in Wonderland Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmmm... Like I couldn't say that on my own... Me? A cat? Nah!!!

HOPE sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible.

I feel happy. It’s been quite a while since the last time I felt this way. This whole week has given me something nice and good each day, you know… special little things that when you think about them make you feel you are lucky.

An example: Yesterday I had no money, not even 5 cents. By ten in the morning a co-worker left me a small bag with a “pastelillo”, just because. I couldn’t go have lunch or bring anything from home because I had nothing, and just browsed the net until the time to go back to work. Another co-worker arrived with a bag from a fast food and was in quite a rush. She gave me the bag and went on with her business. Inside, there was a nice Caesar’s salad. So, I had my lunch after all. It is little things like this, that happen even if you do not ask for them, that makes you believe that yes… there is a God, and yes… it pays off to be good.

I am still seeing houses, but mainly prescribing them to two co-workers who are looking, like me, but… somehow… they are a bit stray in matters of getting what they want/need. I strongly believe that the house I fall in love with will be mine, because I dream of it every night. The place gave a feeling of peace that no other has. Someone gave me the idea that when the rented family goes away I could rent until the paperwork for buying is done. That’s clever and good. I’ll suggest that to the realtor as soon as I see her. I know I am getting the loan via Retiro, and that everything will run smoothly… Why? I can’t say why… I just feel it… It’s one of those things you must trust without thinking of logic, because it feels right… If I can help others get their dream come true is a plus. I love trying to help.

I’ve been off the net at nights, trying to rest my eyes and get my proper sleep and having more fun. Everything is about balance, and I want to achieve that little by little. I absolutely enjoy playing with my kitties… At least 10 minutes with each so they all know they are important. It is a good thing.

Groundel is job-hunting for a part-time, odds are looking good. Seems he will end up working as I did in my first job… For me it was ewwww, but who knows… Maybe he will like it… Trilogy will embark to the Dominican Republic today, staying there until Monday, doing his practice for the tourism thinguie-whatever.

Lucinda’s car broke down 2-3 weeks ago, the detail I didn’t knew is that it didn’t turn on at her work, and so… It has been sleeping and living in the parking lot for all this time because she needs to get a truck to get it home… Sheeessssssh. I didn’t know it was illegal to pull a car with another car… Laws are getting more consumer-scavenging by the minute. So… That and her being without a phone for 2 weeks made her vanish into oblivion. I went over her house on Wednesday night, and it was a treat. There was chocolate, KFC chicken, good company and MazingerZ complete series. See? It’s the small things in life that makes the difference.

Coriolis will raid Tuscano and Dancing-Dragon for medieval-Egyptian Hindu décor for his new house. Either that or he will take his making a living with PVC clothing seriously. LOL I’m really happy for him. He finally has a place to call his own, a place where he can be one with… something? Just one with himself. Cheers to that! :)

Well… This weekend I plan to visit Candi in Moca, and if time allows maybe also drop by Sylvia’s home. Candi retired from work after 3osomething years serving here… and she is missed very, very much. Balta has to give her some CD’s, and so I plan to tag along and make a small “bembé”. Let’s see if the plan comes together.

That’s it for the news business… The paladin signs off…

10-4

Ok, so I think I have found the place I want to get for myself. It has two beautiful views: One towards Cerro Las Mesas and one towards the seaside. Yesterday I went to see it for the second time, and it was like a spell that definitively is growing stronger. The sunset was stunning. It’s funny, it seems that I am getting to see the place little by little so I don’t get too overwhelmed by it. One acre, beautiful sight that is PERFECT for painting… SPACE the final frontier… Oh, yes, PLENTY of space… I hope I can get it, I will certainly try every mean possible for that purpose. I’ve fallen in love after all… And it feels grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

Work: Same old
People: Same old
Friends: Same old
Kitties: Same old

Life: Finally getting better…

10-4

A dream of you, a thought in blue
Funeral realism in Baco’s withering
A moonstone well shining a spell…
Innocent guilt… A dream of you…

Tattered blessing in impish truth!
Days run away stealing a corpse,
Requiems “ post-morte” stopped in a blur
Whispering moanings calling you forth.

Carnivalesque nightmare, balloons of silver…
Annihilates cherubs that selfishly quiver…
A dream of you, a damn reclusion
Was…, will be…, nevermore… Illusion…

False prophet, visage of lies,
And dreams known, dimensional debris
Wake up! Stand! Shield the bare core!
Eyes sunken in bloody gore…

A dream of you… a thought in blue
Caressing both time and thoughts…
Bewildered on its own premonition…
Collapsing into the ethereal loss…

-Kymill the Bard, Feb 2005

And so, I dream of you… And drift between stasis and realism… Everything is slow, no thrills, no surprise… Prefabricated actions and sequential do’s. Stale, boring, same day-by-day… About to change in a lovely way… Perhaps what was will be once more… Nevermore the past, unknown future comes… Present of slow, of setting and questing… Thoughts deepen the anguish and agony… No answers. More questions. More if’s. More deliberations. More slavery. Eruptions of invisible truth burns the simple life, and so the crackled bones show through.
Wicked.
Paranoid.
Epitomic.
Solipsism
Raging drums foretell the end…
Or beginning…

I’m tired, sad, bored… This job pays the bills but gives absolutely no challenge to me… I hate being between 4 walls, all day long… I need movement, action, mental stimuli… Ah… What’s the use… Nothing interesting appears and although I try to keep myself busy I am not the kind of person that likes simply doing nothing. People tell me read something, sleep… WTF? How about really working? One thing is taking things easy, another is being part of this drama… And then people wonder why gov jobs have bad reputation… 75% are non-motivated and unhappy and doesn’t care anymore… If only you could simply do what you were MEANT to do in life… But that is another story… For me, that is the biggest problem because I like doing so many things… Event coordination seems to be the most rightful thing, painting murals… just painting… web page art, graphic art, advertising… I had so many plans and I was stupid not to do them when I had the major drive to do so. Should have taken advantage of my college years… Oh, well… No point dwelling on that…

Want a place to call home and mean it. To paint, to make my kitties happy and to be. A big challenge, maybe… But I have faith that what is good for me will come.

Lucinda is still missing in action… I hope she is ok. Coriolis appeared from an uncharted island and seems happier than last week at least… I was worried about him… Groundel keeps up the good job with the Sims and with FR:BG. Joe is happy as a bunny with LS. And auntie has been cooking good all these days.

I guess life ain’t so bad after all… Bad and worst give way to creative alternatives, and keeping belief that something good will happen after the thin cows are over is the best remedy… Even if it doesn’t fight the blues away…

10-4

Weird weekend.

I guess Coriolis wanted to be secluded and all alone as he didnt answer my calls. Kept calling so there are no complaints like " Me muero y me encuentran x la peste" but seems that even if he actually dies that will be the case... He's gone, kaput, vanished... Entered the Twilight Zone? Abducted by aliens? Captive by indonesian monkees? Or maybe just working in a gay bar, wearing a PVC short and caged inside a feathered boa jail? Who knows... He's so weird... LOL

Lucinda maybe, just maybe, had the same fate... She didnt bring her kittie on Thursday and havent heard from her in 4 days... I passed by the doc yeasterday and her car was there but no answer... Is she alive? What is going on? Is this a prank? A weird episode of the Far Side? Hmmm...

No one has blogged in days... including me... Well, a weekend away from computers? People actually having things to do? Wow... Yes, this was a WEIRD weekend...

Me... Looking at houses, visiting pals and eating at aunties and watching TLC shows... Sleeping and caring for my kitties and enjoying Xena and the Sims.

Feeling: Neutral. Zoomed-out. Zoned-out. Bizarre. Curious. Thoughtful. Thinking. Unkind. Bitchy. Cranky.

10-4

You Know You're Addicted to Ebay When...

Every time you go to the grocery store, you offer the cashier one cent more for each item in the cart of the person in front of you. To cut costs, FedEx and UPS are considering relocating their operations centers to your house. Sitting on the floor of your empty apartment, you stare at your fingers and wonder whether they'll sell better individually or as a matched set. Your spouse is loving and caring but you decided to file for divorce because you need the storage space. You're the reason they adopted the "No selling your children's vital organs" policy. ou find yourself searching eBay auctions for milk, eggs and bread. When your wife agrees to have sex with you, you become suspicious and ask how many other bidders there were. Just ask your kids, eRay and eFaye. After a particularly passionate night, you lean over and whisper in your spouse’s ear, "Excellent service, great communication! Would recommend again! AAAA++++" You set your alarm clock for 3 am so you can log on to protect your bid. You've called someone a naughty name for outbidding you at the last second. You've questioned your sanity because of the price you've bid... more than once. You've changed all your clocks to "eBay official time (PDT)." You've bid on something even though the picture doesn't show up correctly. You've purposely run up the bid on something similar for which you paid more. You've rolled your eyes at the word "antique" or "vintage" used on something made in the past decade. You've gritted your teeth each time you've clicked on a description that uses the word "L@@K." You've turned up the volume on your email alert so you'll never miss an Outbid Notice. You've made "My eBay" your default home page. You've emailed a seller to correct their description with accurate dates or details. You've come to rely on "convenience cash" from PayPal and wish you could pay all your bills like that. You've earned a "Shooting Star" Feedback Profile for more than 10,000 purchases! You won't go to estate auctions because they don't take PayPal. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Ebay.

Get Your Own Addicted Meme Here



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Blogthings

Come on baby let’s get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
There’s a chill in my bones
I don’t want to be left alone
So baby you can sleep while I drive
I’ll pack my bag and load up my guitar
In my pocket I’ll carry my harp
I got some money I saved
Enough to get underway
And baby you can sleep while I drive

We’ll go thorough tucson up to santa fe
And barbara in nashville says we’re welcome to stay
I’ll buy you glasses in texas a hat from new orleans
And in the morning you can tell me your dreams

You know I’ve seen it before
This mist that covers your eyes
You’ve been looking for something
That’s not in your life
My intentions are true
Won’t you take me with you
And baby you can sleep while I drive

Oh is it other arms you want to
Hold you the stranger
The lover you’re free
Can’t you get that with me

Come on baby let’s get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
If you won’t take me with you
I’ll go before night is through
And baby you can sleep while I drive

-Melissa Etheridge, You can sleep while I drive

I took two days off, and adding monday that means 5 days off... I need the rest. I am feeling sick and weak and I need to get better.

In other notes, I am feeling very sad and concerned for a dear friend. He is going through some tough times and I wish I could do more than giving moral support... My heart to you, and my prayers (yes, I do pray) include you so things get back on track and you find a ray of meaning to your life. Do not think that it would be best to die... This is where challenges lay, and true warriors prove themselves worthy by battling each day keeping honor, love, faith and hope intact. You have much to do, for yourself and for others. Your burdens ironically are your blessings... I wish I could have a family that looked up to me... I wish I could have savored such love when I was very young... Your tight spot is just a test, so hang in there, you are strong and you will realize you are even stronger after your weaknesses vanish. Do not ever doubt yourself. You are beautiful, inside out, upside down. You have the mind of an elf, the spirit of a dreamer and the body of a warrior. Your purpose is to achieve perfection, but first there are many lessons and tests that you must overcome... to make you worthy of an ultimate freedom and and ultimate peace. There are things you still have to learn in matters of feelings... And when you finally learn those teachings THEN you will understand even further... It is not stupid to love in every sense of the word... in truth, Love IS the way. Remember... And do not let the star that guides you fade... Do not doubt your spirit and beauty... Do not doubt that in the end you will be happy. I can promise you that. I know.

10-4

I feel drained, very very tired… I would have stayed at home sleeping the whole day… Feel like doing absolutely nothing… No news for now…

Yesterday watched some Grrrrrrrrrrrrreat anime:
My Neighbor Totoro: LOL It is one of those happy movies that is completely weird and leaves you wanting more. The cat-bus was hilarious, and Totoro was fun. If u like things like Ranma ½, you will love this movie.

The Cat Lord: I think this is the sort-of sequel for Spirited Away… this time, the voyage of a girl ends up in a land of cats… Loved it. I idn’t knew it was all about cats…LOL

On the oppossite side, watched the movie Koma: A korean suspense-thriller of sorts… based on the fact that there are people out there that abduicts you to take internal body parts and leaves you to your fate (such as kidneys). Nice movie, with the actresses from the Eye 1 and 2.

Lucinda called, saying she’s got the complete Mazinger series. Woah! And might be getting Candi-Candi and Harlock. Me want!!!! Add Thundercats to that list, thank-you-very-mucho... :P

10-4

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!
-Lucy, Peanuts


Well, after a lot of stress making a room turn into a Valentine Bash, the activity just ended and it was a success. Everyone had fun, the ambience was great and I arrived in time to get a nice double dosis of a good meal and cake. Yay!!! Lucinda, rejoice, you have won a nice Alice in Wonderland decoration for Barbie! Jajaja... Well, I will keep the Cheshire Cat, of course. Duh! Besides that, really tired but maybe I'll have enough energy to at least walk a bit in the afternoon...

10-4

What a weekend! I am exhausted!!! Spent Saturday afternoon hunting for Valentines stuff for the activity, the sun was high and the heat was overwhelming. Joe called as he arrived to my hometown. I went to pick him up to take him to the mall, where his gf works… He was definitely prepared for the weakend and reeeeady for love, as he was visibly protected with a red condom around his head. LOL Ah, men and their fashion statements… LOL I knew that there was a rapper beneath the gloomy gore… ;) Anyway… procrastinated quite a bit in the creative factory and decided to go to sleep early as I was literally drooling over the game control…

On Sunday… Oh, Sunday… Woke up early and started the painting business. Was going to crash Sara’s to paint some more, but decided to make the sketches first. Didn’t realize that it was 6pm… So hunger strikes, and went to auntie’s for a good meal. Then arrived to paint the sketches… Stayed up to 4am… but finished. Nice. I need white paint to finish off some details, but it all came together flawlessly.

Today… Valentine’s day. At work… Everyone giving candy and chocolate and cards. Well… My sugar will be high today, but what the heck, cannot be on healthy-mode forever… :P

To everyone in my cast: HAPPY VALENTINE’s DAY!!!! And to everyone else: Screw you! ;) Nah, I hope that the day is at least bearable for you all. Me… Although sad inside I may be able to survive… After all, I am in zombie mode and I may be hitting my bed by 5pm to never wake up again… Buahahahahahahahah…

Lucinda: Thanks for 19 incredible years of wonder and on your face friendship! Good, bad, ugly and beautiful... Always there no matter what, open, with a warm smile even in distress... Thanks for liking me the way I am, period. It's the kind of friendship that drama movies are made of... :))

Coriolis: Thanks for 12 years of mind-bonding, weirdness and stringless honesty. We shall rule the world someday, Pinky!!! Thanks for teaching me the hardest lessons in life... For listening, supporting, amonesting, warning, spanking and truth... Comment: Can you try being a bit gentler, ppplllleassseeee? Ouch! LOL

Groundel: Thanks for 11 years of friendship and laughs and good and bad... We have grown in many things thanks to each other. And through it all, the constant respect and support and goodwill and laughs are there... It all has NOT been a waste of time. We are better people thanks to everything. Always remember that.

Trilogy: Thanks for 13 years of being a pain in the ass. Through good and bad you always surface and bring rays of joy... Although so many times it is hard not to get biased, I know that you are a loud mouth and that you do not really say in good words what you really mean... I know what lies silent in your heart. And because I know your heart, I understand. Thanks for keeping some promises...

Zordak: 13 years as well... and still with the same halfinglish attitude! :)) Thanks for your listening skills, support and making me laugh.

Joe: Thanks for the understanding and punitive raw truth. Nothing so refreshing as a person who is not a two-face. Count on me always!!!

MrFlach: Thanks for bringing selfless laughter and good advice to this corner of the Caribbean

Kara: Thanks for being there to hear weird rants. Love you, sis!

Vero: Haven't met you in person but find some affinity with you... Hope you get all you deserve. Thanks for being around!

El Calvo: Thanks for being a mentor, a counselor, a friend, an advisor, a decorator, and a person who always push me to be my best against all odds.

Special thanks to La Sombra, SepulcroBlanqueado, Dia-de-Solo, y Nameless y the ConvictedDMess. You all taught me what friends shouldn't do, so you help me to be pickier and less trusting of Humanity in general.

So, I remind you all that although I am not evil I'm still wicked, although I am innocent... I am not naive..., although I am loveable I am devilish, and although I am a saint I'm still a witch...

Who wants to be my Valentine? Who?... Who?
LOL

10-4

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me-e, yeah

Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Darlin', darlin', stand by me-e, stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

-B E King, Stand by me

Dedicated to Coriolis, my best friend. No hard feelings, just more love and respect.

I can't stop thinking of you
The things we used to do
The secrets we once shared
I'll always find them there
In my memories

But this heartache isn't going anywhere
In the public eye i act like i don't care
When there's no one watching me
I'm crying

Chorus:

I will always have you, inside of me
Even though you're gone
Love still carries on
Love, inside of me

I keep a picture of you
Next to my bed at night
And when i wake up scared
I know i'll find you there
Watching over me

Bridge:

When my world seems to crumble all around
And foolish people try to bring me down
I just think of your smiling face
And i'm flying

(chorus)

You'll always be inside of my heart
Inside of me

(bridge)
(chorus)

I will always have you, inside of me
Even though you're gone
Love still carries on
Love still carries on

I will always feel you
You'll always be inside of my heart
I'll always have you inside of me
I will always have you

-Madonna, Inside of me

Skipped work today... My eyes feeling better, migraine behaving and tummy back on track. Will begin the deco this afternoon... And will see some houses too (appeared out of nowhere at very tempting prices...)

Spiritually shaken, romantically broken...

Kitties eating my meal... Bad kitties! Bad!

10-4

I do look for happiness. I am not afraid of change. The only thing is that there is noone around me that is worthy of me. No one that interests me. No one that makes me feel like exploring their world.

I whine here, but in my real life I have been posting resumes forever, all the time. It is not my fault that when interviews come they offer less than I earn and that is a no-no. Sorry, but I cannot settle for less because I have to live my life even if its miserable. I gotta pay the bils and eat because no one do it for me. I have been looking for a new job week after week after week. Not stopping. So... Saying I settle for my job is out of line. I am in my job because it is what I have right now. I know my time will come, I have the talents. I just need to find the opportunity.

Friends... In real life I am openning up to some people I have not mentioned here. That is a slow work because I need the stats of trust and truth filled up first before I say they are my friends. So, they shall remain anonimous. Besides these guys and girls that are showing caring and make me laugh, I name only the most important people in my life because that's what they are: The Most Important. My aunt, Pabon, Lucinda, Groundel, Coriolis, Trilogy, Popu, Kara, Michael, Zordak... They are very important to me. Hello, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I DO HAVE OTHER PEOPLE TO SEE AND TALK TO! But they are not that important. And who is important deserve credit. So, here they are, this is my way of saying: THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU, FORGIVE ME IF I DID SOMETHING WRONG and I AM HERE ALWAYS. So... I HATE clubs, not my ambience. I HATE bars, not interested. I go to the movies when there is cash and the same applies to other activities. If it interests me, I do it. If not, no one can make me eat it. This is me, raw. I have my beliefs and tastes and I change what I see is bad, but sadly for many hear this: I LOVE MYSELF, if I could clone myself I would marry ME, I worship my beliefs and my success. I know who I am, where I come from and where I am going. I do not need speeches of self-esteem because I am full of it.

Basically THAT is my problem. Romantically, I need someone that is like me... high achiever, high self-esteem, non-conformist and anarkist. So... Romantically, seems I am veru fucked. But friends, I do have them. And people I know, I do have them. And sincerely, that's more than enough. I KNOW I never walk alone.

So... covered work and friends... Obssessive behavior? I love cats, dragons and sunflowers. So what? That's my vice. And it makes me happy. So, moonie to all who makes fun of my abssessions. MOON YOU ALL!!! LOL

My bitter writing... Yes, bitter... I am bitter... I am insane... I am mad... So what? I am very polite and kind with people BECAUSE I used to be a blunt bitch that care less about people's feelings and that was plain wrong... So, now I say the bad things as they come to my mind HERE. This is MY MIND. This is where I throw all my DIRT. This is where I escape. It has nothing to do with doing NOTHING in my real life. This is not real, really. This is just one side of a many-sided diamond. This is dark-lonely-grim-gritty-unpolite-tired me. But I have many other sides that are not here. Because they don't need to. Because Lawful good Miss V lives in real life, Chaotic Good Lyoness lives in real life, Evil Deirdre lives in real life... So... Mad Witch Vierna lives here.

No, not upset. Just straightening some points because I am soooo easily missunderstood... I am so unbalanced and illogical that ALL of YOU love me for that... and you KNOW it.

Back to the scheduled program...

Me and a gun…
Seconds muted
blood surfacing
dreams vanishing
hate slipping
faith fading
shadows crouching.

Me and a gun…
life blinking
love laughing
hope shivering
innocence surrendering
angels falling
And demons feasting.

Me… and a gun
nerves distressing
friends weeping
lovers regretting
family crying
Spirit dying
Body revolting…

Me and a gun
Dream and curse
Drop on the floor
Colide the thoughts
Vanish the known
Remember…
Withdraw and reborn.

_Kymill the Bard, Feb 2005

It is all my fault. I am a never-ending dreamer that gets crushed as a bug gets crushed with a windshield… because of dreams… because I know what I want but somehow the game turns up in a way so I cannot get it. And I know I deserve it all… But somehow nothing is ever enough… And somehow I am destined to be little, to be killed endlessly, to be ignored and thrashed… I wish I had the skills to be evil, so I could really get what I want. If I were evil, I’ll have it all… But among everything, I choose to be good and have faith and care… And I don’t lie. And spitting out the truth all my life has left me with nothing. Not that I am going to change that… But, it is a fact. I am so beautiful… But what’s the use? No one appreciates me for real. No one will ever see the woman I am. It is my destiny. A warrior princess that got killed in a last battle, and forever remains there as a lovely ghost.

Wednesday… Tired as hell. Yesterday could not sleep, tossing & turning. Decided to get up, wash my hair, and get some fictional air in the living room… I still have not started the deco for the party, I am too depressed even for that… (sigh) I guess that I foresee myself doing the assignment over the weekend. It is too much getting off work and trying to do something in my house… Right now it is almost an impossible task… By 7pm I am catching zzzzz… That’s how it has been the whole week… Am I having a midlife crisis or something? LOL Who knows… I know I am anxious, and even a bit unnerved… And even if I try to put all my shit together, the glue to bind the pieces is missing.

I should not try to buy a house… It makes no sense… I want to change my career because I am drowning in stalement at this fucking job… I am not professionally appreciated, I have no challenges, and each time I have less things to do, less responsibilities and more jobs that should belong to a janitor or a student… I have an MBA for heaven’s sake! And they use it as toilet paper. Government is not for me in terms of the colors fight… PNP vs PPD, who screw who first. It is plain simple, it doesn’t matter just how much you screw yourself doing things right… If you have no friends in the proper places, you are doomed. Until I find a job that makes me happy and positive, I cannot try or even think of getting a house. Another thing from the wish list that I must put on hold.

I was watching pics that I sent to the lady that did my wedding veil… I posed very ironically… It saddens me. It deeply saddens me. I really put all my heart in doing that wedding, for a whole year I did so much and it was the main thing in my head… Now, it seems like a mirage. I still don’t know if I made the right choice putting things on hold. I feel I wasted my time and people’s time and money when I cancelled… I know things went beyond tight monetary speaking… And the uncertainty within me was not helping… But my current whereabouts make me think that perhaps that was the only chance I had to do such a thing. It was one of my dreams after all… Problem is, I want a 100% certification that it will be forever, because I believe marriage should be forever. And how or where should I get such a thing? All is a game of chance. But for me… the girl who wanted to become a nun so many years ago… Failure at marriage would be the ultimate devastation… Why? Because I believe on it, strongly… And it seems that just because of that I will not be able to say “ I do” .

I should have sticked to my original plan, I would have married God and perhaps I would have been happier. But… That was then… This is now. Now I am hurt, I make fun of the whole thing but I am hurt… The people I‘ve loved most have failed me deeply, and have demonstrated I am not their priority. For one is friends, for the other is games, and for the other is himself. No one puts me first. No one puts me in a shrine, no one has details with me, no one hugs me to sleep, no one shares my dreams… And still I give all I have, all my love… And receive nothing… As always… (sight) Love disenchants me. Love disappoints me. Love is mean and hard with me. Love have shredded my self to pieces every time, and have left only ashes. Love has always been my prison, my hangman, my reaper… I wish myself to stop loving, to feel nothing, to be logic and to follow my own instructions… But I am too much of an empath…

I am feelings. I feel everything around me, and I react for everything I feel… I hate it, but it is something that I cannot control, it is a force beyond me… an enslaving waking nightmare. I hate Love. Because it has been indifferent with me, it has spurned me, it has deceived me, it has betrayed me, it has laughed in my face, it has nailed my heart, it has destroyed my hopes and dreams… I hate Love. Kill the little bastard if you find it, for me… Kill it, so I can be free at last…

10-4

This week has been… stressful. Yesterday I got home and… tadaaaaaa! No phone. Dead. Not even a blip-blip. Grrrrr… Today I arrived to my job and some computers were not going into the network… After assigning static IP’s and sitting down to think (finally) I discovered that for some reason the server was changed from DHCP to static… Sooooo… It was not assigning the IP pool… Amen to that one being solved easily after a 1 ½ stress breakout because users do not understand that unless you ask them, yes, you know there ARE problems and yes YOU are trying to solve them while they keep whining and interrupting… Called PRTC to see if they show up and check the line… And finally had a break to sit, Bubu, sit… (sight) During the afternoon I’ll have to attend an informative meeting about the lame changes that HR implemented in the agency (which left everyone grumpy and with no monetary improvement). What a wonderful world…

On the only highlight of the week, received Xena:Season5 yesterday… So, I’m feeding the vein. Well, today I’ll have to stop on that because gotta do the deco for the Valentine thinguie. And I am NOT using the weekend for that. I also won the bid for a swimsuit that I have been hunting for ever since November… Wheeeee!!!

No sign of my living-dead friends, I guess some are mad at me… Or they just cannot call me up because I have no phone… Soooooo… I’ll be polite and think about the second reason.

Sleepy, unnerved, tired, cranky, misunderstood, misrepresented, missed? LOL Whatever…

10-4

Waking up can be blissfull... or not. It would be nice to create an environment of happiness and harmony around you, so the burden would be... less... But sometimes no matter how much you try to be nice and positive people around you always conspire against your plans... (sight) What to do, what to do... It is almost hopeless...

Filled up some job postings to see if a miracle happens... I need challenge... This boring situation is beginning to make me tick...

Whatever... It's all in the Master's hand... Hope this game won't suck in the end...

10-4

Feeling: Moody, introspective, idealistic, creative, beautiful, bi-polar
Friends: Silent
Family: Quiet
Kitties: Mischievous
Weekend: Boring

Hopefully there will be some action... I said Action, not Stress, Pleaseee!... during next week.

Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
and you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance

Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker
And I'm fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature

What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred

Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around... all around

Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?
Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you olong for the next distraction
And all I need now is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no cencept of time other and it is flying
If only I could kill the killer

All I really want is some peace man
A place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice

-Alannis Morissette, All I Really Want

I can remember the very first time i cried
How i wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside
All of my memories - good and bad - that's past
Didn't even take the time to realize

Starin' at the cracks in the walls
Cuz i'm waiting for it all to come to an end
Still i curl up right under the bed
Cuz its takin' over my head all over again

Do you even know who you are?
I guess i'm tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
I want to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?

Lyin' awake watchin' the sunlight
How the birds will sing as i count the rings
Around my eyes
Constantly pushing the world i know aside
I don't even feel the pain, i don't even want to
Try

I'm lookin' for a way to become
The person that i dreamt of when i was sixteen
Oh, nothin' is ever enough
Ooh, baby, it ain't enough for what it may seem

Do you even know who you are?
I'm still tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Everybody wants to be
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No

Sorry girl, tell a tale for me
Cuz i'm wondering how you really feel
I'm a lonely girl, i'll tell a tale for you
Cuz i'm just tryin' to make all my dreams come
True

Do you even know who you are?
Oh, yeah, yeah
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Oh, i wanted to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell, i can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
I guess not, oh i guess not

Do you even know who you are?
Oh, i'm tryin' to find
A rising dream or a superstar?
Oh, i have a all these dreams
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No, no
Do you even know what you are?
A rising dream or a fallen star?
Is life good to you or is it bad?

-Pink, Lonely Girl

A dream.There was this strange reunion at my aunt's house. Coriolis, Groundel and Tril were there, and things were going well. We were all having fun. Then a neighbor appeared and as Coriolis made a smart remark I snapped back. We decided to talk in private, and as I closed the door he started crying and crying and crying histerically. You know, the kind of histeria when there's absolutely nothing more to do... I wanted to comfort him but didn't dare to get near him. I woke up pretty stirred up. Corilis is the kind of person that doesn't show feelings or weaknesses before anyone, but I have been there before to see this happen... And it scared me, deeply. I wish there was a way to make him understand some things in both our lives, because for someone who knows so much he sometimes overlooks what is really important and what is in his face... I feel bad, because I know he is not happy and I wish there was a way I could make him happy. Sounds silly, but in a way that we cannot understand we are attached to each other. I wish I could do more to show support and cheer him up and make him believe in how important he is for me. He is the only one I envision having a real family with. That deep runs my feelings and faith in him. But he never sees beyond the window, he doesn't dare to even touch the curtain to try looking at the dawn... And so I stay there, in the other side of the window... Looking into his life through the small crevices when the wind blows and the curtain moves with it... Looking at glimpses of his life... hurting when I see him hurt... wishing I could do what I simply can't... Witnessing the empty life others offer and whom he even gives chances that are mindless... I shall forever be there, because he changed my life completely... And even if I fail, he knows I am true to my people, there is no evil in my heart. I will always be his friend. It is just ironic that because of years past he still refuses to see... We are both so different from everyone else. We are both driven by the same forces. It doesn't take a genious to do the math... (sight) And I still wish for a miracle... Am I stupid or what...

I've been pretty lazy this weekend... Maybe its just that I am depressed... Maybe it's just that my mind overloaded my senses... Maybe I'm in short circuit and imploding... Whatever. I am tired... I have no more tears to spill so that part is a relief somehow... But I am tired as hell... No desire to go drive visit anyone, or to window shop... Not even to dial the phone... Tired of everything and everyone. Tired of reaching and feeling and believing... Drained. Dying. Holding on to the last shreds of what I always wanted... to my dreams...

Until the end comes and only darkness remains.

10-4

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.
-Tao Te Ching

Boredom leads towards exercising your right of being creative and killing time constructively. And so… Alas! The new images for this little corner of the net are born! It took a bit of patience, but I’m finally satisfied with the outcome. In the past images didn’t relate too much, here they all share a common ground and I think that they are more… real? Fire has always been my favorite element, being Aries obligates proving that fact… Fire, both beautiful, warm and volatile… can be of aid as well as it can be of destruction. So, here I am…

These days have gone fast and not a bit furious. Very peaceful, very silent, very dormant… In a way, that has been a nice interlude as everything has been so hurried that I’ve had no time to smell the roses in the past couple of months… This year I shall not worry and I shall just focus on my small goals. Little by little you do more than trying all at once and failing. Quality, not quantity.

A test to begin making a dream come true, then maybe a house, and then everything in its right place... That's the meaning of 2005.

10-4

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.