Donations for Tsunami disaster SURVIVORS
Here is a reliable place in which to give help, World Vision donation's site:
DONATIONS FOR TSUNAMI SURVIVORS click here!!!
If you have any problems accesing that site, try WORLDVISION.org
Or, you may also call toll-free 888-56-CHILD (24453)to make a donation to World Vision's Asia Tsunami Response.
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Friday, December 31, 2004
Tsunami... and God
Here is a nice essay about the Tsunami disaster and the role of God… I found that it says many truths, so I am posting it here. The death toll has surpassed 120,000. We should all at least give positive thoughts towards those who died, and those who are struggling to live.
Was God in This Disaster?
Turning to both Judaism and Buddhism for solace, the author meditates on God's role in the tsunami tragedy.
by Rodger Kamenetz
I am trying to connect to this tragedy the best I can. The pictures help a little. I see dead children on the floor, a parent weeping. The little ones look like they are sleeping; it is unimaginable that they are dead. I see a parent holding his dead child. I feel in my body what it is like to hold... that weight. To feel the life gone, and the heaviness of a body that does not have life. It is different from holding a sleeping child, carrying a child to bed for instance. I can feel what this father feels in the photo, can reach in my imagination, and in my memory.
But I can't multiply what I feel by 10,000 or 40,000, or even by ten. We know more than we can feel. And we respond as best we can, I think. This is our situation in a time of instant global communication.
The heart does see from one end of the world to the other, and faster than the internet.
I read that when someone witnessed the huge tidal wave approaching the shore, he thought it was "biblical." The flood story came to his mind, I guess, and behind it the old primitive idea of an angry God, destroying what he once created. Some people still think this way: everything bad that happens is a curse or a punishment and has a reason, even if we don't know what the reason is. I don't buy it.
The children killed didn't have enough time in this life to deserve this death. This kind of disaster opens difficult prospects for the Western imagination. Some would see in it a monstrous demiurge: an all-powerful God who kills innocent children. We hear the bitter words in King Lear: "As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport." Others, seeking to justify God to man, will offer the simple idea that whoever suffers somehow had it coming.
There is a deeper story about suffering in the Talmud. In this story, Moses travels to heaven and sees for himself that Rabbi Akiba is the greatest teacher of Torah. When Moses asks God what Akiba's reward will be, God shows him a vision: Akiba tortured by Romans in the marketplace, his flesh stripped from his body.
Just as it is incomprehensible to us that children, whole families, whole islands could be taken up by a wave and drowned, it is incomprehensible to Moses that a great and good teacher would be "rewarded" with torture.
When Moses asks why, God answers with a riddle, "It arose in thought."
To our own human notion of justice, "it arose in thought" seems cruel and unaccountable. Those who wrote this story must have felt that injustice keenly. But the starkness of this tale shows a kind of maturity of vision we sadly lack in today's religious discourse. God in the story offers no real explanation. There is none at the human level that we could understand. We stand before it stunned and uncomprehending.
At the level of our feelings of right and wrong, we understand there is no explanation for dead children on a beach who were playing and swimming one moment and taken away by a huge wave in the next. I can't accept the answer suggested by the Buddhist idea of group karma, that whatever happens to a group is somehow the result of a previous action of that group, either in this life or in a previous life. I don't accept that explanation in this case.
I don't believe it because this disaster happened to children. They didn't have enough time in this life to deserve this death. And in a previous life? No, that is too abstract for me. The explanation that their acts in a previous life may have warranted this death lacks specificity--and a number of deaths so huge already lacks too much specificity. I need to feel more, not less.
One time I asked the Dalai Lama how he would respond to a parent who had lost a child. And he said--these aren't his exact words--that when you lose a child you are constantly thinking of that child in your imagination. He called the child a "dear one." And he said, "You must know that your 'dear one' does not want you to suffer, to feel so much grief." I found this meditation wholly beautiful. I don't believe in a God who punishes through disaster. The disaster is.
He added that for a Buddhist, suffering is in the nature of things, and so he would try to remind a Buddhist to reflect on that. But, he said, for a Westerner, there would arise the question of meaning. This boils down to the question of Job: Why would a just God allow the innocent to suffer? The question is just as profound for an individual loss as for a mass disaster: It doesn't get more profound, just more inescapable.
I don't believe that a mass disaster, in and of itself, tells us anything about God. I don't believe in a God who punishes through disaster. The disaster is. That is exactly the way I would understand it, without adding my own interpretation, without supplying a meaning or completing the sentence. The disaster is. The tragedy is. And I need to abide with it, and feel it, instead of seeking an answer, because the answers just make me complacent and take me away from the children on the beach, and the father with the dead child in his arms.
There is no God in the disaster.
I think there is God in the response, in the human hearts of those who are feeling and responding to this, the families and neighbors of the victims, and the rest of us, the bystanders, and us, too. The whole world is feeling it.
I used to think that if something unaccountably bad happened to someone, it needed to be compensated by something good. That was my own internal accounting, my own way of repairing my sense of order, of justice. A boy loses his sight, but he becomes a musical genius. A teacher of mine lost his mobility to polio, but he gained the ability to be a blessing to others. One time I said such things in a public talk, and a woman in a wheelchair rolled toward me and said with great seriousness and very slowly, "I would like you to consider that a disability means…absolutely nothing."
I heard her and felt how I had glibly covered over my heart with an easy reaction.
I love what the Baal Shem Tov, the founder of modern Hasidism, said when asked to define equanimity. "If whatever happens you can say, if it's good enough for God, who am I to judge? That's equanimity." And he added, "But that is a very high rung."
It is a very high rung and I cannot say I am standing on it now, and rarely ever. I cannot say that this tsunami is for the good.
It is not for the good, it is not for the bad. It just is.
It is not a blessing, it is not a curse, it just is.
A tectonic plate shifted, and a vast wave spread across the ocean, and took with it many lives.
And now another wave is spreading, and it is also vast, and it spreads through the hearts of those who let themselves feel it.
The disaster is. It happened to a "dear one," someone's "dear one," many dear ones. I open my heart and feel it. The place it touches in me, touches God.
In the New Year,
may your right hand always be stretched out
in friendship,
never in want.
-Irish toast
Was God in This Disaster?
Turning to both Judaism and Buddhism for solace, the author meditates on God's role in the tsunami tragedy.
by Rodger Kamenetz
I am trying to connect to this tragedy the best I can. The pictures help a little. I see dead children on the floor, a parent weeping. The little ones look like they are sleeping; it is unimaginable that they are dead. I see a parent holding his dead child. I feel in my body what it is like to hold... that weight. To feel the life gone, and the heaviness of a body that does not have life. It is different from holding a sleeping child, carrying a child to bed for instance. I can feel what this father feels in the photo, can reach in my imagination, and in my memory.
But I can't multiply what I feel by 10,000 or 40,000, or even by ten. We know more than we can feel. And we respond as best we can, I think. This is our situation in a time of instant global communication.
The heart does see from one end of the world to the other, and faster than the internet.
I read that when someone witnessed the huge tidal wave approaching the shore, he thought it was "biblical." The flood story came to his mind, I guess, and behind it the old primitive idea of an angry God, destroying what he once created. Some people still think this way: everything bad that happens is a curse or a punishment and has a reason, even if we don't know what the reason is. I don't buy it.
The children killed didn't have enough time in this life to deserve this death. This kind of disaster opens difficult prospects for the Western imagination. Some would see in it a monstrous demiurge: an all-powerful God who kills innocent children. We hear the bitter words in King Lear: "As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport." Others, seeking to justify God to man, will offer the simple idea that whoever suffers somehow had it coming.
There is a deeper story about suffering in the Talmud. In this story, Moses travels to heaven and sees for himself that Rabbi Akiba is the greatest teacher of Torah. When Moses asks God what Akiba's reward will be, God shows him a vision: Akiba tortured by Romans in the marketplace, his flesh stripped from his body.
Just as it is incomprehensible to us that children, whole families, whole islands could be taken up by a wave and drowned, it is incomprehensible to Moses that a great and good teacher would be "rewarded" with torture.
When Moses asks why, God answers with a riddle, "It arose in thought."
To our own human notion of justice, "it arose in thought" seems cruel and unaccountable. Those who wrote this story must have felt that injustice keenly. But the starkness of this tale shows a kind of maturity of vision we sadly lack in today's religious discourse. God in the story offers no real explanation. There is none at the human level that we could understand. We stand before it stunned and uncomprehending.
At the level of our feelings of right and wrong, we understand there is no explanation for dead children on a beach who were playing and swimming one moment and taken away by a huge wave in the next. I can't accept the answer suggested by the Buddhist idea of group karma, that whatever happens to a group is somehow the result of a previous action of that group, either in this life or in a previous life. I don't accept that explanation in this case.
I don't believe it because this disaster happened to children. They didn't have enough time in this life to deserve this death. And in a previous life? No, that is too abstract for me. The explanation that their acts in a previous life may have warranted this death lacks specificity--and a number of deaths so huge already lacks too much specificity. I need to feel more, not less.
One time I asked the Dalai Lama how he would respond to a parent who had lost a child. And he said--these aren't his exact words--that when you lose a child you are constantly thinking of that child in your imagination. He called the child a "dear one." And he said, "You must know that your 'dear one' does not want you to suffer, to feel so much grief." I found this meditation wholly beautiful. I don't believe in a God who punishes through disaster. The disaster is.
He added that for a Buddhist, suffering is in the nature of things, and so he would try to remind a Buddhist to reflect on that. But, he said, for a Westerner, there would arise the question of meaning. This boils down to the question of Job: Why would a just God allow the innocent to suffer? The question is just as profound for an individual loss as for a mass disaster: It doesn't get more profound, just more inescapable.
I don't believe that a mass disaster, in and of itself, tells us anything about God. I don't believe in a God who punishes through disaster. The disaster is. That is exactly the way I would understand it, without adding my own interpretation, without supplying a meaning or completing the sentence. The disaster is. The tragedy is. And I need to abide with it, and feel it, instead of seeking an answer, because the answers just make me complacent and take me away from the children on the beach, and the father with the dead child in his arms.
There is no God in the disaster.
I think there is God in the response, in the human hearts of those who are feeling and responding to this, the families and neighbors of the victims, and the rest of us, the bystanders, and us, too. The whole world is feeling it.
I used to think that if something unaccountably bad happened to someone, it needed to be compensated by something good. That was my own internal accounting, my own way of repairing my sense of order, of justice. A boy loses his sight, but he becomes a musical genius. A teacher of mine lost his mobility to polio, but he gained the ability to be a blessing to others. One time I said such things in a public talk, and a woman in a wheelchair rolled toward me and said with great seriousness and very slowly, "I would like you to consider that a disability means…absolutely nothing."
I heard her and felt how I had glibly covered over my heart with an easy reaction.
I love what the Baal Shem Tov, the founder of modern Hasidism, said when asked to define equanimity. "If whatever happens you can say, if it's good enough for God, who am I to judge? That's equanimity." And he added, "But that is a very high rung."
It is a very high rung and I cannot say I am standing on it now, and rarely ever. I cannot say that this tsunami is for the good.
It is not for the good, it is not for the bad. It just is.
It is not a blessing, it is not a curse, it just is.
A tectonic plate shifted, and a vast wave spread across the ocean, and took with it many lives.
And now another wave is spreading, and it is also vast, and it spreads through the hearts of those who let themselves feel it.
The disaster is. It happened to a "dear one," someone's "dear one," many dear ones. I open my heart and feel it. The place it touches in me, touches God.
In the New Year,
may your right hand always be stretched out
in friendship,
never in want.
-Irish toast
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Draining World
All these days I’ve been completely drained. I get out of work and go home and I doesn’t even have the chance to take off my clothing, I just fall in the bed and enter Lord Morpheus realms… I wake up because of the occasional mandatory jump that two or three cats perform over my head… around 9:00pm… and they do that because they grow anxious and want attention… I’m not even checking my mail at home, I am beyond tired for such an endevour… Groundel plays on the PS, the cats run over the Xmas tree, and nobody calls while there is someone in the house. Trilogy has called everyday this week, but I just did not have the energy to get up from my bed and visit him. I don’t get it… I take a bath by 9pm, and by 10pm I’m back to bed, sound asleep. And it is so difficult to wake up in the morning because I just wanna keep on sleeping… So tired…
At work, Candi is leaving us after 30 years of service. Well, she’s doing a-lot on her own, and the agency in reality is a big pain in the whoohoo. May pass by today to Aguadilla’s site so I can give my farewells… She’s going with Año Viejo jijiji.
Everything else very still. Had a bump with LadyMex and she wants to go to the movies tonight, with her kids… I don’t know if I will be enough alive to do so… I guess I’ll leave Gruendel washing clothing and then go make her happy for 2 hours… I know neither Trilogy nor Groundel will want to accompany me. Cannot blame them. She thinks so little of them that it is plain disgusting. That’s basically one of the reasons I am getting anoyed by her. The other is her ability to complain a lot but not to listen to advises because I am not a mother and I do not know how it’s like… Whatever… It’s too early in the morning to have such a headache…
Coriolis has not visited this side of the Land, and every time he calls he has to go and says he’ll call back and he doesn’t. Hmm… Ok… Whatever…
Got the Xmas gift for kitties, a nice 7 feet tall condo. Should arrive next week. :) That's their 3Kings Day gift...
That’s all folks… for now…
10-4
At work, Candi is leaving us after 30 years of service. Well, she’s doing a-lot on her own, and the agency in reality is a big pain in the whoohoo. May pass by today to Aguadilla’s site so I can give my farewells… She’s going with Año Viejo jijiji.
Everything else very still. Had a bump with LadyMex and she wants to go to the movies tonight, with her kids… I don’t know if I will be enough alive to do so… I guess I’ll leave Gruendel washing clothing and then go make her happy for 2 hours… I know neither Trilogy nor Groundel will want to accompany me. Cannot blame them. She thinks so little of them that it is plain disgusting. That’s basically one of the reasons I am getting anoyed by her. The other is her ability to complain a lot but not to listen to advises because I am not a mother and I do not know how it’s like… Whatever… It’s too early in the morning to have such a headache…
Coriolis has not visited this side of the Land, and every time he calls he has to go and says he’ll call back and he doesn’t. Hmm… Ok… Whatever…
Got the Xmas gift for kitties, a nice 7 feet tall condo. Should arrive next week. :) That's their 3Kings Day gift...
That’s all folks… for now…
10-4
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Tsunami
Tsunami death toll over 40,000 in Asia... Just the most awful way to say goodbye to this screwy year. Mother Nature is pretty mad at us, and still she goes on ignored... Here in this tiny weeeny island we should think about it, because the bells are tolling and sooner than we expect something like that will come our way. No, it's not being in catastrophic mode, but it is called being realistic. Our island no longer has the mountains around the chores to protect it. Civilization has left the beaches bare and naked. Once a tidal wave of more than 20 feet comes in, it won't be stopped unless it reaches the Cordillera Central, if it is that small... Every town that keeps beaches will be drowned, yes... we shall all perish that way. I've always had this love affair with El Faro in Combate, and I always dream there is this wave that comes in and while everyone runs away I run towards the lighthouse... Not a dumb thing because although it may be desperation and desire for shelter, the lighthouse is one big peak in miles across Combate and the surrounding areas... It would be the only actual chance to survive... If the Alien mother ship doesn't beam us up before the tide crashes and kills us. LOL Yup, they won't let their specimens vanish without trace, after all, puertorricans are such a special breed...
I arrived beyond tired to my lovely home and sunk in deep sleep. Kitties woke me up at 8 pm because... er... they had no food... So had to go fetch some at Wal's place and came back before they ripped everything out of rage... Then to bed until today. Don't know why I was so beat. Well... Maybe it was Sara's fault, her flan was delicious but I supposse it skyrocketed my sugar... Whatever. That's a once in 2 years episode.
Today, at my office, may or may not go to Yauco... Depends if someone is going. Yesterday went to Sgerman and fixed things there and made people happy. LOL
Another day, another death, another hope...
10-4
I arrived beyond tired to my lovely home and sunk in deep sleep. Kitties woke me up at 8 pm because... er... they had no food... So had to go fetch some at Wal's place and came back before they ripped everything out of rage... Then to bed until today. Don't know why I was so beat. Well... Maybe it was Sara's fault, her flan was delicious but I supposse it skyrocketed my sugar... Whatever. That's a once in 2 years episode.
Today, at my office, may or may not go to Yauco... Depends if someone is going. Yesterday went to Sgerman and fixed things there and made people happy. LOL
Another day, another death, another hope...
10-4
Monday, December 27, 2004
More Pepto, More Pepto!!!!
Pass the Pepto!!! Hurryyyyy!!! More Pepto!!! Argh!!!! Shrine to the Pepto!!! LOL Yup, that's how my Xmas was... 24th and 25th begging for Pepto. That plus in bed with overall body pain due to the Pepto causes, which makes the sugar skyrocket, which didn't help my case... Arrrgh!!! So, a very merry xmas indeed...
On the lighter side, Groundel gave me an undead doll, Captain Bonnie, which looks like an undead Blaze... Loved her. Pewty, pwety, pewty... And a gothic calendar that has all the dates of death of gothic-related people. Trilogy gave me a small framed kitty with the purr's written all over it. And between my aunt and me we bought the Xmas dinner (although I couln't REALLY enjoy it...) Yesterday managed to visit Lucinda, who prepared a cheesecake-sort-of... Yummy! Although cannot eat it on big pieces because it is pure sugar... :( Tried calling my sister but she was not home. And when I finally got home, to bed... I've been too drained to do much these days... My bipolar entities and tummy trouble didn't make things easier... I'm lucky to have people around me to make it all go smoother even if it doesn't seem like it at first sight...
Anyways... Watching a bid for a kitty condo, to see if I get it as 3kings day gift for the kitties. It looks awesome and is 6 feet high. Will put it where the tree is. :)
Gotta run now. Must visit San German and assemble 2 PC's. I'll also see if they have some helechos for sale, so I can put them beneath my little palms, to see if they improve with l;ess direct sunlight... Let's see how the day unwraps...
10-4
On the lighter side, Groundel gave me an undead doll, Captain Bonnie, which looks like an undead Blaze... Loved her. Pewty, pwety, pewty... And a gothic calendar that has all the dates of death of gothic-related people. Trilogy gave me a small framed kitty with the purr's written all over it. And between my aunt and me we bought the Xmas dinner (although I couln't REALLY enjoy it...) Yesterday managed to visit Lucinda, who prepared a cheesecake-sort-of... Yummy! Although cannot eat it on big pieces because it is pure sugar... :( Tried calling my sister but she was not home. And when I finally got home, to bed... I've been too drained to do much these days... My bipolar entities and tummy trouble didn't make things easier... I'm lucky to have people around me to make it all go smoother even if it doesn't seem like it at first sight...
Anyways... Watching a bid for a kitty condo, to see if I get it as 3kings day gift for the kitties. It looks awesome and is 6 feet high. Will put it where the tree is. :)
Gotta run now. Must visit San German and assemble 2 PC's. I'll also see if they have some helechos for sale, so I can put them beneath my little palms, to see if they improve with l;ess direct sunlight... Let's see how the day unwraps...
10-4
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Me: Tired, sad, helpless, dead, undead, unliving shall scorn, the mists of Ravenloft have called to me, and I have obeyed. Always the lonesome wanderer, always a slave of sorrow and pain... Betrayed once more... this time by myself.
Everything and everyone: Merry, jolly, going on, celebrating... whatever... let them eat their Holidays up...
I wish to stop feeling... to be the Ice Queen and vanish into the storm... no trace... no memory... just gone...
This is by far the worst Xmas gift I have received in my whole life. But I accept it, I shall smile politely and accept it. I am to fulfill Coriolis prediction after all...
Everything and everyone: Merry, jolly, going on, celebrating... whatever... let them eat their Holidays up...
I wish to stop feeling... to be the Ice Queen and vanish into the storm... no trace... no memory... just gone...
This is by far the worst Xmas gift I have received in my whole life. But I accept it, I shall smile politely and accept it. I am to fulfill Coriolis prediction after all...
Monday, December 20, 2004
It’s the season to be jolly, sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la… In Perfect… Everyone remembers Everyone, people are kind and thoughtful even with fishes, and there is diabetic angel cake in every corner… But, since there is no Perfect, here we are in the Land of the Lost trying to survive using any or every means possible…
How is this Xmas? Awful. No spirit whatsoever since politics fills the streets and people’s conversations. The idea of peace and love gets buried underneath senseless expenses, as people now translate Merry Xmas into Buy Mindlessly. It’s incredible… It is appalling that a 3-4 yr old kid will end up with a remote controlled car of $120… or clothing from GAP or JC PENNEY… It is plain wrong when you think about it, children destroy the toys they get, o forget about them after 2 days… and their clothing wont fit in 4 months. I don’t get it… People fuss over the wrong things, yet the TRUE meaning of Xmas has died… it was agonizing last year, but somehow managed to survive… This year, WHAM! DEAD! CAPUT! What a shame… Me, I am not a gift fan. I only give a few, and only to the people who are closest to me. And I don’t fall for the expensive train. I give something needed, or practical, or thoughtful. People need to learn the difference between something for show and something that says “You REALLY thought of me!”. I used to make small paintings, but I have no time or patience for that right now… Having 8 cats doesn’t help that case either… LOL Big deal… At least I know that next year things will straighten up in my financial life and I’ll be able to indulge myself and those I love once in a while. For that I am happy.
What else makes me happy? My cats make me very happy. Humans can learn much from them. Also, being able to talk and see and walk makes me quite happy… I have seen so many that lack these blessings… Being alive, able to make decisions, able to do the things that matter to me makes me VERY happy… I have much to do, I have not lived life to the fullest, and that has been the lesson Betsy has taught me with her death: She TRULY lived, and so her death was sad but she did everything she dreamt of… although she had more plans… I have plans, many… And I have postponed TRULY living for so long thanks to the things that one must do… I believe in giving, in helping, in putting others before me… I believe in causes that are almost extinct… I have done my part to keep that flame alive, but I also need to achieve my plans, as soon as possible… If I am to die, I want to die after doing what I was MEANT to do… And I hope it happens that way… So… I am happy I am still alive, so I can do something to make my dreams come true. I am happy I have the few friends I have: Lucinda, Coriolis, Zordak, Groundel… They have been there for me through the good the bad and the Ugly… for more than 10 years. I am very proud of calling them MY FRIENDS… Especially Groundel. He has been more than a friend, always, yet he has been able to put aside feelings for my own happiness. He cares for me in health and sickness, and he is always there to wipe my tears and tell me things will be all right. He has been there with me, making sacrifices, and thrilling on the good times. No one has been there for me as he has, and that weights a-lot in my heart.
It makes me happy going to my auntie’s house and even arguing with her. And it also makes me happy thinking about the family I have in Texas. Working makes me happy, and being able to solve problems and make creative thinguies… Watching the sky meeting the sea at my dear lighthouse makes me happy, as it makes me feel God’s presence all around me… Meeting Coriolis and Joe whenever I go to the Area Metro makes me happy as they fill my life with laughter. Writing, drawing… transmitting my feelings… making those around me happy, sharing all I have with those I love… Dreaming, believing… It all makes me happy. And all of that is without having my happy pill! :)
So… Maybe this Xmas sucks, maybe the environment is not the best, but there are many things that makes me smile and keep hope for a better tomorrow. Thanks to my supporting cast, MERRY XMAS to all, and to all a GOOD life!
10-4
How is this Xmas? Awful. No spirit whatsoever since politics fills the streets and people’s conversations. The idea of peace and love gets buried underneath senseless expenses, as people now translate Merry Xmas into Buy Mindlessly. It’s incredible… It is appalling that a 3-4 yr old kid will end up with a remote controlled car of $120… or clothing from GAP or JC PENNEY… It is plain wrong when you think about it, children destroy the toys they get, o forget about them after 2 days… and their clothing wont fit in 4 months. I don’t get it… People fuss over the wrong things, yet the TRUE meaning of Xmas has died… it was agonizing last year, but somehow managed to survive… This year, WHAM! DEAD! CAPUT! What a shame… Me, I am not a gift fan. I only give a few, and only to the people who are closest to me. And I don’t fall for the expensive train. I give something needed, or practical, or thoughtful. People need to learn the difference between something for show and something that says “You REALLY thought of me!”. I used to make small paintings, but I have no time or patience for that right now… Having 8 cats doesn’t help that case either… LOL Big deal… At least I know that next year things will straighten up in my financial life and I’ll be able to indulge myself and those I love once in a while. For that I am happy.
What else makes me happy? My cats make me very happy. Humans can learn much from them. Also, being able to talk and see and walk makes me quite happy… I have seen so many that lack these blessings… Being alive, able to make decisions, able to do the things that matter to me makes me VERY happy… I have much to do, I have not lived life to the fullest, and that has been the lesson Betsy has taught me with her death: She TRULY lived, and so her death was sad but she did everything she dreamt of… although she had more plans… I have plans, many… And I have postponed TRULY living for so long thanks to the things that one must do… I believe in giving, in helping, in putting others before me… I believe in causes that are almost extinct… I have done my part to keep that flame alive, but I also need to achieve my plans, as soon as possible… If I am to die, I want to die after doing what I was MEANT to do… And I hope it happens that way… So… I am happy I am still alive, so I can do something to make my dreams come true. I am happy I have the few friends I have: Lucinda, Coriolis, Zordak, Groundel… They have been there for me through the good the bad and the Ugly… for more than 10 years. I am very proud of calling them MY FRIENDS… Especially Groundel. He has been more than a friend, always, yet he has been able to put aside feelings for my own happiness. He cares for me in health and sickness, and he is always there to wipe my tears and tell me things will be all right. He has been there with me, making sacrifices, and thrilling on the good times. No one has been there for me as he has, and that weights a-lot in my heart.
It makes me happy going to my auntie’s house and even arguing with her. And it also makes me happy thinking about the family I have in Texas. Working makes me happy, and being able to solve problems and make creative thinguies… Watching the sky meeting the sea at my dear lighthouse makes me happy, as it makes me feel God’s presence all around me… Meeting Coriolis and Joe whenever I go to the Area Metro makes me happy as they fill my life with laughter. Writing, drawing… transmitting my feelings… making those around me happy, sharing all I have with those I love… Dreaming, believing… It all makes me happy. And all of that is without having my happy pill! :)
So… Maybe this Xmas sucks, maybe the environment is not the best, but there are many things that makes me smile and keep hope for a better tomorrow. Thanks to my supporting cast, MERRY XMAS to all, and to all a GOOD life!
10-4
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Packed stores equals stay at home cinema session. So, this week’s reviews:
The Princess Diaries 2: Loved it. Julie Andrews rules!!!
Dracula 3000: Finally, something WORST than Queen of the Damned… Do not even pick it up, PLEASE!
Kaena, the Prophecy: Outstanding music, outstanding animation… lame writing… Ok movie to pass the night…
Hero: I liked it, although the storytelling is slow and the movie is predictable… Loved the play on colors.
Blessed: Another movie about a pregnant woman delivering evil…
The Stepford Wives: Nicole Kidman, would you marry me? LOL I just WORSHIP this woman’s ability to be such a chameleon… She looks different in every movie, and every movie she appears on lately is a very well written one… Loved this re-make not-so-re-make…
Aliens, special edition: Revisited Aliens2 for the 2nd time this month, watched most of the 2 hour special ed documentary of the making of… Damn, it was really HELL for those people making this movie… Knowing that special effects were in the face with no digital touch ups (as the technology was not available by then) gives the viewing experience a whole new dimension… I always thought the alien queen was computer-made… WoW!
Well, I could actually go in the mall and found nothing in any clothing section. At least I got something cute: 2 pairs of socks depicting the evil queens from Sleeping Beauty and Snow White… Yay! And it was simply hilarious watching the Best of What Not To Wear last night… Missed the best of Trading Spaces, I forgot they were gonna show it… Oh, well…
Coriolis and Joe met for a techno dance session... PVC hot pants versus pink tutu... Who shall be the champion? Heeeehaaaa LOL Actually, it was business matters but still I couldn't resist making fun of them. It is my duty. :D (Luv ya guys!)
It is Sunday afternoon, the heat is on and I am hungry… gotta visit Auntie Mae for some supper… Jehjehjeh…
10-4
The Princess Diaries 2: Loved it. Julie Andrews rules!!!
Dracula 3000: Finally, something WORST than Queen of the Damned… Do not even pick it up, PLEASE!
Kaena, the Prophecy: Outstanding music, outstanding animation… lame writing… Ok movie to pass the night…
Hero: I liked it, although the storytelling is slow and the movie is predictable… Loved the play on colors.
Blessed: Another movie about a pregnant woman delivering evil…
The Stepford Wives: Nicole Kidman, would you marry me? LOL I just WORSHIP this woman’s ability to be such a chameleon… She looks different in every movie, and every movie she appears on lately is a very well written one… Loved this re-make not-so-re-make…
Aliens, special edition: Revisited Aliens2 for the 2nd time this month, watched most of the 2 hour special ed documentary of the making of… Damn, it was really HELL for those people making this movie… Knowing that special effects were in the face with no digital touch ups (as the technology was not available by then) gives the viewing experience a whole new dimension… I always thought the alien queen was computer-made… WoW!
Well, I could actually go in the mall and found nothing in any clothing section. At least I got something cute: 2 pairs of socks depicting the evil queens from Sleeping Beauty and Snow White… Yay! And it was simply hilarious watching the Best of What Not To Wear last night… Missed the best of Trading Spaces, I forgot they were gonna show it… Oh, well…
Coriolis and Joe met for a techno dance session... PVC hot pants versus pink tutu... Who shall be the champion? Heeeehaaaa LOL Actually, it was business matters but still I couldn't resist making fun of them. It is my duty. :D (Luv ya guys!)
It is Sunday afternoon, the heat is on and I am hungry… gotta visit Auntie Mae for some supper… Jehjehjeh…
10-4
Friday, December 17, 2004
Yesterday was a baby shower for one of my co-workers… Everyone was surprised I knew how to sing "Arroz con leche", the extended edition… LOL Actually I was the only one who knew all songs… I guess they all thought I had no childhood… :P I thought of Betsy a-lot... :(
And I wished...
I wish things were easy for a change, one gets tired of swimming against the current and fighting alone for the causes that matter…
I wish everyone would make things less complicated, everyone should share love and embrace in brotherhood, and sing along "Cumbaya…"
I wish that people would acknowledge love at all stages and let themselves go of hate… Hate is not worth it… Hate destroys every oportunity of letting your soul smile…
I wish that the people I love most would not disappoint me so often… Just the right amount…
I wish that those I love most had all the time in the world for me… As I have all the time in the world for them…
I wish that fights would stop, and something nice would come to me every day… That would be a grrrrreat change…
I wish I were not taken for granted all the time, just because I am "tough" doesn't mean I have no feelings…
I wish people were not two-face, but genuine and free… and tolerance were the news of the day…
I wish someday I can have a nice, loving family… So I can start traditions, and show my so called wisdom…
So… those are my Xmas wishes… May them come true…
10-4
And I wished...
I wish things were easy for a change, one gets tired of swimming against the current and fighting alone for the causes that matter…
I wish everyone would make things less complicated, everyone should share love and embrace in brotherhood, and sing along "Cumbaya…"
I wish that people would acknowledge love at all stages and let themselves go of hate… Hate is not worth it… Hate destroys every oportunity of letting your soul smile…
I wish that the people I love most would not disappoint me so often… Just the right amount…
I wish that those I love most had all the time in the world for me… As I have all the time in the world for them…
I wish that fights would stop, and something nice would come to me every day… That would be a grrrrreat change…
I wish I were not taken for granted all the time, just because I am "tough" doesn't mean I have no feelings…
I wish people were not two-face, but genuine and free… and tolerance were the news of the day…
I wish someday I can have a nice, loving family… So I can start traditions, and show my so called wisdom…
So… those are my Xmas wishes… May them come true…
10-4
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Well, so much for partying… Yesterday was a conference day at San Germán, and I couldn't go because… Guess what? I was SICK. Damnit! It's all a conspiracy against me having fun or dressing up and going out… I was so pissed about it! Not that I could actually THINK about it until late afternoon… And why I got sick? It's the most stupid thing in the whole world: I was drugged.
Ok, don't think badly about it. It all started on Tuesday night, when Trilogy asked me to pick him up and go eat. So I did. We went to get some pizza, and after a great dinner he went to the powder room and I opened up my purse and my blue pill case to take my diabetes pills. I usually carry my pills and Groundel's pills, plus my depression pills. Well, seems I took one that wasn't mine and one depression pill (which I am supposed to take only once a day and I already took in the morning). Soooo... By the time I left Trilogy in his house I had a headache and extreme sleepiness. I went in, and while he went to get some water I fall completely asleep. An hour and a half later I woke up dazed and confused, my eyes completely sunken. I knew I had to get home or I just would not move for hours. So, I left, driving in what it seems a hazed eternity, went home and fall in my bed without even changing. I woke up at 10 am, when I had the instant urge to throw up. My head was spinning, I was too uncoordinated to move more than 3 feet… Extreme headache/migraine… So basically, got tired of seeing everything spinning and fall asleep again. By 4pm I woke up with headache but at least feeling a bit better… still sleepy but no more dizziness… So, yes… I guess that qualifies as drugged, confused and sick… But not on purpose, and damnit… it was AWFUL!
Trilogy visited for a brief time, late at night. Played with Isis for a bit, stared at the Xmas tree for a bit and then went home… he said he was not going to play at night… he needed to do laundry so he had something to wear to school for today. Whatever. :)
After he went away I logged in to do some Xmas shopping, as it seems that stores around here are just impossible. I rather shop in the net than get pushed and screamed at…
Groundel arrived with a special treat: Hershey's chocolate fudge ice cream and cake… Yummy! That was nice of him. He always tries to cheer me up with food… And it works. :P
Right now at work... I realized I left my office's keys so I had to get the spares at the director's office. Not much to do today… And still feeling sleepy… but at least I am not stepping on clouds or falling over my kitties…
Let's see what else happens…
10-4
Ok, don't think badly about it. It all started on Tuesday night, when Trilogy asked me to pick him up and go eat. So I did. We went to get some pizza, and after a great dinner he went to the powder room and I opened up my purse and my blue pill case to take my diabetes pills. I usually carry my pills and Groundel's pills, plus my depression pills. Well, seems I took one that wasn't mine and one depression pill (which I am supposed to take only once a day and I already took in the morning). Soooo... By the time I left Trilogy in his house I had a headache and extreme sleepiness. I went in, and while he went to get some water I fall completely asleep. An hour and a half later I woke up dazed and confused, my eyes completely sunken. I knew I had to get home or I just would not move for hours. So, I left, driving in what it seems a hazed eternity, went home and fall in my bed without even changing. I woke up at 10 am, when I had the instant urge to throw up. My head was spinning, I was too uncoordinated to move more than 3 feet… Extreme headache/migraine… So basically, got tired of seeing everything spinning and fall asleep again. By 4pm I woke up with headache but at least feeling a bit better… still sleepy but no more dizziness… So, yes… I guess that qualifies as drugged, confused and sick… But not on purpose, and damnit… it was AWFUL!
Trilogy visited for a brief time, late at night. Played with Isis for a bit, stared at the Xmas tree for a bit and then went home… he said he was not going to play at night… he needed to do laundry so he had something to wear to school for today. Whatever. :)
After he went away I logged in to do some Xmas shopping, as it seems that stores around here are just impossible. I rather shop in the net than get pushed and screamed at…
Groundel arrived with a special treat: Hershey's chocolate fudge ice cream and cake… Yummy! That was nice of him. He always tries to cheer me up with food… And it works. :P
Right now at work... I realized I left my office's keys so I had to get the spares at the director's office. Not much to do today… And still feeling sleepy… but at least I am not stepping on clouds or falling over my kitties…
Let's see what else happens…
10-4
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
The past days have been frugal and ecclectic... Enjoying my lovely kitties, appreciating Roxy and Isis and Set and Crow and Kali...and Michita and Cyric and Kyo... for they give love and innocence and expect nothing but food and water and a clean litter in return... Awwwwwww...
FRIDAY: Long day, very very sad... Found out had a reunion in SJ at 8am... Obviously missed it... I got the message at 8:30 am. No comments... Ahhhhhhh!!! Still dazed and confused because of Betsy's thinguie... Miss her a-lot. No one calls me up at work now... she was the only one that did... Long, long day...
SATURDAY: Made a lame attempt to go to the Mall. Argh! Seems that people turned into lepreachuns or something... I tried to get a parking spot for an hour, and gave up. People were unpolite, with seedy eyes and very angry... I don't get it... It looked like 24th of December at 8pm... Geesh! Get a life, people!!! Sooo, rented 4 movies and hibernated. It was the best bet to keep sanity at bay.
The Kingdom: Ok... Not what I expected, it was a haunted hospital flick that lasts for almost 4 hours... Old movie, set in Dannish land... I liked it. It was well written. The outcome of where the ghost girl was surprised me. Cool crazy foreign movie.
Divine secrets of the Ya-Ya sisterhood: Why is it that... whenever there is a nut-brain almost psycho person who is hated by 90% of the people around her in the movie... her name is Viv? Cualquier semejanza es pura coincidencia. :D Ok... liked the movie, predictable... dramatic... was not enough to make me cry so it was just ok. Another Beaches-like friendship, mother-daughter, problems-good times chick flick...
Asylum of Darkness: I won't even bother... Enough to say that they show the demon just before the movie really starts... Crappy... Stupid... Waste of money... Doggies poo.
Aliens:Resurrection: Another take on all-time scary Sigourney Weaver. LOL Stupid crappy movie, only thing that saves it is the nice Aliens collaboration as they act flawlessly. :D
SUNDAY: Woke up early to get to the mall to get the kitty litter so my apartment doesn't smell bad in Xmas... Buahahahaha... Got it, ran away from the mall as fast as I could... It was packed, again... and it was only 11 am... GET A LIFE PEOPLEEEEE!!!! So... afternoon watching the last of Aliens and then to my aunt's house to snatch food. Then home to sleep... 3 days without login into the Net... Wow!
MONDAY: Overall blue but happy. Mixed fruit in my brain... LOL Whatever... Got home and was completely drained so slept from 5 to 10. Small interruption at 7 when Trilogy called... His grandma on the father's side was buried at 2pm. RIP. He seemed to miss me... Whatever... Back to sleep... Then logged to check my mail, and then off to bed by 11...
TUESDAY: And still, I feel sleepy... Here I am, at work... Frustrated with some tools that look like hell... Waiting for a friggin ladder to throw a friggin cable... And feeling a bit blue but trying to kick it off.
So this is what I have been up to, and now, I must tune off...
10-4
FRIDAY: Long day, very very sad... Found out had a reunion in SJ at 8am... Obviously missed it... I got the message at 8:30 am. No comments... Ahhhhhhh!!! Still dazed and confused because of Betsy's thinguie... Miss her a-lot. No one calls me up at work now... she was the only one that did...
SATURDAY: Made a lame attempt to go to the Mall. Argh! Seems that people turned into lepreachuns or something... I tried to get a parking spot for an hour, and gave up. People were unpolite, with seedy eyes and very angry... I don't get it... It looked like 24th of December at 8pm... Geesh! Get a life, people!!! Sooo, rented 4 movies and hibernated. It was the best bet to keep sanity at bay.
The Kingdom: Ok... Not what I expected, it was a haunted hospital flick that lasts for almost 4 hours... Old movie, set in Dannish land... I liked it. It was well written. The outcome of where the ghost girl was surprised me. Cool crazy foreign movie.
Divine secrets of the Ya-Ya sisterhood: Why is it that... whenever there is a nut-brain almost psycho person who is hated by 90% of the people around her in the movie... her name is Viv? Cualquier semejanza es pura coincidencia. :D Ok... liked the movie, predictable... dramatic... was not enough to make me cry so it was just ok. Another Beaches-like friendship, mother-daughter, problems-good times chick flick...
Asylum of Darkness: I won't even bother... Enough to say that they show the demon just before the movie really starts... Crappy... Stupid... Waste of money... Doggies poo.
Aliens:Resurrection: Another take on all-time scary Sigourney Weaver. LOL Stupid crappy movie, only thing that saves it is the nice Aliens collaboration as they act flawlessly. :D
SUNDAY: Woke up early to get to the mall to get the kitty litter so my apartment doesn't smell bad in Xmas... Buahahahaha... Got it, ran away from the mall as fast as I could... It was packed, again... and it was only 11 am... GET A LIFE PEOPLEEEEE!!!! So... afternoon watching the last of Aliens and then to my aunt's house to snatch food. Then home to sleep... 3 days without login into the Net... Wow!
MONDAY: Overall blue but happy. Mixed fruit in my brain... LOL Whatever... Got home and was completely drained so slept from 5 to 10. Small interruption at 7 when Trilogy called... His grandma on the father's side was buried at 2pm. RIP. He seemed to miss me... Whatever... Back to sleep... Then logged to check my mail, and then off to bed by 11...
TUESDAY: And still, I feel sleepy... Here I am, at work... Frustrated with some tools that look like hell... Waiting for a friggin ladder to throw a friggin cable... And feeling a bit blue but trying to kick it off.
So this is what I have been up to, and now, I must tune off...
10-4
Friday, December 10, 2004
I was not going to travel to San Juan, so on Wednesday I went to work and so the day passed... But I was feeling bad about not seeing Betsy. I mean, I know that the long travel makes me almost catatonic when I arrive home... but this would be my last chance to see her. Since I was hesitant, I asked Alex to go send a floral arrangement for her... He made the arrangements during the day. Thank you, Alex! :)
During the afternoon, there was the bad news that one of the supervisor's mother died, and they were preparing the buses to take the people to the funeral and to the cementery. It made me think, hey, all these people are going to see the co-worker's mom... And I am not going to see my friend? I got home and got a call from Alex saying he took care of everything. Then he described the floral thinguie and I couldn't help but burst in tears. He got exactly what I had in mind but didn't mention to him... When I hanged up I guess I had my mind made up... Guess that was the boost I needed to go say my farewells to my dear friend...
I was lucky. I didn't want to go alone, and I asked Joe to go with me. He didn't even thought about it, saying yes right away. So, in the morning, instead of driving to work I drove to Carolina to go pick up Joe. He was still sleeping but got ready in a flash and off we went to find the place... I was told my friend was in one place and turned out she was in another... We almost got lost, sort of... I had no idea where we were all the time, I had too many thoughts crowded in my mind. I was just thinking that I would not make it in time, that I would not see her, and that thought was drilling into my mind... We finally made it. I rushed up the stairs and rushed to the funeral chapel. I hear someone say my name but it was so far that I ignored the voice. I even forgot about Joe following me. I just had to see her, and I thought I was too late. But I wasn't. She was still exposed, charmingly surrounded by flowers.
The coffin was pure white, as the satin interior and her clothing. A veil was covering her exposed face, and it gave her an eerie feel... Over the coffin, a huge floral arrangement made of small red rosebuds embraced her. It look beautiful. The lights on the sides, and the overall placement of all caskets was beautiful. Her mother was there, lost in her sorrow... asking her daughter to take her along, asking why her daughter could not even live long enough to at least see her son. It made my heart feel oppressed. I know the history behind Betsy's mom... She's an old lady, frail, constantly sick... and Betsy was her life... I fear this pain may be too much for her... I looked around looking for Tony, but he was not inside the chapel. So I sat for a while, observing... The whole scene was surreal. Yes, I had to go and see for myself because somehow until that moment I didn't really believe it... I hoped that it was a prank, a jest... But no, it wasn't. I did well on travelling from Mayaguez if only to be there for half an hour. Although I was deeply troubled, my mind went blank and a huge sense of relief came over me. They made the call for the mass, and I went out because I did not intend to stay for that. I knew people would get emotional, and I cannot be around that at least not for too long... I am a sponge for vibes and I know when I am getting overflooded. But I wanted to at least see Tony. As I went back into the chapel to ask for him, I felt a hand in my shoulder. At first I did not recognize him, but there he was... Funny, he found me. He smiled as we hugged. I only got to say "I almost didn't make it". And he answered "But you did". And with that I went to Joe and told him I was done, that we could go.
So... Joe spoke of food and we went to get food. He did his job well, as he made me laugh. Although I was not really thinking... But I guess that comes with the events... I don't know if I would have been able to be calm and serene if he had not been there. I arrived hyper and cranky and anxious, and he worked his magic flawlessly. Thank you, Joe. :) Then I left him at his second home.
Driving back home was like an elven reverie... Images of all that happenned in this almost 5 years that I have known Betsy... when I arrived in MIS, her sweet bitchyness with the guys, her giant attitude for a small body frame, her efficiency at work and her efficiency as a mom... Whenever I needed to stay in San Juan for a reunion or conference or whatever, she always offered her house no matter if it was the small apartment at Carolina or the crowded house in Rip Piedras... I was there at her wedding with Tony... Whenever she travelled she gave me pictures of weird places that reminded her of me (like the Salem witches museum)... Jejeje... And she was going to stay at a Cabo Rojo resort to attend my wedding with all her family. She was there to give me advise, to laugh at my jokes, to get upset at me for not being on time, to preach me, to give me the "Evil Eye", to share her food... good times and bad times, she was ALWAYS there. I guess she must be laughing, she finally made me get the toll tickets that I owed her...
A day after, and the change is visible. At least she got the best end of the bargain, she is now in a better place than we are. And it is not a goodbye, but a see you around... In the end, we will all meet again. A hug, a kiss and a smile. Thanks for everything, Betsy. :)
10-4
During the afternoon, there was the bad news that one of the supervisor's mother died, and they were preparing the buses to take the people to the funeral and to the cementery. It made me think, hey, all these people are going to see the co-worker's mom... And I am not going to see my friend? I got home and got a call from Alex saying he took care of everything. Then he described the floral thinguie and I couldn't help but burst in tears. He got exactly what I had in mind but didn't mention to him... When I hanged up I guess I had my mind made up... Guess that was the boost I needed to go say my farewells to my dear friend...
I was lucky. I didn't want to go alone, and I asked Joe to go with me. He didn't even thought about it, saying yes right away. So, in the morning, instead of driving to work I drove to Carolina to go pick up Joe. He was still sleeping but got ready in a flash and off we went to find the place... I was told my friend was in one place and turned out she was in another... We almost got lost, sort of... I had no idea where we were all the time, I had too many thoughts crowded in my mind. I was just thinking that I would not make it in time, that I would not see her, and that thought was drilling into my mind... We finally made it. I rushed up the stairs and rushed to the funeral chapel. I hear someone say my name but it was so far that I ignored the voice. I even forgot about Joe following me. I just had to see her, and I thought I was too late. But I wasn't. She was still exposed, charmingly surrounded by flowers.
The coffin was pure white, as the satin interior and her clothing. A veil was covering her exposed face, and it gave her an eerie feel... Over the coffin, a huge floral arrangement made of small red rosebuds embraced her. It look beautiful. The lights on the sides, and the overall placement of all caskets was beautiful. Her mother was there, lost in her sorrow... asking her daughter to take her along, asking why her daughter could not even live long enough to at least see her son. It made my heart feel oppressed. I know the history behind Betsy's mom... She's an old lady, frail, constantly sick... and Betsy was her life... I fear this pain may be too much for her... I looked around looking for Tony, but he was not inside the chapel. So I sat for a while, observing... The whole scene was surreal. Yes, I had to go and see for myself because somehow until that moment I didn't really believe it... I hoped that it was a prank, a jest... But no, it wasn't. I did well on travelling from Mayaguez if only to be there for half an hour. Although I was deeply troubled, my mind went blank and a huge sense of relief came over me. They made the call for the mass, and I went out because I did not intend to stay for that. I knew people would get emotional, and I cannot be around that at least not for too long... I am a sponge for vibes and I know when I am getting overflooded. But I wanted to at least see Tony. As I went back into the chapel to ask for him, I felt a hand in my shoulder. At first I did not recognize him, but there he was... Funny, he found me. He smiled as we hugged. I only got to say "I almost didn't make it". And he answered "But you did". And with that I went to Joe and told him I was done, that we could go.
So... Joe spoke of food and we went to get food. He did his job well, as he made me laugh. Although I was not really thinking... But I guess that comes with the events... I don't know if I would have been able to be calm and serene if he had not been there. I arrived hyper and cranky and anxious, and he worked his magic flawlessly. Thank you, Joe. :) Then I left him at his second home.
Driving back home was like an elven reverie... Images of all that happenned in this almost 5 years that I have known Betsy... when I arrived in MIS, her sweet bitchyness with the guys, her giant attitude for a small body frame, her efficiency at work and her efficiency as a mom... Whenever I needed to stay in San Juan for a reunion or conference or whatever, she always offered her house no matter if it was the small apartment at Carolina or the crowded house in Rip Piedras... I was there at her wedding with Tony... Whenever she travelled she gave me pictures of weird places that reminded her of me (like the Salem witches museum)... Jejeje... And she was going to stay at a Cabo Rojo resort to attend my wedding with all her family. She was there to give me advise, to laugh at my jokes, to get upset at me for not being on time, to preach me, to give me the "Evil Eye", to share her food... good times and bad times, she was ALWAYS there. I guess she must be laughing, she finally made me get the toll tickets that I owed her...
A day after, and the change is visible. At least she got the best end of the bargain, she is now in a better place than we are. And it is not a goodbye, but a see you around... In the end, we will all meet again. A hug, a kiss and a smile. Thanks for everything, Betsy. :)
10-4
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
En Memoria de Besynet Maldonado
"Your brother shall rise again."
(John 11:23)
When I was told Betsy passed away, I didn't know what to say... More than a co-worker, she was my dearest friend...
Then I remembered what Jesus said, when He saw Mary and Martha crying
after the death of their brother, Lazarus:
"Your brother shall rise again."
Know that Betsy is in a place of true peace now,
where there is no more pain, neither sorrow, nor crying.
And, as Jesus told Mary and Martha, you shall see her again.
Paul told the Thessalonians they should not grieve
as those who do not have the hope of eternal life,
that those who "fall asleep" in Jesus shall rise again.
We have this hope.
God is supreme and fully in charge of all things.
Nothing takes Him by surprise.
Our job is to trust the Father's wisdom (Father Knows Best).
He really does have the eternal perspective and oversight on such things
and truly does have our best interests in mind.
"All things work together for good ..." (Romans 8:28)
Take care, little lamb.
Many things about tomorrow we don't understand,
but we know Who holds tomorrow ... and I know He holds your hand.
Your Shepherd dearly loves you, Betsy.
Rest in His arms. Tell him how you feel.
He will comfort you and give you peace.
In His never-ending love...
Recordaré siempre con mucho cariño a esta querida compañera y amiga, que siempre dio más del 100% en todo lo que hacía, que siempre pensaba en los demás primero antes que ella misma. Una excelente profesional, una excelente madre y esposa, una excelente amiga.
Betsy: Nos haces falta... Jamás te olvidaremos. Descansa en paz.
"Your brother shall rise again."
(John 11:23)
When I was told Betsy passed away, I didn't know what to say... More than a co-worker, she was my dearest friend...
Then I remembered what Jesus said, when He saw Mary and Martha crying
after the death of their brother, Lazarus:
"Your brother shall rise again."
Know that Betsy is in a place of true peace now,
where there is no more pain, neither sorrow, nor crying.
And, as Jesus told Mary and Martha, you shall see her again.
Paul told the Thessalonians they should not grieve
as those who do not have the hope of eternal life,
that those who "fall asleep" in Jesus shall rise again.
We have this hope.
God is supreme and fully in charge of all things.
Nothing takes Him by surprise.
Our job is to trust the Father's wisdom (Father Knows Best).
He really does have the eternal perspective and oversight on such things
and truly does have our best interests in mind.
"All things work together for good ..." (Romans 8:28)
Take care, little lamb.
Many things about tomorrow we don't understand,
but we know Who holds tomorrow ... and I know He holds your hand.
Your Shepherd dearly loves you, Betsy.
Rest in His arms. Tell him how you feel.
He will comfort you and give you peace.
In His never-ending love...
Recordaré siempre con mucho cariño a esta querida compañera y amiga, que siempre dio más del 100% en todo lo que hacía, que siempre pensaba en los demás primero antes que ella misma. Una excelente profesional, una excelente madre y esposa, una excelente amiga.
Betsy: Nos haces falta... Jamás te olvidaremos. Descansa en paz.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Betsynet, my only friend at work, in San Juan, had some issues while giving birth last week... as of this morning she was diagnosed with brain death. As of today, her baby can go home and is alive and kicking... Her body, waiting for some miracle, or someone to plug off the cable.
This was all a surprise, unplesant of course... Last week was the baby shower but since I was sick I couldn't make it. No one from the office of San Juan told me that she was in the hospital, her so called "colleagues" assumed that perhaps I would use a crystal ball to get the news... I don't even know in which hospital they keep her...
I hope that Tony is strong, I hope he survives as we all know how much he loves her. Now he must be strong for the 3 children that need him. As for Betsy... Her life was short, but fruitful. She did many things, travelled many times, and brought smiles and trust and warmth around her. She was there whenever I needed a helping hand out there in the Metro area, and she was the only "co-worker" whom I dare to call a friend, as she was not a two-face. She carried many roles over her shoulders... I hope that at least the pains stopped. Be at peace, and do not hurry death... let her come gently, as if in a dream...
10-4
This was all a surprise, unplesant of course... Last week was the baby shower but since I was sick I couldn't make it. No one from the office of San Juan told me that she was in the hospital, her so called "colleagues" assumed that perhaps I would use a crystal ball to get the news... I don't even know in which hospital they keep her...
I hope that Tony is strong, I hope he survives as we all know how much he loves her. Now he must be strong for the 3 children that need him. As for Betsy... Her life was short, but fruitful. She did many things, travelled many times, and brought smiles and trust and warmth around her. She was there whenever I needed a helping hand out there in the Metro area, and she was the only "co-worker" whom I dare to call a friend, as she was not a two-face. She carried many roles over her shoulders... I hope that at least the pains stopped. Be at peace, and do not hurry death... let her come gently, as if in a dream...
10-4
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Yesterday... Put together the small Xmas tree for my aunt's living room... That's the "come-mierda" one... It turned out AWESOME. Gotta take a pic of the "Innocense" tree, as I baptized it... Last night visited (por fin!!!) al Calvo. Judith appeared so it turned out to be a fun entertaining evening. Laughed a-lot, had to let go of my kitty choker because I almost strangled myself with laughter! :)
Today... Putting the palms together, tied them so the leaves wont bother anyone, or better say so no one keeps pulling them apart... Hmmm... After that hunted for some decorations for my aunt's big Xmas tree. Went to her house, got some cash for getting the musical lights and went back for showtime... Put together the tree, and it is very very happy... Last year it looked lame, this year it really rocks! Yayyyyyy! The long hours paid off... I still have to put the lights around the fence, but that will be next weeks story... One thing at a time. I ain't that young no more... :P
So, since I've been busy I have snapped of the crying game. It's better just to do what I have, no point in waiting around for things to happen... Especially when I know they just won't.
10-4
Today... Putting the palms together, tied them so the leaves wont bother anyone, or better say so no one keeps pulling them apart... Hmmm... After that hunted for some decorations for my aunt's big Xmas tree. Went to her house, got some cash for getting the musical lights and went back for showtime... Put together the tree, and it is very very happy... Last year it looked lame, this year it really rocks! Yayyyyyy! The long hours paid off... I still have to put the lights around the fence, but that will be next weeks story... One thing at a time. I ain't that young no more... :P
So, since I've been busy I have snapped of the crying game. It's better just to do what I have, no point in waiting around for things to happen... Especially when I know they just won't.
10-4
La Rosa y El Sapo
Había una vez una rosa roja muy hermosa y bella. Que maravilla al saber que era la rosa mas bella del jardín. Sin embargo, se daba cuenta de que la gente la veía de lejos.
Un día se dio cuenta de que al lado de ella siempre había un sapo grande y oscuro y que era por eso que nadie se acercaba a verla de cerca. Indignada ante lo descubierto le ordeno al sapo que se fuera de inmediato; el sapo muy obediente dijo: "Esta bien, si así lo quieres".
Poco tiempo después el sapo paso por donde estaba la rosa y se sorprendió al ver la rosa totalmente marchita, sin hojas y sin pétalos. Le dijo entonces: "Vaya que te ves muy mal. ¿Que te paso?"
La rosa contesto "Es que desde que te fuiste las hormigas me han comido día a día, y nunca pude volver a ser igual".
El sapo solo contesto, "Pues claro, cuando yo estaba aquí me comía a esas hormigas y por eso siempre eras la mas bella del jardín".
Moraleja:
Muchas veces despreciamos a los demás por creer que somos mas que ellos, mas bellos o simplemente que no nos "sirven" para nada..
Dios no hace a nadie para que este sobrando en este mundo, todos tenemos algo especial que hacer, algo que aprender de los demás o algo que enseñar, y nadie debe despreciar a nadie...
No vaya a ser que esa persona nos haga un bien del cual ni siquiera estemos conscientes.
Había una vez una rosa roja muy hermosa y bella. Que maravilla al saber que era la rosa mas bella del jardín. Sin embargo, se daba cuenta de que la gente la veía de lejos.
Un día se dio cuenta de que al lado de ella siempre había un sapo grande y oscuro y que era por eso que nadie se acercaba a verla de cerca. Indignada ante lo descubierto le ordeno al sapo que se fuera de inmediato; el sapo muy obediente dijo: "Esta bien, si así lo quieres".
Poco tiempo después el sapo paso por donde estaba la rosa y se sorprendió al ver la rosa totalmente marchita, sin hojas y sin pétalos. Le dijo entonces: "Vaya que te ves muy mal. ¿Que te paso?"
La rosa contesto "Es que desde que te fuiste las hormigas me han comido día a día, y nunca pude volver a ser igual".
El sapo solo contesto, "Pues claro, cuando yo estaba aquí me comía a esas hormigas y por eso siempre eras la mas bella del jardín".
Moraleja:
Muchas veces despreciamos a los demás por creer que somos mas que ellos, mas bellos o simplemente que no nos "sirven" para nada..
Dios no hace a nadie para que este sobrando en este mundo, todos tenemos algo especial que hacer, algo que aprender de los demás o algo que enseñar, y nadie debe despreciar a nadie...
No vaya a ser que esa persona nos haga un bien del cual ni siquiera estemos conscientes.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Surrounded by insensitive assholes. What to do? It is destiny, it seems... Why is it that no one has CLASS these days? Or plain common sense? Guilt trips doesnt work on me. And thoughtless behaviour just feeds my anger... Anger at every being that doesn't have a tail and doesn't purrs.
No sleep whatsoever... Mindboggling hops of the brainwaves keeping me awake... Uno mata a cuchillo de palo, el otro mata a cuchillo de estupidez.
... nothing to say... just keep all words that I want to scream buried in my throat... just peeking...
No sleep whatsoever... Mindboggling hops of the brainwaves keeping me awake... Uno mata a cuchillo de palo, el otro mata a cuchillo de estupidez.
... nothing to say... just keep all words that I want to scream buried in my throat... just peeking...
Friday, December 03, 2004
I'm a cold heartbreaker
Fit ta burn and I'll rip
Your heart in two
An I'll leave you lyin' on the bed
I'll be out the door before ya wake
It's nuthin' new ta you
'Cause I think we've seen that movie too
'Cause you could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nuthin' done
I said you could be mine
Now holidays come and then they go
It's nothin' new today
Collect another memory
When I come home late at night
Don't ask me where I've been
Just count your stars
I'm home again
'Cause you could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nuthin' done
I said you could be mine
You've gone sketchin' too many times
Why don't ya give it a rest
Why
Must you find
Another reason to cry
While you're breakin' down my back n' I been rackin' out my brain
It don't matter how we make it
'Cause it always ends the same
You can push it for more mileage
But your flaps r' wearin' thin
And I could sleep on it 'til mornin'
But this nightmare never ends
Don't forget to call my lawyers
With ridiculous demands
An you can take the pity so far
But it's more than I can stand
'Cause this couchtrip's gettin' older
Tell me how long has it been
'Cause 5 years is forever
An you haven't grown up yet
You could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nuthin' done
I said you could be mine
You should be
You could be mine
Yeah !
-Guns'n Roses, "You could be mine"
Fit ta burn and I'll rip
Your heart in two
An I'll leave you lyin' on the bed
I'll be out the door before ya wake
It's nuthin' new ta you
'Cause I think we've seen that movie too
'Cause you could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nuthin' done
I said you could be mine
Now holidays come and then they go
It's nothin' new today
Collect another memory
When I come home late at night
Don't ask me where I've been
Just count your stars
I'm home again
'Cause you could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nuthin' done
I said you could be mine
You've gone sketchin' too many times
Why don't ya give it a rest
Why
Must you find
Another reason to cry
While you're breakin' down my back n' I been rackin' out my brain
It don't matter how we make it
'Cause it always ends the same
You can push it for more mileage
But your flaps r' wearin' thin
And I could sleep on it 'til mornin'
But this nightmare never ends
Don't forget to call my lawyers
With ridiculous demands
An you can take the pity so far
But it's more than I can stand
'Cause this couchtrip's gettin' older
Tell me how long has it been
'Cause 5 years is forever
An you haven't grown up yet
You could be mine
But you're way out of line
With your bitch slap rappin'
And your cocaine tongue
You get nuthin' done
I said you could be mine
You should be
You could be mine
Yeah !
-Guns'n Roses, "You could be mine"
Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the city of angel
Lonely as I am, together we cry
I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills 'cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy
I never worry, now that ain't a lie.
Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way, yeah, yeah, yeah
It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe that I'm all alone
At least I have her love, the city she loves me
Lonely as I am, together we cry
Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way, yeah, yeah, yeah
oh no, no, no, yeah, yeah
love me, I say, yeah yeah
One time
(under the bridge downtown)
(is where I drew some blood)
is where I drew some blood
(under the bridge downtown)
(i could not get enough)
i could not get enough
(under the bridge downtown)
(forgot about my love)
forgot about my love
(under the bridge downtown)
(i gave my life away)
i gave my life away yeah, yeah yeah
(away)
no, no, no, yeah, yeah
(away)
no, no, i say, yeah, yeah
(away)
Here I stay
-Red Hot Chilli Peppers, "Under the bridge"
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the city of angel
Lonely as I am, together we cry
I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills 'cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds and she kisses me windy
I never worry, now that ain't a lie.
Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way, yeah, yeah, yeah
It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe that I'm all alone
At least I have her love, the city she loves me
Lonely as I am, together we cry
Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
Well, I don't ever want to feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way, yeah, yeah, yeah
oh no, no, no, yeah, yeah
love me, I say, yeah yeah
One time
(under the bridge downtown)
(is where I drew some blood)
is where I drew some blood
(under the bridge downtown)
(i could not get enough)
i could not get enough
(under the bridge downtown)
(forgot about my love)
forgot about my love
(under the bridge downtown)
(i gave my life away)
i gave my life away yeah, yeah yeah
(away)
no, no, no, yeah, yeah
(away)
no, no, i say, yeah, yeah
(away)
Here I stay
-Red Hot Chilli Peppers, "Under the bridge"
It takes a lifetime to become the best that we can be
We have not the time or the right to judge each other
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit - one life!
So make sure you like what's in your closet
I am what I am
I don't want praise I don't want pity
I bang my own drum
Some think it's noise, I think it's pretty
And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
Why not try to see things from a different angle
Your life is a sham
Till you can shout out
I am what I am
I am what I am
and what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
It's one life that I want to have a little pride in
My life, and it's not a place I have to hide in
Your life's worth a damn
Till you can shout out
I am what I am
I am what I am
I am what I am
-Gloria Gaynor, "I am what I am"
We have not the time or the right to judge each other
It's one life and there's no return and no deposit - one life!
So make sure you like what's in your closet
I am what I am
I don't want praise I don't want pity
I bang my own drum
Some think it's noise, I think it's pretty
And so what if I love each sparkle and each bangle
Why not try to see things from a different angle
Your life is a sham
Till you can shout out
I am what I am
I am what I am
and what I am needs no excuses
I deal my own deck
Sometimes the aces sometimes the deuces
It's one life that I want to have a little pride in
My life, and it's not a place I have to hide in
Your life's worth a damn
Till you can shout out
I am what I am
I am what I am
I am what I am
-Gloria Gaynor, "I am what I am"
Thanks to the high A/C setting at my office I arrived in pretty bad shape to my home yesterday, and was in bed for the rest of the night AND today. I couldn't move. And the coughing was pretty bad... So, today couldn't go to work, like they will weep for that fact... I am so unimportant in that hellish place, they don't even notice when I'm not there, unless of course, the server crashes... Npt even in the fire drills they remember me... Gotta repeat the mantra "2 more years, just 2 more years".
Feeling crappy. Reading about ol' Pops made me recall that 2 days ago I also slipped after getting some water from my fridge. Landed on my right knee... And somehow hurt mt left knee. Yup, add that to my overall sickness... I was walking as the crows from Looney Tunes... In a way, it was funny...
Trilogy called, to say "Oh, you are still sick... When am I gonna see you?". Well, pal... Whenever your cojones make you feel like it. I mean, he aint so desperate to see me if he has to think about it, after 7 days. A whole week, and it is so hard to move that body and walk over to my home. Fuck his stupid reasons, somethings are worth swallowing up a bit of pride, especially when it would actually send a message of "Heck, I care". And then comes the mandatory "I'll call you tomorrow"just 2 seconds after finishing the first sentence... And I have absolutely no reason to get upset... When will a REAL man make me fall in love with him? I guess thats the one that will never happen... Men are scarce, the good ones are taken or are gay... And too many women that would do ANYTHING for a piece of even the lowest scum. So... Thats plainly depressing. I am in love with someone who deserves not even a thought from me, for he do absolutely nothing for me... Some things never change... The only one that actually did something for me, like showing he REALLY wanted to see me and be with me was Joe. I don't get what is so difficult about doing that simple thing... The details that never happen are the ones that hurt most.
Anyway... I'm tired, everything aches, got a big headache, my heart is in pieces and I have no cable... It's the pits...
Feeling crappy. Reading about ol' Pops made me recall that 2 days ago I also slipped after getting some water from my fridge. Landed on my right knee... And somehow hurt mt left knee. Yup, add that to my overall sickness... I was walking as the crows from Looney Tunes... In a way, it was funny...
Trilogy called, to say "Oh, you are still sick... When am I gonna see you?". Well, pal... Whenever your cojones make you feel like it. I mean, he aint so desperate to see me if he has to think about it, after 7 days. A whole week, and it is so hard to move that body and walk over to my home. Fuck his stupid reasons, somethings are worth swallowing up a bit of pride, especially when it would actually send a message of "Heck, I care". And then comes the mandatory "I'll call you tomorrow"just 2 seconds after finishing the first sentence...
Anyway... I'm tired, everything aches, got a big headache, my heart is in pieces and I have no cable... It's the pits...
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Returned to work today... not a pretty sight... should've taken the whole week off as the doctor ordered, but noooooooo, me and my stupid sense of responsability... E-mail turning out to be the most anoying thing, talking about intranet e-mails... Too many people talking about the same thing except the person who NEEDS the job done, and too many people who are NOT your supervisors telling you what to do... Some enemies created because of honesty, and so... the bitchy legends keep on prospering... My bitchy legends... Ah, a tear of proudness falls from my left eye...
I am feeling still sick, whole body aches, but here I am, standing against the face of adversity... trying to do my job even if no one really appreciates it.
During the past few days I was pretty much confined to my house, so I got to see:
The day after tomorrow... cute movie, heart touching, more of the same but entertaining...
Garfield... A movie with no big script, no big visuals, no big desires I guess... But since it is a fat cat movie I must say I liked it...
Spiderman2... Ok, Sam Raimi rules. Loved the intro, loved the movie, loved the script, loved the visuals, loved the action, loved Doc Oct... I can't belive it is a second part movie that actually sticks to the first one and to the comic books... Awesome.
Besides that... Sleeping, checking emails and more sleep... I still feel as if a thousand horses had stepped all over me... Haven't seen Trilogy ever since last Friday, and he called on Tuesday I think... pretty much all that there is to say about his side... Talked to Coriolis this morning... Another weekends he won't come over... Why expect a miracle... Whatever...
And that's all folks...
I am feeling still sick, whole body aches, but here I am, standing against the face of adversity... trying to do my job even if no one really appreciates it.
During the past few days I was pretty much confined to my house, so I got to see:
The day after tomorrow... cute movie, heart touching, more of the same but entertaining...
Garfield... A movie with no big script, no big visuals, no big desires I guess... But since it is a fat cat movie I must say I liked it...
Spiderman2... Ok, Sam Raimi rules. Loved the intro, loved the movie, loved the script, loved the visuals, loved the action, loved Doc Oct... I can't belive it is a second part movie that actually sticks to the first one and to the comic books... Awesome.
Besides that... Sleeping, checking emails and more sleep... I still feel as if a thousand horses had stepped all over me... Haven't seen Trilogy ever since last Friday, and he called on Tuesday I think... pretty much all that there is to say about his side... Talked to Coriolis this morning... Another weekends he won't come over... Why expect a miracle... Whatever...
And that's all folks...
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