I feel happy. It’s been quite a while since the last time I felt this way. This whole week has given me something nice and good each day, you know… special little things that when you think about them make you feel you are lucky.

An example: Yesterday I had no money, not even 5 cents. By ten in the morning a co-worker left me a small bag with a “pastelillo”, just because. I couldn’t go have lunch or bring anything from home because I had nothing, and just browsed the net until the time to go back to work. Another co-worker arrived with a bag from a fast food and was in quite a rush. She gave me the bag and went on with her business. Inside, there was a nice Caesar’s salad. So, I had my lunch after all. It is little things like this, that happen even if you do not ask for them, that makes you believe that yes… there is a God, and yes… it pays off to be good.

I am still seeing houses, but mainly prescribing them to two co-workers who are looking, like me, but… somehow… they are a bit stray in matters of getting what they want/need. I strongly believe that the house I fall in love with will be mine, because I dream of it every night. The place gave a feeling of peace that no other has. Someone gave me the idea that when the rented family goes away I could rent until the paperwork for buying is done. That’s clever and good. I’ll suggest that to the realtor as soon as I see her. I know I am getting the loan via Retiro, and that everything will run smoothly… Why? I can’t say why… I just feel it… It’s one of those things you must trust without thinking of logic, because it feels right… If I can help others get their dream come true is a plus. I love trying to help.

I’ve been off the net at nights, trying to rest my eyes and get my proper sleep and having more fun. Everything is about balance, and I want to achieve that little by little. I absolutely enjoy playing with my kitties… At least 10 minutes with each so they all know they are important. It is a good thing.

Groundel is job-hunting for a part-time, odds are looking good. Seems he will end up working as I did in my first job… For me it was ewwww, but who knows… Maybe he will like it… Trilogy will embark to the Dominican Republic today, staying there until Monday, doing his practice for the tourism thinguie-whatever.

Lucinda’s car broke down 2-3 weeks ago, the detail I didn’t knew is that it didn’t turn on at her work, and so… It has been sleeping and living in the parking lot for all this time because she needs to get a truck to get it home… Sheeessssssh. I didn’t know it was illegal to pull a car with another car… Laws are getting more consumer-scavenging by the minute. So… That and her being without a phone for 2 weeks made her vanish into oblivion. I went over her house on Wednesday night, and it was a treat. There was chocolate, KFC chicken, good company and MazingerZ complete series. See? It’s the small things in life that makes the difference.

Coriolis will raid Tuscano and Dancing-Dragon for medieval-Egyptian Hindu décor for his new house. Either that or he will take his making a living with PVC clothing seriously. LOL I’m really happy for him. He finally has a place to call his own, a place where he can be one with… something? Just one with himself. Cheers to that! :)

Well… This weekend I plan to visit Candi in Moca, and if time allows maybe also drop by Sylvia’s home. Candi retired from work after 3osomething years serving here… and she is missed very, very much. Balta has to give her some CD’s, and so I plan to tag along and make a small “bembé”. Let’s see if the plan comes together.

That’s it for the news business… The paladin signs off…

10-4

Ok, so I think I have found the place I want to get for myself. It has two beautiful views: One towards Cerro Las Mesas and one towards the seaside. Yesterday I went to see it for the second time, and it was like a spell that definitively is growing stronger. The sunset was stunning. It’s funny, it seems that I am getting to see the place little by little so I don’t get too overwhelmed by it. One acre, beautiful sight that is PERFECT for painting… SPACE the final frontier… Oh, yes, PLENTY of space… I hope I can get it, I will certainly try every mean possible for that purpose. I’ve fallen in love after all… And it feels grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

Work: Same old
People: Same old
Friends: Same old
Kitties: Same old

Life: Finally getting better…

10-4

A dream of you, a thought in blue
Funeral realism in Baco’s withering
A moonstone well shining a spell…
Innocent guilt… A dream of you…

Tattered blessing in impish truth!
Days run away stealing a corpse,
Requiems “ post-morte” stopped in a blur
Whispering moanings calling you forth.

Carnivalesque nightmare, balloons of silver…
Annihilates cherubs that selfishly quiver…
A dream of you, a damn reclusion
Was…, will be…, nevermore… Illusion…

False prophet, visage of lies,
And dreams known, dimensional debris
Wake up! Stand! Shield the bare core!
Eyes sunken in bloody gore…

A dream of you… a thought in blue
Caressing both time and thoughts…
Bewildered on its own premonition…
Collapsing into the ethereal loss…

-Kymill the Bard, Feb 2005

And so, I dream of you… And drift between stasis and realism… Everything is slow, no thrills, no surprise… Prefabricated actions and sequential do’s. Stale, boring, same day-by-day… About to change in a lovely way… Perhaps what was will be once more… Nevermore the past, unknown future comes… Present of slow, of setting and questing… Thoughts deepen the anguish and agony… No answers. More questions. More if’s. More deliberations. More slavery. Eruptions of invisible truth burns the simple life, and so the crackled bones show through.
Wicked.
Paranoid.
Epitomic.
Solipsism
Raging drums foretell the end…
Or beginning…

I’m tired, sad, bored… This job pays the bills but gives absolutely no challenge to me… I hate being between 4 walls, all day long… I need movement, action, mental stimuli… Ah… What’s the use… Nothing interesting appears and although I try to keep myself busy I am not the kind of person that likes simply doing nothing. People tell me read something, sleep… WTF? How about really working? One thing is taking things easy, another is being part of this drama… And then people wonder why gov jobs have bad reputation… 75% are non-motivated and unhappy and doesn’t care anymore… If only you could simply do what you were MEANT to do in life… But that is another story… For me, that is the biggest problem because I like doing so many things… Event coordination seems to be the most rightful thing, painting murals… just painting… web page art, graphic art, advertising… I had so many plans and I was stupid not to do them when I had the major drive to do so. Should have taken advantage of my college years… Oh, well… No point dwelling on that…

Want a place to call home and mean it. To paint, to make my kitties happy and to be. A big challenge, maybe… But I have faith that what is good for me will come.

Lucinda is still missing in action… I hope she is ok. Coriolis appeared from an uncharted island and seems happier than last week at least… I was worried about him… Groundel keeps up the good job with the Sims and with FR:BG. Joe is happy as a bunny with LS. And auntie has been cooking good all these days.

I guess life ain’t so bad after all… Bad and worst give way to creative alternatives, and keeping belief that something good will happen after the thin cows are over is the best remedy… Even if it doesn’t fight the blues away…

10-4

Weird weekend.

I guess Coriolis wanted to be secluded and all alone as he didnt answer my calls. Kept calling so there are no complaints like " Me muero y me encuentran x la peste" but seems that even if he actually dies that will be the case... He's gone, kaput, vanished... Entered the Twilight Zone? Abducted by aliens? Captive by indonesian monkees? Or maybe just working in a gay bar, wearing a PVC short and caged inside a feathered boa jail? Who knows... He's so weird... LOL

Lucinda maybe, just maybe, had the same fate... She didnt bring her kittie on Thursday and havent heard from her in 4 days... I passed by the doc yeasterday and her car was there but no answer... Is she alive? What is going on? Is this a prank? A weird episode of the Far Side? Hmmm...

No one has blogged in days... including me... Well, a weekend away from computers? People actually having things to do? Wow... Yes, this was a WEIRD weekend...

Me... Looking at houses, visiting pals and eating at aunties and watching TLC shows... Sleeping and caring for my kitties and enjoying Xena and the Sims.

Feeling: Neutral. Zoomed-out. Zoned-out. Bizarre. Curious. Thoughtful. Thinking. Unkind. Bitchy. Cranky.

10-4

You Know You're Addicted to Ebay When...

Every time you go to the grocery store, you offer the cashier one cent more for each item in the cart of the person in front of you. To cut costs, FedEx and UPS are considering relocating their operations centers to your house. Sitting on the floor of your empty apartment, you stare at your fingers and wonder whether they'll sell better individually or as a matched set. Your spouse is loving and caring but you decided to file for divorce because you need the storage space. You're the reason they adopted the "No selling your children's vital organs" policy. ou find yourself searching eBay auctions for milk, eggs and bread. When your wife agrees to have sex with you, you become suspicious and ask how many other bidders there were. Just ask your kids, eRay and eFaye. After a particularly passionate night, you lean over and whisper in your spouse’s ear, "Excellent service, great communication! Would recommend again! AAAA++++" You set your alarm clock for 3 am so you can log on to protect your bid. You've called someone a naughty name for outbidding you at the last second. You've questioned your sanity because of the price you've bid... more than once. You've changed all your clocks to "eBay official time (PDT)." You've bid on something even though the picture doesn't show up correctly. You've purposely run up the bid on something similar for which you paid more. You've rolled your eyes at the word "antique" or "vintage" used on something made in the past decade. You've gritted your teeth each time you've clicked on a description that uses the word "L@@K." You've turned up the volume on your email alert so you'll never miss an Outbid Notice. You've made "My eBay" your default home page. You've emailed a seller to correct their description with accurate dates or details. You've come to rely on "convenience cash" from PayPal and wish you could pay all your bills like that. You've earned a "Shooting Star" Feedback Profile for more than 10,000 purchases! You won't go to estate auctions because they don't take PayPal. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Ebay.

Get Your Own Addicted Meme Here



More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

Come on baby let’s get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
There’s a chill in my bones
I don’t want to be left alone
So baby you can sleep while I drive
I’ll pack my bag and load up my guitar
In my pocket I’ll carry my harp
I got some money I saved
Enough to get underway
And baby you can sleep while I drive

We’ll go thorough tucson up to santa fe
And barbara in nashville says we’re welcome to stay
I’ll buy you glasses in texas a hat from new orleans
And in the morning you can tell me your dreams

You know I’ve seen it before
This mist that covers your eyes
You’ve been looking for something
That’s not in your life
My intentions are true
Won’t you take me with you
And baby you can sleep while I drive

Oh is it other arms you want to
Hold you the stranger
The lover you’re free
Can’t you get that with me

Come on baby let’s get out of this town
I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down
If you won’t take me with you
I’ll go before night is through
And baby you can sleep while I drive

-Melissa Etheridge, You can sleep while I drive

I took two days off, and adding monday that means 5 days off... I need the rest. I am feeling sick and weak and I need to get better.

In other notes, I am feeling very sad and concerned for a dear friend. He is going through some tough times and I wish I could do more than giving moral support... My heart to you, and my prayers (yes, I do pray) include you so things get back on track and you find a ray of meaning to your life. Do not think that it would be best to die... This is where challenges lay, and true warriors prove themselves worthy by battling each day keeping honor, love, faith and hope intact. You have much to do, for yourself and for others. Your burdens ironically are your blessings... I wish I could have a family that looked up to me... I wish I could have savored such love when I was very young... Your tight spot is just a test, so hang in there, you are strong and you will realize you are even stronger after your weaknesses vanish. Do not ever doubt yourself. You are beautiful, inside out, upside down. You have the mind of an elf, the spirit of a dreamer and the body of a warrior. Your purpose is to achieve perfection, but first there are many lessons and tests that you must overcome... to make you worthy of an ultimate freedom and and ultimate peace. There are things you still have to learn in matters of feelings... And when you finally learn those teachings THEN you will understand even further... It is not stupid to love in every sense of the word... in truth, Love IS the way. Remember... And do not let the star that guides you fade... Do not doubt your spirit and beauty... Do not doubt that in the end you will be happy. I can promise you that. I know.

10-4

I feel drained, very very tired… I would have stayed at home sleeping the whole day… Feel like doing absolutely nothing… No news for now…

Yesterday watched some Grrrrrrrrrrrrreat anime:
My Neighbor Totoro: LOL It is one of those happy movies that is completely weird and leaves you wanting more. The cat-bus was hilarious, and Totoro was fun. If u like things like Ranma ½, you will love this movie.

The Cat Lord: I think this is the sort-of sequel for Spirited Away… this time, the voyage of a girl ends up in a land of cats… Loved it. I idn’t knew it was all about cats…LOL

On the oppossite side, watched the movie Koma: A korean suspense-thriller of sorts… based on the fact that there are people out there that abduicts you to take internal body parts and leaves you to your fate (such as kidneys). Nice movie, with the actresses from the Eye 1 and 2.

Lucinda called, saying she’s got the complete Mazinger series. Woah! And might be getting Candi-Candi and Harlock. Me want!!!! Add Thundercats to that list, thank-you-very-mucho... :P

10-4

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt!
-Lucy, Peanuts


Well, after a lot of stress making a room turn into a Valentine Bash, the activity just ended and it was a success. Everyone had fun, the ambience was great and I arrived in time to get a nice double dosis of a good meal and cake. Yay!!! Lucinda, rejoice, you have won a nice Alice in Wonderland decoration for Barbie! Jajaja... Well, I will keep the Cheshire Cat, of course. Duh! Besides that, really tired but maybe I'll have enough energy to at least walk a bit in the afternoon...

10-4

What a weekend! I am exhausted!!! Spent Saturday afternoon hunting for Valentines stuff for the activity, the sun was high and the heat was overwhelming. Joe called as he arrived to my hometown. I went to pick him up to take him to the mall, where his gf works… He was definitely prepared for the weakend and reeeeady for love, as he was visibly protected with a red condom around his head. LOL Ah, men and their fashion statements… LOL I knew that there was a rapper beneath the gloomy gore… ;) Anyway… procrastinated quite a bit in the creative factory and decided to go to sleep early as I was literally drooling over the game control…

On Sunday… Oh, Sunday… Woke up early and started the painting business. Was going to crash Sara’s to paint some more, but decided to make the sketches first. Didn’t realize that it was 6pm… So hunger strikes, and went to auntie’s for a good meal. Then arrived to paint the sketches… Stayed up to 4am… but finished. Nice. I need white paint to finish off some details, but it all came together flawlessly.

Today… Valentine’s day. At work… Everyone giving candy and chocolate and cards. Well… My sugar will be high today, but what the heck, cannot be on healthy-mode forever… :P

To everyone in my cast: HAPPY VALENTINE’s DAY!!!! And to everyone else: Screw you! ;) Nah, I hope that the day is at least bearable for you all. Me… Although sad inside I may be able to survive… After all, I am in zombie mode and I may be hitting my bed by 5pm to never wake up again… Buahahahahahahahah…

Lucinda: Thanks for 19 incredible years of wonder and on your face friendship! Good, bad, ugly and beautiful... Always there no matter what, open, with a warm smile even in distress... Thanks for liking me the way I am, period. It's the kind of friendship that drama movies are made of... :))

Coriolis: Thanks for 12 years of mind-bonding, weirdness and stringless honesty. We shall rule the world someday, Pinky!!! Thanks for teaching me the hardest lessons in life... For listening, supporting, amonesting, warning, spanking and truth... Comment: Can you try being a bit gentler, ppplllleassseeee? Ouch! LOL

Groundel: Thanks for 11 years of friendship and laughs and good and bad... We have grown in many things thanks to each other. And through it all, the constant respect and support and goodwill and laughs are there... It all has NOT been a waste of time. We are better people thanks to everything. Always remember that.

Trilogy: Thanks for 13 years of being a pain in the ass. Through good and bad you always surface and bring rays of joy... Although so many times it is hard not to get biased, I know that you are a loud mouth and that you do not really say in good words what you really mean... I know what lies silent in your heart. And because I know your heart, I understand. Thanks for keeping some promises...

Zordak: 13 years as well... and still with the same halfinglish attitude! :)) Thanks for your listening skills, support and making me laugh.

Joe: Thanks for the understanding and punitive raw truth. Nothing so refreshing as a person who is not a two-face. Count on me always!!!

MrFlach: Thanks for bringing selfless laughter and good advice to this corner of the Caribbean

Kara: Thanks for being there to hear weird rants. Love you, sis!

Vero: Haven't met you in person but find some affinity with you... Hope you get all you deserve. Thanks for being around!

El Calvo: Thanks for being a mentor, a counselor, a friend, an advisor, a decorator, and a person who always push me to be my best against all odds.

Special thanks to La Sombra, SepulcroBlanqueado, Dia-de-Solo, y Nameless y the ConvictedDMess. You all taught me what friends shouldn't do, so you help me to be pickier and less trusting of Humanity in general.

So, I remind you all that although I am not evil I'm still wicked, although I am innocent... I am not naive..., although I am loveable I am devilish, and although I am a saint I'm still a witch...

Who wants to be my Valentine? Who?... Who?
LOL

10-4

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me-e, yeah

Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Darlin', darlin', stand by me-e, stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

-B E King, Stand by me

Dedicated to Coriolis, my best friend. No hard feelings, just more love and respect.

I can't stop thinking of you
The things we used to do
The secrets we once shared
I'll always find them there
In my memories

But this heartache isn't going anywhere
In the public eye i act like i don't care
When there's no one watching me
I'm crying

Chorus:

I will always have you, inside of me
Even though you're gone
Love still carries on
Love, inside of me

I keep a picture of you
Next to my bed at night
And when i wake up scared
I know i'll find you there
Watching over me

Bridge:

When my world seems to crumble all around
And foolish people try to bring me down
I just think of your smiling face
And i'm flying

(chorus)

You'll always be inside of my heart
Inside of me

(bridge)
(chorus)

I will always have you, inside of me
Even though you're gone
Love still carries on
Love still carries on

I will always feel you
You'll always be inside of my heart
I'll always have you inside of me
I will always have you

-Madonna, Inside of me

Skipped work today... My eyes feeling better, migraine behaving and tummy back on track. Will begin the deco this afternoon... And will see some houses too (appeared out of nowhere at very tempting prices...)

Spiritually shaken, romantically broken...

Kitties eating my meal... Bad kitties! Bad!

10-4

I do look for happiness. I am not afraid of change. The only thing is that there is noone around me that is worthy of me. No one that interests me. No one that makes me feel like exploring their world.

I whine here, but in my real life I have been posting resumes forever, all the time. It is not my fault that when interviews come they offer less than I earn and that is a no-no. Sorry, but I cannot settle for less because I have to live my life even if its miserable. I gotta pay the bils and eat because no one do it for me. I have been looking for a new job week after week after week. Not stopping. So... Saying I settle for my job is out of line. I am in my job because it is what I have right now. I know my time will come, I have the talents. I just need to find the opportunity.

Friends... In real life I am openning up to some people I have not mentioned here. That is a slow work because I need the stats of trust and truth filled up first before I say they are my friends. So, they shall remain anonimous. Besides these guys and girls that are showing caring and make me laugh, I name only the most important people in my life because that's what they are: The Most Important. My aunt, Pabon, Lucinda, Groundel, Coriolis, Trilogy, Popu, Kara, Michael, Zordak... They are very important to me. Hello, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! I DO HAVE OTHER PEOPLE TO SEE AND TALK TO! But they are not that important. And who is important deserve credit. So, here they are, this is my way of saying: THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU, FORGIVE ME IF I DID SOMETHING WRONG and I AM HERE ALWAYS. So... I HATE clubs, not my ambience. I HATE bars, not interested. I go to the movies when there is cash and the same applies to other activities. If it interests me, I do it. If not, no one can make me eat it. This is me, raw. I have my beliefs and tastes and I change what I see is bad, but sadly for many hear this: I LOVE MYSELF, if I could clone myself I would marry ME, I worship my beliefs and my success. I know who I am, where I come from and where I am going. I do not need speeches of self-esteem because I am full of it.

Basically THAT is my problem. Romantically, I need someone that is like me... high achiever, high self-esteem, non-conformist and anarkist. So... Romantically, seems I am veru fucked. But friends, I do have them. And people I know, I do have them. And sincerely, that's more than enough. I KNOW I never walk alone.

So... covered work and friends... Obssessive behavior? I love cats, dragons and sunflowers. So what? That's my vice. And it makes me happy. So, moonie to all who makes fun of my abssessions. MOON YOU ALL!!! LOL

My bitter writing... Yes, bitter... I am bitter... I am insane... I am mad... So what? I am very polite and kind with people BECAUSE I used to be a blunt bitch that care less about people's feelings and that was plain wrong... So, now I say the bad things as they come to my mind HERE. This is MY MIND. This is where I throw all my DIRT. This is where I escape. It has nothing to do with doing NOTHING in my real life. This is not real, really. This is just one side of a many-sided diamond. This is dark-lonely-grim-gritty-unpolite-tired me. But I have many other sides that are not here. Because they don't need to. Because Lawful good Miss V lives in real life, Chaotic Good Lyoness lives in real life, Evil Deirdre lives in real life... So... Mad Witch Vierna lives here.

No, not upset. Just straightening some points because I am soooo easily missunderstood... I am so unbalanced and illogical that ALL of YOU love me for that... and you KNOW it.

Back to the scheduled program...

Me and a gun…
Seconds muted
blood surfacing
dreams vanishing
hate slipping
faith fading
shadows crouching.

Me and a gun…
life blinking
love laughing
hope shivering
innocence surrendering
angels falling
And demons feasting.

Me… and a gun
nerves distressing
friends weeping
lovers regretting
family crying
Spirit dying
Body revolting…

Me and a gun
Dream and curse
Drop on the floor
Colide the thoughts
Vanish the known
Remember…
Withdraw and reborn.

_Kymill the Bard, Feb 2005

It is all my fault. I am a never-ending dreamer that gets crushed as a bug gets crushed with a windshield… because of dreams… because I know what I want but somehow the game turns up in a way so I cannot get it. And I know I deserve it all… But somehow nothing is ever enough… And somehow I am destined to be little, to be killed endlessly, to be ignored and thrashed… I wish I had the skills to be evil, so I could really get what I want. If I were evil, I’ll have it all… But among everything, I choose to be good and have faith and care… And I don’t lie. And spitting out the truth all my life has left me with nothing. Not that I am going to change that… But, it is a fact. I am so beautiful… But what’s the use? No one appreciates me for real. No one will ever see the woman I am. It is my destiny. A warrior princess that got killed in a last battle, and forever remains there as a lovely ghost.

Wednesday… Tired as hell. Yesterday could not sleep, tossing & turning. Decided to get up, wash my hair, and get some fictional air in the living room… I still have not started the deco for the party, I am too depressed even for that… (sigh) I guess that I foresee myself doing the assignment over the weekend. It is too much getting off work and trying to do something in my house… Right now it is almost an impossible task… By 7pm I am catching zzzzz… That’s how it has been the whole week… Am I having a midlife crisis or something? LOL Who knows… I know I am anxious, and even a bit unnerved… And even if I try to put all my shit together, the glue to bind the pieces is missing.

I should not try to buy a house… It makes no sense… I want to change my career because I am drowning in stalement at this fucking job… I am not professionally appreciated, I have no challenges, and each time I have less things to do, less responsibilities and more jobs that should belong to a janitor or a student… I have an MBA for heaven’s sake! And they use it as toilet paper. Government is not for me in terms of the colors fight… PNP vs PPD, who screw who first. It is plain simple, it doesn’t matter just how much you screw yourself doing things right… If you have no friends in the proper places, you are doomed. Until I find a job that makes me happy and positive, I cannot try or even think of getting a house. Another thing from the wish list that I must put on hold.

I was watching pics that I sent to the lady that did my wedding veil… I posed very ironically… It saddens me. It deeply saddens me. I really put all my heart in doing that wedding, for a whole year I did so much and it was the main thing in my head… Now, it seems like a mirage. I still don’t know if I made the right choice putting things on hold. I feel I wasted my time and people’s time and money when I cancelled… I know things went beyond tight monetary speaking… And the uncertainty within me was not helping… But my current whereabouts make me think that perhaps that was the only chance I had to do such a thing. It was one of my dreams after all… Problem is, I want a 100% certification that it will be forever, because I believe marriage should be forever. And how or where should I get such a thing? All is a game of chance. But for me… the girl who wanted to become a nun so many years ago… Failure at marriage would be the ultimate devastation… Why? Because I believe on it, strongly… And it seems that just because of that I will not be able to say “ I do” .

I should have sticked to my original plan, I would have married God and perhaps I would have been happier. But… That was then… This is now. Now I am hurt, I make fun of the whole thing but I am hurt… The people I‘ve loved most have failed me deeply, and have demonstrated I am not their priority. For one is friends, for the other is games, and for the other is himself. No one puts me first. No one puts me in a shrine, no one has details with me, no one hugs me to sleep, no one shares my dreams… And still I give all I have, all my love… And receive nothing… As always… (sight) Love disenchants me. Love disappoints me. Love is mean and hard with me. Love have shredded my self to pieces every time, and have left only ashes. Love has always been my prison, my hangman, my reaper… I wish myself to stop loving, to feel nothing, to be logic and to follow my own instructions… But I am too much of an empath…

I am feelings. I feel everything around me, and I react for everything I feel… I hate it, but it is something that I cannot control, it is a force beyond me… an enslaving waking nightmare. I hate Love. Because it has been indifferent with me, it has spurned me, it has deceived me, it has betrayed me, it has laughed in my face, it has nailed my heart, it has destroyed my hopes and dreams… I hate Love. Kill the little bastard if you find it, for me… Kill it, so I can be free at last…

10-4

This week has been… stressful. Yesterday I got home and… tadaaaaaa! No phone. Dead. Not even a blip-blip. Grrrrr… Today I arrived to my job and some computers were not going into the network… After assigning static IP’s and sitting down to think (finally) I discovered that for some reason the server was changed from DHCP to static… Sooooo… It was not assigning the IP pool… Amen to that one being solved easily after a 1 ½ stress breakout because users do not understand that unless you ask them, yes, you know there ARE problems and yes YOU are trying to solve them while they keep whining and interrupting… Called PRTC to see if they show up and check the line… And finally had a break to sit, Bubu, sit… (sight) During the afternoon I’ll have to attend an informative meeting about the lame changes that HR implemented in the agency (which left everyone grumpy and with no monetary improvement). What a wonderful world…

On the only highlight of the week, received Xena:Season5 yesterday… So, I’m feeding the vein. Well, today I’ll have to stop on that because gotta do the deco for the Valentine thinguie. And I am NOT using the weekend for that. I also won the bid for a swimsuit that I have been hunting for ever since November… Wheeeee!!!

No sign of my living-dead friends, I guess some are mad at me… Or they just cannot call me up because I have no phone… Soooooo… I’ll be polite and think about the second reason.

Sleepy, unnerved, tired, cranky, misunderstood, misrepresented, missed? LOL Whatever…

10-4

Waking up can be blissfull... or not. It would be nice to create an environment of happiness and harmony around you, so the burden would be... less... But sometimes no matter how much you try to be nice and positive people around you always conspire against your plans... (sight) What to do, what to do... It is almost hopeless...

Filled up some job postings to see if a miracle happens... I need challenge... This boring situation is beginning to make me tick...

Whatever... It's all in the Master's hand... Hope this game won't suck in the end...

10-4

Feeling: Moody, introspective, idealistic, creative, beautiful, bi-polar
Friends: Silent
Family: Quiet
Kitties: Mischievous
Weekend: Boring

Hopefully there will be some action... I said Action, not Stress, Pleaseee!... during next week.

Do I stress you out
My sweater is on backwards and inside out
and you say how appropriate
I don't want to dissect everything today
I don't mean to pick you apart you see
But I can't help it
There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off
Slap me with a splintered ruler
And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already
If only I could hunt the hunter

And all I really want is some patience
A way to calm the angry voice
And all I really want is deliverance

Do I wear you out
You must wonder why I'm relentless and all strung out
I'm consumed by the chill of solitary
I'm like Estella
I like to reel it in and spit it out
I'm frustrated by your apathy
And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land
If only I could meet the Maker
And I'm fascinated by the spiritual man
I am humbled by his humble nature

What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate
Someone else to catch this drift
And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred

Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while
The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses
Falling all around... all around

Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?
Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you olong for the next distraction
And all I need now is intellectual intercourse
A soul to dig the hole much deeper
And I have no cencept of time other and it is flying
If only I could kill the killer

All I really want is some peace man
A place to find a common ground
And all I really want is a wavelength
All I really want is some comfort
A way to get my hands untied
And all I really want is some justice

-Alannis Morissette, All I Really Want

I can remember the very first time i cried
How i wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside
All of my memories - good and bad - that's past
Didn't even take the time to realize

Starin' at the cracks in the walls
Cuz i'm waiting for it all to come to an end
Still i curl up right under the bed
Cuz its takin' over my head all over again

Do you even know who you are?
I guess i'm tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
I want to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?

Lyin' awake watchin' the sunlight
How the birds will sing as i count the rings
Around my eyes
Constantly pushing the world i know aside
I don't even feel the pain, i don't even want to
Try

I'm lookin' for a way to become
The person that i dreamt of when i was sixteen
Oh, nothin' is ever enough
Ooh, baby, it ain't enough for what it may seem

Do you even know who you are?
I'm still tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Everybody wants to be
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No

Sorry girl, tell a tale for me
Cuz i'm wondering how you really feel
I'm a lonely girl, i'll tell a tale for you
Cuz i'm just tryin' to make all my dreams come
True

Do you even know who you are?
Oh, yeah, yeah
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Oh, i wanted to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell, i can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
I guess not, oh i guess not

Do you even know who you are?
Oh, i'm tryin' to find
A rising dream or a superstar?
Oh, i have a all these dreams
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No, no
Do you even know what you are?
A rising dream or a fallen star?
Is life good to you or is it bad?

-Pink, Lonely Girl

A dream.There was this strange reunion at my aunt's house. Coriolis, Groundel and Tril were there, and things were going well. We were all having fun. Then a neighbor appeared and as Coriolis made a smart remark I snapped back. We decided to talk in private, and as I closed the door he started crying and crying and crying histerically. You know, the kind of histeria when there's absolutely nothing more to do... I wanted to comfort him but didn't dare to get near him. I woke up pretty stirred up. Corilis is the kind of person that doesn't show feelings or weaknesses before anyone, but I have been there before to see this happen... And it scared me, deeply. I wish there was a way to make him understand some things in both our lives, because for someone who knows so much he sometimes overlooks what is really important and what is in his face... I feel bad, because I know he is not happy and I wish there was a way I could make him happy. Sounds silly, but in a way that we cannot understand we are attached to each other. I wish I could do more to show support and cheer him up and make him believe in how important he is for me. He is the only one I envision having a real family with. That deep runs my feelings and faith in him. But he never sees beyond the window, he doesn't dare to even touch the curtain to try looking at the dawn... And so I stay there, in the other side of the window... Looking into his life through the small crevices when the wind blows and the curtain moves with it... Looking at glimpses of his life... hurting when I see him hurt... wishing I could do what I simply can't... Witnessing the empty life others offer and whom he even gives chances that are mindless... I shall forever be there, because he changed my life completely... And even if I fail, he knows I am true to my people, there is no evil in my heart. I will always be his friend. It is just ironic that because of years past he still refuses to see... We are both so different from everyone else. We are both driven by the same forces. It doesn't take a genious to do the math... (sight) And I still wish for a miracle... Am I stupid or what...

I've been pretty lazy this weekend... Maybe its just that I am depressed... Maybe it's just that my mind overloaded my senses... Maybe I'm in short circuit and imploding... Whatever. I am tired... I have no more tears to spill so that part is a relief somehow... But I am tired as hell... No desire to go drive visit anyone, or to window shop... Not even to dial the phone... Tired of everything and everyone. Tired of reaching and feeling and believing... Drained. Dying. Holding on to the last shreds of what I always wanted... to my dreams...

Until the end comes and only darkness remains.

10-4

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.
-Tao Te Ching

Boredom leads towards exercising your right of being creative and killing time constructively. And so… Alas! The new images for this little corner of the net are born! It took a bit of patience, but I’m finally satisfied with the outcome. In the past images didn’t relate too much, here they all share a common ground and I think that they are more… real? Fire has always been my favorite element, being Aries obligates proving that fact… Fire, both beautiful, warm and volatile… can be of aid as well as it can be of destruction. So, here I am…

These days have gone fast and not a bit furious. Very peaceful, very silent, very dormant… In a way, that has been a nice interlude as everything has been so hurried that I’ve had no time to smell the roses in the past couple of months… This year I shall not worry and I shall just focus on my small goals. Little by little you do more than trying all at once and failing. Quality, not quantity.

A test to begin making a dream come true, then maybe a house, and then everything in its right place... That's the meaning of 2005.

10-4

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

With the fire from the fireworks up above me
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain at hand
You run for cover in the temple of love
You run for another but still the same
For the wind will blow my name across this land
In the temple of love you hide together
Believing pain and fear outside
But someone near you rides the weather
And the tears he cried will rain on walls
As wide as lovers eyes
In the temple of love, shine like thunder
In the temple of love, cry like rain
In the temple of love, hear my calling
In the temple of love, hear my name

And the devil in black dress watches over
My guardian angel walks away
Life is short and love is always over in the morning
Black wind come carry me far away
With the sunlight died and night above me
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain inside
You run for cover in the temple of love
You run for another it's all the same
For the wind will blow and throw your walls aside
With the fire from the fireworks up above
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain
You run for cover in the temple of love
I shine like thunder cry like rain
And the temple of love grows old and strong
But the wind blows longer cold and long
And the temple of love will fall before
This black wind calls my name to you no more

In the black sky thunder sweeping
Underground and over water
Sounds of crying weeping will not save
Your faith for bricks and dreams for mortar
All your prayers must seem as nothing
Ninety-six below the wave
When stone is dust and only air remains
In the temple of love, shine like thunder
In the temple of love, cry like rain
In the temple of love, hear the calling
And the temple of love is falling
Down

(Extended Below)

In the temple of love, shine like thunder
In the temple of love, cry like rain
In the temple of love, hear my calling
In the temple of love, hear my name
In the black sky thunder sweeping
Underground and over water
Sounds of crying weeping will not save
Your faith for bricks and dreams for mortar
All your prayers must seem as nothing
Ninety-six below the wave
When stone is dust and only air remains
The only haven you can trust
And the devil in black dress watches over
My guardian angel walks away
Life is short and love is always over in the morning
Black wind come carry me far away
With the fire from the fireworks up above
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain you
You run for cover in the temple of love
I shine like thunder cry like rain
And the temple grows old and strong
But the wind blows longer cold and long
And the temple of love will fall before
This black wind calls my name to you no more

In the temple of love you hide together
Believing pain and fear outside
But someone near you rides the weather
And the tears he cried will rain on walls
As wide as lovers eyes
In the temple of love, shine like thunder
In the temple of love, cry like rain
In the temple of love, hear the calling
And the temple of love is falling
Down

-Sisters of Mercy, Temple of Love

Yellow bird flying gets shot in the wing
Good year for hunters and Christmas parties
And I hate
And I hate
And I hate
And I hate elevator music
The way we fight
The way I'm left here silent

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
Oh these little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

We danced in graveyards with vampires till dawn
We laughed in the faces of kings never afraid to burn
And I hate
And I hate
And I hate
And I hate disintegration
Watching us wither
Black winged roses that safely changed their color

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
Oh these little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

I can't reach you
I can't reach you

Give me life, give me pain
Give me myself again

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
Oh these little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

-Tori Amos, Little Earthquakes

And if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
and I'll go chasin' the nuns out in the yard
and I'll run naked through the streets without my mask on
and I will never need umbrellas in the rain
I'll wake up in strawberry fields everyday
and the atrocities of school I can forgive
The happy phantom has no right to bitch

Oo who- The time is getting closer
Oo who- Time to be a ghost
Oo who- Everyday we're getting closer
The sun is getting dim
Will we pay for who we've been

So if I die today I'll be the happy phantom
And I'll go wearin' my naughties like a jewel
They'll be my ticket to the universal opera
There's Judy Garland taking Buddha by the hand
and then these seven little men get up to dance
They say Confucius does his crossword with a pen
I'm still the angel to the girl who hates to sin

Oo whoo- The time is gettin closer
Oo who- The time to be a ghost
Oo who- Everyday we're getting closer
The sun is getting dim
Will I pay for who I've been

Or will I see you dear and wish I could come back
You found a girl that you could truly love again
Will you still call for me when she falls asleep
or do we soon forget the things we cannot see

Oo who- The time is getting closer
Oo who- The time to be a ghost
Oo who- Everyday we're getting closer
The sun is getting dim
Will I pay for who I been

And if I die today
And if I die today
And if I die today
Chasin' nuns out in the yard

-Tori Amos, Happy Phantom

kiss on the lips - you're sweet and simple but
quite daring. you move for the kill confidently
knowing the other person wants the same thing.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


~*~*~*~*~UNIQUE~*~*~*~*~
You are different. You're the type of person that
is easily spotted in a crowd. You have a
radiant personality. You probably go through a
lot of mood swings from happy to lonely, angry
to sad, loving to spiteful, and so on. Be aware
that your sudden change in personality may
offend some people. People like to be around
you because you are genuine and relaxed. You
seem at peace with yourself and you give off
that "what you see is what you get"
vibe. That's a good thing because your general
audience will feel relaxed and at ease knowing
that they too can be themselves with out having
to worry. Try not to judge others on their
appearance. It's not nice. Over all you're a
spirited person who enjoys having a good time!
Good for you! :o)

Please Rate or message me! Thank you for taking my
quiz! XoXo <3 Lana


You're Beautiful...but why? ( PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla

This weekend... Good and bad. Friday visited Trilogy, chilled for a while and then Groundel picked me up... Weird experience with a drunk junkie that was so out-there that was too friendly to us... No harm done, anyway. But it was funny as hell. Saturday rented 5 movies since I was on call... My co-workers were... working... and I had to give support at 7:30AM thank-u-very-much... Went to see a lousy apartment, went to get groceries finally after a whole year... LOL, yup, that low... And watched the flicks...

Girl on the bridge: Loved it. Sweet, mild love story about a suicide, a knife thrower that asks her to work for him so if he misses she dies... and how they realize that when they are apart they have the worst of lucks...

The Forgotten: Liked it. Sci-fi when not expected. Nice movie, I guess it is scary for any mother... how could I know? I know nothing about that.

A mi madre le gustan las mujeres: An ok movie... predictable, sweet, it is suppossed to be funny I just found it ok for killing time... more of the same in many things...

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow: Loved the eye candy, loved Angelina Jolie... Hated the ending, why the captain stays with the stupid, good for nothing blonde? That's so macho-style... Anyhow, good movie... nice effects... Fast paced...

Ghost in the Shell 2, Innocense: Hmmm... I found it too slow for my taste in Manga. So there is where the Matrix came from? That was nice, the whole idea of the movie was nice, just that there are so many things that needed not to appear because they added nothing to the atmosphere and drama... Nice time killer that left me almost unconscious.

OK, besides the movie marathon, Joe spent the weekend over the Western side to be with his Juliette. :) It rocked to have you both around, guys! Thanks for the laughs. :P

Today... Visited my aunt and then visited el Calvo. He was having some computer issues so I helped with them, and when hunger striked went home to attack a chicken... So that's about it for these three days... Missed Tril's calling, as he didn't in the last 2 days... Thank God he can't live wihout me... (followed by a sarcastic laugh). Anyway, I'm just not thinking too much, the year is just beginning and I have things to do... No time to think deep or cry. Enough is enough.

10-4

You're 80's Madonna!


Which Madonna are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Meeee? Popularrrrrrrrrrr? Sheshhhhhhhhhh! I dont even get invited to the corner café... Although I am kinda hooked on the 80's... Kinda? LOL

Tonight... In Nuestro Ambiente... COMMUNION: TRIBUTE TO KILLING JOKE, JOE DJing as DJ-Popu. Be there, and send him my best wishes. ;)

Depressives Annonimous

It’s just funny how the world works… Yesterday I was playing Dr.Ruth or something… not too willingly, but in a way it gives me a different light on my personal situation… I’m not the only one who is screwed at work, I’m not the only one whose personal life stinks, I’m not the only one depressed and on the edge of insanity… It’s either we all stick together, or we will individually burst. LOL

During the morning the youngest of my co-workers was complaining about exercise aches… ended up as my patient, expressing how she has discovered the hard way how two-face the people in this place is… She’s a cool gal, this is her first job… I feel for her…

During the afternoon I wanted to ask a question to another co-worker… He is quite expressive and quite an open book… just like me. He started explaining how to get a house, ended up telling me about his personal life and how between that and work he’s screwed… He works to pay the bills, but hate the place and the people. And is in his 30’s and still no home, no wife, no life, no nothing… Another Arien that struggles because in the midst of his deeper depressions he knows he’s meant to do something big… LOL Seems we Ariens have the same curse under the stars… He was talking about the emptyness, the feeling of wanting to be away from people, even shopping only at Walmart one hour before closing… LOL Wow! Nope, it wasn’t me talking… Next thing we will end up in a bar listening to heartbreaking songs… LOL

Coriolis joins the club, as a matter of fact I created the club and he was the first member… Another entity that feels lonely, misunderstood, empty, yadda yadda… If we all get together we could rule the world… and then explode it! Yay!

No word from Trilogy. Roxy is showing love at all times. Groundel has been cooking (internal joke). Life could be worst… but at least there ARE people that understand how I feel… That facts gives a ray of hope, in a way… I hope I can get a house or an apartment by the end of this year… I guess in a way it is a main goal. I want my own place, so my kitties can run wild and so I can have an isolated room for painting and being just me.

10-4

Roxy's Mischief

I had a nap, then woke up to check some bids. By midnight, the laptop battery went off, and I was getting ready for going to sleep, then Groundel wakes up and asks a stupid question: “Where is Roxy?” And so… I start to look for friggin Roxy… (Ok, for those who do not know WHO the hell is Roxy, she is my 8th cat, a femme that I rescued from El Faro and that seems to be a mixed breed… whose attunement with me is strong as she is a bully, a cascarrabias and yet she is love incarnated with me). Back to the story… I looked for dear Roxy Heart…Not under the bed, not in the bathroom, not in the litter, not in the living room, not in any shelf… Roxy had escaped and we had not noticed. I went nuts. I went outside, looked around the house, around all cars, around the perimeter… no sign of Roxy. And so I go back to my apartment, devastated, on the verge of crying my eyeballs off… Groundel put on his shoes and went outside for a walk, to see if he could find her. I moved around the house, nervous, crying… My baby was gone… More, my familiar, my kindred animal soul was gone… So finally I decide to get outside, sit down in the floor and close my eyes. After a small while I heard a faint meow. I whistled, and the meow grew higher. It was my baby. And she was in the other side of the fence, in the neighbor’s house.

So, I approached the fence, calling for her. Then another cat, a white male, appeared out of nowhere, chased Roxy until she got up in a tree then he come back to me, purring. The bastard would not let Roxy get down, and each time I whistled or call her, he would come to me. After a while Groundel arrived, and I explained what was up. I asked him to get food for phantom kitty to distract him… I started messing with the fence until I could open up a hole that was already there (that’s the way that the neighbor’s chickens use to come to my side), and started petting and talking to phantom until he finally came to my side. I went to my apartment, saw that Groundel was appearing with the food, and just as I was telling him to go with phantom to the front of the stairs that lye close to my door, Roxy made a super fast triumphant entrance inside the apartment, staying behind Groundel’s legs, staring at phantom as if saying “They are mine, my own, my precious, and you ain’t coming here!”.

So… Almost 1:30 in the morning, I took Roxy to the bathroom for a bath to make sure she had no guests in her fur, then bathed her in the anti-guests cream, and then let her be after hugging her and caressing her for a while. I love Roxy. All the times that I’ve been very sad and insanely depressed, she comes to me to make me feel better. She sleeps at my side and always watches while I surf the net… She’s an extension of me. After that, couldn’t sleep for a long while… I stopped counting minutes after 3 AM… Ah… There is always emotion, action, suspense… and lots of love…

Woke up at 7:30 AM. It was a miracle I arrived on time to work… I feel sick, seems the wind, the coldness of wee hours in the morning and then the cold shower while bathing Roxy will get to me after all… My nose is stupid and my body aches… But no matter… I rather be in pain than lose my furry friend.

10-4

Yesterday was a waste. The day went away fast- Thank God! And not much was done… Saw Tril at night, ended up in another fight… Whatever… The issues start to get annoying, especially since he doesn’t singles me out of his lack of trust for everyone. I am doing nothing bad. So, shoot him.

This weekend sucked. Did nothing, saw no-one, was depressed and pissed and tired… Not even the cat did something interesting… The only hilarious moment was a a desvelado-talk with Joe and Anthony and Samil. They made me laugh a lot at wee hours in the morning. It would be nice if Anthony became part of the constant circle again, I miss him a-lot, got used to his daily presence and mischief. The good old times… And it would be nice to have Joe around to hang out and create mayhem around the little people Buahahahahahah! Wishful thinking. Reality is I’m surrounded by idiots at work, and the few friends I have are aloof in their own bubbles… It is a bubble world after all… Whatever. Life goes on.

Aguadilla, the whole day... Got home, drop dead into my bed... woke up at 8 and so here I am...

Feeling: Deeply sad, deeply dissapointed (again), deeply angry (again), like reviving a vendetta, like throwing a heavy stone lid to a friggin tomb (his, again), like getting a knife and plunging it into a heart a dozen times... (again)... Moody... Mad... Pissed... Insane...

Ahhh! What's the use... I may feel like a radioactive agent of entropy, but I am a friggin goody-goody-doer and so I am incline, in the Real World, to simply let days pass, forgive, and forget... I am so stupid when I want to be stupid... Been stupid for 15+ years out of... true love... out of obssession... out of belief... out of commitment... I always believed he was truly good for me, because whenever he is around he makes my eyes light up... and his eyes light up... and the world dissipates... I believe in dreams and angels and the destiny that we make happen... But who knows... Maybe not this time... Maybe not in this lifetime...

Groundel has been supportive and kind and a true gentleman all along. I thank him deeply for being true to me, to our promise of friendship and of being there no matter what. If he were not around, I would be very lonely. This is not a coffin BUT a mausoleum... and there is plenty of space for both of us. 'Nuff said.

Watching Groundel playing Silent Hill... cool... He rented Avalon, so I may get to see that tomorrow. Too depressed to say anything else...

10-4

I was sooooo bored yesterday that I made up a “scrapbook look” for my office door. I covered almost the whole thing with hearts in different shapes, in the colors red, pink and blue. And made grass, and even a small river… LOL Yes, THAT bored…

Arrived drained to my home, but managed to get up and visit Tril. I needed to go to the pharmacy and so he went with me and then we went back to his house. He was depressed, and I tried to cheer him up to no avail… (sight) Well… He talked and talked and talked… Seems he needed to let out of his chest many things. So I listened and tried REALLY hard to stay quiet and not judge. Then I went home… Groundel had tummy trouble but was surviving it. The pink stuff came in handy. :)

I didn’t even turn on the computer. I was beyond tired and beyond drained. I went to bed and even Roxy tried to make me feel less… stressed… Nevertheless, I couldn’t sleep well. I guess the bad vibes got into me, as I kept tossing and turning… I may be about to get sick, it was raining small droplets and those are the worst… Ah, my luck… my fate…

Today things are very, very slow… The day is murky (which I like) and the office is freezing my bones. But hey, I am alive. I guess that’s what counts…

10-4

Phone call this morning. It was nice to hear an old friend’s voice. Green-eyes used to work with me at HP, and even after I stopped working there she kept contact… Well, she called and it was ok until she started this weird questioning about cats… then she asks me if it is normal for a cat to come back home after she has left the cat in another city… because she wanted to get rid off kitty… and kitty came back scrawny and hungry after 3 days… I was baffled, shocked, you name it… Then she goes on to tell me same thing happen to a friend of hers who tried to get rid off a cat but then kitty came back after a few days… from Añasco to Moca!!! God! Then she complains about femme cat having kitties… and as I mention sterilization she says she ain’t spending money on a cat… and then she mentions they sleep in her car motor… Ok… So a the nice experience of listening to a friendly voice turned into… a gasping, slapping, incredibly unbelievable BAD trip. Then she asks my cats colors, and as I say black she almost screams because, oh my, how can I actually LIVE with 5 black cats? As she hanged up I tried to catch my breath and stabilize my emotions… How can ANYONE be so insensible to a cats’ true needs? Why people believe black cats are so different than the rest? They have no mutations… Just 4 legs and a tail and the same kitty-drive… Then the thing about disposing of them as if they were trash… When they are born in a certain place, no matter where you take them… if the new place is not safe or good for them, they will go back to what they understand is “home”. Distance doesn’t matter. They cannot understand that a human simply doesn’t want them around, period. I was appalled, and felt sad and the thought of the poor kitties being treated that way makes me sick… And the worst thing is that 80% of the people in the island behave this way with the little furry defenseless animals… They treat cats as if they had no pain, no need for love, no need for shelter or companionship… and after showing a bit of humanity they dispose of them as if they were trash when they get bigger and “not so cute”. It angers me. It makes me wanna scream and slap with a shoe all of those who harm poor innocent kitties just because… Ignorance is not an excuse. Supersticion is not an excuse. There is absolutely NO excuse for doing such a thing… And then, people think of themselves as “human”. What a joke.

Visited el Calvo and picked up Tril at his job. Then came back home... Tired, a bit stressed, a lot sad...

10-4

Joe came to Mayaguez last night, and I just "met" his girl. Just met is out of place. I've known Ms.Lightshadow for more than 10 years now. LOL The world is REALLY small. We met at an art class in our local college. And although I speak to no one, I did speak to her. So hear this Joe: The girl is VERY special, she rocks and you better be good to her DAMNIT! :P You two make a great couple. I hope this is "it" for both. Cheers!
And Ms.Lightshadow: There is a GREAT gentleman that would do anything for you, and you only. He's a crazy, smart, witty, funny, caring, thoughtful, outstanding, intelligent guy... Handle with care and appreciate him VERY much. He's worth your time and your heart. Cheers! Good vibes sent both ways!!!

Did some serious shopping yesterday, got 2 business suits and a business pant. Trying to make a better corporate image... sort of. Will not get rid of my red hair, thank-u-very-much...

Hope Tril is not pissed because I could go see him last night. I was REALLY tired and sleepy... I think I fall asleep while speaking to him in the phone... Wellllllllllllll... Shit happens... Nevertheless, will try to see him today.

Nothing else from NeverNeverLand.

10-4

You scored as Drama nerd. Drama nerd 100% Goth 81% Loner 75% Geek 69% Punk/Rebel 50% Ghetto gangsta 50% Prep/Jock/Cheerleader 25% Stoner 25% What's Your High School Stereotype? created with QuizFarm.com

Gossip

I am against gossip. I hate gossip and try not to further its ends. Gossip screws up people in every sense of the word. It is just better to go ahead and say things straight to a person’s face. It keeps integrity and in a way it creates trust. If someone has the guts to tell things to your face, that someone can be trusted because will deal with problems in an open way. That’s just my way of thinking… Since sometimes people do not get you have closed ears and closed will for gossip, I just let them talk and ignore them. I may gain the good and the bad of it, but I make no comments. I rather be a tomb. People talk without knowing a person’s problems or conditions or mental status or experiences… For every action there is a reaction and a motive. Taking time to dig for the truth, for facts, without passion, takes a big effort… but in the end it is the best way to get things straight. It can be a messy business… and maybe that’s why gossips were born… they are the easy scapegoat to reality and to frame those who you dislike…

I just saw a beautiful silver cross made of roses. Pretty, pretty, pretty. Me want! Me take! Waaaaaahhhh!

Solving system problems… Seems that in the holidays communication lines got fucked up… Well… To the rescue! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Will try getting the shoes for my aunt tomorrow… and will try to get 3 uniforms-of-sort for work. There was a nice clearance last week, hopefully it is still going… Nothing else is new… Ysterday was sleeping by 6pm. And I’m still tired… I need an energizer engine! Geeesh…

10-4

“If there is a solution to the problem, there is no need to worry. If there is no solution, there is no sense in worrying either.” Dalai Lama

Friggin sleepy. These last 3 days been sleeping 5-6 hours because of insomnia and it sucks… I feel ethereal already… Need to get Lucinda really fast before things start to fade away and I end up tubed! LOL

Yesterday and the day before had to go to Aguadilla to check out a slight problem that is driving me nuts and there’s nothing I can do to solve it because it’s either the electricity or the phone line… Shessshhh, I get fed up of people complaining to me as if I could do a hocus pocus or something…

Talked briefly to Tril yesterday. I am in no talking mood, and had plenty of sleepiness… When I get like that I get so drain that I require too much concentration to just talk… Imagine thinking… No way!

Groundel starts classes today. He resigned his job so he can study full time so he can try to get all the classes needed so he graduates this year. A final big effort. You can do it! We girls can do anything! Ask Barbie! :P He also took the test for the driver’s license… At least he passed the first phase. Now to wait a week or two so he tries the driving test. He needs it.

Lucinda has a very tight crazy schedule… Plans to complicate it even more… But hey, an ultimate push, to see if you finally graduate this year! As I said before, we girls can do anything…

Movie review:
Dawn of the Dead: The original, the only, the unrated, the stupidest… LOL It is plainly funny. I guess that by the time it came out it was a bit scary, but I cannot help but laugh at the zombie dances… I liked it.
Battle Royale: Nice flick. Loved the concept, cruel… but it may come to that… Young people are that savage… disrespectful… So… Go BR!

Drooling over the keyboard… R-U-N2SIN? I’ll be back! Buahahahahahahahah

10-4

I'm a pewty rose...

He who wants a rose must respect the thorn.
-Persian proverb

Groundel had picked a cute friendly card for me and I spoiled the surprise... I felt so bad... Well... You gotta learn to get things when I'm not around to place little shopping things in my purse, you should know I'll end up checking what I have in my bag of misteries... Anyhow, he gave it to me nevertheless. And I ended up crying nevertheless... Feeling both bad about being such a spoiler, and feeling warm and cozy thanks to the nice simple words. You know you always have an important place in my life and in my heart, silly boy. When I offer friendship, it IS forever.

And now to something completely different...

Yesterday I was plain lazy. I didn't wanna get off bed, and just layed there with 5 kitties sleeping around me. The other two were in the condo, and the last one was isolated so she would not eat or drink (because of today's operation). I woke up at 4PM... Hey, do not sue me, after all I went to sleep at 5AM... And then put a bunch of pics on a CD so I can go someday this week to develop them... Need to update photo albums and scrapbook.

At 7pm decided to try seeing el Calvo, passed by and ALAS! he was there! Plus a big surprise... The man that stubbornly said to me that he would NEVER add any kind of COLOR to his walls... and this he had said for 15 years... painted his inside walls in 5 different tones from coral to brown. I was stupified, zombified... you name it... The house looks extremely good, the color picks up the warmth of the wooden furniture and gives plenty of focal points to the whole house adding drama to the pieces he showcases... Ok, this has been my "Christopher Lowell moment" today... LOL Stayed until 9 and then headed back home.

Lucinda called, finally... and she needed me to get some info on the net, soooo I browsed and send her answers to her email. To bed at 1AM, and when I woke up for potty break I realized the cocks were singing and it was already 6:30AM... Time to get up... Ahhhhhh!!! Back to reality TV... Sucky...

Trilogy left a message, but since I arrived after 10pm I didnt call him. May do so today. I'm still mad at him.

So remember kids... He who wants a rose must respect her thorns... I have many thorns, so whoever wants me has to deal with them and respect them and even admire me for them. A girl than can be naive and sweet yet punch you in the face if you do something wrong both rocks, and is priceless!

10-4

We are gonna see the wizaaaaaaard!!!

Went to Arecibo on Sat, nice little dinner with Groundel and then nice little shopping spree. Since it was already late when I decided to keep drivig over there, we arrived kinda late to Mayaguez. Trilogy had called and left a message… I’m still mad at him, but I tried to be a good sport and called him back to see if he wanted to go to the movies at midnight. And so we did. We watched White Noise, and honestly I was falling asleep… The movie is too slow, and although it has a nice idea it lacks good writing… Gee, like that’s not the trend the last couple of years… Oh, well… Left Trilogy safe and sound in front of his house, and I arrived safe and sound to mine.

The highlight of the night was having a bit of an actual conversation with my beloved old acquaintance Joe. It was amusing to hear his voice on the radio, although the signal over here sucks, and I didn’t really liked the music from 10-11. It definitively improved after 11… but I couldn’t hear much after a while… Joe, dumbass, you do not need to ask for crashing-permissions… You just call and show up. Ok? I hope that this time around you get all that you deserve from lady Lightshadow. As I said, this year you will GLOW in every sense of the word. Yayyyyyyy!!!! Another reason for me to be happy and do the happy dance and hop along with Hannibal and smoke a cigar and say I love it when a plan comes together! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! :)

Woke up late on Sunday, still… FINALLY went to the local mall to browse Borders. No RPG boxed sets… but there are the novels, so I guess I’ll check which ones I miss so I complete my novels collection… The Anne Rice area was really sad, and the Stephen King area was too fancy. Saw some books on scrapbooking that I want to get later one, as well as some books on sewing… Yes, you read right… Seems I might turn out to be a seamstress by the end of this year, because I am getting some patterns for medieval styles and vampy stuff and I am so tempted on trying that DIY clothingline thinguie… I’ll try that after I actually get a sewing machine… that’s my next big buy, and seems I’ll get it for my birthday…

Browsed the tatoo books, and the cards and ift sections, and the mandatory dvd section… I was laughing so hard when I checked the new releases… now there’s a new book about the cheese… do not wait around for cheese, make your own… It is the continuation (sort of) of the business oriented “Who stole my cheese”, and I cant wait to read it… I found the first one hilarious. I know it is NOT comedy, but I am a business mayor so I find it funny… Sue me later, ok?

So… after the bookstore, then it was the mandatory visit to HT and to Walmart… and then crashed at my aunt’s… Couldn’t help the long hourse there: good food and they were showing the Conan movies back to back. I am a Conan junkie. So it was a nice thing to see. Finally came home, fed my kitties and went online to try paying some bids I won… The system was not allowing anything for a while, so I kept on in my quest for trims and fabrics (I want some in some specific styles/prints… yes, I am experimenting with textures, so what?). And after my final success, here I am.

It is 4am… and I am getting a bit sleepy… I was planning to visit the Observatory, but will leave that for next Sat. I should go to sleep and then try to get the helechos I want for my palms… Yup, still on that quest… And do the week’s clean up, and try to make people do everything I want so my dominatrix title goes on untouched… LOL Whatever… Gotta find Sara… The kitties will be neutered on Tue… See ya!

10-4

3KingsDay and then some mice...

Okkkkkkkk... Wanna burst my bubble? LOL ;P

This week has been... mild... easygoing... so-so... Called my father on the 1st, and been crashing at my auntie's for food and good drinks (I absolutely hate drinking alcohol, BUT her Ponche is something else... THE exception). Also been crashing for small bits at Trilogy's palace of dust. Incredibly odd that I've catch no cold or nothing related to any sickness... Amen... Free days since governmet loves partying, and the new gov gave Friday off... so, a small 5-days vacation... YIPEEEE!!!

Well, started a 1hr-walking-routine, hopefully it will fall between 3-5 days on weekdays. The aim is to lower my sugar, plus any magical bonuses. I may be enticed to go back to the gym by my b-day on April... Who knew...

Will take the GMAT test around Feb or March to see if I can get in the MFA program on the UIA, San German. I guess that it will feed my need for being artsy and creative... Was thinking of going ahead with the PhD on Business... but I am more inclined towards the MFA in Painting and (whispering...) Photography... I think the MFA could help for a career jump towards new horizons... We'll see about that...

Been writing-rewriting-proofwriting my fantasy epics... Creative writing bug has been on for some days now... Also reading some Forgotten realms info-booklets... Has been fun, getting new gaming ideas.

Will see if I can get to the Observatory in Arecibo between today and Tuesday, and maybe get some helechos for my lovely palms... La-la-la...

Feeling: Hopeful, like smiling, smelling the roses and the coffee, breezing

Kittywold: The 8 kitties are happy with their condo and have been creating mayhem as usual. Will get Michita to the vet so she get her operation next Tuesday... Wheeeeeee!

Friends: Coriolis didn't show up as usual, Lucinda called yesterday but I was not home and tried to see el Calvo last night but he was sleeping at 10pm... Trilogy has been with tummy trouble for 3 days, and Groundel has been a corporate slave on Xmas and beyond.

Movies:
Resident Evil 2- Milla is back, better than ever in her female-terminator-like character... Loved the movie. Can't wait for RE3. Wheeeeeeee! Femme power!!!
Gargoyles- STAY AWAY FROM THAT CRAP!!!
Manchurian Candidate- Loved it. A bit predictable but good action-drama.
Shawn of the Dead- Ah... Ok... I admit I didn't wanna see it, but heck... I was bored... Please don't sue me... Besides, it was not so bad. It was better than QOTD at least!


An that has been the latest news on this side of the 3rd planet...

10-4

Pissed, pissing... piss some more

Everyone is mad at me, sorry. I have not been feeling like hanging out with noone lately, and my mood flips from somber to antisocial to anarkist to somber again.

Family is mad at me because I dont look for anyone... Well, maybe I am tired of smiling and behaving like Crazy Glue. If someone wants to speak to me and share some quality time, they know where to find me. So, I have found that my dear sister is only interested in everything about her husband and her hubby's family, and nothing about my aunt or me, so... sorry if I have not been too enthusiastic of visiting her new house to see the new furniture. I mainly do not care much about me, but it bothers me greatly that NO ONE remembers my aunt exists. Especially after SHE has been there to serve and help ALL the rats that makes up my so-called family. My mother and my grandfather used to steal from my aunt... jewelry, adornments, even saws... you name it. Another uncle wanted to take over the house when she divorced because the house needed a "man". To all my aunt has been kind and submissive, and to all I've been the bitch because I do not need a dick to be a "man" and give tough love when needed. So... TO THE PYRE!

Friends are mad at me because they don't find me. I have not been feeling like picking up the phone, and I don't feel like talking, period. If it were for me I would go in a journey to Russia and get lost in the ice-covered mountains. Alone. Coriolis has left many messages, same with Lucinda... even LadyMex... and even Trilogy...Coriolis used his brain and called me up at my aunts, where she answered and passed me the call... thanks auntie... But overall, people, I feel I need to be in a small cave, and mourn there who I am and what I wanna do with my life, sort things out, make some moves, and THEN come out to the Real World and embrace Life... Do you understand? I dont want anyone's opinions biasing me. I dont want anyones advise, I have received too many for nothing. I just want to do what I want, what I feel is right, what I know will make me happy, fucking everyone else's opinion. So, spare and forgive my lack of calling-looking for-greeting-whatever. Don't feel like it, cannot give it.

Even the whole World situation is getting to e. I am a friggin sponge. I feel every pain around me. That's why I wanna be undercover and isolated... I am a sponge and receiving all those bad vibes doesn't improve my psycho self...

Whatever... People, just let me be... Ok? Let me BE.

To Vero: I had EVERY intention of going to meet you, but the whole thing about Mayaguez is tat EVERY corner has history for/with me. That place where you played used to be a place where someone I know worked, where some situations happened, and around the place is where lay 3/4 of the reasons Trilogy and me were not together for 15 years... his friends... his hanging-out places... the bitches that were with him and with Groundel... I hate the area. HATE. And I thought people had forgotten who I was, but they have not. I have an aura that screams out my name thanks to Trilogy... I HATE that too. I feel bad and humilliated whenever I pass by anywhere in Calle Bosque. SO I deeply apologize for not showing up. It was not about you, but about everyone else. I hope you understand. This, mixed up with my bipolarity the past 2 weeks has not been good. I am trying to get well, but I am not. So, here should come an arrow referring you to the rant about me wanting to be isolated in a cave... And I know about how parents think they are straightening you up, without taking in account you do not NEED to straighten up because you are doing NOTHING bad/wrong. I went through that as well... I was a whore because I was always with guys, for more than 8 hours locked up with them in a room... doing roleplaying games... Nothing bad, I have always been a goody-goody girl... but I guess appearances gives parents wrong conclusions. Do not cry on account of that. Get even.

So, back to my bubble-retreat... in the Twilight Zone.

Donations for Tsunami relief...

Donations for Tsunami disaster SURVIVORS
Here is a reliable place in which to give help, World Vision donation's site:
DONATIONS FOR TSUNAMI SURVIVORS click here!!!

If you have any problems accesing that site, try WORLDVISION.org

Or, you may also call toll-free 888-56-CHILD (24453)to make a donation to World Vision's Asia Tsunami Response.

Many other articles, comments, essays, opinions, spiritual guidance and information found at BELIEFNET.com

Begin the New Year giving a gift of Hope and selfless LOVE...

Tsunami... and God

Here is a nice essay about the Tsunami disaster and the role of God… I found that it says many truths, so I am posting it here. The death toll has surpassed 120,000. We should all at least give positive thoughts towards those who died, and those who are struggling to live.


Was God in This Disaster?
Turning to both Judaism and Buddhism for solace, the author meditates on God's role in the tsunami tragedy.
by Rodger Kamenetz

I am trying to connect to this tragedy the best I can. The pictures help a little. I see dead children on the floor, a parent weeping. The little ones look like they are sleeping; it is unimaginable that they are dead. I see a parent holding his dead child. I feel in my body what it is like to hold... that weight. To feel the life gone, and the heaviness of a body that does not have life. It is different from holding a sleeping child, carrying a child to bed for instance. I can feel what this father feels in the photo, can reach in my imagination, and in my memory.

But I can't multiply what I feel by 10,000 or 40,000, or even by ten. We know more than we can feel. And we respond as best we can, I think. This is our situation in a time of instant global communication.

The heart does see from one end of the world to the other, and faster than the internet.

I read that when someone witnessed the huge tidal wave approaching the shore, he thought it was "biblical." The flood story came to his mind, I guess, and behind it the old primitive idea of an angry God, destroying what he once created. Some people still think this way: everything bad that happens is a curse or a punishment and has a reason, even if we don't know what the reason is. I don't buy it.

The children killed didn't have enough time in this life to deserve this death. This kind of disaster opens difficult prospects for the Western imagination. Some would see in it a monstrous demiurge: an all-powerful God who kills innocent children. We hear the bitter words in King Lear: "As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport." Others, seeking to justify God to man, will offer the simple idea that whoever suffers somehow had it coming.

There is a deeper story about suffering in the Talmud. In this story, Moses travels to heaven and sees for himself that Rabbi Akiba is the greatest teacher of Torah. When Moses asks God what Akiba's reward will be, God shows him a vision: Akiba tortured by Romans in the marketplace, his flesh stripped from his body.

Just as it is incomprehensible to us that children, whole families, whole islands could be taken up by a wave and drowned, it is incomprehensible to Moses that a great and good teacher would be "rewarded" with torture.

When Moses asks why, God answers with a riddle, "It arose in thought."

To our own human notion of justice, "it arose in thought" seems cruel and unaccountable. Those who wrote this story must have felt that injustice keenly. But the starkness of this tale shows a kind of maturity of vision we sadly lack in today's religious discourse. God in the story offers no real explanation. There is none at the human level that we could understand. We stand before it stunned and uncomprehending.

At the level of our feelings of right and wrong, we understand there is no explanation for dead children on a beach who were playing and swimming one moment and taken away by a huge wave in the next. I can't accept the answer suggested by the Buddhist idea of group karma, that whatever happens to a group is somehow the result of a previous action of that group, either in this life or in a previous life. I don't accept that explanation in this case.


I don't believe it because this disaster happened to children. They didn't have enough time in this life to deserve this death. And in a previous life? No, that is too abstract for me. The explanation that their acts in a previous life may have warranted this death lacks specificity--and a number of deaths so huge already lacks too much specificity. I need to feel more, not less.
One time I asked the Dalai Lama how he would respond to a parent who had lost a child. And he said--these aren't his exact words--that when you lose a child you are constantly thinking of that child in your imagination. He called the child a "dear one." And he said, "You must know that your 'dear one' does not want you to suffer, to feel so much grief." I found this meditation wholly beautiful. I don't believe in a God who punishes through disaster. The disaster is.

He added that for a Buddhist, suffering is in the nature of things, and so he would try to remind a Buddhist to reflect on that. But, he said, for a Westerner, there would arise the question of meaning. This boils down to the question of Job: Why would a just God allow the innocent to suffer? The question is just as profound for an individual loss as for a mass disaster: It doesn't get more profound, just more inescapable.

I don't believe that a mass disaster, in and of itself, tells us anything about God. I don't believe in a God who punishes through disaster. The disaster is. That is exactly the way I would understand it, without adding my own interpretation, without supplying a meaning or completing the sentence. The disaster is. The tragedy is. And I need to abide with it, and feel it, instead of seeking an answer, because the answers just make me complacent and take me away from the children on the beach, and the father with the dead child in his arms.

There is no God in the disaster.

I think there is God in the response, in the human hearts of those who are feeling and responding to this, the families and neighbors of the victims, and the rest of us, the bystanders, and us, too. The whole world is feeling it.

I used to think that if something unaccountably bad happened to someone, it needed to be compensated by something good. That was my own internal accounting, my own way of repairing my sense of order, of justice. A boy loses his sight, but he becomes a musical genius. A teacher of mine lost his mobility to polio, but he gained the ability to be a blessing to others. One time I said such things in a public talk, and a woman in a wheelchair rolled toward me and said with great seriousness and very slowly, "I would like you to consider that a disability means…absolutely nothing."

I heard her and felt how I had glibly covered over my heart with an easy reaction.

I love what the Baal Shem Tov, the founder of modern Hasidism, said when asked to define equanimity. "If whatever happens you can say, if it's good enough for God, who am I to judge? That's equanimity." And he added, "But that is a very high rung."

It is a very high rung and I cannot say I am standing on it now, and rarely ever. I cannot say that this tsunami is for the good.

It is not for the good, it is not for the bad. It just is.

It is not a blessing, it is not a curse, it just is.

A tectonic plate shifted, and a vast wave spread across the ocean, and took with it many lives.

And now another wave is spreading, and it is also vast, and it spreads through the hearts of those who let themselves feel it.

The disaster is. It happened to a "dear one," someone's "dear one," many dear ones. I open my heart and feel it. The place it touches in me, touches God.


In the New Year,
may your right hand always be stretched out
in friendship,
never in want.
-Irish toast

Draining World

All these days I’ve been completely drained. I get out of work and go home and I doesn’t even have the chance to take off my clothing, I just fall in the bed and enter Lord Morpheus realms… I wake up because of the occasional mandatory jump that two or three cats perform over my head… around 9:00pm… and they do that because they grow anxious and want attention… I’m not even checking my mail at home, I am beyond tired for such an endevour… Groundel plays on the PS, the cats run over the Xmas tree, and nobody calls while there is someone in the house. Trilogy has called everyday this week, but I just did not have the energy to get up from my bed and visit him. I don’t get it… I take a bath by 9pm, and by 10pm I’m back to bed, sound asleep. And it is so difficult to wake up in the morning because I just wanna keep on sleeping… So tired…

At work, Candi is leaving us after 30 years of service. Well, she’s doing a-lot on her own, and the agency in reality is a big pain in the whoohoo. May pass by today to Aguadilla’s site so I can give my farewells… She’s going with Año Viejo jijiji.

Everything else very still. Had a bump with LadyMex and she wants to go to the movies tonight, with her kids… I don’t know if I will be enough alive to do so… I guess I’ll leave Gruendel washing clothing and then go make her happy for 2 hours… I know neither Trilogy nor Groundel will want to accompany me. Cannot blame them. She thinks so little of them that it is plain disgusting. That’s basically one of the reasons I am getting anoyed by her. The other is her ability to complain a lot but not to listen to advises because I am not a mother and I do not know how it’s like… Whatever… It’s too early in the morning to have such a headache…

Coriolis has not visited this side of the Land, and every time he calls he has to go and says he’ll call back and he doesn’t. Hmm… Ok… Whatever…

Got the Xmas gift for kitties, a nice 7 feet tall condo. Should arrive next week. :) That's their 3Kings Day gift...

That’s all folks… for now…

10-4

Tsunami

Tsunami death toll over 40,000 in Asia... Just the most awful way to say goodbye to this screwy year. Mother Nature is pretty mad at us, and still she goes on ignored... Here in this tiny weeeny island we should think about it, because the bells are tolling and sooner than we expect something like that will come our way. No, it's not being in catastrophic mode, but it is called being realistic. Our island no longer has the mountains around the chores to protect it. Civilization has left the beaches bare and naked. Once a tidal wave of more than 20 feet comes in, it won't be stopped unless it reaches the Cordillera Central, if it is that small... Every town that keeps beaches will be drowned, yes... we shall all perish that way. I've always had this love affair with El Faro in Combate, and I always dream there is this wave that comes in and while everyone runs away I run towards the lighthouse... Not a dumb thing because although it may be desperation and desire for shelter, the lighthouse is one big peak in miles across Combate and the surrounding areas... It would be the only actual chance to survive... If the Alien mother ship doesn't beam us up before the tide crashes and kills us. LOL Yup, they won't let their specimens vanish without trace, after all, puertorricans are such a special breed...

I arrived beyond tired to my lovely home and sunk in deep sleep. Kitties woke me up at 8 pm because... er... they had no food... So had to go fetch some at Wal's place and came back before they ripped everything out of rage... Then to bed until today. Don't know why I was so beat. Well... Maybe it was Sara's fault, her flan was delicious but I supposse it skyrocketed my sugar... Whatever. That's a once in 2 years episode.

Today, at my office, may or may not go to Yauco... Depends if someone is going. Yesterday went to Sgerman and fixed things there and made people happy. LOL

Another day, another death, another hope...

10-4

More Pepto, More Pepto!!!!

Pass the Pepto!!! Hurryyyyy!!! More Pepto!!! Argh!!!! Shrine to the Pepto!!! LOL Yup, that's how my Xmas was... 24th and 25th begging for Pepto. That plus in bed with overall body pain due to the Pepto causes, which makes the sugar skyrocket, which didn't help my case... Arrrgh!!! So, a very merry xmas indeed...

On the lighter side, Groundel gave me an undead doll, Captain Bonnie, which looks like an undead Blaze... Loved her. Pewty, pwety, pewty... And a gothic calendar that has all the dates of death of gothic-related people. Trilogy gave me a small framed kitty with the purr's written all over it. And between my aunt and me we bought the Xmas dinner (although I couln't REALLY enjoy it...) Yesterday managed to visit Lucinda, who prepared a cheesecake-sort-of... Yummy! Although cannot eat it on big pieces because it is pure sugar... :( Tried calling my sister but she was not home. And when I finally got home, to bed... I've been too drained to do much these days... My bipolar entities and tummy trouble didn't make things easier... I'm lucky to have people around me to make it all go smoother even if it doesn't seem like it at first sight...

Anyways... Watching a bid for a kitty condo, to see if I get it as 3kings day gift for the kitties. It looks awesome and is 6 feet high. Will put it where the tree is. :)

Gotta run now. Must visit San German and assemble 2 PC's. I'll also see if they have some helechos for sale, so I can put them beneath my little palms, to see if they improve with l;ess direct sunlight... Let's see how the day unwraps...

10-4

Me: Tired, sad, helpless, dead, undead, unliving shall scorn, the mists of Ravenloft have called to me, and I have obeyed. Always the lonesome wanderer, always a slave of sorrow and pain... Betrayed once more... this time by myself.

Everything and everyone: Merry, jolly, going on, celebrating... whatever... let them eat their Holidays up...

I wish to stop feeling... to be the Ice Queen and vanish into the storm... no trace... no memory... just gone...

This is by far the worst Xmas gift I have received in my whole life. But I accept it, I shall smile politely and accept it. I am to fulfill Coriolis prediction after all...