Mission: Impossible

On Wednesday morning I got up early and let the Huntress take over for some hours. Recruited Raven for the GIJOE:Special Mission in Macondo, USA. We met at point Mesón and so went on with the plan following complete stealth mode. An agent pinpointed the way, and so… after small quarreling with the locals and the mined street. We finally saw the target… The sitting duck was surrounded by his minions, but as we arrived and moved fast he didn’t really got to see what was coming for him… I should have taken a picture of that expression… Oh, he remembered my name… goody! After crossing some words, me being completely dry and sarcastic, and actually seeing he was breaking some sweat, he agreed that he would go to the house on Saturday morning with the electrician to check the power and to check what must be done with the stairs. I’ll give him two weeks, if at end of month he has done nothing I will demand. This is his third and last call. Raven and Huntress finished up the mission reaching Mesón point and digging in some well deserved goodies.

We departed, and I went to get some information on the house insurance that is due. Still have to fix some things and so left. Granted some thrist quencher to my beloved Ravage Plunderer, she has been too good to me so I spoiled her with expensive oil change. Wheeeee o algo.

Finally made it to the laboratory to get the results and everything is negative so I keep on the quest of WHAT THE HELL HAS BEEN WRONG WITH ME ALL THESE PAST WEEKS! Sheesh… what more tests do I need…

The mage summoned me for lunch, so as the small rainstorm fell, we met at his favorite sandwich artist’s store. The mage had a small big bang with the oni, and as I expected the argument in the end included me. Whatever. She better get used to the idea of me being around… because I will be around for a long, long time. Since I know how it feels as if you were the cause for separation, feeling as a burden sometimes, abandoned at others… I totally relate to the what if’s that may happen with the girl. The mage knows he has my complete support in her best interest.

Anyway… After lunch went to checkout some stuff at the mall, and tried visiting El Calvo, but he was at college. I got the bad news that José Iván (Elvira) died on August 2 of a heart attack. R.I.P., finally… because that guy suffer a-lot staying for long periods at the hospital (he fell from top of his house roof twice, and had some weird accidents as well). I will always remember that he made a Master in Painting at Vienna… His paintings had photographic quality… He was a true artist, and didn’t really told anyone… He worked as a physical education teacher at Ponce’s vocational school. God must be having fun with this live one…

Got a call from Groundel, and so went to pick him up for dinner. As he got in the car, he stank of cigarettes. I asked him about the renewed habit, and he basically estated that it was none of my business. So, what happened later in reality was a consequence of the button he pushed… not my being bitchy and narrow minded as he thinks. We ended up in a heated argument in which he basically blames me as the source of his bad behaviour. It all was a carnival for him, where he wore a mask behind a mask behind a mask. He faced life using different characters, a persona shown to me, a persona shown to his workmates, a persona used for his family, a persona used for the street… His true persona is lost in it all, in all the masks… There was really no way for me to know anything about his true character… A prince of lies.

He is disposing of anything that reminds him of me, and hinted on his disposing of the scrapbook that I made for him… That’s when I started crying. The main goal of my spending so many months completing that thing was so whenever he felt put down or sad, all he had to do is browse his life and see all the good it had, all the people who loved him. It was the only thing he would take care of at all times, it was a gift that meant something… and he would dispose just to forget about me. That got to me. That said many things about him… From that point on I could not speak no more, just cry… He appreciated nothing about me, about who I am, about what I wanted to give him, about my caring and my love. I ended up simply saying I had to go home. He became angry-er and more irritated because I would not stay until whenever he decided I should go… Whatever. I had to go. I needed to escape his cruel, mindless harshness. Back at home I took a long, long shower… And let out everything I had left inside of me. Even doing such, when the mage arrived he had to deal with disturbed me... Bring me to life, Zordak... At least someone always makes me smile.

Today, the sunshine was there once again, and a mild breeze made me recall the ongoing promise of a new day… The morning was a bit slow but mellow… Univentful. Coriolis called letting out some issues for which he already know the answer… Sometimes it’s not what you want to do but what you have to do… Had lunch with the mage, so the levels of brightfullness of the day increased exponentially. The afternoon has been interesting as my boss from the metro area wants to do a sort-of informational intraweb and recruited me for the design… Gotta come up with something by next week. Yay! Something to do! That I like! Ecstatic! This deserves another wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Calls from absent minded people who don’t recall how to turn on their towers or how to recover lost shortcuts… Hmm… Brains that can be sold as new because they are shrink wrapped…

The Keeper is quite excited about the major event and wants to discuss many things with me, so gotta call her and see if we can meet tomorrow to sort out some doubts o algo. And so… Here we are… Long day… Won’t go to the photography class, feel in cave-mode… Tired, need to recharge. And need to write down what is needed as a wedding pre-pre… sort of.

This weekend will be full… Contractor appointment on Saturday morning, Zordak’s den in the afternoon, church and priest interview at night and closure at El Calvo’s home. Fully loaded… Expect kitty litter cleanup on Sunday afternoon, and mandatory laundry. And another weekend is gone… Fast track.

So… There is Action, Drama, Suspense, Horror, Romance, Adventure, Comedy and Tragedy… Is this as good as it gets? Not really, I have a feeling that the party is just getting started…

10-4

Remember...

911… The Fall of the Twin Towers

Five years ago the world was stirred with the echoes of spirits crying out of pain and anger and despair, as the World Trade Center vanished in seconds under ashes and fire and twisted iron. The agenda of the US militia became a busy one, crying out for justice and retribution. War to terrorism… because this time terrorism touched the land of the free and the home of the brave… But many other acts have happened around the world and everyone simply sat still lamenting and doing nothing further… It is sad that such a catastrophe had to happen so the Land of the Free would wield weapons and decide on getting into action… sort of speaks… Now, a message of hope bathed in blood of innocents is delivered through the media… Yes, there are many inspiring stories… Human nature is fickle, and adversity makes people throw down their personal barriers to face a common enemy… The problem that I see is that although the stories are inspiring they only tell a tale of the evil done to the sheep, and not the evil done to the wolf. I do not justify wars of any kind. Many crimes have been committed in the name of God. The Catholic Church has been one of the main sinners in this matter… Religions as a whole serve a purpose of bringing the sentient being to another level of awareness, and it is a shame that everyone fights for what they think is right yet no one cares about the greater good. If I had been raised in the East, I would feel and think and act as people of the East do. And this is a simple thing that tear nations apart… Tolerance and amity is preached, but when the time comes the diversity of culture and faith is the trigger for chaos… because no one wants to listen to the other guy’s truth…

Remember, remember… Many colors of skin, many shapes of body… but when we are all cut, we all bleed red... Rich and poor, civil and savage, scientist and beggar, Christian and atheist… 9/11 for me is the result of the numbness that humanity has developed for the fact that we all share this little blue sphere, and so we all are brothers and sisters. It is result of hate, misunderstanding, tantrums of people that are like you and me… and that flipped due to so many ill factors that Life throws at them. Convictions are fickle, beliefs are fickle… if not atuned with the spiritual, with the important things, with bringing Life instead of Death. And many pretty tales can be spun as tales of courage, determination… and miracles gave lessons to many around the globe… God was there to welcome those souls that died, to give survivors the will to overcome horror, to prevent a few ones from stepping into the mouth of destruction, to give strength to those who answered the call to show the world that good can come from the darkest of places…

What I dislike of it all is the indifference that time can give to certain events… As of today, how many changes have the world acknowledged into itself due to so many deaths? People don’t learn. The Land of the Free is still filled with selfishness and internal wars that simply won’t wear off… And so it is my opinion that the brotherhood showed at 9/11 was a beautiful mask to try dispelling an ongoing evil. Last year the events following Katrina demonstrated that on the 21st century racism still lives on, strongly, especially coming from the nation’s leaders. For war, the first ones sent on the battleground still are the minorities: Mexicans, Puertorricans, Cubans… And then they come back to a land that spurns them, bans them… (sight) Are the Talibans worst than real people on everyday life within the Land of the Free? It is all a circle with no beginning and no end… The Darkside lurks everywhere, at all times. 9/11 stands as a result of the carelessness, the hate, the desire for power, the need to show who is best… in the name of God… As usual…

Let’s remember the events that unfolded this day, the families that were separated, the sons and daughters and fathers and mothers and aunts and uncles and boyfriends and girlfriends and acquaintances and policemen and firefighters and military people and unnamed civil and rescue animals and even the strangers… that were lost to this harsh world’s global reality… May we all learn the lessons, and live up to them. And may we all never forget.

10-4

Justify

my Love...

[from Revelation 1:3]
Blessed is he who reads aloud the words of the prophecy
And blessed are those who hear
And who keep what is written therein
For the time is near

[from Revelation 1:7]
He is coming with the clouds
And every eye will see him
Everyone who pierced him
And all the tribes of the earth will wail on account of him

[from Revelation 2:1-4]
Those of you who have not learned what some call the deep things of Satan
I know your works, I know your toil, and your patient endurance
And how you cannot hear evil men
But have tested those who call themselves apostles, but are not
And found them to be false
I know that you are enduring patiently and bearing out for my namesake
And you have not grown weary
But I have this against you
That you have abandoned the love you had

[from Revelation 2:9-10]
I know your tribulation and your poverty
And the slander of those who say that they are Jews, but they are not
They are a synagogue of Satan
Do not fear what you are about to suffer
Behold the devil is about to throw you into prison

Wanting, needing, waiting for you to justify my love
Hoping, praying for you to justify my love

[from Revelation 13:1-10]
And I saw a beast rising out of the sea with ten horns and seven heads
And a blasphemous name upon its head
And the beast that I saw was like a leopard
Its feet were like a bear's
And its mouth was like a lion's mouth
And to it the dragon gave his power, and his throne, and great authority
One of his heads had a mortal wound
But it seemed to have a mortal wound that was healed
And the whole earth followed the beast with wonder

Men worshipped the dragon for he had given his authority to the beast
And they worshipped the beast saying
"Who is like the beast and who can fight against the beast?"
And the beast was given a mouth uttering haughty and blasphemous words
And it was allowed to exercise authority for forty-two months
It opened its mouth to utter blasphemous words against God

It was allowed to make war on the saints and to conquer
And authority was given it over every tribe
And a people and tongue and nation
And all who dwell on earth could worship it in vain
If anyone has an ear let him hear
If anyone is to be taken captive, into captivity he will go
If anyone who slays with the sword, with the sword

Wanting, needing, waiting for you to justify my love
Hoping

[from Revelation 21:1-8]
Then, I saw a new heaven and a new earth
And I heard a great voice from the throne saying:
"Behold the dwelling of God is with men
He will dwell with them, and they shall be his people
And God himself will be with them
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes
And death shall be no more
Neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore
For these things will have passed away

To the thirsty I will give water without price
From the fountain of the water of life
He who conquers shall have this heritage
And I will be his God and he shall be my son

But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the polluted
As for the murderers, fornicators, sorcerers, idolators, and all liars
Their lot shall be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone."

[from Revelation 22:10-13]
And he said to me, he said to me:
"Do not seal up the words of the prophecy, for the time is near
Let the evildoers still do evil, and the filthy still be filthy
And the righteous still do right, and the holy still be holy
Behold, I am coming soon
I am the alpha and the omega
The first and the last
The beginning and the end."

Amen

What are you gonna do?

-Madonna, Justify my love Beast within Remix

Just another day

in Paradise...

Well, yesterday the day didn't went as fast as I wanted, but was not so bad either. Got a call from Groundel during the morning, stating that his auntie had called him and will be sending him some stuff so he puts his stuff together so he can finally change his life for the better... if there is such a thing... It is sad how someone that people have tried to help so much goes ahead and screws all the help with selfish thoughtlessness... Saying "I'm sorry" can never make up for what has been going on in his life...

Anyway... Got a call from Mich and went to take her to get a condolence card. Afterwards, since things had not been so ackward, invited her to have dinner with me. No, people, this is not a hit on, we were just hungry... Pervs... After lunch delivered her home and I went to mine for a nice shower and some necessary sleep.

The mage appeared before midnight, and off we went on our own. As usual, sharing thoughts and life comes too naturally to us. Every second strenghtens the fact that we are meant to be together. Oh, I had not mentioned this, but on Thursday night he asked me if I would marry him... And I said YES, so now we are already caught in the middle of the preparations thinguie. We would like to do this by December this year, but it all will depend on the things that can be done in general... we'll keep ot small, simple, cozy,... and special.

Back to the scheduled programming... Gabe tried reaching me last night, but I had my hands full... And got home too late to call him back. Would try calling today, if my Dori memory does not erase tape... Today we should try watching the WTC moviem and also attenting a demo that a co-worker will offer (yes, free food)... Tomorrow I should pass by the house, maybe take a thing or two over there. Gotta download the wide load at auntiens so the bitchiness gets less evident. Gotta visit the house insurance company on Wednesday, since I plan on taking that day off to get the contractor's ass... better make it "house diligencies" day.

Next week it is Coriolis b-day, so maybe we'll get ourselves up there for a hike through old San Juan if he is available (not around the Colombian road). Tsk, Tsk

10-4

Alive

...

Never again will I be dishonored
And never again will I be reminded
Of living within the world of the jaded
They kill inspiration
It's my obligation
To never again, allow this to happen
Where do I begin?
The choices are endless
Denying the sin
My art, my redemption
I carry the torch of my fathers before me

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I'd rather die
Though they will not understand
I won't make the greatest sacrifice
You can't predict where the outcome lies
You'll never take me alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive

Change again, cannot be considered
I rage again, dispelling my anger
Where do I begin?
The choices are endless
My art, my redemption, my only salvation
I carry the gift that I have been blessed with
My soul is adrift in oceans of madness
Repairing the rift that you have created
I am not alone, brothers, give me your arms now

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I'd rather die
Though they will not understand
I won't make the greatest sacrifice
You can't predict where the outcome lies
You'll never take me alive

I'm no slave
Are you feeling brave?
Or have you gone out of your mind?
No more games
It won't feel the same
If I hold my anger inside
There's no meaning
My soul is bleeding
I've had enough of your kind
One suggestion, use your discretion
Before you label me blind

The thing I treasure most in life cannot be taken away
There will never be a reason why I will surrender to your advice
To change myself, I'd rather die
Though they will not understand
I won't make the greatest sacrifice
You can't predict where the outcome lies
You'll never take me alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive

-Disturbed, I'm Alive

Set Target? Fire!!!

Oh, yes, nothing like hunting and finally getting the smell of the prey.

Been hunting down the damn contractor for almost 3 months now, and now I know where he is working... He still wont answer messages, so a visit seems apropriate, very soon. Many people are looking for him... All describing him as the worst scum on earth. Seems he has lots of problems with many women... And so he is wrapped up in many things... And many scams... I hope I can actually get something out of this, I need the electrical thing to work ASAP and I need the cascade to stop. Damn, I paid him fair and square, so he should finish everything... Let's see how this turns out...

Yesterday survived the day, had some highlights as Zordak passed by at lunch with some goodies, and then at night with more goodies. Yay! Slept some, meds seem to be doing their job... La-la-la... Woke up with a sore body today, but at least my disposition has improved through the day (even if the pain is still there). The news about the contractor, and the mage's appearance, both made my day today. The afternoon has been very wet (raining cats & dogs and loud lightning) and so the back pain has increased a bit... still tolerable... Will not attend photography tonight, as I know I better go home and sleep it off with some of the muscle relaxer.

Yesterday got a call from Mich asking what to do with Groundel, as he was sick with chills and stuff. Gave her the Emergency 101 crash course by phone since I can't drive while taking the meds. Hope that it helped somehow... I'm guessing that he didn't attend work today as he have not called at all.

Lucinda seems lost into the reminiscig lane... Not bad if she is to learn from it all and move on. I am a big fan of looking back and analyzing everything and finding answers, but... when the stuff stinks too much it is better to simply move on. True story. Many things scar us for life, but scars are just there to make you remember that "hey, it happenned... what you did about it... see? you survived... you are strong... you can do anything. move on". Nothing else to do there... I know by own experience. Scars remain. But they dont hurt much right now. Much. It will always sting one way or the other, but you become used to that pain. And in a way, you numb yourself to it.

Coriolis with his happy-busy-schedule. Glad that after all the school experience has been positive for him, and that work issues are finally paying back. Wheeee, o algo.

Zordak, caught in a work-playing nurse gap... sort of... and managing beautifully. So far, he keeps on proving many things to me... Pandora box, indeed. Finally, someone worth my time and efforts that really understands me and loves me as a whole. Who knew...

Feeling: Pink. Lighthearted. Strong. Courageous. I can actually go ahead and rule the world now, for there are no worries or uncertainties. And whatever I achieve, I have someone who truly wants to stand by me... And whom I truly want there in return.

"It's a small world, and a happy one after all."

10-4

ER... pass the ketchup

This is incredible. Yesterday I spent the evening at ER, because of an acute pain. Well, got some more meds and went home… One of the meds is a muscle relaxer… meaning, one pill will make me sleep 14 hrs or more… My aunt woke me up at 6:30 because I was late for work. Then as I explained that I was at ER and had some meds she didn’t believe me… And wouldn’t let me be in the room…WTF? Oh, yes… I forget… I am irresponsible, lazy, party-on-dudette… So… Here I am, at my office… I expect to go flatline any minute now… This sucks…

10-4

Tales from My Crypt

In which the witch realizes that each week a new hex must come true to keep her demons happy... o algo...

Well... Keeping the line of thought of trying to be healthy-er so the body lasts a bit more, and now another thing... Seems I have some kidney pain and so some stones have made their way making me miserable the past 3 days... Ugh! In the last 4 weeks there have been different reasons for different pains, and all have been valid not a product of being hypochondriac... Sheesh! The Divine is having fun...

But no pain is enough to stop me from smiling... Even if laughing does makes me hurt more... What can I say? These past days have been filled with many emotional moments, both filled from the stuff that dreams are made of and filled with deep sorrow and sadness.

First reason for being sad, Groundel. I never expected some things that happenned and that truly create a big chasm between us. I don't think there is more to be said. My core values trust as if it was the last marvel of this cursed world... And the lies have gone out of proportion thanks to the innate ability to lie about anything and everything and thinking that I will never find out... Where is the respect? Where is the kindness? Where is the so-called love?

Second reason for being sad, Trilogy. He now realizes that he had open ground for things to bloom but crashes with the realization of me being in love... not with him. And so, after two decades, he comes to me begging me to go back to him. Because I am the one. Because this is the right time... Blah, blah. And all in all, he says the final words that sounds more as a plea than anything else, that I should not leave him alone... He begged me not to leave him alone. And all I could say was that I was sorry, but I couldn't do anything for him. He keeps pushing himself against all my answers, saying he had left two girls for me, demanding me to do the same... I finally said "I Love him". And for the first time in so many years, Tril was silenced. I don't know if he was true or not... He had so many chances... But if he thinks that I will simply dismiss the mage as anyone unimportant he has another thing going. The mage brought life to a barren, loveless, empty, cold, forsaken world... for such was my world... And I will never betray that kindness which came out of deep respect and true caring. I hate being a cold bitch, as I know I am not... But in this case, I have to be cold. Once a long time ago I stumbled with this rock, and I lost what could have been the greatest love of my life. I make a constant point of recalling that only mistake... so it never happens again. I won't gamble my mage for anything or anyone.

Third reason for being sad, Croc Hunter's death. This morning as I read the news I was deeply saddened by the horrible death that he had... A noble ranger, a rarity in this filthy world... He will be deeply missed.

So... Three reasons for being sad... It all stings, but I go on. And I find myself singing and smiling, just because of one reason that is enough to overcome all the sadnesses in the world. My mage.

10-4

Forsaken

...

I’m over it.
You see I’m falling in a vast abyss
Clouded by memories of the past
At last I see
I hear it fading
I can’t speak it
Or else you will dig my grave
You feel them finding
Always whining
Take my hand
Now be alive

You see I cannot be forsaken
Because I’m not the only one
We walk amongst you
Feeding, raping
Must we hide from everyone

I’m over it
Why can’t we be together?
Endlessly
Sleeping so long
Taking off the masks

At last I see
My fear is fading
I can’t speak it
Or else you will dig my grave
You fear them finding
Always whining
Take my hand
Now be alive

You see I cannot be forsaken
Because I’m not the only one
We walk amongst you
Feeding, raping
Must we hide from everyone

You see I cannot be forsaken
Because I’m not the only one
We walk amongst you
Feeding, raping
Must we hide from everyone

Everyone

Everyone

-David Draiman, Forsaken

Chamber of Secrets

... or so they believe...

The realms within the Land of Mists keep the Pandora box intact so far… The mage is the only constant that keeps shedding light through the gloomy caverns and forests… Each day is a new revelation in terms of those around me. Secrets keep revealing themselves even if I am not asking for them… even if I don’t ask for the truth it comes to me as if a Divine power wanted to reinforce everything I suspect or assume with tangible evidence… So I am truly at peace with my choices, and with my life. Not that it makes me happy to know all this… Not that it adds to my opinion of things… Not that it actually makes me wish for many reactions of the sort that anyone would expect from the mercurial witch…

As the chamber of secrets lay open wide in front of me, I see the mage standing beneath me. And his strength becomes my strength. Silently he witnesses my horrors... But instead of running away he remains, so I know I am not to walk alone anymore. I call forth truth... One by one the images come forth, each telling a new story about the past, each adding the missing pieces of the puzzles that I have never been able to solve. Each piece cuts me so deep, and I am surprised that I don’t faint by the sheer outrage and madness… So much deception, so much lies! I have been immersed in a web of lies for almost two decades… Lies within lies within lies… And all I gave out was truth, faith and hope. Nevermore!

I salute all the bards that spin such vile deceits, as they certainly have a talent… as they were sneaky enough to make me dance to their music, at their own pace, at their own will. From the bottom of my heart: It does not matter now. Reap the fruits of what you all nourished all this time. I don’t belong to you, and you don’t belong to me. I am free to be as I am, I am free to dream all my dreams and make them come true, I am free to live in truth and walk in beauty, even if shadows and mists surround me. No longer shall the Land consume me, or try to turn me from my path… It has been demonstrated who I am, after all… Who I will always be… And so, don’t ask for whom the bells toll… But be certain that the toll will stop… I breed no ill wish towards anyone, live on… But be certain that never again will I allow you to tear apart my heart, or my life... never again.

And so I burn this chamber! May all the secrets burn as well… vanish forever from my life, from my memory… It is over. Go on with your paths… And may the Divine have mercy on your souls.

10-4

Get the party started

...

I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started

Get this party started on a Saturday night
Everybody's waitin for me to arrive
Sendin' out the message to all of my friends
We'll be lookin flashy in my Mercedes Benz
I got lotsa style, got my gold diamond rings
I can go for miles if you know what I mean
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started

Pumpin up the volume, breakin down to the beat
Cruisin' through the west side
We'll be checkin' the scene
Boulevard is freakin' as I'm comin' up fast
I'll be burnin' rubber, you'll be kissin' my ass
Pull up to the bumper, get out of the car
License plate says Stunner #1 Superstar

I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
Get this party started

Makin my connection as I enter the room
Everybody's chillin as I set up the groove
Pumpin' up the volume with this brand new beat
Everybody's dancin and their dancin for me
I'm your operator, you can call anytime
I'll be your connection to the party line

I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
I'm comin' up so you better you better get this party started
Get this party started
Get this party started right now
Get this party started
Get this party started
Get this party started right now

-Pink, get the party started

Hectic

Times

Well, it has been a busy week, on and off work. Today, gotta visit Aguadilla so at least there will be some action within work hours... LOL Back to the review...

Met the mage on Tuesday & Wednesday night since he didn't have work. Yes, the schedule from hell strikes back... but we'll manage. So far, blissfully beautiful...

Yesterday got a call from the half-orc, stating he had eye pain. Couldn't find a doc right away, so today picked him up to take him to one I know near my workplace... His eye is really swollen, he can barely open it! The guy has a bad hex on him (last week the almost cellulitis leg thing, this week the eye...), and it seems beyond difficult to dispel... It gets worst with his attitude, cursing and anger... (sight) Hope that the doc gives him something for that... And that he gets better...

The photography class was a bit more interesting, or at least it moved fast. I guess eating before taking it does make a difference... LOL Tril was on good humor or behaviour, at least until getting near his home... then he starts saying stupid comments... But since I am not caring too much and actually laughing it all off, whatever. He seems really spooked by that... Wheeee, o algo. ;) This weekend the field trip will be towards the salinas, lighthouse and playa sucia... On a labor day weekend... Ugh! But at least it will be interesting, that much I know... I love the place, I go to it yearly. The druid of el faro never forgets...

So... Everyone seems happy and mellow, except the occational passengers, but it is all ok... I'm trying keeping the "me first" focus to keep my stuff running smoothly... So far it all has been truly peachy... Surreal... Nothing like living outside of the Matrix...

10-4

911 for Pixies!

Mysteriously dying on duty... LOL

Monday: Uneventful morning, lunch with Zordak and smooth evening. Took Groundel to pick up some clothing and then went home to sleep. Coriolis still alive crushing courses and the stupid people that comes with them… LOL Anyway… Chilling on Neverland.

Tuesday: Another day that went by smoothly… Onis making funny things with the rat (coquito) that I have in my office… Lulú looking as if she had not slept in days… And Zordak sending messages that woke me up many times… LOL Anyway, the mage was lucky enough not to have work yesterday. Wheee o algo. Gotta make the most of the little time we can be together on weekdays, he’s got a bad work schedule… And so we had a blast at night… Metal, original Candyman, food, watching the ScreenMate, never-ending talks, and 80’s rock… What else can I ask for? Ok, hold that thought, please… Thanks. Went home to find all my kitties are naked… no exception… LOL They somehow have lost their collars, and I cannot find them… Damnit… Sneaky strippers!

Wednesday: So far, so good… Madonna in the background, two job services (amen, and already completed)… Waiting for lunch… La-la-la

Friends: Well, seems that all in all things are falling into place with everyone. Groundel has been around and is trying his best to deal with everything. Raven handling her stuff as well. Tril not giving me much headaches. Coriolis making me laugh my ass off… So yes, seems to a degree everything is uncommonly peaceful and/or quiet in Neverland.

Family: Auntie finally giving me full sentences. This morning she even opened the gates. That’s improvement… Gave her a briefing on Sun morning of all the things I’m doing and that has been going on in my life… Briefing. At least it seems that in a way it did something in her little head… Let’s see for how long now…

Feelings: Unbeatable, strong, amazed, thrilled, joyful, renewed, peaceful, bursting in laughter, dreaming, hopeful, wishing, walking in the clouds, throwing rose petals around me, fireworks, ongoing party to last 24/7… Ok… Stop. Stop! Pixies dying out of cronic nausea… LOL Gotta love THAT!

10-4

Amazing

...

I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin' to walk through
The pain

When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah,I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin' a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die

It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight

That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life's a journey not a destination
And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings

You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk, oh yeah
I was out on the street,
Just tryin' to survive
Scratchin' to stay
Alive

It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight

Desperate hearts, desperate hearts

-Aerosmith, Amazing

Oh, the drama of it all!

These past days have been full of loads… both good loads and bad loads. Neverland was shaken and everything was to change, yet of all things I made the assumption that friendship would prevail, as friendship should be inconditional between people who love each other. Seems I was wrong… but still I stray from the thought that all is lost, as I keep the belief that when the waters calm down, reason and heart should grant passage to a renewed thing… I have been testing waters doing what I haven’t for more than 20 years: Thinking of myself first. It has been troublesome and tiresome, as of course, reactions have varied in all ranges from bad to worst. I have nothing against anyone, I am not looking for a vendetta or revenge or retribution, I am not even gambling friendship away as I thought that was a certain thing at all times… I just have to come to terms in life, if I am to truly live. And that has been my quest for long…

Betsy’s death stirred many things within me, especially that sense of “what if I die today”… I know that her death was sudden, unexpected, painful… But it brought a child into this world… And she left many lessons for those who actually took note. That woman was really an inspiration in my life. Nothing extraordinary about her, she was simply whole. She died, but she did everything she wanted to do. She was living her dreams. And that I admire and respect. Not everyone has the strength and courage and guts to live their dreams, as if it were the last day to live… She taught me that simple lesson. And for long I tried to simply do that… And as I tried reaching out towards that goal, my flight was always halted by invisible walls that took me down all the time. The walls were not coming from me… I knew that. It just went against my nature to do things against anyone… walking over those whom I have loved for so long, for whom I would die willingly. Many chances for change of winds, many wasted opportunities… What to do when you are not taken seriously, when all you get are so many bullets that the pain is a big soreness that hideously shows the mangled parts of who you are…

No blames. I am not here to put blames on anyone. Each knows their own deeds. I only know me, who I am, what I do. And so I grasped the only hint of light that the endless darkness brought along. That it turned out to be a brilliant star that now guides my path, it was all chance… A lovely surprise un-planned for… I thought I could walk along the worlds soundly, but seems that the same people that I love so much want me to take sides on matters… There was never a choice. For me things were fine… and everyone could get along if they wanted to... I thought that my joy would be contagious… How wrong I was…

I am not to dwell on this again. I already had my share of tears and cannot go on in this trip… I refuse to. It’s been almost 20 years of crying endlessly and bitterly and enough is enough. Be at my side out of your own free will, if you want to, if you like it… And take me as I am, for there is nothing evil in who I am… Stay only if you can look me straight in the eye, and promise no lies. My real friends know that is my core, and it doesn’t matter the odds or if they deserve it or not, they know within me they live forever because my love NEVER dies.

So… I’m a bit brooding… Duh. And very sad… I expect maybe too much of some people… But still, I go on. My star shines bright before me, and unlike other times… its magic is healing up some deep old wounds.

10-4

Before I'm Dead

...

Moon hangs around
A blade over my head
Reminds me
What to do before I'm dead

Night consumes light
And all I dread
Reminds me
What to do before I'm dead

Sun reclines, heats my mind
Reminds me what to leave behind
Light eats night and all I never said
Reminds me what to do before I'm

To see you
To touch you
Epochs fly, reminds me
What I hide, reminds me

The desert skies, cracks the spies
Reminds me what I never tried
The ocean wide salted red
Reminds me what to do before I'm dead

To see you
To touch you
To feel you
To tell you

The sun reclines..... remind me
The desert skies.... remind me
The ocean wide salted red
Reminds me

-KidneyThieves, Before I'm Dead

The last 48 hours...

Thursday was pretty hectic. Woke up early to go take some lab tests to check my liver… Work was dull, except for the mandatory highlights of Coriolis calls, free healthy food, and talking with Zordak. After work, took Stv to his apartment to gather some clothing and stuff so he can stay a few days at his mother’s den so his health gets back on track... or something... His foot seems better and his leg is not such a pain as it was on Tuesday. Nah, he ain't gonna die yet. His sister made some cookies and so I took some and went to get Tril so we could attend the photography class. Interesting course, but a very slow thing… The teacher is so boring! Don’t know if it became so long simply because I was so sleepy and hungry. After class went to get some food… Trying to stay within low fat to zero fat parameters so the doctor will be happy… All in all it was a quiet smooth trip, it wasn’t until I was to deliver Tril that he began the Stv-8track play… Ugh! Well, left him in his lair while he kept on with that trip, sorry but I am no longer into listening to that crap… (Useless crap that is not real… He just won’t get reality… Whatever). Met the mage and then teleported home for some sleep… Little sleep as a matter of fact, since I had to wake up early to take Groundel to the lab again…

So today began with the getting Groundel up as he said I didnt mention I was gonna pass by early for the lab thing... well... duh! Ok, patience, patience... Thank God I was under the effects of sinus/allergy med so I didn't really thought beyond the basics... Plus, I awakened with migraine and I am completely out… But gotta keep moving… Found the friggin lab and left him there… Can’t keep on being late at work…

Friday, amen! I am too tired to think or do much… Been getting up too early almost daily for laboratories and the like… I’m in cloud seven as the meds made me very sleepy… The headache is not tolerable, and there is simply too much light… Migraine, gotta love it. Add the period, and the get breakfast nausea... Almost fall asleep at my desk, trying to keep myself busy and awake… Ugh! Guess the plans for tonight include crashing at Lucinda’s and then at the mage’s. I have no energy for anything else. Today, handle with care... too fragile... Please?

10-4

A thought

Listening to a song I got teleported to a time so long ago, too long to be remembered... at some moments were there was no innocense and where evil reigned rampant... I see past is past... The small tree has grown into a strong oak with deep roots that won't let it fall, ever again.

Just a mental note...

10-4

Half-creatures

and Neverland

Groundel has been really ill since Sunday night, seems he got the celulitis again thanks to a foot injury. I took him to the doc yesterday by midday, and she gave him her usual speech… He doesn’t take care of himself, and if he keeps on like this he can loose his legs. The pain he feels is based on dead nerves… It all oppresses my heart, but I know there is nothing I can do. It is him who has to change his perspective in life, instead of literally allowing himself to rot... Sadly...

Coriolis seems to be enjoying everything that is happening to me of late… Well, I am glad I am not the only one smiling (or laughing like a hyena). And I appreciate all that he has done for me, especially being such a good bra (support, people, support!).

Neverland has become quite a magical place... It all is happening so suddenly, and yet without haste... The Art is so mysterious, and wondrous! The Abyss may offer so many dangers, but they don't matter at all... I don't walk alone. Seems I never had... after all...

10-4

Vision

Of Love

Treated me kind
Sweet destiny
Carried me through desperation
To the one that was waiting for me
It took so long
Still I believed
Somehow the one that I needed
Would find me eventually

I had a vision of love
And it was all that you've given to me

Prayed through the nights,
Felt so alone
Suffered from alienation,
Carried the weight on my own

Had to be strong
So I believed
And now I know I've succeeded
In finding the place I conceived

I had a vision of love
And it was all that you've given to me
I had a vision of love
And it was all that you've given me

I've realized a dream, and I visualized
The love that came to be
Feel so alive
I'm so thankful that I've received
The answer that heaven has sent down to me

You treated me kind
Sweet destiny
And I'll be eternally grateful
Holding you so close to me
Prayed through the nights
So faithfully
Knowing the one that I needed
Would find me eventually

I had a vision of love
And it was all that you've given to me
I had a vision of love
And it was all That you turned out to be

-Mariah Carey, Vision of Love

Soaring

into the infinite sea of stars...

I understand many things, especially that now more than ever time needs to take precedence over petty feelings. I am speaking of the half-orc, of course. I am very mad at him for the stupid choice he made… There was no excuse for that. Also the news didn’t do anything to make things smooth either… But I also know he understands why I have taken the choices I have… He has seen me happy. Everyone has seen me happy. That is something too strange and alien, maybe one in a million… It is only once in a lifetime that such an opportunity comes along by chance… something not expected, a small surprise from fickle Fate. I just hate it all has to come to the “choosing between acquaintances” phase… Which by the way I find so stupid. I know that it will be very hard to get along at first, but it can be done. Coriolis is the best example of that, and proof that sacrifices, tolerance, understanding and truth has plenty of rewards.

I feel much hurt from the half-orc, and his ill words towards me were too full of anger that just maybe tried to hide some pain. It all made me feel miserable… Wasn’t it enough just to know that all the dreams and plans and hope had shattered for a long time now? Wasn’t it enough to know that the drifting apart was inevitable? He didn’t really took the initiative to try seeing beyond the words, beyond the sadness, beyond the tears… So many chances… And all in all my loneliness increased exponentially… And he just wouldn’t try reaching… because of the demons he has on his own. I could have killed myself, and I guess that he would just have wondered why. As if I didn’t express myself, as if I simply kept quiet… It is a pity all in all… I am not one who takes years for granted, and although darkness surrounds much things, I always did focused on the small positive moments which gave me enough will to go on… It just came to a point where the burden was too heavy for just my shoulders… The wounds have re-opened instead of healing. The pain became unbearable. And there was simply no exit…

No point dwelling on that… It just haunts me, so many things that could have marked a new beginning but that were eradicated with carelessness out of ignorance and sometimes out of his own will… It all saddens me greatly… but… The show must go on.

Right now, I can feel the changes and transitions… they are all overpowering my senses… yet it is a process I am getting to acknowledge in a way that has never happened before. I feel different. I feel no burdens, no ties, no holding back. I feel as if I were a Phoenix and had just began to soar into the sky, following the road of infinite stars to wherever they may take me. I feel complete. I had to die to be reborn. And so, a new flight takes place, following the spells that unknown forces cast around me… There is a certainty on it all that I simply cannot describe, and a soundness that thrills me. The cleansing pyre rises, ever higher… forever true… Fire brought by darkness, fire made by darkness… yet not consumed by it. There is a calmness and warmth that I’ve only known in dreams. There is a quiet silence that brings all the answers, that fills up the spirit with much faith… The soaring Phoenix lives on, thanks to hope... that has always been there, after all...

As followers of the Art know... Drops of blood bring life... in the end...

10-4

Hold On

by Wilson Philips


I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

[Chorus:]
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind?

[Chorus]

I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day,
If you hold on
Can you hold on
Hold on baby
Won't you tell me now
Hold on for one more day 'Cause
It's gonna go your way

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can't you change it this time

Make up your mind
Hold on
Hold on
Baby hold on

Review

How can I describe this past weekend? Well… It was filled with turmoil, drama, anger, distress, deception, loss, suspense, disappointment, hope and love. Many things have happened, and nothing will ever be the same. One truth stands, the truth of who I am and how much I love my people.

Friday: At night visited Lucinda, did some laundry and had a nice chat near Porta Coeli. That was fun, as I had the chance to witness the insanity that El Calvo usually talks about… of the nightlife in the living city… LOL There was a guy crying because his love didn’t appear to meet him at their 3rd monthaverssary… We told him to go home. Then after a while he came back, crying and a bit drunk, as his love left him a letter in his house dumping him… I know, it’s not funny… But it is! Ok, people, it’s dark humor, bear with me… He vanished and appeared later on, druk, with determination in his eyes, he was gonna hunt for a lady even if it were the last thing he’ll do! Then he sits down to cry his woes… Sheesh! Between the intervals of the crying man, a couple of Americans passed by selling stuff made from the wonders of puertorrican nature… They talked a bit advertising themselves of course, in a very undercover and business-friendly way… Time wasted as no money no bologna… So… The encounters continued as a lovely pair of gay men appeared getting into their house… It was hilarious because for unknown reasons they were dressed with the same ugly patterned shirt… The final encounter was the officer that kept teleporting within the territory of the Porta Coeli,hmmm… or was it the spirit of a nun? Buahahahahah…

Saturday: Had to go shower at my mummy’s place since there was no water at home… Then at midday picked up Zordak to go get some goodies for his girl’s b-day. After that, went to see Descent. During the wee hours of the morning, found Lucinda online and chatted for a while… I hope she puts her stuff together.

Descent: The tale of the friends who gather after a tragedy to have some fun and reconnect… and then everything goes wrong. I LOVED the carrie-like scene… the eyes showing all the hatred that a woman in berserking rage can have. Very entertaining, gives a high kick to the lame look-alike movie The Cave.

Sunday: Cleanup day. Groundel passed by and helped with the kitty litter change, and then the main target was going to the video class… But, took a wrong turn and just like the movie, cannibals ate that idea. At least there was no bloodshed… I wish there was a way to make things less painful, as time and events make things look hopeless. I gave all I had, to others, for others. No evil intent, no lies. I hope that means something someday… Anyway… Passed by Zordak’s place and had another long talk… the usual. Went home just in time so I had no further troubles… And so I surrendered to Morpheus will.

So… Summing things up… chaos, pain, crying, deep sadness, bitterness, disappointment… But among it all, a bliss so peaceful and so beautiful that gives me strength to smile, stand, and go on.

For individual thought:

Groundel: I hope you find the right way, I hope that some light comes to you in your current times of darkness. Each time that something happens to you it hurts me so deeply, because I thought I had taught a few good lessons in your life… I thought I made a difference. I know it is difficult to avoid temptation, to live in a world where sin is offered in a silver plate as the only means to survive… The path less traveled is the path that gives much personal reward, and this I showed you over the years. Remember, acknowledge and evolve. Do not dwell on dark thoughts and dark desires, I beg of you… You must believe that you can do everything you should do, because I know you can. In the beginning you were in at all cost, wiling to do everything… But it all is not lost. Keep my memory intact, and tribute it with doing the right things… All these years cannot be of wasted love… the base of our deep friendship. For what it’s worth, I am here if you need me… I take the good and the bad. I may get angry, upset, disappointed… but I always care because that is who I am and how I like it. Do not question me again. I’ll always be there if you need me, I’m always watching over you.

Lucinda: I hope your Times of Trouble strengthens you, turning you into the woman I used to know back in high school… A woman who do not let anything stop her from her goals, with high aspirations and dreams and will to accomplish anything. A woman who many times stated her self by means of her favorite poem… as her own duality is shown within it in open flesh. I see so much potential in you… Over the years you have let the world turn your dreams and beliefs upside down… It is time to re-awaken. It is time to stand for your rights, on your own… for yourself first, and then for the little ones. You have many tools at your grasp so use them. Be unafraid. You are not alone.

Zordak: Thank you, for everything that was, and that is, and that will keep on being forever.

And the wheel keeps spinning…

10-4

True

Colors

You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

-Cyndi Lauper, True Colors

TGIF

Last night went to take the photography course. Tril cancelled when he called me at work, he’s on his ex-bf voyage and so I let him be. So, went to the place on my own. The class is not as full as the video one, only 54 people… At first the techer seemed too stupid for me, but I guess I must put my mind into the fact that he may be putting things at very low level because of the elderly. That’s cool. From the middle on the class was ok. My aura for kids around me worked again, and this mom with 3 kids seated at my side and wouldn’t stop talking to me… She even gave me crackers… Yup, mommy mode alright… Finished at the agreed time. So far, the class seems interesting, let’s see if I learn something new...

Passed by Lucinda’s to check my email and drink the doctor’s potion. By ten had to go… Was feeling really, really sleepy. Zordak called and so stopped by a video store for some kicks… Hilarious. It’s always a treat having him around, he makes me laugh all the time. Realized it was a bit late, and went home straight to bed… Actually slept the whole night through… I guess I was THAT tired…

Today morning passed fairly quickly… There is an activity at Ponce so there is not many people around. Oh, that is soooooo sad! At least no stupidity around… Breezing until its finally time to go…

Feeling: A bit crappy, but overall happy… Someone has made me smile a lot lately…

10-4

Believe

...

I don't believe in trouble
I don't believe in pain
I don't believe there's nothing left
but running here again

I don't believe in promise
I don't believe in chance
I don't believe you can resist
the things that make no sense

I don't believe in silence
cos silence seems so slow
I don't believe in energy
the tension is too low

I don't believe in panic
I don't believe in fear
I don't believe in prophecies
so don't waste any tears

I don't believe reality would be
the way it should
But I believe in fantasy
the future's understood

I don't believe in history
I don't believe in truth
I don't believe that's destiny
or someone to accuse

I believe, I believe!!!

I don't believe in trouble
I don't believe in pain
I don't believe there's nothing left
but running here again

I don't believe in promise
I don't believe in chance
I don't believe you can resist
the things that make no sense

I don't believe in silence
cos silence seems so slow
I don't believe in energy
the tension is too low

I don't believe in panic
I don't believe in fear
I don't believe in prophecies
so don't waste any tears

I believe!!!

I want you to try, try
to needing to know why, why
No kidding, no sin, sin
No running, no win, win
I believe!!!

No angels, no girls, girls
No memories, no Gods, Gods
No rockets, no heat, heat
No chocolate, no sweet, sweet
I believe!!!

I want you to try, try
to needing to know why, why
No kidding, no sin, sin
No running, no win, win
No angels, no girls, girls
No memories, no Gods, Gods
No rockets, no heat, heat
No chocolate, no sweet, sweet

No feeling, no secrets...
The silence you feel...
which hides you from
the real...
I want you to try, try
needing to know why, why
[keeps repeating, becomes blurred & indistinguishable....]

I believe, I believe!!!

-Franka Potente, Believe (Run Lola Run)

Dont let the sun

go down on me

I can't light no more of your darkness
All my pictures seem to fade to black and white
I'm growing tired and time stands still before me
Frozen here on the ladder of my life

It's much to late to save myself from falling
I took a chance and changed your way of fife
But you misread my meaning when i met you
Closed the door and left me blinded by the light

Don't let the sun go down on me
Although i search myself, it's always someone else i see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

I can't find oh, the right romantic line
But see me once and see the way i feel
Don't discard me just because you think i mean you harm
But these cuts i have, oh they need love to help them heal

Don't let the sun go down on me
Although i search myself, it's always someone else i see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

Don't let the sun go down on me
Although i search myself, it's always someone else i see
I'd just allow a fragment of your life to wander free
But losing everything is like the sun going down on me

-George Michael & Sir Elton John, Dont let the sun go down

After the storm hits...

Well… Things are mellow… The big storm and its children has left nothing but spoils of war. The barrenness of the landscape seems appalling, but then a slight breeze brings in some leaves to soothe the scarred land. Harshness and nothingness brings forth bliss and everything. Little by little the hidden faces come out of their hidden lairs… And as even Nature requires, after Winter Spring must follow, so after destruction a new world is given a chance to live… What is right shall always take precedence over the easy road. Truth shall always precede good intentions. Faith shall always precede hope.

Now to the news…

Me, well… I’m a lab regular by now…LOL The stomach pain/nausea is controlled thanks to the gizillion of meds I’m taking. Managed a frescatta this morning (although it felt as if eating half a New Yorker!). The crackers diet made me loose the balance of sugar and it sky-rocketted… plus seems I was dehydrated thanks to the gastritis… Ugh! So, now I have to stabilized the blood sugar, and then focus on the stomach/vesicula thinguie…

Tonight is the Photography class. I will try to go… Dislike the idea of going alone but, whatever… It’s not like I didn’t took many classes alone at college… Wanted to share the event with Lucinda or Tril, but one is busy and the other is mad at me… I think I should try taking it since I am so into taking pics. I can learn new stuff, and the people attending are interesting in matter of the things/hobbies I like…

Haven’t seen much of Groundel this week, just slight peeks. He is taking charge of his stuff, and says he feels useful for a very long time. I miss having him around, but I understand that in order for him to grow he must fly solo for a while. Not to say I won’t be around to help, but I’ll just be a witness instead of a main character. Let’s see how this movie unfolds…

Trilogy is still focused on the ex-8track and nothing makes him stray from that thought. It is a pity, he have so much talent and could do so much with his life… But I know he likes what he do, and he wont change. His narrow vision of me leaves much to be desired… If he wants a friend, I can be so… but if he wants to complicate things, I am sorry but I won’t handle things. I can’t anymore. This time, I’m betting on doing things for me first.

Coriolis… began studying, already had some close encounters with classmates… LOL Funny how he always ends up the fifth wheel of the odd group…

Lucinda seems in track on putting everything together. If she achieves that, everything else will fall in place.

Gosh, hope Karah is fine! Her baby comes out any minute! Who knows, it can be happening right now!

Red…an interesting addition to the list, on the microscope for now…

And last but not least, Zordak… being himself as usual, no complaints whatsoever. Coming back after a long gap, with much timing on his side…

10-4

Exciting days

Seems that this is the month to stay in sickbay… following Popu’s trend or something… (BTW, hope his stuff is getting better).

Due to the ongoing stomach pain and cronic running to the bathroom each time I eat anything (and I mean anything) that I battled on for 2 weeks, I finally decided to check things with a professional… On Monday went to the doctor at midday and she gave me some pills and some papers to run some tests as the suspicion is that my “vesicula” is inflamated and will have to be taken out. As I arrived late for the tests, I was taken in by the hospital at ER… The nurse almost didn’t found my vein (as usual) so after twisting & turning the needle she got it. Nice. Spent two hours falling asleep while seated at a chair in the middle of a corridor watching docs joke around… Ugh!

Tuesday morning went for labs and sonogram… Only labs could be performed as I had taken my diabetic pill with apple juice and that broke the “you can eat/drink nothing” rule to take the sonothing… I was really pissed as I woke up early for nothing… Went to work, actually went to Aguadilla and spent the day trying to focus on something else but the stupid pain.

Today, went really early to the sono place, and was second in list. Yay! That was fast. But it hurt a-lot… I am getting the feeling that the probabilities for operation increase… Results next Monday… WTF? So that means I have to keep on with this forsaken pain!!! Ugh!

Can’t eat… gotta keep on a gastritis diet so at least the visits to the bathroom are controlled… Can’t laugh, or the pain will get worst. Seems a slight fever comes and goes… This sucks.

Besides being sick, nothing of further public interest. :P I wanted some excitement but this is ridiculous…

10-4

Shadows

on your side

Shackled and raised for a shining crowd
They want you to speak but the music is louder than
All of their roar with the heat of the planet's core-but

[CHORUS]
The shadows are on your side
As soon as the lights go down
In the darkest place you can find
You belong to the hands of the night

Promises made with a distant friend
Truth should be known it can only bend
To a tune of its own
Hey you'll never hear that voice again
Scandal in white on a tangled vine
With everybody to say that you're having the
Time of your life when your life is on the slide-but

[CHORUS]

Spinning a compass to choose your way
You can run you can dive you can stand and you can soar
Whichever way you can be sure-that

[CHORUS]

Shadows on your side
The shadows are on your side

-DuranDuran, Shadows on your side

Highlights

of the weekend..

-Zordak. May I repeat? Zordak. Yup, the mysterious mage that has always lurked somewhere in the demiplane of dread (my world) for more than 16 years. A precious friend. I certainly wish that his stay within the realms of Valachan is a bit longer this time, although I know he has a hectic life… I didn’t realized how much I missed his unique ways.

-Zordak’s Munchkin. LOL Perverts, that is his little girl. She’s as lovely as her mommy and as smart as her daddy.

-Lucinda and “la raja de aguacate”. Oh, had to go fast because of the course and damnit I really wanted a piece of the avocado… oh well…

-Coriolis’s instant friends, mysteriously transformed into angelic guardians.

-Popu’s adventures of the odd kind, and the foot that wants attention… Wait for his story on his side of the net.

-Groundel stating to one of his friends that I am a friend, too.

-Ohhhs and ahhhs at the video course as Miguel Zayas is the professor… Cool, huh?

So, this weekend was full of mystery, horror, knowledge and a bit of drama. Friday night started out bad, bad, bad... Saturday started too early as I took my car to the doc, and went with the doors guy to my house to check that... and messed with uncle and all... Car is happier, still oil change on schedule, next week.

Coriolis passed by (I can die now) with some friends, and finally he had a chance to check my house. He says he liked the view. I knew he would, falcons gather around to look for prey... ;) After a stop at the nearest Texas, detoured to make a brief visit to EL Calvo. He's alive yet... And then delivered myself home. As I was tired and pissed but not sleepy, the mage made his appearance. That was an unexpected thing that really brought some light into all my dark thoughts.

On Sunday got over the routine of ironing my hair (la-la-la) and then went to meet the mage and his familiar. I may have not shown much emotion ( I don't, plus I have the pain that wont go away damnit), but I had a blast. Plus I got to see a side I never imagined from the mage, he's really grown up. Watching daddy caring for his girl really touched me. Anyway, after the meeting picked up Groundel to go to Lucinda's for a while, and then went to take the video course that began today. I had no idea that the conference guy was the famous local director Zayas (I had no idea who he was, then I was like ohhh and ahhh too). He gave a great briefing on everything, and next week will go in more depht over everything. This will be great to meet people who do comunity work in Cabo Rojo and Hormigueros, that have projects I may be interested. I'll give it a little more time so I see what I can do... I need to involve in something...

Feeling sad... still... but maybe hopeful... just maybe.

10-4

Interrupted

End of week, amen.

Migraine, and then some. Happy happy joy joy. Trying to get out of the chains, out of the straight jacket… But there is no use. Its binds are well tightened, and breathing is harder by the second.

Give me life, give me pain, give me myself again… Love spurns, bites, ravages…
The script has been changed completely, again.

10-4

Yello birk flying
Get shot in the wing
good year for hunter
And Christmas parties
And I hate and I hate
And I hate and I hate
Elevator music
The way we fight
The way I'm left here silent

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
These little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

We danced in graveyards
With vampire till dawn
We laughed in the faces of kings Never afraid to burn
And I hate and I hate
And I hate and i hate
Disintegration
Watching us wither
Black winged roses that safely changed their color

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
These little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

I can't reach you
I can't reach you
Give me life Give me pain
Give me myself again

Oh these little earthquakes
Here we go again
These little earthquakes
Doesn't take much to rip us into pieces

-Tori Amos, Little Earthquakes

Louder! Damnit!

Hell, yeah!

I know that I will never be politically correct
And I don't give a damn about my lack of etiquette
As far as I'm concerned the world could still be flat
And if the thrill is gone, then it's time to take it back!
If the thrill is gone, then it's time to take it back!

Who am I? Why am I here?
Forget the questions! Someone gimme another beer!
What's the meaning of life? What's the meaning of it all?
You gotta learn to dance before you learn to crawl!
You gotta learn to dance before you learn to crawl!

So sign up all you raw recruits
Throw away those designer suits
You got your weapons cocked and your targets in your sight
There's a party raging somewhere in the world
You gotta serve your country, gotta service your girl
You're all enlisted in the armies of the night

And I ain't in it for the power,
and I ain't in it for my health
I ain't in it for the glory of anything at all,
and I sure ain't in it for the wealth

But I'm in it 'till it's over and I just can't stop
If you wanna get it done, you gotta do it yourself,
and I like my music like I like my life

Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than - everything else!

Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than - everything else!

(wasted youth - wasted youth, ah)
(wasted youth - wasted youth, ah)

They got a file on me and it's a mile long
and they say that they got all of the proof,
that I'm just another case of arrested development
and just another wasted youth
They say that I'm in need of some radical discipline,
they say I gotta face the truth,
that I'm just another case of arrested development
and just another wasted youth

They say I'm wild and I'm reckless
I should be acting my age
I'm an impressionable child in a tumultuous world,
and they say I'm at a difficult stage

But it seems to me to the contrary,
of all the crap they're going to put on the page,
that a wasted youth is better by far
than a wise and productive old age!
A wasted youth is better by far
than a wise and productive old age!
A wasted youth is better by far
than a wise and productive old age!
A wasted youth is better by far
than a wise and productive old age!
A wasted youth is better by far
than a wise and productive old age!

(louder, louder, louder, louder, louder!)

If you want my views of hist'ry,
then there's something you should know;
the three men I admire most
are Curly, Larry and Moe!
If you don't worry about the future,
sooner or later it's the past
And if they say the thrill is gone,
then it's time to take it back
If the thrill is gone,
then it's time to take it back!

So sign up all you raw recruits
Throw away those two-bit suits
You got your weapons cocked and your targets in your sight
There's a party raging somewhere in the world
You gotta serve your country, gotta service your girl
You're all inducted in the armies of the night

And I ain't in it for the power,
and I ain't in it for my health
I ain't in it for the glory of anything at all,
and I sure ain't in it for the wealth

But I'm in it 'till it's over and I just can't stop
If you wanna get it done, you gotta fight for yourself,
and I like my music like I like my life

Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than everything else!
Everything louder than - everything else!

[Repeat to fade and instrumental coda]

-MeatLoaf, Everything louder than everything else

Unbroken, no fixing, thank-u!

Buahahahahahahaha!

Met by chance an interesting dark entity named Ravyn. In her blog she has one title that got my attention : “Don’t try to fix me, I am not broken”. Hilarious. She’s goth, and narrates how she must struggle against normal people who either try to “help” her or men that have a “savior” complex. Speaking with her I see a kin soul… She has a void nothing can fill, neither love, nor family or success… The sadness that comes up whenever a charade of bliss and happiness becomes tiresome. She tried once to belong to the normal world, but living a whole lie, appearing as you are not, is both burdensome, tiresome, and beyond stupid. So now she shows her true colors within the goth philosophy, which was her way of thinking from the beginning after all… It was odd to hear her complain about feeling everything, being empathic and all emotions-feelings is one of her greatest flaws… and messes up her life… and doesn’t help the void… My, did I relate to that! And yes, one knows love, and still love cannot fill the great void… just patch it up for a while.

My all-feelings, all-emotions being has been responsible for mayor catastrophic events in my life. And I cannot help it… although I’ve tried… I’ve been preached that I must be logical and make sound decisions, but my nature is not logic and cold calculations… My nature is basing actions on feelings… And somehow I can get what people feel as well, adding to me as I absorb everything as a sponge… It is not something I want to do, it is something that happens automatically… Because it is in my nature. Why should I care to have the burden of straightening everything I see and feel is wrong? Simple realization can answer that: If I don’t, no one else would care to do so. And it doesn’t really matters what everyone else does or don’t, what matters is what I can or can’t do… In the end it is me with all my own personalities chatting over coffee and a cinnabun… Even if sadness and ultimate loneliness engulfs me, it feels good to stand for what I believe is important, to go ahead and try fixing all wrongs I encounter… No one said it would be an easy task or that it all would be appreciated… especially by humankind… Whatever you do must be for yourself, for your beliefs, for your will and your own inspiration.

I’ve always done what I felt was right, even if it has been the less logical of all alternatives. I just know that logical is not for me… and would have left me feeling worst. The cruel, icy bitch that most think I am is a mask that I wear without any thoughts about it… Seems that is the only defense mode that I can have… Sometimes it works, as my enemies really think so much ill from me… But somehow even appearing so anti-humankind is nothing compared to the ability I have to attract problem people and allow them to feel they can trust me because I am a tomb. Yup, it’s a “careful with the bitch, she’s daughter of Satan” that comes glued to “but she has a kind heart and you can trust her, so bare your soul to her”… It’s a duality I don’t understand quite well, but that by now I accept… Ah, the empath… The worst is knowing the answers to problems but having to stand by because people wont hear them or have them… Which feeds the sadness on a constant basis… It’s the core truth of being alive in this rotten world: Sadness and pain will come in a constant basis, no matter where you turn… And that feeds the void one feels… It’s not a wanting to feel this way, but a feeling this way because it seems that’s simply what we do… Some of us are dark gifts brought to this world, to make a difference even if it’s small… to initiate things, to act, to fight back… Even against common beliefs, even if against all odds. So nothing will ever be right, because we are over-flooded with so much to do… because this world needs lost of fixing up. So the pain that we feel within our souls fuels our actions… and has a reason of being. The never ending wheel that rolls and rolls… A purpose ruled by the will of the Divine… We are little dark gifts. Humanity, enjoy!

10-4

Three blind (and deaf) mice...

Well, doors are up but they have not finished yet. They still need to place them seamlessly, and the window… But at least that stress is wearing off a bit.

Went to get the shock absorvers, these should be the ones. They offered a specialprice to put them on, and said they will honor it so maybe I’ll do that on Sat morning if I have enough cash left…

Haven’t seen anyone on Mon & Tue, basically confined at home… Yup, sickbay… Of course Coriolis kept my ear occupied on Monday night, and yesterday downloaded some stuff to see if I get some viruses off the system… would HATE to reformat again…

I woke up today with a pinched nerve on my neck-back… Lovely… And I feel sick but I’m not, so I guess I may be? Who can tell… Whatever… Back in my office, ah, the cozy smell of A/C and the lovely sound of servers… And they wonder why I’m growing deaf and blind by the hour…

10-4

Todo a la vez…

Because nothing can come in a single serving…

Today had to do the Yauco travel. On the way, got a call stating that the guy of the doors would pass by during the day to do his job. Yay, but I couldn’t go check because I was on the way to Yauco… So uncle shouldve gone (hopefully)… Got a call from WA stating the shock absorvers appeared… hopefully they will be the right ones this time around… Gotta pick them up after work…Got a call from Tril asking about amusement park accidents. Got a call from Steve stating he had to go with his sis and mom to do something in the afternoon… Stopping in the SG-CAA almost didn’t makeit out since the only guy posted there was bored and kept talking and talking… stating things about how work caused stress that lead to his face arterial burst o algo. Arrived to my office, and as usual people don’t wait until you open the door but launch at you stating all their needs… After work gotta go to WA, then pass by the house to see from outside because I wont have keys… Then home, because I can state that I have a BIG headache right now… Been the whole week with headaches, migraine and tummy pain… Ugh!

Eyes and brain are tired. Please, no biggie just a regular combo without mayo, ketchup or salt… for the go… Whatever…

10-4

Life and some needful things

Well, at least these past days have not been a complete waste. Been quite busy with lots of stuff… Good not to think too much.

Friday night was the pits because of migraine, so basically went to dewll on my cave with lots of ice covering my ice and forehead. Frozen thoughts as a result, best news in months.

Saturday began early, sort of. Groundel invited for breakfast, and from there we went to my house for a cleanup frenzy. No water, but since it rained cats and dogs got the idea to fill up all containers with water from the rain and so… Filling, emptying, filling… gpoing upstairs, cleaning, emptying, going downstairs, filling… You get the idea… Working the whole afternoon, later on I would realize that yes, my arms are definitively there! Tril called for a movie outing, so at least the night was entertaining. Movie and dinner. Wheeeee!

Monster House: Wow! It has been a long time since previews didn’t actually tell what the movie is about… I mean, yes, duh, it’s a monster house literally but the story behind it is so nice! In a Ravenloft kinda way… And the fact that the ending credits has a Siouxie & the Banshees song is the cherry of the sunday. You have this neighborhood in which kids are always out playing around… And as all neighborhoods, there is an old house that looks wicked, and on which lives an old grouch who would not let kids step into his lawn. “Get off my lawn” he would scream, chasing away kids, taking their toys and braking them. Signs of beware and keep off were stuck all around the creepy house… The boy next door (living in front of the house) as every nosy neighbor do, always keeps an eye on the wherabouts of the old guy. He knows that if a toy falls in his land, an unfortunate kid will loose it forever… after receiving quite a good set screaming and kicking too! Well… his best friend appears with a shining new basketball, and while chubby manifests himself the ball lands on the old guy’s lawn. The quest to get the ball begins… and I wont go any further so I don’t spoil it for you. It is a nicely written tale, that keeps girls smart, boys curious and wives evil. ‘Nuff said.

Sunday morning began with washing my hair and then the not so mandatory but what the heck two hours of ironing it so it is silky smooth straight… Awww… Well, gotta keep it neat if I flash the unnatural colors… cannot get away with unkept and unnatural, that’s a zombyfied no-no. Finally tumbled breakfast, and began organizing all the clothing that was outside my closet… The afternoon began with heavy rain. Groundel called after 2 to let me know he was soaking wet while trying to reach my house, stuck in the nearby pharmacy. Went to get him, he looked funny as yes, he was soaking wet, and standing against the wall while staring at the rain as a wet cat would… Mamauuu o algo… LOL Anyway, back home so I would finish my closet and gave the wet cat some dry clothing and breakfast. Didn’t have long pants, so shorty shorts had to do… The results were hazardous for kids but well… At least the shorts were not wet. ;) Anyway, Tril called reaching 5pm but had to decline as I was going out to do the laundry at Raven’s. Duty before fun, but I’ll take a raincheck. At Raven’s the back to school frenzy was in all its glory, and while she scrapbooked the notebooks, laundry was served. By 9:30 had to call for a time out, as migraine striked and had to go home… working Monday was ahead…

Situation at home: Auntie still not talking to me. Actually trying to annoy me with some things but I’m just getting off the way, staying on my confined room. Kitties misbehaving but happy in their own way (Food, drink, toys, human slaves and litter… What else could they want? Freedom? You will see Roxie turning up her nose towards that thought!). Nothing else of note…

House situation: Gotta find an electrician to check thing and the reason why there is no light. Must wait for the next 15th for that matter… Doors should be done next weekend. I need to do a round of bug killer so the bugs get the point that humans are to invade their lair. Then to tear down closets and the rotten cabinets. Need to get dome planks to keep the kitchen’s sink up while tearing down everything else. And after that a final Clorox cleanup to make sure everything is neat. With that done I will try to move almost everything over there. It’s a matter of keeping the chronology moving… Next on the expense lane is the water tank (December 2006) followed by the closet doors (February 2007), followed by the cabinets (December 2007) followed by the floor downstairs (December2008) followed by the upstairs bathroom ( December 2009) followed by downstairs bathroom (December 2010).

Feelings situation: Still sad, but not dwelling on it… What I don’t do no one else will do for me, so there’s no sitting around just wishing. Life goes on.

Friends situations: Groundel should start college next week. Still on a job quest. Raven in back to school mayhem… Houston, we lost her… LOL Coriolis, had me worried for a while but he was just on Outter Planes (does he thinks he is Elminster or something?)… And Trilogy is trying to keep pace with me… Still, he needs to get I don’t run around having fun but actually doing things... I am grown up, even if he doesn’t like it. I wonder if Karah already had her baby… I also wonder about NoName, he is taking the vanishing act seriously! :P

Life situation: Getting info on studies matters, so January is more certain. Too many expenses and too many unsolved mysteries right now. Want to travel but seems that is a wishful thought in itself… Still, need to do so because I need a break from this island and its ongoing sickness.

Work: Need to go to Yauco and Aguadilla but Im stuck because of rain and no gas for the car… No transportation available either… It sucks… But, whatever. Dance to the beat that you are given… While trying to make things better.

10-4

When darkness falls...

Another worthless week passes by. Said some… being told some… Tried doing some… Always swimming against the current, nothing ever goes my way. Hexed from birth, thank you very much. One by one the lords of the council vanish, either stepping out or being murdered by fate. Good? Bad? Who can really tell… I’m out of place. I keep feeling ethereal, as an apparition that people passes by every moment. Transparent, inconsequent, unimportant, taken for granted, ignored, hated, misunderstood, misjudged… So many things the ignorant assume just by looking at you… So many things that friends and family assume as they don’t even bother to ask… I am so tired of people assuming things from me, things that has absolutely nothing to do with who I am and what I believe. Somehow I am expected to be this titanic entity of evil, and seems no matter how much they know you it is all they believe… It is disappointing when you take blames that are not yours, when people insist on you being something that is completely opposite of you.

Facing the world and its challenges is one thing, facing your close ones is another thing. It all has been a waste of time, a waste of hope, a waste of good intentions, a waste of love. It is true, more often than not people deserve what comes to them… but when a constant of bad things happens to the good people one has to wonder where is the justice? Where is the fairness? Is it really true that good things come to those who wait? Is it true that goodness prevails in the end? The only real truth is that only the good die young… and I can see why. The world suffocates any good intention because it either fears it or envies its intent. There are countless reasons for not being good… the most common is ease of living… followed by convenience and personal gain… followed by the wrong definition of what freedom means… followed by hate, anger and fear… followed by raw violence, carelessness and retribution… followed by loss, mundane bliss and carnal awakening… Countless reasons to kill off the idea of what love is, of true friendship, of compassion, of faith, of hope, or the greater good… Why suffer when you can live well… Who cares about a condemned soul, it is not as important as an instant of retribution… Who cares about the concept of good when evil is so delicious? Why think twice when many can benefit of a tainted act?

I don’t presume to be innocent. I have many flaws, and every day I fight many demons to stay in the trail of the Divine. Life and circumstances do not make things easy, a fiery entity as I am is easily taunted and enraged… But I do bind myself to some core rules so I do not regret my actions. I know regret, just one event in my life was enough to teach me regret… enough to make me try by all means to stay away from that path. That is why I may seem so passionate towards good beliefs, so bitchy in the eyes of people… I know that to each person truth may have different shades, but interpretation of truth is one thing and real facts is another. Real facts in black and white are true, no matter if they work against one. And that’s how things should always be. Bending the truth, disguising it, covering it up, saying nothing about it… in the end it all leads to pain and troubles even deeper that the truth would have brought in the first place. It is a simple fact that everyone around me seems to disdain, ignore, dismiss… Lies lead to deep regret as they lead to deep hurt that never heals.

So many good intentions can be misinterpreted as being judgements or opinions… So many words can be misinterpreted as being tactless, mean, accusing… Speaking up is worst than writing things down, as words often flow without the adequate structure… And have the added burden of tone and expressions… When I speak up most people think I am fighting all the time. My warrior speaks in commands and so certain of herself… As mercurial as I am there is no way to avoid being emotional in tone and expressions… And that translates to being bitchy. But a few have been there to witness how soothing my voice can be, so bitchiness is not an innate thing that always happens… It happens as situations deserve it. Is it my fault that most situations ask for it? I will not stand aside and do nothing if I know I can do something or say something about a matter…

Most people dismiss little things as unimportant, when in reality little things can be the most important because they completely deal with the question of who you are and who you believe yourself to be, and who you want to be. I am cursed with seeing the little things that matters, and so I must point them out. People live their lives in such hectic ways, taking for granted so many things… And it makes me think that if I were to miss the little things as a consequence of haste and ignorance, nothing would matter… because the little things were the most important things… Staying true to who you are is important. Living righteously is important. No regrets or fears or anger or choices should hinder who you are in the core as long as you do what is right… No one said that doing what is right is easy, or painless, or self-explanatory… As a matter of fact it is painful, it is difficult, it is mostly NOT appreciated by anyone human… And it can get really lonesome in the process… The world CAN and WILL turn against you. Nothing will be as planned, or as expected… But only one thing will remain: Truth with no regrets.

And so all I have is truth with no regrets… I’m sad, yes. I’m deeply hurt, yes. I wish things were different, yes. I wish I didn’t feel so lonely in this forsaken world, yes. But although I do not have anything material, or anyone really standing at my side looking with me to the future… I have peace of mind. I fight for dead causes, but they are worthy causes. I know who I am even if I don’t know my purpose. I am a survivor, and although I may not get all I want in this lifetime I know that there are plenty of other lifetimes to make up for this one. I am not happy, granted, but I am certain that striving for good against all odds will bring happiness in the end. Wherever that end may be.

Yes, I don’t remember the last time I smiled for a full day. Yes, I don’t recall careless kindness sent my way. I have been so lost that I’ve been looking up the definition of real love everywhere. My sadness brings me down to it. I think I have lost the ability to love, and it seems ironic because all I do is because of love… string-less, unconditional, perennial… My burdens are not just my own, and I don’t mind. I’ve always believed that whoever I love is part of me, and so their lives are part of me forever. Trilogy, Raven, Coriolis, and Groundel… Always my greatest loves. Auntie, my only close family. And when I get the thoughtless sentence “that is not of your business” it simply feels as a slap in the face, because my things are always their business and so their things are mine… because we are one… because love made it so… because our bond gives that right. So it is in my mind and in my heart. I cannot change that. So I cannot stop being hurt by those I love most. I’ve tried to conceal my all-emotions weakness, and it comes stronger than ever. Fate is fickle and has a good sense of humor… which I don’t.

“As long as there is light within, thou shall not fear darkness even if it engulfs you.”
-Nizzré Mrimm, Harpist of Eilistree

10-4

Staying

Alive?


Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a woman's man: no time to talk.
Music loud and women warm.
I've been kicked around since I was born.

And now it's all right - it's O.K. -
And you may look the other way.
We can try to understand
the New York Times' effect on man.

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,
You're stayin alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin' and ev'rybody shakin'
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, Stayin' Alive.

Well now, I get low and I get high
And if I can't get either I really try.
Got the wings of heaven on my shoes
I'm a dancin' man and I just can't lose.

You know it's all right, it's O.K.
I'll live to see another day.
We can try to understand
the New York Times' effect on man.

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,
You're stayin alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin' and ev'rybody shakin'
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, Stayin' Alive.

Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help me.
Somebody help, me, yeah.

Life goin' nowhere. Somebody help, me, yeah.
Stayin' Alive

-Saturday Night Fever, BeeGees, Staying Alive

Brainless she-elf

The she-elf at work appeared at the main office while I was at lunch. It was nice to see her, but her news made me so sad… and angry!

As a background: Girl meets boy, boy dumps her, girl meets another boy, girl gets pregnant, girl lost child, girl discovers boy had a lover, boy gets dumped, girl has car accident and scorpion bite. Ok, now, girl goes back to the guy she had dumped and on the first night gets pregnant again. One month later girl is told the news, and that she must be at rest if she intends to go on with the baby… So girl has taken a 3-month leave from work starting tomorrow… And guy will be stuck with all bills and her for the next 3 months (if he stays…)… I never said that this she-elf was bright… Stupidity seems the main trait of common women in this island. This girl is just 18 years old, not studying, was lucky enough to get a permanency at a gov job… and is obsessed with having a friggin baby. All of which makes me upset and nauseous.

Why women are so obsessed with having children when they know that they do not have the environment required to raise them?

Why women want children when they have not finished studying?

Why women want to simply get married to “solve all their problems at home”?

Why women think having kids is such a beautiful thing, the only greatest thing they were meant to do in life?

Why women in the 21st Century don’t get the idea that having kids when you are too young, with no education, with no husband, with no certainty of what you want in life… is not ok?

Why women less than 21 years old don’t get the fact that they will be kids raising kids, that kids are not toys, that they need to have a future to be able to give kids a future?

Why women less than 21 do not protect themselves if they cannot stop the urge of being fucked (sorry but making love is not what is in their minds)?

Kids are forever. You never stop being a mother, not even when they grow up (then you have more things to add as friends, boyfriend, hubby, and more children around! Never ending story, people!). It is not a game. It is a responsibility that should be taken seriously, as the future of the world will be in the hands of our children. Bringing kids to the world (a cursed world as this one is!) is plain wrong if the only motive is an oops, but they are so cute… Are we rabbits? Are we cats? No. We are supposed to be the thinking animals, the ones who know what is good or not… the ones who should be able to learn from mistakes and work towards perfection… We are supposed to know that each child we bring to this world is an extension of ourselves, and so must be molded and taught with discipline in mind and kindness in the heart… and both are NOT easy tasks. How can a teenager with so many problems with so many conflicts in the head be certain she must have a child at all cost, to have a reason in life? Plain wrong.

I guess that by the standards in this island of loss I am a complete loser because I am not married, and have no kids, and I am a 33 year old hag. Kids seem to give you some kind of status in here… “Awww, you have no kids?”, they say with pity and utter sadness… As if women could only have that goal as a base of their living… The mean on this place is that girls just want to marry and have kids… find someone who support them and to dance reggaetón all night long. Great expectations… Where is learning? Where is instruction? Where is culture? Where is getting a good job? A house? A big dog? A pride of cats? Traveling? Success? No. They just wanna get laid and dance and have kids…

If there is alien life out there, PLEASE nuke us!

10-4

Snakes, spiders and cats

Seems that the utter boredom that I usually experience now has been displaced by a lovely concern... There was a slight incident last week on which a snake lost its precious life. No, I am not sorry for the snake... But I'm very sorry for my ass, as it will spend days or even decades in a place filled by these foul creatures (sorry setites everywhere... not in love with Set). Trying to find out more about the lovely fauna of my new house I started browsing some people who will be close to me when I move, asking them about snakes... Oh, yes... there will be harmless snakes, and add to that hairy spiders (which bite), scorpions (locally known as alacranes), and centipedes... The joys of being in the countryside... I'm terrifyed of spiders (and did I mentiones snakes and other creatures under the arachnid cathegory)... More than that, it's an unreasonable phobia that manifests leaving me without air, sometimes completely frozen, sometimes making me walk very slowly backwards and very much away from the critter in question... Woe of woes! How will I survive in such an infested land?

Never fear! Kitties are here! And according to some legends, cats and snakes hate each other because they consume the same food... so they try to avoid each other whenever possible...

My life depends on Michita and the gang... They are 8... They should be able to best anything!!! Do I feel better about it? Call it lack of faith... but... Hell no!

Just an addition to the string of curses that I acquired... And the cherry on top of the sunday... The light people did went to my house, say they put the light... It doesn't work, so either they did something wrong or the contractor's people did something wrong. Now to the quest of finding out... Lovely...

Send me a Great Spirit to take away this curse!!! Damnit!!!

It's not easy

being green...



It's not that easy being green;
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves.
When I think it could be nicer
being red, or yellow or gold...
or something much more colorful like that.

It's not easy being green.
It seems you blend in with
so many other ordinary things.
And people tend to pass you over
'cause you're not standing out
like flashy sparkles in the water
or stars in the sky.

But green's the color of Spring.
And green can be cool and friendly-like.
And green can be big like an ocean,
or important like a mountain,
or tall like a tree.

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why,
but why wonder why?

Wonder, I am green
and it'll do fine,
it's beautiful!
And I think it's what I want to be.

-Kermit the Frog